"Brumous"
"Chapter Thirty: Walburga Black's Secret"
Remus sat in the armchair, his knees bouncing as he watched Nymphadora read her werewolf book by Rupert Kent. She looked like she was only a couple of chapters away from being finished. She had read it every single night, asking him questions occasionally. Some of the questions, Remus didn't even know the answers to which was somewhat embarrassing since he had been a werewolf since he was four years old.
Lolling his head back against the sofa, Remus slid his eyes closed. He found that he couldn't concentrate on anything. Remus had agreed to take Marlene over to her and Sirius' old cottage to see if anything sparked her memory. While Remus had taken things from the cottage to give her in the past, she had yet to actually go there. Somehow, Remus had been roped into taking her instead of Sirius.
Sirius had given Remus and Marlene permission to go. He seemed rather uninterested in ever going to the cottage with or without Marlene. Of course, Sirius only gave the go-ahead if Remus took her and he had nothing to do with the place. He also said that Marlene could take anything she wanted, said he didn't want anything in that house unless it was something dealing with Harry like a photo or a scribbled drawing. Remus had no doubt that Sirius was expecting him to grab anything Harry related when he was over there.
There was a knock on the door and Remus jumped up. Nymphadora arched an eyebrow at him. He didn't know why he was so jittery about going over to the cottage. He had gone with Nymphadora months ago. But for some reason, actually going with Marlene seemed different. What if she asked him questions he couldn't answer? Afterall, 1980 to 1981 were strained for Sirius and Remus – that was putting it mildly.
Wiping a hand down his face, he opened the door to see Marlene looking equally as nervous. She embraced Remus and he returned the hug. Pulling away, he noticed Nymphadora step up and pull Marlene into another hug. Hers was far less stiff and more familiar. Remus was quite certain that Nymphadora felt at ease around everyone.
"How's teaching at Hogwarts?" Nymphadora asked. "I was hearing good things about you a couple of days ago during my patrol."
Marlene laughed as the two pulled away from one another. "I know you're supposed to be working while patrolling the castle, but I could join you sometime. The professors were asked to take on extra patrols as well. I find myself wandering around more days than not, trying to remember something from my school days."
"Have you?" Remus asked as he reached for his jacket on the hook by the front door.
Marlene shrugged. "I don't know. It's all murky. I remembered something the other night while on a patrol, but then I got called Bella and not Marlene in the memory. It's all very confusing. Almost like the two sets of memories are merged together? I don't know, maybe."
Nymphadora glanced over at Remus for a brief moment before she turned her attention back to Marlene. "Well, what was the memory? Could Remus help separate it?"
Marlene shook her head. "It was something with Sirius and Lily. Remus wasn't there."
"Have you asked Sirius?" Nymphadora pressed.
Remus frowned. He doubted that Sirius would sit down for an extended period of time and detangle the memories in the way she needed. Sirius had been very adamant that he needed to stay away from her for her own safety, especially with Bellatrix on the loose. Remus thought that was a bunch of dragon shit.
"No, I don't think… well, he just doesn't seem too interested in talking in length," Marlene replied, her hand waving. "It's fine. I'll figure it out."
"I'll talk to him," Nymphadora said in a confident tone.
"Dora," Remus warned in a low tone.
Nymphadora snapped her attention to him. "Oh, come on, Remus! You can't think that Sirius is being reasonable at all about any of this!"
Remus sucked in a breath and held it for a few moments, gathering his thoughts. "Sirius has a lot of… issues he has to work out himself. Besides, it's October. You're not going to be able to reason with him right now."
"Why does October matter?" Nymphadora asked, her brow furrowing.
While Nymphadora had seen her fair share of Sirius drunk off his fucking arse last year at Grimmauld Place, October wasn't particularly worse than any other month because he was barely sober while locked up in his parents' old house. Sirius drank like a fucking fish night after night as soon as Harry had gone back to Hogwarts. Nymphadora shared quite a few drunken nights with Sirius and Remus, probably oblivious that October was harder than the rest of the months.
"Take your pick, Dora," Remus started, his shoulders shrugging. "It's the month he declined to be James and Lily's Secret Keeper, it's the month they died, it's the month he left Harry, it's the month his life ended as he knew it."
Marlene wrapped her arms around her chest. "So, I shouldn't try to contact him until November?"
Remus winced. "Honestly, I'd wait until after his birthday on the third of November. He hates his birthday."
Nymphadora blinked. "Why? He seemed fine on his birthday last year."
"Dora, the three of us were too drunk to even remember his birthday last year," Remus reasoned.
Nymphadora's face pulled. "Oh, yeah, now that you mention it, I suppose we were," she agreed as she reached for her leather jacket that Sirius had bought her for her birthday over the summer. "I think I remember more of his birthday than I do Halloween. Halloween was… bloody hell, that was a night. I was never so sick in my life before."
Remus frowned, a rock settling on his chest. "Yeah, neither one of us like Halloween very much," he mumbled before turning his attention back to Marlene. "Anyway, we should go before it gets dark."
The trio made their way out of the flat and down a block towards the Apparition point. Once hidden from prying eyes, Remus Apparated all of them to Black Cottage. Remus couldn't help but feel a tad bit paranoid. Death Eaters were no doubt keeping tabs on all known locations that were associated with Order of the Phoenix members. Remus kept his eyes peeled, his neck craning all around and squinting suspiciously at any shadow he saw.
When they slipped into the house, Remus shut the door and sealed it with his wand before turning around to see Marlene standing in the middle of the demolished parlor. Marlene crouched down, her fingers brushing along a quilt ripped to shreds on the floor. Remus couldn't help but wonder if she recognized it.
"Sirius did a number on this place, didn't he?" Nymphadora said as she picked up a broken picture frame with a photo of Sirius and Marlene looking young and so happy together at James and Lily's wedding.
Marlene nodded, her eyes scanning the room. Nymphadora crouched down in front of her, holding out the picture to her. Remus craned his neck to look at it better. Sirius grinned with his gray eyes sparkling – something Remus hadn't seen since they were teenagers. Marlene practically beamed as she looked up at him, her finger bopping him on the nose.
"He destroyed everything that reminded him of you," Remus said in a soft voice. "He was so broken after your death. From what he's said after we reconnected… he said it was the catalyst of him not trusting himself. It was why he turned down being Secret Keeper. The guilt he held for your death, the loss…" he trailed off, heaving a sigh as Marlene looked up at him with tears brimming her eyes. "It was too much for him. Sirius never really practiced healthy coping mechanisms to begin with. Alcohol and withdrawing socially are his go-tos lately."
Marlene's eyes fell back to the picture. "That's why he's not eager to speak with me," she said in a flat tone, her tongue peeking out to moisten her lips. "He's never acted drunk when I've seen him."
"He's stopped drinking since gaining custody of Harry," Remus supplied. "But he'll always find a new addiction because he has a very addictive personality. When we were in school, it was cigarettes and pranks. Then he became obsessed with fixing motorbikes and going out every night on some Order mission. The more dangerous the better. Next it was alcohol. Now it's caffeine and Harry. Sirius chases his demons away by hyper-focusing on things. And I think…" he trailed off, swallowing at a lump in his throat. "I think he doesn't know what to do with you. The guilt and the pain, it's easier to push it down than face it head on."
Marlene sucked in a shuddering breath, her hand wiping away the tears off her face. "That's fucking bullshit. Because I have demons too. He's one of them. And, and I just want my memories back. What if he holds the key and I'll never know who I am because he refuses to help me?"
Remus stepped over a broken lamp, closing the space between them. He crouched down beside her, a hand reaching out to touch her arm. Her shoulders quaked as she leaned into his side, burying her face into the crook of his neck. Her tears tickled his neck as he wrapped his arms more securely around her.
"I've known Sirius a long time," Remus murmured into her hair as her fingers clawed to grip his jacket. "The one thing I know is that when he runs, you need to keep on his bloody arse. You can't stop until he's forced to face what he's running from. James was exceedingly good at pestering him, at never letting him fall into a pit of self-pity and wallowing. I've noticed the past couple of years I'm shit at it. I think I'm so scared of angering him that I keep my mouth shut more often than not. But I'll try to be better. I'll help you, Marlene, I promise, I'll be better at knocking sense in him."
Remus would. Not just for Marlene's sake but for Sirius' sake as well. They both deserved so much more than what they had. Sirius hadn't given up on Remus when he was pushing Nymphadora and Harry away. Sirius made him feel seen, made him feel like he was worthy of accepting Nymphadora's love and being a figure in Harry's life. Remus was happier than he had been in a very, very, very long fucking time.
Remus wanted Sirius to be happy too. Because if anyone deserved some happiness, it was Sirius. He had been through hell and back more times than Remus could count. He needed to help pull Sirius out of the sea he was slowly but surely drowning in.
On Friday after classes, Harry made his way to Professor Dumbledore's office to meet up with Sirius to catch the Portkey to France. He hiked the duffel up on his shoulder as he turned the corner to see Sirius standing beside the gargoyle statue. His eyes were closed, his head resting against the stone wall. There was a bag by his feet.
Harry closed the space between them. Sirius must have heard him because he rolled his head to the side and opened his eyes. A small smile of greeting graced Sirius' face.
"Hey, kid," Sirius greeted, kicking off the wall before bending down to grab his own duffel. "You ready?"
"Yeah," Harry replied.
Sirius gave the password to the gargoyle and they made their way towards the office. The door was already open for them and Professor Dumbledore stood with Hestia Jones, chatting and smiling.
"Sirius, Harry, welcome," Professor Dumbledore greeted them. "I daresay this is much easier and quicker than going through the Portkey Office. I was once stuck in the Berlin Portkey Office for nine hours. Did you know there are 654 floor tiles on the floor of the Portkey Office there? Unless they have updated it since I was there last a good fifty years ago."
Harry let out a small chuckle, his head turning to see Sirius was only looking at the ceiling. There was no smile or an acknowledgment on his face. Sirius' eyes dropped and glanced over at Hestia.
"Thanks for doing this again, Hestia," Sirius said.
Hestia smiled. "It's not a problem at all. Makes me feel useful. Your Portkey from Paris leaves at five in the afternoon on Sunday. It was the only time I could secure last minute."
"Joys," Sirius replied in a dry tone.
"Minerva will meet you at six in her office to sign Harry back in," Professor Dumbledore said, handing Sirius a piece of parchment. "I trust that will be enough time in case you are delayed. Unless you would like later?"
"Six is fine. Thank you," Sirius replied as he signed his name on the sign-out sheet before handing it back to the headmaster.
Hestia gestured towards a cracked glass vase that was an ugly yellow color. Sirius stepped up to grab it and Harry followed suit. His shoulder pressed against Sirius' as he sucked in a breath. Hestia counted down and then they were pulled away from Dumbledore's office as the Paris Portkey Office swirled around them.
Sirius spoke fast French, his tone snappy and irritated, as he handed over their international papers. Harry just shifted, looking around the room as he waited. When they were cleared to leave, Sirius wrapped an arm around Harry's shoulders and pulled him close as they walked. Harry didn't really think there were any Death Eaters waiting for them outside the Paris Ministry of Magic, but Harry kept his tongue. He was used to Sirius' paranoia by now.
After a quick Apparition and short walk, they arrived at the Black Villa. Harry couldn't help the smile from quirking on his lips as he set his duffel down by the staircase.
"Happy to be back?" Sirius asked, tossing his bag onto a table.
Harry turned to look at him. "I liked it better when it was warm and sunny."
Sirius snorted. "Yeah, me too. You know, when I was… fuck, maybe six or seven, we spent Christmas here. Walburga complained the entire time because she had to cancel her Christmas Eve party."
"Why did you come then?" Harry asked.
Sirius shrugged his shoulders. "Some French Ministry event that Orion was invited to. It was nice, though. Uncle Alphard came along and watched us when they were at the event. I didn't even have to see Bellatrix which was lovely. We never got along."
"I wish I could have met your Uncle Alphard," Harry admitted. "You talk about him a lot."
Harry felt like there was an endless list of people he would have liked to meet but would never be able to.
Sirius nodded, collapsing down onto the sofa and stretching his long legs out onto the coffee table. "I probably would have only been in Azkaban for a matter of months if he was alive. He would have come to see me, asked me what happened. I would have told him to grab you, that's for fucking sure," he said, his hands scrubbing over his face. "He definitely would have secured me a trial. He had a way of solving problems, you know?"
Harry didn't know, but he assumed Sirius was right. Uncle Alphard had helped Sirius escape his awful family. Perhaps he could have changed both of their lives too if he had been alive. Harry crossed the room and sat in the chair perpendicular to Sirius.
Sirius seemed quieter than normal. Usually, he was asking Harry all sorts of questions about school, Quidditch, or his friends. Sometimes they just talked about everything and anything. But tonight, Sirius seemed perfectly content just to sit in silence. He just seemed more on edge, like he had been when he had first found out that Marlene was alive and before he told Harry about it.
"So, for tomorrow, Cepheus' knowledge about Regulus and the Black family is very limited. He doesn't know Regulus was a Death Eater," Sirius explained, his hands folding in his lap. "Nor does he know about the Lestranges or the Malfoys."
Harry nodded, a frown tugging on his features. "So we're just going to lie to him about his family?"
"It's not our call or our place to tell him," Sirius replied with a sigh. "I'm not his father or his guardian. Charlotte makes those decisions."
Harry swallowed, an uneasiness rising in the pit of his stomach. "Right."
Sirius sighed, shifting on the sofa. "Look, Harry, parents make all sorts of decisions for their kids. Some of those decisions aren't popular with the kids, but we always have our reasons."
"I'm not a kid," Harry snapped. "Neither is Cepheus for that matter! He deserves to know about his dad! The good, bad, and the ugly."
"I'm not saying I disagree with you, but that's not our decision to make," Sirius argued, his jaw tightening. "Just for the record, you and Cepheus are kids. You're sixteen years old."
Harry turned to face his godfather fully, his body tense. "The Dursleys told me my dad was a drunk and killed him and Mum in a drunk driving accident and that's how I got my scar. I believed them because nobody else was around to tell me anything different. Then, when I arrived at Hogwarts, I heard a completely different story about them. How they were heroes. Or, I get told stories of how my dad strutted around the castle and was awful to people."
Sirius let out a huff of air, the color draining from his face. "The Dursleys are fucking wankers," he snapped, his head shaking. "And you saw one memory from fucking Snape and you believe him over me? He was sixteen, Harry."
"I'm sixteen!" Harry protested. "I would never do that!"
"I've shown you memories of the real him," Sirius argued, his body tense.
"You've showed me memories from when I was a baby," Harry retorted. "You never show me what he was like as a teenager."
Sirius licked his bottom lip, his head bobbing. "Yeah, you want to see him as a teenager? You want to see Peter too, being his friend and knowing he'll betray him? Betray us all? You want to see the Slytherins in the corridors spewing slurs at all the Muggleborns? You want to see your dad get angry and hex them for being fucking wankers? Do you want to see me as a cocky little shit who was lost and anxious all the fucking time because that's how my family made me feel? Always waiting for the next punishment to drop or the next time I'd be forced to dine with Voldemort with some fake smile on my face? Do you want to see James and I just try to have a good laugh in the midst of all the fucking darkness surrounding us?"
Harry's heart pounded against his ribcage as he listened to Sirius.
"I show you times when you were a baby because that's who we were, those are the people we grew up to be," Sirius continued, his head shaking. "James and I were berks as kids. Arguably, I was probably way worse than James ever was. So is that how you see me now? As some fucking arsehole?"
Harry shook his head, annoyed by the questions because of course he didn't think that about Sirius. "No."
"If you won't judge me for being a berk, then why do you judge your dad?" Sirius pressed.
The question made Harry pause. He didn't quite know why. Perhaps it was because he could only see Dudley in his dad, egged on by his friends. The entire memory had made him feel sorry for Snape. That definitely wasn't a feeling he was comfortable having towards a man who found it perfectly acceptable to bully teenagers he had authority over.
But Harry had also seen James as a father in recent months. He had heard the man trying to protect his family right before he had sacrificed his own life. Harry really wanted to just see his father as the man he was when he died. But sometimes, well, sometimes Harry couldn't help the memory he saw creeping up from the back of his mind. The visual really messed with his head.
Quite honestly, Harry knew Sirius. His godfather had protected him, cared for him, and loved him. Sure, Sirius could be quite grumpy or snappy towards others, but Sirius wasn't that way with him. Maybe Sirius was right. He was judging his father on the kid he had been, not the adult he had grown up to be. Harry, without question, judged Sirius on the man he was and not the kid he had been.
Harry searched Sirius' eyes, his brows tugging down low. "Because I know you. And, and you're not like that," he said, his shoulders shrugging.
"I think a lot of people would disagree with you," Sirius whispered. "A lot of people don't like me, Harry. Honestly, I don't have the patience or the will to be kind to a lot of people. I've lived a long life where I've been let down and disappointed at every single turn. The difference between James and me is that James was genuinely kind to people. He actually cared about people. The only time he was ever unkind to someone was when they were unkind first. James didn't tolerate slurs or meanness or any of that bullshit. Me? Well, there's a select few people I genuinely love and the rest can go fuck off and leave me be."
Harry only nodded, his chest twisting something awful. He hated the thought that so many people disliked Sirius for stupid reasons. But they were getting off topic. They were supposed to be talking about whether or not they should be lying to Cepheus tomorrow, which was something Harry didn't want to do.
"Sirius, I just… I feel uncomfortable lying to Cepheus," Harry said in a soft voice, his face pulling. "What I was trying to say is that I know what it's like to be lied to and I hated it."
"I understand that. I hate it as well," Sirius admitted. "I want to get to know my nephew, not fucking lie to him. But Charlotte is his mother. As a fellow parent, I respect her decision. And I ask you, as my son, to respect my wishes."
Harry stared at Sirius, not even knowing what to say or even what to think. He didn't want to lie to anyone about a past they craved information about. Sirius just didn't get it. Even after he tried to explain it, Sirius seemed clueless why it was important not to lie to someone about their father. Harry couldn't help but feel even after all the stories and memories he had seen, he didn't really know James and Lily. Just like Cepheus would never truly know Regulus.
Despite hearing conflicting stories and having a muddled perception of his dad in his head, Harry liked that better than having no information. James Potter seemed more real knowing all the different sides of him in a way Lily Potter didn't. For the only bad things he had heard about Lily had been through Aunt Petunia (who couldn't be trusted to tell the truth about the weather). Everyone else seemed to praise her. That wasn't always the case with James. Cepheus deserved to know all the different sides to Regulus so that he could be real and not some figment of his imagination.
"He deserves to know," Harry replied in a stubborn tone.
Sirius kept Harry's gaze. "He does, but, Harry, this is Charlotte's decision. She could make it so we never see him again. You may not care about that, but I do. So I would hope you would care because I do."
Harry nodded, not able to speak. He didn't mean to argue with Sirius. In fact, he could feel the knots coil in his stomach, thinking that somehow he had damaged their relationship. But Sirius offered him a tiny smile. A small bit of comfort washed over him.
"I do care because you do," Harry said in a soft voice. "It's why I came with you."
Sirius nodded. "My family is your family, all right? Just like your family is my family. We've been family since the day you were born. You've always been my number one concern."
"I just… I know how it feels to be lied to," Harry stressed again, trying one more time to get through to his godfather. "I don't want to lie to him."
"I know, all right?" Sirius assured him. "I'm sure eventually the truth will come out. It has to. But I can understand why Charlotte wants to keep that under wraps with Voldemort still out there. If Voldemort found out Cepheus exists, he may very well want to hunt him down."
Harry's eyes searched Sirius' grim face. "To kill him?"
"To claim him," Sirius corrected. "Voldemort thinks he owns the Black family. He's always had an odd obsession with all of us for reasons I can't even begin to explain because I don't fully understand it myself. My family tried everything to get me to join him. I told you before that Voldemort wanted me to join willingly, which is something else I don't understand because Voldemort never shied away from using the Imperius Curse or hoodwinking people into joining him."
"Shouldn't he know that? In case Voldemort finds out about him?" Harry asked.
Sirius only sighed, gesturing for Harry to join him on the sofa. Harry made his way over, sitting next to his godfather. He drew his leg up so he could face him on the sofa and Sirius mirrored him.
"You know, Dumbledore convinced me not to tell you about the prophecy for the longest time even though I wanted to. I shouldn't have listened to him, but I didn't have custody of you yet and I was afraid of stepping on his toes and seeing you even less than I already was," Sirius explained, his hands reaching up to cup Harry's face. "It was Dumbledore who pointed me in the direction of the cave during the Triwizard Tournament. I suggested Grimmauld Place to Dumbledore for the possibility that we could secure it enough for you to come stay with me. I didn't… I didn't want him to separate us so I kept my mouth shut and I followed orders. I hated every single second of it. And I agree with you. Cepheus should know. But, Harry, Cepheus is neither my kid nor my godson. I have zero responsibility over him now or ever, not like I have with you. So the same fears I had about being separated from you, well, they're even more of a possibility with my nephew."
Harry couldn't even stomach the thought of Sirius not being in his life for the past couple of years. He didn't know how he would have survived the summer and the possessions without Sirius by his side. Even now, Sirius was doing more than anyone else had ever done to prepare him to fight in the war.
"I wouldn't have let Dumbledore separate us," Harry whispered, though he didn't know what he could have done short of running away, which wasn't an unappealing thought because the summer before third year had been his favorite summer ever until he stayed with Sirius.
Sirius offered him a strained smile, his thumbs brushing against Harry's cheekbones. "It doesn't matter now because I have custody and I'm not going to do anything stupid to wind up losing custody."
Harry nodded. "Are you nervous about tomorrow? Is that why you've been… distant?" he asked, wincing. "I just mean, you seem… distracted half the time. Like you don't want to talk. If you'd rather do this without me, I didn't have to come. You don't have to worry about leaving me behind. I get if you wanted to do this alone, is all I'm saying."
Sirius blinked at him. "I just have a lot on my mind right now. It's not…" he sighed, his hands dropping from Harry's face. "It's not you, all right? I need you to know that, because I know I used to worry myself ragged whenever an adult around me was upset. I couldn't help but think that I did something to anger them, you know? I walked on eggshells around Walburga and Orion, and I unconsciously did the same thing with Fleamont and Euphemia whenever they seemed upset despite proving they were nothing like the Blacks. So, it's nothing to do with you. It's just an accumulation of a bunch of shit, okay?"
The knot in Harry's stomach eased just a tad, but not entirely. "Sorry."
Sirius waved him off. "Forget about it. I'm happy you're here, okay? You should be here. Because, like it or not, the Blacks are your family too. I know that's a depressing thought, but I can't help who I am."
Harry chuckled, the knot untying completely. "There's a couple of Blacks I like," he said with a soft smile as he thought of the Tonks family. "Though, if you wanted to stop by Grimmauld Place and blast the Malfoys off the tapestry, I'd be okay with that."
Sirius let out a bark-like laugh, the wrinkles stemming from the corners of his eyes becoming more prominent. "I can add your picture underneath my scorch mark if you like."
"Only if I get to personally blast Draco Malfoy off it," Harry added.
"As long as I get to personally take care of his dad's ugly fucking cunt face, I'll agree," Sirius replied.
Harry squinted at Sirius, his face pulling. "Why do you hate Lucius Malfoy so much? I mean, I know he's awful. But it seems more, I don't know, personal I guess when you talk about him."
Sirius sighed, his arms crossing over his chest. "Well, he seemed to think that he owned Regulus and I. He liked to assert his control over us, like we belonged to him in some sick sort of way. He's punished both of us when we were younger, like he had any authority over us. He's a cockwombling fucker."
Harry shook his head. "Doesn't really surprise me. I've seen the way he treats people that he thinks are beneath him. I mean, he gave Ginny the diary."
Sirius nodded. "Yeah, well, that should tell you all you need to know about him. Though I doubt he knew what it was. Dumbledore doesn't think so either. I honestly think that only Walburga and probably Bellatrix knew about… you know."
Harry didn't need him to say any more. The thought made him sick to his stomach to know that anyone would split their soul to be immortal. While nobody had gone into detail with him on how a Horcrux was made, his imagination did enough to fill in the blanks.
Clearing his throat, Harry bobbed his head from side to side as an easy smile slid on his face. "Speaking of Walburga… since you adopted me, does that mean I should call Walburga's portrait Grandmum?" he asked, trying to lighten the mood since he was trying really hard to go with the flow of things to keep Sirius happy. Sometimes, he just couldn't control the irritation that sparked deep within him. Even if he didn't agree with Sirius.
Sirius looked like he was broken between laughing and being completely mortified. "Merlin fuck, Harry! She'd probably rise from her fucking tomb to murder you and me."
"Or it may kill the essence of her in the portrait," Harry replied.
"You're a menace, kid, you know that?" Sirius said, reaching out and ruffling Harry's hair.
Harry ducked away from his godfather's hand, leaning away from him. It was a simple gesture. One a father would do to their son. Harry couldn't help but think of James in that moment. Would James have ruffled his hair just like Sirius did? He was told how similar they were. Brothers was the term people used.
Harry swallowed. "I don't hate my dad because of the Snape memory," he said in a soft tone. "You're right. I shouldn't judge him for things I don't judge you on. It's just… it's easier because I get to talk to you and, and I feel like I know you. I just wish I had never gone snooping, you know?"
Sirius' lips pulled into a thin line. "You shouldn't have but I don't blame you for it. I should have done a better job showing you my own memories at the time so you wouldn't have been so tempted," he said with a sigh. "I'll try to show you more younger James memories. Just… don't judge us too harshly, yeah? We really weren't as mature as you are at sixteen."
"I promise," Harry said, really and truly meaning it. "And I do like the toddler me memories too. It's nice to know how we were before everything… well, yeah."
Sirius smiled, yet his features tugged down. "I know. I like them the best. It's why I show you them. It's hard to remember a time when you weren't around," he said as he bobbed his head from side to side. "Want to see a memory before we go to bed? Besides drinking carrot tea, you liked to feed me real blueberries. It was a mess."
"I'd like that."
Sirius led Harry to his Uncle Alphard's old bedroom in the villa where the Pensieve was kept. After extracting the memory, Sirius wrapped an arm around Harry's shoulders and they fell forward.
Harry leaned into Sirius' side, watching his younger self sitting in a high chair. His little legs kicked as he picked up squished up blueberries between his fingers and shoved them against Sirius' lips. James laughed, leaning against the island as he watched the two. Harry already felt better about everything… at least in that moment.
Sirius could remember the last time he had been at Beauxbatons. His parents had debated about sending Sirius and Regulus to the school. Away from Dumbledore's progressive agenda, Orion had said. They had toured the school as a family when he was eleven. But, in the end, he had wound up attending Hogwarts. Sirius was glad for it. He couldn't have imagined his life without James and Remus, and especially Harry.
As odd as it sounded, despite how many regrets he had about the past, he would have lived through them over and over again if that meant he was blessed to be Harry's godfather. Sirius didn't want to even imagine how dark his pathetic life would have been without Harry being around to ground him.
They cut through the luscious grounds, seeing a tall brunette woman standing in front of what appeared to be a very tall hedge. Once they closed the space between them, Sirius reached out a hand to greet her.
"Bonjour," Sirius said with a smile.
"Bonjour," the woman greeted. "Welcome to Beauxbatons Academy of Magic. I am Elodie Lefèvre. I teach Charms here."
"Sirius Black," Sirius greeted, matching her warm smile before turning his attention to Harry. "This is my son Harry Potter."
Harry, always polite, stepped forward and reached out a hand. "Bonjour. It's, uh, thank you for allowing us to come here today."
Elodie raised her eyebrow, the warm smile still dancing on her face. "Non, it is no problem. It is nice when a family reconnects. Monsieur Black is waiting in my office with his mother. Shall I show you?"
"Merci beaucoup," Sirius replied, wrapping an arm around Harry's shoulders as the hedges in front of them parted.
If anyone recognized the pair of them, Sirius couldn't quite tell. A lot of eyes glanced over at them, but he could only hear snippets of the students whispering. The bits and pieces he caught were questions of who they were and speculations. Harry seemed uncomfortable, his body pressing close to Sirius' as he stared at his feet as they walked. Sirius thought that was a shame because the castle was rather magnificent with its stark white walls and intricate golden accents.
When they arrived outside of the office, Elodie opened the door and gestured for them to enter. Sirius stepped inside and immediately felt the air vacate his lungs. His grip tightened around Harry as they moved further into the room, the door closing behind them without a word.
Charlotte looked the same as she had in the picture she had sent him, with her slightly lighter hair and a few wrinkles. Next to her sat a boy who looked painfully like Regulus. Sirius felt like he had slipped into the past. He had the sudden urge to pull the kid into a tight embrace and apologize for being such a shit fucking big brother. He had left Regulus to drown in the Black family madness without batting an eyelid, embracing the warm comfort of the Potters without a second thought.
Except, the kid wasn't Regulus. Regulus was dead. Murdered. Gone forever. This was his kid. His nephew who sat slouched in his chair with his hands wringing in his lap, which is something Regulus never would have done. Blacks had been taught how to sit still and tall. They certainly weren't allowed to fucking fidget.
"Sirius," Charlotte breathed as she rose from her chair, tears brimming her eyes.
She closed the space between them, her arms rising up for an embrace. Sirius gave Harry's shoulder a quick squeeze before he removed his arm from around his godson. He pulled Charlotte into his arms. Her head pressed against his chest and he found his hand automatically tangling in her hair to hold her steady against him. Her shoulders quaked beneath his arms and he tightened his grip just slightly. Sirius opened his mouth to speak but he couldn't find the words.
Sirius hadn't expected such a warm welcome from her. He hadn't seen her really since he was fifteen. He could remember Regulus running around all the boring parties with Charlotte at his side, much like Sirius had run around with Rosamond. Charlotte had always been kind and bubbly, giggling at Regulus' silly jokes. Sirius remembered distinctly the time that Charlotte had fallen out of her chair in a fit of giggles when Sirius had folded a bunch of parchment cranes and sent them to fly around Narcissa's and Malfoy's heads, swooping down to peck at Malfoy while only sitting nicely on Narcissa's shoulders.
"You hug like Regulus," Charlotte whispered in a thick voice as she pulled out of the embrace, her fingers wrapping tightly around his biceps. "He always put his hand on the back of my head and held me close."
Sirius' heart twisted. "It's how Uncle Alphard hugged us," he replied, his voice cracking. "Like he was trying to steady us in this very cruel world."
A tear leaked out of the corner of Charlotte's eye. "I'm really glad you contacted me."
Sirius swallowed at the stubborn lump in his throat. "I'm really glad you responded," he whispered before dropping his voice even lower. "I'm really happy you got out."
Charlotte dropped her hands from Sirius' arms as she pushed up the sleeve of her jumper to reveal nothing but smooth skin. "Regulus made sure I was able to get out."
"How?" Sirius asked in a low voice, his shoulders hunching over. "Why would he be listened to?"
Charlotte blinked at him. "You have to know."
Sirius' brow furrowed. "Know what?"
Charlotte shook her head. "Later."
Sirius nodded, a frown working its way on his face. He was so tired of veiled references about the Black family. He turned around, motioning for Harry to step forward. His godson only looked between Sirius and Charlotte, shifting his weight before he ambled forward. Sirius placed a comforting hand on the back of his neck as he turned to see Cepheus towering over Charlotte.
Cepheus was nearly as tall as Harry, just a smidge shorter. His wide gray eyes looked between Sirius and Harry, his body practically vibrating.
Sirius smiled. "Hi, I guess I'm your uncle. I'm Sirius. Sirius Black," he introduced himself before glancing over at his godson. "This is my son Harry."
Cepheus grinned. "That's brilliant. I gain an uncle and a cousin all in one day? How many people can say that happens to them?"
Charlotte let out a watery laugh. "Hello, Harry, my name is Charlotte," she said in a warm voice as she reached a hand out to touch Harry's arm for a brief moment.
"Hi," Harry greeted, offering one of his shy lopsided smiles.
"So… do you play Quidditch?" Cepheus asked, his gaze locked on Harry.
"Oh, for Merlin sake, Cepheus," Charlotte sighed, though she was beaming up at her son.
Sirius couldn't help but chuckle. Regulus had loved Quidditch. It was his escape from their shit childhood. He said flying always put him at ease, allowed him to breath. Sirius found comfort in arguing with Walburga, telling her how wrong she was to her ruddy face. Everyone dealt with their issues differently, he supposed.
"Seeker, for my house team," Harry replied.
Cepheus' grin widened. "Me too!" he exclaimed, his eyes flickering to look at Sirius. "Did you play, Uncle Sirius? Mum says Dad played Seeker as well."
Sirius shook his head, trying to wrap his brain around being called Uncle Sirius. "Nah, Regulus claimed all the athletic genes in our generation."
Cepheus chuckled, his gray eyes sparkling in a way that reminded Sirius painfully of his brother to the point where he hated himself. Because Cepheus wasn't Regulus. He didn't spew hate to pander to blood supremacist parents. He was just a child, an innocent kid who was full of promise and hope. Cepheus hadn't experienced war like Harry had, hadn't been poisoned to the world in quite the same way.
"Should we sit down?" Charlotte gestured to the table behind her.
There were tea and biscuits laid out. Sirius nodded his head at the table, indicating Harry should take a seat. He dug into the inner pocket of his leather jacket and pulled out a neat little stack of photographs that he had found at Grimmauld Place two summers ago. Taking a seat next to Harry, he pushed the photos into the center of the table. His heart twisted when he looked at the top photo. The last one ever taken of him and Regulus together. It had been the summer before his fifth year, the summer before he ran away from home.
In the picture, Sirius and Regulus stood on the stairs of Grimmauld Place, the ghastly severed house-elf heads mounted to the wall behind them. Sirius had his hands shoved into his robe pockets, his face stoic and unyielding. Regulus stood next to him, only thirteen, their shoulders pressed together. He smiled widely at the camera, because he was always capable of presenting himself in a way that Walburga found appealing in a way Sirius never managed to.
"Merlin," Cepheus breathed as he dragged the photos close to him. "I look like you. This is you, isn't it?
Sirius hummed, leaning back in his chair. He squinted at Cepheus, watching as the kid soaked in the pictures hungrily. With a pang, it reminded him of Harry. Desperate for information like he had been parched in a dessert for days. Maybe Harry had been right the previous night. Maybe they should tell him the truth and not feed him more lies.
"How have you been, Sirius?" Charlotte asked, tearing her eyes away from the photos on the table.
Sirius rubbed his fingers against his chin. "I've been good. Really good."
It wasn't entirely a lie. He had been doing pretty damn good until October decided to rear its ugly head. He couldn't think of James now. Not now of all times.
Charlotte let out a breath. "Merlin, this is so… it's been so long."
Sirius' lips twitched as Cepheus flipped to a new photo of a very small toddler Sirius holding a baby Regulus. A house-elf stood by Regulus' head, its little hands helping to hold it steady.
Another photo flipped and Charlotte laughed. Sirius and Regulus sat upside down on a sofa side by side, the tips of their hair touching the carpet below. They must have been nine and seven maybe. Charlotte sat perched next to Regulus, her fingers tickling his sides. Rosamond sat next to Sirius, a smirk dancing on her face as watched Regulus and Charlotte. Sirius was fairly sure they were at the Lestrange Manor.
Looking at some of the old photographs, people probably wouldn't even be able to tell all the shit that went on when nobody else was around. Sirius even looked happy in some of them. The younger he was in the photo, the more likely he was smiling because that was before things began to sour. It wasn't until he was sorted into Gryffindor did things change dramatically.
Charlotte glanced over at Harry, smiling at him. "So I must say Sirius only mentioned that he had custody of you in his letter. I don't know much about you. But you're a Seeker? James played, didn't he?"
Sirius nodded. "Chaser."
"Who's James?" Cepheus asked.
"My dad," Harry replied, shifting in his chair.
Cepheus looked up at Harry. "So… I mean, I know you're Uncle Sirius' son through adoption but, well, are the Potters and Blacks related?"
Sirius snorted. "Not Harry's line, no. James was my best mate. He named me godfather to Harry."
"Oh, that's nice!" Cepheus exclaimed, his eyes staring at Harry as though he wanted to say something but didn't know how. "So, you know, when my mum told me you were coming, I didn't connect your name with anything special. I mean, I guess maybe it sounded vaguely familiar, but I didn't really think too much into it, you know? But I, uh, well, I connected that you were the champion from Hogwarts in the Triwizard Tournament," Cepheus said, his body straightening up a bit. "When I said I was meeting you here, well, someone said it was you. Was it really you?"
Sirius felt Harry tense next to him. He glanced over at his godson out of the corner of his eye. Harry's face had turned steely. Sirius reached out under the table, gripping Harry's knee.
"Yeah," Harry replied after a long pause. "Yeah, it was."
Cepheus let out a small puff of air. "Well, I can shove that in Julien's face because he didn't believe me when I said Harry Potter was my cousin."
"You told people that?" Charlotte asked, her gaze snapping to her son.
"Charlotte," Sirius breathed.
"Yeah, why?" Cepheus asked, his brows furrowing. "Is it because that other boy died?"
Harry sucked in a sharp breath, his head snapping so quickly to look at Sirius that he was surprised the kid didn't get whiplash. Sirius only tightened his grip on Harry's knee, his fingers aching from the hold.
Charlotte pursed her lips to the side, her eyes staring at Cepheus. "I asked you not to tell anyone about today."
Cepheus shrugged. "I just told André and Henri. But Julien overheard."
Charlotte squeezed the bridge of her nose with her thumb and forefinger. "Cepheus, you really told them Harry was your cousin?"
Cepheus blinked. "Well, yeah? Isn't that what he is? I was excited. Everyone always talks about their families and, and I had something to talk about with mine for once!"
Sirius cleared his throat. His hand finally left Harry's knee. He laced his fingers together, propping his elbows up on the table and leaning forward.
"I get your concern, Charlotte, but do you really think he'd travel to France?" Sirius asked.
Cepheus' mouth moved but no words came out, as though he couldn't quite decipher what Sirius was saying. But Harry did. He straightened up, his gaze piercing right through Sirius.
"How the bloody hell don't you know?" Charlotte said thorough gritted teeth, looking as though she were on the verge of tears. "You have no…" she trailed off, a sob escaping her lips.
Sirius reached a hand across the table, wrapping his fingers around her wrist. He could feel her trembling beneath his touch. The tears flowed freely down her face.
"I shouldn't have done this," Charlotte gasped. "I shouldn't, I was stupid. But I, I promised Reggie."
"Mum, what's wrong?" Cepheus asked, his voice full of concern as he scooted his chair closer to his mother.
"You need to listen to me when I talk!" Charlotte shouted as Cepheus recoiled, his wide eyes staring at her like he didn't even know who she was anymore. "How could you tell people Harry Potter is your cousin?"
Cepheus gave a half-hearted shrug. "I didn't think it was that big of a deal. Why is nobody saying why this is a big deal."
"Because I'm the Boy Who Lived," Harry spoke up, bitterness clouding his words. "Or the Chosen One. Or whatever new and terrible moniker the newspapers want to give me."
Cepheus turned his head to Harry, a million questions flitting across his face. "Wait, the baby who defeated some Dark wizard like over a decade ago or something?"
"Harry," Sirius warned.
Harry only gestured to his forehead. "What? The scar didn't give it away?"
Cepheus stared hard at him. "I thought it was… it was made up? A lie?"
Harry's face pulled, anger flashing in his eyes. "A lie? What? You think I'm just an orphan because my parents pretended to get murdered or something?"
Cepheus rolled his eyes. "No, not that! The entire Killing Curse thing. I just assumed that it was the Brits making something into nothing."
"I wouldn't know, because I was too little to remember it," Harry said in a cool voice.
Sirius cleared his throat loudly, trying to draw Harry's attention. It worked, because Harry cocked his head to the side in order to look at him. Sirius raised his eyebrows, his lips drawing into a thin line. But Harry wasn't James. The two of them hadn't mastered a silent communication system yet.
Licking his bottom lip, Sirius turned his attention to his nephew. "Cepheus, the stories about Harry are true, but it would be best not to advertise your connection with him. Just call him your cousin Harry. There's no need to slip in that his last name is Potter."
"Why?" Cepheus asked.
"Because while Harry may not be as famous in France, he's a household name in England," Sirius explained. "Lord Voldemort is back. He's killing people. He wants Harry dead because Harry dared to survive the night his parents were murdered."
"Sirius, can we speak in private?" Charlotte asked, her voice wavering.
Sucking in a breath, Sirius nodded before looking between the two teenage boys. "Cepheus, why don't you show Harry around the castle? Stick together, all right? Talk about Quidditch or, or school or something. We'll talk about the other stuff later. I promise."
"Sirius," Harry said, his lower jaw jutting out to the left slightly.
Sirius only reached out a hand, gripping Harry's shoulder in what he hoped was reassurance. "Yes, there will be people who know who you are here. But there are also people who are going to be completely oblivious. You don't matter to them. You're not in their history books. Enjoy the castle, all right? I'll have my mirror on me if you need me."
Harry looked like he wanted to argue, but he didn't. Instead, he just nodded curtly before he rose from his chair. He threw a look at Cepheus. The meeting could have gone better, but honestly it could have gone a lot worse. He didn't know why he thought Chosen One shit wouldn't come up.
Sirius watched as Harry and Cepheus left the room. A lump fell into the pit of Sirius' stomach even though he knew he had no reason to worry. He knew they'd be fine. What was going to happen to them at Beauxbatons with an abundant number of professors and students walking about the castle? But Sirius was really starting to wonder if his middle name was Anxious instead of Orion. The kid made his insides twist with so much fucking worry.
A hand touched his wrist. Sirius turned to see Charlotte leaning over the table, her thumb brushing along the side of his wrist. He offered her a strained smile. He could see the worry lines crease deep in her forehead.
"Charlotte," he whispered, his eyes searching hers. "What aren't you telling me?"
"I told you I had a vial of memories. I brought them in case you didn't know… and I guess you don't," Charlotte whispered, a shuddering breath escaping her lips. "I'd like to show you them, because Regulus wanted me to. I'd like to come along to explain things, if that's all right."
Her hand left his as she reached into her pocket and produced a vial of shimmering liquid memories. She rose from the table, making her way across the room where a Pensieve sat that Sirius hadn't noticed before. Charlotte had come prepared and Sirius was grateful to finally get some answers to the questions he had been craving. He had the sinking suspicion that the Black family secrets were not only vast but incredibly dangerous. Sirius needed to know, not just to quench his own curiosity but also to protect Cepheus if need be.
Charlotte tipped the vial, the silver liquid seemingly never-ending as it collected in the stone basin. Once it was empty, Charlotte turned towards Sirius and held out her hand. Sirius grasped it, his fingers wrapping tight around her palm. Charlotte trembled, tears brimming her eyes as the two fell into the Pensieve together.
Sirius recognized Orion's study straight away. Regulus stood right in front of him, his curly hair cut short and the way he wore it when he was still in school while he was being molded into the perfect pureblood son. He stood straight and tall, donning dark green traditional robes as he stood next to Walburga. Lord Voldemort stared at Regulus with piercing red eyes – a sign that he had created at least one more Horcrux by this point. But he didn't look quite as inhuman as he did now, so Sirius knew there were still more Horcruxes to be made at this point in time.
"Regulus, I have been waiting for this moment for a very long time," Voldemort said, a twisted sort of smile flitting across his pallid face.
"As have I, my Lord," Regulus replied, matching Voldemort's smile.
Regulus was always good at playing his part, being the good little pureblood. He parroted the hate speech, he donned a smile that appeared more genuine than Sirius could ever manage, and had bent over backwards to complete the tasks that Walburga threw at him.
"There is something that you must know before you take my Mark," Voldemort continued, his long fingers wrapping around Regulus' wrist while his other hand pushed up the sleeve of his robe. "Something of very great importance before I allow you to stand beside me as my most trusted and dutiful follower."
Regulus' breath hitched, his chest not moving. "I would like that very much, my Lord."
Charlotte's fingers tightened, her body stepping closer to his. Sirius watched as Voldemort pressed his palm against where the Dark Mark would mar Regulus. Charlotte buried her face into Sirius' chest and he wrapped an arm around her shoulders.
"I can't… I can't watch," Charlotte sobbed.
"Your mother and I have been close over the years, Regulus," Voldemort continued. "I have considered her my one and only true friend. At times, we were more than just friends."
Walburga smiled, her hand pressing between Regulus' shoulder blades. "Regulus, you should feel very honored and privileged right now."
Regulus' brows furrowed. "I don't understand."
Voldemort's lips curled. "You are my son, Regulus."
Sirius felt the air escape his lungs for the second time that day, his heart dropping to the pit of his stomach. His wide eyes glanced over at a beaming Walburga who reached up to brush a curly lock out of Regulus' eyes. Regulus didn't move, didn't blink, didn't speak. Sirius couldn't blame him. It was unthinkable, unfathomable, just plain wrong.
"What?" Regulus breathed heavily, his chest heaving. "But I'm… I… are you… sure?"
"Yes, the Dark Lord confirmed it himself when you were born," Walburga replied.
Regulus swallowed. "I… I…"
The blood pounded in Sirius' ears as he stared at his younger brother looking both confused and horrified at the same time. His entire body shook, his breaths coming out in harsh huffs. Sirius felt like he was dreaming, trapped in a nightmare. Because there was no way that his baby brother's biological father was Lord Voldemort.
"What about Sirius?" Regulus asked, his voice cracking at his brother's name.
Sirius' breath hitched in his throat, his body stiffening.
"Sirius is my son as well," Voldemort confirmed.
The world crashed around Sirius to the point where he couldn't breathe. The room blurred as he started to float, almost like he was having an out-of-body experience. Bile rose in his throat. Charlotte pulled away from his chest, her fingers touching his face.
"Breathe, Sirius, breathe," Charlotte demanded.
But how was he supposed to fucking breathe? After that? Sirius bent in half, his head pressing between his knees as he tried to stop the room from spinning. His eyes screwed shut, trying to concentrate on breathing. But his fucking lungs weren't working.
He had been aware of Walburga's affair with Lord Voldemort, known they had likely been sleeping together since they were teenagers. But never once had Sirius ever thought that Orion wasn't his father. Never once had he ever wondered about his parentage. But now that he thought about it… now that it was out in the open…
The little snide comments that Orion would make about how Sirius' blood had been sullied, to how the family all seemed to whisper and gossip but always seemed to quiet down whenever Sirius and Regulus were around, to the way Voldemort always dined with the family, to how Voldemort had wanted him to take the Mark willingly, to the way Voldemort had never harmed him in a battle. Fuck. The memory of Voldemort healing him the night Edgar Bones had been murdered right in front of him flew to the forefront of his mind. It all made perfect sense now.
Sirius sucked in small and sharp breaths. His wide eyes dared to look up at Lord Voldemort like he had never seen anything like him before in his life. He didn't think there was anything worse than being a Black. But this? This seemed impossibly worse. His biological father had killed Sirius' best friends and was hunting his godson.
"It was why I wanted him to join me, willingly," Voldemort continued. "Alas, your mother didn't know how to properly handle Sirius. A stern hand was not the way to get through to Sirius."
"No," Sirius gasped out. "This isn't… it's not true." He denied it because there wasn't any possible way that he wasn't fully a Black. "Regulus and I aren't his sons."
"Regulus didn't want to believe it either," Charlotte whispered. "I didn't want to believe it."
The room shifted, the floor falling out from beneath Sirius' feet. Sirius and Charlotte found themselves in Uncle Alphard's cottage in the kitchen. Regulus showed Uncle Alphard the Dark Mark on his arm, his face grim.
"Oh, Reggie," Uncle Alphard whispered, his fingers tracing along the snake coming out of the skull's mouth. "I could have helped you run."
"Where?" Regulus snapped. "You don't even know the worst of it."
Uncle Alphard looked up, his brows furrowing. Regulus wretched his arm around, stumbling back.
"Did you know?" Regulus gasped out, his breath hitching. "Did you know that dad wasn't my… that he was my father?"
Uncle Alphard blinked, his entire face crumbling. He remained silent for a moment, his face cast downwards, before he spoke softly. "I had my suspicions but I wasn't sure. Walburga never talked about the affair or who your father was. The entire family had their suspicions, but it wasn't never spoken about out loud."
Uncle Alphard knew? He knew and he never told Sirius. It was a slap in the face. Uncle Alphard had been the only Black to ever protect him and he had kept this massive secret from him?
Regulus visibly swallowed. "This is why they tortured Sirius that one Christmas, did you know that? The Dark Lord wanted him to willingly join because it was his birthright."
"I… feel like that Christmas, my suspicions were all but confirmed because of what happened to Sirius," Uncle Alphard admitted in a soft tone.
Sirius dug his palms into his eyes. No, no, no, no, no. He couldn't listen to this anymore.
"Does Sirius know? Did you tell him?" Regulus pressed. "Because I know you always loved him more than me or anyone else."
Uncle Alphard's eyes flashed. "Don't you even dare!"
"You took the Mark for him!" Regulus shouted. "You risked your life to get him out of that house! I'm not stupid! I know you joined Dumbledore's little Order. Mum knows too. She's playing you! You're too stupid to even figure it out!"
Sirius' heart hammered in his chest. He could barely focus on what was happening, his mind racing to keep up with the information provided.
"She's plotting to kill you," Regulus snapped. "The Dark Lord is plotting to kill you. Do you even care?"
Uncle Alphard's jaw tightened. "If I die, then so be it. At least I'll die knowing I did everything I could to stop this madness."
Regulus nodded. "Stop the madness," he echoed, his face twisting. "Right, because that's what this is all about."
Uncle Alphard narrowed his eyes. "What do you think this is about, Regulus?"
"This is about the Dark Lord going about this all the wrong way," Regulus argued. "He should have gone about all of this politically, rose to power without all the senseless murder and torture like Grindelwald–"
Uncle Alphard laughed bitterly. "If you think Grindelwald didn't senselessly murder or torture people to get into the position of trying to steal an election then you are highly misinformed."
Regulus didn't say anything. "I'm just saying, the Dark Lord's ideas aren't bad–"
"Aren't bad?" Uncle Alphard parroted. "Regulus, what does it matter? Who cares about something as inconsequential as blood?"
Regulus blinked, his shoulders shrugging. "Look, I just think that Mudbloods don't really understand our world. They shouldn't try to change things."
Uncle Alphard sucked in a deep breath. "All right, Regulus. I think it's time for you to leave."
Sirius ran his hands down his face as he stared at his little brother. Maybe he had been beyond saving. Maybe the news that he was Lord Voldemort's son had gone to his head.
Son. Sirius swallowed down the fresh bile that rose in his throat.
Regulus furrowed his brows. "What? Can't I have my own opinion or do you want me to be a perfect substitute for Sirius?"
"Are they truly your opinions or are they the opinions our family has forced you to adopt or else they'd torture you like they tortured your brother?" Uncle Alphard asked, his tone sharp. "I cannot help you if you've given into the mad rhetoric."
Regulus screwed his eyes shut, his lips thinning. "It's dangerous to speak out in defiance. I think he has ears and eyes everywhere."
Uncle Alphard stepped forward, gripping Regulus by the shoulders. "He's not omniscient, Reggie."
"I'm scared," Regulus choked out, his eyes opening as tears freely poured down his cheeks. "I don't want to do this. I don't want to hurt anyone. And I don't… I don't want to be his son."
Sirius let out a breath he didn't know he was holding.
"To do what is right is never easy, Regulus," Uncle Alphard said, his hands squeezing Regulus' shoulders. "But if you follow orders because you are scared, then you are going to do a lot of things you don't want to do."
Regulus looked down at the ground. "He has Horcruxes," he said, his voice barely above a whisper. "More than one. He plans on making more."
"I know," Uncle Alphard replied. "I know. We must destroy them without him knowing. I've told nobody about what I know about them. Not even the Order."
Sirius straightened, wanting to hear more, but the scene shifted before him. An unfamiliar house materialized. Regulus and Charlotte sat on a sofa together. She handed him a picture as she silently cried.
"I'm pregnant," Charlotte whispered. "Reggie, I'm pregnant."
Regulus paled, staring at the moving picture in his hands. "We can't tell anyone. Not a soul. We need to… we need to leave."
"How? He won't let you leave. And, and Reggie, you have the Mark," Charlotte sobbed. "He'll find us."
Regulus nodded, his eyes unfocused. "You may have to leave without me. He can't track you."
Charlotte pressed her nose into Regulus' shoulder. "I don't want to do this without you."
"We just need to destroy the Horcruxes," Regulus said, his hand wrapping around her knee. "We make him mortal again and everything will be all right. He's tasked my family in keeping them safe. He told me… he told me he would call on me soon. That may be my chance."
"Reggie…" Charlotte trailed off, her body pressing against his.
"I'm his son," Regulus whispered in a monotone, like he was lost in some deep thought. "He trusts me. I can get the information."
The scene dissolved again, the hardwood floor turning to cobblestone and the walls shifting to a stone facade. They were in an alleyway and Sirius froze when he saw none other than James Potter standing in front of him, his chest heaving like he was out of breath. James didn't have his wand, nor did he pull one. He just raised his hands as though surrendering. He stared at Regulus who had a wand pointed at his throat.
James' lip was split open, the sleeve to his coat ripped. Dried blood caked his chin, his tongue peeking out to touch the tender skin. He winced while Regulus only sneered.
"Hey, Regulus," James greeted, his eyebrows raising above his glasses.
Regulus didn't say anything back.
"Sirius ran in the opposite direction when the Aurors arrived," James explained in a casual tone. "I'm just looping around to meet up with him. I'm sure that's what you're doing. Going back to your… family."
Regulus' jaw clenched, his lips twitching into a snarl.
James smiled, a small huff escaping his lips. "Sirius still loves you, you know? You don't…" he shook his head. "Join us. Sirius and I can take you straight to Dumbledore, get you protection. You know so much that you'd be useful to the Order."
Regulus just stared at him, still not speaking.
Sirius tried to figure out when this would be. James and Sirius had been together… they were looping around to meet. Meet where? Why? There had to have been an attack. Was this one of the times they had narrowly escaped arrest?
There was a bigger question than that: why was Regulus showing him this memory? Why would he go from unraveling Walburga and Voldemort's dirty little secret to showing him some memory involving James?
"Can you just say something?" James snapped, his brow furrowing. "I'm trying here. I'm trying to help you. Sirius wants to help you. He saw the Mark the last time we all saw each other. On some level, he already knew, but, fuck, Regulus, he always thought he could save you. He wanted to save you. You are the only one he misses, the only one he wants back in his life. Sirius spent his entire life trying to protect you and you just, you just join the Death Eaters? You just turned your back on him? It's a slap in the face, is what it is. You have no–"
Regulus flicked his wrist, a blade escaping the tip. A short lunge forward, and Regulus stabbed James right in the abdomen. Regulus held it there with both hands. James stumbled backward, his feet giving out from under him. Regulus tumbled on top of him, his hands still holding the wand steady.
Lumos flicked on above Sirius' head. This was the time James had been stabbed and then had refused to say who had stabbed him. It had been Regulus… his own brother. Sirius stumbled forward, away from Charlotte, as he stared down at the two of them.
"I fucking hate you," Regulus seethed, his hands shaking so bad that he couldn't keep the wand steady.
A wince crossed James' features, his eyes twitching as he stared at Regulus with a look of pure surprise. "Regulus…"
"You took him from me," Regulus whispered, his voice hissing around them. "I needed him and you, you took him. The moment you fucking met him, you just took him. You claimed him as your own brother. You stole my brother. Did you enjoy it? Isolating him from his family?"
James' mouth gaped, tears rolling down the side of his face as blood trickled out of the corner of his mouth. "Reg-Regulus, we can hel-help you."
Regulus nodded, his lips thinning. "I don't want your fucking help. I just want you to die."
"Pl-please… Lily's pre-pregnant," James pleaded.
Regulus froze at the words. The regret instantly flew across his features, his Adam's apple bobbing. Regulus looked down at his wand, his hands shaking.
Before Sirius could see anymore, the scene faded again. Sirius wanted to scream at the way Regulus had chopped his memories up, giving just enough context to be frustrating enough. Even dead, his little brother was still making him fucking angry.
The scene shifted into an unfamiliar parlor, the same one as before when he had seen Charlotte telling Regulus she was pregnant. It must have been their home together. Sirius wondered where it was located and if he had access to it. He was certain Charlotte hadn't grabbed everything in her haste to leave the country. Sirius wouldn't mind packing up some of Regulus' old things for Cepheus to have. Maybe there was information that he could use to kill their new-found psychotic fucking father. Sirius' stomach gave a painful lurch at the thought.
"I just stabbed him," Regulus said, tears brimming his eyes. "I was so angry. I could only think about how I lost my brother to him."
Charlotte cupped Regulus' cheeks, tugging him down to her level so their foreheads touched. "It's all right. He's okay, right?"
Regulus let out a sob, his shoulders quaking. "Sirius will never forgive me if he finds out. Potter will tell him. He'll tell him everything and Sirius, Sirius will–"
But James had never told him. James protected Sirius at every fucking turn. Knowing Regulus had tried to kill James would have destroyed Sirius. James knew it. He bloody well knew it.
"Shh, love, it's all right," Charlotte soothed, her thumbs brushing along his cheekbones.
"This proves it," Regulus said in a miserable tone. "I've been avoiding hurting anyone because, because I didn't want to hurt anyone. But I hurt him. I'm just like him. I'm a fucking Riddle. This proves it."
"Reggie," Charlotte said in a broken voice.
"I'm no better than him," Regulus lamented.
Again, the room faded into an unfamiliar bedroom. Regulus looked stressed, his hand carding through his long curly locks. Charlotte sat on the bed, her hand pressing against her still flat stomach as she looked up at him with wide eyes.
"You're what?" Charlotte whispered.
"I'm going to destroy one of the Horcruxes. I know where it is," Regulus commented, pocketing his wand into his inner robe pocket. "I know there's a potion that will make you see your worst nightmare or something."
Sirius stumbled forward. Nothing else mattered expect for this one memory. Fuck Voldemort being his biological father. Fuck Regulus stabbing James. Horcrux information is what mattered. It was the only way he could protect Harry, to save the only person in this entire awful world that he actually loved.
"Regulus," Charlotte gasped, her hand fumbling for his.
"I love you," Regulus whispered. "If I don't come back, I need you to flee to France, all right? If you don't hear from me by the morning, you need to leave."
"Reggie, Reggie, listen to me–"
Regulus shook his head. "No, you need to listen to me. I have to do this. We've all been entrusted a Horcrux. My mother, Bellatrix, Narcissa… and now me. This one is my job. I can, I can fool him. I can plant a fake and take the real one."
Charlotte shook her head. "You can't do this alone!"
"I don't have anyone to help me with this, Charlotte!" Regulus said stubbornly, a scoff leaving his lips. "You're the only one I trust and I'm not risking our baby."
"Sirius!" Charlotte blurted out. "Tell Sirius everything! He'll go with you!"
Regulus' eyes slid shut. "Sirius got out. He got out, Charlotte. I'm not… I'm not dragging him into this."
"He's your brother, Reggie," Charlotte whispered, wiping her tears off her face. "If Wyatt needed my help, I'd help him in a heartbeat even if I don't agree with him all the time."
Regulus cleared his throat. "I'm going to leave a vial of memories and my journal on my bedside table. Take them to France with you and… and when you think it's safe, you can give them to Sirius. I'll tell him everything from, from us being the Dark Lord's sons, to how I stabbed James, to him being an uncle. He needs this information, Charlotte. Promise me. Promise me you'll get it to him if I die. Please!"
The room dissolved. Sirius felt himself falling. His knees connected with the hard floor of the Charms professor's office. Sirius pressed his palms against the cool floor.
"Sirius…" Charlotte trailed off.
He couldn't speak. His mind raced, his stomach rolled, and disgust had settled in a long time ago. The lump of bile stuck in his throat, threatening to rise. His body quaked.
Lord Voldemort was his father.
Sirius didn't want anybody to know. He wanted to forget the entire fucking thing. Thoughts of Obliviating himself floated in the forefront of his mind. Sirius' upper body fell forward, his forehead pressing against the tile.
Nobody could know, but Harry… Harry couldn't find out. That was the last person he wanted to know. Sirius couldn't stomach it if his godson looked at him differently… if his godson hated him for who he really was. A buzzing sounded in his ears.
Sirius felt like he had slipped into a new level of hell.
Hope you enjoyed the newest chapter! Don't forget to drop a review. They keep me motivated to keep on typing away!
Just FYI, there will be NO new chapter next week. These next few chapters are a tad bit heavy so they are taking me a little longer to write than I would like.
Special thanks to Bell for editing like a fucking star. Special thanks to gryffindorhealer for inspiring the new summary.