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CHAPTER 14:
AN UNFADING PROMISE
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Author's Notes: The compositions for this Chapter are, in order of scene: 'An Unfading Dream,' from the FINAL FANTASY X Original Soundtrack, Disc Four; and then 'Vector To the Heavens,' from KINGDOM HEARTS: THREE HUNDRED FIFTY-EIGHT DAYS OVER TWO, that is referred to in KINGDOM HEARTS Insider's KINGDOM HEARTS: THREE HUNDRED FIFTY-EIGHT DAYS OVER TWO's GameRip MP3 section as 'XionBattle.' Additionally, the former MP3 can't be found in KINGDOM HEARTS Insider's MP3 section.
Tidus walked over to Yuna and the other two fairies, and Xion suppressed the urge to tense.
"I could tell, too, when Riku came back home the first time himself, that Riku was forgetting the person who I now know is Xion. Even though I didn't know who Xion was myself then so I wasn't in a position to remember her.
"I'm sorry that I didn't see you the day you came to the Destiny Islands yourself, since things might have been a lot different then if I had. Roxas, Lea, I'm sorry to you, too. At worst, I'd have remembered who you were, Xion, when you returned to Sora, realized part of what your death had meant, and while Sora had come to terms with Roxas' death, he wouldn't have tolerated what yours had cost, and then he would most likely have gotten you and Roxas out of his heart a lot sooner."
Tidus would have protected Roxas and Lea.
Tidus would have remembered her.
All Xion would have needed to do was meet him that day she'd traveled to Destiny Islands, lost and despairing and uncertain of who or what she was or why she was here in reality, why she'd been brought into the World, why she currently existed, and what point there was in continuing to live when there was no meaning or purpose to living an entire fabricated lie, laughing with best friends who she was just causing to suffer far more, and who she never had, and didn't, belong with.
And then everything would have been different.
She and Roxas weren't together as Kairi and Sora had been, but as soon as Xion had heard Tidus say that he loved her, she should have done the right thing, given up on Roxas, and accepted Tidus' feelings for her.
That would have hurt Roxas much less, and Lea, as well.
She should have just forced Roxas, or Lea, or both, to murder her once more as soon as Roxas had stopped running to her and reaching out his hand and arm to her, terrified measurelessly beyond any and all comprehensible or incomprehensible terror that if he so much as entered her vicinity or brushed her with his hand the most minuscule, most infinitesimal amount, he'd hurt her once more.
If Lea hadn't been there, as well, and hadn't pulled Roxas and her and himself close and safe and warm and tight and protected and sheltered from the horror and the agony and the anguish and the pain that Xion, still the oblivious idiot she had been from the instant of her inception, had genuinely believed might at last be, finally, finally, finally, finally, finally, finally, finally, finally, finally, finally, finally, finally, finally, finally, finally, finally, finally, finally, finally over; or if she hadn't known from as soon as Roxas had told Riku why he was attempting to assault The Castle That Never Was head on that her effort to give Roxas new direction now that she'd no longer be there to care for him and support him had backfired in among the worst possible ways, that he was seeking his death now, and that she was still murdering him and torturing him even after she'd given him all her life and legacy to stop killing him and tormenting him and to cherish him and keep him safe; and if Xion hadn't had months afterwards with Roxas right there beside her in the warmth of Sora's heart to grapple with that heart and mind erasing awareness, at peace and home and safe and resting together with her in at least some fashion, she very well might have.
But the opportunity had passed, and Xion had known afterwards that she couldn't try to force one or both of them to murder her once again, and she couldn't leave them once again, even if it would hurt Roxas or Lea less by doing so.
Lea was looking at Xion with his face a mask, but Xion didn't say or make any motion to try to reassure Lea not to worry about her.
He knew as well as she did that that would be a full lie.
Xion had lied to Lea and Roxas, and betrayed their feelings, enough already.
Yuna looked over to Tidus, and she smiled brightly and extended her right hand for Tidus to shake.
"So we finally really meet," she said. "It's great that I'll at last get to know who, and where, the real Roxas and Xion and Lea and you lie."
But Tidus obviously knew how Xion and Lea would take that, as well as Roxas when he heard about this, for he didn't smile back, though he did shake Yuna's hand before pulling his hand and arm back.
Xion hated herself far more at the knifing agony that ripped through her because Tidus did shake Yuna's hand.
Tidus did smile at Yuna then, and far more knifing anguish tore through all of Xion's being.
"We can start being friends by you not keeping a distance from me by refusing to score yourself because you're afraid that you'll come between me and Xion, or me and any of my other friends," Tidus said, and Yuna blinked, clearly surprised. "Lezard told me that you like to martyr yourself as Hercules did."
Hercules was standing with Meg and Phil, one arm around Meg, who was leaning on his shoulder, keeping her own face a mask but obviously still wracked by pain of her own that she'd created the Angel of Sin, temporarily cost Phil his heart, and that Hercules now knew that she'd been betraying him, and his feelings for her and the other people he loved and the people who he wanted to keep safe, for years.
Xion knew the feeling.
"Don't do it," Tidus encouraged Yuna. "If you want to be friends with me, then be the friend to me who you want to be. If you want to look into whether or not we can date while we're friends, then look into it with your eyes on making the shot."
"Well, what do you want to do, Xion?"
"It's gotta' be something good, if you're a WINNER!"
"Right."
"Wow. The Sun sure is beautiful. I know we've seen a lot of Sunsets, but today's puts them all to shame. If only things stayed like this."
"What if we all ran off?"
"What?"
"The three of us. Then we could always be together."
"We don't have any place to run."
"I know. Heh, I was just thinking out loud."
"Well, even if things change, we'll never be apart–"
"As long as we remember each other… right? Don't worry, Axel – we got your hokey speech memorized."
"Just checking."
"I'll have these moments memorized for a long time. Forever, I hope."
"Me too. Forever…"
Yuna smiled, obviously touched by Tidus' words, but she responded, "That would cause you more problems than it solves. Friends don't hurt each other knowingly."
Xion was successfully able to suppress her emotions this time, but Lea frowned.
Tidus shook his head. "That's not how it works.
"I realized something after Kairi brought me to my senses."
Kairi herself was resting on the nearby bed in the room they were in in the rebuilt Olympus Coliseum while Olympus' Moon shone its reflected rays through the window upon her face and body, at the angle of early night even though Xion knew it was past Midnight by now by Destiny Island's time.
Zack, no longer exhausted himself and still awake after his own sleep, was sitting in a chair at her bedside, obviously due to how responsible he felt for her condition.
Hades had left to travel up Mount Olympus and surrender to Zeus.
Phil hadn't wanted him to leave by himself, because he was skeptical whether or not Hades would go through with surrendering if he wasn't watched, but Hercules and Meg had both assured him that Hades wouldn't renege after he'd vowed by Persephone and Cerberus that his surrender was real.
Ven was sitting down in a chair with Aqua and Terra nearby, looking very tired himself, obviously more injured than he'd appeared to be from his injuries from the battle with Zack, and the posture he was sitting in disturbed Xion.
It reminded her all too much of how Roxas had sat when she'd been draining him.
But Xion knew she was just being haunted by phantoms.
She was in a different replica body now.
She couldn't drain energy from anyone any longer.
That, at least, was a way that Xion could be assured that she couldn't hurt anyone any further.
"Sacrificing yourself for others hurts them even when you don't die in the process. Though what I'm about to say still happens anyway when you do, so this is another reason that you should live for others and not die for them.
"But you need to be careful even when living for others," Hercules looked over at Tidus with an expression showing that he was taking this to heart, "Because, no matter how you give of yourself, doing so burdens the other person or people with the knowledge that he or she or they have caused you to give yourself to him or her, so that person or people feel obliged to live up to that sacrifice.
"You're not putting me in a bad situation. I'm already in one, so there's no point to you worrying about hurting me further; you can't make this mess better regardless of what choice you make."
Yuna winced, and Tidus hurried on.
"So, can you do me a favor and just be the friend to me who you want to be, potential dates involved or not?"
Lea gave Tidus an approving smile, and Xion had to keep tears from spilling over.
She'd spent a lot of time with Tidus for well over a year by now.
As horrible as it felt to feel it, and think about it, because of how much it felt like she was betraying Roxas' feelings, there was a very small part of her that genuinely did want to at least consider Tidus romantically.
Xion hoped with all her heart that considering Tidus romantically was as far as it went.
Ven made a sound of pain, as though someone had just yanked something from him.
"What's wrong now?" Terra questioned.
"I don't know," Ven answered. "I've been feeling a lot weaker than usual for the past few weeks, and a couple nights ago I even needed to struggle to breathe for a minority of minutes."
Aqua's and Terra's eyes widened.
"I wouldn't worry about it," Ven reassured them. "It's probably just a bad cold. Namine's been looking a little fatigued herself for the past month, though I doubt that anyone else has noticed. I have, though, since she's looking tired in the same ways I have been.
"But I'm sure it's not a problem. I've been feeling this way off and on, to lesser extents as it's gradually gotten worse, since Sora gave Roxas and Xion their hearts back."
Xion felt every single drop of blood in her face drain away out of it fully, and she was no longer sure that she knew whether or not there was such a thing as reality or existence.
Lea went completely and absolutely white and stiff, and Tidus jolted violently.
"Excuse me," Tidus said to Yuna. "I need to talk to Xion about something."
Yuna nodded, uncertain, and Tidus turned in Xion's direction and sprinted her way, but Lea stepped between Tidus and her.
"I'll deal with this," Lea said. "I've got promises to keep, remember?"
What were promises, again?
Lea turned to face Xion, but, though he didn't summon Flame Liberator, he took a few careful steps in her direction to make it clear that he was positioning himself to do what he felt was necessary if he believed that he needed to.
Hadn't Lea learned yet?
Xion let out a harsh, broken giggle.
There was no way to stop her, or any of this, and there never would be.
She herself was the maelstrom of hatred and despair and rejection and torment that had been engulfing all of the cosmos since time immemorial.
Lea was just fire.
Fire couldn't stop a vortex of water.
There was nothing, nothing at all whatsoever, that he or she could do to stop her, or any of this, or even slow her, or any of it, down.
Ven's eyes widened as he realized what he'd just said, and he quickly spoke, "Xion, it can't be you this time. You're in a different replica body. You shouldn't think that you're responsible."
Xion didn't know for sure that she was siphoning Roxas himself of energy this time, but if no one but Namine and Ven had noticed that Namine was becoming weaker, then it was entirely possible that she was still siphoning Roxas, and no one, maybe even Roxas himself, had become aware of it by now.
Then reality and existence, if there were such things, shattered completely, not even leaving behind the infinite and unending emptiness of the void, as Xion realized why she was siphoning Namine.
It was because she'd strained Namine's power over memories far too much by returning to Sora, and taking the memories of everyone who had so much as beheld Xion with a brief glance in one of the worlds that she'd traveled through, with her, and then restored those memories when Lea, Sora, and Xemnas had given Xion back her heart.
Even if she returned to Sora's heart this time, or died wholly by committing suicide herself, or being murdered by one or more other people, she might keep Ven and Roxas safe, but by doing so, she'd just speed up how swiftly she was causing Namine to waste away and die.
And, because returning to Sora's heart a second time wouldn't sever her connection with Namine's power over memories and would drastically strain Namine's power even further, for all she knew, this time not even doing that, even if she cast herself into the death beyond all oblivion that Hades hated and wiped herself from all creation completely, guaranteed that she could even keep Ven and Roxas safe.
For all she knew, she was draining Kairi as well, and Sora himself, because Kairi had once been kept loved and cherished and safe and warm inside Sora's heart as Roxas and she had been, herself, and Sora was the connection between all of them, and the source of Xion's power to drain energy from the hearts connected to Sora merely so long as her heart beat and her blood pulsed in her veins.
Even if she wasn't, if she returned to Sora's heart for a second time, as she'd made things far worse and dragged Namine and Ven down with Roxas by trying to keep Roxas safe, then she might take Sora and Kairi down with Roxas, Namine, and Ven.
If Young Vanitas was anywhere in the vicinity, she was certain that she was yanking him inexorably into a remorseless and inescapable excruciating and lingering death by wasting away, as well.
It had to be Xehanort and Xemnas who had given her all of her heart back, and not Lea and Sora.
No matter whether she lived for others or died for them, lived or died herself, felt the pain of the people who she loved and cried in their place or turned away from their suffering and closed her eyes to their tears, a part of her remained in an afterlife forever or nothing remained of her in existence, almost certainly even if she literally caused it to be as though she'd never even existed at all in the first place as it appeared to be when no one remembered her because the power of connections transcended all space and time, she'd never be able to stop murdering and hurting the people who she loved, or even slow down or lessen how horrifically and how much and how often and how relentlessly she did so.
No matter what she said, no matter what she did, no matter what she felt, no matter what she thought, no matter what she should do, no matter what she wanted to do, no matter whether she existed, no matter whether she was real, no matter whether she had a heart, no matter whether there was proof in existence that she was real while she was alive or memories and a legacy of her left behind when she was gone to prove to the people still alive when she was gone and future generations afterwards that she'd once been here, no matter whether she was a synthetic person, no matter whether she was a silhouette of a person, no matter whether she was an artificial replica, no matter whether she was an unnatural Nobody, no matter whether she was alone and knew nothing but cold death and combat and suffering and pain, no matter whether she enabled others to belong and belonged herself and she knew warm love and best friendship and friendship and being a little piece of a much greater number of people and a much greater World, there was no escape.
Then Xion could tell, just on the barest edges of her perception, that reality, and she herself, existed.
She was wrong.
There was one way left that she could keep Roxas and Lea and Tidus and Namine and Ven and Sora and Kairi safe.
As Tidus and Kairi and Hercules and Lezard had said, you didn't keep others safe by dying for them.
You lived for them to keep them safe, without betraying their feelings in the process.
Xion called her Kingdom Key into her right hand in coils of silver and gold and aimed it to the side to open a corridor to The Lanes Between.
Lea looked relieved that she wasn't going to attempt to attack him or anyone else, but he didn't lower his guard.
"What are you doing?" he asked.
"I'm going to journey into the most remote reaches of all of the realms," Xion replied. "Outside of even Gaes, into the furthest depths of the void where Domain of Tales dwells, if I can survive there so I don't siphon Namine further by dying, and straining her power over memories badly a third time."
Lea's eyes widened and he stopped moving as he became aware of what this meant about how Xion couldn't even stop draining Namine, if not the other hearts connected to Sora, if she vanished this time.
"But before I hide in the void, I'm going to discover how to become immortal, so I can ensure that I don't grow old and die in the void before Namine or anyone else dies of old age.
"Then, once I'm hidden so well in the void that no one will find me, I'll become one with its astral tapestry as Alicia is now one with the astral tapestry of the realm of light, and ensure that I remain awake and aware each instant everlastingly beyond the end of all space and time while in a Dreamstone crystal or another state of prisoned suspension as far away from others and as alone in the endless and infinite darkness as possible, so that, if someone does find me and attempts to force me to return from my isolated trap, I can flee elsewhere, hide somewhere else, and continue to live eternally and as far away from others in the blackness so that I never risk murdering or hurting someone else once more."
Lea looked as though he could barely stand now, and Tidus' legs did give out and he crashed to his knees, tears brimming in his eyes and spilling down his face.
"I will not abandon and betray Roxas, and you, or anyone else who I love, or anyone else at all, any longer.
"I'm going to travel beyond the point of no return past infinity and beyond and the blink of never beginning and forever everlasting time into the unending night, and remain there everlastingly awake," desperate tears of utter, utter, utter, utter, utter, utter, utter, utter, utter, utter, utter, utter, utter, utter, utter, utter, utter, utter, utter, utter, utter, utter, utter, utter complete and total and whole and absolute relief and bliss and excitement and exhilaration and eagerness and euphoria brimmed in Xion's eyes, fell from them, and spilled down her face, and she smiled blissfully and euphorically, "Without even the refuge and the solace from pain and torment of dreams or sleep or the total lack of awareness of death, unmaking from creation, or the undoing of my inception before it happened, even in the feelings and thoughts of others before I was made; imprisoned from all freedom as far away from Roxas and you and Tidus and Namine and Ven and Sora and Kairi and Young Vanitas and everyone else in existence as possible and as alone as I have the potential to be, forever."
It appeared as though every last drop of blood had drained from Lea's entire body, and Tidus scrambled to his feet.
"Have you completely lost it this time!?" Lea yelled, sounding so terrified and horrified that it was as though he wasn't fully aware of what was going on. "You're the one who has lost your memory! Recall what Lezard and Kairi and Hercules and Tidus said! That's a fathomlessly worse sacrifice than even dying for someone! Stop feeling and thinking about what you should do for Roxas and I and Tidus and the others and feel and think about what you want to do!"
Xion giggled whimsically, brightly, and amusedly, letting more tears of euphoria brim and spill over and streak her face.
This was the individual identity and the freedom from all constraints, and the real her, and the heart, and the answer, that she'd been seeking for all her life.
The past and the present and the future couldn't shackle Roxas or Lea or Tidus or anyone else, any longer.
They never would once again.
She'd finally let it all go.
"Silly Lea," Xion said brightly and whimsically and soothingly and reassuringly, "This is the answer that I've been searching for.
"This is my purpose and my reason for being alive, and what I was born for and created for, and the proof that I exist and that I'm real, and how Roxas and you and Tidus and the others and everyone else, and I myself, need to define me and remember me.
"This is why I'm here in the World.
"Mirror, mirror, on the wall…" she chanted to no one, whimsically and brightly and excitedly and eagerly and blissfully and euphorically, and she stopped to giggle, "Define me… Show me who I am.
"I am the unending replica… I am not an antithesis of others and existence… I am not a weapon and a puppet… I am the perfect helix!"
Xion continued moving her mouth, but for a reason that she didn't understand, the next words refused to form.
She closed her mouth, opened it once more, and tried again.
"This is what I want.
"This isn't oblivion. This is a release.
"I've at last let it go.
"Look at me, Lea.
"I'm free."
"Like heck you are!" Lea snarled. "And like heck am I going to remember you this way!
"Nor does it matter how far you run! I'm still going to follow you beyond the precipice of infinity and eternity and be there to bring you back!"
Xion giggled. "Because you promised, right?"
She smiled, and she was surprised to find that there was sadness in it.
Why was she sad at all?
She had nothing to be sad about.
She'd never hurt Roxas or Lea or Tidus or Namine or Ven or Sora or Kairi again, so why was she sad?
"You need to stop living in your boy's daydreams of friendship and remembrance and stop rejecting the World, Lea," Xion responded. "You're not the child Lea of Radiant Garden aspiring to a huge future now. You're the adult Lea of Twilight Town, and you know how cruel and hard the World can be. Reality isn't as simple and clean as you used to believe.
"I can't be like you. I wasn't a person before I joined both Organization Thirteens. I was a puppet and a weapon from the beginning.
"How did it go in that poem from William Wordsworth Longfellow from one of the Earths that you told me about?
"'A boy's will is the wind's will, and the thoughts of youth are long long thoughts.'
"That was it, wasn't it?"
Xion smiled at Lea affectionately but reprovingly and chidingly and shook her head.
"It can't work that way for me. You could run like the wind and laugh under cerulean skies.
"You could think long thoughts, and dream big dreams, and try to sneak into Ansem the Wise's castle with Isa to make a big name for him and for yourself, and leave your mark on the World for people to know you and Isa, and remember you and Isa, by.
"I couldn't, and I'll never be able to.
"By believing that I can, you're just denying how ruthless reality is, you're rejecting other hearts as well. Don't run away yourself, from the truth of this World. You need to wake up from your dreams and accept this World for what it is.
"Promises can't give us direction. They're as much chains as the past, the present, and the future, because they compel us to stay connected to others. In order to be free, you need to sever yourself from all irons. That's the only way that you can escape the past, the present, and the future.
"I'm an existing and living testament to the proof of this."
"You're wrong," Meg spoke up, surprisingly, from where she was now standing by Hercules' side.
"I tried to live for a similar purpose, and look where it got me.
"I promised my heart to worship Hades and his feelings to keep my promises to Paris, and he betrayed me and abandoned me, so I spent years of my life afterwards striving to free myself from Hades and everyone else around me so that I wouldn't be hurt again. Then I refused to tie myself to Hercules and Phil and promise myself to Hercules and Phil because I believed that keeping myself away from the pain of the past and the present, and from the possible pain of the future, was the sole way that I could stay free from suffering.
"But what I sought wasn't freedom.
"I was just looking for an escape from my pain. That wasn't what I really wanted.
"Lea's right. Leaving others behind, through sacrifice or not, is running away.
"But it's not just running away from them.
"You're not accepting the truth of the World, you're rejecting the World, and running away from the World, too. You're refusing to face its craziness and hardships and look for a better solution."
Uncertainty flickered through Xion, but she pushed it away.
She couldn't take the risk of looking for a better solution.
She'd tried a different solution once, and had just made things a lot worse.
But Meg wasn't done. "And this isn't what you truly want.
"You're rejecting, and running away from, yourself, as well.
"As ruthless and crazy as reality is, what you're really feeling like is doing something even crazier yourself, because you love Roxas and Lea and Tidus and the others, and the rest of the World.
"I did that for Paris, and I was willing to do that for Hercules, and for Phil.
"But I understand now, from what Hercules said about sacrifice and betraying yourself as well as the people around you. The pain of what I did to Hercules, and Phil, and Zack, and Hades by not realizing how much he was hurting when I first began worshipping him and taking that pain away from him and the two people he was doing crazy things for, and the rest of the deities and people of Olympus, and elsewhere, isn't going to go away for a long time.
"But I've come to terms with it."
Xion started.
"Because I need to move forward, or I'll keep hurting Hercules and Phil, and Zack, and Hades, who, if Hercules and Phil are okay with it, I'm going to return to worshipping as a true High Priestess of his, to attempt to do what I was too caught up in my own hurt to do before, and teach him and Persephone and Cerberus how to connect with people, and reconnect with the other deities, including Hercules."
Hercules gave Meg an approving smile, showing her that he was behind her all the way, and though Phil's face was a mask from hearing what Meg wanted to do, after a few seconds he nodded stiffly.
Meg inclined her head in thanks.
"But also because running away from others isn't what I want.
"I don't want to distance from others and run away into a crazy World.
"That's no solution, and I'll just keep hurting if I do that.
"I want to stay with others, and for them to stay with me, and crazy love."
From the edges of her perception, agony rose through Xion, but she pushed it down.
Meg was correct, but it made no difference.
"What does that matter?" Xion countered, but she couldn't justify, to herself or anyone else, talking happily now. "I'm not Hercules or Tidus. Betrayal or not, regret or not, if I don't run away, Roxas and Namine and Ven and Sora and Kairi and Young Vanitas will suffer and die frail and in pain.
"I can't afford to risk what happiness they can still attain on a fool's hope that there's a better way."
"They're not dead yet, are they?" Meg challenged.
"And you don't fully understand what they need you to be there for them through. Even after what Zack almost did, even though you lived the stories that I've learned about the three of you over the last more than a year, you don't understand what Roxas and Lea and Isa and the other Nobodies, and you yourself, were truly put through."
Lea scowled and turned to Meg. "What are you talking about?" he queried.
"You're not going to be pleased to know this," Meg said. "Are you sure that you want to hear me out?"
"Regardless of what Xion just said, I don't run away from the truth, of the World or others or myself," Lea responded. "Can you please talk?"
Meg took a deep breath and pressed her lips together to gather herself.
"After everything I went through worshipping Hades, and for Paris, and for Hercules, and for Phil, and seeing it all almost fall apart just now," Meg answered, "I can tell that you and Xion and Roxas and Isa, and the other Nobodies of the two Organization Thirteens; with the exception of Xemnas himself, Xigbar, or Luxu, as Ven told me earlier his real name is, Roxas, and Xion, weren't puppet weapons. Not for putting together two artificial Kingdom Hearts, and not for opening the true Kingdom Hearts.
"From what Ven and Terra and Aqua said, Xemnas and Roxas and Xion were puppets, of him and the Foretellers and Yozora, but the rest of you, maybe even Namine, didn't even belong in Luxu's, and thus Xehanort's and Xemnas', script. You didn't even go through all the death and hardship that you yourselves went through, or brought it to so many others, for about eleven years, and live and exist for the purpose of forging two artificial Kingdom Hearts, or opening up the real Kingdom Hearts.
"All of what you and the other Nobodies went through, save for Xemnas and Roxas and, in a sense, though she's not a Nobody, Xion, was for nothing, and entirely pointless and got you and the other Nobodies nowhere and brought you and the others, and the other people of the realm of light, nothing.
"You were just bystanders in Yozora's and Luxu's amphitheater who had no role in their play, extras to provide a backdrop for Xion driving Roxas to kill her so that the two of them, and Xemnas, could prepare Kairi and Sora to act out their parts."
All existence and reality save for Lea, and all of Xion's own existence and reality, disappeared completely.
Every single solitary horrific thing, and most of the things, that Roxas, and Lea, and Isa, and Namine, and the other Nobodies who she'd known for so long, had been tortured and tormented by and suffered through and hurt through; and forced others to die en masse or individually, or lose their hearts en masse or individually, or fall into despair en masse or individually, or cry because of en masse or individually
All the around eleven years of hardship, the anguish of abandoning and betraying and hurting and failing and losing the people who they loved even though they didn't know that they'd had hearts, the sacrifices, the blood, those who had become embroiled in the nightmare, the witnesses, the sweat, the tears
Roxas' lack of memories of his life as Sora and all the pain and despair that he'd gone through as the result of not just not knowing what a heart was, but what connections and life themselves were
The growing rift between Lea and Isa over the years as Lea lost faith in being remembered and dreaming of a remarkable life and retreated unknown into the shadows to erase life from concealment, while Isa's devotion and loyalty to the girl who they'd once known had been distorted and twisted into devotion to greater power for himself and loyalty to causing people to lose faith in each other and in themselves
Namine's loneliness and longing and despair and captivity that had led her to hate herself and regret having been brought into the World due to her guilt at what her loneliness and despair and captivity had driven her to do
The distortion of Riku Replica's aspiration to an identity of his own and a life on his own strong legs as himself where he could cherish others and be cherished by them into a jealousy of bonds and the ability of others to walk on their feet
The twisting of Ansem the Wise's love and regard for his people and the mysteries of people's hearts into hatred and revenge and the blindly arrogant certainty that Nobodies possessed no hearts whatsoever
Xemnas' alteration from a lonely Nobody who wanted to learn what the connections Terra-Xehanort didn't remember much of were, so that he could experience the warmth of bonds and the heart, into an unfeeling puppeteer who refused to let any emotion at all affect him, much less rule him, and who strove to rule the emotions of his friends and other people
Dilan and Aeleus' alteration from loyal and devoted guards of Radiant Garden's castle into treacherous associates who punched Roxas in the stomach, and guilt tripped Beast into believing that no one, not even Belle, cared about him, and everyone hated him
Even's and Ienzo's change from warm and compassionate doctors who had learned their craft to heal people's wounds and sicknesses and protect them from further injury and illness, into unfeeling, clinically distant scientists who saw their clients as not people in need of care and support, but specimens in need of experimentation and analysis
Yemd's transformation from a dedicated and hard-working musician who gave all of his love for the joy of being alive into composing, writing, and performing music to raise people's spirits, into a lazy and lackadaisical couch potato who hated effort and dampened the spirits of the people around him by not taking them, life, or himself seriously
Luxord's inability to become the carefree person that he should have been, who adored the spirit and fun of adventure and traveling like the breeze, like Ven was, that had rather turned him into a selfish brinksperson who saw people and life as nothing but sport to revel in
Lauriam's and Elrena's change from fervently devoted people who lived for their promises to each other and the other people who they loved, as well as the people of the World and the World itself, into selfish traitors who cared for nothing but one another and asserting and achieving their own dreams and who had no regard for anyone or anything else's hurt and pain but their own
Leaving Xehanort's Heartless out of the first Organization Thirteen to destroy his willingness to live as a caring person who valued friendship and light so that he would embrace hate and severance and darkness and fulfill Xehanort's role of preparing Young Xehanort and the present Xehanort for what they needed to do; to further maneuver Maleficent to gather the previous Seven Hearts; and to enact the first stages of the contingency Organization Thirteen's plan to turn Riku into their thirteenth seeker of darkness
The genocidal and massive and singular continual deaths and torments and murders and tortures of innumerable centillions upon centillions of people, ethereal or natural or unnatural or data, and hearts and stars and cities and towns and space stations and palaces and spaceships and whole planets and worlds
Most of what she herself had been tortured by and despaired from for so long
had all had no point to it at all, not even for Roxas and Lea and Isa and she herself to be born to be, and live as, puppet weapons for completing two artificial Kingdom Hearts and opening the true Kingdom Hearts, and had just been entirely worthless and entirely in vain and entirely meaningless and entirely pointless torment and suffering and despair and pain that had been intended to accomplish nothing, lead to nothing, create nothing, and bring about nothing from the very beginning?
Existence and reality returned, as did Xion's existence and reality, and Xion dismissed the Kingdom Key in spiraling energies, sprinted up to Lea, threw her arms around him, and pulled him as close and safe and warm and protected and reassuring and tightly as she could even though she was still too short for him to rest his head on her shoulder and cry on it.
She could feel his tears falling into her hair as he sagged with relief and anguish and exhaustion and sorrow against her, though, but she tried with all her heart to stop her own tears from falling further.
Forget running past the end of the World.
No matter how much pain that she'd cause, and how much death that she'd risk, by staying here, she couldn't afford to do that.
Xion didn't look at Meg, but she spoke to her.
"Thank you for your honesty," she told Meg.
"You know what you're talking about. I won't go away this time, or run away this time, and I'll search for a better solution to keeping Roxas and Namine and Ven and Sora and Kairi and Young Vanitas safe.
"Roxas and Lea and Isa and Namine, and Tidus and Ven and Sora and Kairi, and all the others, need me too much for that, and I don't want to lose them myself any more than they want to lose me.
"But I still don't know what the best answer for everyone, and me, that I'm here for, is."
Tidus was smiling in relief now, though, although there was pain and empathy and sympathy and understanding in his eyes, and on his face, and in his posture.
"Then let's go for the win," Tidus spoke, "And be winners, and look for, and discover what that answer is, together."
Xion forced herself to smile back, and she said the only thing that she could think of to say.
"I promise Roxas, Lea, and you to do so, with all my heart."
.
"You're the one who doesn't understand, Rubedo. Have you forgotten our duty? Our mission is to destroy U-DO. It doesn't matter what happens to the universe as long as we accomplish that."-Citrine Yuriev
"So Dad plans to use the power of the Emulators and the Original to destroy U-DO?!"-Rubedo 'Gaignun Kukai, Junior' Yuriev
"A failure who's forgotten his role as a weapon and abandoned his duty has no right to speak to me!"-Citrine Yuriev
"Citrine, stop! I don't want to lose any more of my comrades!"-Rubedo 'Gaignun Kukai, Junior' Yuriev
"Comrades? You abandoned us! You're no comrade to us!"-Citrine Yuriev
"Citrine…"-Rubedo 'Gaignun Kukai, Junior' Yuriev
"I forgot to mention, but I have one more duty. I have the power to destroy the Red Dragon, just like Nigredo. Do you think you can defeat me?"-Citrine Yuriev
"I refuse! I refuse to accept this!"-Citrine Yuriev, In Boss Battle Comment
"Why were we born? For what reason do we exist? Answer me, Rubedo. You betrayed your comrades, you killed your brother. Why are you still alive?"-Citrine Yuriev
"To keep my promise."-Rubedo 'Gaignun Kukai, Junior' Yuriev
"Your promise?"-Citrine Yuriev
"Yes. The reason I exist is to keep the promise I made."-Rubedo 'Gaignun Kukai, Junior' Yuriev
"You're still haunted by that woman's shadow. I pity you."-Citrine Yuriev
"Citrine…"-Rubedo 'Gaignun Kukai, Junior' Yuriev
"What could that alarm be?"-Jan 'Ziggurat "Ziggy" Eight' Sauer
"That b-stard! He activated the Emulators!"-Rubedo 'Gaignun Kukai, Junior' Yuriev
"So, they disposed of Citrine. What is it? Oh, I see. You're sad. You had a connection to that unit. But that's nothing more than an illusion. You are weapons. You see, you're nothing more than one of my parts. You don't need any meaningless emotions. Anything more is completely unnecessary. Behold this glorious picture! My revenge will begin. My time of victory against his terror has finally come!"-Doctor Dmitri Yuriev
"You filthy b-stard! Stop the Emulators, now!"-Rubedo 'Gaignun Kukai, Junior' Yuriev
"Is that you, Rubedo? It's been a long time, hasn't it? I must say, I've missed you."-Doctor Dmitri Yuriev
"Listen! We both know what'll happen if you even think about touching those! Give back Gaignun's body and get the h-ll out of here!"-Rubedo 'Gaignun Kukai, Junior' Yuriev
"Oh, I am so disappointed in you, Rubedo. This circumstance is your fault, entirely. There's no one else to blame but yourself and I'm afraid… I've been forced to take matters into my own hands, since those incomplete units failed their mission fifteen years ago."-Doctor Dmitri Yuriev
"My fault? Oh, yeah? Are you… planning on using the Emulators, and Omega, to destroy U-DO?"-Rubedo 'Gaignun Kukai, Junior' Yuriev
"No, no, it isn't that sort of thing. Nothing can ever destroy U-DO. I guess you really don't understand the reasons why I am here."-Doctor Dmitri Yuriev
"All right then, fine! Why are you here?"-Rubedo 'Gaignun Kukai, Junior' Yuriev
XENOSAGA: Episode 3:
ALSO SPRACH ZARATHUSTRA