"Brumous"
"Chapter Nine: The Kiss"
Sirius stared at Harry, watching him wipe the sweat off his forehead as he lay in a crumpled-up heap on the floor. His godson's chest heaved, his limbs shaking. Sirius wanted to rush towards him, help him up and reassure him. But he knew that's not what Harry needed nor what he wanted. Crossing his arms over his chest, he glanced up at Dumbledore who waited patiently for Harry to stand.
"Closing off the senses is clever, Harry," Dumbledore praised. "If you know your mind is being broken into, it is a perfect defense mechanism."
Harry maneuvered on the floor until he was on all fours. His normally wild hair was drenched in sweat and hanging in tendrils, dripping onto the tile floor. His arms shook as he pushed himself up off the floor and turned to face Dumbledore. He looked pale, his head snapping to get the wet strands out of his eyes.
"It is not enough to stop the possessions. It's not enough to stop the dreams," Dumbledore continued. "You need to close off your mind completely to everyone and everything at all times."
Harry visibly swallowed, looking defeated. "How?"
Dumbledore glanced beyond Harry at Sirius. "Would you step forward Sirius?"
He complied, making his way to stand next to Harry. Sirius placed a comforting hand on his godson's shoulder.
"Look at Sirius," Dumbledore instructed.
Harry turned, glancing at Sirius. His tired green eyes searched Sirius' face, though he seemed more than a little confused.
"What is Sirius feeling, Harry?" Dumbledore asked.
Harry winced. "Err… I, uh, I don't know?"
"Precisely," Dumbledore replied, his hands clapping together and pointing in Sirius' direction. "Sirius hides his feelings and emotions well. There is a mask he wears, no doubt a defense mechanism."
Sirius' face pulled. "Yeah, can we not?"
"Sirius is hard for me to read," Dumbledore continued, ignoring Sirius. "I look at him and I see nothing. I try to prod and I instantly feel resistance. Sirius has masked himself perfectly where I have only felt his walls come down a handful of times. Closing off your senses is a great step, Harry, but you need to build a wall like Sirius."
"How do I build a wall?" Harry asked, his brows furrowing.
Dumbledore looked at Sirius. "How did you build your wall, Sirius?"
Sirius blinked. "I don't know? I just bloody well did."
"What happened the summer before your third year?" Dumbledore pressed. "That's when your walls were impenetrable. I must admit, I was amazed at the sheer force behind them."
Sirius froze, remembering very clearly the summer before his third year when Lord Voldemort dined with his entire family, before he and Regulus watched from behind the railing as their family took the Mark one by one. The memory had been seared into his mind, remembering how scared he had been as Regulus asked him what was happening. It was in that moment, he knew he no longer wished to be a member of the Black family and he started to count the days until he was seventeen.
"It was a breaking point," Sirius said through clenched teeth.
Dumbledore inclined his head to Harry. "Show him."
"Excuse me?" Sirius snapped. "How is showing Harry a memory from my fucked-up childhood going to help him close his mind?"
"Reliving it with Harry may help you figure out how you built those walls," Dumbledore said. "You explained so perfectly to Harry how to shut down his senses. Now, you must explain to him how to build walls. Harry trusts you, seeks your counsel. You and Harry are more alike than you may think. I think Harry could master it the way you mastered it."
Dumbledore stepped aside, gesturing to the Pensieve that sat on the kitchen table. Now it made sense why Dumbledore brought it. Sirius stared at it, his heart hammering in his chest. The blood rushed in his ears, his mind wondering if he would actually be able to stomach seeing the memory again… let alone have Harry witness it firsthand.
"He will not think any differently of you, Sirius," Dumbledore insisted. "That was always your biggest fear, was it not? For those you loved to know what happened within the walls of this house and have them turn their back on you?"
Sirius sneered at Dumbledore. "Don't pretend like you know me."
"I am only relying on what I have heard from Fleamont," Dumbledore whispered, appraising Sirius over his moon-shaped glasses. "He cared very deeply for you, Sirius. I think he was the only one you felt comfortable talking about your home life with. Fleamont was there for you when you needed him, listening without judgement and advocating fiercely on your behalf. I know it made an impact on you, because the same protectiveness that Fleamont held for you, you hold for Harry. In the past two years, I have seen you emulate Fleamont perfectly. The impact of that relationship has translated to your relationship with Harry. I see it so perfectly clear."
Sirius sucked in a breath. He didn't know how to be a godfather or a father or a parental figure. Orion and Walburga had left a sour taste in his mouth as they didn't have a compassionate bone in their bodies. They were no family. It had all felt like a business transaction with them, no love and little praise to go around. All Sirius knew was that he didn't want to be like them. But Fleamont was very different than Orion. He was kind, patient, loving. Sirius felt safe with him, often spilling out the terrible tales of his family to the man before he could stop himself. Sirius wanted to be the man Fleamont was. There wasn't a doubt in his mind that Fleamont would want him to show the memory, try to figure out the answer. Because Fleamont put his loved ones first, above himself. Sirius wanted to be that selfless as well.
Taking a step forward, Sirius pulled his wand from his trouser pocket. Pressing the tip to his forehead, he closed his eyes and pictured that July night. Extracting the memory, he flicked his wrist and saw Lord Voldemort's youthful face staring up at him in the basin.
"May I enter with you, Sirius?" Dumbledore asked as he held an arm out for Harry to join them. "I must admit, I have been curious to see the events of that night since Fleamont told me about them."
Sirius' jaw clenched as Harry's arm brushed against his, causing his arm to automatically wrap around his godson's shoulders and pulling him close. "I have nothing to hide."
With that, the three of them leaned forward and fell weightlessly down into the dining room of Grimmauld Place. It was no longer filthy or decrepit-looking. It was no longer a dark pit, but rather natural light spilled into the room, the dark green walls nearly shining brightly. The furniture was brand new, not a ding or scratch on them. Everything was in pristine condition, almost like it had been plucked from a showroom in a furniture shop.
The Black family sat around the table, dinner long over and the desserts almost completely devoured. At the head of the table, in expensive and traditional black dress robes, sat Lord Voldemort. He looked relatively normal at this moment in time, his dark hair perfectly coifed on his head. His dark eyes were still a normal color, shining against his unnaturally pale skin.
"What is this?" Harry asked, staying close to Sirius.
"My mother was friends with Voldemort," Sirius explained, unable to keep the bitterness from his tone. "They attended Hogwarts together. She invited him to dine with us. I was only thirteen, luckily," Sirius continued as he swallowed, his hand rising to point out his family members. "Going clockwise. That's Voldemort, of course. Next to him is my mother, then my father. Then, that's Narcissa. She was only…" Sirius did the math quickly in his head. "Eighteen. Lucius Malfoy next to her. They were already married at this point. The wedding was awful, by the way. Avoid any pureblood narcissist party you can. Next to him is Regulus. He was only eleven. Then me, obviously. I was unfortunate enough to sit next to Bellatrix, who was twenty-two. Next is my Uncle Cygnus and my Aunt Druella."
"I must express my gratitude, Walburga, for bringing us all together," Lord Voldemort said, smiling as he picked up his wine glass. "You have talked so much about your family that it is wonderful to finally meet them."
"They have been eager to meet you as well," Walburga replied. "Your ideals and morals have been appreciated amongst our family. It pained my brother Alphard that he could not be here tonight. He is away on business, I'm afraid."
Sirius snorted, knowing full well that Uncle Alphard had no interest in Lord Voldemort's politics. He was always conveniently absent from such events, quick to lament about missing such important events before shooting Sirius a wink when Walburga had turned away.
"My beautiful niece Bellatrix is set to marry my eldest, Sirius," Walburga continued, as Sirius bit his bottom lip in order not to speak. "It would be an honor to have you in attendance. We are thinking the summer before Sirius enters his fifth year."
Except the summer before his fifth year had come and gone, no wedding to be had. Walburga and Orion decided to concentrate on forcing him to be obedient. That hadn't worked out too well in their favor. So they then resorted to torture and attempted to manipulate his mind the following Christmas, but he had escaped their clutches for the last time.
"I would not miss it for the world," Lord Voldemort confirmed. "An heir's wedding is always a time for celebration."
Lord Voldemort turned his attention to where Sirius, Regulus, and Bellatrix sat. His eyes zeroed in on Sirius, his lips twisting.
"How old are you, Sirius?" Lord Voldemort asked.
Sirius continued to look at his plate, not daring to look up. "Thirteen."
"Pity," Lord Voldemort tsked. "I know you want to help our world thrive again, to reinstill the old values just like the rest of your family. But you, Sirius, are not ready for such a responsibility. Your job right now is to grow, to hone your natural magical talents. I look forward to calling for your aid once you are a bit older, more experienced."
"Sirius looks forward to it, my lord," Walburga replied quickly, before Sirius had a chance to speak.
Lord Voldemort smiled tightly, pushing back his chair and rising from his seat. "Walburga, Orion, we have business to attend to. Why don't you send the children to bed?"
Sirius pushed back his chair as well, not waiting for further instruction. His head snapped in Regulus' direction, his hand reaching out to grab his brother's wrist and pull him close.
"What happened before this, Sirius?" Dumbledore asked, as they followed Sirius and Regulus out of the dining room.
"A bunch of blood supremacy talk," Sirius replied, making sure to keep Harry close to him.
"Was anything talked about besides blood supremacy?" Dumbledore pushed as they climbed the staircase to the ground floor.
Sirius shot him a look. "Like what?"
"Dark Magic. Pushing magic to its limits," Dumbledore elaborated as they climbed up another staircase to the first floor. "Did he ask to see your library?"
"Get down," Sirius whispered, pulling Regulus down to the ground.
Voices wafted up the stairs as the Blacks and Lord Voldemort made their way to the parlor. The room was just barely visible from the spot that the two brothers claimed, their noses pressed between the railing.
"We're supposed to go to bed," Regulus whispered.
"Shh, Reggie," Sirius hissed, his neck craning to get a better view of the parlor.
"I know you have something specific in mind, so why don't you just come out and ask me the question," Sirius demanded, his fingers tightening on Harry's shoulder.
"Have you ever heard of a Horcrux, Sirius?" Dumbledore asked in a casual tone, as though he were merely asking about the weather and not about something as nauseating as a Horcrux.
He knew of them, Merlin, he knew. Sirius had overheard his family talking about them over the years, all in hushed whispers. He could remember the summer before his fifth year, when his parents had tried to re-educate him on how to be a proper pureblood. He had instructed him to study in the library, but instead he had found a book on his father's desk about Horcruxes. As he read the text, he nearly vomited as it described in detail the steps needed to craft one.
"Yes," Sirius said slowly.
"What's a Horcrux?" Harry interrupted, his head snapping between the two.
"Morsmordre!" Lord Voldemort bellowed, and a female let out a strangled scream from below.
Sirius didn't have to look to know what was happening. He could remember, clear as day, as Bellatrix volunteered to take the Mark first. But Harry needed to know what was happening below, his curiosity overtaking him like it often did. His godson stepped away from him, crouching down next to Sirius' teenage self and Regulus.
"What is he doing? That's the spell for the Dark Mark," Harry asked, his neck craning.
"Morsmordre!"
Sirius couldn't remember the order in which they took the Mark. They had stood in a straight line, Voldemort going down it one by one. He did remember Walburga went last and no sound escaped her lips.
"He's marking them with the Dark Mark," Sirius replied quickly, his attention on Dumbledore. "You don't mean to tell me that my parents helped Voldemort make a Horcrux."
"Horcruxes," Dumbledore corrected, his hands folded neatly in front of him.
Sirius' brow furrowed, trying to ignore the screams from below. "More than one? That's…"
"I'm very well aware of just how twisted it is, Sirius, but I need to know if Lord Voldemort ever told Walburga or anyone else in your family about what he planned on using or where he planned on hiding them," Dumbledore continued, looking like he had aged a good fifty years in the span of five minutes. "I know Walburga was especially close to him. Bellatrix was also one of his favorites."
Sirius blinked as he searched his mind, trying to think of anything specific said when the Horcruxes were whispered about within the walls of Grimmauld Place. The spell rang from below again and this time, a male voice grunted out in pain.
"Sirius," Regulus sobbed, his hands pulling on the sleeve of his brother's dress robes. "I don't want to watch any longer. What's happening?"
"Lucius Malfoy was in possession of one," Dumbledore elaborated. "Though, I suspect he had no idea what it truly was."
"What's a Horcrux?" Harry pressed again from his spot on the floor, his eyes glued on the scene occurring in the parlor.
"I don't know," Sirius whispered, ignoring his godson's question. "I… they talked about them. They had a book."
"I have the book in my possession," Dumbledore assured him. "It was something I looked for the moment I stepped foot inside of this house. I had always heard the Blacks possessed a large collection of banned books on Dark Magic. I was not disappointed."
"Sirius!" Harry shouted. "Professor!"
Snapping his attention to his godson, he realized that he was following the teenage Sirius and Regulus up another flight of stairs. Sirius dashed to keep up with them, his heart pounding in his chest. They made their way up to the fourth floor.
Sirius shoved his bedroom door open, the door banging against the wall. Throwing his pillow off his bed, a mirror lay underneath. He grabbed it, his hand shaking.
"James Potter," Sirius said.
"Sirius, what are you doing?" Regulus asked, his entire body trembling.
"Getting the fuck out of here," Sirius replied, his grip tightening on the mirror. "James Potter!"
"You're leaving?" Regulus asked in a hushed tone, shock evident.
"Oi, Sirius! Why are you dressed up?" James' voice wafted from the mirror, his voice light and joking.
"Where's your dad?" Sirius asked, his eyes snapping back to the mirror. "Can he come get me? Now?"
"What's wrong?" James asked, his words no longer laced with amusement. "Are you all right?"
Sirius swallowed, his head nodding. "I'm fine. It's just… James, that bloke is here."
"What bloke?"
"You know, the blood supremacist. The one linked to all those disappearances and murders," Sirius elaborated in a hushed tone, his eyes darting towards the door of the bedroom. "He… James, he did something to everyone in my family. Everyone except Reg and I. They were screaming in pain. He had a wand pointed on their forearm."
"Sirius," a new deeper voice sounded from the mirror. "Sirius, I need you to listen to me. It is very important, all right?"
Sirius nodded. "I'm listening, Mr Potter."
Harry perked up and he crossed the room to stand next to the memory of Sirius. He gazed down at the mirror, his glasses sliding down his nose as he soaked in the man in the mirror. Sirius shoved his hands in his pockets as he leaned in close to Dumbledore beside him.
"I need a Pensieve," Sirius whispered.
"James, go grab your mother for me, please," Fleamont pleaded. "Hurry."
"You may keep the Pensieve I brought over," Dumbledore offered.
Sirius nodded. "I want to sift through my memories of this time period. It may prove to be useful."
Dumbledore nodded, his lips curving up. "Yes, I believe it will. I would be delighted to have an in-depth chat about Horcruxes with you. Perhaps, we can even invite Horace Slughorn."
Sirius blinked. "Why him?"
"I need you to stay away from that man, do you understand, Sirius?" Fleamont instructed, his voice firm. "Euphemia and I are on our way. You will stay with us the rest of the summer. We will not leave until they agree to it."
"I believe Horace holds some knowledge about Horcruxes pertaining to Lord Voldemort that would be rather illuminating," Dumbledore explained. "I heard Horace is holding a party at the end of July. I was hoping you'd allow Harry to attend with me."
Sirius scoffed. "To what? Collect him?"
"In a way, I suppose," Dumbledore replied, brushing Sirius' concerns away. "I feel as though Harry would be able to extract a bit of information from Horace, information I have tried and failed to learn for three years now."
"What sort of information?" Sirius pressed.
"Information on Lord Voldemort's Horcruxes," Dumbledore replied, his gaze snapping towards Sirius. "You see, I have reason to believe that the obsession with Horcruxes started at Hogwarts. I have reason to believe that Walburga and Orion aided him in his search. The book that I took from Grimmauld Place belonged to your great-grandfather, the man you were named after, Sirius Phineas Black. Phineas Nigellus' portrait told me his son was obsessed with living forever. From what I understand, he had tried and failed to make a Horcrux and killed himself in the process."
"Well, my family history is just so fucking colorful, isn't it?" Sirius grumbled, his gaze focused on Harry who looked enchanted by the conversation between his young godfather and father.
Dumbledore sighed. "All of this information, it played a heavy hand in my distrust for you. I am sorry, Sirius, truly and deeply for not seeing past your name. If only I had trusted you… I feel as though we would be better prepared for what needs to be done."
Sirius' heart pounded in his chest, knowing that if Lord Voldemort truly did have multiple Horcruxes, that the road ahead of them would be long and dangerous. Rubbing his hand against his mouth, Sirius watched Harry and his heart split in two. This was much worse than Sirius had anticipated. He couldn't help but worry how this war would affect his godson… or how any of them were even going to survive it.
Remus took a seat next to Marlene on the sofa, a soft smile gracing his face. She had become increasingly less nervous around him since she had been found. In fact, Remus would wager to guess that she now enjoyed their meetings, especially since she was not allowed to leave the safe house that Dumbledore set up for her in Godric's Hollow.
She had moved into a home next to Dumbledore, so he could keep an eye on her for her safety. Nobody had even attempted to penetrate the wards nor had Dumbledore noticed anyone creeping about. That must have put Marlene at ease, knowing that nobody had even dared tried to contact her while under Dumbledore's protection.
"So, what did you bring me today?" Marlene asked, a smile tugging on her lips. "Has to be something good because I haven't seen you in a little over a week."
Remus sighed. "I'm afraid I've come empty handed. My absence has been due to Harry."
"Harry?" Marlene questioned, her body straightening at the mention of his name.
Remus arched an eyebrow at her. "Do you remember him?"
Marlene deflated. "No, I don't. What happened to him?"
The spark of hope extinguished in Remus' chest. He had hoped that some memory of him had revealed itself to her. Instead, it was merely just because Remus tried to talk about him as much as possible, hoping that some maternal instinct towards Harry would kick into overdrive. But of course, it hadn't. How could it when she hadn't even seen or talked to him in person?
Remus debated on how much to tell her about what had transpired between the Department of Mysteries and Harry's possessions. There had been concerns about her mind being so altered that she could easily be controlled or used by Bellatrix. No evidence of such a thing had come to light, but Dumbledore had still expressed caution.
"Harry left Hogwarts early," Remus explained. "Lord Voldemort tried to lure him from school. He is safely with Sirius."
"What happened?" Marlene pressed. "Where was he trying to take him?"
Remus cleared his throat. "Voldemort attempted to plant a trap for him. Luckily, Harry contacted Sirius right away and was able to put a stop to what was happening. Dumbledore thought it best that Harry stays with Sirius so he can watch over him."
Marlene swallowed. "Is… is he protecting Harry? He's treating him right?"
Remus smiled sadly. "Sirius loves Harry more than anybody in this entire world."
"You've said that before," Marlene replied, her lips pursing.
Remus couldn't help the sigh that escaped his lips. "Sirius is Harry's godfather, as you know, the only parental figure that he has at the moment. He would give his life for that kid, no hesitation or question."
Marlene swallowed, her eyes dropping to her hands in her lap. "I could… be there for him as well. I've thought a lot about it. I don't remember him, but… one day I will, won't I? I'd like to meet him."
Remus settled back into the sofa, his eyes appraising her. "I think seeing Sirius and Harry would do you some good."
"I'd rather just Harry," Marlene said in a flat tone, her eyes raising to meet his. "I don't have any good memories of Sirius at the moment."
Remus nodded, his fingers rubbing his chin. "I'm afraid they're a package deal right now."
Marlene scoffed. "Sirius won't let him come?"
"Sirius has been very encouraging towards Harry to see you," Remus explained quickly, not wanting Marlene to get the wrong idea. "Harry doesn't seem to want to without Sirius."
Marlene's brows furrowed. "Why?"
"Harry hasn't had the easiest life," Remus started. "He was raised by his aunt and uncle. As far as I can gather, he was neglected and abused by them. When he met Sirius, he had his first link ever to his past. Sirius has made himself as available as possible to Harry since his escape. He lived in a cave eating nothing but rats when Harry had been forced to partake in the Triwizard Tournament. I'm sure you've read about that in the paper."
Marlene nodded. "I did."
Remus cleared his voice. "This is all speculation on my part, because Harry doesn't talk about his feelings, especially not with me. But Sirius has been very upset about everything, shutting down and closing himself off to the world. Harry's taken notice. I think there's a bit of fear within Harry, worried that if he sees you that Sirius would be upset with him. Not that Sirius ever would be. And his reassurances have gone on deaf ears. But Harry is very attached to Sirius. I'd wager to say Harry views him as a father figure. The last thing a kid who has only known neglect and abuse would want is to anger the only loving parental figure they have."
Marlene looked taken aback, her mouth opening, but no words escaped. Remus waited patiently for her to speak, not wanting to rush her.
"I didn't know that," Marlene whispered.
Remus decided to switch course. "Do you remember anything yet?"
Marlene smiled tightly at him. "Two things, but I'm not sure if they really happened. One of them involves you."
"Me?" Remus asked in surprise, his eyebrows raising.
"I was hoping you could tell me if it really happened or not," Marlene continued.
"Of course."
Marlene took a deep breath, her hands wringing in her lap. It pained Remus to see Marlene in such a state. She had been so vibrant and confidant, but now she appeared so unsure of herself and nervous. He only hoped once she regained all of her memories that she would be a bit like her old self once again.
"I was with a faceless figure and we were standing by a large tree. We froze the tree somehow and disappeared underneath it," Marlene started.
Remus' heart hammered in his chest. He had not yet told Marlene that he was a werewolf, afraid she wouldn't want to see him any longer. He had been anxious for when the memory of him being a monster would emerge. It seemed like it was the first thing she remembered, which was rather unfortunate.
"We went down this long corridor and entered this dilapidated house. We went up a set of stairs and we found you on the floor. There was another faceless figure crouched over you, helping you get dressed. You were hurt with scratches and there was blood and… we helped the other figure carry you out of the house."
Remus nodded, vaguely remembering what Marlene was talking about. It had been a full moon towards the end of their seventh year. Peter's grandfather had died, so he had left the castle for the funeral. James had been in the hospital wing after sustaining a nasty concussion during Quidditch practice. Sirius had been the only one able to transform with him for the full moon. He could only vaguely remember the next morning when Marlene and Lily had come as soon as the sun rose to help Sirius get him to the hospital wing.
Remus cleared his throat. "Yes, that did happen."
Marlene blinked at him, her lips twitching. "Really? I remembered something? Who were the other figures? I couldn't make them out. They were all dark and shadowy."
"Well, the one with you was Lily. Harry's mum. The one you found with me was Sirius," Remus explained.
Marlene bit her bottom lip. "What… what was the context?"
Remus hesitated. He knew being honest with Marlene would only help her in her recovery, but it was always hard for him to admit to someone he was a monster. Most reactions weren't very desirable. But Marlene had accepted him once before. Perhaps she would again.
"I, uh… well, I'm a werewolf," Remus admitted. "I was bitten as a very young child. As one of my friends, you would, from time to time, help me the morning after the full moon."
"You're a werewolf?" Marlene questioned.
Remus braced himself. "Yes."
Marlene burst out laughing, just like she had the first time when she had found out about him. Some of the tension left his shoulders as he smiled tightly at her. A sixteen-year-old Marlene had not believed him at first, thinking it was more than hilarious.
"You're taking the piss," Marlene said once she had stopped laughing. "You're so… bloody normal."
"I can assure you, that once a month I do turn into a monster," Remus replied. "I'll understand if you wish me not to come by anymore."
"What?" Marlene asked, her head shaking. "That's mental to stop coming. I'd just appreciate it if you didn't come by on a full moon, if you're telling the truth."
Remus smiled. "I promise not to come anywhere near you during a full moon."
Marlene pointed a finger at him. "I'll hold you to that."
Remus laughed, seeing a spark of the old fun-loving Marlene shine through. He only hoped the breakthroughs would continue and she would start to remember Sirius for the person he was, because Sirius and Harry needed her more than they even knew.
"What was the other memory?" Remus asked, hoping he could help confirm that one as well.
"Do you know if I knew Tonks when she was a child?" Marlene asked. "I had a memory of a little girl with bubblegum pink hair."
"You know Andromeda? Tonks' mother?" Remus started.
Marlene nodded. "She's come by with some potions before. Her husband Ted is one of my Healers."
"Well, Andromeda and Sirius are cousins," Remus explained, watching her reaction closely but she luckily did not seem bothered by this revelation. "Sirius and you would go to Andromeda and Ted's on occasion, so you knew Tonks as a child, yes."
Marlene leaned back onto the sofa, her head shaking. "It's… I mean, I'm glad they're real memories, but it's bizarre. I mean, having these images in my head but no context. They're all hazy, like I can only just barely grasp at them."
"I do think seeing and speaking with Harry and Sirius would help you," Remus pressed again. "Sirius is the only one left that knew you better than anyone. He was a part of your family, friends with your brother and got along well with your parents."
"It's just… scary to think of seeing Sirius," Marlene admitted. "I mean, everyone has such wonderful things to say about him. But the memories in my head tell another story. I keep reminding myself that my name is not Bella and those are not my experiences, but the images are searing."
Remus could only guess how confusing that would be. To be told one thing but to see another… Remus shuddered to even guess how horrific the images in her head were. Rubbing his chin, he wished she could just see Sirius as he really was. Preferably an agreeable and not an overly grumpy Sirius at that.
"Dumbledore gave you a Pensieve, didn't he?" Remus asked, an idea sparking in his mind. "To help you sort through your fabricated memories and whatever memories you may regain?"
Marlene nodded. "Yes, but I haven't used it."
"What if I showed you a memory? One of Sirius and Harry from recently? That way, you'll see the real Sirius," Remus suggested, already thinking about what memory he could pull from his mind to show a calm and happy Sirius with Harry.
Marlene thought for a few moments before she rose from the sofa and crossed the room. Opening a cupboard, she removed a large stone basin from within. Without bothering to close the door, she crossed the room and set the basin down on the coffee table in front of Remus. He pulled his wand from his pocket as he stood up, deciding a late-night chat from a few days ago between Sirius, Harry, and himself was the perfect choice.
Remus had been well-versed in how to pull a memory from his mind. It was essential during the first war when he went undercover in the werewolf packs. He had plucked out a lot of memories before he'd go on his long missions, worried that he would be interrogated or have his mind broken into if Death Eaters showed up. While he had been interrogated, he had never had his mind broken into.
Pressing the tip of his wand to his temple, he pulled out the silvery memory and tossed it into the basin. He reached out a hand and Marlene took it before they tumbled down into the kitchen of Grimmauld Place.
Harry sat at the kitchen table, dark bags under his eyes as he leaned back in his chair with a hot cup of tea. Remus sat across from him, his head shaking as he stared beyond Harry at Sirius who stood at the counter cutting pieces of treacle tart.
"That's not what happened in the slightest!" Sirius snapped in a playful tone as he sent plates of treacle tart floating towards the table with a flick of his wand.
"It was how it happened," Remus argued.
"I let the dog catcher catch me," Sirius argued as he made his way over to the table and took a seat next to a grinning Harry.
"You did not! He snuck up behind you and had the thing around your neck before you could so much as blink," Remus replied as he picked up his fork and pointed it at Sirius. "It was so bloody funny when James tried to reason with him that you were his dog."
"Why didn't he believe my dad?" Harry asked, ignoring his tart completely.
"No tags," Sirius replied. "Or leash. Or collar. It was obviously just a ploy for money. He wanted a bribe, but James didn't have any Muggle money on him. Remus didn't either."
"We rushed to grab Lily to ask her how to get Sirius out of dog jail," Remus added, a wide smile on his face. "Lily went with James to help get Sirius out."
"He's an Animagus…" Marlene whispered, her eyes soaking in the scene in front of her.
"Yes," Remus replied, his hands shoving into his pockets. "A big black dog. We used to call him-"
"Padfoot," Marlene finished.
"You remember?" Remus pressed, staring at her.
"I think? I don't know. Nothing else stands out but that name," Marlene admitted. "I know I didn't know that before."
Harry laughed, his head shaking as he finally picked up his fork.
"James and Lily had to pay a hefty fine and register me," Sirius continued. "You know what they bloody put on the paperwork? Not Padfoot. Not Sirius. Bloody Snuffles."
Harry snapped his attention to Sirius, his eyes wide. "That's where Snuffles came from?"
"It was all Lily. She was a little shit, just like you," Sirius said in an affectionate tone, his arm wrapping around Harry and pulling him close. "I had a collar with the name on it and everything. Probably still in my old cottage somewhere."
"I mean, I'm sure Professor Lupin would go grab it for you," Harry jested.
"Stop calling him that," Sirius said, ruffling Harry's hair. "It's so odd to hear you of all people call him Professor Lupin. That's so formal."
"I honestly would prefer Remus," Remus added. "I am no longer, nor will I ever be your professor again."
Harry shrugged as he pushed Sirius away from him, his hands trying to uselessly smooth down his hair. "I'll try to remember."
"James would be in a right state," Sirius added. "He'd find it hilarious."
Remus nodded. "I'm sure he would. I have no doubt that he would start to call me that as well."
Marlene shifted next to Remus, taking a step forward. She rounded the table so she could get a good look at Sirius and Harry. Her eyes flickered between them.
"He's so different than I remember…" Marlene trailed off. "He looks different too."
"Well, he did age a lot while in Azkaban," Remus replied. "I think Harry is giving him a couple of gray hairs."
Sirius didn't look old per se. But he did look hardened and his eyes held a bit of hollowness to them. Sirius was a man who had seen and been through a lot in his life, and it certainly showed on his face.
"What's his name?" Sirius asked, leaning in close to Harry as he pointed at Remus.
Harry rolled his eyes. "Remus."
"You know, when you were a baby, I'd give you a little tiny baby biscuit every time you attempted to say my name. I can get some for you if you like."
Remus burst out laughing. Harry shook his head, but his lips twitched.
"I'm good. Thanks," Harry assured.
"I mean, you got a biscuit for just hissing at me," Sirius continued, a wide grin flitting across his face. "I understood Sirius was a mouthful for such a small child. I took the hissing. We can give you a biscuit for just doing the R sound at first if that helps."
Remus laughed, leaning back in his chair. "You know, as a child, I'm not sure you even liked me. You clung to James anytime I came around. Maybe that's why you refuse to call me by my first name. Harboring some old resentment from your baby days."
Harry blinked. "Really? Why?"
Remus shrugged. "Wasn't around a lot, unfortunately. I did a lot of long missions for the Order. I daresay, that was what caused Sirius and I to start to distrust each other. He was suspicious of me and I thought he was trying too hard to see fault in me."
Sirius let out a small chuckle, his head shaking. "I punched Remus in an alleyway once."
Harry's eyes widened, looking between the two of them. "You what?"
"Do you have to tell him that?" Remus asked, a wince crossing his face.
Sirius grinned. "You told Dora all about it. She asked me about it. Asked me if I always punch my friends."
"Sirius."
"What? It's sort of funny now that you think about it," Sirius said with a shrug.
Remus couldn't help but grin at the scene in front of him. It was like no time had passed between the three of them, like they had always sat around a kitchen table and bickered while Harry laughed. It was the way it should have been, from the moment Lily and James died. He couldn't help but look at them and think he should have at least talked to Sirius after Halloween instead of drowning himself in whisky and cursing his ex-friend.
They could have been together for years. They could have been happy. They didn't have to be lonely for so long.
Remus tore his attention away from the table to look down at Marlene. She looked like she so badly wanted to interact with them, to touch them, to believe. Remus only hoped that this little excursion would help her remember. Or, at the very least, give her the courage to see Sirius. If she was willing, Remus would force his friend to face her. It would do them all some good.
Harry stared at his tea, listening to Ginny and Ron argue about Quidditch. Sirius sat next to him, an arm slung casually across the back of his chair, and chuckled as he listened to the two Weasleys bicker. Normally their antics amused Harry, never knowing what it was like personally to have a sibling relationship. He found it fascinating how one minute they could be calling each other names and screaming at each other, and the next pulling a wand and threatening to hex someone who so much as looked at their sibling wrong.
"Take it back!" Ginny seethed.
"No!" Ron snapped, sitting up a little straighter. "Gwenog Jones is overrated. Prove me wrong."
Harry glanced up at Ginny, looking at her through his eyelashes. Her eyes flashed dangerously and he had no doubt that if Mrs Weasley wasn't behind them at the sink washing dishes that Ginny would have had bogeys flying out of Ron's nose by now.
"Just look at her record-breaking stats!" Ginny shouted, rising from her seat.
Mrs Weasley huffed. "Ginny, sit down!"
"Luck," Ron challenged with a smug smirk.
Ginny looked ready to rage, her chest heaving. Harry only looked back down at his tea. How could they act like everything was normal? Like he had not been possessed two days ago and threatened Ginny? They continued to talk and laugh and be around him. It was by no choice of Harry's. He couldn't get away, not with Sirius adamant about being his shadow or with the damn bracelet around his wrist. Harry wanted to scream.
"Enough! Ginevra! I will take that wand and you will not see it until two seconds before you step onto that train back to Hogwarts!" Mrs Weasley shouted. "Honestly, it's just Quidditch."
Sirius let out a bark-like laugh. "Merlin, Molly, you can't say that to people like them."
Molly huffed. "People are dying and they're ready to hex one another over Glenda Tomes."
"Gwenog Jones, Mum!" Ginny shouted in exasperation. "How do you not know who she is?"
"Because I don't care to, dear," Molly replied. "Now, can I trust you two won't kill one another if I go read in the parlor?"
Ron chuckled. "Yeah, because I'm going to bed. I'm knackered. You coming, Harry?"
Harry shook his head, not bothering to look up. "Nah, I'm not tired."
There was no doubt in Harry's mind that everyone around him was exchanging concerned looks. At this point, Harry didn't even care. He was used to it. Sirius clapped a hand on his neck, giving him a squeeze.
"I'll join you, Molly. I haven't done the crossword yet," Sirius said, his hand leaving Harry. "When's Arthur home tonight?"
A beat passed. "Who knows. Kingsley apparently found some hexed Muggle objects during a raid of one of the Lestrange residences."
"Oh? Which one?" Sirius asked in anything but a casual tone.
"Let it go, Sirius," Molly said in a low voice. "She'll get what's coming to her."
Harry glanced up to look at Mrs Weasley shooting Sirius a sympathetic look. Sirius sighed as he rose from the table, his head shaking.
Sirius' jaw tightened before he looked down at Harry. "I'll be in the parlor. Come get me before you go to bed. All right?"
Harry just nodded, not feeling like talking. Slowly, people started filing out of the kitchen. Everyone except for Ginny. She sat stubbornly across from him and Harry didn't really think he should be alone with her after what had happened the last time he had been possessed. Perhaps, it would be best if he just went to bed with Ron. Sitting his tea down on the table, he pushed his chair back.
"Are you leaving?" Ginny asked.
"I think I'll go to bed," he replied, not looking at her.
Ginny huffed. "You do that."
Harry stiffened at her cool tone and looked up at her. "What? Is it a crime to go to bed?"
"If you're doing it for my benefit, then don't," Ginny replied, leaning back in her chair. "I'm not some pathetic little girl who needs some noble wizard protecting her."
Harry just stared at her, his anger spiking. How could she sit there and say that to him? He had seen her after his possession, the way she had trembled and how the tears had burned her eyes. He had reduced her to that, had broken her normally cool and composed exterior. Now, she just sat there and pretended like it had never happened… like she hadn't been scared of him.
"I was possessed. Not once, but twice in the span of two weeks," Harry spat, his fingers curling around the back of the chair he had just vacated.
Ginny had the gall to laugh. "I was possessed for an entire bloody year, Harry. I know how it feels. I know that it wasn't you."
"You were scared of me!" Harry shouted.
Ginny shook her head. "I was not, so you can just stop building a false narrative in your head."
"A false narrative?" Harry repeated, his mouth gaping open.
She arched an eyebrow at him. "I was shocked and scared that Tom possessed you. It unnerved me when he talked about how I was special. It brought back memories I don't like to think about. But not once was I ever scared of you. If anything, I was scared for you, not because of you. So, please, don't use my reaction to what happened as a basis for why you need to withdraw yourself from everyone and talk to no one."
Harry's jaw clenched. "I could have hurt you."
"No, you couldn't have because that wasn't you," Ginny argued. "The moment you came to your senses, I was relieved. I was happy you were yourself again."
"If I'm around you when I'm possessed, I can't help it if I want to hurt you," Harry replied, his fingers aching from how tightly they gripped the back of the chair. "I shouldn't be around anyone until I master Occlumency."
Ginny shook her head. "No, I'm certain you wouldn't have hurt me. It was in your eyes. They flickered like you saw me. Like you knew it was me. You wouldn't hurt anyone, even possessed. You were fighting it even if you can't remember any of it. I saw it."
Harry swallowed, wanting so badly to believe what Ginny was telling him was true. "I would never be able to forgive myself if I hurt you. Or anyone I… that I… care about."
Ginny's face softened at the words. She rose from her chair and rounded the table. He couldn't move as his eyes followed her movements. Harry wanted nothing more than to melt in her arms, to seek the comfort he so desperately needed for the past two days that he had denied himself while he sulked in his room for most of the day and night. He only came out to eat and practice Occlumency. She stopped next to him, the back of her hand brushing his cheek. He leaned into the touch, a lump lodging in his throat.
"You need to stop worrying about what ifs," Ginny whispered. "Everyone in this house cares about you as much as you care about them."
"What if I hurt someone?" he asked in a small voice.
"Then nobody would fault you, because it wasn't you," Ginny stressed. "We would still want to be around you, to help you. None of us are going anywhere, Harry. It's high time you understood that."
Harry searched her eyes, seeing nothing but sincerity behind her words. His eyes dropped down to her lips, his gaze focusing on the cluster of three freckles on her bottom lip.
She took a step closer to him. "You make me feel safe, Harry. I feel like Tom can't touch me when you're around, because you wouldn't allow it. I think so often about you looking down at me on the floor of the Chamber covered in blood and dirt. You smiled at me, do you remember? You smiled and you were dying and in pain. Then Fawkes came and he healed you and I felt like I could breathe for the first time in nearly a year. And I-"
Before Harry could think, before he could stop himself, his hand cupped her cheek. He bent down, his lips crashing against hers. She tasted like strawberry and treacle tart, her lips slightly sticky from her lip gloss or from the tart she ate earlier. Either way, Harry didn't care because her soft lips moved against his, her hand snaking around the back of his neck. Her sweet breath sent a tingle down his spine when her lips parted to deepen the kiss. Harry's knees grew weak in a way he had never experienced before.
Kissing Ginny was better than he had imagined. All of the fear and anxiety and depression he felt over the past two days seemed to seep from his pores. He felt like he was flying and nobody would be able to touch him, not with Ginny by his side. A calmness washed over him as Ginny leaned into him, her chest pressing against his as her hands tangled in his hair. Her fingers tickled against his skull, causing his entire body to tingle and spark.
The world stilled around them, like the earth ceased to spin as his tongue glided across hers. He never wanted to stop kissing her, wanted to mold himself against her forever. He felt invincible, unstoppable. Harry moaned when her teeth captured his bottom lip, gently pulling it for a split second as they parted.
Her breath came out in harsh huffs, a smile tugging on her lips as she looked up at him. Harry couldn't help but grin back, a rush of feelings surging through him. Feelings that he had never felt before and couldn't even begin to label. His chest expanded like a bright sun growing hotter inside of him.
"You make me…" Harry swallowed, not knowing how to accurately describe to Ginny his emotions. "You make me feel happy and I don't worry as much around you and I… I like you."
Ginny cupped his cheeks with her hands, her smiling blinding. "I like you too. You make me feel safe and warm. I just want to be around you all the time, because you make me happy too."
Harry let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. "Do you, err…"
Be my girlfriend, sounded so lame. But that's what he wanted. He wanted her to be his partner, someone he can go to when he desperately needed it without fear of ridicule or being dismissed. He wanted to hold her, to embrace her, to kiss her. He wanted her to be his as much as he was hers.
"Yes," Ginny breathed, her hands sliding down his face to rest on his shoulders. "A million times yes."
Harry grinned, his hand brushing a strand of red hair behind her ear. His gaze caught sight of the silver bracelet on his wrist and his mood deflated instantly. What was he doing? He couldn't date her and put her at risk.
"Don't," Ginny whispered, her fingers tugging his face to look at her. "You won't hurt me, I promise you. You will master Occlumency and the possessions will stop. Staying apart only hurts us both more. I know how to help you overcome a possession. I've done it twice. I know what to do because it happened to me."
Harry nodded as he stared into her warm eyes. There was no fear or hesitation in her gaze, just a fierce determination. For the first time since the possessions started, he felt like he could stop them with Ginny by his side. Maybe he could master Occlumency, not just for himself but for her as well.
"You can accomplish it, Harry," Ginny continued, sounding so sure of herself and instilling confidence in him. "I know you can."
Harry swallowed, feeling her comfort wash over him. "Gin…"
Ginny shook her head, her lips twitching. "Shut up and kiss me, all right?"
Harry grinned, both his hands cupping her face as he leaned in close. This time, he took his time as he wanted to savor the kiss. Kissing Ginny was complete and utter bliss. He never wanted the moment to end. At the same time, he felt more than ready to try Occlumency again with his newfound confidence courtesy of his girlfriend. Harry smiled against her lips.
His girlfriend. The very thought made him happier than he could ever remember being.
Ginny woke up, rolling onto her back to stare up at her ceiling. The previous night had been… magical. Harry had kissed her not once, not twice, but three times. The first had been desperate, like she had been water he had found after roaming a desert for hours. The second had been slow and tender, like they were exploring each other in ways they had never before. The last one had been a quick goodnight peck before they had disappeared into their separate bedrooms.
She was Harry Potter's girlfriend. A smile crossed her lips as her limbs hit the bed in delight. She wanted to scream in excitement, do a little dance or jump up and down. Harry was her boyfriend. Her boyfriend. It seemed so surreal that she was almost worried it was a dream. Harry had noticed her after years of her pining, years of her trying to pretend like she didn't have feelings for him, years of convincing herself that Harry wasn't that kind or funny or handsome.
She knew she would have to send Demelza a letter, as well as Gemma and Niamh. They would absolutely have her head if she didn't contact them right away with the news. They had waited with bated breath for the two of them to start dating. They had even taken bets. Ginny would be curious to find out who won. She'd write them later. Right now, she was too excited to see him.
Ginny got ready for the day quickly before she made her way down to the kitchen. She pushed open the door and instantly regretted it when she saw Harry on the floor, his chest heaving and sweat running down his face. Sirius loomed above him, reaching out a hand for him.
"You have to feel nothing. Not just your senses, but quite frankly no emotions either," Sirius explained as Harry grabbed his hand. "Emotions can be powerful and useful. But in this case, they are a weakness to have."
Once Harry was on his feet, Sirius gripped his shoulder and offered him a smile. Ginny felt out of place, like she shouldn't be there. She glanced quickly at the clock on the wall to see it was only seven in the morning. Perhaps, she should have slept in. Sirius and Harry turned towards her and she winced.
"I'm sorry," Ginny said in a rush. "I didn't know you two were training."
"It's fine," Harry replied, his hand waving. "You can see just how dreadful I am at this."
Sirius sighed. "You're not dreadful, Harry. You just need to… feel less."
"I don't know how to feel less," Harry argued, his jaw clenching. "I can't just shut down."
Sirius stole a quick glance at Ginny before focusing on Harry. "Look, you remember that memory you saw when I was thirteen? I had to shut down to escape. I had to stop feeling to escape. I couldn't let my family pull me under anymore. I had to stop being so compliant or else I was going to end up just like them. That's how I did it, how I built the walls. I realized that if I didn't separate my emotions and feelings for them that I would never be able to leave them. I had to leave behind even the family that was good to me, like Regulus. He was pulling me down, a weight on my ankles. I needed to escape or else."
Harry looked down at his hands, his brows furrowing low beneath his glasses.
"You need to shut down so he doesn't hurt you or the people you love," Sirius whispered, his hand cupping Harry's face. "It's imperative."
"I don't want to stop feeling," Harry admitted. "I don't know how."
Sirius smiled tightly. "It's not a matter of not feeling, per se, Harry. I still feel. I look at you and I feel an overwhelming amount of love. It's just hard for me to show it all the time. It's there, no matter what, but it's buried, you see."
Harry screwed his eyes shut. "I don't know how to do that. I… never mind."
"What?" Sirius pressed.
"Nothing," Harry insisted with a heavy sigh. "It's nothing."
Harry looked lost and just plain tired. Ginny crossed the room towards them. Reaching out a hand, she gave Harry's palm a squeeze and smiled up at him.
"You can do this," Ginny assured him. "You can snap out of the Imperius Curse. You can block your mind."
"It's different, Ginny," Harry argued, his thumb brushing against her knuckles. "I know when I'm under the Imperius. I know when I'm being forced to do things I don't want to do. This is different… this is, it's…" Harry let out a frustrated sigh, his head shaking.
"I understand, Harry," Ginny whispered. "Possession is different. You wake up with no recollection of what happened or what you did or where you were. After what happened in the Chamber, I just wanted to be normal. I didn't want people to view me differently or to be upset and scared all the time. I put on a smile and I joked around with my friends. I just put it out of my mind and tried not to think about it. It was hard at first, but it got easier with time. I think Demelza is the only one who can tell when I'm feeling a bit off. She saw the brunt of the possession, talked to him when he was controlling me. I think it's a bit like that. It's hard at first to build those walls, but it gets easier with time. The people you're closest with, we'll still be able to see your true feelings because we know you. You won't lose yourself."
Harry let out a breath and nodded. "I just wish this was easier."
"I wish it was too," Ginny admitted, her eyes searching his. "You'll get there, Harry. I know it."
"I need to get there now," Harry replied, his fingers tightening around her hand.
"You have made leaps and bounds, Harry," Sirius interjected. "You are able to stop your memories quicker and quicker. We just need to work on closing your mind at all times. We're halfway there."
Harry shook his head, his gaze meeting Sirius'. "It's not happening fast enough."
"It's been two weeks," Sirius argued. "Not even, in fact. The progress you've made so far is encouraging."
"He could be watching right now and I don't even know it!" Harry protested.
Sirius sighed. "Maybe. Maybe not. I don't know how to detect that. Only Dumbledore does."
Ginny turned to Sirius. "Can I help somehow? I mean, maybe if Harry breaks into my mind than he can see the other side of it and it'll help him understand how he needs to close his."
Sirius laughed, his head shaking. "Yeah, that's not going to happen especially without your parents' consent. I'm not sure that will help matters any."
"Let him break into yours then," Ginny argued.
Sirius smiled tightly. "It doesn't work that way, Ginny. I'd have to be pissed or extremely tired for my natural defenses to come down. Besides, I don't see how that would help him."
Harry let out a humorless laugh, his hand slipping from Ginny's. He turned to face Sirius.
"Can we go again? I just need to figure it out on my own," Harry said, sounding just so bloody exhausted that Ginny's heart physically ached. "The more I do it, the better I'll get. Right?"
Sirius blinked at him. "It certainly doesn't hurt."
Ginny took a step back to give them space. She wanted to say something, anything that may help, but she came up empty. There was zero advice she could give and she hated that realization.
"I'll give you two some privacy," Ginny said as Harry turned to look at her. "You can do this, Harry. You just have to believe it."
Harry nodded, offering her a weak smile. Ginny wanted nothing more than to kiss him in that moment, but she didn't dare to. They hadn't the opportunity to tell anyone they were dating yet, or to even discuss what they would say.
"Thanks, Gin," Harry replied.
Walking out of the kitchen, Ginny heard Harry tell Sirius he was ready to try again. She didn't know what happened as she dashed up the stairs to the ground floor. It seemed impossibly unfair and cruel that Harry had to put up with so much. She just wanted something to be easy for him.
Making her way upstairs to her room, she decided to write her letters to her friends before asking Ron to borrow Pigwidgeon. Sitting down at the desk, she pulled three pieces of parchment out and dipped her quill. Pursing her lips to the right, she wrote the same seven words on each bit of parchment.
June seventeenth. Who won?
Much love, Ginny
Sealing the letters neatly, she wrote their names on the outside of the parchment and set them aside. Leaning back in her chair, her thoughts lingered to what was happening in the kitchen once more. There had to be a way she could help him. She wouldn't rest until she did.
Hope you enjoyed the latest chapter and Harry being so enthralled with Ginny that he can't help but kiss her in the middle of an argument/fall out of an argument. He is so head over heels! Luckily, I was allowed to respond to reviews this week! I'm sorry I never went back last week. I didn't know where I left off or what ones even sent. It was a bad week, but I'm back to responding to reviews!
Special thanks to Bell for being an amazing editor!