"Brumous"
"Chapter Forty-Three: Rosamond Nott"
Remus listened to Nymphadora as she recounted everything that had happened at the Riddle house in Little Hangleton. How Snape had killed three Death Eaters without mercy. How Tegan had dueled another to the death. How Sirius had slit the throat of Lucius Malfoy with a gleam in his eye. How Cepheus had been chained and hurt. Remus wished he could say he was surprised by the events that had taken place, but he honestly wasn't.
It was in that moment, listening to Nymphadora's slightly wavering tone and watching as she wrung her hands, that he was plagued by just how young she truly was. Remus had lived through a war before, had seen so much death and destruction. He had already seen the very worst of humanity. All Nymphadora had seen had been wizards selling illicit potions and Dark artifacts. The battles she had been a part of so far in the war had been with fellow Aurors whose main goal was to apprehend. The senseless murdering during a war wasn't something she had been exposed to yet. But Remus feared it wouldn't be long until that was a daily norm. It was inevitable as Voldemort gained more influence and power.
Remus had seen it all before. The war last time had escalated in the same manner it was this time around. Remus only hoped this war would have a different ending. He didn't want to bury any more loved ones.
"Was I naïve?" Nymphadora asked when she finished her story. "It seemed like everyone else knew that we had to kill everyone there. I just thought, well, what if they had information? Shouldn't we try to arrest them in case we could have flipped one?"
Remus sucked in a breath, his hand clasping over hers. "War isn't fair. War isn't pretty. War can't be wrapped up in a nice box with a bow on top. The rules and ethics you abide by as an Auror can't apply in a war setting. I don't think you're naïve, Dora. I think that you've never lived through a war before."
Nymphadora's gray eyes searched his. "I've never killed anyone before," she admitted in a soft tone.
Remus nodded, his thumb brushing against her knuckles. "I can guarantee you that Sirius and Snape have. I would assume Tegan has as well. This brutality that's starting to happen around us, it was around towards the end of the last war. You couldn't trust anyone. You had to constantly watch your back. I attended more funerals in a span of six months than I have ever attended in my entire life. The war right here and now is starting to look like it did during the first one. It's only going to get worse if we continue to follow the same trajectory."
"Have you killed before?" Nymphadora asked in barely above a whisper.
Remus' insides twisted. He had killed werewolves before who had discovered he had been spying on them for Dumbledore. It was him or them. He had killed before to gain favor in the werewolf packs. Not complying would mean death. Remus wasn't proud of what he had done, but he had done it in order to survive. That's what they had all been trying to do. Just survive.
"Yes."
Nymphadora nodded, looking exhausted. Her fingers brushed against his cheek as she leaned in to press her lips against his. It was light and chaste. Pulling back, her forehead rested against his.
"I think I'm going to go to bed," Nymphadora announced. "It's been an evening."
Remus bid her goodnight, watching her leave the parlor and disappear down the hall towards the bedroom. Wiping his hands on his trousers, he decided to pay Sirius a visit. Sirius should have known better. He knew she was young. He knew she hadn't truly understood just how brutal war could be. He sure of hell should have told her what to expect on a mission like that.
Within ten minutes, Remus found himself outside of Sirius' house. It took a few minutes of knocking for Sirius to open a door in nothing but a pair of boxer briefs, an annoyed expression stretching across his face. His hair looked like it was fit for a Potter.
"What?" Sirius demanded.
"Can I come in?" Remus pressed.
Sirius rolled his eyes, stepping aside and making a grand swooping gesture with his hand. Remus bit his tongue as he entered. Turning around, he watched as Sirius closed the door and then ran his fingers through his hair to smooth it down effortlessly.
"Do you want to get dressed before we talk?" Remus asked.
"No, because I was fucking sleeping and I intend to go right back to fucking bed when you leave," Sirius snapped. "Besides, it's not like we haven't seen each other naked before. Living together in a dorm for seven years gives you very little privacy."
Remus sighed. "Merlin, you and James were terrible with that."
Sirius shrugged, crossing his arms over his chest and leaning against the banister. "What do you want, Remus?"
"You didn't properly prepare Dora for the rescue mission," Remus cut straight to the chase. "You know she's young and hasn't lived through a war before."
Sirius stared at him. "She's an Auror. I thought she'd anticipate what needed done if we were discovered."
"She just qualified to be an Auror two years ago," Remus argued. "And she's idealistic! She doesn't go for the kill. She goes for the arrest."
"Well, I think she learned last night that deadly force is needed when it comes to Death Eaters," Sirius said in a lazy tone.
"You're such a prat, Sirius," Remus concluded, his head shaking.
"Oh, you want to talk about being a prat, do you?" Sirius challenged.
Remus ground his teeth, irritation rising through every fiber of his being. Sirius could be excruciatingly annoying when he wanted to be.
"Sure, Sirius, tell me how big of a prat I am," Remus bit out in a sarcastic tone.
Sirius kicked off the banister, rising to his full height and squaring his shoulders. He would have been intimidating if he wasn't half-naked.
"How about the fact that you don't give two shits about the feelings of your dead best friend's sixteen-year-old kid," Sirius challenged.
Remus rolled his eyes. "Not this again."
"Why are you even attending the Horcrux meetings?" Sirius challenged. "You show up like you care but then you treat him with such indifference that I want to smack your head against the wall."
"I don't treat him with indifference," Remus challenged, his voice rising. "Just because I don't call him every bloody night like you do doesn't mean that I don't care!"
"You never call him!" Sirius shouted back. "He told me he doesn't think you care!"
Remus stilled at the words, his brows furrowing. "He said that?"
Sirius pointed his index finger at Remus. "Harry lost everything the night James and Lily died. He lost his parents, his entire family, his home, his innocence, his childhood. He has been battling to survive ever since that night, growing up in an abusive household where he was told he wasn't loved or wanted on a consistent basis. Harry has a hard time trusting people, adults especially. He fucking likes you, Remus. He's desperate for connections to his dead family."
Remus looked up at the ceiling. "I teach him Defense because he didn't want to be around Snape anymore after what he did to Marlene. I attend every single Horcrux meeting with him, ready to put my life on the line to make sure he accomplishes the deadly tasks he's being forced to carry out. I–"
"You need to be all in or all out with him," Sirius interrupted. "He was so severely emotionally abused and neglected that if you're not all in, then he doesn't think you care. That's not his fault. That's not your fault. That's not my fault. That's just the way he is because of decade-long abuse the Dursleys inflicted upon him."
"Sirius–"
Sirius held up a hand. "I'm not done! You want to come to my house and chastise me because I didn't properly prepare a fucking Auror who is an adult that should have been prepared to kill on a mission in one of Voldemort's strongholds, but you can't admit that you have been cold and indifferent to an abused orphaned kid who is struggling as he's thrust to the front of the battlefield."
Remus' chest heaved.
"He's not James," Sirius whispered, his shoulders sagging. "He's not some happy-go-lucky bloke like James was. He's not always laughing and pulling pranks like James was. He isn't capable of listening to people's problems and knowing exactly what to say and do like James was. He wasn't loved so unconditionally that he's an arrogant little berk where nothing bothers him like James was. He's a kid who doesn't trust people. He's a kid who needs reassurances that you care. He's a kid who bottles everything up inside of him until it's literally bursting at the seams. He's a kid who is hesitant with everyone he meets until he becomes comfortable around you, then you can't bloody well shut him up. He's a kid who craves attention and affection but will never ask for it. He's a kid who knows everyone expects him to fight Voldemort to the death and he's working himself to the bone to prepare for it."
Remus shifted his weight, his chest twisting.
"If you don't want to be anything more to Harry, that's fine," Sirius continued. "But you need to just back off completely if that's the case. I know I have you listed as guardian in my will if anything happens to me, but I can change that to Andy and Ted if you want me to. If you want to have a relationship with him, then you need to step up. I'm not saying you have to call him nightly like I do or, or be any sort of guardian to him. But you need to call him to check in on him or at least write him a bloody letter. You have to let him know you care. Stop being fucking Professor Lupin for Merlin's sake."
Remus sighed, not knowing what to say. He cared for Harry. He certainly didn't want the kid to die at the hands of Voldemort or any Death Eater. Most of all, he felt some sense of duty to James to keep his kid safe. James who offered him friendship, who became an Animagus for him, who made him feel welcome and normal for the first time in his life. Honestly, Remus never even thought that Harry wanted anything more in a relationship with him than he already had. Harry had Sirius, his godfather, after all. Remus had always assumed it was Sirius pushing for him to be more to Harry, not that Harry himself wanted it.
"I didn't know Harry felt that way," Remus admitted. "I don't want him to think I don't care. I do care."
"I told him that," Sirius insisted. "But you have to show him. You have to tell him. Harry lacks some… emotional intelligence, in my opinion. I think he's come a long way being loved as unconditionally as he is when it comes to me, Ted, and Andy. All three of us make the point to tell him that as well as show him. I think the Weasleys standing by him no matter the danger that comes from being close to him has helped him as well. But Harry needs things spelled out for him. He's very uncertain when it comes to emotions and understanding social dynamics."
Remus nodded. "No, no, I've seen that in him. I understand that. I just… I didn't know I mattered to him."
"You're his dad's and godfather's best mate, Remus," Sirius replied in an exasperated tone. "You think so little of yourself. You always assume nobody wants anything to do with you or they'd be better off without you. There are a ton of people who care about you."
Remus' chest tightened uncomfortably. His life had been infinitely better since he welcomed Nymphadora into his life and stopped fighting his feelings. He had been ecstatic to have Sirius back in his life. Despite all of Sirius' faults and his own emotional detachment issues, Sirius had been his friend and had become an illegal Animagus for him as well.
"I'll talk to Harry," Remus decided. "I want to help him. I want to hunt down these Horcruxes with you. I want to help keep him safe."
Sirius offered him a strained smile. "Just be sure you're doing it for Harry and not for James."
Remus searched Sirius' pained expression.
"James gave us Harry and connected us, but I've loved him since the moment I held him in the hospital. I remember…" Sirius trailed off, his eyes sliding shut. "I remember thinking how tiny and innocent he was. I remember thinking that I couldn't believe anyone had ever been so small," he continued as he opened his eyes and let out a long sigh. "I knew, in that moment, looking down at this sleeping baby in my arms, that I would die for him. That I would spend my entire life making sure he was happy and healthy. And I fucked up. I broke that promise. I'm trying to make up for it every single day. And I don't want you to feel the same regrets I do."
Remus nodded, his hands stuffing into his trouser pockets. He observed Sirius, having quite a few things he wanted to say to his friend but hadn't so they wouldn't fight. But if Sirius was going to lay it all out there over and over again, maybe Remus should voice his concerns as well.
"Can I say something that I think you need to hear as well?" Remus asked.
Sirius smiled ruefully. "Sure, Remus."
"You're running, Sirius," Remus started, watching as Sirius' face fell. "You're running away from Marlene. You're running away from our old friendship group. You're putting as much distance between yourself and your past as you possible can to the point that I'm surprised you even still talk to me as much as you do. I'm not entirely sure that you have properly grieved James' and Lily's deaths. It's not healthy."
Sirius stared at Remus, his face dragging down as deep lines appeared in his forehead and between his brows. It needed to be said. As hard as it was to go out with Marlene and Mary the other week, Remus was glad he went.
"Marlene and I are… we're two different people now," Sirius explained, his brow furrowing. "I'm not the same person I was at twenty-one. I doubt she's the same person she was either given everything she's been through. I… grieved Marlene's death. I accepted that she died. I buried a casket with her wand and the engagement ring I bought her. Marlene died that day. A piece of me died that day. I don't know…" he trailed off, shrugging. "I don't know what to do about it. As for Mary, I mean, we were never particularly close. She was more Lily's friend than anything. Lily was the one who brought her into the group. And, and James and Lily… I... I miss them. I look at Harry and I think they should be here instead of me. Harry should have his parents and not his fuck-up godfather. I feel like I'm just… trying to move on. I just want to move on, Remus."
"You can't move on until you accept the past," Remus pressed. "Marlene wants to talk with you. She wants to see you."
Sirius' gaze flickered to the ceiling. "I understand."
"Sirius…"
"I'm in a relationship with Tegan, all right?" Sirius snapped, his gaze focusing on Remus once more. "What am I supposed to do? Go see my ex and have some long heartfelt conversation with her about our tragic past and, and gain what from it?"
"Closure," Remus insisted.
Sirius let out a humorless chuckle. "Closure. Right. Yeah."
Remus could see Sirius shutting down. There was no use talking to him when he was like this.
"Just… think about it," Remus pressed. "That's all I ask. You want me to make things right with Harry. I want you to make things right with Marlene."
"Harry's a child, Remus," Sirius snapped, a sneer working its way across his face.
"He is," Remus agreed. "You put Harry first and that's amazing. I'm not discounting that. Harry needs that right now. What he also needs is a godfather who is happy and takes care of himself. A godfather who doesn't have such a low opinion about himself. You're not a fuck-up, Sirius. You're not a horrible godfather. On the contrary, I believe you are the only guardian that's right for Harry. You understand him in ways no one else does because of your own abusive childhood. Harry needs someone who understands him without having to speak. But he needs to see that despite the abuse and all the bad things that have happened to him, he can grow up and be a confident functioning member of society. He can only realize that if he sees that in you. And I think the Mind Healer and the potion is a good start. But one day… one day you have to face your past and come to terms with it."
Sirius didn't say anything. He didn't even move a muscle.
"Goodbye, Sirius," Remus said with a tight smile. "I'm here to talk if you want."
With that, Remus nodded in his friend's direction before he let himself out. There was nothing more to say to Sirius without him blowing his lid. All he could do at this point is hope he got through to Sirius as much as Sirius got through to him. He would be better for Harry. He would be there for Harry. He'd make damn sure Harry knew that from now on. The next time he saw Harry for his Defense lesson, Remus was going to tell him.
Sirius knew he shouldn't. He really fucking knew that. But he couldn't help himself, especially after there was no going back to bed after Remus left. Remus' words replayed in his head like a mantra. He needed to face his past. Well, all-fucking-right. He would. Just not with who Remus wanted him to.
Besides, he had time to kill before he was to meet with Harry and Cepheus at Hogwarts.
He needed to know why Rosamond did what she did. Was it self-preservation? Was she deeper in Voldemort's inner circle than he thought? Was she only doing it to save her son? More importantly than why, Sirius needed to know the how. While she had told Sirius about Cepheus and Charlotte, he had no clue how she actually found out Charlotte's address. The only people who knew where exactly she lived were Melania and Sirius. He hadn't even given Andromeda the address.
He followed Rosamond as soon as she left her house. She wore Muggle clothing, a tight little pencil skirt and a fashionable coat. She even had on one of those posh little hats that Muggle women liked to wear. Sirius hung back, trailing after her, watching where she went.
Sirius wondered how he could get her alone, watching as she went into store after store after fucking store. Annoyance clung to his skin. How long could one person bloody well shop for? Honestly, it reminded him of Andromeda's shopping excursions. Sirius wanted to bang his head against a wall a few hours in when he went out with his cousin. Tailing Rosamond while she did it was no different.
His opportunity presented itself a good three hours in. She slipped into an alleyway with all of her bags. Sirius walked in behind her, discreetly pulling his wand and casting a charm on his shoes so they wouldn't click against the asphalt. Rosamond kept her back towards him as she stopped, laying her bags down behind a bin. She shrunk the bags before putting them in a larger bag, obliviously that she was not alone. Sirius cast Muffliato so no one would overhear them. But Rosamond detected the spell, her body snapping to look at him.
Sirius grabbed her arms and slammed her against the brick wall. His left hand squeezed her chin and pushed it back as hard as he could against the building. He pushed his knee between her legs, pinning the fabric of her skirt against the wall and locking her legs in place. She squirmed underneath him, though she didn't scream. He could see the flicker of fear in her eyes. That pleased Sirius more than he was willing to admit.
"You played me," Sirius hissed through clenched teeth, his heart hammering against his rib cage. "Did you think I wouldn't find out? Did you think I wouldn't care?"
Rosamond let out a humorless laugh. "What did you expect, Sirius? I'm stuck. I have to do what I have to do in order to survive. Cepheus was who the Dark Lord wanted. He knew I was the only one who could even attempt to gain your trust because of our history."
History. Right. Just because he had been best friends once upon a time with her. But wasn't that the truth? He had trusted her because they had been so close at one point in their lives.
Sirius' lips pulled in a thin line, pushing that thought to the back of his mind. "And Fidelius?"
"The charm cannot be broken," Rosamond admitted. "The Dark Lord figured that out. Instead of killing the man, the Dark Lord thought it'd be wise to have me tell you where he was. He thought it would make you trust me more, not even consider that I should be a concern. An easy rescue mission. A nice little win for you."
Sirius sneered. He had thought Rosamond had just provided them good intel. Never once had he assumed it was all a ploy. Sirius wanted to scream. He was the same bloody moron at thirty-seven that he was at twenty-one.
"I never told you Charlotte's address," Sirius pushed.
"You didn't have to tell me," Rosamond admitted. "The Dark Lord just needed you to know it."
Sirius' brows furrowed. He dug his nails into her cheeks and she winced. Sirius wasn't in the mood for mind games.
"Tell me how he knew then," Sirius pressed. "Or I'll kill you. And I'll kill your kid."
"You wouldn't harm a child," Rosamond insisted in a strained voice. "You may be a murderer, but you wouldn't harm a child."
Sirius drew his face close to hers, his jaw jutting out. "Do you want to test that theory? You harmed my nephew. An eye for an eye. I always liked equal justice."
Rosamond's eyes searched his stoic face. He knew, deep down, he probably couldn't hurt a sixteen-year-old kid. The kid was the same age as Harry, probably forced into doing things he didn't want to do because his family was fucking mad enough to follow a psychotic wizard. But Rosamond didn't need to know that. He just had to make her believe he could and would.
"Think really hard, Sirius, and I'm sure you can figure it out," Rosamond said through gritted teeth. "Who's the one person who's vulnerable that you're close with?"
Sirius stared at Rosamond, his brain frantically trying to process her words. "I'm not playing your games, Rosamond. Tell me now."
Sirius pressed his body into hers to keep her still, his hand reaching down for his wand in pocket. He pressed the tip to her throat, his other hand still secure on her face.
"You think a kid is going to be proficient enough in Occlumency to keep the Dark Lord out at all times?" Rosamond said in a rush, her gaze focused on the wand. "You're a fool if you think he's not sneaking into his mind undetected. He doesn't even know he's there half the time. The Dark Lord knows you're with him every Sunday, helping him train, taking him home with you. It just took a gaze at a piece of parchment to tell him everything he needed to know."
Harry.
Sirius' grip eased from her face as he took a step back. His chest constricted, tighter and tighter until Sirius couldn't bloody well breathe properly. Sirius and Harry both had lived under a false sense of security. They thought Harry's mental walls were well established. They thought Harry could detect an invasion of his mind.
But they had been fools. Moreso, Sirius had been a fool. He was the adult, the caretaker, the one who should have fucking known better. Sirius had let Harry down as much as he let Cepheus and Charlotte down.
"You're not going to win, Sirius," Rosamond whispered, straightening up. "There are things that I know that you can't even begin to dream about."
Sirius nodded, his jaw clenching.
"He's immortal," Rosamond continued, a manic grin crossing her face. "You've seen to that. He was resurrected, defying all laws of magic and nature. You'd be better off giving yourself over to him. He'll forgive all of your past indiscretions because you're his son."
Sirius stared at her, his brows tugging down. He wondered if all the Death Eaters knew at this point who he really was. Honestly, that could bite him in the arse concerning the Ministry and the Order if the wrong people found out.
"He knows you know," Rosamond said in a soft voice. "He saw you telling Harry. He was right here, the entire time. He checks in on you two when he has the time."
Sirius shoved his hands into the pockets of his leather jacket. He had nothing to say to that. What could he even do about that information? He couldn't stop seeing Harry and training him. He certainly couldn't bloody well tell the kid his mind wasn't entirely his own, that they had failed to properly secure his mind. Harry would be devastated, he would withdraw, he could do something completely stupid.
Sirius wracked his brain, trying to figure out if they had ever talked about Horcruxes on a Sunday or anytime outside of their discussions with Dumbledore. He didn't think they did. They were always talking about training, school, and normal stuff. Sirius knew he'd have to be careful about what they talked about together when they think they're alone. He'd have to tell Dumbledore, figure out a plan on how to shut down Harry's mind permanently.
"You can tell your master that he can fuck off," Sirius said in a dangerously low voice. "I will never stand by his side, not after he killed James and Lily. I sure as hell won't while he's hunting down my godson. I love Harry more than anyone. More than him, certainly. I have zero affection for that man."
"Don't be a fool, Sirius," Rosamond insisted. "You should join him if you want to live. And, well, I have another incentive for you. If you wanted to… I'm now a sad little widow. Do I have you to thank for that?"
Sirius scoffed in disbelief, taking a step back. "I wouldn't even dare think of touching you, not after what you did."
Rosamond arched an eyebrow. "There're rumors you're with that Auror. What's her name? Robins, isn't it? People have seen you out in the Muggle world with her, on your little dates. What does she have that I don't? I know you, Sirius," she insisted, taking a step forward and touching his arm. "I know all your deep, dark secrets. I've known you your entire life. I know you better than anyone. Tell me, Sirius, does Robins know that you're the Dark Lord's son?"
Sirius jeered, jerking away from her touch. "She has more class in her little finger than you have in your entire fucking body. You're filth, Rosamond. You're beneath me. You are nothing but a cold and heartless social climber who is incapable of loving anyone. I feel sorry for you and I feel sorry for your son to be cursed with a mother like you."
Rosamond's nostrils flared, her chin jutting up.
"You. Disgust. Me," Sirius said in a low tone, emphasizing each word. "Your husband isn't even in the ground yet."
"Not all of us were lucky enough to get out of our betrothals," Rosamond hissed, her teeth clenched. "Must be nice sitting up on your high Hippogriff."
"Whatever sympathy I may have held for you months ago is gone," Sirius explained. "I loathe that I ever cared about you. I hate that my entire childhood is tainted by your existence. I really thought you had changed. Fool me once and all that shit, right?"
Sirius took two steps back. He itched to grab his wand, to show her just how much he hated her. But he held back. Who knew who could be lurking nearby and see him committing an awful crime.
"I did what I had to do!" Rosamond shouted, her neck jutting forward like a snapping turtle. "You don't get to judge me!"
"Tell Narcissa that she can rot with you," Sirius said, his tongue peeking out to lick his bottom lip. "I hope she suffers at Voldemort's hand. You can't have it both ways. You both chose the wrong side."
Sirius looked down the alleyway, trying to see if anyone was lingering close by. When he didn't detect anyone, he Apparated as close to Hogwarts as the wards would allow.
He strolled past the Aurors without a word, his head down and his gaze focused on putting one foot in front of the other. He needed to talk to Dumbledore about Harry. They needed a plan on how to close down Harry's mind completely. Occlumency wasn't the solution. There had to be something more. Sirius worried that the connection couldn't be closed completely, not with the Horcrux intact inside of him.
Dumbledore was in the entryway talking with Professor Sinistra. Sirius made his way towards them, his face drawn into a thin line. Dumbledore turned to face him, knowing immediately that Sirius needed to discuss something with him and it couldn't wait. Excusing himself from the conversation, Dumbledore gestured for Sirius to follow him towards his office. They walked in an uncomfortable silence.
Upon entering the office, Sirius gripped the back of the chair since he didn't feel like sitting down. He straightened his elbows, leaning away from the chair. Dumbledore took his normal spot behind his desk.
"Voldemort's still in Harry's head," Sirius cut straight to the chase, because he never was one for pleasantries. "That's how he knew where Charlotte was. Harry saw the parchment in my house with the address. He's been slipping in and out of Harry's mind this entire time undetected."
Dumbledore folded his hands on the desk and leaned forward. "How did you come across this information?"
"Rosamond Nott told me," Sirius explained, snapping his gaze up to the headmaster. "I'm inclined to believe it. I didn't tell anyone what the address was. There's been very limited people who have had access to my house, all of whom I trust implicitly. She also said Voldemort knows I know I'm his son. He saw me telling Harry apparently."
Dumbledore nodded, looking worn and just plain old. Despite gray hair and wrinkles, Sirius had always thought him looking younger than his age. There had always been a youthful jubilance to him. In the past year and a half, Sirius had watched as Dumbledore started to look more like his age. The permanent frown, the twinkle gone from his eyes, the way he carried himself. The stress of the war had been tearing him down slowly. Sirius could see the change in him from the first war to this war. Then again, Sirius had noticed it in others who had fought in the first war as well. The weariness, the exhaustion, the plummeting hope. Sirius sure as hell felt it.
"May I inquire who has had access to your home, Sirius?" Dumbledore asked.
"Andy and Ted. Remus and Dora. Molly and Arthur. Tegan. Harry and Ginny," Sirius listed off. "Bill and Fleur helped me with the wards on it."
Dumbledore settled back in his chair. "I am inclined to believe that Rosamond is telling the truth."
Sirius' jaw tightened. "What if he knows we're hunting Horcruxes?"
Dumbledore offered Sirius a strained smile. "I am not a fool, Sirius. I have always discreetly checked Harry's mind to ensure that Lord Voldemort is not lurking there before we discuss Horcruxes. I have considered placing mind blocks on certain information within in mind, but I fear Lord Voldemort would detect them and relentlessly attempt to break them."
Yeah, that was a nonstarter. It would be putting a sign over Harry's head that said attack me now.
"Have the two of you discussed them outside of my office?" Dumbledore inquired.
Sirius shook his head. "I don't believe we have, but I could be wrong."
Dumbledore merely nodded, his fingers steepling as he pressed the tips of his fingers to his chin.
"This connection…" Sirius trailed off, choosing his words very carefully. "I need to know what you know about it. I told you about Voldemort being my biological father. I trusted you even though every fiber of my being screamed for me not to. I need to know everything you know or suspect."
Dumbledore observed Sirius carefully, his hands falling onto his desk. Sirius held the gaze, refusing to look away.
"I'm his godfather," Sirius whispered in a fierce tone. "James and Lily entrusted me to keep him safe and help guide him through this if they couldn't. I need to know."
"It's a very delicate situation, Sirius," Dumbledore replied.
"We can keep this between us," Sirius pressed, his fingers tightening around the chair until his fingers ached. "I love Harry more than anyone. I know you think I'm reckless, that I tell him too much about what's going on. I wish more than anything Harry could be a kid, that he could be just sixteen. I'd love if his only worries in life were about Quidditch and where to take his girlfriend on a date. But he's not a kid. I'm not sure he ever was a kid."
"I do not recruit children into the Order, Sirius," Dumbledore insisted, his features tugging downward. "I know Harry's case is unique in that he's a very focal part of this war, but he is so young."
Sirius nodded, trying to keep his temper in check. "Harry has a very deep mistrust of adults. I've noticed it more and more over the years. Somehow, I have broken down those barriers. He tells me things. He confides in me. In turn, I tell him things as well. Nothing that I don't think he can handle or that he shouldn't know. There have been things I do keep from him about the war. Things that he doesn't need to know or things he can't know. I understand that this connection between Harry and Voldemort is beyond anything any of us can fully comprehend. But as his guardian, I need to know. There's no doubt in my mind that if James was here that you would have already answered all of his questions. I know I'm not anyone to you. I'm not a Potter in your mind. But I am Harry's family whether you like it or not. I'm as good as he's got for a father."
Dumbledore splayed his fingers against his desk. "There are things that I suspect that Harry nor Lord Voldemort can ever know. It is a matter of life and death for Harry."
Sirius leaned forward. He wanted Dumbledore to admit it. Admit that Harry had a Horcrux buried deep inside of him. He needed Dumbledore to tell him what he suspected they needed to do about it.
Sirius propped his elbows up on the back of the chair, his gaze staring at Dumbledore hard. "I will do anything to ensure Harry survives. Unless… unless you don't want to tell me because you don't want him to survive or you think he can't."
"I ensure you, Sirius, I would be devastated if Harry does not survive this," Dumbledore said in a sincere tone, his eyebrows dropping down. "But I fear there is only one way for Harry to survive. The stars must align just perfectly for it to be accomplished."
"Tell me," Sirius insisted, his insides churning.
Dumbledore peered at Sirius over the tops of his moon-shaped glasses, a grave expression crossing his worn face.
"I told you that I believe Harry's capacity to love will be the ultimate demise of Lord Voldemort," Dumbledore started slowly. "That the power Lord Voldemort knows not is love, a concept he has very little understanding about."
"So what? Harry has to love him to death?" Sirius said in a sarcastic tone.
"Lily gave her life for her son, manifesting very ancient and powerful magic," Dumbledore continued, ignoring Sirius' comment. "I believe that the only way to rid the world of Lord Voldemort is for Harry to willingly sacrifice himself for his loved ones, as his mother did for him."
Sirius' heart plummeted to the ground. "There has to be another way."
"We talk a lot about Horcruxes, Sirius," Dumbledore said, his eyes searching Sirius'. "It is unfathomable that Lord Voldemort has split his soul as many times as he has. You know that a Horcrux can allow you to live forever or it can destroy you if improperly done. I believe it was your great-grandfather, or I suppose Orion's grandfather, Sirius whom you are named after that attempted and failed to create a Horcrux. It was how Walburga and the rest of the Black family knew so much about the topic."
Sirius nodded, bile rising in his throat. "I've heard that."
"I told you before, I believe that Lord Voldemort was able to split his soul as many times as he did because of the Gaunt blood that runs through his veins," Dumbledore explained. "But a soul split so many times, it would be unstable. Who's to say parts of a soul couldn't split even more without knowledge?"
Sirius' heart pounded in his chest.
"When Lily gave her life for her son, when she manifested a protection based upon sheer love and devotion, it caused a shield around Harry," Dumbledore continued. "The Killing Curse not only rebounded off Harry, allowing him to survive, but it stripped Lord Voldemort of his body. It tore down all wards and charms around the house. The Fidelius Charm, a charm that has never been broken nor can anyone figure out how to break it, broke that night. Who is to say that an unstable soul couldn't be split again from the sheer force of a rebounded Killing Curse?"
"You're saying that… that what?" Sirius asked, though he already knew. "A piece of Voldemort's soul is where?"
"I believe it latched onto the only living thing in the room – Harry himself," Dumbledore concluded.
Sirius' eyes slid shut. His fucked-up hallucination with James had been real. This is exactly what he told him, that Dumbledore suspected this.
"It would explain their connection and how Harry can speak Parseltongue," Dumbledore explained.
"So, Voldemort can't die unless Harry dies?" Sirius asked in a flat tone, his entire body trembling.
"I think that if Harry willingly sacrifices himself in the ultimate act of love and devotion, like his mother did for him, it will kill the Horcrux but not kill him," Dumbledore elaborated. "But Harry cannot know this. He has to sacrifice himself of his own volition. This part is imperative, Sirius. This is the power the Dark Lord knows not."
Sirius swallowed. "What if you're wrong?"
"I do not claim to be omniscient, Sirius, but rather optimistic that I am correct in my assumptions," Dumbledore replied, his face grim.
Sirius shook his head. "That's not good enough. I can't let him sacrifice himself and, and hope for the fucking best!"
"There are very few ways a Horcrux can be destroyed, all of which leave the object beyond repair," Dumbledore elaborated. "Yet, I do not think Harry is fully a Horcrux. While murder is a very important component in creating a Horcrux, Lord Voldemort did not have time to perform the subsequent ritual associated with it. I think Harry merely has a shard of Voldemort's soul residing within him, where his scar is on his forehead due to the fact that is where he feels his pain when Lord Voldemort is near. Lord Voldemort, I believe, could destroy his own soul shard without destroying Harry."
Sirius was well-versed in blood magic. Orion had obsessed over it, like many pureblooded families tended to. It was a branch of magic that had long gone out of style but purebloods clung to it like it was a lifeline.
Sirius' fists clenched. "Could another Riddle destroy the Horcrux? Could I destroy it but not destroy him since the same blood pumps through my veins?"
"Blood magic is a volatile form of magic," Dumbledore said, leaning back in his chair and folding his hands in his lap. "It's why it is so frowned upon in society now."
Sirius' eyes searched Dumbledore face, his mind wandering to the conversation he had with the man about his parentage and the gifts of the Gaunt family.
"You told me that Gaunts can use a snake's slouched skin in potions that can't be replicated by other wizards," Sirius recalled, squinting at the headmaster. "Is that true or just rumor?"
"Yes, there was a Potioneer named Ominis Gaunt in the late 1800s and early 1900s," Dumbledore explained. "He worked at St. Mungo's and he used snakes' slouched skin, blood, and organs in potions that cured wizards with terminal diseases. When other Potioneers tried to replicate his potions, they failed at every single turn. The potions never seemed to work unless Ominis was the one to brew them. Some wizards thought he was gatekeeping secrets and some were afraid of him. He was murdered in his home as a result."
Sirius snorted. "Yeah, that seems really helpful. Murder the only person who can brew life-saving potions."
"Alas, that is what happened, I'm afraid," Dumbledore commented. "People often fear what they cannot understand. They thought him a Dark wizard, worrying that his potions would have adverse effects but they never did."
Sirius nodded. "Could I do something like that?"
"I suppose you could, but I'm not a Potioneer, Sirius. I would have no idea where to even begin," Dumbledore lamented. "Severus, on the other ha–"
"No," Sirius interrupted. "I refuse to tell him who my biological father is."
Dumbledore's bushy eyebrows raised up. "Even if it could save Harry's life?"
Sirius' jaw tightened, his heart hammering so harsh in his chest that it ached. "I don't trust him."
"Think on it, Sirius," Dumbledore insisted. "I promise you that Severus has many regrets in life much like yourself."
Sirius gave a curt nod. "Do you think I could save him with some magical snake potion?"
Dumbledore sighed. "Alas, I do not know, Sirius. You are more than welcome to try. While this information should not be given freely, you will need help. Your expertise lies in Transfiguration and Defense. I don't recall you being a master Potioneer nor even interested in the topic while at school. Horace Slughorn always praised Andromeda for her skills with a cauldron. If you feel comfortable, you may bring her into the fold to help you. But be warned, Sirius, it will be you that needs to brew the potion. Andromeda can only help you with verbal instruction."
Sirius swallowed. "Where do I start?"
Dumbledore frowned. "I must admit, I was never much for potions either. Like you, I exceled more with a wand than a cauldron."
Sirius bowed his head with a heavy heart.
"I did not know you acquired a snake, Sirius," Dumbledore said.
Sirius opened his eyes to see Fluffernoodle peeking out of the sleeve of his leather jacket. His little head laid on the back of his hand. He had become so used to the snake gliding across his body that he hadn't even noticed. Sirius swallowed at the lump in his throat.
"Harry conjured him," Sirius replied, his eyes flickering up to meet Dumbledore's gaze. "He wanted to know if I could speak Parseltongue. The snake wouldn't leave. But he saved my life at the Riddle house. Malfoy had me pinned and the snake bit him. I decided he wasn't so bad after that."
"Interesting," Dumbledore replied, his eyes staring at Fluffernoodle's green head. "Very interesting."
Sirius didn't know how to respond to that. He straightened to his full height, peering down at Dumbledore.
"I trust you to keep me updated," Dumbledore continued.
Sirius nodded curtly before seeing himself out. His mind swam with possibilities, wishing more than anything that Fleamont was alive to help him figure out a potion to save Harry's life using a snake. For the first time in his life, he wished James and him hadn't goofed off as much as they did in Potions. They had been stupid little berks, deeming the subject not worth their attention. Sirius was certainly the least versed in potion making, lacking in that area of magic more than any other.
Glancing down at his watch, he realized it was almost time to meet Harry in the infirmary. Sirius shoved his hands into the pockets of his leather jacket. Fluffernoodle uncurled from his wrist and settled in the bottom of his pocket. Sirius made his way towards the other end of the school.
When Sirius walked into the infirmary, he froze. Marlene sat on the edge of Cepheus' bed, a warm grin spreading across her face. Cepheus laughed, a very soft smile on his lips. It was slight but it was also something given everything that he had been through. Marlene had always been good at making someone laugh despite how shitty a situation was. Or maybe she was just good at making Blacks laugh in a shit situation. Well, not even Blacks, Sirius supposed. Perhaps she could force Voldemort to laugh to death with her special touch when it came to Riddles.
As though sensing his presence, Marlene turned her head. Their eyes met. Her smile fell just a tad, her eyes searching his. Sirius forced himself to walk, to close the space between them. He tried to look friendly but he knew his face probably didn't look like it did in his head.
"Hey," Sirius croaked in greeting, before turning his full attention to Cepheus. "How are you doing?"
Cepheus shrugged. "All right."
Marlene rose from the bed, her palm pressing against Sirius' arm. His head snapped to look at the contact. His throat narrowed painfully.
"I'm sorry if I overstepped," Marlene whispered. "I heard what happened and I… I don't know. I just found myself coming to check on him."
Sirius' gaze wandered to her face. "Nah, I appreciate it. I really do, Marly."
Marlene gave his arm a squeeze before her hand fell to her side. "Well, I have Potions Club to get to. Did you know that apparently kids really like Potions if they have a professor that doesn't berate them all the time? We're making beauty potions tonight. I can mix up some hair dye potion for you, get rid of those grays, if you like."
Sirius chuckled, his lips spreading tight. "I'm embracing the distinguished gentleman look."
"It suits you," Marlene replied, cocking her head to the side.
Sirius' heart quickened. For a moment, he forgot Cepheus was in the room. It wasn't until Marlene turned towards him that he remembered. She bent down, her hand touching his shoulder.
"I'll come back if you like," Marlene said with a grin.
Cepheus nodded. "That'd be nice."
Marlene beamed. "Have fun with your uncle. He's a really great bloke. I'll vouch for him."
Marlene winked at him before she straightened up. She caught Sirius' eye briefly before she walked by him. Sirius could hear her heels clicking on the stone floor as she left. Cepheus looked up at Sirius. Hesitation marred his features but Sirius ignored it as he eased down at the mattress by his ankles where Marlene had sat.
"She's my ex," Sirius felt the need to explain. "I've known her since I was eleven. She was Harry's mum's best friend."
Cepheus nodded.
Sirius sucked in a breath. "What's wrong? I can't read minds."
"I… well, how do I know you're, you know, you?" Cepheus pressed, his hands clutching into fists in his lap.
Sirius stilled at the question. There was nothing Cepheus could even ask him to ensure that he was him. They barely knew each other. It's not like Cepheus even knew Regulus so he could say something about him.
"Well, I, uh, if you trust Harry, you can have him confirm and then we can have a password between us," Sirius suggested.
A soft smile graced Cepheus' face. Sirius cleared his throat, tugging his wand from his pocket and casting a privacy charm around them so no one could overhear them. Cepheus stiffened immediately, his wide eyes staring at the wand.
"We have things we need to discuss while we're alone," Sirius said, tucking his wand away before holding up his hands to show him he meant no harm. "Walden Macnair, your grandfather, will no doubt file for custody of you," he explained, slowly lowering his hands to rest in his lap. "He's a Death Eater, the entire Macnair family is. He will hand you right back over to Voldemort if he's granted custody. If you want, I will file for emergency custody. You'll have to go in front of a panel at the Wizengamot with Macnair and myself. They'll ask you questions, ask us questions, and then they'll determine where you would thrive."
Cepheus shifted. "What if they put me with the Macnairs?"
Sirius shook his head. "They won't. Walden has already lied to the press about his relationship with Charlotte and you. You can confirm you never met him or even knew his name. You can confirm you know me. Honestly, building up our relationship a bit would help."
"Okay," Cepheus replied in a soft tone, tears brimming his eyes.
Sirius sighed. Fatigue had set in long ago. He had barely slept in days. If he was being honest with himself, he hadn't slept well since he found out Charlotte had been murdered. Now, he had a nephew who had no one except for him. The kid was nothing like Harry. Connecting with Cepheus was infinitely harder than it had been when he reconnected with his godson. Harry had been easy. Sirius had known exactly what to say. All he had to do was look at Harry and the love nearly suffocated him. All Sirius felt when he looked at Cepheus was regret.
Sirius cleared his throat. "What did Voldemort tell you? Why he wanted you?"
Cepheus swallowed visibly, his gaze dropping to his hands in his lap. "That I'm his grandson."
Sirius nodded. "I didn't know until Charlotte told me when I first met you in October. Apparently, Regulus knew our true parentage but, at the time he found out, we weren't on speaking terms."
Cepheus looked up. "I know he was a Death Eater."
Sirius' body grew tense, knowing he could no longer abide by Charlotte's wishes to keep Cepheus in the dark. "He was. The Black family has always been very intertwined with Voldemort. Walburga, my… mother," he continued, struggling to say the word mother, "was good friends with him since childhood. My cousin Andromeda and I were the only ones who didn't take the Mark. We were both disowned from the family decades ago."
Cepheus searched Sirius' face. "I don't want anything to do with him. Voldemort."
"I'm glad," Sirius replied. "Listen to me, you can't tell anyone that you're Voldemort's grandson or that I'm his son. They won't understand. They'll condemn us. It's already a dreadful thing having your name attached to the Black family, but… attached to Voldemort? That's even worse."
Cepheus frowned. "But we don't want anything to do with him."
"It doesn't matter," Sirius insisted, his eyebrows raising at Cepheus' naivety. "The Black family was so intertwined with Voldemort during the first war that I was sentenced to life in Azkaban without a trial for being in the wrong place at the wrong time. I was framed for murdering thirteen people. They didn't even check my wand to see what the last spell I cast was."
"This is why my mum fled England?" Cepheus asked, his voice cracking at the mention of Charlotte. "Because she thought it dangerous to have the last name Black?"
Sirius nodded. "It's not safe here. Not with Voldemort attempting to gain power again. She tried to give you the best life she could. I think she succeeded until I got involved. I'm sorry, Cepheus. I just wanted… I wanted to meet you. I wanted to, to have a connection with you. I have a lot of regrets in my life and all of them seem to revolve around my brother by blood and my brother by choice. I feel like, like I'm constantly trying to make amends with dead men."
"Your brother by choice…?" Cepheus trailed off.
"James Potter, Harry's dad," Sirius replied.
Cepheus sucked in a breath, his gaze dropping back down to his hands wringing in his lap. "I'd like to live with you and Harry if that's all right."
Sirius leaned forward, placing his hand over Cepheus'. "Yeah, Harry and I would both like that."
Sirius meant it, but he also knew it wouldn't last. If Voldemort took over before they could destroy all the Horcruxes, then they would have to go on the run. Cepheus wouldn't be able to go with them. He was too soft, hadn't been trained properly, and would be a liability. Sirius couldn't risk them all dying. At the same time, Sirius had no idea where Cepheus could even go if it came to that. Sirius hoped that it didn't come to that.
The rumors had started immediately, making their way through the entire student body by dinnertime. The rumors ranged from boring to ludicrous. Since Mrs Robins and Tonks were seen dressed in all black with cuts and bruises on their bodies, some suggested that they had a Death Eater locked up in the infirmary – no matter how unrealistic that was in reality. Others had claimed that Snape had kept a student hostage for years in the dungeon since he was seen limping into class. Some claimed that a student had been nearly murdered by Death Eaters after sneaking out of the castle past curfew.
Ginny kept her lips sealed. She knew it was Cepheus Black, a name that nobody would recognize and would only spur questions that Ginny wasn't comfortable answering. The worst part of it all was that Demelza knew she knew. Her best friend could read her like a bloody book. She went to class like normal, keeping her lips sealed despite Demelza's questioning looks.
When the bell rang to conclude her last class of the day, Ginny gathered her things as quickly as possible. As soon as she stepped outside of McGonagall's classroom, she saw Harry and Ron standing across the corridor. They stood close to one another, their heads pressed together, as they talked. Harry looked up, his eyes catching Ginny's.
Ginny made her way closer to them, stopping short of them. Her eyes snapped between them, waiting for one of them to speak. Harry hunched forward, attempting to meet her height but failing miserably. He was too damn tall. If he wanted to speak with her privately, then he was going to have to just bend down and embrace looking ridiculous.
"Sirius rescued Cepheus," Harry whispered. "Mrs Robins, Tonks, and Snape went with him."
"Surprisingly, Sirius and Snape both lived to tell the tale," Ron added. "Who would have thought the two of them could work together on anything besides plots to murder one another."
Ginny wrapped her fingers around Harry's wrist, ignoring Ron. "Is everyone all right?"
Harry nodded. "They'll all live," he replied with a shrug. "Sirius and Cepheus both had some nasty wounds."
Ron grinned. "Harry said Sirius ripped some glass out Snape. I'm sure he enjoyed that."
Ginny rolled her eyes. "Can we go see Cepheus?"
Harry nodded. "Yeah, Sirius was going to meet us there after class."
The three of them walked to the infirmary, Harry between them. Harry reached for her hand, their fingers intertwining as they walked. When they entered the infirmary, Sirius was already there. He sat by Cepheus' feet. Ginny sucked in a breath as her eyes roamed over their wounds. Sirius smiled at them as they made their way over.
Sirius turned his attention to Cepheus. "If you can't find Harry for any reason, just look for two redheads flanked on either side of him."
Ron snorted. "As though you'd see Ginny in a crowd of people. She's bloody well gnome size."
Ginny sucked in a breath, her nostrils flaring. "Yeah, and you have bloody troll blood in you. Can you even hear anyone from way up there?"
Harry cleared his throat. "Cepheus, this is my girlfriend, Ginny. You've met her on the mirror a few times," he said before gesturing towards Ron. "This is my best mate and Ginny's older brother Ron."
"Yeah, I prefer just the best mate title," Ron said.
"They bicker at lot," Harry added. "Ignore them. It's what I do to keep my sanity."
Cepheus looked between the three of them as though he were watching a Quidditch match. Ginny soaked in his bruised and battered face, an uncomfortable heaviness settling on her chest. He had been tortured. Tortured and she was fighting with Ron over their bloody heights.
"Harry, can you confirm I'm me for Cepheus?" Sirius asked, leaning back against the footboard and crossing his arms over his chest.
Harry looked at Cepheus. "Do you not think it's Sirius?"
Cepheus shrugged. "I mean, I just–"
"Malfoy Polyjuiced himself into me and tortured him as me, so I think he'd feel better if you could just ask me a question and confirm it for him," Sirius interrupted.
"Yeah, right, err," Harry said, squinting at Sirius. "You remember when we went to France?"
Sirius stared at Harry. "Yeah, I recall that."
"Well, you know how you like to do the crosswords in ink?" Harry continued.
"Don't you fucking dare," Sirius said in an exasperated tone. "Can we not?"
Ginny peered at Harry curiously.
"What was the word you got wrong and caused you to royally mess up the entire crossword?" Harry asked. "You know, the one where you ripped out the page and tossed it into the sea."
Sirius shot Harry an annoyed look. "I misread the fucking question. I thought it said the first word in the incantation."
"You were overly confident," Harry pressed. "So confident that you started trying to fit in words that made no sense into the other boxes."
Sirius' jaw clenched. "I misread the question."
"What was the word?" Harry repeated himself.
"Wait, can we know the question first?" Ron interjected, holding up his hands. "I think we need a clearer picture on why this is firing Sirius up so much."
Sirius licked his bottom lip, his eyes rolling to the ceiling. "It was a question about the incantation for the Animagus transformation. I thought it wanted the first word in the incantation, but it asked for the second word. I didn't read it carefully enough."
Ron burst out laughing. "You got a question about the bloody spell for becoming an Animagus wrong?"
Sirius pointed at Ron, his eyes blazing. "I misread the fucking question! I put Amato and not Animo, all right?"
Ron didn't stop laughing. "How long did it take you to bloody well figure it out?"
"Harry is making it sound worse than it is!" Sirius protested. "I figured it out pretty quickly but I had two answers wrong and they were in ink."
Ginny grinned at Sirius. "Oh, the horror, Sirius. Was that the first time you gave up on a crossword?"
"I didn't give up!" Sirius bit back. "I was irritated, all right? It was a stupid mistake because I didn't read the question carefully enough."
Harry tried to keep the grin off his face as he turned to Cepheus. "Yeah, this is definitely Sirius. He takes his crosswords very seriously."
Cepheus glanced over at Sirius, an incredulous look crossing his face.
"He's actually really good at them," Harry added. "Hence the ink."
"Don't try to kiss my arse," Sirius snapped.
Harry ignored him, his gaze never leaving Cepheus. "He knows a little about a lot of subjects and can usually figure out even the hardest questions. Although, he's abysmal with Quidditch. He normally asks me those questions."
Sirius rolled his eyes. "I asked you once about a Quidditch maneuver that was invented while I was rotting away in Azkaban. But my overall Quidditch knowledge is fine, thank you very much. I listened to James prattle off stats and talk my bloody ear off about it for a decade."
Harry's lips twitched, his eyebrows raising as he glanced over at Cepheus. People could say what they wanted about Harry. Honestly, Ginny had heard it all from how cold and standoffish he was, to how he came off as arrogant and like an attention-seeker, to how he was only interested in speaking to a select few people. But none of them had taken the time actually get to know Harry. It was a damn shame because Harry would do anything for someone he cared about. She saw it in the way he easily poked fun of Sirius to make Cepheus feel more comfortable in the situation.
Ginny leaned into Harry's side. Her hand squeezed his while her free hand wrapped around his elbow. Her chin tilted up, her eyes soaking in his face. Ginny's chest burst with love and affection for him.
Harry pressed his chin against his closed fist, fighting to keep his eyes open during Potions. Marlene talked about how certain ingredients interacted with other ingredients, but Harry couldn't concentrate on what she was even saying. He stared at the empty seats where Draco Malfoy and Theodore Nott normally sat.
He had stayed in the hospital wing for a few hours the previous night, feeling like he could breathe for the first time in a long time. Sirius seemed happier, albeit exhausted. He smiled a tad bit easier than he had been lately as the five of them chatted about normal things like normal people. But there were a few times that Harry had caught Sirius staring at him with a grave expression, his eyes flickering up to Harry's scar on his forehead. That struck Harry as odd. Sirius never paid much attention to his scar unless he was in the throngs of an attack.
Harry felt his eyes sliding shut, Marlene's voice filtering in one ear and out the other. He felt himself slipping, sleep calling his name. Exhaustion had settled in a good month ago. His busy schedule, his intense training sessions, his self-assigned Order mission in finding out what Malfoy and Nott were up to, and being captain of the Quidditch team. Sleep had dwindled to fewer and fewer hours until he began to feel like Sirius who barely slept.
Harry felt himself gliding through the air in a crowded street. He landed on a sign and his gaze focused on Sirius and Andromeda. They each carried an abundant number of bags. Sirius looked irritated, his head lolling back to look up at the sky as Andromeda inventoried her bags.
"Can we just call it a day?" Sirius asked. "I'm bloody exhausted, Andy. I've barely slept in two weeks. Let me tell you, it's not because of my insomnia either."
"We need to make sure Cepheus is situated properly," Andromeda said with a sigh. "You go in front of the Wizengamot on Monday. You need to make sure you can prove you can provide for Cepheus. Prove he has the necessaries, that he has a room of his own, that he has everything he needs for school."
Sirius rolled his head to the side. "Can't I just take in a statement from Gringotts and call it a bloody day?"
Andromeda sighed. "Do you want to risk the Macnairs getting custody? Cepheus would be dead in a matter of days."
"No, he wouldn't," Sirius said in gruff tone. "He'd be tortured into submission. This time, they wouldn't fail."
Harry's body stiffened, a chill rolling over his skin.
"Harry," a low and menacing voice sounded in his head. "Harry, I know you are here."
Harry's head fell, his arm falling out from beneath him. His eyes snapped open to see everyone gathering up their potion supplies. Harry's heart pounded in his chest, his gaze glancing over to Ron.
"I don't understand how anyone fucking enjoys this," Ron grumbled. "Like I want to write about potion ingredient interactions. If I need a potion then I will bloody well buy it at the apothecary!"
Harry sat up in his chair, his limbs twitching. He had dozed off just for a few seconds. That was it. Yet, he had slipped into Voldemort's mind? Or at least an animal that Voldemort was possessing? Harry wasn't quite sure if the dream was even real. Harry bent down, snatching up his satchel and digging through it for his mirror. He pulled it out, his grip tight around the handle.
"Sirius Black," Harry said in a rush.
"You all right, mate?" Ron asked, easing down in the seat next to Harry.
Nearly everyone had left the classroom by this point. Only a few stragglers remained but they were making their way to the back of the room to leave.
"Sirius Black," Harry said again, his throat narrowing painfully.
Heels clicked on stone. Marlene appeared in front of their desk, her hands pressing against the wood.
"What's going on?" Marlene asked.
"Sirius Black!" Harry shouted, his muscles growing tight.
Marlene rounded the table, dragging a chair with her. She sat down next to him, her hand pressing against his back. Why wasn't Sirius answering? Had Voldemort attacked him knowing that Harry would contact him that he was being followed? His mind went wild with possibilities, wishing he had paid closer attention to the surroundings.
Finally, the mirror rippled. Sirius appeared wearing the same leather jacket as he always did with his nose tinged red with cold. Harry's eyes scanned the background, trying to determine if it was the same place Harry saw while he dozed off but he couldn't tell.
"Everything all right, kid?" Sirius asked, seemingly unbothered that Harry had called him in the middle of the day.
"Are you shopping with Andy?" Harry asked.
Sirius' brow furrowed. "Uh, yeah, I am actually. How'd you know?"
Harry swallowed. "Voldemort's there. He's possessing a bird maybe? He was sitting up on a sign above you."
Sirius looked up, his head turning in all directions. Andromeda pressed close to Sirius, her face entering the mirror.
"Harry, darling, what's going on?" Andromeda pressed.
"I fell asleep in class and I saw the two of you talking," Harry admitted. "I didn't mean to slip into his mind. It just happened."
Sirius wrapped an arm around Andromeda's shoulders and the image in the mirror distorted as a loud crack sounded. Harry let out a breath he didn't know he was holding, his shoulders sagging forward. When the image in the mirror became clear again, Harry could see them right outside the gates of Hogwarts.
"Where are you?" Sirius demanded. "Is that the Potions room?"
Harry nodded. "I'm with Ron and Marlene."
"Stay put," Sirius ordered. "Andy and I will be there in a few minutes. We'll bring Dumbledore along. Stay awake and don't say anything that you shouldn't say."
The mirror disconnected. Harry sat the mirror down on the table in front of him, his eyes casting down to his lap. He had let his mind wander, his barriers slip. It had been stupid, reckless. Harry sucked his bottom lip between his teeth. Marlene's hand rose from his back to his hair, her fingers squeezing the nape of his neck.
True to his word, Sirius burst into the Potions classroom with Andromeda and Dumbledore on his heels. Sirius didn't say anything as he gripped the back of Harry's chair and wheeled it around. His fingers pushed up Harry's hair, his eyes zeroing in on the lightning bolt scar on his forehead. Sirius' thumb traced the scar. Harry didn't dare to move a muscle. Sirius' hand dropped to his side, his head turning towards Dumbledore.
"Can you check him?" Sirius asked in a strained tone.
Dumbledore's wand pressed to his temple, a shiver running down Harry's spine. When Dumbledore's wand fell, he declared Harry's mind was his own. A long shuddering breath escaped his lips.
"Harry, darling," Andromeda pushed forward, her hands cupping his cheeks as she leaned forward to press a kiss to his head. "It'll all be fine. You just need some sleep, yeah? You look exhausted."
"Sirius, I think we need to discuss what we did the other day," Dumbledore announced. "We need to weigh the pros and cons."
Harry snapped his attention to Sirius, his body pulling away from Andromeda so he could look at his godfather.
"No," Sirius said in a stern voice. "It's not a solution that's viable."
"Talk about what exactly?" Marlene interrupted, standing up to her full height.
Sirius didn't look at her. "Nothing, Marlene."
"Don't you fucking pull that shit on me, Sirius," Marlene hissed. "I'm as much his godmother as you are his godfather! You can't just make decisions like this and not include me!"
Sirius snapped his head up, his face void of any emotion. "Yeah? Because I have a piece of parchment saying I'm his legal guardian. Not you."
Marlene pointed a finger at him, her face pulling tight. "Don't you fucking dare," she said in dangerously low voice. "I have tried so hard not to step on your toes when it comes to Harry. I have respected your relationship with him. I have given you more than enough space to deal with whatever it is that you're dealing with! But don't you dare stand there and say I don't matter in his life."
Sirius' jaw feathered. "I didn't say that!"
"You may as well have!" Marlene snapped.
Harry shifted in his chair, his eyes snapping between his godparents. Instantly, he felt uncomfortable with the interaction. Andromeda wrapped an arm around his shoulders, her hand rubbing his arm.
Sirius carded a hand through his hair. "You have no idea what is going on."
Marlene's eyes flashed. "I get I haven't been around! I understand that I was absent for most of his life! But guess what, Sirius, that wasn't my fault! I didn't ask for Bellatrix to take everything from me! Do you think this has been easy for me? One day I'm Bella Riddle and the next I'm Marlene McKinnon! One day I'm living in absolute ignorant bliss to the next knowing my entire family and my best friends have been murdered! My tiny toddler godson is suddenly a teenager! The man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with is with another woman!" she shouted, her chest heaving. "Not once, not once, Sirius, did I ever blame you or hold anything against you. I understand that you've cared for Harry for longer than I've been able to. I love and respect the bond that the two of you have. But I'm here now. I love him! You don't get to push me out because you can't face the past!"
Sirius' lips thinned, his eyes staring at Marlene without blinking.
"You don't want to be with me, that's fine," Marlene whispered, her head shaking as tears brimmed her eyes. "I don't care anymore, Sirius. What I do care about is my godson. Somehow, someway, you need start including me in his life."
Sirius shoved his hands into the pockets of his leather jacket, his gaze still burning a hole into Marlene. "Do you remember when James and Lily told us about the prophecy?" he asked in a low clipped tone. "Do you remember how you said you didn't want to know the exact contents? You thought the more people who knew, the more dangerous it was. I had to know. I needed to know exactly what we were up against. That has always been my role. I was the fixer. I did the dirty work. I was the one who killed and maimed because James couldn't. I was the one who tailed the Death Eaters, trying to figure out intel on our enemies to try to save them. I was the one called when James was too fucking depressed to get out of bed. It was all on me! So don't you dare yell at me about how I keep things from you when you didn't even want to know the contents of the prophecy, because you couldn't handle the awful truth."
"I was twenty years old and scared out of my wits!" Marlene protested.
Sirius let out a bitter laugh. "Yeah, so was I but I somehow managed."
Marlene shook her head. "This is different. We were the just godparents back then. Now, now, Lily and James are dead. We were supposed to raise him together."
Sirius nodded, the corners of his mouth tugging down. "Yeah, but I'm not the same person I was fifteen years ago. That Sirius died. He died the moment he saw his brother dead on the floor. I was there that night. Did you know that? I walked in to see James dead. Do you know how much that fucks with a person? To walk into a scene like that?" he asked in a strained voice. "To know I did that? To know I convinced him to trust the person who betrayed him? Because James always listened to me. I was the only one he listened to. And I did that."
Marlene took a step forward, her gaze never leaving his face. "Get over it."
Sirius scoffed. "Get over it?"
Marlene jutted her lower jaw forward. "The world doesn't revolve around Sirius Black and his guilt complex. You don't get to treat me like dirt and push me out of Harry's life because you can't stand to look at me. Just because I didn't want to know the contents of the prophecy sixteen years ago doesn't mean that I'm not all in. You've made just as many mistakes as I have in the past so shove the fuck off."
Harry didn't know what to think. Nobody had ever fought over him before – unless he wanted to count the small tiff that Sirius and Mrs Weasley had a year and a half ago. But that was nothing compared to this. Harry clasped his hands in his lap, squeezing them together.
"I love Harry as much as you do," Marlene whispered. "I'm not the enemy, Sirius. I'm not working against you. I'm on your side."
Sirius nodded, his gaze finally dropping from Marlene's face to look down at his shoes. His eyes screwed shut.
"I know, Marly, all right? I'm sorry," Sirius said in a thick voice, his head snapping up. "Can we discuss this later? I have to work with Harry to secure his mind, to make sure he doesn't slip again."
Marlene nodded. "What about a potion? Something that will relax his mind?"
Sirius shook his head. "That'll make him catatonic, wouldn't it?"
Just like that, the tension seemed to ease from the room. Andromeda squeezed his arm before she unwrapped her arm from around Harry's shoulders. She stepped up next to Marlene.
"Not necessarily," Andromeda said.
Marlene nodded. "If the issue is Harry slipping when he's tired or stressed, we can take certain measures to help that. But if his mind is relaxed at all times, the Occlumency walls around his mind wouldn't crumble."
"I don't understand," Sirius admitted. "Wouldn't a relaxed mind be easier to break into?"
Marlene shook her head. "Bellatrix placed mind blocks all around my memories. They were stiff, unwavering. I couldn't access my memories until the blocks crumbled. There were moments where I saw through the cracks but it wasn't enough to shatter them until I faced Bellatrix again. Seeing her again, to feel the fear I felt the last time, it was enough to shatter them completely. If Harry has built his own stiff rigid Occlumency walls, then Voldemort can figure out how to break them down or how to see through the cracks. But if his mind was more relaxed and flexible, able to shift and bend, then Voldemort would have a harder down breaking down his walls or seeping through the cracks. The relaxed walls would move with him, absorbing attacks instead of chipping away at rigid walls."
Sirius turned, his eyes catching Harry's gaze. "Sure, let's try it," he replied, his attention snapping back to Marlene. "Can Andromeda help you? She has access to his medical file."
Marlene smiled softly. "Of course."
Sirius swallowed visibly as he looked over at Harry. "You're done with class for today, right?"
Harry nodded. "Yeah, I don't have any afternoon classes. Just dueling club tonight."
"Why don't you come home with me? Take a nice Sleeping Draught and catch up on some sleep. You've been working too hard lately. You're running yourself into the ground," Sirius suggested. "Dueling club is something you can afford to miss."
The last thing Harry wanted to do was sleep the day away.
"Have him take a Dreamless Sleep mixed in," Marlene added. "It'll make his mind blank in case Voldemort tries to attack back."
Harry had the distinct impression that he didn't have a say in the matter, especially not if Sirius and Marlene were in agreement. Harry turned to look at Ron for some sort of support, but his best mate just held up his hands as though saying he wasn't getting involved. Sighing, Harry looked back at his godfather to see him talking to Dumbledore in low tones.
Harry slid off his chair, grabbing his satchel off the table. He stuffed his mirror and his potions supplies inside. When he turned to agree to leave with Sirius, all he saw was Marlene standing in front of him. She rose onto her tiptoes, wrapping her arms around his shoulders and tugging him down.
"I love you, Harry, all right?" Marlene whispered into his ear. "I'm always here for you."
A lump formed in Harry's throat. He wrapped his arms around her, feeling a calmness wash over him. He felt impossibly closer to Marlene now than he had ever felt towards her since she had stumbled into his life. There weren't many people who would go up against Sirius in a verbal sparring match. He had seen firsthand people try to placate him and dodge heavy topics with him. But Marlene hadn't backed down because she was so passionate about being a part of Harry's life. It seemed impossible that anyone but Sirius cared that much for him.
Pulling back completely, Harry offered her a closed lipped smile. Marlene beamed at him as she took a step back. Harry turned to Sirius who immediately opened an arm for him. A second later, Harry stepped into Sirius' embrace. Sirius tucked Harry tight into his side. Sirius offered Marlene a nod before he steered Harry out of the room.
Hope you enjoyed the latest chapter! Don't forget to drop a review. They keep me motivated and just plain make my weekend.
I'm sorry I couldn't respond to reviews this week. Every time I tried to, I kept getting errors. It did allow me to post, I think. We'll see if it actually appears! Hopefully next week I'll be able to respond!
Special thanks to prewettpotter for being fabulous and looking this over for me!