"Brumous"
"Chapter Fifty-Three: Ginny's Lesson"
Harry couldn't sleep Saturday night after viewing the memory of his parents. He couldn't stop thinking about the way his father started sobbing, the tears rolling down his mother's face, or how scared they had actually been. Harry didn't know how long Sirius held him and Marlene after the memory, but he didn't even have to look up at his godfather to know he choked back tears long after the memory ceased. Harry could feel Sirius' chest jolt against his every single time he strangled back a sob.
The memory was nothing like Harry thought it would be. He definitely didn't think poorly of his parents like he feared he would. Then again, he didn't dwell on what he was missing out on either. All he felt was a dull ache in his chest, stricken by how young they looked. Harry always knew they were only twenty-one when they died, had seen so many pictures recently where they did look young, but there was something about seeing them in person and talking about dying that really struck him.
They didn't seem that much older than Harry was now. They really weren't. Five years. That was all that separated him and his parents. They had been preparing to die and trying to make plans for their infant son to have as normal of a life as possible. Somehow, seeing a young Sirius and Marlene made it infinitely worse. Sirius who barged in without knocking, who smiled and teased easily, who seemed completely unbothered by anything. Marlene in her leather jacket and looking so carefree, joking with James easily.
A knock sounded on Harry's door. He squinted at the clock on his bedside table but he couldn't decide if the clock read eight or nine.
"Come in," Harry called, giving up on the clock.
The door pushed open and Harry could tell it was Sirius in the doorway, though he couldn't see his godfather's expression. Sirius eased into the room, shutting the door closed behind him.
"It's nearly ten," Sirius commented, moving across the room to stand by Harry's bedside. "Are you having a lie-in or are you sick?"
Harry squinted up at his godfather. "Lie-in."
Sirius sighed as he sat down on the mattress by Harry's knees. He leaned forward to grab something off the bedside table and held it out to Harry. It took him a moment to realize it was his glasses. He accepted and plopped them on his face as he sat up in bed to face his godfather.
Sirius looked tired, dark bags residing under his full gray eyes. His normally slicked back hair hung limply in his face.
"Are you all right?" Sirius asked.
"I said I wasn't sick," Harry replied.
Sirius shook his head. "That's not what I'm asking," he elaborated, his eyes searching Harry's face. "I'm asking if you're all right, not if you feel well."
Harry stilled at the question. He was fine. He just couldn't stop thinking about the memory. Honestly, he had so many questions. He wanted everything he knew about everyone to make sense with what he saw firsthand. That had always been Harry's problem, it was hard for him to reconcile what he knew with what he'd see in memories.
"Just thinking a lot about the memory," Harry admitted with a shrug.
"I'm here to talk about it if you like," Sirius leveled, though he looked like he actually didn't want to talk about it.
"It's fine," Harry replied, waving his godfather off.
Sirius sighed. "Harry… look, I know I'm not the most emotional bloke out there. But if there's one thing I learned in therapy, it's that talking instead of bottling it all up is very helpful. It's caused me some issues recently with certain people because I took it to the extreme, but, well, all I'm saying is that I'm willing and more than happy to talk to you about anything."
Harry clasped his hands together in his lap. He did want to talk about the memory. But the last thing he wanted to do was to make Sirius or even himself cry any more than they already had. Harry had never seen Sirius breakdown quite like he did after the memory.
"I remember that night," Sirius started. "Marlene and I had been tailing a Death Eater and then we decided to stop by your house for a bit. We always tried to make time to stop by a couple times a week since you were all so isolated from the outside world. You were… Merlin, Harry, you were very anxious around new people. Which makes sense because you were exposed to so few, but I never wanted you to be scared of me like you were with some others in our friendship group. So, Marlene and I made a point to ensure you knew us and you could recognize us. Anyway, I remember thinking your parents were acting odd that night and worried something had happened that they didn't want to tell us, but I brushed it off thinking maybe you were cranky all day or they were just tired. Marly and I stuck around for a while once Lily and I got you back to sleep, playing cards and chatting. They seemed fine the rest of the evening."
Harry's chest expanded. Not for the first time, Harry was grateful that his parents had picked Sirius and Marlene to be his godparents. Despite everything they had both been through, they made Harry their top priority.
"Did you really think my dad was a pillock when you met him?" he asked, trying to lighten the conversation before it became too emotional.
Sirius let out a bark-like laugh. "I did. He was … goofy. I thought he was sort of hilarious, especially because I was never around kids who were allowed to be just kids. I had only been exposed to stuffy pureblood circles where the kids all tried to act like mini-adults. It was a bloody bore. So, James was refreshing, you know? I had never met anyone like him before."
A ghost of a smile crossed Harry's face. He knew what that was like. He had never laughed so hard in his life until he sat with Ron on the train ride to Hogwarts for the first time. Harry had been so happy, so excited, so relieved. Talking with Ron was easy in a way talking to kids his own age never was before. A big part of that was because Dudley threatened every kid who so much as looked in his direction.
"You barged in," Harry pointed out. "Don't you yell at Andy for that?"
Sirius looked up at the ceiling. "So, growing up, the Black family never knocked. We just entered each other's homes. Everyone knew everyone's unlocking charms and it was normal. So, yeah, Andy and I did that all the time before, before everything happened. I never knocked when I showed up at their house."
"But you don't like that anymore?" Harry questioned.
Sirius sucked in a breath. "When I was arrested, I felt so violated. They have you strip and they search you and, and I had just seen so many dead bodies. I think I was in shock. Then, I was placed in this tiny cell where I had no privacy for the next twelve years. You didn't even have access to a loo. You did it right in your cell in this little hole in the ground. Multiple other prisoners can see you. Unfortunately for me, Bellatrix was one of them. But, anyway," he continued, waving his left hand between them. "I started to appreciate the art of knocking a bit more in my old age."
Harry only frowned.
"Anything else?" Sirius asked.
Harry shook his head, his heart thumping in his chest. His chin tilted down as he stared at his clasped hands in his lap.
Sirius pressed a hand on the side of Harry's neck. "I know the memory was upsetting to watch. But I hope you understand your parents a bit better now. They loved you so much and family meant everything to them. Marlene and I really tried to be there for all of you as much as we could."
Harry swallowed. "You still are," he said in a soft voice, his eyes flickering to look up at his godfather.
Sirius faced tugged down. "I'm trying to be. You mean so much to me, Harry."
Harry swiped his fingers underneath his eye, wiping away a stray tear that fell. Sirius' hand snaked to the nape of Harry's neck and he gently pulled Harry towards him. Harry's eyes slid shut when he felt Sirius press a kiss to the top of his head.
A calmness washed over Harry. In the short six months since Sirius had officially adopted him, he had grown so used to his godfather always being around that Harry didn't know how he had ever survived without him. As Harry wrapped his arms around his godfather, all he could think about was how he never wanted to go back to a life without Sirius in it.
Being back at Hogwarts without Harry was more than a little odd. Ginny kept looking for him in the corridors only to remember he wouldn't be back until classes began on Monday. That meant she probably wouldn't even see him until lunch. With Harry gone, that meant Ron followed her friendship group around like a bloody shadow. Even more irritating was the budding friendship that Ron and Demelza had struck up unbeknownst to Ginny, the two laughing about the dumbest shit known to wizardkind. She didn't even notice the two of them becoming friends.
"Then, I said, 'Oi, want to pull up your trousers before I take away points or should I take away points from both you and your tiny prick?'" Ron said in a too loud voice in the middle of the library on Sunday afternoon, garnering them looks. "And what do you know? He pulled up his trousers!"
Demelza snorted, a wide grin spreading across her face. "I caught him the week before Christmas holiday. He did have a tiny prick, but he must know how to use it because he keeps getting caught in the bloody cupboards."
Niamh wrinkled her nose. "Can we talk about something else? I don't want to think about Cormac's… you know."
"I want to hear who else you caught in a broom cupboard with McLaggen personally," Gemma spoke up, her Potions book long forgotten. "We have two bloody prefects in this group and yet I don't feel like you two share as much gossip as you know."
Ginny sighed as she reread the same sentence she had been on for the past five minutes. She couldn't bloody well concentrate. Banging her head against the table seemed like a good solution to drown out Ron's obnoxious voice. While Harry may have forgiven Ron for his big mouth, Ginny was still rather sour. Afterall, her mother had given her a two-hour long lecture. To make matters worse, her mother gave her enough birth control potion to last her until the Easter holiday with a very stern, 'I'm not condoning what you and Harry are doing, but you need to be safe' speech that made her want to scream because she was in no way, shape, or form even thinking about having sex with Harry yet. They had only been dating for six months, for Merlin's sake.
Luna waltzed over to their table, seemingly out of nowhere, with a piece of parchment in her hand to save Ginny from all the Cormac McLaggen talk. She took a seat next to Ginny. Finally, maybe they could stop gossiping about that wanker because who really cared about him anyway? Ginny didn't even understand what girls saw in McLaggen.
"How was your holiday, Luna?" Ginny asked, pushing her Transfiguration book away from her and admitting defeat.
"Lovely," Luna replied as she swooped her long and stringy blonde hair over her shoulder. "Dad bought me an earring making kit. I made these ones last night. Do you like them?"
Ginny peered at the earrings which were see-through bags with a fish in it. Wait, a fish? Ginny squinted to see the little fish swimming in the bag.
"Luna, is that a ruddy fish?" Ginny gasped.
"Yes, but it's not alive," Luna assured her. "It's a bit of charmed parchment that I made into a moving fish."
"Oh, Luna, that's lovely!" Niamh gushed, a smile crossing her face. "Do you think you could make me a pair of earrings? Your radish earrings are adorable. I would love a pair of strawberry ones, if you have the time."
Luna brightened. "Of course, I will," she said before turning back to Ginny. "Oh, Professor McKinnon wanted me to give you this. It's why I came over."
Luna handed over the letter. Ginny took it with a smile and immediately unfolded it.
Ginny,
Kindly meet me in my living quarters at your earliest convenience so we can begin what we discussed before the Christmas holiday.
- Marlene
Ginny blinked at the letter, her heart thumping in her chest. Marlene had told her she wanted to start their private lessons after the holiday, but Ginny didn't anticipate it would be the weekend they arrived back.
"Is Harry all right?" Ron asked.
Ginny glanced up at Ron. "Like you even care."
Ron sighed, his jaw tightening. "Look, I apologized to both of you."
"Apologized to both of you for what?" Demelza butted in.
"Ron told my parents and Sirius that Harry and I have been sharing a bed," Ginny explained, standing up and shoving her things into her satchel.
"It slipped out!" Ron growled.
Ginny shot him a look, shoving the note deep into her satchel. "You're a damn bloody lucky wanker that I didn't have my wand on me at Harry's house," she said darkly. "How did you even find out anyway?"
Ron pursed his lips to the side. "Cepheus, all right? We were talking when you and Harry snuck upstairs to snog on Christmas and he made an off-handed comment about it. I think he regretted it when he saw the look on my face."
Ginny's brows furrowed. "Harry told Cepheus?"
"No, apparently Kreacher let it slip to Cepheus," Ron explained, leaning back in his chair. "Sirius would be in a right state if he knew Harry was conversing with Kreacher."
Ginny ground her molars. "I swear to Merlin, if you tell Sirius, I'll hex you so bad that you'll wind up in St. Mungo's for a bloody month!"
"I'm not saying anything to Sirius, for fuck's sake!" Ron exclaimed. "I made a mistake, all right? You were being a right bint."
Ginny shot a two-finger salute at him before she wheeled around on her heels and stomped out of the library. She hated how easily Ron could get under her skin. He knew exactly what to say and do to set her off. She grumbled under her breath about her big-mouth brother all the way to Marlene's living quarters. Honestly, she didn't even know how to stop arguing with him all the bloody time. She wondered if Bill and Charlie ever fought so viciously when they were younger.
When she arrived, she forgot all about her brother and anxiety swooped in her stomach. While Ginny had gotten to know Marlene better since their talk, she couldn't help how fast her heart thumped in her chest. She had no idea what Marlene was even going to teach her. How did one manipulate their thoughts?
Ginny knocked and Marlene only took a moment to open the door. A smile spread across Marlene's face. Her hair was pulled up in a high ponytail and she wore a too-big hooded sweatshirt. It was odd to see Marlene looking so casual.
"Come on in, Ginny," Marlene said as she stepped aside, waving her arm. "How was the train ride back to school?"
Ginny stepped in, shooting Marlene a polite smile. "Good. It was nice catching up with my friends. Unfortunately, Ron sat with us because Harry wasn't there."
Marlene chuckled, shutting the door behind her. "Older brothers are rough. One minute, they're tormenting you and the next they're willing to kill a boy for looking at you wrong. Aren't they fun?"
Ginny rolled her eyes. "How many brothers do you have?"
Marlene smiled tightly, her chin jutting up slightly. "I had just one. His name was Matthew. He was an Auror and his wife was pregnant when they were murdered."
Ginny's stomach dropped to the floor. She had definitely known Marlene's entire family had been murdered and she couldn't believe that she forgot. Ginny probably looked like an insensitive git like Ron. That was mortifying.
"I'm so sorry!" Ginny exclaimed.
Marlene shook her head. "It's fine. It was a long time ago."
Ginny couldn't shake the guilty feeling that clogged her chest. Sometimes, Ginny found it hard to remember that there had been a war before. Of course, she knew there was. She grew up hearing stories about Harry and could remember her mother sobbing on her brothers' death date year after year. But Ginny had no concrete memories of the war. In that moment, the harsh realities of war struck her in a way it hadn't before. So many people had lost their lives in the previous war over a decade ago. It made her very acutely aware that so many of her friends and family could die during this war. Ginny didn't know how to even stomach that thought.
"So, do you remember the reason I asked you here?" Marlene asked.
Ginny was glad for the change in subject. "To teach me how to manipulate my memories."
Marlene nodded, a tight smile crossing her face. "It's why Pensieve memories are inadmissible in court. A talented wizard could manipulate the memories flawlessly to the point where no one would notice the seams and stitches. A not so talented wizard would make it very obvious by employing poor techniques. Pensieve memories were allowed as evidence until the Grindelwald trials. Wizards who fought with Grindelwald were slicing and stitching their memories to try to avoid Azkaban or other terrible wizarding prisons. The ones who did it poorly were caught fairly easily. It was actually Harry's grandfather who was the most vocal supporter of barring Pensieve memories from being used in court proceedings. He said that too many criminals could hone the skill and never pay for their crimes."
Ginny couldn't help but wonder if Harry knew that. She could remember him checking out a bunch of books from the library the previous year to try to read up on his grandfather, but she didn't know exactly what he had found.
"That's amazing," Ginny commented. "You should make sure Harry knows. I don't know if he does or not."
"I will," Marlene promised. "If there's one thing I've noticed about Potters, it's that they all have very strong sense of right and wrong about them. They can't stand back and watch an injustice unfold in front of them. They need to act, to right the wrong."
"Sounds like Harry," Ginny agreed.
Marlene laughed. "Yes, I've heard all about Harry's grand adventures. I'm positively dreading to find out what sort of trouble he'll find himself in next."
Ginny didn't want to think about what kind of sticky situation Harry would find himself in. She was quite surprised that Harry had a rather boring and normal first half of the school year. Her gut told her that wouldn't last much longer. Harry attracted trouble like a moth to a flame. He needn't even try.
"Anyway, that's what I want to teach you. I want you to know how to slice and stitch memories. Eventually, I want you to be able to do it while someone is performing Legilimency," Marlene explained, the smile falling from her face. "Shall we begin, Ginny?"
Ginny held her breath, her eyes gliding down to the table to see a Pensieve sitting there. Her insides squirmed as she numbly nodded her head.
"Think of a memory of Harry," Marlene instructed, the tip of her wand pressing into Ginny's temple. "Any memory will do. Good, bad, or just one where he's present even if you don't interact."
Ginny's eyes slid closed, thinking of Harry and only Harry. A memory of Harry at thirteen sitting by the lake sprung to the forefront of her mind. A shiver ran down Ginny's spine as her eyes shot open to see a shimmery silver mist at the end of Marlene's wand. She flicked her wrist and it fell into the Pensieve.
"Ready, Ginny?" Marlene asked, a warm smile crossing her face. "If you need a break, just tell me. There needs to be trust between us or else it just feels like a violation."
Ginny didn't think she'd ever be ready but she nodded anyway, appreciating that Marlene wanted to make it as painless for her as she possibly could. The two of them tumbled forward into the memory.
Harry sat against a tree by himself, scratching his quill onto a bit of parchment. Ginny found herself going over to him and sitting down onto the grass next to him. When he noticed her, his eyebrows shot up to his hairline but a soft smile quickly graced his face.
"Hey, Ginny," he greeted.
"Hi, Harry," Ginny replied, her bottom lip slipping between her teeth. "Are you all right?"
Harry rolled his eyes, his head nodding. "Just trying to get some peace and quiet. Ron and Hermione have been at each other's throats all bloody year and I'm tired of listening to it."
"Because of Scabbers?" Ginny inquired.
Harry sighed, his head slamming back against the tree trunk. "Yeah, I mean, Hermione just doesn't know when to quit."
Ginny winced. "I know Ron's been upset ever since Scabbers disappeared."
Harry looked at her for a few moments, as though he were waiting for her to say more.
"I just wanted to make sure you were all right," Ginny said lamely, a wince crossing her face. "Sorry, you're probably sick of everyone checking in on you because Black's on the loose."
Harry shrugged. "Nobody's checking in on me. Everyone is too busy keeping things from me instead of checking in on me."
Ginny's brows furrowed. "Like what?"
Harry shifted, his legs stretching out in front of him. "I feel like everyone around me knows more about my past than I do. I'm tired of asking questions and getting vague answers that don't actually tell me anything. I get vague warnings about Black wanting to kill me, but nobody is explaining to me why and it's infuriating. I had to find out by listening in on a private conversation."
"Why is he after you?" Ginny inquired.
Harry picked at some lint on his too-large hooded sweatshirt. "Black knew my dad. They were friends. He betrayed him."
"Oh…" Ginny trailed off, a frown working its way on her face.
"Apparently, he's my godfather," Harry continued, his eyes squinting behind his glasses as he continued to pick at his sweatshirt. "I don't even know how to…" he trailed off, sighing heavily. "Never mind. Sorry."
"Don't be. I asked," Ginny said.
Her hand hovered above his arm for a few moments as though she were debating about touching him or not. Then, her hand dropped and she wrapped her fingers around Harry's forearm. He looked over at her, his body stiff.
A hand pressed onto Ginny's shoulder. She snapped her attention away from the memory and looked up at Marlene. Deep lines appeared in her forehead as she stared at the memory versions of Ginny and Harry. Slowly, Marlene turned her attention to Ginny.
"Close your eyes," Marlene instructed.
Ginny only hesitated a moment before she complied.
"I want you to think of how this talk could have unraveled if Harry hadn't been wiling to be open with you. Perhaps, he was irritated or angry that you were prying. Pick a vastly different emotion," Marlene instructed.
Ginny's brow furrowed. She thought of Harry last year, the way he was a pot about to boil over at a drop of a hat. His snappiness, his sarcasm, the way his green eyes flashed cold and hard, the twitch of his lips when he was attempting not to lose control.
"What emotion did you pick?" Marlene asked.
Ginny sucked in a breath. "Anger. He was always so angry last year."
"Think about how he sounds when he's angry," Marlene continued. "Think about the words he uses."
She did. She thought about how he wanted to be alone, sequestering himself to wallow in his own thoughts instead of talking to someone until he was pushed off the tightrope he had tried to balance on for far too long. It didn't even take a lot to push him, just a few careless words could set him off when he was in a mood. The baseless accusations he'd throw around, slipping deep into his incorrect perception and away from reality.
"Open your eyes," Marlene ordered.
Ginny did and she saw a ghost of a smile on Harry's lips. Furrowing her brows, she couldn't remember what she had said to him to make him smile in that moment. She hadn't heard it, too focused on Marlene's instructions.
"Make him say something nasty to you," Marlene said. "Something out of anger."
Ginny's snapped her attention to Marlene. "What?"
"Look at the memory of him. Drown out what he actually said to you and force him to say something else. Something awful, something terrible. Make it appear like the two of you weren't skirting around each other. Make it look like you two weren't that close."
Ginny's heart beat harshly in her chest. She slowly turned back to the tree.
"Can you actually experience Hogwarts without a life and death situation?" Ginny asked in a light tone. "Cursed diaries and mass murderers… what do you think will happen next year?"
Harry snorted, picking at the grass between him and Ginny. "Vampire attack? Maybe killer gnomes? Blast-ended skrewts falling from the sky and burning Hogwarts down?"
Ginny laughed, throwing her head back. "What if it's something completely mundane like if Professor Sprout accidently lets loose a dangerous pollen that forces everyone to burst into random song?"
Harry grinned, his head shaking. "I'm afraid some people may lose their hearing from listening to completely awful singing. Could you imagine keeping your hearing after listening to Crabbe and Goyle performing a duet?"
"Could you imagine keeping your eyesight if they broke out into dance as well?" Ginny added, a smile dancing on her face.
"Concentrate," Marlene instructed. "If Voldemort or one of his Death Eaters are invading your mind to gain information, you can force them to see what you want them to. Not just changing to a different memory, but by manipulating what they see. If they think what they saw was the true, they won't go looking for it again. Make Harry change emotions. Make him more distant."
Ginny swallowed. "I don't know how."
I don't want to, she added silently.
"Picture a real time he was angry. Emulate that," Marlene explained. "There are students within Hogwarts who have already taken the Mark. They have seen the two of you together. They will tell Voldemort about your relationship. Make it seem like it wasn't paradise. Make it seem like the two of you weren't as close as you are."
"How?" Ginny pressed, her gaze burning a hole into Harry's youthful face.
"Cover your ears so you can block out what the both of you are saying," Marlene said. "Then, pretend like you're a puppet master, you're pulling the strings in what they say and do. Tune out reality and force them to bend at your will."
Ginny obeyed, even though every part of her was screaming not to. What was she even supposed to make Harry say? How was she supposed to manipulate a memory in which they're just joking around? It wasn't often that Harry snapped at her. In fact, the worst had been Christmas at Grimmauld Place. He was scared and angry, lashing out on anyone who so much as looked at him wrong. Sliding her eyes closed, she focused on the carefully controlled rage that had settled in his brow, the way he had glared at her.
Fingers wrapped around her wrist, tugging it away from her ear. She looked up to see Harry's face looking distorted. It flickered from angry to laughing. Then, it stopped. Harry only grinned.
"I think the Dementors being here are worth it to see you attacking Malfoy on the Quidditch Pitch with a Patronus," Ginny commented with a smirk.
Harry let out a laugh. "I was so proud of that mist too until I found out it wasn't a Dementor but Malfoy of all people."
"Do you think he peed himself?" Ginny pressed, her body leaning in just slightly towards Harry.
Harry's lips twisted. "Honestly, if he did, that would make Sirius Black wanting to murder me worth it."
Ginny laughed. "Harry!"
"He definitely peed himself, right? I mean, even just a little?" Harry pressed, his eyes sparkling. "Don't shatter my dreams, Gin."
Ginny bit her bottom lip. "He definitely peed himself."
Harry laughed, a genuine smile crossing his face. "This made my entire day."
"You didn't hold onto it," Marlene said. "You can't drop the manipulation. They will know in an instant that you're trying to shift your memory if they see a stitch like that. Try again."
Ginny sighed, her hands pressing against her ears again. Yet, she couldn't hold onto the manipulation for more than a few moments. Failing again and again and again until Ginny wanted to scream.
When they finally left the Pensieve, Ginny wanted to go to sleep and forget about the entire horrible lesson. She didn't even know if she wanted to continue them. While Ginny understood the thought process behind it, she hated every single second of it. She didn't want to imagine her and Harry distant and cold to one another.
"I know this is awful," Marlene said, breaking the awkward silence. "If I was fifteen and someone was telling me to do this, I wouldn't want to either. But you have a very big target on your back, Ginny. I'd hate to see something awful happen to you."
Ginny frowned, her arms crossing in front of her chest. "I just don't see how it helps. So what if I showed them some fake memory of Harry being a git? How does that help me?"
Marlene leaned back against the table, her fingers curling around the lip. "Voldemort recruits at sixteen," she started, her brows furrowing. "He starts with the purebloods. Sirius and I were both extended invitations, which we declined. Harry's dad was offered an invitation as well. James, being James, laughed in his face. From that moment, it put a very large target on James' back. Voldemort wanted the Potters dead. I think he wanted to do it personally, having been humiliated by James. He flipped Peter before he started to target all of their other friends. There is no doubt in my mind that if Sirius had accepted the Secret Keeper position, we would all be dead right now. Voldemort would have slaughtered all of us. He would have tortured Sirius for years until he was willing to give up the secret. He would not have stopped."
Ginny felt sick to her stomach.
"My mind was violated in the worst way possible, Ginny," Marlene continued in a tight voice. "I'm sure Bellatrix gained a lot of valuable information from me. I wish I could have protected Order secrets, protected secrets about my friends, protected information about Sirius and Harry. There's no telling what she saw in my mind. No matter how hard I try, I can't remember what exactly she saw in my head that day."
"You think that will happen to me?" Ginny asked. "Because he's after Harry. Because Harry's humiliated him over and over again by escaping? You think he'll come after all of us?"
Marlene's hazel eyes searched Ginny's face. "I'm positive of it. I think once he accomplishes what he's working on right now, he'll start to target all of you."
Ginny chewed on her bottom lip. "What is he trying to accomplish now?"
Marlene shook her head and offered Ginny a closed-mouth smile. "Let's not talk about that. I'd like to show you just how powerful memory manipulation can be instead," she said, pressing the tip of her wand to her temple. "It's your most powerful tool to mislead your enemy," she continued, pulling her wand away from her head and flicking the long silvery strand into the Pensieve. "Voldemort would never guess you'd manipulate your mind. He will underestimate you given your age. He recruits at sixteen because they're easy prey, easy to control. You could show whatever you want," she said as she pulled another memory from her temple. "You could show him a memory of Harry hiding out in Manchester when he's really in Essex, leading Voldemort on a wild Niffler chase. You're in control if you can stitch the memories perfectly. Nobody would ever know."
Ginny stared at Marlene, watching as she flicked the second memory into the Pensieve. Marlene gestured to the basin and Ginny looked down. Sirius' youthful face laughed with a cigarette in his hand.
"I'll show you the real memory first," Marlene explained. "Then, it'll shift into the fake memory that Bellatrix planted."
Ginny swallowed. "Did Bellatrix Lestrange do this to all your memories?"
Marlene shook her head. "No, just enough of them that I wouldn't question it. When I was asked questions with very specific details, I couldn't answer them, because Bellatrix essentially wiped my memory. She crafted an entirely new life for me. But she used fond memories I had of Sirius and chose to manipulate them so I'd think the very worse of him."
Ginny frowned. "Why?"
"Because Bellatrix is cruel and twisted," Marlene explained. "She wanted Sirius to suffer for his disobedience. The Blacks were brought up to follow orders, not think for themselves. Sirius couldn't help his curious mind. Ever since Sirius left the family, she's tried to make him suffer for it."
Ginny had never been happier to have been born into the Weasley family. Individuality was encouraged, there was always someone to listen to you, and there was a boundless amount of love and understanding.
"Let's go," Marlene said, grabbing Ginny's wrist and causing them to tumble into the memory.
Sirius laid in a back garden on a gingham blanket. One arm was propped behind his head while the other held his smoking cigarette. Marlene sat next to him, squinting up at the night sky.
Marlene pointed to the sky. "Ahh, there you are. Hello, little star Sirius. Your other half is down here."
Sirius let out a bark-like laugh as he took a long drag of his cigarette. "You're not allowed to talk to stars unless you're named after one," he said, a shit-eating grin flitting across his face. "I don't make the rules."
Marlene rolled her eyes before looking down at him. "Who does then, hmm?"
Sirius reached out to put his cigarette out in the ground next to the blanket. "I think some bloke named Aristotle."
Marlene blinked down at him. "Who the bloody hell is that?"
"Learned about him in Muggle Studies," Sirius replied with a shrug. "I can't help that you're uncultured, McKinnon."
"Uncultured? My bloody fucking arse!" Marlene exclaimed, her hand squeezing Sirius' face to make him look like a fish. "You're uncultured, you pompous pureblooded git."
Marlene leaned down to press her lips to his, her fingers loosening from around his chin.
"You're a pompous pureblooded git too, Marly. Lest you forget," Sirius mumbled against her lips.
Marlene chuckled. "I'm pretty sure I could find some non-purebloods in our line because we didn't commit incest."
Sirius grinned. "You're missing out on the joys of inbreeding where your brother is also your cousin."
Marlene wrinkled her nose before settling down on the blanket. She rested her head against his chest and Sirius draped an arm across her stomach.
"I see my favorite constellation," Marlene commented, her lips twisting. "Gemini."
"Gemini?" Sirius scoffed. "Fuck that."
Marlene burst out laughing.
"I hate Gemini," Sirius added, scowling.
"Why?" Marlene pressed, her fingers intertwining with his across her stomach.
"Pollux is in Gemini," Sirius replied in a matter-of-fact tone. "That's my grandfather's name. He's a wanker."
"Well, if we're judging stars and constellations based off how much you like your family members, there's not many to like," Marlene pointed out.
Sirius chuckled. "I guess not."
"I was lying before," Marlene said with a smile. "Gemini is dreadful. Canis Major all the way."
A hand touched Ginny's shoulder, pulling her attention away from the memory in front of her. She glanced up at Marlene.
"Let's see just how awful this can be twisted," Marlene said in a grave voice. "It's not pretty."
The ground fell out from Ginny's feet as she tumbled down. She was back in seemingly the same memory. There was the same gingham blanket. Sirius laid with an arm propped behind his head and a cigarette between his fingers. Marlene looked up at the stars.
Marlene pointed to the sky. "Ahh, there you are. Hello, little star Sirius. Your other half is down here."
Sirius rolled his eyes. "Can you not be so bloody embarrassing?"
Marlene's face fell. "I thought it was funny."
"It's moronic," Sirius snapped. "Merlin, can't we just have one nice night for once without you acting like a complete fool?"
Marlene arched an eyebrow at him, her lips parting but no words escaping.
"It makes you seem quite dumb," Sirius continued, reaching over to put the cigarette out in the grass beside the blanket. "You're not fucking five."
Ginny squinted at the scene. She couldn't see any flickers in their faces or their movements like she had when she had attempted earlier. Ginny took a step forward, staring hard at Sirius. While Sirius could certainly lose his temper and yell, Ginny had never seen him so callous before.
"I'm sorry we can't all be proper like a pompous pureblood git," Marlene said in a strained voice.
Sirius shot up on the blanket, his eyes flashing. "What the fuck did you say to me?"
Marlene's chest heaved. "We're just looking at stars, Sirius. I don't understand why you have to act like this all the time."
Sirius' jaw feathered, his hand shooting out to grab her chin. He squeezed it tightly, dragging her face close to his. A snarl worked its way on his lips.
"Maybe try not acting like a complete idiot for once, yeah?" Sirius growled before he shoved her hard away from him. "I don't even know why I'm with you. You're nothing more than a good fuck, I guess."
A hand touched Ginny's elbow and she was pulled from the memory. Every single limb in Ginny's body tensed as she turned slowly to look at Marlene. She stared at Marlene, not blinking.
"I'm not saying you have to go complete wanker like Bellatrix did with my memories, but do you see how if someone was searching my memory for information on Sirius and I showed them that second memory how they would think I don't know anything at all? They wouldn't waste their time trying to sift through many memories, especially if they saw interactions like that."
Ginny sniffed. "That's the kind of stuff you remembered before, before you got your memories back?"
Marlene sighed. "That was one of the milder interactions," she replied. "Reality versus make believe. If you can sell it, it can work in your favor."
"You'll think I'll need this skill?" Ginny pressed.
"You are a pureblood witch who will not join Voldemort when asked," Marlene started, a deep frown working its way on her face. "Your family are notorious for being blood traitors. Most of your family are members of the Order of the Phoenix. You possessed his diary when you were only eleven. You are the seventh child and only girl in seven generations of Weasleys. Your brother is best mates with Harry. You're dating Harry. The cherry on top for someone like Bellatrix, if she hurts you then that hurts Harry and hurting Harry means hurting Sirius."
Ginny didn't say anything as her stomach sank to the floor. Sixteen. Marlene said he started recruiting at sixteen. Did that mean he'd come for her when she's sixteen?
"You don't have to continue the lessons if you don't want to," Marlene reasoned. "I'm just trying to protect you, your family, and Harry."
Ginny sucked in a breath, her heart thumping roughly in her chest. "I want to learn. I don't want to hurt anyone if he looks into my mind."
Marlene smiled at her. The nerves slipped from Ginny's skin, her mind shifting through all the possibilities. While she knew she couldn't make Harry cruel like Bellatrix had made Sirius, she could probably plant false locations and make it seem like he didn't tell her anything. Even if she died because she didn't know anything, at least it could save Harry and her family if she appeared like she had been left in the dark.
After dropping off Harry and Cepheus at Hogwarts, Sirius attended therapy where he dodged Vidya's questions about his jealous blowup on Christmas Day, his subsequent plain awkward attitude towards Marlene in his letters, and then the absolute devastation of watching James and Lily attempting not to cry as they tried to leave a nice memory for Harry behind. He definitely steered clear of talking about the multiple ghosts that had haunted him over the Christmas holiday. He swore to Merlin he saw James in more windows and mirrors than he could even count.
Instead, Sirius smiled politely and told Vidya about how he fretted over making Christmas morning special for the boys, about how they had baked tarts together, how they had a gingerbread house building competition, and how it all felt so bloody normal. When Vidya only scratched frantic notes in her little folder dedicated all about him, Sirius decided to tell her how he had controlled his anger when Hagrid had ruined his beloved motorbike that he lent him before being carted off to Azkaban. Vidya was not nearly as impressed as Sirius was about the accomplishment. Sirius thought it showed a lot of fucking growth that he hadn't even raised his fucking voice.
After therapy finished, Sirius went straight back to his empty home in Hogsmeade. He slumped in his chair, his head pressing against the cushion as he tried to ignore the way Fluffernoodle tried to curl around his neck. Screwing his eyes shut, he tugged the snake away from his skin and plopped him in his pocket. Sirius spent his afternoon trying to convince himself that he didn't want to wander down to the Hog's Head and drink whisky with Aberforth to make the day end faster.
At some point in the afternoon, Sirius must have fallen asleep in his chair because a knocking sound jolted him. He glanced over at the clock to see it was half past six in the evening. Running a hand down his face, Sirius tried to push away the cobwebs of sleep before he answered his door.
When he opened the door, Tegan stood before him with a mischievous smile. Sirius only felt dread flood his entire body, knowing what he had to do. Surprisingly enough, he hadn't even thought for a moment what he was going to say. But somehow, it seemed wrong to break up with her so soon after Christmas.
"Hey," Tegan greeted. "Long time no see."
Sirius offered her a strained smile. "Hey, come on in," he said, stepping aside to allow her to enter.
"How was your Christmas?" Tegan asked. "I know you were excited to spend it with the boys."
Sirius shut the front door before crossing his arms over his chest. "It was really nice. We went to Andy's for Christmas Eve and then the Weasleys for Christmas. After Christmas, we had some silly gingerbread house making competition with Andy, Ted, Dora, and Remus."
"Demelza and I just had a quiet time at home," Tegan explained. "My parents came to visit. David's mum stopped by."
Sirius searched Tegan's face. "A quiet holiday at home sounds great."
Tegan smiled, taking a step closer to him. Her fingers ghosted up his neck until they tickled bearded cheeks.
"I missed you," she whispered, her bottom lip securing between her teeth.
Sirius' throat narrowed. "We need to talk, Tegan."
Tegan's brow furrowed, her hands dropping from his face. "If you're upset about the holiday arrangement, then I'm sorry but this is what we agreed to. We agreed the kids wouldn't know."
"I'm not upset about the holiday arrangement," Sirius confirmed, shoving his hands into his trouser pockets. "I'm sorry, Tegan, but I don't think I can carry on at all with our arrangement."
Ripping off the plaster was about the only way Sirius could think about doing it. He had never actually broken up with a girl before. But he didn't even know if this could be considered a breakup if they were never actually dating in the first place.
"Why?" Tegan asked, crossing her arms over her chest.
Sirius let out a low sigh. "It's not you, it's me."
Tegan let out a scoff, her head shaking. "Merlin, Sirius, just don't even with that bullshit," she sighed. "Look, it's fine. It doesn't matter anyway. We were only shagging."
"I like you, Tegan," Sirius explained in what he hoped was a sincere voice. "I like you a lot. You're intelligent and kind, not to mention drop-dead gorgeous. The way you're with Harry makes me like you even more, how soft and patient you are with him when not many are. But you don't know me, Tee. You have no idea just how fucked up I am because of my childhood and because I rotted away in Azkaban for twelve years. I have so much baggage that it couldn't all possibly fit on the Hogwarts Express. I don't have to tell you Harry's special. You've heard the way he's talked about in Order meetings, you know about the prophecy, you know about him being the Chosen One or whatever fucking title they want to give him. He's my entire world. He needs to be my sole focus. And you… you deserve someone who can put you and Demelza first. I can't be that person for you. I can't… I just can't."
Tears welled in Tegan's eyes but none fell down her cheeks. "I don't want someone who can put Demelza and me first. That was David's job and David's not here anymore."
"Tegan, I know it's hard but I think David would want you to be happy," Sirius reasoned. "You deserve happiness. I'm sorry I can't be that for you."
Tegan sniffed, her head turning so she didn't look at him. "You didn't know him."
"You're right, I didn't," Sirius admitted. "I vaguely remember him giving James and me detentions when we were first and second years, but I don't think I said more than two words to him that didn't involve some explanation of why we were out of bounds or denying involvement in whatever prank we pulled."
Tegan screwed her eyes shut, her shoulders shaking. Sirius only felt awful, like the worst person in the entire bloody world. It seemed like the only thing he was good at was hurting people.
Tegan turned to him, her nose red and face splotchy. "Is this about Marlene?"
Sirius couldn't lie to her. She deserved the truth.
"I'm still in love with her," he whispered, his voice hoarse. "She's my David."
Tegan pressed her hand over her mouth.
"I'm so sorry," Sirius whispered. "I never wanted to hurt you."
"No, no, don't. I understand," Tegan whispered, her hand dropping from her face as she tried to school her features. "If it had been David that had returned with no memories, I would have broken things off with you a second later. I never understood why you didn't as soon as she showed up at your house in October."
"Because I like you, Tee. Honestly, I like you," Sirius insisted. "And I wanted to start fresh and move on. But I couldn't."
Tegan nodded, wiping a finger underneath her eye. "I like you too, Sirius. For a while, I thought… I thought maybe we could have been more than just shag buddies."
Sirius wanted to melt into the floor and bloody well die. "You deserve love, Tegan, not just a fun fuck buddy. You deserve someone not as fucked up as I am."
"You're not as fucked up as you perceive yourself, Sirius," Tegan told him.
Sirius' chest constricted. "I'd like to remain friends. I'd like if you still taught Harry. You're his favorite dueling instructor. You explain things to him in a way he gets it. I don't want him to lose you because of me."
Tegan offered him a tight smile. "I'm not upset with you, Sirius. We both agreed to this arrangement. We weren't dating, so I can't be upset with you. So, yeah, friends is, is great. It's what we have always been, right? We just won't have the benefits anymore. And, of course, I'm not leaving Harry. I love teaching him."
"Thank you," Sirius whispered, his eyes searching her face. "I know he'd hate to lose you."
Tegan took a step closer, her fingers wrapping around his shoulder. She tugged him down to her height, wrapping her arms around his neck. Sirius returned the embrace as the blood rushed in his ears.
"I'm glad you have Marlene back," she whispered in his ear. "I'm happy for you."
Sirius pressed his nose into her shoulder. "I'm sorry you can't have David back. It seems cruel you don't get a second chance with him."
"It's not your fault," Tegan breathed as she pulled away from him. "I'll see you Sunday, Sirius," she announced, taking a step away from him. "Tell Harry to work on his shield. We're going to have some fun experimenting with it this weekend."
Sirius searched Tegan's face. "Are you all right?"
A strained smile crossed Tegan's face. "I will be. Goodbye, Sirius."
Tegan turned around and quickly disappeared through the front door. Sirius stood in the quite entryway of his home, feeling empty and lonely. He thought he'd feel better after breaking it off with Tegan, paving the way for him to start showing Marlene that he still loved her. But there was only an uncomfortable weight in his chest.
I know this chapter was on the shorter side, but I think it was necessary as we dive into the second half of the year. I know I said this last week, but i'm iffy if there will be a chapter next weekend. I am so far behind in my writing that it's not even funny. Reviews are always welcome. They help motivate me to keep writing and inspire me.
Special thanks to prewettpotter for all of her help!