A rememberable Coffee Party

He didn't look any better than he had two days ago—still those deep rings under his eyes, and his hair was now really greasy, just like in the old days.

Parvati stopped in mid-step and her heart began to pound madly. Everything came crashing down on her, the terrible screams, Draco's blind rage, Severus's tender gesture when he took her hand, his harsh words afterwards …

"Miss Patil," she heard his dark voice, and his eyes looked at her very knowingly. "I was expecting you!"

"Expecting … me?" whispered Parvati in a daze. "Why …"

She felt dizzy and it took some effort to keep herself upright when Severus told her with a nod of his head to follow him into his office. Don't let yourself … be intimidated …, she tried hard to tell herself, while she realised with growing panic that all her resistance had just collapsed like a house of cards that had been blown over.

The lighting in the narrow, high room was almost dimmer than usual. A lone candle burned on Severus's desk, two more torches on the wall cast a flickering light on the shelves to either side, where countless bottles and jars, some with rather ominous contents, eked out their existence.

"Sit down," he invited her, pointing to the chair in front of his desk, on which Parvati slumped; he himself, however, remained standing at some distance. "I suppose it is now also in your interest that I continue what I—" his lips curled in a touch of irony, "… could not finish the day before yesterday?"

"Yes," Parvati said hoarsely, her eyes filling with tears. "I mean … I don't know!" she whispered, lowering her head. The first thick tear dripped onto her bare wrist, more followed.

"There is no other option, Miss Patil," she heard his voice, dark and inscrutable. "And for you, it would be best. Forget this episode and get on with your normal life!" He took a step towards her and pulled his long pitch-black wand from his robe.

No!, it screamed inside her. A convulsive sob escaped from Parvati's throat, and in a violent movement, she jerked her hand in front of her mouth, as if to stifle everything else behind it. But it was already too late—the flood of tears that had been lurking in her chest all day with a dull pressure could no longer be held back. With her hands in front of her face and her shoulders shaking, she sat in front of her teacher, who made no sound; her crying was the only noise in the room.

Shit!, Parvati cursed herself silently as the salty tears ran into her mouth and trickled down her chin. I wanted to talk to him! Instead, I cry like the last wimp, and just let it happen … but what can I do? Why is he doing this to me?

Horror constricted her throat and her shoulders tensed in the terrible expectation of sitting in front of him in a moment—no longer knowing how she had got there …

For God's sake, why doesn't he do it already?

But Severus continued to remain silent; the words for the spell she feared almost the most at the moment were not spoken.

Finally, hesitantly, she removed her hands from her face and raised her eyes to Severus, who stood unchanged in front of her, wand still in hand, but in his gaze something like—indecision.

"What are you waiting for?" she asked him in a rough voice; but the relief in it was unmistakable. She wiped the tears from her cheeks with a sleeve and pulled up her nose.

"For you to calm down," Severus replied quietly. "That's how we'll get the best result." He took another step towards her and handed her a fresh handkerchief.

Parvati lowered her head and blew her nose. I wonder if he'll want them back sometime, it occurred to her as she crumpled the handkerchief to its predecessor from last time into her robe pocket. She brushed her hair behind her ears, looked back up at Severus and took a deep breath. "I won't calm down until you tell me exactly which memories you want to destroy!" she announced in a shaky voice.

Severus sighed. "Miss Patil …" He made a hand gesture, and for a moment Parvati thought he was going to stroke her cheek. "I think you know that quite well!"

Parvati's blood turned to lead and again a dizziness seized her. "So you want to erase everything," she whispered, "The whole night!"

"It will be the best thing for you," Severus said seriously.

"And for you," Parvati returned, sinking into his eyes for a moment, which seemed to know exactly what she was alluding to. Severus remained silent, but his gaze was worth a thousand words. He had no intention of negotiating with Parvati. She realised that she could not convince him with either arguments or tears. Nor would he let his student escape again before he had done what he felt he had to do.

So what? You can't let him do that!, it screamed inside of her. Open your mouth at last! Tell him how you feel! There must be another solution!

But the more realistic side of her had long since resigned in view of the hard, determined face of the man in front of her. There was no room for pity, there mustn't be any—Severus Snape had already conducted completely different negotiations. A Memory Charm was certainly one of the more harmless categories for him …

But despite everything, her teacher still made no effort to make any preparations for the Obliviate; he just stared at her steadfastly until she could stand it no longer and looked at her hands, clenched together in her lap. Am I not calm enough for him yet?, Parvati thought; only then did she notice how tightly his fingers held the wand. Or can't he bring himself to do it after all …?

Her heart began to beat hard against her ribs. Come on, now say something, it whispered inside her. Engage him in a conversation. Maybe there is hope after all …

She opened her eyes at him and suppressed a chattering of teeth. "Why did you even wait for me to come to you?" Parvati then asked in a casual tone. It was the first thing that just came to her mind, probably because it really interested her. "I could have told it all over Hogwarts by now!"

"I knew perfectly well that not a word would pass your lips," Severus replied calmly. "Just as I knew you wouldn't stand it longer than two days!"

"And I did not know that you studied psychology," Parvati muttered bitingly, and a little imp in the back of her head noted with a giggle that in normal life, Snape would have deducted at least ten house points from her for that cheeky remark. But they had still this special situation for a few minutes. Maybe even longer …

"In addition to studying Potions, I indeed completed the education as a healer," Severus returned. "The field of psychology is included in that, Miss Patil."

Is that why you always know so well where our weak points are? Parvati, like Lavender, had always found it uncanny how much Snape sometimes seemed to know about her and her classmates purely by intuition. How he literally scanned them with his black eyes while unerringly degrading them into walking inferiority complexes with his mean, perfectly matching remarks.

That he even needs that! She looked thoughtfully at Severus, who returned her gaze calmly; but he continued to hold the wand in his hand so tightly that the knuckles stood out sharply. And where are your weak points? Parvati asked herself. Perhaps—that even you need someone to talk to?

And as she thought this, curiosity joined her fear. When would she ever again have the opportunity to talk to Severus Snape about things like his education, to learn something about him? Be close to him? Only now, if ever, would he be willing to engage in a chat with her—as he had the other day …

"Professor Snape? Why did you actually become a teacher at Hogwarts?" it gushed out of her. "Surely you could have got completely different jobs?"

Snape stared at Parvati; slowly he lowered his wand. "You are really trying with all your might …"

"Doesn't every condemned person also have a last wish?" asked Parvati. Her heart was pounding to bursting. "Why can't we have a little talk before you—do it?"

"May I serve you some coffee along with it?" he snarled.

"Why not?" said Parvati. "I am serious."

"And what do you expect to get out of it?" He sounded almost amused; but still he pulled another chair closer and sat directly opposite Parvati. "You won't know anything about it afterwards!"

"But I will know now!" insisted Parvati. "What do I care what's afterwards? I might as well be dead by then!"

A silence answered her. The sentence stood in the room while the two looked silently into each other's eyes; something like appreciation glimmered in his, but also compassion. And curiosity …

"A very interesting point of view indeed," Severus finally remarked, waving his wand. With a soft plop! two steaming coffee cups appeared on his desk to the side of them; immediately afterwards, to Parvati's relief, he let the wand disappear into his robe.

"Er—thank you," Parvati said, flabbergasted, and Severus explained: "You don't give up anyway. Well—I applied to be a teacher at Hogwarts by order of You-know-who—but for the Defence Against the Dark Arts position. As everyone is well aware, Professor Dumbledore never gave it to me. Instead, two years later, he offered me the Potions post that had become vacant. And when the Dark Lord lost his power shortly afterwards, and most Death Eaters faced a lifetime in Azkaban, I chose the lesser of two evils." He grinned smugly. "I remained a teacher—within Hogwarts safe walls, under the protection of Dumbledore."

Parvati stared at Severus in amazement and a little trepidation; she had not expected an answer given so willingly. He actually wants to talk to me! But of all things, about this topic …

"Yes, I joined the Death Eaters even then," he explained to Parvati. "Not as a spy, but out of conviction. However, I soon changed sides in spirit and joined the Order of the Phoenix."

Severus had obviously interpreted her surprise differently, which she was glad about. Parvati already knew from Harry that Severus had joined the Death Eaters right after school, and she would have felt unable to try out her miserable acting skills on him today to cover up for Harry. Accordingly, she struggled to come up with an innocuous answer.

"Wasn't Professor Dumbledore suspicious at all?" she finally asked, reaching for the coffee cup closest to her.

"At first, yes," Severus said. "But I eventually convinced him of my good intentions …"

"How?"

Severus gave her an almost indulgent look. "Professor Dumbledore is only too happy to see the best in people!"

"That doesn't mean he's stupid, does it?" returned Parvati challengingly.

"No, of course not. It took quite a long time," Severus admitted. "We had many conversations, he wanted to know everything about me. My childhood, my schooldays …" His face darkened and he seemed to dwell on bitter memories for a moment.

"And what made you go to the Death Eaters?" added Parvati quietly.

"Yes," Severus said.

"What was it?" asked Parvati hoarsely.

Severus leaned forward a little and breathed, "Hate. It was blind hatred. For my parents. My classmates. For the whole world. And most of all, for myself!"

His eyes pierced her and Parvati shivered. Inconspicuously, she wrapped her clammy fingers around the hot cup that was innocently emitting its seductive coffee scent.

"What happened?" she whispered, her eyes wide.

"What happened?" asked Severus with a quiet sneer in his voice. "Just what happens in many broken families. My father had a drinking problem before I was born, and the stuff made him downright cruel sometimes. My mother was far too weak to fight back or protect me. And at Hogwarts, my dear classmates made my life hell. Yes." With a slight movement of his head, he shook his hair out of his face. "That's what happened!"

Parvati stared at him, concerned. Lavender and she had often suspected that he must have had painful experiences, that he was lonely and unhappy. But that it was so bad …

"I didn't have any real friends there," he continued, without Parvati having to ask further. "And a lonely, frustrated student like me was naturally overjoyed to suddenly have a star like Lucius Malfoy hanging out with him. He was a staunch follower of the Lord and joined the Death Eaters as soon as he came of age. And I did the same, a few years later. You could say he recruited me."

Parvati was horrified. Here I have my chit-chat session! I knew it, he really wants to talk …

She could only guess what had built up inside her teacher over all these years without him being able to talk to anyone about it. Dumbledore seemed to be his only friend …

And I can probably finally forget about him leaving me my memories after he was being so open with me, she suddenly realised. Really a great plan, Miss Patil!

But a small part of her still hoped that she could dissuade him, somehow … So she fought with all her might against the lump in her throat that was there all at once and picked up the conversation, "But were you really convinced of the ideology of You-know-who?"

"I sensed from the first meeting that the decision was wrong." Severus nodded, his eyes darkening. "But by then it was too late. They had admitted me with the usual ceremony, I had received the Dark Mark …"

He uncovered his left forearm and showed Parvati the dark, intricate mark. Her eyes widened and a cold hand seemed to wrap around the back of her neck. Harry had drawn the mark for her a few months ago—a skull with a snake crawling out of its mouth—but she had never seen with her own eyes how it stood out dark and evil against the soft, pale skin of the inside of a forearm. A forearm that she liked very much, as she had to realise immediately afterwards—smooth skin, barely hairy, muscular—and with these arms, he carried me …

Severus pulled his sleeve back over his wrist and Parvati came to her senses, quickly reflecting on her next question, "Then what happened?"

Severus shrugged and leaned back. "You-Know-Who made a pathetic speech about preserving the Purebloods," he replied in an emphatically indifferent tone. "Then he sacrificed a cat and drew the Dark Mark on each of our foreheads with its blood."

"What?"

"You wanted to know," he said impassively. "That's pretty much how it went every time. You went to the Dark Lord when you felt your mark, usually on a new moon, kissed the hem of his cloak and listened to his pamphlets. After that, followers with whom the Lord was displeased were punished with the Cruciatus curse, and finally, plans were made, ambushes devised, and agents ordered to carry them out."

Parvati went cold. She could guess what, among other things, was being carried out, and she didn't want to know more precisely. "Did you also have to—" she asked hesitantly.

"Not at the beginning. For the first six months I was a novice, just a spectator. The black Order did not yet occupy a large place in my life. I began my studies in Birchtown, found something like friends for the first time …"

For a moment, his face took on a transfigured expression that Parvati had never seen on him before; only to return to its usual hardness immediately afterwards. "But I couldn't commit to anything permanent. My life already belonged to him …"

"And there was really no turning back?" asked Parvati quietly.

Severus shook his head. "No. Those who have taken the vow will not leave the Order alive. But of course, the Dark Lord sensed my doubts. He took extra time to talk to me, to listen to me. And to let me in on his philosophy in detail—which certainly fell on fertile ground …"

He sighed and brushed a strand of hair from his face. "So while my fellow students went out to parties, I also mingled into the nightlife—but to accompany the older Death Eaters when they set off to recruit more followers. I often went out with Lucius. We were very good friends …"

"Because you shared his attitude?"

"Well, I felt like that for quite a while. When you're young and frustrated, you get things mixed up. At the same time, I was never concerned with maintaining the purity of blood. A person's origin doesn't matter to me …" He paused and looked at Parvati. "I hope you believe me, Miss Patil. You probably thought something else of me."

"No," Parvati said quickly. "Somehow I-i knew …"

She knew his attitude since he had reprimanded Draco in the lab for his racist remark. But I can't tell him now that I overheard another conversation between him and Draco! "What happened next?" she deflected.

"At some point I went out on my own to pick out the right people. I usually went to busy places to observe the behaviour of people in larger groups over a few weeks or months, catching a few snippets of conversation now and then—you wouldn't believe how revealing such studies can be. I almost always hit the mark."

"Maybe because you're comparing them with yourself," Parvati said, and Severus nodded. "Yes, it was often the slightly quieter ones; who regularly had been cut short when they wanted to say something. However, there were also the kind of people whose eyes turned to slits as soon as a Muggle-born entered the locality. Those were the easiest to spot …"

"And such places don't happen to be the Three Broomsticks?" asked Parvati lurkingly, who was just realising a few things. "Or are you telling me you had a date there the day we had our fight with Draco?"

"A date!" For a moment, Parvati thought Severus was going to start laughing, but he had his features amazingly well under control. "No, you're right, I'm there more often with Lucius. Meanwhile, it is also the case that interested people come to us on their own. We are well known in the relevant circles. The day you had your little dispute with Draco, I had an appointment with a young man …"

"Who you successfully recruited, of course," Parvati finished his sentence.

"I do this job better than anyone else," he confirmed. "The Dark Lord thinks very highly of my psychological knowledge."

"Didn't he ever give you any other assignments?" she asked with a hoarse voice.

"Yes, of course." Severus barely perceptibly lifted a corner of his mouth. "For example, he chose me as his very own private Potions master after only a short time. He always needed a certain supply of Veritaserum, Polyjuice Potion, various pain potions, the usual stuff … in addition, he required the production of elixirs that he thought would strengthen him … ensure his immortality. As you can see, it didn't help him much at the time …"

Parvati saw the corner of his mouth move higher and almost had to grin—do I see a certain gloat in his face?

But the expression changed abruptly as he continued, "After a while, he also entrusted me with the organisation of … rituals. The Dark Lord loved rituals—for the same reason that he poured the most foul-tasting potions into himself every day—and he still loves them today. In multiple and diverse forms …"

He paused for a moment and looked at Parvati with raised eyebrows, probably expecting her to curiously dig deeper as usual. I thought he didn't want to talk about that, she thought confusedly. And now he's playing 'ask-me'?

But Parvati did not ask; not a word passed her lips. She only suddenly noticed how her teeth began to chatter again, and she felt sick just at the word "ritual". Parvati didn't want to hear how these rituals went, nor what Severus had to prepare for them—though she was curious, as she was about everything that was part of his life. But for the gruesome details, Dumbledore would have to keep in charge …

When Parvati therefore just stared at him in silence, he finally nodded and cleared his throat. "Yes. Those had been my duties with the Death Eaters. Until, after two years, I got my first big mission, for which the Dark Lord had probably me in mind from the beginning: to plant me into Hogwarts to spy on Dumbledore. The long-term goal was the complete infiltration of the school … and, of course, the handing over of Dumbledore—alive, or if in doubt, dead. And that was when I began to disobey the Dark Lord."

There was a rebellious sparkle in his eyes, and Parvati could suddenly imagine in all clarity what Severus, only in his early twenties, must have looked like while this terrible conflict raged inside him—between his conscience and the fear of Voldemort …

"But you did apply," she whispered.

Severus nodded. "Yes. I did apply—but I never intended to do the job. I couldn't. Because even then, I … loved Albus" he whispered. He was silent for a moment and bowed his head. His long black hair fell into his face, and Parvati suddenly felt a fierce need to press his head to her chest and never let him go.

Then he looked up again. "I hardly remember how I got through the time until his fall," he said quietly. "Sometimes I thought I was going crazy … the things I had to look at—and always the fear that he would see through me … but when I got that task, it was enough. From that day on, I knew I had to stop the madness—I just didn't know yet how."

"And now you are still going there …" A shiver ran down Parvati's spine. There seemed to have been no way out for him.

"Yes, I do," Severus replied, his voice just a murmur. "As a spy, on behalf of Dumbledore, as before. And the Dark Lord's mission has still not changed."

For a moment, there was silence. Parvati stared at Severus with wide eyes, and intense pity welled up in her. She had never seen it so clearly. He lives a life as a double agent. He has to teach at Hogwarts, even though it frustrates him, and go to Voldemort—which he hates! And constantly fear for his life … How long is that supposed to go on? And where are his wishes? Dumbledore expects a lot from him …

"It's a little … complicated sometimes," Severus remarked in an affirmative tone, almost as if he had read her mind; with his highly praised knowledge of psychology, it couldn't have been too difficult for him to interpret her expression.

"It is often hard enough to be commited to one side. But serving two mortal enemies and deceiving one of them—that demands full attention at all times; especially as You-Know-Who is only too happy to use his skills in Legilimency. You must not allow yourself a mistake—must not get involved with anything or anyone …"

After these words, he paused for a moment and looked directly at Parvati, who then clutched her cup tighter. Then he closed with a small, cynical smile, "And yet almost no one really trusts you."

That's true, Parvati thought to herself, and immediately had to think of Harry, Ron and Hermione, who had so often suspected Snape of some crooked things—which always turned out to be wrong afterwards. In addition, she didn't know anyone except Lavender who liked him, and he was a loner in the teaching staff, too. In fact, he only got along with Dumbledore.

And even with him he obviously had differences … Parvati still remembered the scene in the director's office after Draco's attack on Lavender. The way he was yelling around there … that Lavender is sitting in his class against his will came up like bitter bile—though the subject wasn't even on the agenda! And the fact that Dumbledore, in the presence of us and McGonagall, just passed over it, certainly didn't make it any better …

And suddenly a new, terrible thought flashed through her mind: What if he has chosen Voldemort again after all? He keeps calling him "Dark Lord" … And as a double agent … who can know whose side he's really on!

Immediately afterwards, she felt so horribly ashamed that the blood rushed to her face. So you really think he would betray Dumbledore? Maybe even kill him?

Shit, I hope he doesn't notice what kind of bullshit I'm thinking here …

Severus continued to look at her unblinkingly, and Parvati searched desperately for words. "But Professor Dumbledore trusts you," she finally said rather lamely. "Doesn't he?"

"Yes, he does," said Severus. "So does Voldemort!"

Parvati winced; some of her coffee sloshed over the rim of the cup and spilled on her already no longer fresh T-shirt. Horrified, cheeks burning, she stared at Severus, and by the look on his face she realised that he had said the Dark Lord's name on purpose. "And what about you?" he finally asked in a silky smooth voice.

"Is that important?" asked Parvati hoarsely.

"Yes," Severus said simply. He leaned forward and looked deep into her eyes. "Parvati, do you trust me?"

Parvati froze and the old familiar dizziness seized her. Her blood rushed like lead through her veins as she answered with a tight throat, "Yes, sure … I do trust you." Severus, she added in her mind, but she couldn't bring herself to say his name. Nor did she dare to take his hand or hug him, even though everything in her so painfully craved it. While the other, sensible voice inside her interfered again: Is it possible that he is manipulating you again?

But why would he do that? I'm supposed to forget everything anyway … Parvati was more confused than ever in her life. Severus's black eyes still rested on her, deep and inscrutable … simply unbearable!

In desperation, she finally pounced on the next best thing that came to mind. "How is Draco, by the way? I saw him briefly earlier …"

Severus immediately went into the change of subject—perhaps he was quite happy about it himself. "He went back to the Slytherins only a few hours ago. Before that, he was with me all the time. He's very unwell, of course—he has nightmares as soon as he closes his eyes."

"Can't you take those memories away from him, too?" asked Parvati.

Severus shook his head. "No, he needs them to survive. And as far as I have been able to ascertain, they are fragmentary anyway. For instance, he hardly seems to remember anything about the encounter with you …"

"Great!" Parvati emitted a dry laughing sound to hide her relief. "If both of us don't know anything anymore, maybe we'll be really good friends someday!"

"Well, in his case, I hope it's just a temporary reaction to the shock," Severus objected. "He needs his memories. It's the only way he can harden himself, and gradually learn to cope with the shocking events. To come to terms with Vol—with You-Know-Who. Because he has to move on. For now, at least!"

"But what will happen now anyway?" Parvati wanted to know. "Won't he get into trouble for running away?"

"Oh yes! And not only him! I'll really have to think of a good reason why we just disappeared like that until the next meeting!"

"Will he punish you otherwise?" asked Parvati quietly. "With the Cruciatus?"

"He will definitely do that. It just depends entirely on his mood when he'll lift the curse again."

Parvati's eyes widened and the memory of that incredible pain burst over her again. "My God …" she whispered. "Aren't you afraid?"

"Yes. But I've learned to manage it over the years," Severus said, and it almost sounded like he was trying to comfort her. "I just wonder how Draco will cope. It would be the first time for him …"

"But if he just stopped going—he would be safe at Hogwarts, too," Parvati objected.

"Times have changed," Severus replied sombrely. "Nowadays, nowhere is really safe any more. And the Lord knows means and ways to make people compliant. It's enough for him to call you incessantly … I resisted his signal once back then and thought my arm was going to fall off in pain … no potion helped!"

"My God …" Parvati stared at him, affected, at a loss for words. It had to be just awful to be caught in such a death machinery, with almost no chance of ever getting out alive. A fierce, irrational need gripped her to help Severus—to hide him from Voldemort, to defend him to the death …

At the same time, she felt the horrible memories creeping up on her again—and he saw it all! He was right there! He's always there … And who knows what assignments he'll get now! Maybe he also had to organise the ritual from the day before yesterday …

Parvati suddenly turned ice cold and she swallowed hard. Do I even want to know this? Even if it's erased later, but do I want to know something like that even for a minute?

Severus, who had been repeatedly watching Parvati's expression, remarked, "We haven't exactly chosen the best topic for our coffee party, have we?" He leaned back, propped his elbow on the desk beside him and took his first sip from his coffee cup. Then he said in a slightly contrite tone that didn't match him at all, "I have to confess something to you anyway—a little mishap … Mister Potter's cloak has disappeared!"

"What?" exclaimed Parvati. "Did Draco nick it?"

And that brings us back to the schoolchild stuff, she thought, and realised once again how much these annoying everyday problems could suddenly lift her spirits; she instantly felt a little warmer around her heart.

"Possibly," Severus said. "Apart from Professor Dumbledore, no one else has been to my flat. I will, of course, try to get him to hand it over, but I don't know how long that will take."

"What a bummer!" said Parvati; it sounded almost cheerful. "I was actually going to take it with me today. Harry misses it already!"

"I can imagine that!" growled Severus. "So he can wander through the corridors undisturbed again at night …"

"Nothing escapes your eagle eyes anyway!" said Parvati cheekily.

"That's true, though," Severus returned inscrutably. "Such things as invisibility cloaks are no hindrance to me."

"Why, do you have X-ray vision?" asked Parvati with amusement.

"Not quite," Severus replied, looking at her with raised eyebrows. "But I can see people in the dark—because of their infrared radiation."

Parvati snorted with laughter. "Infrared radiation? Are you taking—are you maybe gonna tell me right now that you can see a person's aura, too?"

"Not so good in the dark," Severus said deadpan. "It's easiest in the twilight … You can also feel them, by the way, which is a great advantage for a healer. For example, I could examine you that way while clothed."

"That's wicked!" said Parvati in disbelief. "So I have an aura?" Again she began to giggle. Lavender would do handsprings with excitement if she ever found out about this!

"Like everyone else," Severus nodded. "A very beautiful one, in fact! At the moment, it's shining particularly intensely."

Parvati stared open-mouthed at her teacher and goose bumps covered the back of her neck. He is taking the piss!, she thought, however, she couldn't detect a trace of irony in his face. Well, it would at least explain a lot … isn't it said that you can learn a lot about a person from their aura? Including their weak points …

And suddenly she had the image in her mind's eye of what a class must look like to Severus Snape according to this fact; all the students with some abstruse, flowing formations around themselves, from which he could read their states of mind … and again she had to grin.

"I'm sorry if I've just shaken your world view," Severus let himself be heard in his typically ironic tone. "But be assured, this condition will not last too long. Now, drink your coffee before it gets cold!"

Obediently, Parvati took a lukewarm sip from her cup, which she was still twirling between her fingers. "How do you know how I drink my coffee?" she asked in immediate surprise. "It's just right!"

"Male intuition," Severus replied, squinting one eye slightly. It looked scrumptious and Parvati's stomach did a somersault.

"Or experience?" she asked lurkingly right after, silently amused by Severus's incredulous expression.

"You don't seriously think I hold coffee parties with schoolgirls by default …" he began.

"Maybe even with female teachers?" asked Parvati cheekily.

"Miss Patil!" exclaimed Severus, and Parvati giggled. "What would be the harm?" she wanted to know. "No one can stay alone forever—right?" She gave him a wry look.

"Miss Patil, with all due leniency I show here—but this is none of your business, if you'll pardon me for saying so!"

"Why?" Parvati tilted her head. "I won't know anything later, remember? Actually, you can tell me everything now …"

"And what exactly do you want to hear?"

"Whether there is … someone in your life?" said Parvati cautiously, feeling her heart burst again. It doesn't matter, she admonished herself. No matter what he answers, I most likely won't know anything about it later!

"Why do you want to know?" Severus leaned back in his chair defensively and crossed his arms in front of his chest.

"I am curious," Parvati explained, trying a smile. "Besides, this is one of the most important subjects girls my age deal with."

"The loves of her teachers, am I understanding correctly? Or rather, a very specific teacher?" he asked lurkingly, giving her a piercing look.

Parvati turned bright red. Damn psychology!, she thought, but she quickly caught herself. "This case is about you because you are sitting here in front of me," she returned in a firm voice. "Besides, I'm asking the questions here, Professor. It's about my last wish! So?"

"There is no one," Severus growled. "I live alone. Happy now?"

"Was there someone?", Parvati enquired.

"No!"

Parvati's eyes snapped open. "Never?"

"Yes, there was," Severus said slowly. "Of course there was one or the other … flirtation."

"During your schooldays?"

"Yes … but it was the wrong one. Better said, the trigger that led to me finally taking the step to join the Death Eaters …"

His eyes were suddenly fixed in the far distance and Parvati tried to imagine what sad memories were running through his head again. Was he not lucky at all? And who was she, she wondered, but she didn't dare ask. She was sure as hell not going to get an answer.

"And later?" asked Parvati timidly.

"There was never time," Severus explained. "During my time with the Death Eaters … there would have been no shortage of opportunities. After all, I was studying and working at the hospital at the same time—but it would have been madness to drag anyone into it. Besides, it was also in my own interest not to harbour deeper feelings for anyone. It would have interfered with my ability to shield my true thoughts from the Dark Lord."

Parvati remained silent. How can one stand it? Staying alone all the time? To forbid oneself everything that makes life worth living …

"So there were only non-binding … arrangements, if you know what I mean by that," he continued.

One-night stands, Parvati thought and nodded. Or affairs …

"And at Hogwarts …" Severus twisted one corner of his mouth mockingly. "I mean, take a look around!" He made a sweeping gesture that was probably intended merely to encompass his teaching staff, yet Parvati stretched involuntarily in her chair. "Very flattering," it escaped her.

"Schoolgirls are off limits," he informed her. "Besides, I'm still with the Death Eaters!"

"But … what about the time You-Know-Who was away?" asked Parvati. "That was …" she considered for a moment, "more than thirteen years. And I don't think you were walking around completely blind during all that time …"

Severus's eyes narrowed. "Well, if you think I've had nothing better to do than waste my attention on little giggling goslings less than half my age—"

"Even though I find it hard to believe, also you must have been younger once!" Parvati retorted, offended. "Was there never anyone you were even remotely interested in?"

She saw from the look on his face that she had hit the mark. "So yes?" she whispered with bated breath, and Severus snapped at her angrily, "Yes, bloody hell! I'm only a man, after all!"

Parvati nodded contentedly and was about to ask the next question when Severus cut her off, "Everything else is none of your business! All I can say is: once and never again! Besides, now I am back with the Death Eaters!"

"Oh, and what if you wasn't?" she asked lurkingly. Parvati just couldn't let it go—although she was beginning to seriously wonder who was revealing something about themselves to whom.

"Miss Patil," Severus said, now in a very soft voice, and then he asked again, "What would you like to hear now?"

"The truth?" suggested Parvati with a mocking tone, but she nervously slid around in her chair. Crap, that's not how it was meant to work! He won't forget anything after this conversation …

"The truth about you and Miss Brown?" asked Severus, a shade softer still.

"Why not?" said Parvati harmlessly, but she knew full well that her rapidly throbbing carotid artery had already betrayed her, and her damned aura probably anyway. She quickly took another sip of coffee.

"Now, about Lavender …" began Severus in a drawling voice. "What I admire about her is her courage; her straightforwardness. When she wants to achieve something, she tries to do it by any means necessary …"

"What do you mean?"

"Forcing access to my class, and you know that very well!"

Parvati winced. "What should I know?"

"Why she wanted to join my class so badly, even though it won't do her any good without Transfiguration!"

"Do you know?" she asked back.

"It's obvious," Severus said, shaking a dark strand of hair from his face.

Not conceited at all, thought Parvati. "So, how do you like it?" she asked bitingly. "You don't seem to be as angry about it as you always pretend to be …"

Severus didn't answer, but curled his thin lips into a rudimentary smile that looked rather pleased. I don't believe it!

Again he drank from his coffee, eyeing Parvati over the rim of his cup. "Miss Brown is really trying," he finally explained. "So I've become, shall we say, reasonably comfortable with the situation. I'm still not thrilled about it, of course!"

"But why did you take her in in the first place? Did Dumbledore just decide it over your head?" Parvati was almost bursting with curiosity. Now perhaps she could finally get to the bottom of this strange question—only, unfortunately, not report anything to Lavender afterwards …

"It was his and Lavender's parents' idea," he finally said. "I had to accept that decision."

"But what's the point?" insisted Parvati, then blurting out impatiently, "Do I actually have to worm any infor—oh!" She slapped her hand over her mouth. "I'm sorry …"

"You don't have to worm anything out of me," Severus said sternly. "Because I'm not going to say anything more about those staffroom internals!"

"But perhaps about how it pleases you that Lavender—"

"… makes eyes at me hour after hour?" added Severus, raising an eyebrow; his tone had changed completely. "What man wouldn't enjoy being adored by a pretty girl, Miss Patil?"

"Uh-uhm …"

"I think your friend is really cute," Severus confided to her, and Parvati choked on her own spit for a hair. "A child-woman, if I ever saw one. The perfect blend of innocence, sincerity and—sex!"

Parvati gasped.

"Was that about what you wanted to hear?" asked Severus, slightly malicious, actually having the cheek to grin—Parvati had never seen him grin before, and the strangest things were going on in her stomach.

"Yes. If it's the truth," she said vehemently. "Really nice of you to be so honest with me … however, Lavender doesn't deserve to be used for just one night!"

"No, she most certainly does not," Severus agreed with her.

"Just keep your hands off her!" added Parvati emphatically, setting her half-empty cup down on the table with a bang.

"I will. Like I said, schoolgirls are off limits! And now, let's get over to you …" He also set his coffee cup aside, then leaned forward and gently grasped Parvati's wrist.

Parvati froze. "By the way, I am also a schoolgirl," she informed her teacher ironically, but her voice trembled. Her whole body was suddenly in agitation, her knees weak as jelly and her heart racing like mad.

"I know," Severus said. "And one that I really appreciate." He stood up and pulled her up with him by both hands.

"And so you're making an exception for me?" whispered Parvati, who simply couldn't believe it. His fingers delicately stroked her palms, the inside of her wrists, her forearms. The touches shot up her arms like rays of fire, from where they made a direct path to the centre of her body.

"This whole situation is an exception," Severus whispered; his hands ran up her arms and Parvati felt them through her cardigan as intensely as if he were touching her bare skin. "Otherwise I could never confess my feelings to you. Parvati … you are more to me than just a student I appreciate …"

She stared into his dark eyes, unable to speak, unable to move, while he gently stroked her hair out of her forehead, traced the lines of her face with his long fingers, her cheeks, her lips, her chin, down her neck to her collarbones. And all the time, he looked at her unblinkingly with his dark eyes, in which there was a strange mixture of desire and regret.

Come on, Parvati, say something!, whispered a small voice in her head. Do something! Leave a lasting impression. Maybe he'll change his mind about the Obliviate …

But she did not move from the spot. Now it was really final. She knew that. Just as she knew that he would not take advantage of this unique opportunity.

"It really has been a pleasure having coffee with you," Severus said softly; incessantly stroking Parvati's dark hair. "I haven't had such a good time in a long time—no, never actually …"

"Pleasure's all mine," Parvati whispered. Her throat felt tight, Severus's fingers on her skin were almost more than she could stand. It was a mystery to her how she still managed to keep herself upright at all. Everything in her was crying out for his hands on her body, to touch him, to taste him …

She would give him everything, really everything; but she knew he would not accept it …

Severus took her head in his large hands. "I would also have one last wish, Parvati," he murmured.

"Yes?" she breathed. He wants to kiss me!, it flashed through her mind and the shock went through all her limbs. But why doesn't he just do it …? I just wonder how I'm going to stand it! I'm gonna faint—

"Play this piece again for me," Severus asked in a low voice. "The Prelude by Chopin. Would you?"

Parvati felt the disappointment heavily sink into her body. It doesn't matter, she reminded herself soberly. I won't know anything after this. The important thing now is to leave a lasting impression on him. And if my plonking means something to him—all the better …

"Yes, of course, Professor Snape, anything you want," she squeezed out.

He took her hand and, stunned, Parvati followed him into his flat, to the piano, on which Dumbledore's rune-adorned Pensieve was still looming.

She let herself sink onto the piano stool, which was set too low for her; absent-mindedly, she turned it higher. Then she inspected the loose sheets on the music stand, which had already caught her interest last time. "You compose?" she asked in astonishment.

Severus waved it off. "Not worth mentioning. Improvising would describe it better. Please, play! Do you mind if I stand next to you?"

"No," said Parvati. Yes, she thought, I do mind! I won't hit a single key right …

Now pull yourself together, girl! There it was again, the sober voice that obviously knew exactly what to do. For slowly, Parvati understood that from the very beginning this had not just been about gaining time or satisfying her curiosity for the fleeting moment of an hour. It was about what Severus would remember later. Because who knows, maybe … someday …

Parvati let her hair fall over her face like a curtain, lifted her fingers over the keys and began to play softly. The piano had a heavier keytouch than the grand piano on the seventh floor, but it was perfectly tuned. And already after the first two bars, the tears began to flow. The melancholy sounds made everything inside her tremble, and the thought of what she had just found, only to have it taken away again immediately, tore her heart apart.

Her only consolation was that Severus would not forget. Whenever he looked at her, in class, in the dining hall, he would remember that she had been with him today.

She hit only one wrong note, but she was beyond letting such a small thing upset her. Everything was perfect—never before had she elicited such sounds from a piano; Severus was close behind her, she felt his warmth against her back, and she would have loved to just lean against him, to feel his strong arms around her …

All too soon, the play was over, and hesitantly, she turned to Severus. He looked down at her, and Parvati thought she saw his eyes shimmer moistly. "Thank you so much," he breathed, "it was truly beautiful." With one finger he gently wiped the tear tracks from Parvati's cheek. "When do you usually go to practice, Miss Patil?" he then asked abruptly.

"Um, between five and seven o'clock," she replied, caught off guard.

"Then I'll certainly come over and listen. Secretly, of course!" Severus winked at her, and everything in Parvati tensed. "I'd be honoured," she said hoarsely. "So, and now it's your turn …"

She made an effort to get up from the stool, but Severus prevented her. "No, stay right there," he said with a quiet sharpness in his voice. "Better we get it over and done with now before I change my mind!"

"Oh, please do that!" Parvati let out a thin laugh, at the same time, tears were running from her eyes once again.

"Parvati, it won't work!" Severus had stepped back a little and was eyeing the girl with a reserved expression. "Tomorrow at the latest, you would be at my door again because you can't bear the memories of that night …"

"Then just delete those!" she retorted fiercely, wiping the tears from her face. "What's the problem?"

"You-Know-Who," Severus said tersely. "He is the problem. I've explained it to you, haven't I? As long as he's alive, I can't get involved in anything, it would just be irresponsible. That's why I'm not going to take any chances …"

"But—"

In a loud voice, Severus changed the subject, "By the way, you still have to do the detention, even if you won't remember the reason—"

"Yes, fine, but—"

"Because I really need a deft hand in the lab, and there's no one better than you for that—"

"Hermione? Padma? Lisa?", Parvati listed in a choked voice. "What about them? Perhaps it would be better if we saw each other as rarely as possible from now on …" She was getting quieter and quieter; her throat felt tight.

"You mean I can't cope with working with you?" asked Severus in a pressed voice. His lips were even thinner than usual, and in his eyes she found nothing of what had been there a few minutes ago. "You don't have to worry about that. Your snail extracts are the best, and that's all that matters. Besides, I've already discussed with Professor Dumbledore that you help me!"

"With Dumbledore? What's he got to—"

"That is of no concern to you," Snape retorted. "You—"

"Does he know about me?", Parvati interrupted him.

"No! This incident with you will remain our little secret … my little secret," he corrected himself. "And you—" he lifted his chin in her direction, barely perceptible, "will in future, completely untroubled by that, be concerned solely with your perfect, little life and your school grades. And, of course, your detention. Do we have an understanding?"

"You could just ask me to help you," Parvati said in a small voice. "Why does everything have to go under the guise of detention?"

Snape's lips curled. "Because you still deserve it. Forgetting it won't undo anything, after all. But leave it to me. I'll find something in that pretty, little head of yours from which a plausible reason for a detention can be derived! Alright, do we start now?"

He pulled out his wand again and pointed it directly at Parvati.

"No!" Parvati jumped up and Severus barked at her, "Patil! Sit down right now!"

Parvati sat down, intimidated. She felt the blood slowly drain from her head and again dizziness gripped her. Her upper lip began to tingle, as did her hands, which she could hardly feel anymore.

"I won't let you escape this time, you can be prepared for that," he said quietly, his eyes glinting like smoothly polished stones. "I can give you the Full Body-Bind if you place value on it—or you can behave cooperatively and the result will be a lot better!"

"It's okay," Parvati whispered. By now she was shaking all over. "I got it!"

"There's nothing to be afraid of," Severus said, again a little more gently. "It won't hurt. I will now see to it that you forget everything that has to do with the meeting in the valley—starting with the conversation between Draco and me that you overheard; then your preparations for the flight; the events in the valley themselves and our conversations about them—that also means our coffee party today. You may notice some diffuse moments in your memory, but otherwise everything will be as before. Believe me, it's better this way," he added emphatically as another tear came off from Parvati's eyelashes.

Slowly he approached Parvati and hesitantly placed his wand on her forehead, exactly on the point that her father's people called the Third Eye. She felt a faint tingling at the spot—and only after a few moments noticed the slight tremor of his hand transmitted through the high-quality wood. "Stay as still as possible and look into my eyes," he said softly, "that's the best way for me to extract the memories from the others …"

Parvati clenched her trembling hands together and gritted her teeth. It's better this way, she tried to tell herself. There would have been no future for this …

But the thought of what she would lose choked her throat and tear after tear ran down her cheeks. She was crying for a loss she would soon no longer feel, and that was exactly what tore her heart out. But what else could she do …

"Okay," she whispered and sat up straight. "Now get on with it! And … I wish you good luck … Severus …" Just saying his name. At least once!

"We can all use that, Parvati. I … start now," he said flatly and fixed her with his black eyes, which were suddenly full of sadness—and unadorned yearning.

That look was almost more than Parvati could bear. It can't happen!, she thought wildly. Oh God—I don't want it! Why is he doing this to me?

Again she wanted to jump up, but her limbs were suddenly paralysed. It was equally impossible to avert her eyes from the dark pools in his face, which captivated her with all their might. He was probably hypnotising her somehow, for she felt a trance-like state slowly take possession of her. The trembling stopped—the space around her seemed to consist only of Severus's pale face, framed by his jet-black hair.

It's too late, Parvati thought dully as his lips slowly opened to cast the spell—which would irretrievably erase everything that had been between them. For she knew, on this occasion, he would really erase everything that went even a little beyond of a teacher-student relationship. For her own safety, of course …

A new thought flashed through her, more tormenting than anything else: My diary! I haven't written anything down since the lunar eclipse … Nothing! I'm starting from scratch again and I won't even know it. I'll have to wonder again if he feels anything for me. And this time maybe forever …

But I should have thought about that much sooner, she thought, while Severus's eyes absorbed her like deep whirls, and a strange tugging made itself felt in her head—as if silken ribbons were being pulled through her brain. Now it really is too late …