Chapter 71: The Vacuum and the Maze

Tanya looked at the figure in surprise.

"Aren't you...?"

"I am Sephiroth," he replied. "SOLDIER, First Class."

This didn't seem right. I had heard that Sephiroth died on the Nibelheim mission. The same mission...

"I thought you were dead," Tanya blurted out. "I heard you were killed on that mission to Nibelheim."

"I was knocked into the Lifestream," Sephiroth began. "I was one of the few people who had the privilege of entering the Lifestream alive. And soon afterward, I emerged in Mideel. As I was struggling to stand up, I felt a blow to my head. I woke up in the cell behind me."

I looked at him skeptically. Something didn't sound right.

"How long ago did you go on that Nibelheim mission?" I asked.

"A week ago," he replied.

He had lost his sense of time. Somebody had to break it to him.

"Mr. Sephiroth," I began.

"Call me Sephiroth," he commanded.

"Do you know what year this is?" I asked.

"Of course I do," Sephiroth replied. "It's 0002."

Yeah, somebody had to break it to him.

So I shook my head.

"It's 0006," I informed him.

I instantly regretted it.

I knew Sephiroth was unpredictable, and I had it in the back of my head that he might lash out at me.

"There's no way I could have been in that cell for four years," he said calmly.

That was a relief.

Behind him stood a strange long line, but it didn't look like he could hibernate in it.

"The Lifestream, perhaps?" I suggested.

"It would make the most sense," Sephiroth agreed. "Especially since that spikey-haired son of a bitch sent me down there."

An alarm went off in my brain as soon as he said that.

My boyfriend, Zack, had spiky hair.

I had to ask him.

"His name wasn't...Zack, was it?"

Sephiroth shook his head.

"No," he replied. "It wasn't Zack Fair. It was one of the lower-ranking troops."

My heart skipped a beat; he definitely knew my Zack. My next question would have been, naturally, to ask whether Zack was still alive.

But I didn't get the chance.

Chrissy suddenly let out a shocked gasp.

It was then I noticed that Tanya was stepping out of her panties. Her other clothes were discarded at her feet, and she stood there, naked as the day she was born.

"Jesus H. Christ!" I exclaimed.

"I'm a princess!" Tanya announced with her arms folded. "And a princess doesn't have to wear clothes if she doesn't want to!"

It was then obvious to me that she had completely lost it. She needed help. Bad.

"I'd like to sail into the Storm Belt," Tanya announced.

"Are you crazy?!" Chrissy exclaimed. "That's suicide!"

"I want to go to heaven!" Tanya said before beginning to sob again. "I want to go to heaven! And it's all his fault. Fuck him. Fuck him!"

And then, Tanya trotted into the next room.

Of course, the three of us followed her.

This room seemed to be some kind of lounge, with a couch and a chair, and a fireplace. To the left was a short hallway with a tiled floor, a doorway on the left, and a closet at the end of it.

We could all see a sign on the closet door: DANGER: VACUUM. DO NOT OPEN.

"That's it?" Chrissy scoffed. "I'm a housewife. How is that dangerous?"

"Shinra makes weapons that are deadly," Sephiroth replied. "They look like household appliances, until they're ready for their real use."

"So they're for secret assassinations," I deduced. "If they want to kill someone, they'll plant one in their house."

"Exactly," Sephiroth replied. "You catch on quick."

"Thanks," I said.

Somehow, being complimented by Sephiroth made me feel beyond flattered.

"My Masamune is gone," Sephiroth continued. "And it must be somewhere in this complex."

"My son is gone," Chrissy said. "He must be somewhere in the complex."

"We'll look for them both," Sephiroth agreed.

It was kind of funny. I had hear some nasty things about him, but here he seemed like a genuinely nice guy.

"I don't want to look for those," pouted the still-naked Tanya. "I want to check out the vacuum."

"Are you crazy?" Chrissy exclaimed. "Can't you see the sign?"

"All too well," Tanya said as the naked blonde ventured down the tiled hall.

"Tanya!" I exclaimed.

But my pleas fell on deaf ears.

Tanya walked right up to the closet door, and opened it.

Inside was what appeared to be a canister hose vacuum.

"It's not even plugged in!" Tanya observed.

Just then, the vacuum started.

And then, suddenly, and without warning, the hose raised itself up and attached itself to Tanya's face.

Tanya screamed in agony as she tried to pull the hose from her face, but it was no use. The suction was much more powerful than normal.

I began to run to her aid.

Then, I felt a hand grab my arm.

"No, you don't," Chrissy demanded.

"We have to help her!" I pleaded.

"With what?" Chrissy asked. "We don't have any weapons."

What she said hit me hard, but she was right; there was no defense against it.

All we could do was watch.

At first, there was nothing but agonizing screams.

Then, one eye was sucked from its socket. Then the other.

I couldn't bear to watch anymore, so I looked away.

"We must go," Sephiroth insisted. "It will come after us once it's done with her."

I glanced at Tanya, who had now lost the skin of her face; bone from her skull was visible.

"But Tanya," I protested.

The screaming had stopped, and her arms were now limp at her side.

"She's done for!" Chrissy insisted. "We can't join her!"

We thus made our way for the doorway. In my last glimpse, I saw it continue sucking at the obviously-dead Tanya.

The three of us passed through the doorway.

Beyond the doorway was a what seemed to be a maze. None of us had been here before, so we had no idea of where to go.

Chrissy decided to take charge. She ran ahead of Sephiroth and I, and led us down. Any chance she got, she turned to the left, and we duly followed her.

Corner after corner, we continued to follow her lead. I was nervous the whole time. I was worried we would eventually hit a dead end. Every minute or so, I looked back to see if the vacuum was gaining on us; it fortunately wasn't.

And then, finally, we came across a flight of stairs.

"There's no way that thing can follow us up these!" Chrissy declared.

She ran up the stairs.

Sephiroth and I followed.

I kept looking back, just in case.

Finally, we made it to the top.

Looking down again, I saw the vacuum appear from around the corner.

Sure enough, it wasn't able to climb the stairs.

I couldn't resist.

"You totally suck!" I called down.

The three of us then ran through the doorway, and a mechanical door slowly closed, sealing us off from the maze.

"Woot!" I exclaimed as Chrissy and I high-fived each other.

Sephiroth stood by solemnly, knowing our trials had just begun.

MEANWHILE...

Hojo was folding a hand as he felt his watch ding.

"The first test has been passed," he announced.

"Perfect," Scarlet said as she tapped the table.

"One down, more to go," said President Shinra as he likewise tapped the table.

"What about the side experiment?" Hojo asked.

"We'll get to it when we get to it," Heidegger replied.

"It they survive long enough!" Palmer added.