"Brumous"

"Chapter Thirty-Seven: Vidya Patil"

Sirius sat in the waiting room of the Mind Healer office, flipping through a Quidditch magazine that he had little interest in. While he had supported James by attending his games and listened to him prattle off stats, Sirius never found himself particularly engaged in the sport. Even with Harry, Sirius was more than happy to finally be able to attend his matches at Hogwarts, but he was secretly glad that Harry didn't talk his ear off about it like James had. There was only so long he could feign interest.

Tossing the magazine onto the end table next to him, Sirius stared at the door across the room. He just wanted the session to be over with and to go home. Honestly, he regretted agreeing to come to a Mind Healer. How was talking about his childhood going to help him now? It wasn't like he could even talk in-depth about anything happening in his life at the moment. He couldn't say a word about Harry and the prophecy, about Cepheus and Charlotte, or about him being Voldemort's biological son. So, what was he supposed to talk about?

Thinking about Cepheus and Charlotte made him wince. He hadn't contacted Charlotte all weekend to check on them. Sirius assumed they were all right since he hadn't heard any news. But contacting Charlotte was just another thing on his list, as was trying to protect them. The latter feeling nearly impossible.

The door across the room opened and a petite woman stood in the doorway. Her thick dark hair was pulled up into a fancy updo on the top of her head. She smiled at Sirius before she made her way across the room towards him.

"Hello, I'm Vidya Patil," she greeted, a warm smile crossing her face as she held out a hand.

Standing up, he clasped his hand in hers. "Sirius Black," he introduced himself unnecessarily, but he didn't know what else to say.

"It's a pleasure to meet you," Vidya commented as she gestured for him to follow her. "Ted spoke very highly of you."

Sirius nodded because, of course, Ted would sing his praises. They walked down a narrow corridor toward a room at the end of the hall. Entering the room, he felt a shiver run down his spine. He turned around to look at the doorway, watching as a pale blue shimmer ran over Vidya as she entered the office. Sirius' brow furrowed but Vidya didn't seem bothered.

"It's an enchantment," Vidya explained. "Once I walk out of this room, I won't remember anything that we discussed until I re-enter. It's for the patient's privacy."

Sirius nodded, shoving his hands into the pockets of his leather jacket. "So, you'll remember you met with me but not anything I actually said?"

Vidya took a seat in a large comfy-looking chair, pulling a folder from the end table onto her lap. "Correct. I won't remember we had this conversation until we enter again for our next session," she clarified before gesturing to the sofa across from her. "Would you like to take a seat?"

Sirius sat down across from Vidya, leaning back into the cushy sofa. He had the sudden urge to escape, his leg bouncing in a steady rhythm. His throat felt tight, like he couldn't breathe properly. Saying he'd go to a Mind Healer was easier said than done. There was zero desire to talk now that he was sitting across from Vidya. But he knew he had to try. For Harry's sake. Except it all felt so impossibly hard.

"How are you feeling today, Sirius?" Vidya started, the folder resting on her lap.

"I'm fine," Sirius replied automatically. "And you?"

Vidya smiled. "I'm fine as well. Thank you for asking."

Sirius pursed his lips to the side, glancing out the large window to his left to see a bunch of baby birds chirping for food. There were four of them. Tiny and bald with their large beaks swallowing the air.

"What brings you here, Sirius?" Vidya asked.

Sirius shrugged, his attention snapping back to her. "My lack of healthy coping mechanisms, I suppose."

"What are those coping mechanisms?"

Sirius already hated therapy. "Recently, alcohol."

Vidya kept a neutral face. "Can you tell me a bit about why you are turning to alcohol?"

Sirius glanced back at the window. Now there was a mother bird with a worm in her mouth. The little babies fought over the meal.

"Life," Sirius replied.

"What specifically about life is hard?" Vidya pressed.

Sirius snapped his attention towards her. "Come now, you must know all about me from the papers. Or I'm sure Ted and Andy have told you more than enough information as well."

"I'd prefer to hear it from you," Vidya said, crossing her right leg over her left as she settled back in her chair.

Sirius rubbed his index finger under his eye, wondering where he was supposed to even start. "I don't know what you want me to say."

"We can start wherever you want, Sirius," Vidya assured him. "There's no right or wrong place to start."

Sirius swallowed, his hands wringing in his lap. "I have so many regrets in my life. And I feel like I'm trying to correct them but everything is just going to shit instead."

"What do you feel like is your biggest regret?" Vidya asked.

Sirius sucked in a breath. That was an easy question. He didn't even have to think about it.

"Abandoning my godson right after his parents had been murdered," Sirius whispered. "I just left him. Somehow… somehow, he still wants me in his life."

Vidya nodded. "Your godson is Harry Potter, correct?"

"Yes," Sirius confirmed, not being able to stop himself from peering at her suspiciously. "I worry about him all the time."

"Tell me about your relationship with him," Vidya urged, nothing sinister in her words.

A ghost of a smile crossed Sirius' face. He knew he'd have to be careful about what exactly he said about, well, everything, despite the enchantments. But Harry was the only bright spot in his miserable life. Talking about Harry was as easy as breathing. It felt like the air came back into the room

Sirius spent the entire session talking about his relationship with Harry. How he had escaped Azkaban to keep him safe, how he had been devastated to have to leave him after Peter escaped, how he had tried his hardest to keep in contact and be there for him the past few years, and how he had jumped on gaining custody of him as soon as he had been declared innocent. Sirius talked about his struggles at not knowing what to say and do most of the time, having never raised a child before. How poor of a role model he had had growing up with Orion and Walburga. Somehow, Sirius felt the words tumble from his mouth and he worried there was some sort of compulsion charm on the sofa that made him want to talk.

But Vidya just sat there, listening and asking questions. There was no emotion on her face like there was when he attempted to talk to Andromeda or Molly. It was refreshing to just talk to someone who wasn't fretting as much as he was about everything.

By the end of the session, with a prescription for an antidepressant potion in hand, Sirius was even more exhausted than he had already been. Honestly, he didn't think it was possible to be even more mentally fatigued than he already was. Sirius was fairly certain he could sleep for two days straight if he tried to.

Remus stood outside of Sirius' Hogsmeade house, a sigh on his lips. He rose his knuckles to the wood and waited patiently for Sirius to answer. On Halloween night, pacing the waiting room of St. Mungo's for news about Sirius' condition, he vowed he would be a better friend. Because honestly, Remus was a shit friend just as much as Sirius was a shit friend. They never needed to truly step up before because that had always been the role bestowed upon James in their friendship group. James had watched out for everyone, he had been the one to listen and help with their problems, he had been the most compassionate one. Remus and Sirius had their fair share of problems, and James had been there at even the smallest whiff of one.

But James was dead. There was only Remus and Sirius left – probably the two least social members of the Marauders. They didn't talk about feelings or emotions. That had been James. All James. Always James. Remus knew for months that he needed to emulate James with Sirius but he never truly had. It wasn't a role that came easily to him, to either of them.

The door opened and Sirius looked absolutely knackered. With a nod in greeting, Sirius stepped aside and allowed Remus to enter his house. Shoving his hands into his Macintosh coat, Remus turned around to face his oldest friend.

"How are you, Sirius?" Remus asked.

Sirius rubbed the back of his neck, his head cocking to the side. "Bloody exhausted. Everyone says how freeing therapy is, but nobody tells you how mentally tired you feel afterward."

Remus nodded. "It went well then?"

Sirius shrugged. "I don't know. I wanted to drink after it, so… there's that, I guess."

Remus sucked in a breath, observing his friend. "Did you drink?"

"No, Remus, I didn't fucking drink," Sirius snapped, his eyes rolling towards the ceiling. "You did clean out the place over the weekend, did you not?"

Remus nodded. "Yeah, and I also told Aberforth not to serve you."

Sirius let out a half laugh, half scoff. "I want to say fuck you but I suppose I should be grateful," he replied, crossing his arms over his chest.

Remus let out a low chuckle, not being able to help the soft smile the spread across his face. He stared at Sirius, soaking in the dark bags under his eyes and the lines that creased in his forehead. He looked thinner than normal, like he had been wasting away for the past couple of months without anyone the wiser. Remus was very acutely aware that his problems had probably started around the time Harry went back to Hogwarts. Without the teenager to care for and fret over, Sirius didn't know what to do with his time. Remus knew how cruel one's mind could be when left to its own devices.

"I'm sorry I didn't spend Halloween with you," Remus whispered, because the guilt had been eating away at him all weekend. "I just didn't want to spend another Halloween depressed. Dora is so full of life and always so happy that I thought it would… I don't even know. Just thought it'd be a nice change for once not to want to drink until I passed out on Halloween."

Sirius nodded. "You don't have to apologize for treating it like a normal day. It's what James and Lily would want."

"You're my best friend, Sirius," Remus explained, his eyebrows tugging down. "I should have been there for you."

Sirius' tongue peeked out to lick his bottom lip, his gaze dropping to the floor. "If it wasn't Halloween, it would have been another day. It wasn't just Halloween that had me drinking so heavily."

Remus didn't know what that meant. Surely, they were both just trying to survive October as best they could. If there was something else that was going on with Sirius, Remus hadn't the foggiest idea as to what. But Andromeda had dropped a hint that something else was going on once he and Harry had gotten back from France a few weeks ago. Sirius hadn't even been willing to talk to her until one day when she apparently had ambushed him at his house. Maybe Sirius would tell him so he could help as well.

"Did something else happen?" Remus inquired.

Sirius winced. "Yeah, something did. I found out something."

Remus blinked. "Oh? What did you find out?"

Sirius snapped his attention up to Remus. "I told Harry over the weekend. Andy already knew."

"Knew what?" Remus pressed.

Sirius hesitated, his lips drawing into a thin line. "If you tell Dumbledore this, I will fucking end you, Remus. I'm not even joking. I will murder you and I won't even feel bad about it."

Remus stilled. Sirius wasn't joking.

"All right. It stays between us," Remus confirmed. "Did you give Harry the I'll murder you speech as well?"

Sirius shot him a look. "No, I didn't need to tell him that. I trust him not to tell anyone."

Remus scoffed. "I didn't tell anyone about you being an Animagus when you went all psycho in Harry's dorm in his third year. Nor did I tell anyone how you were getting into the castle. So, I think I can be somewhat trusted not to spill every single detail to Dumbledore."

Sirius' bottom jaw jutted to the side. "I'm only telling you because we're doing the Horcrux thing together to protect Harry. Otherwise, it wouldn't matter in the slightest. But it does matter right now. It matters more than I want it to."

Remus blinked, his eyebrows raising up. "Okay…?" he trailed off, watching Sirius' dramatics closely.

A beat passed. The tension between them was so thick that a knife would crack in half if it even attempted to cut it.

"My biological father is Voldemort," Sirius said in a strained voice. "Walburga had two bastard children with him. I'd say I should be happy that I'm not as inbred as I thought I was, but the Gaunts married their siblings so… you know. Not much better."

Remus almost burst out laughing, thinking it was all some big prank. Except Sirius wasn't laughing or even smiling. And the last time Sirius pulled a prank had been when they were seventeen. Post-Azkaban Sirius didn't joke very often either.

"You're serious?" Remus asked, his eyes searching Sirius' stoic face.

"Do you think I would find any enjoyment in joking about this?" Sirius replied in a flat tone. "Yes, let me joke about how my biological father murdered the man I considered my brother and orphaned my godson. What a jolly good time," he continued, his voice thick with sarcasm.

Remus didn't know what to think or even what to say. Sirius had spent his entire time at Hogwarts trying to distance himself from the Black family and the pureblood culture. The Blacks had always been vile, aligning themselves so perfectly with Voldemort and his awful vision for the world. Sirius had talked about dining with Voldemort as a child, how his family had funneled money to Voldemort, how just possessing the last name Black automatically garnered them a coveted spot in the inner circle. Now, it all seemed to make sense.

Nodding, movement caught Remus' eye. He looked down at Sirius' pocket to see the head of a tiny snake peeking out. Sirius followed his gaze and groaned, his fingers wrapping around the little snake and tossing it into the potted plant.

"I told you to fuck off," Sirius snapped at the snake.

Remus shifted his weight, not believing his eyes. "You find out you're Voldemort's kid and decide to adopt a snake? Sounds a bit cliché, if you ask me."

Sirius scowled. "No. The snake was all Harry's bloody idea," he explained, running his fingers through his hair. "He conjured the damn thing when I told him and asked me if I could try to speak Parseltongue to it. I bloody well can't, but apparently, the snake thinks I smell good and has been invading my personal space ever since."

"You smell good?" Remus repeated with surprise, because how was this even real life?

Sirius sighed. "According to Harry. I don't know. He seems to think it's the Gaunt blood."

"Right," Remus replied lamely, because what was there really to say.

Sirius narrowed his eyes. "I mean, I was always related to the Gaunts. After I learned Voldemort was a Gaunt, I assumed the distant relation between our families was what had him interested in the Blacks," he explained. "Phineas Nigellus' mother was a Gaunt. So, I supposed my great-whatever grandmother was the connection. I remember Arcturus making a big deal about it. The Gaunts didn't marry into other families very often. So, the Blacks were supposedly prestigious in that regard."

"I couldn't even tell you what family my great-grandmother was from but you're going back what? Five or six generations?" Remus asked.

Sirius nodded. "Well, part of a pureblood's homeschool curriculum is learning your family tree so you could fawn over how amazing your family connections are."

Remus sucked in a breath. "So, you're telling me that you're more Gaunt than you thought because… you think Voldemort actually cares that you're his biological son?"

"I think he's cared for a long time," Sirius agreed. "He's tried to get me to take the Mark since I was sixteen. Before that, he was always around. Parties, dinners, holidays. It was rumored that Walburga was fucking him. Wasn't a surprise since I know Orion was also having affairs. I just never knew how far back it went until recently. I never once even suspected that Orion wasn't my father."

Remus couldn't help but laugh. The entire conversation was just ludicrous. Remus couldn't help but picture Voldemort handing out Christmas presents in front of a tree with a Christmas cracker crown on his head. The image was just outlandish. Sirius did not find any of it funny, however. He glared at Remus, his head cocking to the side.

"You have to admit, this is just… Merlin, Sirius, this is just funny," Remus said, his head shaking. "You think Voldemort's cared for a long time? I guess he cared as much as any absent father would. Just wants you to help him with world domination. Nothing quite says, 'I love you' like that."

Sirius' lips parted but no words escaped. He stared hard at Remus.

"I've come to realize, that most parents exist to just fuck up their children," Remus continued. "I think the truly good ones are rare. The ones who actually care and raise their children to be confidant and truly good people."

Sirius swallowed. "Fleamont and Euphemia."

Remus snorted. "James couldn't have been more confidant if he tried. And he genuinely cared about people. He was the type of person who would give you the shirt off his back in the middle of a snowstorm if you asked."

"I want to be that type of parent to Harry," Sirius whispered. "But I keep messing it up. No matter how hard I think about what Fleamont would do or say, I keep fucking up."

The corner of Remus' lips twitched. "Harry's really come out of his shell since you've been taking care of him. I remember how quiet he was when I first met him at thirteen. How… angry he was last year. I've never seen that kid more relaxed then when he's with you. The way he smiles more, he's happier, he's more talkative. He's far more affectionate than I have ever seen him. I remember watching him recoil from touch at thirteen. If someone bumped into him or touched him, he instantly jerked away. Now, well, now, I see him running to you and Ginny and Ron at full speed. He's gladly accepting affection from Andy and Ted and Dora. He's finally accepting what he was denied. You did that, Sirius. You helped him feel more loved and confidant in social settings. I think that's something to be proud of."

Sirius didn't smile nor did he seem convinced. "Yeah, but I was absent for how many years of his life?" he challenged, his eyebrows tugging down. "My biological father is trying to murder him. I nearly drank myself to death and left him to fend for himself."

Remus sighed. "Azkaban wasn't your fault, Sirius. Peter framed you. And, and the Ministry failed you. I failed you. We all failed you," he explained as the guilt rolled across his skin. "You're getting help now for the drinking and the depression. That's a step in the right direction, because you can't truly help Harry until you help yourself. You're making the changes you need to. As for Voldemort… I mean, your family has always been awful with only a couple of diamonds within all the coal. If Harry doesn't care, then you shouldn't either."

Sirius let out a long sigh, his shoulders sagging. "It truly surprises me that nobody cares about my parentage."

"Most people aren't brought up having bloodline purity being a core subject in their early education," Remus countered.

Sirius let out a small chuckle. "That's probably a good thing. It is fucking boring as all shit."

Remus returned his smile. "I suppose those who don't know you would care," he reasoned. "But I think the ones who do know you, we know it changes nothing. You are who you are and this revelation doesn't change that. Maybe sixteen years ago, a very much less mature me would have spiraled at the thought of you being that monster's son. Honestly, though, I think it just makes some things that happened all those years ago make more sense. I've lived long enough now to know we aren't our parents or even who our parents want us to be. We're all individuals who are free to think and feel the way we want without any biological compulsions."

Sirius looked Remus up and down. "When did you become so bloody wise?"

Remus shrugged. "I denied myself happiness for so long because I believed I was a monster. All because of my father's misguided beliefs. As a child, despite having people around me who said otherwise and attempted to make my life easier, I never believed I was more human than monster. I thought you were all mad and, and that I would slaughter you all one day. And Dora? She's so… she genuinely likes me. This funny and smart and beautiful woman thinks I'm just as amazing as she is. Do you know she's learning everything she can about lycanthropy? She, arguably, knows more than I do now because she'll tell me these 'fun facts' as she calls them. Half of them I didn't even bloody well know."

Sirius grinned, looking a tad more like himself. "So… your lifelong friends couldn't convince you that you weren't a monster but you get your cock wet by my baby cousin and suddenly you're convinced?"

Remus' face pulled. "I hate it when you refer to her as your baby cousin."

"I know," Sirius replied. "It's why I constantly refer to her as such. I mean, someone has to take the piss out of you for dating a girl fourteen years younger than you."

"Thirteen," Remus corrected without missing a beat.

Sirius burst out laughing. Remus ignored him, shoving his hand in his trouser pocket and feeling the velvet ring box situated deep within the magically expanded hole. Taking a step closer to Sirius, he pulled out the ring box before he could stop himself and opened it to show Sirius.

"Will you stop if I propose to her?" Remus asked.

Sirius bent down to inspect the ring. "I think your dad might murder you for marrying into the Black family."

"He almost didn't give me my mum's ring because of it," Remus lamented, his gaze studying Sirius'' face. "What do you think?"

Sirius' caught his gaze. "You sure you want to marry into a family with Voldemort's secret love children?"

Remus shrugged. "As long as I don't have to spend holidays with him, I think I can manage. He's certainly not getting an invite to the wedding."

Sirius chuckled, rising to his full height.

"I was thinking of having Voldemort's secret love child be my best man," Remus added. "If he's up for it."

Sirius swallowed. "Yeah, yeah, of course, I will."

Remus snapped the box closed, stowing it safely into his pocket. "I wanted to ask Harry to be in the wedding too," he added before wincing. "Well, I mean, if Dora says yes. I think I'm getting ahead of myself."

"When are you asking her?" Sirius prodded.

"I haven't the foggiest idea," Remus admitted, because he had no idea what to even say or do that would be good enough of a proposal. "Still planning."

"Still planning because you want it to be perfect or still planning because you're petrified she'll say no?" Sirius inquired, shoving his hands into his pockets.

"I think a bit of both," Remus replied. "I'm pathetic, aren't I?"

"She won't say no," Sirius assured him. "I promise you. Don't let the fear hold you back. My only advice is to ask Andy and Ted before you ask Dora. Andy likes those silly traditions. It may give you a confidence boost to hear them be genuinely excited for you to join the family."

Remus agreed, though the very prospect of asking Andromeda and Ted to marry Nymphadora was more than just a little daunting. They had been supportive of the relationship but that didn't mean they would want their only child to marry a poor werewolf. Remus tried to push that thought out of his head because that was a very Lyall Lupin thing to think. Instead, he invited Sirius out to dinner and thought the two of them could do something normal for once that didn't involve secrets, Horcruxes, or a war.

Ginny lounged on the sofa in the Room of Requirement, her legs strewn across Harry's lap. It was nice to relax with him alone, without Ron hogging the conversation or any reminders about what had happened last week. Ginny tried to concentrate on her Potions homework but found she couldn't. Harry hadn't even bothered with any schoolwork, his head resting against the back of the sofa and his eyes closed as though he were napping.

Tossing her Potions book onto the end table, she scooted her bum closer to Harry. His head turned, his eye quirking open. Ginny smiled at him, her hand carding through his thick hair.

"Are you all right?" Ginny asked, her eyes searching his. "You seem quiet."

Harry gave her a one-shoulder shrug, a frown working its way on his face. "Ted talked to me before I left today."

Ginny quirked an eyebrow. "Oh?"

"He said he'd help me see a Mind Healer, like Sirius is, if I wanted to," Harry elaborated.

"Do you want to go see one?" Ginny inquired, the palm of her hand cupping around the back of his neck.

"I don't know. He, err, he talked about bad childhoods and such," Harry said, his face pulling. "Said Sirius' issues stem from the abuse he suffered as a kid. Then he, well, implied I may benefit from it as well because of my childhood and, and everything."

Ginny stilled at the words. She wasn't a moron. She knew the Dursleys had mistreated Harry. It was common knowledge amongst her family, although nobody knew just how bad it was. Stories of bars on his window and a cat flap on his bedroom door had floated around. Pictures of him skinny and in clothes three sizes too big for him flashed in front of her eyes. She could remember the sellotape wrapped around the bridge of his glasses when she first met him on the platform at only ten years old. Harry had always been painfully polite, didn't use sweary words, and kept mostly to Ron when he had first started to come around to the Burrow. It seemed to take Harry a long time to break out of his shell and start trusting the people around him.

"It's not a secret that the Dursleys mistreated you," Ginny said in a careful tone, peering at him.

Harry stared at her. "I'm not with them anymore though," he argued, his body tense. "I haven't seen them in…" he blew out a puff of air. "I don't know. Nearly a year and a half now."

"Doesn't meant their scars aren't still there," Ginny pointed out, her fingers drawing circles on the back of Harry's neck. "It's been how many years since the diary incident and I still… I mean, sometimes I still get nervous if I think time has gone by too quickly. Like, did I really just spend two hours reading in the library or did I leave in the middle of it? I don't like when time flies."

Harry's eyes searched her face, his frown deepening.

"Mum says that no matter how much time has passed, a memory can spark in your mind and absolutely paralyze you," Ginny continued. "That's normal and natural. Our experiences shape the people we become – both positive and negative. But the negative experiences have a way of latching on and hurting us even years later."

"I don't want to think about them ever again," Harry reasoned, his voice soft. "I'm where I was supposed to be fifteen years ago when my mum and dad died. I'm with Sirius now and, and Sirius is my, well, he's kind of like my dad now. Uncle Vernon was definitely not, he wasn't, well, I never considered him anything other than some bloke who, who hated me. It now feels wrong to even call him my uncle because he isn't uncle material. And, well, I see the way Ted acts and he's like a real uncle should be, I think."

"There's nothing wrong with calling them Vernon and Petunia," Ginny reasoned, her hand fumbling for his. "You don't have to refer to them with any familial names, because they're not your family."

Harry nodded. "Sometimes I allow myself to think about what life would have been like if Sirius never went to Azkaban," he admitted, his gaze following to their intertwined hands in Ginny's lap. "I think I would have called Ted and Andy my uncle and aunt."

"I think Andy would uncontrollably sob with joy if you called her Aunt Andy," Ginny said, a soft smiling gracing her face. "Ted's face might break apart from smiling if you called him Uncle Ted. They adore you, Harry."

Harry's thumb brushed against her knuckles. "They seem like tainted names now. I've never had a positive experience with the terms aunt and uncle before."

"You can't let them take that away from you, Harry," Ginny whispered. "You can't let them control your life like that. I think that's what Ted was talking about when he suggested you go and see a Mind Healer too. They help you with that kind of stuff."

"Have you gone to one?" Harry asked, his head snapping up to look at her.

"Mum wanted me to," Ginny explained. "But back then I didn't want to go. I was scared to admit to anyone what I had done. Mum talked to me a lot the summer after everything. She spent a lot of late nights talking to me when I couldn't fall asleep or would wake up from a nightmare. When we went to Egypt, Bill would join us a lot of the time. Bill was always really good at knowing what to say to make you feel better, just like Mum."

Harry didn't say anything, the silence stretching between them. She squeezed his hand, letting him know she was there with him. Honestly, Ginny regretted not going all those years ago. Maybe she would be better at controlling her anger, maybe she wouldn't be scared of time passing too quickly, maybe she would just be a better person. Ginny felt like she couldn't ask to go now, not with how busy her parents were with the Order of the Phoenix and worrying about all seven of them. They had so much on their plates that she couldn't ask to place another burden on them.

While Ginny would never tell Harry he needed to see a Mind Healer, she didn't think it'd be a bad thing for him to go either. Harry had made leaps and bounds within the past six months in being able to talk about his thoughts and feelings, but she could see him holding back a lot too. Since they had been dating, she easily spotted the telltale signs of his anxiety creeping up in the way he grew quiet, the way he withdrew into himself, the way he broke eye contact. It was almost like he wanted to be small when he was feeling insecure. Just like the way he liked to scream and lash out when he was angry. Harry either had big emotional outbursts or he shut down completely. There didn't seem to be an in-between with him.

Ginny could tell he was shutting down now. He had decided he had enough of this conversation and was lost in his own thoughts. While Ginny wanted nothing more than to pry and get him talking about his past, as she was very curious about his life before Hogwarts, she knew he would only withdraw more.

Suddenly, the door to the Room of Requirement opened. Harry moved fast, jumping up from the sofa and pulling his wand before Ginny could even fully process what had happened. Her head turned to see Draco Malfoy and Theodore Nott standing in the doorway, looks of pure confusion clouding their features. Neither Harry nor Ginny had thought to lock the room like they had during the D.A. meetings. It's not like they needed immense privacy and nobody came to the room anymore after what had happened with Umbridge.

"What are you doing here?" Harry snapped, his jaw tight and body rigid.

Malfoy sneered. "Didn't know the room was occupied."

"What room were you trying to conjure?" Harry asked, rounding the sofa.

Ginny rose from the sofa as well, though she didn't draw her wand like Harry. She kept her hand close to her pocket, ready to pull it in case either of them tried anything. She had heard they had both participated in the Hogsmeade attack. Though, they claimed it was chaos and they hadn't meant to attack any fellow students. They had received nothing but a single detention, which hadn't sat right with Ginny.

"Not a poor gross shithole to snog in, that's for sure," Malfoy replied.

Nott laughed. Ginny could see the muscles in Harry's back tense as he continued to walk towards them.

"Heard your dog went to the vet over the weekend," Malfoy continued. "What a pathetic sod. One can only hope you drink yourself to death with him, Potter."

Harry moved faster than Ginny had ever seen him move before. He pinned Malfoy to the wall, his forearm pressing against his throat. Nott pulled his wand from his robe but Ginny was faster. She had Disarmed him before he could fully raise his arm up. She kept her wand trained on him for good measure, a Bat Bogey Hex on the tip of her tongue in case he moved a muscle towards Harry.

"Don't talk about Sirius," Harry hissed.

Malfoy grinned. "You can pretend all you want that Black is your family and your precious little daddy, but we both know you're nothing more than replacement for your dead dad. I bet if you didn't even look like him, Black wouldn't want anything to do with you."

Ginny watched as Harry rammed his forearm tighter against Malfoy's throat. Malfoy winced, his hands trying to push Harry off him but Harry wouldn't budge. Ginny took a step closer. Harry stood tense, the veins protruding in his neck.

"Maybe that's why he drinks so heavily," Malfoy wheezed. "Just trying to, to see you as your dead dad better."

Harry gave Malfoy a hard shove against the wall before his arm left his throat. In a swift movement, Harry grabbed Malfoy's arm and ripped his sleeve. Ginny's eyes locked on the Dark Mark shining on his pale arm. She shouldn't be surprised, given who his family was, but it jarred her none-the-less.

"Just as pathetic as your dad, aren't you?" Harry seethed. "Who's the dumb fucking dog now? Following a maniac blindly. When he asks you to jump, do you ask how high?"

Malfoy sneered, wrenching his arm away from Harry and covering the Mark. "You don't know anything."

"You call Sirius a pathetic sod, but at least he had enough courage to break away from your deranged family. Who does he blindly follow?" Harry snapped, his jaw tightening. "And you know nothing about my relationship with Sirius. But I can guarantee you, Sirius cares more about me than your father has ever cared about you. You're nothing more than a tool to him, an heir. Someone he can manipulate and mold into an obedient little pawn. By the looks of it, he's already off to a great start."

Malfoy sneered. "You can act like you understand our world all you want, but just because your dumb dog grew up in a prestigious family doesn't mean you understand anything. You were raised by Muggle filth and that's all you'll ever be," he hissed in a low voice.

"I'd rather be considered Muggle filth than a pompous pureblood git," Harry challenged in a sardonic tone. "I rather like being able to think and feel for myself. Not have daddy dictate my entire existence. Do you even know what it is to be a person, Malfoy? Or are you just so use to being a posable doll that you don't even know what the word means at this point?"

Malfoy shoved Harry away from him, his jaw tight and normally pale face red with fury. Ginny stiffened, readying herself for a fight. Except Malfoy didn't reach for his wand nor did he do anything to Harry. The two of them stared at each other as though they were daring the other one to start something. Finally, Malfoy moved, shoving his shoulder hard against Harry's before he and Nott stormed out of the Room of Requirement.

Harry moved towards the door, locking the room to just the two of them. He whipped around, his wide eyes staring at Ginny.

"They're up to something," he said in a flat tone. "What kind of room could they want to conjure?"

Ginny stepped closer to Harry, her fingers wrapping around his wrist. "I don't know."

"We need to find out," Harry replied in a sure tone.

Ginny had no doubt that Harry wouldn't rest until he knew what Malfoy and Nott were up to. Except Ginny didn't know how they would be able to figure it out if Malfoy locked the room while they were inside. Ginny couldn't even fathom what kind of room would fit their twisted needs. But the one thing she knew for sure was that they were doing something for Voldemort. They had to be, especially if Malfoy had taken the Mark. There was no doubt in her mind that Nott had taken it as well.

Sirius knew he shouldn't, but he couldn't help himself. Somehow, he found himself standing outside of Melania Black's estate, his knuckles rapping on the door before he could stop himself. He had come alone. His chest twisted when the door opened, wishing he had brought Andromeda with him like he had last time. He didn't know why he hadn't contacted Andromeda, but he just felt like it was something he had to do without her. Andromeda couldn't always fight his family battles for him. Sometimes, he needed to do it himself. He had no problem challenging anyone else, but there was something about the older generation of Black family members that made him freeze.

The house-elf ushered Sirius inside, leading him to the parlor. Melania sat by the fireplace, reading a book. She looked up at him as they entered, a soft smile gracing her features as she rested the book in her lap. Sirius stood stiff on the other side of the room, not daring to go any closer to her.

"Darling, what do I owe the pleasure?" Melania asked, her palms smoothing over the book.

Sirius couldn't help flinching at the term of endearment. "Don't do that."

Melania blinked at him, her back straightening. "Sirius–"

Sirius held up his hand, stopping her from speaking. "Look, you and I both know that I'm not your grandson, all right? You've known my entire life, haven't you?"

A beat passed as Melania peered at him closely. "Not your entire life, no," she clarified, a frown working its way on her face. "We suspected but, it wasn't until you were around four or five that Orion admitted to us that there was a fifty percent chance you weren't actually his. A few months later, Arcturus tested both of your paternity."

Sirius' heart pounded in his chest, threatening to break free, hating the fact that it was definitely confirmed. For some silly reason, Sirius still held out hope that it was all a rouse on Walburga's part to gain favor and power.

"We kept it to ourselves," Melania explained. "We only told Orion the truth. He was… apathetic. Said he didn't care as long as you played the role of heir and he had a successor. That was the deal he made with Walburga apparently before they even wed. They could both do whatever they pleased as long as they didn't embarrass the other one and they named an heir."

Sirius' jaw tightened, his throat expanding oddly. "That's why Arcturus was hard on us. That's why you just watched as he hurt us. We weren't yours anyway. Who gives a fuck, yeah?"

"That's not… Arcturus was equally hard on Orion as well," Melania insisted, rising from her chair.

"I know I wouldn't be able to stand back and watch as a child was hurt," Sirius said in a dangerously low voice. "Arcturus was the worst of them, just so you know. Walburga screamed. She berated you. She told you everything that was wrong with you. She had unique punishments for what she deemed misbehavior. I remember I used to get scolding hot showers if I interacted with a Muggle. Those were always memorable. Orion never cared enough to scream. He treated us like we were merely ants walking around his house, throwing looks of disgust if he crossed our way. Occasionally, he'd have us write lines until our hands cramped and we couldn't even open our fingers. I think it was his way of getting us to shut up and sit down. But Arcturus… he was… he was vile. He was the first person I was truly scared to be around. Regulus would cry whenever we found out we were going to your house."

Melania's chest heaved, her lips drawing into a thin line.

"Don't worry, though, Orion took a few plays out of Arcturus' book eventually," Sirius continued in a dry tone, his limbs twitching as his fingers coiled into tight fists at his side. "I was thirteen when Orion and Walburga started hexing me for being a great source of frustration for the family," he quoted. "I'd be locked up in my room. Denied meals with the family. I was the problem because I wanted to have my own thoughts and feelings. When I was only sixteen, they decided torture me into submission. I ran as far and as fast as I could away from that house. I never looked back. I wanted nothing to do with any of them, ever again."

"I didn't know things had gotten as bad as they did until Alphard showed up at our doorstep a few days before you ran away," Melania explained.

"DON'T LIE!" Sirius shouted, his throat tearing. "You stood and watched Arcturus hurt us! You didn't do a damn thing! You didn't care!"

"I did care!" Melania cried. "What was I supposed to do? Arcturus was the head of the family. He was my husband."

Sirius shook his head. "I have a godson. I know his so-called pathetic family hurt him while I rotted away in Azkaban. The only thing keeping me from slowly torturing them to death for days on end is that Harry needs me. He needs me to protect him. He needs to step up and be his godfather. But anytime he lets something slip, I need to talk myself down from going on a murdering rampage. But I know in my bones that if I actually witnessed anyone so much as a lay a finger on him, I wouldn't be able to stop myself from ripping their bloody throat out."

Melania didn't say anything, not that Sirius wanted to hear anything she had to say. There was no defense that she could make that Sirius would understand. But that wasn't what he had come for. He wanted – no, he needed answers.

"Arcturus is dead," Sirius continued in a dangerously low voice. "So, why'd you do it?"

Melania stared at him, her brows furrowing. "Do what, Sirius?"

Sirius could only think of his naïve nephew as he smiled and chatted excitedly about Quidditch with Harry. His heart ached in his chest.

"Why'd you tell Lucius Malfoy about Cepheus?" Sirius whispered. "He's in danger now. Voldemort wants him. I get he's not your great-grandson, that you have no actual familial connection to him. But Cepheus is only sixteen. He's, he's so innocent. He was raised away from this madness. He had a shot to have a normal life and now you've put that all at risk!"

Melania gaped at him. "What in the world are you talking about?"

"Don't play coy with me, Melania," Sirius snapped. "Malfoy knew his name and everything."

"I'm not in contact with the Malfoys," Melania insisted. "The last time I saw the Malfoy family was around the time Narcissa had her son and Walburga threw a party for her at Grimmauld. I haven't seen or heard from them since."

Sirius shook his head. "I don't believe you."

"I promise you, Sirius. I didn't tell anyone about Cepheus," Melania protested, her hand pressing against her chest. "I know you may not believe me, but I always cared about you and Regulus."

Sirius sneered, his eyes rolling to the ceiling. He wasn't going to get the answers that he sought. Before he could say anything else, he felt the familiar vibrating of his mirror in his back pocket. He reached back to pull it out, trying to hide the glass from Melania's view. Harry's face shined in the mirror. Sirius squared his jaw, not wanting to answer at Melania Black's house of all places. But he knew that if he didn't answer, Harry would start calling everyone he knew and possibly even leave the castle in search for him. Pointing his finger at Melania, bared his teeth.

"Don't say a word," Sirius hissed before he turned his attention back to the mirror.

The kid's bottom lip slid between his teeth.

"Harry Potter," Sirius said into the mirror.

The mirrors connected and Harry let out a sigh, his lip popping out from between his teeth. His green eyes searched Sirius' face and Sirius tried his best not to appear upset.

"Are you all right?" Harry asked.

Sirius smiled tightly. "Yes, can I call you back in a half hour or so? I'm just finishing something up."

Harry shifted. "Where are you?"

Sirius' gaze flickered up to Melania, who peered at him with a soft expression. His eyes snapped back to the mirror. He couldn't lie to the kid, especially not after what had happened last week. Harry would only worry if he sensed a lie.

"I'm with Orion's mother," Sirius settled on.

Harry's brows furrowed. "Why?"

"Honestly, I don't even know why I came," Sirius admitted, because that was the bloody truth.

Sirius didn't expect Melania to admit to betraying Charlotte and Cepheus. He didn't really know what he wanted to gain from the visit. To let her knew that he knew the infamous Black family secret? To shout at a family member he actually despised? Or maybe just being able to let out his frustrations on someone who wasn't Andromeda for once. His cousin took the brunt of his anger and frustration, something that Sirius always felt guilt about afterward.

"I'm all right, promise," Sirius assured him, his brows tugging down. "I'll call you back soon, okay, kid?"

Harry's lips parted but he snapped them shut a moment later. He nodded curtly, and Sirius had no doubt that he would be calling Andromeda or Ted as soon as their connection ceased.

"Okay," Harry settled on saying.

"I will call you as soon as I leave here," Sirius insisted, trying to make his godson feel better.

Harry didn't say anything. Another nod of confirmation. The connection ceased. Sirius clutched the handle of his mirror, his arm falling to his side.

"It wasn't me, Sirius," Melania said in a soft voice. "I know I wasn't the best grandmother to you. You are right. I didn't approve of how Arcturus acted, but I didn't do anything to stop him either. I was taught to be submissive to my husband. I was devoted even if I didn't always like it. While Walburga had a lot of faults and I didn't particularly like her, I always envied her for defying the role of a pureblood wife. She had as much, if not more say than Orion did in their marriage. I wish I had been more vocal about the things I didn't agree with."

"I don't care," Sirius said, his head shaking. "Do you know how many times I took the blame for something Regulus did when I was a fucking child so I'd be punished and not him? I watched out for him. I didn't let our family hurt him. That's what someone who cares does. You just didn't care enough to speak up."

"You don't understand the dynamics, Sirius," Melania insisted.

Sirius shrugged. "I don't, because I would never let anyone hurt someone I love. That's the difference between you and me, I suppose."

"Sirius–"

"I don't want to hear any more," Sirius interrupted, shoving the mirror into his back pocket. "We're done. I never want to see you again. You can live out the rest of your life alone and miserable. If Cepheus or Charlotte dies because of what you did, it will be your fault. Have fun living with that."

Sirius refused to wait for a response. Shoving his hands into the pockets of his leather jacket, he stormed out of the house. He had more important things to do than listen to Melania's pathetic excuses and piss-poor lies.

Harry wiped the sweat off his forehead, his limbs practically vibrating from the intense dual he had just finished with Gawain Robards. The Head Auror didn't hold back. Harry had to scramble to keep up as his Shield shattered within minutes of the dual. Robards had defeated him at least three times, not giving him a break. He immediately demanded he try again. Harry dug the ball of his trainer into the dirt, more frustrated than he could put into words.

He looked over on the back deck to see Sirius standing close to Mrs Robins. Sirius hunched over so that he could whisper in her ear as she leaned into him with a smile dancing on her features. Harry turned back to Robards, waiting to see if they were going to go again.

"Cast your spells faster and non-verbally," Robards barked, crossing the garden towards him.

Harry scowled at him, pulling at his damp hooded sweatshirt. "I'm trying."

"Mouth the spells then," Robards stated. "That's better than shouting."

Harry ground his teeth together. "It's more powerful if I yell it," he reasoned because that was the truth. His spells didn't have the same power to them when he tried them wordlessly.

"Then practice," Robards leveled, his hands on his hips. "You can still feel the power without shouting it. Shout it in your bloody head."

Harry pressed his lips together, trying not to snap at the man considering Harry wanted to be an Auror one day and Robards was the one who would hire him. Truth be told, he didn't like Robards style of teaching. He much preferred when Robards was stuck doing Auror things and Mrs Robins taught him instead. She didn't shout like Robards did, and she explained things in a way Harry understood. It was almost like Robards just expected him to be better given his title as the Chosen One.

"Okay," Harry replied, pushing up his glasses to clean the sweat off his nose.

"Next week, you're doing only non-verbal spells," Robards instructed. "I don't give a shit if you can't knock back a fucking spider, you need better practice."

"All right," Harry said through gritted teeth before he turned his attention back to his godfather.

Sirius and Mrs Robins were still pressed together chatting. Harry narrowed his eyes at them, watching as Mrs Robins ran her hand down Sirius' arm. The two of them seemed impossibly close, something that Harry had always picked up on before but something in their demeanor made him think that there was something there. That was ridiculous though, because wouldn't his godfather tell him if he was seeing someone?

Harry made his way over to the pair, watching them closer than ever. Mrs Robins touched Sirius the same way that Ginny touched Harry with lingering and frequent touches. Sirius had a permanent grin plastered across his face, probably looking like Harry did when he caught sight of Ginny. Upon noticing Harry, Sirius turned his attention to him. Sirius reached out his hand, wrapping his fingers around Harry's shoulder and pulling him close.

"Non-verbal homework, yeah?" Sirius asked. "I think that's part of the sixth-year curriculum as well, so that makes it easier."

"It is," Mrs Robins added, taking a step forward.

Harry nodded. "Yeah, we started last month."

"I'll talk to Remus tonight about it," Sirius assured him. "I'm sure he can come up with a plan to help you master it a bit quicker."

"I'll see you next Sunday, Harry," Mrs Robins said, a smile crossing her features. "I'll see you Tuesday, Sirius."

"See you," Sirius replied, his head nodding in her direction before he turning back to Harry. "Ready, kid?"

Sirius steered out of Robard's back garden, making their way towards the Apparition point down the road. Harry was familiar with the walk at this point, having made it nearly every single weekend since school started. Looking up at Sirius, Harry tried to decide on what to even ask his godfather.

"You're seeing Mrs Robins on Tuesday?" Harry blurted as they reached the road.

Sirius head moved from side to side. "Yeah, we have a stakeout together."

"Are you her partner a lot for Order stuff?" Harry asked, shoving his hands into the front pocket of his hooded sweatshirt.

Sirius shrugged. "I guess, yeah. We work well together. I knew her in school. She was two years ahead of your dad and me. She was Gryffindor prefect before head girl, so she ended up giving us a lot of detentions."

"You two seem… close, I guess," Harry added, watching Sirius' face intently.

Sirius stopped walking, his body turning towards Harry. "Is there something you want to ask me?"

Harry shifted his weight. "Is there something you want to tell me?"

Sirius' eyes searched Harry's face. "Tegan and I are good friends, Harry."

"I don't touch my friends the way you and Mrs Robins touch each other," Harry pointed out, his face wincing. "I mean, I… if you're dating someone, that's fine. I don't care. I just don't know why you'd hide it. I mean, I'm friends with Demelza."

Sirius sucked in a breath, his face pulling. "Look, I don't want to lie to you, all right?"

"Okay…?" Harry trailed off, his brows furrowing.

"Tegan and I are not dating, but… we, err, we are known to, well, you know," Sirius said cryptically.

Harry didn't know. He stared at Sirius, waiting for him to continue.

"You're going to make me fucking say it?" Sirius pressed, his jaw tightening.

"Well, I'd like to know what you're talking about," Harry argued, his annoyance flaring.

Sirius sighed. "Tegan and I occasionally shag, all right?"

Harry felt like a moron. The heat rose up his neck and he was fairly certain his face was beet red as well. What was he supposed to say to that? Whatever Harry thought Sirius would say, it certainly wasn't that he was shagging Mrs Robins. Did Demelza know?

"It's casual, okay?" Sirius added. "We're not together. Neither one of us wants a relationship right now. It's just a spot of fun."

A spot of fun.

The words swished around in his head. He couldn't imagine having a spot of fun with anyone. When he realized he liked Ginny, he wanted to be her boyfriend. He didn't want to just have fun with her, he wanted to be with her. In fact, Harry had never looked at any girl and just wanted to have fun. He had always wanted something more, something meaningful.

"Look, you can't mention this to Demelza," Sirius pressed.

That answered one question Harry had.

"Tegan doesn't tell her about the blokes she… has fun with," Sirius reasoned. "It's why I never told you. It's not… if it was serious, then I would tell you. But I'm not interested in having a girlfriend right now, okay?"

"How long have you been…" Harry trailed off, realizing he really didn't want to know the answer.

"Early September," Sirius answered before Harry could tell him never mind.

Harry held his breath. The only thing Harry could think was what else didn't he know about his godfather? The drinking. Voldemort being Sirius' biological father. The spot of fun relationship with Mrs Robins. What other secrets did Sirius keep from him?

"Right," Harry replied.

Sirius squinted down at Harry. "Does this, uh, does this upset you?"

Harry blinked up at him. "Does what upset me? That you're having a not-relationship with Mrs Robins?" he asked and Sirius nodded. "No, I mean, I don't care. You can date or not-date whoever you want. I just…"

Harry shrugged, a sinking feeling occurring in his chest.

"Harry, talk to me," Sirius pressed.

"You have a lot of secrets," Harry blurted out. "You always go on and on about how we're family and you love me and how close we are. But then you don't tell me anything. You didn't tell me you started drinking again. You didn't tell me about Orion. You didn't tell me about Mrs Robins. I can't help but wonder what else is going on in your life that I have no idea about, because I tell you everything. I actually tell you everything going on in my life."

Sirius stared at him, his eyebrows tugging down. "I'm not purposely keeping anything from you."

"But you don't tell me anything either," Harry pointed out. "We always talk about me and my problems, but we never talk about you or your problems."

Sirius licked his bottom lip, his eyes staring unblinkingly at Harry. "I don't like talking about myself. I've always been this way."

Harry let out a puff of air, unable to stop himself from exploding. "You think this is easy for me? I was told my entire childhood to shut up and sit down! I was told I didn't matter, that my opinions didn't matter, that I wasn't even wanted. No one wanted to hear anything I had to say! Not until you! You made me feel like you cared! For the first time ever, I wanted to tell someone about my thoughts and feelings!"

Sirius stepped forward, his hands gripping Harry's biceps tightly. He bent down until they were eye-level with one another.

"I do care," Sirius insisted in a fierce tone, his gray eyes searching Harry's. "I want to hear all about what you're thinking and how you're feeling. I love that you feel safe enough to have those discussions with me."

"Don't you think I want the same thing?" Harry whispered. "I feel like you're right here and you're so close. But you're just out of reach. I don't want a one-sided relationship with you."

Sirius screwed his eyes shut, his forehead resting against Harry's. "I don't want that either," he croaked, his fingers tightening around Harry's arms. "I'm trying, Harry, I'm trying so hard. I don't mean to omit things. I don't mean to never talk about myself. I don't know why I don't. I don't know why I keep things to myself," he continued, loosening his grip. "I promise, Harry, I promise, it's not you. I don't talk to anyone about anything. But I'll try harder, I'll work on it."

Harry reached up, his fingers wrapping around Sirius' forearms. "Is it because of Azkaban and the depression?"

Sirius' eyes snapped opened, his body pulling away enough so they could look at one another again. "I think a lot of it is, yeah. But I also think it's just who I am. I hear you talk about your childhood and it makes me so sad. Because I understand what it feels like to be raised in an environment where the adults around you expect you to be seen but not heard. I often felt like an accessory, a shiny heir that could be shown off. If I stepped out of line or if I spoke out of turn, I was severely punished. I remember being locked in my room for days on end, not allowed to use the restroom when I needed or being able to eat when I was hungry. It was Walburga's way of showing me who was in control, who was in charge of me."

Harry's heart thumped in his chest, recalling the exact experiences. He remembered the long days and nights locked in his cupboard, trying not to cry because his stomach hurt so bad or how his bladder throbbed. It never stopped, even when he got his own room. Harry hated it, hated feeling like he was some animal locked in a cage for any small indiscretion.

"I'm sorry, Harry," Sirius whispered, tears brimming his eyes. "I'm so sorry that I left you all those years ago. If I could go back, if I knew then what I know now, I never would have left you. I would have taken you and left the fucking country or something. I wouldn't have let you spend even a second with them."

"I know," Harry whispered, his fingers tightening.

"I was broken that night," Sirius continued. "I didn't even want to be alive. I thought all three of you were dead and I… I remember just sitting next to James' body and thinking that I didn't want to live in a world without any Potters. I was definitely suicidal. I remember I burned my arm because I thought I was in a nightmare or something. That it couldn't possibly be true," he explained, his hands easing off Harry's arms so that he could pull back his right sleeve. Harry had seen the burn scar before. "Then I heard you crying. The most incredible sound. And all I could think about was keeping you safe. I thought that meant eliminating Peter. But I was wrong. I was so fucking wrong."

"I know you regret it, Sirius," Harry explained, his vision blurring. "I'm not upset or angry with you for leaving. I understand you were just trying to keep me safe. I blame the Ministry for never giving you a trial. I blame everyone who called you their friend and believed that you could do something so awful."

Sirius nodded, his hands cupping Harry's face. "I learned that being angry at everyone isn't a healthy way to live. I was so angry that year I escaped. All I could think about was murdering Peter. I didn't even care what happened to me as long as I killed Peter first," he explained, his thumbs brushing against Harry's cheeks. "But I kept needing to see you. I went to Little Whinging to check on you first. You were running away from the Dursleys and you were so upset and I just… Merlin, if the Knight Bus hadn't shown up when it did, I probably would have bloody well kidnapped you just to talk to you," Sirius insisted and Harry couldn't help but smile at the words, wishing more than anything that Sirius had talked to him that night. "I couldn't stay away from you at Hogwarts. I watched you at Quidditch practice and during the games. I would sit at the edge of the forest and watch you in Care of Magical Creatures. That night in the Shrieking Shack, I realized I wanted to be with you more than I wanted to kill Peter."

"I hate Pettigrew," Harry admitted. "I think I was wrong that night. I should have let you and Remus kill him."

A strained smile crossed Sirius' face, the wrinkles crinkling prominently at the corners of his eyes. "No, I'm glad we didn't. You were right. Peter dead did nothing for me. Alive, well, alive, I had a shot."

"But he got away so it didn't matter," Harry argued.

Sirius shrugged, his hands dropping to Harry's shoulders. "In the end, yeah, I guess, but I could have been free a lot sooner if that night would have gone in our favor. If we would have shown up with a dead body… the Ministry never would have let me speak."

Harry hated the corruption within the Ministry of Magic. It had been running rampant for decades and still was. Harry had witnessed firsthand how the Ministry had tried to ruin multiple people's lives who fell out of line.

"Sometimes I don't want to be an Auror," Harry admitted. "I don't think I can put up with the corruption."

Sirius chuckled. "Well, you can enact the change that the Ministry desperately needs. You can set the example. You, more than anyone I know, won't bend under pressure. You are too good and too true to yourself."

"They'll just fire me," Harry reasoned.

Sirius laughed. "I'd love to see the headlines trying to explain that!" he exclaimed, his left hand waving between them. "Chosen One fired for deciding everyone should have a trial. How's that for a headline?"

Harry rolled his eyes, a weight easing off his chest as he joked around with Sirius. "I hate that name."

"I'd rather the Chosen One than the Boy Who Lived," Sirius reasoned.

"Can't I just be Harry?"

Sirius smiled. "You can just be Harry to me, how about that?"

Harry returned the smile. "I like that."

"Come on, kid, let's go home for a bit before you have to go back to school," Sirius said, pulling Harry close to his side as they started to walk towards the Apparition point once more. "You can spend all day asking me all your burning questions about my life, if you like."

"I don't even know where to start," Harry admitted.

Sirius rubbed Harry's arm. "How about with a good chat? Like the ones we had in France over the summer. I enjoyed those."

"I did too," Harry agreed.

"But first, I need to talk to you about your ruddy snake that you conjured," Sirius said as they turned into a little alcove of trees. "That damn thing found its way to my house. It has a nasty habit of sneaking into my pockets. I need you to tell it to scram."

Harry frowned, glancing up at his godfather. "Can you not call him an it? I told you he is a he."

Sirius shot him a look, his eyes wide and crazed. "Does it look like I fucking care?"

"Sirius!" Harry exclaimed.

Sirius sighed. "Take him to Hogwarts with you. I don't want him."

Harry cocked his head to the side. "He likes you, despite your grumpiness. He says you're warm like the sun and thinks you smell like pure bliss."

Sirius snorted. "Right poet your snake is."

"Give him a chance," Harry insisted. "Why don't you name him?"

Sirius stared at Harry. "If I name him, it will be something completely moronic like Slithers."

Harry chuckled. "I'll tell him you named him Slithers."

"Please, don't," Sirius insisted. "I don't want him."

Harry rolled his eyes. "I hate to break it to you, but he told me he's not going anywhere."

"Wonderful," Sirius muttered.

Harry peered up at Sirius, noting that he didn't look all that angry in reality despite his tone of voice. For the first time in months, since he had been back at Hogwarts, Harry felt close to Sirius once more. Things had slid back into being easy between them. Harry just hoped that Sirius would stop keeping things from him. Because they were a family. Secrets had no place between them.

I hope you enjoyed the newest chapter! Don't forget to drop a review. They motivate me to keep chugging along and just make all this hard work worth it.

Special thanks to justalittleconfusing for editing. She's a rockstar. I don't know if I mentioned it before, but thanks to funbunny for naming Vidya Patil for me.