Hurt to the Bone

She was woken up by her own whimpering. Her right arm, on which she was lying, was a single ache and her head was throbbing. On top of this, she felt sick to her stomach. The voices around her sounded strangely distorted.

Lavender opened her eyes and saw a lot of people standing around her, but also lying. Directly in front of her was Crabbe's massive back, his flab rolls showing under his sweaty T-shirt. The Slytherin Beater was lying on the grass like a dead whale, and a few others had apparently been hit too, judging by the wailing sounds around her.

In a blur, she recognised a tall man with long blond hair a little further back, who had his hand firmly closed around Draco's upper arm and was giving him a good shake—that could only be his father, Lucius Malfoy.

Where was Severus?

"Miss Brown?" she heard the rushed voice of Professor McGonagall, taking her head between her cool hands. "Are you in pain anywhere?"

Lavender opened her mouth, but the effort of trying to speak made her feel really sick and she threw up on the grass and partly on Crabbe's T-shirt. With tears in her eyes, she stared up at the cloudy sky, gasping, wishing this insane pain would stop!

"Scourgify," Professor McGonagall whispered, then called out loudly, "Severus?"

A little later, the serious face of Severus Snape appeared in Lavender's field of vision. He seemed to know immediately which part of her body had been affected—after all, she had fallen directly on it from a height of twenty metres.

Without saying much, he crouched down beside her and carefully turned her to the other side with the Levitation Charm. Then he let his fingertips glide over all her limbs, so gently that she didn't feel it—but apart from her arm, there seemed to be nothing left to feel anyway. If it hadn't been for this murderous pain, she might have been able to find something amusing in the situation. After all, it was the second time in three weeks that Severus was palpating her with a concentrated expression.

"The right arm is broken in several places. The wrist is also affected," he finally said quietly to Professor McGonagall, and Lavender began to cry. Well, that's it for Quidditch for now! So much for, I show him how great I am …

"It's not so bad, child," Professor McGonagall tried to comfort her. "We'll take you to the Hospital Wing now, and let Madam Pomfrey treat you—soon your arm will be as good as new! Look, there's the stretcher already!"

"Wait, Minerva—I'll splint the arm first," Severus said, pulling out his wand. He placed it just below Lavender's shoulder and drew a line across her skin down to her wrist. "Ferula," he murmured in an almost inaudible voice, and despite her anguish, she had the strange sensation of being caressed by those three syllables.

Then, as carefully as they could, they heaved the girl with the Levitation Charm onto the stretcher and put her in the recovery position. Lavender continued to cry without interruption. This dull pain was simply unbearable, and the thought that her bones had just snapped like matchsticks made her feel sick again. Don't puke!, she thought frantically, reciting it to herself like a mantra in her head. Don't puke, don't puke, don't—

But the very next moment, she could no longer hold it back and she threw up again, this time on the stretcher.

"Scourgify. We're almost there," said Professor McGonagall. "Once the bones are whole, the pain will be gone in an instant!"

Lavender closed her eyes and tears seeped from under her lids. Despite the pain, her sense of shame had not gone away. I'm puking around here … in front of Severus! Oh shit, what could be worse!

But Snape had meanwhile turned to Edward Beckett from their team, who had also been hit really badly, and was splinting various limbs of his in the same way as Lavender's arm. Perhaps he hadn't even noticed. Hopefully …

When they arrived at the Hospital Wing, her House teacher levitated Lavender in an unchanged position onto a bed. Only now did she see that a whole caravan of stretchers had followed them. Obviously a veritable pile-up had taken place. Crabbe, Goyle, two other Slytherin boys, Dennis, Edward …

The game is certainly over then, Lavender noted, and will probably be declared invalid. All for nothing …

The room was bustling with activity. Almost all the teachers were present, including Dumbledore. Professor Sinistra, together with Firenze, who had planted himself across the entrance, was trying to get rid of the numerous students who wanted to check on their injured friends.

Madam Pomfrey stood with Professor Sprout in front of Edward's bed and was trying to heal his numerous broken bones with the Episkey spell.

"When is she coming to me?" Lavender heard herself whimper. She just couldn't bear it any more.

"When she's finished with Edward and Dennis," Professor McGonagall said softly.

"They can't be any worse off than I am!" sobbed Lavender.

"Oh yes!" said the teacher a shade more sternly. "Mister Beckett has a comminuted fracture in his lower leg, his kneecap has slipped, and he—"

Commenting on these abominations, Lavender vomited for the third time, then burst into a furious howl. "I—can't—take—it—anymore!" she screamed in a shrill voice, tears spurting from her eyes. "Let the stupid cow come now—NOW!"

"Scourgify," Professor McGonagall said resignedly. "All right, maybe Severus … Severus!" she called loudly, signalling to Snape, who, like many others, had already been staring over at them. "You can do it too, can't you," she murmured to him when he had reached them. "The poor child—she can't take it any more …"

She rose from her stool and pushed it towards Severus. Then she went off to check on Dennis Creevey. Great, thought Lavender. And if I throw up again, he'll have to clean it up …! At least, he doesn't look very enthusiastic …

Severus had taken a seat in front of her and looked into her eyes for a moment. "Please try not to cry anymore, Miss Brown," he said finally. "The bones heal together best when you are very still."

Lavender's sobs, which had already become quieter, now died away completely. Her arm still hurt like hell and her wrist was burning like fire by now—but all that was a lot easier to bear as long as she was allowed to look into those dark eyes …

But now he turned his gaze away from her and fixed it on her upper arm. As intensely as he stared at it, she almost had the impression that he could see her bones through her skin and muscle cells—who knows, Lavender thought, maybe he can. Then he put the tip of his wand to the fracture and said, "Episkey."

Instantly, the pain in her upper arm was gone. "That's much better," Lavender said with relief, and the brief look he gave her seemed to reflect her pleasure about that.

"Good, the forearm then," Severus murmured, letting his long fingers glide over her skin in just a hint of a touch. Lavender, unfortunately, didn't feel any of it, but still, the mere sight of that gesture made her hair stand up on the back of her neck. "It's a bit more complicated with that, I'm afraid … it has to be held in place for the bones to grow together properly …" He looked around searchingly. "Minerva?"

Professor McGonagall rushed up and Severus explained to her what he was going to do. Oh, that doesn't sound good, Lavender thought with growing panic. That doesn't sound good at all!

"No!" she exclaimed involuntarily as Severus reached for her forearm with both hands, where the pain had become a dull throbbing, and the tears began to flow again. "Can't I have a painkiller?" she whispered.

He paused and looked her in the eye again. "I'm afraid that's not possible, because then the Episkey can't work," he explained.

Lavender hung her head.

"It will only hurt for a moment," Severus said now in a very gentle voice. "But then it will be over. You are a brave girl, aren't you, Lavender?"

He squinted one eye slightly and Lavender's heart began to beat faster. Despite everything—it was incredible. With widened eyes she stared at him and nodded.

"So, this is settled then, I guess" Professor McGonagall remarked in a slightly pointed tone, and Lavender chuckled inwardly at the reprimanding look she gave Severus. Obviously she didn't think much of this flattery tactic, even though it was clearly the best medicine for Lavender.

This time she said nothing as Snape reached for her arm, but the next moment was the purest explosion of pain. Lavender was just aware of the sickening sensation as the bone fragments in her forearm shifted against each other before she fainted for a moment.

When she came to, Professor McGonagall was in the middle of removing another mess from Lavender. Oh no …, she thought, and the next moment Severus did something to her arm again that made her cry out shrilly. Unfortunately, she didn't faint now and she got to see, fully conscious, Professor McGonagall heal a whole five fractures, while Severus had previously set her bones in the right position each time with a relentless iron grip. At the same time, both teachers were comforting Lavender, who was writhing in pain on the bed, crying and having to retch again and again although her stomach was already empty.

"It's almost over, Miss Brown …"

"Hang on, Lavender …"

"Episkey!"

"You're doing very well …"

"In a few minutes, you can join the others for coffee and have a delicious quark turnover … oh!—Scourgify!"

"You are really very, very brave …"

"Episkey … done!" said Professor McGonagall with relief, and Lavender carefully felt her forearm with her other hand. "And my hand?" she asked anxiously, eyeing the red swollen thing that had once been a dainty wrist and still burned like fire.

"We go for it now," Severus said seriously, sitting down on the edge of Lavender's bed and carefully sliding his hand under hers. Even as he gently twisted her wrist back and forth with his other hand, Lavender began to scream. The fountains of pain shooting through her entire arm were simply indescribable; the forearm had been a piece of cake compared to that.

This time she didn't understand any of the comforting words, and she wasn't even sure if there were any. It was all drowned in her fierce cries as Severus again adjusted her bones and Professor McGonagall recited the spell—this time far more than five times. Finally, Lavender, almost senseless with pain, pressed her face against his thigh—she could only just control herself not to bite his robe—and wrapped her healthy arm around his knees. It was the only way to somehow endure it …

After what seemed to her like an awful eternity, Professor McGonagall said, "Done!"

They were finally finished. Lavender's arm no longer hurt, she only felt the blood pulsing hotly in it. But she felt infinitely exhausted. And what place in the world was better than Severus's lap, into which she had burrowed her head unchanged?

"It's over, Lavender," Severus said, and there was actually something like a laugh in his voice. "You can come out again!" And then he ran his hand—unbelievably!—briefly through her hair.

Lavender sat up straight and blinked at her teachers from puffy eyes. "Are you alright?", Professor McGonagall, looking a little pale around the nose, made sure. She handed Lavender a large glass of water.

Lavender nodded. "Yes, just great! Thank you so much …" She drank almost the whole glass in one go and only now realised how thirsty she had been.

Professor McGonagall waved it off. "Don't mention it. Be careful with the arm for a few more days. It's all healed, but it shouldn't be put under unnecessary strain! So no Quidditch! I have to go back to Mister Beckett now. You're in good hands with Professor Snape," she added with a smug sideways glance at the Slytherin, and Lavender stifled a smile. I think I'm dreaming! He's being nice to me, and she's noticing and joking about it!

Professor McGonagall left and Severus said, "You should probably lie down and rest for a while. You've just been through quite a lot."

But Severus also made a rather exhausted impression, and Lavender noticed once again how pale and unrested he seemed lately. And yet he looks after me all the time! There are four injured Slytherins here, but he couldn't care less …

She glanced at the two Beaters, who were lying on their beds like fat sea cows, whimpering and snivelling to themselves. Serves them right, Lavender thought contentedly. They wanted to shoot me down all the time and had to bite the dust as well …

"What exactly happened, anyway?" she asked, only to have Severus sit on the edge of her bed for a moment longer.

"You collided with a Bludger," Severus said. "And in your dive, you took the rest of the patients here with you …"

"Collided," Lavender repeated wryly, looking at Snape with raised eyebrows. "I would rather say the Bludger was fired at me!"

"It's part of the game," he said. Of course, he was protecting his little boys, as always.

"It was only fired at me," Lavender said fiercely. "So that I would get tired and make a mistake sometime! You know that perfectly well!" Her voice began to tremble—like about everything else about her. She could feel hot tears burning behind her lids again. And part of her was happy about it.

"Please," Severus said quietly, taking Lavender's hand. "You mustn't get upset! I promise to sort this out."

Lavender barely heard his words, blood rushing to her ears. He took my hand. Oh—my—God …

But a moment later she tightened herself to continue this dialogue, which was now suddenly not quite so important. "Then ask Draco first!" she uttered, closing her fingers tightly around his. "He said he'd finish me off at the game. And now he's set his heavies on me!"

Severus leaned forward and looked Lavender in her tear-stained eyes. "And I warned you," he murmured. "I warned you and your friend not to tease Draco Malfoy. And yet you did it again and again …"

"So now it's my own fault for almost breaking my neck!" Lavender hissed at her teacher. And of course for him waylaying me in the locker room, she thought to herself. Oh man, I hope I don't smell like vomit! The thought now made her really cry and she lowered her head in shame.

"Miss Brown, now don't cry," Severus said, almost a little helplessly. "You must rest … everything else is not important now!"

He still held her hand, and with the other he gently stroked her hair. Keep your distance!, Lavender reminded herself, with everything in her crying out to simply throw herself around his neck. But there would be nothing to be gained by turning him off right away now that they had finally come closer, so she merely opened her eyes up at him and said the first thing that came to her mind, "So now I'm 'Miss Brown' again?" Immediately she was startled by her own impudence.

Severus's eyes widened almost imperceptibly; obviously he couldn't cope with Lavender's rapid changes of mood. "I'd best get you another glass of water!" He let go of her hand and went away.

Lavender remained sitting on her bed, stunned, tugging at her half-dissolved plait. What was that now, she scolded herself. Now I've scared him off … and why is he fetching me water? Why not a chewing gum right away? I knew it, I'm stinking …

She quickly looked to the right and left to see if she could find something to eat or chewing gum-like, but Severus was already back with the water. "Thank you, Professor," Lavender said well-behaved and emptied the glass again in one go.

Severus, who had stopped in front of her, said, "I must now look after the students from my house. Madam Pomfrey will check on you in a moment. Until then, please lie down and rest—Lavender!" he added with a meaningful look.

"Yes, I will," Lavender breathed. "And thank you for everything … Severus!"

Severus only raised his eyebrows, then turned and walked to Goyle's bed, who no one had bothered with at all until now.

Lavender stared after him, heart pounding and completely agitated. Did that really just happen?, she asked herself, stunned, as she complied with his demand and slowly sank into the pillows. Just then she caught sight of Parvati and Hermione in the doorway. They apparently wanted to check on her, but Madam Pomfrey was still not letting anyone in. The girls waved to Lavender—Hermione too!—but immediately, Parvati's gaze wandered and lingered on Goyle's bed, where Severus was sitting and—also looking at her. Lavender felt the same adrenaline rush of disappointment that she had felt this morning when they had exchanged that brief but intense look.

What's going on here?, she thought, and again the tears flowed. Maybe he just wants to really take the piss out of us? Maybe he noticed long ago that we want something from him and is just annoyed! Or am I just imagining things …?

Sniffling, she buried her face in the pillow. What am I supposed to do now? If I knew at least to some extent whether he felt anything … and for whom!

"So, you've got through it now, child," she suddenly heard Madam Pomfrey's comforting voice beside her. "You can return to your house if you like. Or is there anything else I can do for you?"

"No, thank you," Lavender said quickly. "But wait—" she leaned forward and hissed in the nurse's ear, "I kept throwing up earlier. Do I smell …?"

"No, not at all!" exclaimed Madam Pomfrey with a laugh. "Professor McGonagall has used the Scouring Charm every time, hasn't she? You can rely on that—as the name suggests!"

Still laughing, she rushed off to the next patient and didn't notice Lavender clapping her hand to her forehead and sinking back into the pillow with a groan.

The next day, Lavender still felt her arm throbbing—yet fortunately, there was no more pain. But her head was aching—apart from the broken arm, she had suffered a slight concussion—and to make matters worse, she had now caught the long-dreaded cold, the only one in the whole team to do so. Lavender was sneezing and blowing her nose non-stop.

But that did not dampen her good mood. Once again, she was the shining centre of attention at the Gryffindor table. The game was meticulously analysed by her classmates and illuminated from every angle, with Lavender ultimately having had her status as heroine. Even Ron, for whom no one had any praise, got over himself and deigned to make one or two nice remarks.

I guess it was well worth it after all, she thought happily. Everyone likes me—even Severus …

The only downer was her friend Parvati, who didn't really seem happy for Lavender. She had never been good at pretending something was there that wasn't. She's jealous because Severus took care of me!, thought Lavender, sure thing! Just like back then. And I'm getting it only now … even Hermione's more excited! She's been a lot more relaxed lately anyway …

In fact, Lavender and Hermione were talking to each other again; only the most necessary things, but this ice-cold enmity seemed to have thawed, at least at the edges, since they had worried about Parvati together last weekend.

And the worries about Parvati had not become much less. Lavender had never seen her friend so quiet and depressed as she had been for the past week. She crept through the corridors like a big, sad cat, hardly ate anything and buried herself behind her books or behind the piano, from which she elicited heartbreaking sounds. It had occured more than once that Lavender kept her company and wrote in her diary while Parvati practised. Never before had the words flowed so easily from her wrist as with this dreamy, melancholic music in the background.

Since the middle of last week, however, Parvati had seemed to be feeling a little better—perhaps the detention at Severus's cheered her up … No wonder, this is her chance!, Lavender thought sourly, and her face hardened at the thought. Since yesterday, a healthy dose of anger had been added to her concern for her friend. I'm really getting sick of this secrecy! Telling me all the time she wants something from Harry! Why not Neville right away? How stupid does she think I am? Thinks, she can go behind my back and calmly throw herself at Severus? Nope, my dear! Over my dead body!

In the afternoon, a meeting was scheduled at Professor Dumbledore's office, which was attended by the house teachers, prefects and the team captains of the Slytherin and Gryffindor houses.

And at dinner, it was announced by the director: Crabbe's and Goyle's repeated attacks on Lavender were retrospectively ruled fouls by the referee, and the game declared valid, although the Snitch was not caught, "to make an example", as Dumbledore put it. "Anyone who tries to win by unfair means should not get away with it. Gryffindor has therefore won the game and will receive one hundred and fifty house points …"

The last words were lost in the deafening cheers of the Gryffindors. Lavender was almost crushed by Dean and Seamus sitting to her left and right. "Watch my arm!" she shouted, laughing, as she registered out of the corner of her eye that Severus was watching her with a deadpan expression from the High Table. Or was he looking at Parvati, who was struggling in vain to look reasonably enthusiastic?

Why doesn't she sit down with the Slytherins right away?, Lavender thought, casting a quick glance over to the table where Draco and his cronies, who were no longer in the Hospital Wing, sat with grim expressions, giving the Gryffindors and Dumbledore murderous looks.

"Well, this really isn't a good weekend for Slytherin," Harry, who had followed her gaze, remarked cheerfully and took a sip of his apple juice. Lavender hadn't seen him in such a sparkling mood for a long time. The fact that this time, the victory had come without his usual breakneck effort seemed to matter little to him, he was probably just glad to be rid of all the pressure for a while. In addition, malicious joy was oozing out of his every pore—in any case, he was miles away from yesterday's harmony ideal at the moment.

In the evening, of course, there was a big party in the Gryffindor common room. Lavender was always surrounded by a bunch of classmates, especially at the beginning, but she still noticed Parvati doing justice to the butterbeer without much inhibition. Hermione spoke to her several times, probably for that very reason, but Parvati's posture said it all: leave me alone. She'd rather run off to her piano anyway, Lavender thought. Or straight to Severus! Just you wait … tomorrow, it's my turn with detention!

Lavender was seriously considering seizing this opportunity. Making it unmistakably clear to him that she wanted him, with every fibre of her body. And her soul. Why should he reject me? He seems to care about me, too …

Getting closer to Severus had been Lavender's greatest dream until recently—nothing less, but nothing more either. She had cheated her way into his course, turning half of Hogwarts against herself, but deep down never believed that this great plan would give her even the slightest chance with Snape.

But now everything was different. Parvati's looks. And then Severus yesterday …

Her heart pounded as often as she thought of how he had treated her in the Hospital Wing. How lovingly he had talked her through it. "You are a brave girl, Lavender …"

Huh …! As every time at the thought of his voice, which had been so full of warmth, she got goose bumps. Would he have talked like that with everyone? And afterwards … the way he stroked my hair—and his remarks … in parts he was almost flirting with me! And he took my hand! Oh—my—

"Cheers, Lavender! To our super-genius team!" Harry let his butterbeer bottle clink against hers and with it, Lavender was ruthlessly jolted out of her sweet memories.

"Oops—cheers! And to Malfoy and Co!" she added with a giggle and sneezed immediately afterwards.

"Bless you!" Harry was still in the same ebullient mood as at dinner—in stark contrast to his friend Ron, who was sulking away a little further back in the corner of the fireplace. While Lavender blew her nose, he leaned down to her and murmured, "By the way, I heard, Malfoy got a lot of trouble from his father—I ran into Dobby in the kitchen earlier. He overheard the two of them!"

"Really?" said Lavender, a little surprised, and she remembered how Lucius Malfoy had shaken his son like a young dog in front of everyone. She put her handkerchief away and looked up at Harry. "What was he doing here anyway? Lacing his baby's shoes and helping him onto his broom?"

"That's nothing new!" Harry nodded, his voice taking on a contemptuous edge. "Since he bought his junior into the Slytherin team, he just has to show up at the games every now and then, doesn't he?"

"And what did he say to him now?" asked Lavender curiously.

"He was pissed off because he blew the game," Harry told her. "Apparently he immediately saw that his son was behind it all. He called him a no-good bastard, and wondered who had passed all this stupidity on to him …"

Harry and Lavender started laughing, although without wanting so, a small spark of pity stirred in Lavender. That could have been my mother's original line, she thought uneasily.

With raised eyebrows, Harry continued, "Then he suggested that he finally keep his clumsy mitts off the Gryffindors, especially the female ones, if he didn't want serious trouble!"

Lavender almost choked on her beer and Harry snorted with laughter when he saw the look on her face.

"He said that?" she gasped in disbelief.

"According to Dobby, yes, and he would never lie to me," Harry affirmed.

Lavender nodded. She herself got on splendidly with the house-elf, who had been working as a regular employee at Hogwarts for two years—about the time, Lavender had started to be fed more or less regularly in the kitchen. "He told Malfoy to keep his mitts off the Gryffindor girls?" she nevertheless verified once more.

"I was a bit surprised too, to be honest. Why would Malfoy's father suddenly be worried about Gryffindors?"

"And who does Dra—Malfoy get into trouble with then?" echoed Lavender. "What did his father mean by that?"

Harry shrugged and took another sip of butterbeer. But before he could answer, Ginny had appeared at his side and started chattering blithely at him.

Involuntarily, Lavender took a step to the side. If she knew she had a clear run all this time! A shadow settled over her party mood and she shot an angry glance over at Parvati, who was sitting on a table some distance away, letting Seamus overtext her and looking absent-mindedly through him. And I hope you liked the way I made an ass of myself the whole time! I'm bending my brain for you, and you're just letting all my jabbering about Ginny and rivals rush in one ear and out the other! That sucks!

Again, she felt the disappointment about Parvati's lack of trust run through her limbs like poison, and she pinched her lips together angrily. But that doesn't mean we're done with the subject of rivals! That one is certainly not resting any more!

At that moment, loud music started to play. Dean had put "Screaming Mandrakes" on his boombox and turned up the volume, which was met with high-pitched shouts of enthusiasm from many. Immediately, a number of students gathered in the middle of the room and began to dance exuberantly.

The first breathy verses from lead singer Belladonna rang out and made Lavender's scalp tingle:

"Your eyes so cruel,

looking at me,

deep into my soul;

it seems to be …"

Parvati put the beer bottle down on the table without making a face, pulled her scrunchie out of her hair in such a typical movement and mingled with the dancers with smooth movements. It was her favourite song, "Halloween"—everyone in the room knew that by now. It was hard to miss, too, the way she was moving to it so intensely, her eyes almost closed, her face half hidden by her hair. And thinking of Severus, of course, Lavender was aware. How could anyone think of anything else with that song?

With full percussion, the second verse flowed seamlessly into the first, accompanied by a sombre strumming of the electric guitar, which sent goosebumps down Lavender's spine, as it did every time.

"… that you see who I am,

know exactly my kind;

Are you one of those who can

read people's mind?

Leaving heads

Like empty pumpkins behind …?"

Lavender did not dance. She wasn't allowed to because of her concussion—besides, everything inside her seemed to freeze into ice. Leaning quietly against the table behind her, clutching her butterbeer tightly, she stared spellbound at the slender figure of her friend, who was fully absorbed in the driving rhythm of the music, her dark hair flying, her strangely enraptured face behind it. It had never seemed so strange to Lavender in the light of the many candles, but it had also never seemed so beautiful—so clear lines and yet so vulnerable; her eyes were dark shadows, her lips sharp accents that told of the extent of her longing. And which, as always, passionately sang along the lyrics, each word a silent plea:

"Why don't you dance with me on Halloween,

Why don't you show your face I've never seen,

Why don't you fight your ghosts on Halloween?

And push away the wall and let me in …"

And while Lavender listened to the strangely discordant, yet melodic, heart-stirring sounds and kept her eyes on Parvati, deep inside she had the sad feeling that a period was coming to an end. Nothing could be the same as it used to be, when Parvati and she had spent most of the school hours writing notes and hanging under the table half dead with laughter and caressing each other before falling asleep—when one Severus Snape had still been enough for both of them.

But this is long gone, Lavender thought. I just didn't know it yet …

That night, Lavender dreamed of Severus again. They were standing in the middle of the bright yellow cornfield, he held her head in his hands and kissed her with a devotion that made tears run down her face.

Note:

The Lyrics of "Halloween" are by me. There will be more verses in later chapters …