A/N: Yay for more!
Screams had filled the early morning air so suddenly that everyone in the house had bolted awake.
Michael and Sandy leapt out of bed, recognising the screams as those of their youngest child. They raced towards the sound of the screaming, only to find JJ collapsed in a pool of blood on the bathroom floor, her Lion King pyjamas stained red as she screamed in fear.
When his eyes fell on his oldest daughter lying motionless in the bathtub, deep gashes in her wrists, Michael had fallen to his knees beside the tub as his now sobbing wife dragged their nearly hysterical daughter from the bathroom kicking and screaming. By this time, Jason had joined the ruckus, the colour draining from his face as he watched his dad trying to lift his younger sister out of the bath.
"I'll call 911," he gasped, turning on his heel and racing down the stairs towards the phone.
"Rosie, what did you do?" Michael said tearfully as he kept a tight hold on his daughter. "What did you do?"
Out on the landing, Sandy had her sobbing daughter cradled in her arms, desperately trying to calm her down before she went into shock. Her mind was reeling and her heart was breaking
What on earth had gone so horribly wrong in her older daughter's world?
What happened to JJ at Worlds in 2010? Is that when she had the shoulder injury? How did she still get a team medal?
Yes. Basically what happened was the US team came out in qualifications and they were first up on vault. JJ was their first vaulter, and when she actually went... I'm not sure exactly what happened, whether she hit the table at a funny angle or missed her block or something, but when she went over the table, her shoulder dislocated as she blocked. As you would naturally do if one of your joints was completely displaced, she bailed midair and came down on the crash mat on her back (she was incredibly lucky to land the way she did, a few centimetres either way and she would've either landed on her head or clipped her feet on the back end of the table). She was checked over and taken out of the arena to have her shoulder put back in at the hospital, but Marta kept her on the roster because it was decided the team would survive with five members. JJ was actually on the floor in the team final, leotard and all, but she was in a sling and couldn't have competed even if they'd needed her to, and so she was right there and able to go out and accept her team silver. She definitely deserved it after all that; she was so excited to be at Worlds, and there she was not able to compete at all, but she was still cheering on the other girls and offering support. As it turned out, that experience would be invaluable for both her and Aly Raisman the following year when Alicia Sacramone went down with an Achilles rupture before qualifications at the 2011 World Championships.
Do you think JJ could have won the beam final in 2010 if she had been able to compete?
She was definitely the one with the clearest chance for gold heading into Worlds. Although, in 2010, she was definitely very reserved and a little unsure, and that pressure might have gotten to her in the final. Even though it sucks she couldn't compete that year, I think it shaped her into the competitor she's been since 2011. But we can't say for sure; anything can happen in gymnastics, and what happened was she got injured and couldn't compete.
JJ declined her American Cup spot, do we know why?
Sorry I didn't answer this before the American Cup! She declined because she was working new upgrades and decided she'd rather open her season at a small meet in case she had issues (which she inevitably did), rather than have it in front of an American crowd with a bunch of press and have them ream her out for any potential mistakes.
Can anyone beat JJ on beam next year in Rio?
Well, provided she survives that long and makes the team, I'll say a tentative no. She's just so consistent on beam that at this point, the only way anyone can beat her is to like... sabotage her before the competition.
Are Aly and JJ as good friends as they seem to be?
Aly's family spent Christmas with JJ's family, so I'd say yes. And Aly seems to have gotten really friendly with JJ's boyfriend as well, so I'd imagine the three of them spend a lot of time together when they can. Also, JJ and her boyfriend went to Boston for Aly's 21st, judging from their social media, so yes, they definitely are very good friends.
"Earth to JJ"
Broken from her thoughts, JJ found herself staring at the chalk bowl, the block of chalk she had been using still held loosely between her fingers. Looking up, she found Nick looking at her from the other side of the bars, a small smile lurking around the corners of his mouth.
"You ok kiddo? You were a million miles away there," he said softly, giving her a small smile as he pulled at one of the tension cables on the bars.
"Um… yeah," JJ breathed, letting out the breath she'd been holding as she dropped the block of chalk back into the bucket. Dipping her hand back in, she grabbed some of the loose powder, keeping her eyes down even though she could feel Nick watching her.
"Something on your mind today?"
JJ shrugged, dusting her hands off before walking over to the bars. She adjusted her grips, making sure they were tight enough, before reaching up and putting her hands on the low bar.
"Hey, hey… just ease up," Nick said gently. "You're not your usual self. What's going on?"
"It's nothing," JJ insisted, but even as she spoke, her voice threatened to betray her. "I just want to train"
"I know you do, but I don't want you training when your mind is clearly elsewhere," Nick reminded her. "You don't have to talk to me if you don't want to, ok, I understand it might be something private, but I just want to make sure you're ok"
JJ stared at him for a moment, trying to find the voice she needed to tell him not to worry, that everything was fine. But just moments later, her eyes were starting to burn and her lower lip was quivering. She bit down on the inside of her lip, trying desperately to stem the emotion that was threatening to come forth, but even before the tears had begun to spill over, Nick was guiding her over to one of the blocks, wordlessly making her sit down before he walked over to the shelf on the wall and grabbed the box of tissues. He brought them back, silently holding them out to her as he sat down beside her. She took one, bringing it to her eyes as the tears came in a deluge.
"It's ten years," she choked out from beneath her hands, breaking the eerie silence. "How has it been ten years? Every year that passes… I'll be another year older than she'll ever be… reach milestones she'll never make"
Nick said nothing, his mind now calming as JJ's behavior suddenly made sense. Of course this was about Roslyn. They were approaching July 6th… the day Roslyn had committed suicide in 2005.
"I found her… and I… I just stood there. Frozen," JJ said in a hollow voice that was still thick with tears. "For probably ten minutes"
Nick made no move, no effort to talk, sitting patiently beside her as he waited for her to finish speaking. Inside, however, his heart was sinking. He was one of the people who had witnessed firsthand what Roslyn's death had done to JJ as a child… but he could never have imagined that she had been the first one confronted with it. Ten years old… a ten year old child trying to wrap her mind around suicide.
"It was like my brain couldn't, um… comprehend what I was seeing," she continued, her voice catching in her throat as more tears burned her eyes. She turned to look at Nick, the tears beginning to spill down her cheeks once more. "I think that's why I was so determined to make something out of doing gymnastics. To go to the Olympics. Because… then I would always know what to do. And I would never freeze again"
A sob escaped from her throat, but still, Nick made no move to touch her.
"I need to train. I need you to push me until I'm physically incapable of going any further. Because I can feel it happening again… I can feel the panicked fog crawling up on me… and I'm scared I'm going to go up there at the Classic and I'm going to freeze while the memories press in on me from every angle… and I don't want to freeze," she sobbed. "If I freeze… I'll break down. And I don't want to have that breakdown on national TV"
"Ok," Nick said softly, reaching out and covering the back of her hand with his. "Ok"
"Please just let me train," JJ begged through her tears.
"I will," Nick said reassuringly. "But I just want you to let me say one thing"
JJ nodded, wiping beneath her eyes with the tissue again.
"You and I are a team. Always have been, always will be. And I know… I know this time of year is hard for you but I know this year will be worse than ever. I know. Ok? You're allowed to be upset. You're allowed to have bad days. But I promise… I'm not going to let you freeze," he said warmly, causing JJ to swallow hard against a fresh lump of emotion. "I won't let you freeze. And if you think you are going to freeze, you scratch, I pull you off the podium, and we go somewhere quiet until you're ready to keep going. If you're ready to keep going"
"What if I make it to Worlds? What if I freeze in Scotland?" JJ asked in the smallest voice he had ever heard her use.
"You won't," Nick said sweetly, squeezing her hand. "Classics are worrying you because it's so close to the anniversary. But I know you, Jennifer Jareau… this month is going to suck, but you'll be a force to be reckoned with at Nationals"
JJ nodded, remaining silent as she dropped her gaze to the floor.
And then Nick was wrapping her up in a tight hug, offering the comfort and support he knew she needed right in that moment.
"I'm sorry you're hurting JJ. One day, you'll be able to think about her, and it won't hurt"
Despite being exhausted from training, another nightmare had pulled JJ from her sleep in the dark and early hours of the following morning.
Not wanting to just roll over and go back to sleep, she instead pulled herself out of bed, walking as quietly as possible out of her room and down the stairs to the kitchen.
She was surprised to find her dad already (or still) awake, sitting at the table with a cup of what looked like green tea, the previous day's newspaper open in front of him.
"Hey... what are you doing up?" Michael asked as she walked in.
"Nightmare," JJ admitted, pulling out the chair nearest to her and sitting down. "You?"
"Not feeling too crash hot," Michael replied. "Thought a cup of tea might help"
Silence fell between them. JJ avoided looking directly at her father, choosing to study the grain of the table under her hands instead.
Watching his daughter closely, Michael took another sip of his tea, before setting it down and turning towards her.
"What happened to Roz is really coming back to haunt you, isn't it?" he asked softly.
Lifting her eyes to look at her father, JJ took a deep breath, nodding. "She's always in my head lately... it's scaring me... I feel so... not miserable, but just kind of down, all the time... and I know that's not me, I know that's not how I am... it's because of this... because of Roz," she said, all her feelings suddenly tumbling out into the open.
"Have you thought about seeing a counsellor again?" Michael suggested.
"Yeah," JJ nodded. "I don't think it's a bad idea... I just wish it wasn't needed"
"You experienced a huge trauma at a very young and tender age, JJ... whether you like it or not, I think it's always going to creep back up on you when you least expect it. I think the only way to make peace with it is not just to see a counsellor... but also to just accept that it's part of your life, it's part of who you are, and it's not really ever going to go away," Michael explained. "You're strong enough to get through it, but it's always going to be difficult"
Nodding in understanding, JJ gave her dad a tired smile.
"Thanks Dad," she said softly.
"For what?"
"Listening. Understanding. Not judging," JJ replied.
Michael gave her the same tired smile, his face suddenly quite pale in the dull light of the kitchen.
"We're all fighting the same demons, peanut. We understand each other like no-one can. Believe me"