CHAPTER 21: Flickering flame
"Pain is a necessary part of life but suffering is not."
Zuko woke up covered in sweat.
His eyelids fluttered open, but instead of relief, he was greeted by the remnants of his nightmare that still clung to his mind like cobwebs.
Images of his father emerging from the shadows, the phoenix symbol and explosive fire were still burning behind his eyelids, and the sound of his sister laughing maniacally still rang in his ears.
He shook his head while his breath came out in ragged gasps, his chest rising and falling rapidly as his heart continued to race, echoing the frantic rhythm of his dream.
He sat up and looked around.
The room was bathed in the soft glow of the moonlight filtering through the windows, casting elongated shadows that danced across the walls like specters.
Desperate to escape the clutches of the nightmare, he rubbed his eyes.
With trembling hands, he reached out, seeking reassurance in the familiar touch of his surroundings. His fingers brushed the cool sheet of his sleeping bag beneath him, and his eyes quickly fell to Katara who was still sleeping peacefully next to him.
He sighed out.
As the fear began to ebb away, and his heart steadied, he realized that he was safe. It had been nothing but a nightmare, a trick of his mind.
Very carefully, Zuko made his way out of his sleeping bag and rose to his feet. With light feet he stalked across the room and gazed out of the dormitory window.
Below, it seemed like the temple floated amidst a silent sea of darkness. He could barely tell the distinct golden spires that rose up from below, seemingly piercing the night sky like arrows and pointing the way to higher realms.
Everything was so quiet.
As if the landscape was softened by the veil of darkness.
Even though he could hear Katara's gentle breathing behind him, a lingering unease remained within him, like a shadow that lingered in the corners of his mind.
Memories of his past haunted him like ghosts, their whispers echoing in the depths of the shadows, and it was as if they could reach him anywhere. Even here in the middle of this Air Nomad sanctuary.
Anywhere he went, it seemed he could not escape the claws of his past.
As he stood there, images of his childhood flashed before his eyes - the fierce battles with his father, the scornful words of Azula, the disappearance of his mother, the betrayal of his own sense of honor. He recalled the pain of exile, the loneliness of wandering the world in search of a way to atone for his past sins.
Zuko turned around to look at Katara once more.
He wanted to lie down next to her again, crawl in and feel the warmth and comfort of her embrace. But he did not want to wake her.
He decided to leave her sleeping in peace and he soon left their room.
As he stalked along the halls of the dormitory, the air hung heavy with an unsettling stillness, only broken by the faint creaking of floorboards beneath his feet. Every sound echoed with an unnatural resonance, magnifying the sense of isolation that surrounded him.
He caught a glimpse of movement out of the corner of his eye, and he quickly turned his head to look in the direction of the fleeting shadow that slitted across the wall.
A chill ran down his spine, and he quickened his pace, his footsteps echoing ominously in the empty halls.
He had to get out.
He felt as though he was being watched, unseen eyes tracking his every move, waiting to pounce at the slightest sign of weakness.
His imagination ran wild.
Visions of ancient spirits and vengeful ghosts lurking in the shadows, ready to reel him into their grip, creeped in on him. It was as if he could hear their whispers and cries of horror in the darkness around him, blaming him for the past deeds of the Fire Nation. Of his father.
He wanted to light a fire to carry with him, but he dared not to.
What if the fire would anger the spirits?
He felt as if he was being suffocated, like they were slowly but surely hauling the air out of his lungs.
He broke into a run.
As soon as he emerged from the seemingly oppressive confines of the temple building, a rush of relief washed over him.
Stepping out into the open air of the courtyard, he felt the weight of the temple's eerie atmosphere lift from his shoulders.
The moon hung high in the sky above, and the night air felt crisp and invigorating on his skin, carrying with it a scent of fresh pine and earth.
Taking a deep breath, Zuko closed his eyes as he felt the tension that had been coiled tight in his chest begin to loosen, and his muscles relaxed as he reveled in the sense of space and openness that surrounded him.
With a deep exhale, he opened his eyes again only to have them fall upon a small orange flame that flickered behind some bushes further ahead of him. The light seemed welcoming and warm, causing him to tilt his head in curiosity.
As he came closer, he realized that the flame was dancing in the center of a pavilion in the meditation garden further down.
Next to the flame he noticed a figure sitting there in lotus position.
At first, he felt a rush of fear spread from his heart. What if the figure was a ghost of the past calling him in to make him repent for the deeds of his ancestors?
But the fear was soon replaced by another wave of relief when he realized that the figure was not a specter.
It was just Aang.
Zuko wondered what he was doing there in the middle of the night as he walked closer to him. He was facing out over the meditation garden, so Zuko could not see his face. Maybe he was meditating?
"Can't sleep either?" he breathed in a slightly shaky voice, when he reached the pavilion, hoping not to disturb him too much.
Aang did not answer.
Zuko narrowed his eyes a little, when clouds of swirling mists slowly seemed to crawl closer to the pavilion. He noticed that Aang's body started trembling, just like when they had first arrived at the Air Temple.
He felt as if a leaden cloak settled upon his shoulders, while a rush of unease immediately gnawed in the back of his mind, a persistent worry that twisted and churned in the pit of his stomach.
"Aang?" he tried again with apprehension thick in his voice.
With furrowed brows, he approached Aang cautiously, reaching out his hand to turn him around.
Suddenly, Aang's eyes snapped open to reveal a gaze filled with fury and accusation.
His eyes were white, and in the matter of a second, it seemed like a redness spread over his skin, quickly followed by blisters bubbling forth that burst, causing searing fluid to trickle down his face.
Zuko recoiled in shock.
Aang's skin rapidly changed before him, and Zuko watched with wide eyes as his skin melted away before him, only to reveal muscles, tendons and bone that grew black in mere seconds. As if he was melting away in front of him. As if he was burning.
"You will pay for the sins of your father," Aang's voice boomed at him, echoing over the garden with such intensity, it sent shivers down Zuko's spine.
Panic coursed through Zuko's veins as he tried to make sense of his friend's accusation, his mind racing with a torrent of guilt and confusion.
"Aang, please," he tried, pleading for understanding, for forgiveness, but Aang's expression remained cold and unforgiving, his words still echoing and cutting through him like daggers.
Zuko turned to flee, but no matter how fast he ran, he could not escape the relentless pursuit of Aang's accusing gaze. Everywhere he turned, he saw faces of dead Air Nomads, their eyes filled with betrayal and condemnation.
"You must pay!"
Suddenly, he found himself engulfed in a swirling vortex of darkness, and he tried to scream, but his screams only echoed into the abyss as he struggled to break free from the grip of guilt and shame that spun him into desolation.
Gasping for breath, Zuko awakened with a start.
His heart pounded in his chest as his eyes flew open, and he looked around in frantic movements, his hands searching for the ground beneath him.
"Hey, hey, hey, what's going on?" he heard someone say next to him, and he quickly turned his face to see Katara's blue eyes gaze upon him, filled with concern.
"I was… Aang, he… My father… I…" Zuko heard himself say between gasps, and Katara soon put her arms around him, trying to comfort him with a shoosing sound.
"Relax, babe. It was just a bad dream."
But even as Zuko tried to shake off the lingering echoes of the nightmare, a seed of doubt took root in his mind.
A nagging fear that perhaps there was truth behind the accusations that haunted his dreams.