A/N: Emotion warning!
Every muscle in her body seemed to contain a dull ache after two more training sessions to round out her Saturday. She'd worked herself to the grindstone, determined to bring out her absolute best for the final night of the selection process.
Because of that, she found herself in the recovery room at the hotel after training, her legs strapped into the NormaTec recovery boots as she lay quietly in her chair.
Over to her left, Kennedy Baker was having a well deserved massage to loosen up all her sore muscles, while Jordyn lay across the room on another table, having an achy calf worked on by the national team doctor, Larry Nassar. The chair to her right was occupied by Gabby, who looked like she was having a nap while the NormaTec boots did their work. The room around her was abuzz with activity, what with all the girls in various stages of post training recovery, but it felt surprisingly calm.
"Hey," Aly said softly as she approached, kneeling down beside JJ's chair. JJ lazily turned her head towards her, making Aly giggle. "They've got you on the good stuff hey?"
"I think I love NormaTec," JJ whispered, making Aly laugh.
"And I love Deep Heat," Aly replied, wincing as she bumped her knees against the chair. Aly had had a rough week. Almost every time JJ had watched her in practice, she had landed on her knees. They were raw and bruised, and she knew Aly would just be glad when the whole thing was over so she could stop stressing herself out.
"McKayla and I are gonna have a chill night in our room, watch some movies. Come find us when you're out of physical, ok?" Aly said. JJ nodded, watching as her friend got up and headed back out of the room.
As she watched her retreating back, the nagging sense of dread started to settle in her stomach again.
Half an hour later, she was walking out of the physical therapy room, Kennedy at her side.
"You ok JJ?" Kennedy asked as they headed for the elevators. "You've been pretty quiet all day"
JJ nodded, clenching her fists tightly as Kennedy reached out and pressed the 'up' arrow. Her stomach was nothing more than an angry ball of nerves, and no amount of willing it away was taking away the sickening sense of dread.
"Just nervous," she muttered, keeping her eyes cast down at the floor. A 'ding' sounded to their right, the doors of the elevator sliding open to allow them in. They stepped in, Kennedy pressing the button for their floor as the doors slid closed again.
"Aren't you nervous?" JJ asked quietly, turning to look at Kennedy as the elevator began to trundle up to their floor.
Kennedy let out a laugh. "No. I know I'm not going to London, about eight of you would have to be paralyzed before I would make the Olympic team. Not that I'm wishing that on any of you, I swear. But no, I'm not nervous, because there's no pressure for me. I'm not making the team, and that's ok. I'm going through this Trials process because it's an experience for me… and one day I'll be able to tell my kids I competed at the Olympic Trials"
JJ managed a smile as Kennedy grinned at her. For a moment, she envied her teammate. What she would give to be here with no nerves, no pressure, no constant stomach churning.
"I'm rooting for you though," Kennedy said quietly as the elevator came to a stop on their floor and the doors creaked apart. "I know you're nervous, which is ok, but I think you can do it, JJ"
Biting her lip, JJ shot Kennedy an anxious smile, following her out into the hallway. Seeing as their rooms were in opposite directions, they bid goodbyes.
Somehow, she felt worse than before.
Unlocking the hotel room, she entered to an empty room. Assuming Aly and McKayla had gone in search of snacks, she bundled herself into the bathroom, pulling her phone out of her pocket as she closed the door behind her and fell back against it.
"I'm standing on the wing of this aircraft, having just rebuilt an entire panel, and I've put all fifty six rivets back into the top surface panel… or, I thought I had, because I still had two rivets in my hand," Jason said animatedly.
They were sitting in il' Pomodori, a small but cozy Italian restaurant that Sandy had stumbled across that afternoon while scouring the nearby shopping districts with her mother, Nancy. Since being served their food just minutes earlier, they had quickly discovered it was delicious.
"What did you do next?" Michael laughed.
"Started pulling the rivets back out like a madman of course!" Jason exclaimed, sending the whole table into a fit of laughter. "If you're working on a plane and you end up with extra bolts in your hand, you better bloody find out where they came from!"
The laughter was permeated by the sound of Sandy's phone ringing from her handbag. Ducking down, she immediately grabbed it from the top of her bag, frowning when she saw JJ's name lighting up the screen. Answering it, she pressed it to her ear, turning her body towards the back of her chair as the conversation continued at the table.
"Hey sweetie, what's going on?"
"Are you busy?"
Sandy frowned. JJ sounded upset.
"We're out for dinner, but it's ok, I can talk," she said gently, rising from her chair and walking towards the front of the restaurant, shooting Michael a reassuring smile as he watched her worriedly. Pushing on the door, she let herself out into the warm summer night, walking down the sidewalk a little way before taking a seat on the little limestone wall.
"Mom, I'm so nervous"
Sandy's heart gave a painful tug as she listened to the anxiety coursing through her daughter's voice. This journey was harder than anyone could imagine. It was rewarding, and incredible, and one that JJ had chosen for herself… but at the same time, it was also demanding, relentless, and at times, unforgiving.
"I would be surprised if you weren't, my girl," Sandy said softly, trying to keep her voice even and soothing, even though all she wanted to do was run to the team hotel, gather JJ in her arms and hold her tight. Her daughter was strong and talented… but she was also shy, and innocent, and at times, so filled with self doubt that Sandy wondered how she ever saw herself succeeding.
"My stomach hurts," JJ said tearfully, sniffing back tears on the other end of the line. "It's been hurting all week, and I know it's because I'm worried… I just can't make it go away"
"JJ, you're going to be alright," Sandy breathed. Hearing JJ in tears made it all that much harder for her to keep her composure. "You're going to be alright. You looked incredible last night… like you were enjoying every minute of performing"
"But every minute when I'm not performing is just a constant 'what if'," JJ rebutted.
"You know very well that you can't do that. All you can control is the gymnastics you perform"
Silence hung on the line, the air between them seeming to buzz as she waited for JJ to speak again.
And then, a sniff sounded out, followed by a choked sob.
"Mom, I don't think I'm going to make this team"
Biting her lip hard to prevent herself from bursting into tears at JJ's terrified proclamation, Sandy hung her head, taking a deep breath as she tried to work out what to say next.
She jumped slightly when a strong arm dropped lightly around her shoulders. Recognizing Michael's cologne, she leaned into his embrace, feeling much more relaxed in her husband's presence.
"Why do you think that?" she asked gently.
"Because the other girls… they're just better… stronger… Mom, Aly's going to end up going to London and I'm going to be staying home"
"And you know something JJ? If that happens… you'll be ok," Sandy said gently. "It'll suck and you'll be sad and upset about it… but you'll be ok. This, right now, is one small notch amongst everything you're going to do with your life, and it does not define you or who you are. You are still the sweet, gold hearted, good natured girl I raised you to be, and nothing is going to change that"
JJ let out a quiet sob, her mother's words sinking deeper than Sandy had surely expected them to.
"I know you're nervous… I know you're probably a little scared, which is ok! How many seventeen year old girls can say they've competed at the Olympic Trials? But through all this worry, I want you to remember that we love you, and we support you, and we believe in you. Ok, my girl?"
"Ok," came JJ's tearful whisper from the other end.
"I'm going to pass you over to your dad, ok? He wants to talk to you"
Getting JJ's agreement, she passed the phone over to Michael, stretching up to press a kiss to his cheek before starting to head back inside.
"Hey Jaybird, you having a rough night?" she heard Michael say as she pulled open the door and re-entered the restaurant.
"Everything ok?" Jason asked as she approached the table.
"Yeah," she sighed, walking around to her chair and pulling it out. "JJ's having a bit of a crisis of confidence. I think she's ok… she's just a bit upset"
They returned to their meals, Michael rejoining them nearly ten minutes later, wearing a reassuring smile.
"She's ok," he said softly, handing Sandy back her phone as he took his seat again. "She just doubts herself too much. I told her not to worry about scores or teams, just to go out and do what she's been training with Nick. At that point, Aly came in and found her, so she's gone to watch a movie with her and McKayla"
Sandy smiled gratefully. Since Aly and JJ had met at the age of 10 in the Talent Opportunity Program, Aly had always been a wonderful friend. Not only were she and JJ thick as thieves, but Aly was always looking out for her, and Sandy knew JJ did the same for Aly.
For a moment, Sandy wondered if Aly's mother, Lynn, had received any similar phone calls throughout the week, but then she shook it off.
It was better not to dwell on the nerves. Tomorrow night, the worst would be over.
And then they would deal with whatever came next.