Tiger Lily lay lounging over a settle in her uncle's house, dangling a ribbon to Opal's cat. It was an elderly rug of a cat that usually spent its time glaring at Tiger Lily as though to ask her what she thought she was doing there. But at the moment it was in one of its rare moods where it had decided to be a kitten again for a while. It was half-heartedly trying to bat at the ribbon, like it knew this was something it was supposed to do, but couldn't remember why.

The room sung with music from the piano. The interconnected streams of the melody and harmonies were so delicate that if a single note fell out of place it would ruin the whole thing. But it didn't, because it was Opal playing. Opal never made mistakes.

"How do you play like that?" Tiger Lily said.

"Practice," was Opal's curt response.

"Do you and Buffo ever fight?"

"Of course." Opal paused her work to reach down and stroke the cat's head. "Why? Are you planning to use one of our disagreements to orchestrate an end to our betrothal?"

"Not at the moment, but I'll file your suggestion for later reference. When you do fight, how do you know if it's a forever argument or a temporary argument? How do you work out who's wrong and what you're supposed to do to make it better?"

"Have you and Sango fallen out?"

"No." On reflection she amended this to, "Not recently. And you and Buffo are different from me and Sango."

"I know, but you don't have a big circle so I'm limited in my choices of speculation." Opal rose from the piano stool and came to sit next to her. "Have you taken a fancy to someone else then?"

"Don't make fun of me."

"I'm not. It's fine if you have."

"Sango's been trying to pair me with one of his friends," Tiger Lily said, desiring to divert Opal away from the truest truth. "And now I've got all these complicated feelings I don't know what to do with."

"You haven't mentioned this."

"I didn't want to, it's embarrassing."

"Has he spoken to your mother?"

"We're not courting properly yet. I can't talk to my mother about this, she'll ask all sorts of questions and insist on meeting him and I can't allow that at the moment."

"Can you tell me about the argument?"

"We had a fight and he said he didn't want to see me but I don't know how long he meant. I don't know how to manage it, I've never done anything like this before."

"If you're not courting yet then cast him aside. You don't need to do anything, you've got no obligation to him."

"Mm." Tiger Lily cradled her chin in her hand. "I wish I could talk to my mother about this. She would have an aneurism if she thought I was talking to a lad, even a little. How can I know who I want to court unless I speak to them a little before he meets my mother?"

Opal sighed. "If you like him then have him talk to her."

"What if I can't connect with anyone else?"

"Don't be silly, you'll marry someone eventually."

Tiger Lily hadn't said that, but she was worried that disputing this would bring up a lot of awkward questions. "I wish I could talk to my father."

"You've not heard anything still?"

"No. He could be dead and I'd have no idea."

Opal paused, then turned and scooped Tiger Lily into a hug.

"I don't like this," Tiger Lily said into Opal's shoulder. "You're being kind to me. It's odd."

Opal gave her a light pat on the shoulder. "Hush!"

Tiger Lily sighed and surrendered to the hug. "It's not like I'd be able to talk about this with him either."

"It would make you feel better, which would make everything else easier."

"I should be able to just carry on as normal, as everyone else does."

"You overestimate other people," Opal said. She bent down to pick up the cat and pushed it into Tiger Lily's arms. "Hold him, it will make you feel better."

Tiger Lily doubted that. The cat stank and was already trying to climb off her lap, but she didn't say anything – it was kindly done. "Please don't tell my mother we had this conversation."

"I won't."

"Don't tell your father either."

"I won't!" Opal frowned at her, unusually melancholy. "Do be careful, though. Lads can be… difficult. Especially if you don't want them."

"Not our lads though."

"What?"

"Nothing. Just something Sango said once. I don't think this one will be difficult."

"Still, try to avoid being alone with him. Especially if you're worried about his reaction. I could chaperone you if you like."

"No thank you."

"You should really—"

"No. I'll manage him."

Opal threw up her hands in defeat. "Fine. But make sure my father doesn't find out or we'll have nothing but speeches about propriety for a month."

"Not one toe out of line from any of you," Tiger Lily said, lowering her voice to mimic her uncle.

"Stop," Opal said, trying to keep her voice low in spite of the giggling.

"The honour of every Took lies on your insufficiently wide shoulders," Tiger Lily said, grabbing Opal and wrapping her arms around her like an octopus. "The living world will end if you don't remain a paragon of maidenly virtue!"

They fell over each other laughing until Uncle Hortenbold entered and told them he had never tolerated girlish giggling and wasn't going to start at his time of life.

Opal didn't laugh often and there was pride in being able to make her do it. Tiger Lily kept the smile on even after she remembered that this was one of their last chances to be children before Opal was married. Tiger Lily would remain stuck in perpetual girlhood.

There was a watercolour of them on the wall, painted by their grandmother. Tiger Lily had wriggled and fidgeted until she was told that lasses who didn't sit still didn't get sweets afterwards. But there they were, looking pensive in straw hats and white summer dresses. Sat forever and unchanging in a cloud of pastel colours with no idea what their adulthood would bring them.

Dear Father,

I miss you. I don't think I've ever gone this long without hearing your voice. I hope you're alive.

As I cannot actually send this letter I will be making some redactions. My apologies.

I love R, I think. I don't know if he hates me now. I haven't tried to see him but I don't know if I should. He said he didn't want to see me but didn't say how long for. I don't know what I should do and I can't tell anyone what I'm really feeling. I think a letter is too flat a medium to express everything there is inside me. I told you before you left that I felt like I was tearing myself in pieces. That's not true anymore but I think that's because I'm already broken into bits. One version of me is with Mother and the rest of the family. I've given most of myself to S but there's still much he doesn't want to see. I am most myself with R. My self and my body, blended together, a bridge between the unreal world in my head and the physical one we live in.

I asked O if she and the other one ever fight, but I couldn't tell her the real reason. Then Uncle H came in and O said I needed cheering up and he said I needn't snivel.

I feel very much on my own. I wouldn't be able to speak to you candidly if you were here but I would have the comfort of your presence. I hope I see you again.

Regretfully, your daughter,

TL

There was a knock at the window. Tiger Lily scrambled off her bed and padded over. Already in her nightgown she pulled a shawl over her shoulders. She didn't know who she would meet on the other side. Drawing back the curtain she found Rob, her reflection appearing as a ghostly vision in front of his figure. Their faces combined into one on the dark glass. She opened the window to him and in the better light she could see he was contrite. His arms were folded across his chest, as though trying to protect himself.

He nodded to her. "Lil."

"Bordon."

He wrinkled his nose but said nothing about the use of his seldom-remembered full name. "Can I come in?" he said.

She stood to one side, holding the curtain for him. He stepped clumsily onto the window seat and stumbled past her into the room. She kept half an eye on him as she closed the window and curtains. He didn't sit down, keeping his hands deep in his pockets and looking around at the walls like he had never been in her chamber before. He kept his shoulders bent, as though trying to make himself as small as possible.

"I'm sor—"

"Sorr—"

They hesitated. It was strange to know him so well but to still have this film of awkwardness between them. It wasn't something Tiger Lily had with anyone else.

"I'm sorry I didn't defend you against Rico Boffin," she said. "But I didn't do nothing – I asked Sango to intervene, which he did. To your benefit, I think."

"I reacted too strongly." He sat on her bed with a creak and Tiger Lily had to hide her delight that he was at home enough to do that. "I've got a temper on me."

"I know."

He laughed grimly and leaned back on his elbows. "My gran would've had a proper go at me if she'd been there. I used to get into fights and that when I was younger. Got my nose broke more'n once. It's why it's crooked. Other lads thought it was funny that I din't speak much and I was tall for my age so they used to poke fun to try and get a reaction out of me. I'm not good with words. Better with my hands." He looked down at his hands and tensed and untensed his knuckles. "My grandma sat me down. She said, 'Rob, my lad, you're killing your mother and you're not doing yourself any good neither. So dust yourself off and stop acting like a tomfool.' She taught me how to not get so angry and how to put my temper into other places. If she'd seen me the other day she'd've been so upset with me."

Tiger Lily sat beside him. "You're not a fool."

"It was a fool thing to do. I keep going over it in my head, just going 'Why? Why would you do that, what good did you think it would do?'"

"You were trying to defend your family."

"They don't get helped by me putting my position in danger."

Tiger Lily hesitated. "When people call my father slow or mad I never say anything. I've always just let them do it and that doesn't help my family either."

He looked at her thoughtfully and twirled one of her curls around his finger. If only she knew what he was thinking.

"I din't frighten you, did I?"

"You've never frightened me. I mean… no more than anyone else does."

She ran her thumb over his knuckles and realised they were still scratched from where he had pummelled the tree. She bent down and brought his hand to her lips, glancing up at him to see his reaction. He smiled ruefully and ran his calloused thumb over her cheek. With the other hand he gripped hers, pressing her fingers with firm affection. "If I ever get like that again you walk away. Don't listen to aught I tell you, just do whatever you need."

"But I love you, I don't want to walk away from you," she said.

He raised his eyebrows. "Do you now?"

She realised she had never told him she loved him before and flushed. It was this conversation of all things that had brought it out of her. She tried to look composed and shook her hair out to hold her head high. "Could you not tell? I mean, I think I do. In love with you I mean," she said, shaking a little. "Was that the wrong thing to say?"

He pulled her into a hug and hid his face in her neck. "No. I'll say it back to you soon, mayhap."

She exhaled and stopped shaking, leaning into the comfort. "Not yet?"

"Soon."

"Will you stay with me tonight?" she whispered.

"I don't fancy any play."

"We can just sleep."

He mumbled indecisively before climbing into bed with her, Tiger Lily helping him out of his dusty over clothes.

Tiger Lily rested her head against his chest, placing her hand over where she thought his heart was. She focussed only on the dependable rising and falling of his chest. Solid as the earth. Nothing could truly hurt him. One of his hands started to stroke her hair, so gently that he might have been stroking a baby rabbit.

"Can you sing?" she said.

"Won't people hear me?"

"Bandobold's asleep and Mother's room is on the other send of the smial."

His hushed voice rose up from deep within him, soft and powerful as snow. It was an odd song, with a slow and melancholy tune.

His voice rose up from deep within him, soft and powerful as snow. It was an odd song, with a slow and melancholy tune.

When I was a bachelor, early and young

I kept a roaring trade

And all the harm I ever had done

Was courting a pretty maid

.

I courted her in the summer season

And part of the winter too

And many a night I walked with her

All over the foggy dew

.

One night as I lay on my bed

As I laid fast asleep

This fair maid came to my bed-side

And most bitterly she did weep

.

She wept, she moaned, she tore her hair

And cried, 'What shall I do?

This night I'm resolved to stay with you

For fear of the foggy dew.'

.

And in the fore part of the night

We did both sport and play

And all the latter part of the night

She slept in my arms till day

.

And when broad daylight did appear

She cried, 'I am undone!'

I said, 'Fair maid, be not afraid

For the foggy dew is gone.'

.

I love this young girl dearly

I loved her as my life

So I took this girl and married her

And made her my lawful wife

.

I never told her of her faults

Nor ever intend to do

But every time she smiles at me

I think of the foggy dew

He reached the end of the song and without knowing quite why Tiger Lily started softly crying into his chest.

"I thought you wanted me to sing," he said quietly.

"I did. I do. I'm sorry, I don't know why I'm crying," she said, sniffing.

"You shouldn't apologise for weeping."

"It's a happy song, I don't understand why the melody is so sad."

Rob shrugged. "I always find stories a bit sad. Even the happy ones are about people being happy in the past. It's been in my head a lot of late."

"Why?"

"Don't know. How things used to be, afore the Big Folk and the Shirriffs and you… it might as well be a story. I forget life like that was ever real."

"Why are so many people joining the Shrriffs?"

"How would I know that?"

"I noticed how many more there were the other day. I don't have many other people to ask – I don't know anyone else who works. I don't really know how jobs… happen."

"I sometimes forget you're not normal." He sighed. "It's not a bad job, I guess. It probably hurts your back less than working the fields. I heard it pays really well, and being a Shirriff gets you more respect'n being a labourer. Or it did afore Pimple took over."

"You sound like you're thinking of joining."

"Don't be stupid," he said. "Just 'cus it's a nice job to have that don't mean it's a good job or that I want it. Some of 'em just like being in charge. Pered Rose who used to tease me when we was little, he's a Shirriff now. Can't say I'm surprised." He stared silently at the ceiling.

"I'm sorry. I know you wouldn't join the Shirriffs. You're not like them."

"They're not all like Pered, most of 'em have joined 'cus life's gotten so difficult and they've not got a choice."

"They do have a choice."

"I'm not saying they've done the right thing but I don't think it's fair that you judge 'em for being in a situation you'll never have to be in."

"Don't get angry with me again."

"I'm not getting angry, I'm just saying."

"You sound like you're angry."

"I'm not angry, I'm annoyed; they're different."

Tiger Lily tucked her legs up, hugging her knees. "I didn't think courtship would be this complicated. I don't know how to manage any of this. I've been raised to be a wife but I don't know a thing about resolving disagreements."

"I don't think your parents raised you to be my lass," Rob said.

Tiger Lily lay next to him and stared at the ceiling. There was a spider watching them from the rafters in a net of dusty cobwebs. "We'll work it out, won't we?"

"Probably."

She turned her head to look at him, but he was still staring upwards. She wondered how many parings like them had worked it out properly, forever. She quickly withdrew that thought when she didn't like the answer. Forever felt like too long to be with one person, but the thought of these evenings ending hurt too much. Maybe the sun would never rise, this night would last forever and she would never have to make that decision. In a cloud of pastel colours.

A/N: The song in this chapter is a Frankensteining of three different versions of the trad English folk song 'The Foggy Dew' (Roud No. 558) published between 1790 and 1855. If you want to listen to a recording of the song, I recommend the cover by Ye Vagabonds so you can be lulled by Brían's dulcet tones. The verses are formatted weirdly because that's what FFN wanted of me.

Dear guest reviewer: Thank you for being so understanding! Sorry things are getting dramatic. This one was a bit of a respite hopefully.