Notes: Early update this week! We have company coming into town so I thought I'd update today rather than risk not updating tomorrow. :D

11.

Gold had never really celebrated Christmas. There had never been a reason to. The pawnbroker had no family to speak of, no friends, and while he did shut the shop down for the day every year, he could usually be found following a tradition that he now knew dated back about seventeen years: curling up on the couch in front of the fireplace with a good book.

Because of this, he had never bothered with a Christmas tree or ornaments or anything of the sort. Emma, apparently, was of the opinion that that was unacceptable and immediately had set herself up with the task of turning Rumplestiltskin's home into a Christmas wonderland. He had agreed to it - he would agree to anything that made Bae as happy as watching the girl he loved go crazy with it all seemed to - but he was certainly happy that Gold had quite a bit saved back in the bank. The girl knew how to put a dent in it.

"She's never celebrated Christmas before," Bae explained as Rumplestiltskin eyed the greenery that wrapped all the way up his front staircase suspiciously. "She said she always wanted to, but the only home she was ever in that would have been the place to do it didn't work out well."

"I don't think they could have afforded it," Rumplestiltskin chuckled and waved his son's worried look off. "It's fine. Money is the one thing we don't have to worry about here. I made sure of that."

"You really don't mind?"

Dark eyes flickered over to meet a pair of the same shade. "Are you happy, Bae?"

"Yes."

"Then I don't mind. It'll be...interesting."

"I probably should warn you that Emma wants to cook. That's a really bad idea."

That pulled a chuckle from his father. "Well, being a bachelor for years on end does have its perks. I'm quite adept at cooking."

"Yeah, but you'll have to feed more than just one," Bae teased and his papa rolled his eyes good-naturedly.

"I think I can handle three people, Baelfire."

The smile straightened out a bit and his son looked a little nervous, like he was about to make a request he knew Rumplestiltskin wouldn't like. "How about four?"

"And who is the mystery fourth person?"

"Emma wants to invite Regina."

Rumplestiltskin blinked. "Why on earth would she want to do that?"

Bae shrugged. "She thinks she's lonely or something. I don't know. Emma has a soft spot for people that don't have a family."

The shop owner hummed to himself as he looked over his decorated house. She was something, Snow White and Prince Charming's little girl. "Be careful, Bae," he warned lowly. "Regina won't be watching for her this early, but she's clever. No reason to make her look twice."

"I know, but Emma likes her. There's no stopping her when she's decided someone is worth trusting. No rhyme or reason to it from what I can tell, either."

The last was accompanied by a find smile and Rumplestiltskin found himself echoing it. "Alright. I take it she's already been invited?"

"Yeah."

He chuckled again, shaking his head. "Well, if you and Emma get things ready here, I'll go get the food."

"Papa..."

It had been two days since the attack at his shop, and he knew that was worry in his son's voice. He meant to tell him he'd be just fine, but instead he found himself saying, "I'd be happy with some company if Emma has things under control here and you don't mind stopping by another errand with me."

Bae grinned at him and Rumplestiltskin thought he might be dreaming. He certainly hadn't expected this, but that was okay. He was just fine with things going differently than expected as long as Bae was with him.

"So what errand do you need to run?"

Rumplestiltskin glanced past his son to where Emma was still putting the last touches on the tree. "Get your coat and I'll tell you on the way."

The younger man did as instructed and five minutes later they were in the cadillac and driving towards the center of town. He waited patiently enough, but Rumplestiltskin kept his silence until they were nearly there before he began to explain. He wasn't sure how much his son really wanted to know. "I've had a gentleman that works for me doing some digging," he said slowly, trying to gage the reaction. "I know where Emma's mother is in town, but I've yet to find her father."

Bae perked at this. "Do you think he wasn't pulled through?"

"He would have been. Of that I have no question. Gold kept absurdly good records in the shop, and that's what I was doing yesterday. I think I've found the name that belongs to him, but I've yet to find him where he should be."

"You don't think... Do people die here? With time being frozen and everything?"

"Not unless Regina specifically went after him, and she would have wanted him to live like his wife: in misery. No, he wouldn't have died here."

"What about before the curse? Wouldn't you have known?"

"I was rather... preoccupied," Rumplestiltskin said carefully. "No, I might not have known."

"But that's what you're worried about, isn't it?"

"I'd like to check the records at the hospital to make sure."

His son nodded wordlessly and Rumplestiltskin felt a tug of worry. "Bae, I will do my best to-"

"I know, Papa. It's not your fault."

That was debatable, but he didn't say as much. Instead he simply pulled up to the hospital and asked Bae if he preferred to stay or not.

"I should. I'm going to feel like I'm keeping things from her," he answered softly, though he looked like he wanted to go in.

His papa shrugged. "You also promised to take it slow and give her time to reason her way through all of this."

"True," Bae answered, and that was the only encouragement he needed to pile out after him.

It was interesting watching his father in this world. He was more comfortable than Neal might have thought he would be without magic. This curse he'd written had left him once again with a bad limp and likely a scar to go with it, but it had also put him in a place of power. Mr Gold seemed to have no problem bending people to his will and he did so with a grace and ease that the Dark One Baelfire had known never would have accomplished. The strange mix he'd seen when he first came across him in Storybrooke remained and held Neal's fascination.

The hospital was sparsely staffed for the holiday and Neal watched Rumplestiltskin speaking with the nurse at the front desk. He turned, feeling a bit more like a child tailing his father than he would have liked, and stuffed his hands in his coat pocket. It was a nicer jacket than he'd ever owned before and had been waiting for him on the cost wrack the day before. He'd tried to argue it, but his papa had shrugged and told him a Merry Christmas and that had been that. At least he was pretty sure that the deals his papa made in this world were a little less severe than the ones he made back home. He hoped so anyway.

A nurse slipped out of a door locked by a keypad and a terrible screech echoed up from the hallway beyond it before she could get it closed. She didn't seem at all phased and Neal glanced back to his father who was still looking over papers with another nurse.

"Are you looking for Dr Whale? I think he's already left for the evening," a rather sweet voice asked and he turned. He was met by a pair of green eyes and a kind smile. He recognized her from his stay in the hospital, and the look she was giving him said she likely remembered him as well.

"Actually, we were checking to see if someone might be in the hospital. Papa? What was the guy's name again?"

"Nolan," his father answered and turned, his lips twitching forward at the sight of the volunteer. "Miss Blanchard."

"I'm afraid that I don't know a Mr Nolan here." She turned her gaze on Rumplestiltskin and her expression was bright. "Mr Gold, you didn't say that he was your son!" Her smile said she already knew though. Neal had grown up in a small village, and much like a small town, news didn't take long to seep into every crevice.

"There are many things I don't say, Miss Blanchard. Likely because I am all too aware how quickly rumours spread through this town."

His cool tone had little effect on the chipper woman. Instead, she simply turned back to Neal and continued to beam. "It's so good that you could come in to see your father at Christmas."

Neal let a small smile touch his own lips even as his papa finished and motioned for him to follow. "About time, yeah," he said as he followed, leaving her behind. He waited a few steps before he leaned in. "Time isn't moving, so Emma's mom would still be pretty young, right?"

That brought a knowing smile that reached his father's eyes. He'd always been so proud each and every time his son proved to be clever. "She would indeed. How did you guess?"

"That it was her? They look a lot alike, but Emma does this really funny thing when she gets excited. She was doing it. It's this kind of bouncy look like they're so excited they might burst."

His papa snorted a laugh. "Yes, well, cursed or not Snow White has always been the excitable sort."

Neal shook his head. Emma was the daughter of Snow White. That might take a minute to get his mind around. "Did you find her dad?"

"There are no records of a David Nolan here, but there is a possible lead. We're about to find out."

They were approaching what looked like the coma ward and Neal wasn't sure why. He followed, though, and found his father looking over the sleeping faces. Finally, in a far room, his gaze paused when he found someone that he knew. His frown deepened and he stepped forward, dark eyes looking over the blond man who lay still as death. Neal cringed.

"It's really sad," Mary Margaret Blanchard said and Neal nearly jumped. His papa didn't even blink. "He's been a John Doe in here as long as anyone can remember. Do you know him, Mr Gold?"

"I'm afraid I don't, dear," Rumplestiltskin said in a soft tone. "Do you?"

"No," she said automatically, but there was a strange sort of loneliness in her eyes. "But sometimes I feel like I should. I suppose it's because he's been alone so long. I just wish I knew his story."

Rumplestiltskin made a small, noncommittal sound as he turned. "Come on, Bae," he said softly. "Best not to leave Emma to the kitchen from what you said."

It was meant to lighten the mood just a little and he did try for a smile, but Mary Margaret's tortured expression made it difficult, and Neal wondered just how many people had had to suffer for his papa to find him.

Regina had thought the Swan girl was leaving Storybrooke, so when she got the invite to Rumple's house of all places for a Christmas dinner she felt like she'd been tossed into some - rather strange and unnerving - alternate universe where nothing made any sense. Maybe she'd gone mad.

Neal answered the door when she knocked and he offered a half wave. "On the list of things you never thought you'd see?"

"Rumplestiltskin being domestic? Yes."

"He cooked," Neal said with a raised eyebrow and she couldn't tell if he was joking or not.

The mayor didn't bother to answer, but shoved a bottle of wine into her former mentor's son's hands. That had seemed like an appropriate present, even if she thought she might drink it all to get through this. She was trying to figure out what had possessed her to say yes.

"You showed!" Emma cheered as she came around the corner and Regina was more baffled than before. The young blonde offered her a grin. "I wanted to thank you for your advice the other day and this was really the only way I knew how."

Regina swiveled on Neal again. "She believed you?"

He shot her a smirk that was all his father's. "Worse. She loves me."

Emma hit him on the shoulder and grabbed the bottle of wine. Neal didn't stop grinning.

"I'm giving him time to prove whatever craziness he and his dad believe," Emma explained.

"What happened to fairytales not being real?" Regina asked carefully.

The blonde shrugged.

Neal snorted. "You can drop the act now, Regina." He leaned over to Emma and jabbed a finger in the Evil Queen's direction. "Ask her who she was back home."

To her credit, Emma didn't ask, but shot she a confused look and Regina leveled a glare at Neal that could have brought many of her subjects directly to their knees to beg for their lives. "You are so much like your father," she growled and stormed past him. "Rumple!"

She found the damn imp already chuckling at her from the kitchen. He stood as if he'd been expecting her, hands resting on his cane that was positioned directly in front of him. His lips were stretched wide and he quirked an eyebrow at her. "Don't forget to breathe, your majesty. Wouldn't want to have to call Dr Whale, would we?"

"I hate you."

"No you don't."

"It does neither of us any good if-"

"Who is the girl going to tell? Better yet, who is going to believe her? She doesn't believe it herself quite yet. Set that on the table, won't you, Emma?"

"So what, you're going to play the doting father now?"

Rumplestiltskin shrugged. "Why not? Have your petty revenge. I had bigger goals. We're both getting what we want and as soon as our pesky problem is dealt with we'll be able to enjoy them in safety."

She was fuming, but she had to admit he was right. She glanced back at the blonde that seemed to love Neal more than she distrusted him and her darkened, scarred heart clenched a little. Daniel. Daniel had loved her and he had trusted her. She knew what that sort of love looked like. Theirs was young and untested as of yet, but Regina could vaguely remember those days, and while she wanted to hate the teen for it, she almost felt sorry for her. Enough that she let out a huff of exasperation. "Not so easy to kill them in this world," she muttered.

"What?" Emma squeaked and Neal glossed over it with a nervous laugh.

"She's kidding. Right, Regina?"

The Evil Queen rolled her eyes. "Almost made an apple pie for you, Rumple, but I know how you won't eat them."

"Eating any fruit that comes from your tree, dear, is asking for trouble," he answered with his sly smile.

"Trouble like the kind that gives you a beating in the street?" Her voice was silky smooth, but she saw him flinch ever so slightly. She'd known, of course, but she hadn't heard quite how bad it had been. Thankfully it looked like he'd gotten away with only minor injuries, but it had been cut close from what Graham had told her. "Outside your own shop, nonetheless. You're getting sloppy, Rumple. I hope they didn't get anything important."

There was a flash in those dark eyes of his that were so very strange to look at. They held the same cleverness, but none of the madness. He chuckled rather than giggled and tilted his head as the smile returned and he hid behind his defences. "Everything turned out quite alright. Thank you for your concern, Madame Mayor."

Well, at least Magnus hadn't gotten the dagger. That would have been a mess, Land Without Magic or not. She had small items that still held magical properties and she wasn't sure if Rumple's dagger would have reacted as those had. It still could cut flesh rather nicely, and she'd much prefer him on her side rather than six feet under. He was useless to her dead.

"Are they getting any closer to finding the guys behind it?" Emma asked as she set a basket of rolls on the table. Well wasn't that quaint?

"We're getting there," Regina assured her after a moment. "It's a bit… tricky."

The blonde popped a piece of a roll in her mouth and asked around it with all sarcasm: "What? Does this have to do with the curse?"

"Partially," Rumple answered with surprising honesty. "Old enemies taking advantage."

"If I remember right," Emma said and looked back to Neal as if she were waiting for him to correct her, "your dad is a really powerful sorcerer, right?" She hardly sounded like she believed the words tumbling from her mouth, but she did seem to at least be trying to say it without laughing.

Neal nodded. "Yeah."

"So why can't you just blast him with some magic or something?"

"There's no magic here," Rumple answered sensibly.

"Convenient. How can a curse survive if there's no magic?"

"It uses its own, not any magic found here." The Dark One shrugged and opened the oven. "Every world is a little different. Bae came to this one because it had little to no magic in it. I followed knowing it would be the case. Everything has a price."

"I've heard you call him that a couple of times. Is it a nickname?" She turned a playful look on her boyfriend. "Or have you been giving me a false name all along?"

He looked a little sheepish. "Baelfire isn't exactly a popular name here."

She wrinkled her nose. "Yeah, sounds like something out of Buffy or something." She rolled her eyes. "I know, I know. You've never seen it."

Neal grinned and kissed the side of her head.

Regina watched the oddity that was, apparently, Rumplestiltskin's family. Between a son that she hadn't known that he had and the girl that Neal had brought home like he was fool enough to believe that they could play at a normal family Christmas - as if three fourths of the room wasn't from another world entirely - things were bound to get crazier as time marched on. She'd seen the way Rumple reacted to his boy, and none of them could afford the Dark One going soft for any reason until Magnus was dealt with. Even so, she felt a small spark of jealousy work its way through her as father and son spoke over the dinner they all sat down to.

"Do you have any family, Regina?" Emma asked, not pulling her out of her bitter thoughts as much as she would have liked.

"My father passed just before we came here," she said vaguely, receiving strangely merciful silence from Rumple as hid his expression behind the tilted wine glass.

Emma made a face. "I'm sorry. Your mom not in the picture?"

"I was always much closer to my father," Regina admitted softly. So close that it had been his heart that she was required to use to cast the curse, but that wasn't something she bragged about. Granted, she never talked about her family at all, but Emma's questions didn't seem to hold any ulterior motive beyond curiosity. It had been a very long time since anyone had cared to ask.

"I always imagined I would have been kind of a daddy's girl too. If I'd known him, anyway," Emma said with a practiced shrug. "What was his name?"

"Henry."

"I like that name." Hazel eyes watched her and their owner smiled. It wasn't the smile of a teenage girl, but one of someone that understood loneliness on a very personal level. Someone that wanted a family badly enough that she might be willing to try to believe anything at this point. Regina should have hated her, but as the girl wished her a Merry Christmas and told her how glad she was that she'd come, Regina couldn't quite bring herself to.

He never would have predicted it going well, but Bae looked so happy that his papa couldn't be cross about the company. Emma, somehow, had managed to lighten even Regina's mood and it almost looked like the Evil Queen was warming to the young savior. Not that she knew who she was. When she found out, that would certainly be the end of any alliance that had been formed, and Rumplestiltskin knew it. Thankfully that would be a good ten years or so down the road and long after they'd finished with the whole Magnus mess. He had plenty of time to plan.

Dinner was finished and the dishes were in the sink by the time that Emma grabbed Bae and hauled him out into the freshly falling snow. Rumplestiltskin found himself smiling at the absurdity of it all and thinking, not for the first time in his long years, how funny fate could be.

"This is quaint, Rumple," Regina said from his side. He thought she might have been going for an insult, but her tone didn't quite reach it.

"Did you think that I was born the Dark One?" he asked, quirking an eyebrow.

That seemed to catch his former student off her guard. Perhaps she had. He wasn't certain how long the average Dark One managed to survive, but he worked under the impression from what he'd found that his three hundred years were somewhat rare. Granted, owning his own dagger was also rare, and that made all the difference in the worlds. Regina, like so many others, had never known of a different Dark One. The stories told to children of the Dark One in their day had all had Rumplestiltskin attached to them.

"He's from before then?"

"Yes," he answered immediately, but shot her a look that indicated that was all she would get on the subject. Thankfully she took it and turned her gaze out the window where Bae and Emma were pelting each other with snowballs.

Bae must have seen them looking because he tossed a snowball directly at the window and grinned as if daring his papa to come join. Rumplestiltskin chuckled and dried his hands off on a dish towel, grabbing his cane and limping towards the back door.

"He has you wrapped around his finger, doesn't he?" his former student asked quietly.

"Someday, Regina, you may have a child and you'll understand that there's nothing that you wouldn't do for them. No matter how trivial."

He opened the door only to close it immediately, the snow caked across the glass rather than his face. Regina barked out a laugh. "Except take a snowball to the face?"

"Well, a parent must know where to draw the line," he answered with a smile. He peeked back through the glass and Bae held his hands up to prove that he wasn't hiding one, but it wasn't until Emma too proved it that he opened the door up again. "I don't move as fast as you," he reminded his son who only grinned. He knew, and likely would take full advantage of the fact.

"Still not on the bandwagon yet," Emma warned, "but do you guys have Christmas in this place that you all seem to be from?"

Bae laughed and pulled her into a hug that she all but melted into. "Papa and I really didn't celebrate it much where we were, but I think there's a snow holiday in certain parts."

"It was everywhere," Regina answered a funny sort of tone, like she didn't know what Bae was referring to. She'd grown up in nobility and married a king. Regina may have had struggled during her life, but never like Rumplestiltskin and Bae had when Baelfire had been young. There had been one holiday that the poor spinner had managed to scrape together enough to get his son something, but it had taken all of his wiles to hide the coins from Milah so that she didn't drink them before he was able to purchase it. There had been a few gifts over the years, but only one that would have been something Emma would have understood as a Christmas gift.

"There was one year that the castle was decked out," Regina pointed out and Rumplestiltskin cringed.

"That wasn't my doing." It had been Belle's, and in a time when he wanted nothing more than to enjoy time with his son, thinking of the woman he could have - and did, if he were honest with himself - loved would only bring his failures into focus. He hadn't been able to save her. In a moment of fear he'd pushed her away and had inadvertently brought about her death.

"Was it that pretty little maid of yours that was there?" Regina asked as if she were thinking out loud.

"Yes," he bit out the response and his tone left no invitation to further the conversation.

Emma, apparently, was not so adept to reading tones. "Who was she? We could have invited her too if she's your friend."

"She's dead."

Bae cringed and took a step forward, his tone soft and careful. "Who was she, Papa?"

Rumplestiltskin turned, trying to take some of the bite out of his response for his son's sake and not quite managing it. "Knowing won't bring her back. Drop it." He limped back inside without another word and up the stairs. He'd managed to avoid lingering on her memory since he'd come back to himself, but now it threatened to overwhelm him. He didn't dare let anyone see him as he sank to the floor of his room. Anger people could see. A willingness to do whatever it took to protect what he cared about was often a good reminder to his enemies that they stood no chance against him. This, though - the utter despair that came with failure that could never be reversed - shouldn't be seen by anyone. That was his weakness. He would bear the burden of her death alone.

Regina left shortly after and Neal waited until Emma was safely in the shower to risk knocking of his papa's bedroom door. He'd just shut down. There hadn't been any attempt to change the subject or bury it under something else, but instead he'd turned and walked away. It worried his son, so after a moment of hesitation he knocked again as he pushed the door open.

Rumplestiltskin looked up from where he was sitting on an old fashioned love seat against the big, bay windows at the far end of the room. His cane was leaned up against it and he had a book in his lap, though he was not so engrossed that he didn't look up. His expression was carefully masked and his son inched forward.

He felt like he was teetering between Neal and Bae from moment to moment, but right then he felt more like Baelfire. His papa used to retreat into himself like this when he'd been young. The memories were vague, but if he tried he could recall them. Mom would drink and come home reeking of it only to scream and yell and wake him up in time to hear all the nasty things she had to say. Bae couldn't remember once where his papa had fought back, but instead just cringed away, the words slicing through easier than a knife would have. He had seen the way his eyes dulled a little more each time, even if he hadn't understood it then. He'd continued to watch his father handle things he didn't want to face in the same manner until the day he'd set fire to the duke's castle and had taken on the curse. It hurt to see him look so withered now, and Bae wondered who this nameless woman could be that caused such an extreme reaction.

"Hey," his papa greeted roughly.

"Hey. Regina let herself out and Emma's winding down from, and I quote, the best Christmas Eve ever."

A small smile tilted Rumplestiltskin's lips. "Good to know I didn't mess that up."

"'Course not," Bae said softly and motioned to the empty space next to him. His papa nodded and put the book away as the younger man took the seat. "You want to talk about it?"

"Not really, no," he answered softly. "I just... She was someone that I cared for and I made a mistake. Imagine that." His dark eyes were focused on the book on his lap and his grip tightened around it. "It cost her her life."

"I'm sorry, Papa," Bae whispered. He wanted to assure him, to tell him it wasn't his fault, but he knew better. The curse he'd taken on had made him do terrible things, and it was very possible that if he'd begun to care for someone that it had managed to get in the middle of it. So he did the best he could and reached tentatively for his father's hand.

Rumplestiltskin took it and squeezed his fingers. "Thank you, Bae."

"I'm not going anywhere, Papa," he promised softly. "No matter what. I know... I know we're never going to be like we were when I was little, but we can be close again."

That pulled a small smile from his papa and he lifted Bae's knuckles to his lips and pressed a kiss to them. "I love you, son. Always have. Always will. No matter what."

"Me too, Papa. No matter how pissed you make me sometimes."

Rumplestiltskin chuckled at that, but the sound of the doorbell downstairs interrupted the heartfelt conversation. "What did Regina forget?" he groused and stood.

Bae helped steady him and followed him down the stairs. It was dark outside and he's switched the porch light off when Regina had left, so they couldn't see the person on the steps well. Whoever it was was antsy, ringing it again even as Rumplestiltskin shouted shortly through the door. He looked ready to take someone's head off as he flung it open, but stopped, surprise written clearly across his features. "Jefferson?"

"Oh good," the man on the porch that was now brushing past him and into the house said. "You remember me. With all the little movements I thought you might. That makes this much easier." He turned to Bae and offered a quick nod of greeting before immediately turning back to a still-startled Rumplestiltskin. "I want to make a deal with you."

"I'm not sure exactly-"

"Let me be more clear about this," the strange man cut him off. "Rumplestiltskin, I'd like to make a deal. I'll make it worth your time. You know I'll make good on that."

Bae's papa blinked and steadied himself. "You remember."

"I do. Grace doesn't."

"Tragic, but hardly a reason to barge into my home on Christmas Eve."

"I'm tired of waiting. I'd bet anything that you wrote this curse, so you can give her back to me. That bitch stole my little girl from me and she doesn't have a clue who I am."

"You want me to return Grace's memories?" Rumplestiltskin asked, his head half tilted to the side as he studied the strange man. "That's quite a tall order."

Bae tried to school his expression from his place. He'd already said it was impossible for him to return someone's memories, but he hadn't told this man - a man that so obviously knew who he was - that yet.

"You know I'll pay the price," the man that Bae's papa had called Jefferson said. "We've worked together long enough that you know that."

"I can't imagine what you would have that I could-"

"Belle. I can get you Belle."

TBC

Notes: Well, a bunch of you have been asking about Belle. Surely you didn't think I was going to go completely without mentioning her? :D

So, I had never heard of the Espenson Awards until just a few days ago. Apparently it's a collection of fics that people have nominated for this award and it takes 5 nominations for them to get added to a category. If nothing else, it's likely to be some fun reading. Monday 1/25 is the last day to nominate, so if you're on Tumblr and want to nominate any writers/stories, now is the time to do it! You can find it over at .com

Next time - Hoping against hope, Rumplestiltskin takes Jefferson up on his deal.