"Brumous"

"Chapter Fifty-Six: The Procedure"

Sirius sipped his morning coffee, his eyes glancing over at the clock on the wall. Harry would need to wake up soon if they were going to make it to the Mind Healer appointment on time. Sirius thought it would do the kid some good to talk about things. Harry was, in general, a tight-lipped kid. Sure, he talked with Sirius about more and more things the longer they lived together, but Harry was still so closed off. When Harry usually talked, it was because he let things slip. Sirius collected all the little crumbs of information, categorizing them in his mind and building a past for his godson that he realized he hated. It was a childhood that Sirius understood all too well, too similar for his own liking. Strikingly, one that Sirius considered worse than his own childhood.

Yet, somehow, the kid was still a kind and good person. Harry was far better a person than Sirius was. Sirius wanted it to remain that way. The last thing he wanted was for Harry to grow up to be bitter and jaded like he was.

"Sirius!" the familiar voice of his cousin called. "Sirius!"

"In the kitchen!" Sirius called.

Maybe all the noise would wake Harry up so Sirius didn't need to force the kid out of bed. The kitchen door opened and Andromeda walked in wearing her work robes. She sat her pocketbook down on the table before rummaging through it.

"I've been running some tests on the basilisk venom to see if I could make it a little safer for Harry," Andromeda started as she pulled a folder form her pocketbook. "Seeing if maybe we could dilute it a bit to be a little less toxic but also still effective."

Sirius pulled his wand out and cast a privacy charm around the kitchen in case Harry wandered downstairs. Andromeda furrowed her brow as she sat the folder of parchment down in front of Sirius.

"Is someone here?" Andromeda asked. "Do you have a girl here? I swear to Merlin, Sirius, you're going to drive Marlene further away if you're still sleeping around."

Sirius scowled at his cousin. "Harry's here for fuck's sake, Andy! And I don't sleep around."

Andromeda sank down into the chair opposite of Sirius. He let out a sigh, drawing the folder closer to him and rifling through the parchment inside.

"Why is Harry here?" Andromeda asked. "Is he all right?"

Sirius eyes roamed across a bunch of technical healing terminology, barely comprehending what he was reading. "He's fine," he replied in a dull tone, really wishing he had paid better attention in Potions class while at Hogwarts. "I'm taking him to see my Mind Healer today."

"Wait, what?" Andromeda said, pressing her palm against the parchment so Sirius couldn't read. "What's going on?"

Sirius glanced up at his cousin, sucking in a deep breath. "He let it slip last week that the Dursleys refused to call him Harry as a kid. They called him 'boy' or 'freak' and I wanted to go commit some murders right then and there but somehow managed to stop myself."

Andromeda frowned, tears immediately brimming in her eyes. "I don't understand how anyone could do that to a child. Harry is so sweet. How could anyone be so cruel to him?"

Sirius' jaw jutted to the side, his head nodding. "He called them his aunt and uncle when he said it. So casually. And I… I told him why I call my parents Walburga and Orion. I told him it might be easier for him if he started separating them as family as well."

Andromeda's hand fumbled for his, giving his hand a tight squeeze. "Did you suggest he see a Mind Healer?"

"Yeah," Sirius admitted. "I think it's helping me," he continued, his eyes squinting at her. "I don't feel so… I don't know. Like I'm barely breathing."

"Well, that could be the depression potion you're on," Andromeda reasoned, her thumb stroking across his knuckles. "But talking about your shit childhood is also helpful."

Sirius licked his bottom lip. "I just don't want Harry to turn into someone like me. I wonder if I had this opportunity at his age to see someone if things would have been different. Although, to be honest with you, I'm not sure I would have seized the opportunity at sixteen."

"Sirius, you are a wonderful father, do you know that?" Andromeda said in a fierce tone. "The way you've cared for Harry and Cepheus is so admirable. You have had to overcome so many hurdles to get where you are today. I know none of this is easy for you. I know opening yourself up to Harry isn't easy. You've held everything in for so long that it's second nature at this point. I'm proud of you."

Sirius' heart twisted in his chest. For so long, Sirius felt like he was just barely getting by. He wanted to do more and be more for Harry. Finally, he felt like he was in a spot to actually accomplish that because it was almost like a fog had been lifted.

"You have to show him it's all right to talk about the hard stuff today," Andromeda continued. "You need to open up and talk in-depth about your childhood so Harry feels comfortable talking about his."

A lump formed in Sirius' throat. "I know."

"Listen to me," Andromeda whispered, her gray eyes searching his. "No matter what Harry may say today, you need to know there is nothing to feel guilty over. It is not your fault that he was sent to live with those awful people. It is not your fault that you were arrested and locked up without a trial. It is not your fault that James and Lily died. None of it is your fault. Your heart has always been in the right place. Always. I know you think you're some terrible person, but you're not, Sirius. You are a person who has always put his loved ones before himself, a person who has always tried to protect everyone around him, a person who is good. You are a good person, Sirius. I wish you could see that."

Sirius closed his eyes, a shuddering breath escaping his lips. More than anything, Sirius wished he could fix a lot of the mistakes he made over the years. Nearly all of them seemed to revolve around Harry because he loved the kid so damn much. But wallowing in his mistakes had done neither one of them any good. Halloween, when he had nearly killed himself with alcohol, was a testament to that. He would never be able to forget the look on Harry's face when he came to visit him in the hospital, knowing he had stayed there with Andromeda and Ted in the waiting room until Sirius was allowed visitors.

The door to the kitchen creaked. Sirius opened his eyes to see his godson wandering into the kitchen with his hair sticking up in every single direction possible and his hands shoved into the front pocket of his hooded sweatshirt. Despite all the clothes the kid now owned, Sirius had only seen him wear the same five-odd outfits.

"Harry, darling, I didn't know you were going to be here," Andromeda greeted, making her way over to him and tugging him down for a hug. "How's school?"

Sirius closed the folder of parchment and slid it back into Andromeda's pocketbook before Harry could see it. The last thing he wanted to do was answer any more questions about the procedure, knowing he couldn't tell Harry the entire truth.

"It's good," Harry replied, allowing Andromeda to peck him on the cheek before they parted.

"I overheard Professor McGonagall telling Sirius last Order meeting how your grades have never been better," Andromeda said, beaming proudly. "She said your Trans-Species Transfiguration assignment was exceptional."

Harry shrugged. "I just did the research."

Andromeda turned to Sirius. "Didn't James get published on that topic?"

Sirius' eyes glided over to his curious godson. "Yeah, something about transfiguring certain areas of the brains amongst various species."

"Really?" Harry asked, his eyebrows shooting up over his glasses.

Sirius cleared his throat. "Yeah, I think McGonagall has a copy lying around," he said, knowing damn well she did. "She co-wrote it with him. It's very technical. I don't even know half of what it says. I was more interested in conjuring than I was trans-species, so I never paid much attention when he'd prattle on about it."

"Just ask her for it," Andromeda suggested. "She'll let you read it. I'm sure Sirius can explain it a bit if you need him to. Don't let him fool you into thinking he's only good at certain branches of Transfiguration. He received an Outstanding on his N.E.W.T."

Sirius rolled his eyes as he stood up from the kitchen table to pour himself some more coffee. "Why do I always regret telling you things?"

"He took six N.E.W.T. level classes and passed all six of them. Four of them he even received Outstandings," Andromeda gushed with a wide smile.

"What classes did you take?" Harry asked.

Sirius poured another cup of coffee for Harry. "Transfiguration, Potions, Defense, Charms, Muggle Studies, and Divination. I liked to tease James because I received an Exceeds Expectations in Divination and he only got an Acceptable. Everything else we matched at."

"Wasn't there only four of you in N.E.W.T. Divination?" Andromeda asked.

Sirius nodded, taking both cups of coffee to the table and sitting them down. "It was just a doss subject. Mainly took it to piss Walburga off because 'Blacks should study important magic like Arithmancy and Ancient Runes.'"

"I took those subjects!" Andromeda exclaimed with a laugh. "I was a far better Black than you."

Sirius pursed his lips to the side, his attention turning to Harry. "Our Uncle Alphard once told me to emulate Andy because she was a very good rule follower. I had a lot of issues with following the Black family rules. When I was old enough, I purposely broke them."

"He was a rambunctious little boy," Andromeda clarified for Harry as she grabbed her pocketbook off the table. "The Blacks simply expected us all to be born as fifty-year-old stuffy purebloods. The girls had a far easier time staying out of trouble than the boys. We were naturally calmer."

Sirius leaned back in his chair, his gaze boring into Harry. "In short, we were not allowed to be children. No playing or joking or laughter should be heard within the walls of a Black family home."

Andromeda shook her head. "I need to head to work before I'm late. We'll talk later, Sirius, all right?" she said before turning to Harry. "Sirius told me you were going with him today. I know it's hard, but just be open and honest. I promise you, you will feel better. Nobody will judge you or feel differently about you. Sirius loves you. I love you. Ted loves you. We all love you, darling, all right? No matter what. You know I'm always here for you. We can chat on the mirror whenever you want or I can come sign you out for dinner in the village if you need me to."

Harry nodded, a soft smile crossing his face. "I know. I love you too, Andy."

Andromeda smiled brightly, her hands cupping Harry's face. "You are my nephew, Harry. My incredibly kind and smart little nephew. Not that horrid woman's nephew. Do you understand me? You are my nephew."

Harry's eyes sparked underneath his glasses. Sirius couldn't tell if there were tears in his eyes or not.

"Sirius said I shouldn't think of them as family," Harry admitted in a small voice. "He said they don't deserve the titles of aunt and uncle."

"They don't," Andromeda agreed.

Harry swallowed visibly. "I've… I've thought of you like an aunt for a while, you know? You treat me the way I wanted Petunia to treat me when I was a kid."

Andromeda pushed a piece of hair that had fallen on Harry's forehead up with the rest of his unruly locks. "I am very honored to be your aunt. You don't have to, but if you ever wanted to call me Aunt Andy then I'd be more than okay with it. The same goes with Ted. He loves you so very much, Harry."

The corners of Harry's mouth twitched. "I think I'd… I'd like that?"

Andromeda's eyes swelled with tears as she pulled Harry down to her height, crushing him to her. "That makes me so happy, Harry. I love you, darling. I am always here for you. Night or day. I want you to remember that."

"I will," Harry promised, returning the hug.

Andromeda gave Harry's arm a squeeze before she said goodbye to both of them. Once she had left the room, Harry made his way over to the table and sat down across from Sirius. His fingers laced around the cup as he dragged it closer to him. Harry stared hard at his cup.

"What exactly did you tell Andy?" Harry asked, not looking at Sirius but not seemingly upset.

"Harry, it's not a secret that you were abused," Sirius leveled. "Trust me, Andy and I are well-acquainted with what an abused child looks like."

Harry tilted his chin up to look at him, his lips pursing.

"I don't say anything to just anyone," Sirius continued. "I talk to Andy, because I trust her and I know she loves you. You haven't exactly hidden your past all that well. You make very shocking statements in the most nonchalant way possibly. We've all picked up on it. Ted took one look at your very sparse healing file and knew you were neglected."

"So, Ted knows a bunch too?" Harry pressed. "I mean, I knew they knew some stuff. I just didn't know how much."

Sirius leaned forward. "I need you to listen to me," he said in a firm voice, his eyes searching Harry's frowning face. "We are family. A true family. None of us care about the past. Right before you came in here, I had Andy basically telling me I need to let go of all the guilt I've been carrying around with me for fifteen years. She knows all my baggage and she knows your baggage and we all know each other's baggage because while family is a wonderful thing, family can also be annoying as fucking hell occasionally."

Harry glanced over to the right. "Sometimes, I feel like everyone know so much about me but I don't know that much about them."

Sirius reached across the table to grab Harry's arm, drawing the kid's attention back to him. "What do you want to know? Ask me anything. I'm… I'm at a place where I can talk to you about this. Finally. It's why I'm allowing you to sit in on my very awkward and draining therapy session."

Harry's brows furrowed underneath his glasses. "I don't…" he trailed off, shrugging. "I don't know what to ask."

Sirius nodded. "That's all right," he insisted, his chin gesturing to the door to the kitchen. "Why don't you get ready to go? We can grab some fresh coffee and a quick breakfast on our way there."

Harry nodded, slowly rising from his chair. Sirius' fingers slipped from around Harry's arm, thumping uselessly onto the table between them. Watching the kid go, Sirius couldn't help the anxiety that rose in his chest. He hoped to fucking Merlin taking Harry with him to Vidya was the right thing to do. The thought of being more open than he had ever been in a session was daunting, to say the least. But he knew he had to show Harry it was all right. He had to force himself to talk the abuse he suffered as a child, holding nothing back. That made Sirius want to stab his fucking eyes out.

Harry stared at the same page of the Quidditch magazine he had been on since he opened it. Sirius sat next to him, still as a statue, his eyes glued to the clock on the wall as he held his takeaway cup of coffee in his hands.

Harry's leg bounced, the words on the page blurring together. He glanced around the room. It looked like a normal waiting room. Harry was immensely glad that nobody else was around to see him and Sirius sitting there. Maybe it was built by design for privacy. There was no way that Sirius would take Harry anywhere that wasn't safe and private. Security had always been the upmost importance to Sirius.

"Sirius?"

Harry looked up to see a woman approaching them. Her long dark hair was pulled back in a neat plait and her warm brown eyes sparkled as she greeted them. Sirius stood up, his hand extending to the woman to shake in greeting. Harry quickly tossed the magazine onto the table next to him and jumped up to stand next to his godfather, their shoulders brushing against each other's.

"Vidya, this is my godson Harry," Sirius introduced them, pressing a hand on the back of Harry's neck. "Harry, this is Vidya Patil."

Harry shook Mrs Patil's hand, a small smile crossing his face in the process. Harry squinted down at the woman, soaking in her slightly familiar features. Vidya Patil. Harry's smile fell in an instant.

"Err… I'm sorry, are you… do you have daughters at Hogwarts?" Harry asked.

"Yes, Padma and Parvati," Mrs Patil confirmed, much to Harry's horror. "I take patient confidentiality very seriously, Harry. I do not speak to my daughters, or anyone, about my patients."

Sirius gave Harry's neck a squeeze. "There's magic on the room where she won't be able to remember anything that we've said once she leaves that room. She couldn't tell you one thing I've discussed with her before until we're in those four walls."

"How does that work?" Harry pressed.

"It's sort of like quarantining a part of my mind," Mrs Patil explained. "I actually had Sirius tell me about you coming outside of my office so I would remember you would be here today and I could prepare for a dual session. Of course, once we enter my office, I'm sure I'll remember more details about what Sirius and I discussed about you coming. Your files can't leave the room, so I always make sure that I'm at the office early to review patient files if need be before my sessions of the day, and I stay late if need be to do any extra work that's required. The only things I remember about our sessions is what we discuss outside of my office. I promise you, nobody even knows the names of my patients. Nobody knows that I have been seeing Sirius since November. Nobody will know you were even here today."

Harry felt slightly better about it all, but he couldn't help the uneasiness that swarmed in the pit of his stomach. Parvati and Lavender were some of the school's biggest gossips. If Parvati knew he was here, then all of Hogwarts would know he was a headcase.

Mrs Patil arched an eyebrow. "To be honest with you, Harry, I don't even know why you're here right now. I mean, I know Sirius is your godfather and he has custody. Until we get inside my room, I don't have the foggiest idea what you're even doing here."

"Come on, kid, it'll be all right," Sirius insisted.

Harry nodded, listening to Sirius and Mrs Patil make small talk as they made their way back to her office. While Sirius had never said the name of his Mind Healer, Harry felt rather silly for not knowing it was Parvati and Padma's mum. Harry wondered if Sirius knew that bit of information and if it bothered him as much as it bothered Harry.

Upon entering the room, Harry followed Sirius' lead and took a seat on the sofa next to his godfather. While Sirius lounged back in the cushions, Harry didn't find himself quite as comfortable. His eyes followed Mrs Patil as she sat across from them, pulling a rather thick file onto her lap. Harry knew it was Sirius' file, but he couldn't help but speculate how much about him was in there.

"Hello, Harry," Mrs Patil smiled brightly at him. "I suddenly feel like I know you a lot better."

Sirius chuckled, resting his arm on the back of the sofa around Harry.

"Is that a good thing?" Harry questioned.

Mrs Patil nodded. "A very good thing. Your godfather talks about you quite a bit."

Harry glanced over at Sirius. "All good things, I hope."

Sirius smiled tightly, his head lolling to the side to look at Harry. "Mostly. I also told her how you're going to give me a heart attack one of these days, but I'm told that's normal for a parent to feel that way."

Harry let out a throaty breath. "Right."

Sirius pressed a reassuring hand on the back of Harry's head for a few moments before his arm dropped back to the sofa. Harry chewed on the inside of his cheek, not knowing exactly what to do. He had never been to a therapist or Mind Healer or whatever before.

"How have you been, Sirius?" Mrs Patil asked.

Harry peered curiously over at Sirius to see him scratching his brow with his thumbnail.

"I've been… going in a better direction," Sirius replied, sucking in a breath. "I was telling Andy this morning that I felt like I had been barely breathing for a very long time. Just… getting by, I guess."

"What do you think changed that?" Mrs Patil pressed.

Sirius shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe just trying to… move on, I suppose. Andy thought the depression potion was a bit factor as well."

Mrs Patil wrote something down. Harry craned his neck to try to see what it was but couldn't make it out.

"What have you been trying to move on from, Sirius?" Mrs Patil asked.

Sirius swallowed, his eyes glancing up at the ceiling, and gritted his teeth. "The guilt. I always felt so guilty. About everything and anything since I was a kid. Guilty I wasn't a good enough son. Guilty that I never saved my brother. Guilty that I couldn't save James and Lily. Guilty I didn't raise Harry. I feel like I… like I'm a burden on people. That Andy is always having to excuse my bad behavior or, or my short-temper. And I hate it."

"Do you ever feel anxious?" Mrs Patil asked.

Sirius' gaze dropped down to look at her. "We're in the middle of a war. Of course, I feel bloody anxious all the time."

Mrs Patil nodded. "What do you feel anxious over exactly?"

Sirius furrowed his brows. "Everything? Anything? I lost so many people in the first war. I don't want to lose anyone else. I can't."

"You lost a lot personally in the first war as well," Mrs Patil pointed out. "Not just loved ones."

Sirius swallowed. "Yeah, but that doesn't matter."

"You were arrested and locked away in Azkaban without a trial for a crime you didn't commit for twelve years," Mrs Patil said in a matter-of-fact tone. "I'd say that's a pretty big loss, Sirius."

"Look, I may not have killed those Muggles, but it's not like I didn't deserve to be there," Sirius argued, his jaw feathering.

Harry stared at his godfather, the events of the Shrieking Shack flitting across Harry's mind when Sirius admitted he good as killed Harry's parents. Except, Harry had never believed that. Sirius had tried to keep them all safe. Though Harry didn't know his parents, he doubted they'd blame Sirius for anything that happened. Harry sure didn't. Over the past several months, he made sure Sirius knew he didn't blame him for anything.

"Why do you think you deserved to be there?" Mrs Patil asked, her quill scratching across the parchment.

Sirius hesitated, his gaze wandering over to Harry next to him. Harry kept the eye contact.

"Because I couldn't save them," Sirius whispered, his face pulling. "It was my job and I fucked it up. I should have been Secret Keeper. I should have been the one to die."

Harry felt his stomach drop to the floor. His lips parted to say something but Sirius only turned around and focused his attention out the window. His fingers rubbed against his lips.

"Before what happened that Halloween night, did you have similar feelings?" Mrs Patil asked.

"I don't know," Sirius said in a flat tone.

Mrs Patil nodded. "Did you have those same feelings when Regulus died?"

The skin underneath Sirius' eye twitched enough that Harry noticed it. "I got out and I didn't look back. I should have gotten him out too, but I was selfish and an arse and I just wanted to forget that the Black family even existed. He didn't…" he trailed off, his voice cracking. "He didn't want to hurt anyone. He was forced to because he was too weak and foolish to leave. I should have helped him leave. So, yeah, it should have been me. I should have fucking died instead of him. I should have died getting him out if need be."

"You've always avoided talking about the day you left your family," Mrs Patil said in a soothing voice. "Have you told Harry why you left?"

Sirius sucked in a breath and held it. Slowly, Sirius turned to look at Harry. The muscles in his neck shown. His shoulders stiff. Harry could tell that Sirius wanted to do anything except for talk about that night. Sirius sucked in a breath and held it, his eyes never leaving Harry's face.

"Andy told me I needed to talk about this stuff so you knew it was all right to talk about it too," Sirius whispered, tears swimming in his eyes but not falling. "I know you know bits and pieces about my childhood. I was no stranger to long lectures and punishments as a kid. But Voldemort recruits at sixteen, as you know. I was expected to take the Mark. I was expected to do it willingly and with an eager smile on my face. I kept refusing. I kept running. I told you my family sought to break me that Christmas holiday, to force me into submission. Harry… they tortured me. They tried to manipulate my memories like they did to Marlene. They kept me chained up in my own filth. My Aunt Druella told me it was to humble me. They denied me food and comfort. They sought to make an example out of me, letting anyone walk by and see me at my very worst. I thought I was going to die. At some point, I wanted to die just to end the humiliation and the pain and everything. I had never experienced anything like that before. Walburga and Orion had never… they had never done anything even remotely close to that before. I remember thinking… it had all escalated so quickly. I was scared. I don't know what I would have done if your grandparents hadn't taken me in."

Harry only stared at his godfather, an uncomfortable twisting occurring in his chest. Harry knew all about humiliation and being locked away without food or comfort. He could remember all the times that Vernon had spanked him to tears while Dudley watched and laughed. Even worse, he could remember Marge suggesting a belt and giving pointers to Vernon while she watched as he was beaten. There had been far too many nights Harry had been denied food and use of a restroom, being locked away and forgotten about in the cupboard under the stairs.

Sirius pulled back the sleeve of his leather jacket to reveal a scar on his arm. "Arcturus, Orion's father, left that mark after a rather nasty punishment because I punched Evan Rosier in the face for burning Charlotte during a game of Exploding Snap," he explained, an odd look crossing his face. "Apparently, Blacks do not lower themselves in partaking in such silly things like Muggle dueling," he said the last two words in a deep voice that Harry could only assume was his impression of Arcturus as Sirius flipped his arm to reveal his wrist to reveal another scar. "Irma, Walburga's mother, burned me with the tip of her wand to teach me a lesson for shooting spit drenched parchment at her. I thought it was rather funny. She had a bunch of waded up parchment stuck in her hair."

Harry didn't know what to say. He hadn't really noticed the scars on his godfather's arm before. Sirius normally wore long sleeves or his leather jacket. The times he had worn a t-shirt, Harry had never paid attention. He had seen the words bête noire that Bellatrix had branded on his chest over the summer on the beach in France.

"I'm no stranger to shitty family, Harry," Sirius concluded, a deep frown etching onto his face. "I hate that you know just how cruel someone can be to a child. I remember seeing you for the first time when you were thirteen. You were so small. Your clothes were so worn and far too big on you. You were so eager to live with me. I didn't want to leave you. I didn't want you to go back there. But I didn't know what to do. I still don't know what to do half the time."

Harry swallowed. "I used to wish I had some long lost relative as a kid," he admitted, his throat tight. "Someone who actually wanted me. When I met you and learned the truth, I was really happy. When you kept showing up, when you kept writing me and being there for me… I couldn't believe it," he said, licking his bottom lip. "You sent me all those letters the week leading up to the final task during the Triwizard Tournament. I looked forward to them. They helped me remain calm. I especially liked when you signed them with a paw print."

Sirius smiled, the wrinkles around his eyes becoming more prominent. "I wish I could have been there for you in person."

Harry shrugged. "You were there for me. That's all that matters. I finally felt like someone actually cared about me."

Harry meant it. With everything he had in him. He wanted Sirius to know that.

"And… look, I wish my parents had never died," Harry started out, shifting in his spot on the sofa. "But I wouldn't want to sacrifice you for my parents. I wouldn't want you to die for them to be here. I want you all here. I can't have that. But I do have you. I'm really glad my parents named you my godfather. I don't want you to think I'd rather have them here than you. Who knows what would have happened if you were Secret Keeper. You would have been murdered and my parents could have stilled died anyway. Maybe I would have died."

A wince crossed Sirius' face. Harry meant what he had said. If Sirius had been Secret Keeper, surely he would have been murdered. What if his parents had picked a new Secret Keeper after Sirius' death? What if they had selected Pettigrew? They all could have still died as a result.

"I think it's important to point out that Harry is right, Sirius," Mrs Patil said, snapping Harry's attention to her. Honestly, he had forgotten she had even been there. "You don't know what would have happened even if you had done things differently. You need to let go of the guilt and appreciate that Harry is alive and he is in your custody now. You can't fix past mistakes. But you can make things better going forward."

Harry glanced over at his godfather. Sirius' eyes were closed, his head nodding at the statement. When Sirius' eyes opened, he glanced over at Harry. His Adam's apple bobbed as he reached out to grip Harry's shoulder. Harry thought maybe therapy wasn't the worst experience in the world as he somehow felt infinitely closer to Sirius in that moment.

Ginny had been noticing it for a while now. Ron and Demelza had become friends. Good friends. He was always chatting with her, joking around with her, sitting next to her at meals. Ginny only narrowed her eyes as she watched Ron lean down to pick up his and Demelza's brooms after practice, ready to carry them like the gentleman that he damn well wasn't.

All Ginny could think about was Niamh. Sweet, trusting, kind Niamh who had to fall for her idiot brother. She couldn't even remember the last time she had seen them holding hands for fuck's sake! Niamh was always in the greenhouse with Cepheus lately, probably trying to stay away from their friendship group because Ron and Harry were annoyingly attached at the bloody hip.

A gloved hand wrapped around her neck. She turned to see Harry staring down at her, his nose red from the chilly January air. A huff escaped her lips, her eyes rolling.

Harry's brow furrowed. "Err, are you upset? Did I do something?"

Ginny crossed her arms over her chest. "You had the gall to be best friends with a complete wanker like Ron!"

Harry's face pulled. "Did you forget he was your brother first?"

A growl sounded in the back of her throat.

"What did he do now?" Harry asked with a sigh.

Ginny gestured wildly at Ron and Demelza. They were making their way out of the pitch, their shoulders bumping against each other's as they talked.

"Being a pillock," Ginny replied. "What else is new?"

Harry's face pulled. "Do I even want to know?"

Ginny searched his face. "No."

"Right," Harry said in an even tone. "I'll wait for you outside of the changing rooms, yeah?"

Ginny nodded, the two of them making their way towards the changing rooms. They parted and Ginny entered the girls' room. She saw Demelza and Katie chatting, wide grins on their faces. Ginny stepped up to them, her gaze resting on Demelza. She waited patiently for Katie to finish talking and head towards the showers. Demelza made a move to follow her when Ginny caught her arm.

"I want you to be careful," Ginny started.

Demelza furrowed her brow. "About?"

"I think Ron is flirting with you," Ginny said in a rush. "I mean, he's always with you. Now, he's carrying your broom for you?"

Demelza blinked at her. "First of all, we're teammates and prefects together. Second of all, his best mate is dating my best mate. Third of all, Ron's my friend. My shoulder's been bothering me for a bit so he offered to help carry my stuff. I wasn't going to say no."

"Niamh hasn't been hanging out with us like she used to," Ginny pointed out.

"She's been helping Cepheus with some Herbology project," Demelza explained, taking out her plait. "He's behind on his schoolwork."

Ginny frowned. "He is? How do you know?"

"Niamh told me," Demelza replied, tossing her elastic on the top shelf of her locker. "He's having trouble concentrating apparently. I guess he told her he has nightmares about being tortured and his mum dying."

Ginny wondered if Harry knew about this. Surely, he would have said something to her and ask her how to help him. Cepheus always seemed so content, masking his feelings so well. But it made sense that he was struggling. Ginny knew she would be.

Showering quickly, Ginny got dressed in record speed. When she exited the changing room, Harry was already waiting for her. She chewed on her bottom lip as she stood in front of him, her chin tilting up so she could look at him.

"Harry, have you talked to Cepheus lately?" Ginny asked.

"Err, yeah?" Harry replied. "At breakfast. Why?"

Ginny rolled her eyes. "No, like talk to him talk to him."

"What does that even mean?" Harry asked, his face pulling.

"Cepheus told Niamh who told Demelza who just told me that Cepheus is behind in his classes because he's having nightmares about what happened to him and about his mum dying," Ginny explained.

Harry looked like he was attempting to process exactly what she had said. "What?"

"I think Cepheus is struggling more than he's letting on after everything that happened to him," Ginny explained.

"I mean, he was quiet on Christmas, but he seemed fine otherwise," Harry reasoned, his brows furrowing beneath his glasses.

Ginny gripped Harry's wrist. "I think you should talk to him. He likes you."

"And say what? The girls were gossiping about you and eventually told me?" Harry pressed, his face tugging down.

"No!" Ginny explained, her head shaking in disbelief. "What is wrong with you? Just bring it up to him casually."

Harry looked at her with a blank look on his face. Merlin, he was hopeless. She'd start the bloody conversation for the two of them and then slip out without either one of them noticing to give them privacy. Ginny pulled him by the wrist, marching through the snow towards the greenhouses. She was fairly certain she overheard Cepheus saying he was going there after breakfast.

Pushing open the greenhouse door, Ginny froze in her tracks when she saw Cepheus and Niamh kissing. Niamh pulled back, her wide eyes staring at them. Ginny only saw red, her mouth opening.

"What the fuck, Niamh?" Ginny nearly shouted. "You're cheating on my brother?"

Here she was, thinking Ron as being the pillock when it was really Niamh? Niamh?

"What? No!" Niamh exclaimed. "Ron and I broke up a couple of days after term began!"

Ginny jutted her head back. How the fuck did she not know that?

"So what? My brother isn't good enough for you?" Ginny spat. "He's funny and smart and kind!"

"It, it was mutual!" Niamh protested.

Suddenly, Harry was in front of her, his hands pressing onto her shoulders. He hunched down so that he was the same height as her.

"Ron told me over the Christmas holiday that he hadn't even talked to Niamh and talked about breaking up with her," Harry explained in a rush.

"It's true!" Niamh squeaked. "Please, don't be upset, Ginny! I swear, it was mutual. We both agreed we were better friends."

When Ginny sighed, Harry pulled away from her. He pressed a hand to her lower back as he moved to stand beside her. Ginny looked between Niamh and Cepheus. Cepheus stared at Harry.

"That was our first kiss," Niamh explained.

Ginny pursed her lips to the side, considering. "Well, I guess you and Ron didn't have a lot in common."

Niamh nodded eagerly. "We really didn't! But we're still friends!"

Ginny glanced up at Harry to see him staring at his shoes. "Come on, let's go. I'm starving. Let them have a first kiss redo or whatever."

She figured they could talk to Cepheus later, because she felt a tad bit bad about interrupting them. To be honest, she felt a little relieved. She wouldn't have to pummel Ron nor break off her friendship with Niamh. If Cepheus was struggling more than they thought, then Niamh was the perfect listener for him.

Reaching around her back, she grabbed Harry's hand that was still situated on her back. She pulled Harry out of the greenhouse, the door shutting behind them. Ginny turned to Harry and smacked him in the arm.

"Ron told you he was thinking of breaking up with Niamh over Christmas and you didn't tell me?" Ginny asked, her eyebrows raised.

"Err… no? I don't know," Harry replied with a shrug.

Ginny sighed. "You have no idea how to gossip, do you?"

"I highly dislike all the gossip," Harry reasoned.

Ginny sighed, her fingers lacing with Harry's as they walked towards the castle. Her mind wouldn't help but wander back to Ron and Demelza. They both loved Quidditch, had the same sense of humor, and both wanted to be Aurors. They were bloody well perfect for each other. Having Demelza be a part of the family? Merlin, she never realized how perfect the match was before.

Marlene arrived bright and early to the clinic and performed the Unlocking Pattern on the door to Eloise Bobbin's small wizarding clinic. Dumbledore had secured the use of the clinic for private use to attempt to remove Harry's Horcrux. Eloise was a member of the Order of the Phoenix and the little sister of Kingsley and Magnus Shacklebolt. Marlene didn't know her well, but all of the Shacklebolts seemed like good and honest people. She knew Sirius was close to both Magnus and Kingsley, not to mention their Uncle Edmund who had dated Sirius' Uncle Alphard for a good five years before Alphard had died. Knowing Sirius felt at ease utilizing the clinic helped to ease her anxiety about maintaining privacy.

The curtains were already drawn, blocking out prying eyes from looking inside. Marlene stepped up to the sconces on the wall, lighting them with her wand so the room burst to life. She paced around the waiting room, noting the art hanging on the wall and trying to keep her mind off the task at hand. It seemed wrong what they were about to do. Cutting Harry open and pouring basilisk venom inside of him seemed a bit extreme. But it was Sirius attending the Horcrux lessons with Harry, not her. It was Sirius who had been there for Harry for the past three years, not her. It was Sirius who had legal custody, not her. It was Sirius who at least had a bloody plan, not her.

The information Sirius knew, he had known for years. Marlene had only known about it for months. It was a constant game of catch up for Marlene, trying to figure out what exactly was happening to her godson. Merlin, Sirius had sat pondering the bloody prophecy for sixteen years while Marlene had refused to hear it. Because all those years ago, when she laid eyes on her tiny newborn godson, she felt physically sick the moment the word 'prophecy' had escaped James' lips.

Marlene would be lying to herself if she said she wasn't a tad jealous of how close Sirius was to Harry. She wanted that closeness as well. It seemed to finally be getting there, albeit slowly. Every time she looked at Harry, she could remember how close they had been when he was a small child. The little boy who snuggled against her chest after he was exhausted from playing with Sirius for hours on end. The little boy who would cuddle with Sirius and kick her thighs with a giant grin on his face. The little boy who loved blueberries and playing in his miniature kitchen. The little boy who sat oddly still as he watched Lily brew potions in the kitchen. The little boy who would bounce on the sofa in his Magpies shirt next to James as they listened to Quidditch games on the wireless.

All Marlene wanted was for them to be a family, like they were always meant to be. She was very acutely aware that things between her and Sirius had shifted. For one, he was far chattier with her than he had ever been. Two, he had broken up with his girlfriend for, presumably, her. Third, they had sex in the Astronomy classroom like they were eighteen years old again. Marlene didn't know if that made them exclusive or not. She hadn't discussed their relationship with him. The next time she had seen him, he had been anxious about the procedure and they ended up talking about it for hours.

The front door opened to reveal Andromeda and Ted. With a quick nod and a hello, Ted greeted her before he dashed down the corridor where the patient rooms were. Marlene turned to Andromeda, offering her a smile.

"Don't mind Ted," Andromeda greeted, stopping in front of Marlene. "He's been so worried about today. He'd never forgive himself if something happened to Harry."

Marlene nodded. "It'll be fine," she insisted, though she wasn't sure if it was more for her benefit or Andromeda's. "We have phoenix tears that can literally fix anything."

"That's what I kept telling him," Andromeda replied. "He just cares about Harry so much. He's like a nephew to us," she explained in a soft tone.

It was no surprise to Marlene that Andromeda and Ted had all but adopted Harry into their family with how close they had both always been to Sirius.

"Speaking of my honorary nephew, are he and Sirius here yet?" Andromeda asked.

Marlene shook her head. "I was the first."

Andromeda frowned, glancing down at her watch on her wrist. Marlene couldn't help but wonder if Andromeda knew about the, well, the sex incident. From what she could remember, Sirius had confided in Andromeda when he was younger. She always seemed to know what was going on in his life, all about Harry, and his relationship with Marlene. It wasn't that Marlene minded if Andromeda knew. She'd just like to know what Sirius was saying about it.

Marlene crossed her arms over her chest. "I got Remus and Dora's wedding invite," she said in a casual tone. "An Easter wedding? That sounds lovely."

"Yes, I guess they want to be married sooner rather than later," Andromeda replied. "I don't know much about what they're actually planning. Dora and I have very different styles. I've tried to keep my mouth shut because it's her big day and just let her plan. I only offer my opinion when asked. It was only the dress she cared for my opinion on."

Marlene smiled. "I'm sure she appreciates that. I'm excited to attend. I was going to send my invite back tomorrow. Just me. No plus one."

Andromeda arched an eyebrow. "I'm glad you can come, Marlene."

Marlene swallowed. "And… I mean, you know, it'll be like our old friendship group is back together again," she stumbled over her words, trying to keep the grimace off her face. "Or, what's left of it. Mary is bringing her husband and daughter. And Sirius is, well, is Sirius bringing a plus one?"

Andromeda's lips twitched. "No, he replied that it would just be him, Harry, and Cepheus. Harry and Sirius are both in the wedding. Sirius is the best man."

"That's so ironic considering they were at each other's throats not that long ago," Marlene mused. "Both thinking the other were the spy. Did you see Sirius after he and Remus engaged in a fistfight in some alleyway? Lily said James was about ready to throttle them both. He couldn't stand the fighting."

"They seem a lot closer now than they have ever been," Andromeda reasoned. "That makes me happy. They both seem like they need a friend. Merlin only knows Sirius doesn't tell me anything anymore, so I hope he's confiding in Remus."

That piqued Marlene's interest. So maybe Andromeda had no idea that Marlene and Sirius had shagged each other's bloody brains out less than a week ago.

Andromeda sighed, her head shaking. "I worry about him."

"You do?" Marlene pressed.

"He doesn't laugh often anymore," Andromeda replied with a deep frown. "He rarely smiles. When he does smile, it's always a tight little smile that looks like he's forcing it. He's so serious and angry nowadays. I worry that the Dementors permanently damaged him sometimes."

Marlene had noticed that too. The exhausted posture during Order meetings. How quickly he angered and snapped at people. The annoyed glances at Dumbledore. But he had seemed happier the last few weeks. He joked around with her more, laughed and smiled a tad bit easier. Even though Marlene had noticed the sheer worry that shined in his eyes every time he looked at Harry, being around their godson instantly seemed to lift his mood.

"He'll get there," Marlene said in a confidant tone. "He hasn't had a sip of alcohol in months now despite the shitstorm happening around us. I consider that a big win for him. I know I've noticed a huge change in him since he started the potion."

Andromeda cocked her head to the side. "You know about that? His depression?"

"Yeah, I know," Marlene confirmed.

Harry had let it slip one day. He had been worried the potion wasn't helping Sirius fast enough, petrified that Sirius would drink himself into the hospital again. It wasn't a surprise to her that Sirius had been struggling with depression. Even before Azkaban, Marlene had wondered if he suffered from depression and anxiety. The way he had barely slept, his total lack of regard for his own life, the self-deprecating jokes, his drinking, his moodiness, the way he started to withdraw from their friendship group.

"Does Sirius talk to you?" Andromeda asked in a surprised tone.

Marlene scrunched up her face. "Um… sometimes, I guess? Other times, not at all. Some of it I hear from Harry."

Andromeda searched Marlene's face. "I know this isn't my place at all. If Sirius knew I said anything, well, he'd holler at me. But don't give up on him. I know he still cares about you. When he learned you were back, Merlin, Marlene, he drank until he passed out every single night until Harry was in the house. He didn't know how to deal with the fact that it was Bellatrix who did that to you, knowing she tortured you to hurt him. The depression and the guilt… it eats away at him."

Marlene's eyebrows tugged down. "I know. Sirius was always better at running from his problems rather than facing them."

Andromeda frowned, her fingers gripping Marlene's wrist gently. "You were always good at knocking sense in him. He listened to you as much as he listened to James."

Marlene knew that too. Once Sirius decided he loved a person, he was all in. Marlene could count on one hand the number of people who Sirius had deemed worthy to be in his orbit. Marlene was acutely aware that she had been one of them, and she was fairly certain she still was one.

"I should go help Ted set up," Andromeda said, giving her wrist a squeeze. "Try to calm him down a bit before Harry arrives."

Marlene forced a smile, watching Andromeda disappear down the hallway. The reason she was in the damn clinic crashed into her. Her stomach churned, wishing the entire ordeal would just be over with so she would know for sure that Harry was fine.

Collapsing down onto a chair, she picked up a copy of Witch Weekly on the end table next to her. She flipped through it, seeing various gossip articles about celebrities and athletes. She stopped on one page, her eyes staring at the headline. Ten Signs that He's Hopelessly in Love with You!Marlene rolled her eyes, flipping the page to see some article about some Puddlemere Chaser who was half-naked on the page. Biting her lip, she turned back to the article she had just dismissed and found herself reading all ten signs to distract herself.

Sirius wasn't a stranger to anxiety. He had felt it for years, since he was a small child when he'd tiptoe around his angry parents to avoid punishment, to fighting in a war where his true family was being hunted, to worrying about his godson's safety. The feeling clung to his skin and ached in the pit of his stomach. The only thing that seemed to ease the anxiety was to keep moving, to do something. Except, most of the time, Sirius found himself making more mistakes than fixing anything.

Nodding his head, Sirius tried to listen as Dumbledore spoke with him. The words were just incomprehensible syllables, in one ear and out of the other. His gaze flickered to the door of the headmaster's office as he waited for his godson to appear.

A knock sounded and Dumbledore called for them to enter. The door cracked open to reveal Harry in a hooded sweatshirt and joggers. His hair was a disaster, sticking up more than usual. Dark bags resided under his eyes, his face looking worn and exhausted. Sirius' heart cinched in his chest as he opened his arm for his godson.

"Good morning, Harry," Dumbledore greeted, his normally happy tone muted.

"Morning, sir," Harry greeted, polite as ever, as he stepped up next to his godfather.

Sirius clapped a hand around Harry's neck. "Hey, kid."

"Hey, Sirius," Harry replied, looking up at his godfather with a soft smile crossing his face.

Sirius' hand slid from Harry's neck, wrapping around the kid's shoulders. Tugging his godson closer to his side, he hoped that he was somewhat reassuring Harry that everything would be all right even if Sirius wasn't entirely sure himself.

"We will be traveling to a small wizarding village in Saltaire," Dumbledore explained. "There's a small clinic that was able to accommodate us today that is owned by someone in the Order of the Phoenix."

Sirius squeezed his arm. "We can trust her," he reassured Harry. "I have complete faith that we'll be safe there."

Harry nodded, his body leaning into Sirius' side. Dumbledore then explained that they'd be traveling by Floo and gave the name of where they'd be traveling. Dumbledore readied the fireplace before he stepped into the green flames and disappeared. Sirius gestured for Harry to follow.

Harry turned towards his godfather, a grimace crossing his features. "Can't we just Apparate?"

"What? Why?" Sirius asked.

Harry gulped, his shoulder shrugging. "I hate the Floo."

"I didn't know that," Sirius commented.

It was just another thing Sirius didn't know about Harry. It was always small stuff, things he should have learned because they lived together for fifteen years. But Sirius had never traveled via the Floo with Harry before. He hadn't the foggiest idea why Harry hated the Floo.

"I got lost the first time I did it," Harry admitted, his neck blossoming red. "I wound up in Knockturn Alley instead of Diagon Alley when I was twelve. I've never traveled by Floo since."

Sirius blinked at his godson. "Yeah, let's go through together so you don't find yourself in America or something."

Harry frowned. "Can we do that?"

Sirius nodded, gripping Harry's shoulder and steering him towards the flickering green flames. They stepped into the flames and fire swirled around them. Harry nearly tumbled out of the fireplace when they arrived, but Sirius managed to keep him upright. They stepped out to see Marlene waiting for them, her leg crossed one over the other while she flipped through a copy of Witch Weekly. She looked up at them and smiled.

"Harry, love," Marlene greeted, tossing the magazine onto the end table as she stood. "How are you?"

"I'm all right," Harry replied, bending down without being prompted to hug his godmother.

Sirius couldn't help but smile at the two, the seriousness of the situation slipping from his mind for a few brief moments. When they parted Marlene turned to Sirius and he swore his bloody heart skipped a beat. He stepped closer to her, extending his arm towards her for a hug.

"Hey, Sirius," she greeted.

Sirius held her close to his chest, his gaze catching Harry's over the top of Marlene's head. The kid watched the interaction closely. Fuck, had he never greeted Marlene like this before in front of their godson? Did they have to sit him down and have a talk with him? Not that Sirius thought Harry would care. The kid would be ecstatic. But Sirius didn't even know what label to put on his and Marlene's relationship. Boyfriend and girlfriend? Friends with benefits? Had sex once so they were on the road to dating? Testing the waters? Sirius didn't fucking know. It all seemed so… awkward.

Marlene pulled back and turned towards Harry. She reached out to rub his arm and gestured for the two to follow her. Marlene made small talk as they walked to the back of the clinic. When Marlene pushed the last door on the left open, Sirius felt the bile rise in his throat when he caught sight of the trolley in the middle of the room with the restraints dangling on either side. Fawkes sat on a perch in the corner of the room, having sent him over earlier in the morning. Dumbledore stood with Andromeda and Ted, the three chatting in low tones.

"There's a small room where you can change into some robes for the procedure," Marlene explained to Harry, gesturing to a door off to the right. "Take everything off and put the robe on, all right, love?"

Harry swallowed visibly, his head nodding. He glanced briefly at Sirius before he trudged across the room towards what appeared to be a small loo. The door snapped shut behind him. Suddenly, the weight of the situation crashed into Sirius in full force. They were really doing this. They were going to cut Harry open and pour a poison inside of the wound.

Sirius clenched his teeth so tightly that his jaw began to ache. His limbs twitched as his eyes roamed back over to the restraints on the bed. Sirius definitely wanted to throw up. He wanted to scream. He wanted to punch a wall until he broke every single one of his fingers. Most of all, he just wanted Harry to be all right.

Sirius glanced back to the door where Harry was changing. His heart ached painfully in his chest as his airways began closing. He couldn't help but think this was reckless. What was he even thinking? Dripping poison into his godson? Sirius was a sick and twisted wanker to even consider something like this. What the fuck was wrong with him? He was in his right mind to call it all off.

Fingers wrapped around his for a brief moment. Sirius looked over to see Marlene staring back at him. She offered him a strained smile before she moved to pull her hand away. But Sirius didn't want that. He grabbed her hand, lacing his fingers through hers, and squeezed. Suddenly, Sirius felt grounded. They were doing this to try to help Harry, because they both loved that kid more than anyone else in the entire bloody world.

"We have to try," Marlene whispered.

Sirius swallowed at the lump in his throat, to no avail. "I'm worried," he admitted.

"Me too," Marlene agreed. "But it could work."

Sirius' frown deepened. "Dumbledore doesn't think it will."

Marlene shrugged. "Wouldn't be the first time Dumbledore was wrong."

Sirius nodded, his tongue peeking out to lick his bottom lip. "I just want this over."

"Me too."

Sirius looked over at the door that Harry disappeared through. In the first war, Sirius had let his fear and anxiety consume him. He declined to be Secret Keeper because he was deathly afraid that Bellatrix would be able to break him. Sirius didn't want to be afraid anymore. He couldn't let his anxiety control him forever. It was safe. Completely safe. They had a fucking phoenix and everything. Harry would be fine.

Fine.

Fine.

Fine.

Harry pulled the cotton hospital robe over his head. His heart hammered in his chest as he wondered if he was making the right decision. But what choice did he really have? Harry knew that the possessions and the dreams could become worse again. He didn't want to be made into a puppet like he had over the summer.

Looking at himself in the mirror, Harry winced. The smooth white line across his throat made him shiver. His fingers trailed along the scar. He didn't remember slitting his own throat that one day at Grimmauld Place over the summer. All he remembered was the pain, Sirius holding him close, the chaotic aftermath. Sometimes, Harry wanted to ask Sirius to see the memory. He wanted the blanks filled in. He wanted to know what it looked like when he was possessed, unable to control his own body. Most of all, he just wanted Voldemort out of his head for good before he hurt someone he actually cared about.

Sucking in a breath, he pushed the door open. His eyes roamed around the room. Ted, Andromeda, and Dumbledore still stood huddle together by the trolley. Harry's insides twisted painfully when he noticed the restraints attached to the sides of it. Quickly looking away, he spotted Sirius and Marlene chatting together on the opposite side of the room. As though sensing his presence, Sirius' head turned and their gaze locked.

Sirius broke away immediately, his long legs allowing him to cross the room quickly. As soon as he stopped in front of Harry, Sirius cupped either side of Harry's face.

"Are you all right?" Sirius asked.

His godfather looked a bit pale. Dark bags resided underneath his dull gray eyes. Harry's gut twisted into an even tighter knot.

"Just nervous," Harry confessed, biting the inside of his cheek.

Sirius nodded, his hands dropping to Harry's shoulders. "It'll be fine. We took a lot of precautions."

"I know," Harry said. "I trust you."

A wince crossed Sirius' face, his gaze dropping to the floor. Harry meant the comment to be comforting. Because he did trust Sirius. He trusted Sirius more than any other adult. His godfather had been a steady presence in his life ever since Harry had found out the truth about what had transpired around the time his parents had been murdered.

"I do, you know," Harry whispered. "Trust you."

Sirius swallowed, one of his tight smiles crossing his exhausted face. "I know you do. That's what makes this infinitely harder."

Harry's brows furrowed. "What do you mean?"

"Your parents trusted me too and look how that turned out," Sirius admitted, his eyebrows lowering on his face. "I don't want to let you down too."

Harry's felt his insides coil. "You won't," he said in a sure voice.

Sirius' lips parted as though he were going to say something but thought better of it. His lips wired shut as his gaze looked beyond Harry. A moment later, Andromeda joined them with a wide smile and a green headband in her hands.

"Harry, darling, can you face me?" Andromeda asked.

Sirius' arms crossed as Harry turned towards her. Andromeda asked for him to bend down before she pulled the band over his head and pushed it up onto his head, pulling his wild hair back and out of his face.

"We don't want your hair getting in the way," Andromeda explained, adjusting the headband on his head.

Harry waited patiently as Andromeda pulled hairpins out of her pocket to secure the headband onto his head. He felt rather silly but didn't say anything as she contained his unruly hair.

"Whenever you're ready, we're ready, okay?" Andromeda explained, gripping his hands and squeezing them. "Ted and Marlene will be doing all the hard work. I am in charge of the potion. Professor Dumbledore is just here to offer any help if we need it. Sirius is here to hold your hand and talk to. Ted wants you to keep talking throughout the procedure, so he knows you're fine."

Harry nodded, though the thought of talking nonstop while Ted cut him open was not appealing in the slightest. With a final squeeze and a tight smile, Andromeda left Harry alone with Sirius once more. Harry watched as she joined Ted and Marlene by the trolley. When Marlene caught him looking, she shot him a smile.

"Whenever you're ready, kid," Sirius said in a low tone, his fingers wrapping around the back of Harry's neck.

Harry let out a low breath. "I just want this over with."

The two of them walked towards the trolley. Harry stared at the restraints. While Harry had been confined to a small cupboard under the stairs for hours on end, he had never been restrained before. Harry didn't like the thought of it one bit. His heart hammered in his chest as they stopped short of the trolley, his fingers running against the smooth leather of the restraint. The inside was soft. Honestly, Harry didn't understand why being restrained was so dire. He could understand the Sticking Charm on his head so he wouldn't accidently move, but the restraints seemed like overkill.

"All right, Harry?" Ted called, his normally bright smile a tad bit forced.

"Just a little nervous," Harry admitted.

"That's more than understandable," Ted replied as he patted the trolley. "Jump on up. We can give you some Calming Draught if you want."

Harry shook his head in the negative as he sat down on the trolley. He hated how he felt after taking a Calming Draught. It was as though he wasn't completely in control of his mind and he felt a bit loopy. Trying to regulate his breathing, Harry laid down on the trolley.

"Why don't you let Sirius keep hold of your glasses?" Andromeda suggested.

Harry plucked the frames off his face and held them out to his godfather. Sirius took them, resting them on top of his head. Ted's fingers wrapped around Harry's wrist. Harry snapped his attention to him, squinting up at him.

"I'm going to talk you through this, Harry," Ted commented as he moved Harry's wrist towards the restraint. "Sirius and I are going to restrain you now while Marlene sterilizes and places a numbing potion on your forehead."

A breath in through the nose and out through the mouth. Harry tried to remain calm as his wrists were secure. Sirius slipped a finger between the cuff and his skin before he moved down to secure Harry's ankle.

"It'll be a little cold," Marlene whispered as she painted a chilly potion on his head. "You're doing great, love. I know this is scary, but you are surrounded by people who love you."

Harry couldn't find his voice to say anything. He hated to admit he was scared. He knew if he uttered those words that it would send Sirius into a complete spiral. His eyes slide shut and he tried to focus on anything except the situation he found himself in. The first thing to pop into his mind was Ginny. He could picture her turned around, the sun lighting up behind her, as she smiled at him so wide that her freckles scrunched together. A calmness washed over him.

The feeling was gone a moment later when he felt Sirius' calloused hand squeezing his fingers. His eyes snapped open and he looked over at his godfather. He couldn't make out his expression.

"Can you feel that, Harry?" Ted asked.

Harry felt nothing so he shook his head. Marlene's hands pressed against his cheeks, adjusting his head and keeping him still.

"All right, I'm going to stick your head to the table, all right? You won't be able to move it at all but you'll have a little range of motion in your arms," Ted explained as tapped the side of Harry's neck.

Harry tried to move his head but couldn't. Swallowing down his nerves, his fingers tightened around Sirius'. Honestly, Harry didn't know if he would have agreed to this six months ago. He probably would have screamed to be let off the table. But Ted was right. He was surrounded by people who loved him and who he loved back. Most of all, he trusted them all. Harry couldn't believe how fast his life had changed since Sirius had been declared innocent. He had a family, something he never thought he'd be able to have.

"I'm going to start cutting," Ted announced.

Harry felt an odd tugging sensation on his forehead. It didn't hurt at all, but he could feel where Ted was cutting. That freaked him out more than he was willing to admit.

"Tell me about Quidditch, Harry," Ted pressed. "There's a game in two weeks, right? Andy's decided she's going to force Sirius to deck out in red and gold."

Sirius snorted. "Yeah, right. I'll wear what I normally wear."

"Wearing your old house colors to support Harry isn't torture, Sirius," Andromeda concluded.

Harry held his breath, waiting for the tugging sensation to be over with. His grip tightened even more around Sirius' hand until Harry could barely feel his fingers.

"You ready for the match, Harry?" Ted pressed.

Harry tried to nod but couldn't. He licked his lips, trying to find his voice.

"Talk to me, Harry," Ted pressed. "Are you doing all right?"

"Yeah," Harry managed to get out.

"Tell me about practices," Ted said. "Ron and Ginny still bickering over plays?"

Harry didn't want to talk. It was like his mind was a black void. He couldn't think about anything except for his forehead being slit open.

"Sirius," Ted said in a low tone.

Suddenly, Sirius loomed in his line of vision. He leaned in close, his thumb brushing against Harry's knuckles.

"Hey, I know you're scared," Sirius said in probably the softest tone Harry had ever heard him speak in. "Anyone in your position would be scared. But I need you to talk to me. Fuck, you can just count if you want. Sing the bloody alphabet. Anything."

Harry's bottom lip trembled. His heart beat harsh against his ribs. He wanted out of the restraints. He wanted the wound sealed up. Harry's entire body felt like it was beginning to tingle.

"Sirius, I need him talking," Ted said in a harsher tone.

"Harry, I need to know you're all right," Sirius insisted, his free hand resting on Harry's chest. "Just tell me you're okay."

"I'm okay," he breathed out, his voice cracking.

"Okay. Okay. That's good," Sirius said, his head nodding. "How's Ginny? Tell me about Ginny."

Harry swallowed. "She-she's good," he said, clearing his throat. "I think she's over studying for the O.W.L.s. Said she should skive off the rest of the year like Fred and George."

Sirius let out a strangled chuckle. "I think Molly would kill her. If you like having a girlfriend, you may want to stop her from doing anything rash."

The tingle along Harry's skin soon started to feel hot, as though his body were roasting underneath an open fire.

"Albus…" Ted breathed. "Can you look at this?"

Harry looked up, just barely catching sight of the headmaster and Ted peering at his forehead.

"Do you see that?" Ted said, pointing at something. "I've never seen anything like that."

Sirius shifted, his body leaning over Harry's so he could look as well.

"It's like it's… it's breathing," Ted whispered.

Harry felt himself grow still. "Sirius," he gasped. "Sirius, what's going on?"

Sirius didn't answer, his eyes staring at Harry's forehead.

Dumbledore gestured with his hand. "These connection points would need severed."

"Could the basilisk venom do that?" Marlene asked in barely above a whisper. "Could we sever them with the venom?"

"Sirius," Harry insisted in a panicked voice.

"It's all right, Harry," Sirius replied in a faraway voice as he pointed to something on Harry's forehead. "We'd have to stop the basilisk venom from spreading into his muscle. That's his muscle, right? It's almost like it's melted into him."

Harry couldn't breathe, like someone was squeezing his lungs as hard as they could. What was inside of him?

"Sirius," Harry said, a sob escaping his lips as his body became to tighten and twitch.

"We'll need to the tears to keep it from spreading into his muscles," Marlene commented.

"Sirius!" Harry cried.

Finally, Sirius turned his full attention to Harry. He pulled his face down close so Harry could make out his features.

"It's all right," Sirius said in the most unconvincing voice ever.

"What's in my head?" Harry whispered.

Sirius shook his head. "I don't know."

"It's… it's breathing?" Harry pressed.

Sirius screwed his eyes shut for a few moments. "Pulsating a bit. It's just… it's… I don't know."

"Along here and here," Dumbledore instructed.

"Okay, I have the tears," Andromeda said. "I'm ready when you are, Ted."

"Sirius, are you sure?" Ted pressed.

Sirius glanced up at Ted for a brief moment before he turned his attention back to Harry. "Are you all right to try it? I know you're scared. We don't have to go any further if you don't want."

Harry's lips pulled into a thin line. "Get it out of me. Whatever it is. Please, Sirius, please. I want it out. I trust you."

"Okay, we'll do it," Sirius agreed, his intense gaze not leaving Harry's face. "Just look at me, all right? I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere."

The seconds dragged on. Then, Harry felt like his body had been engulfed in flames. He screamed, his body bucking against the restraints. The pain was unbearable, worse than the Cruciatus Curse, worse than anything he had ever experienced before. His throat felt like it was about ready to split in half. Then, his body snapped like an elastic band.

The pain stopped. An odd ringing sounded in his ears. He opened his eyes and realized he was standing in some house that Harry didn't recognize. The furniture looked expensive and in pristine condition. It smelled sterile like the Dursleys' house, not a speck of dirt anywhere to be found. Harry looked down to see he was wearing a traditional black dress robe that he didn't recognize.

Harry felt angry. For the first time in his life, Harry wanted to hurt someone. He wanted to murder someone. He wanted to watch the life leave some insolent little fool's eyes. A pathetic, weak person who didn't deserve magic. Someone who deserved to be punished. Harry wanted to punish them. He wanted to make them cry and writher under his wand. With a jolt, Harry shook his head. He had no idea where those thoughts had come from, but he didn't want them. What was wrong with him?

His eyes scanned the room, trying to figure out where he was. Turning to his right, Harry jumped back when he caught sight of Lord Voldemort in the mirror. He whipped around, pressing his hands against the robes to try to find his wand. He did, pulling the thin wand from his pocket and pointing it at… nothing. Harry's breaths came out in harsh huffs, his eyes dropping down to the wand in his hand. It wasn't his wand. It was a lighter wood with an intricately carved handle. The wand looked familiar.

Harry couldn't help the curve of his lips as he stared at the wand, marveling at the destruction that could be done with a simple flick of his wrist. Harry swallowed, tearing his gaze away from the mesmerizing wand. What was wrong with him?

Harry stumbled backward until his back pressed against the wall. He looked down at the long fingers and yellow nails that were definitely not his. The complexation was too pallid, too waxy, too unnatural. Harry struggled to breathe as his wide eyes looked around the room once more, wondering what had happened.

Harry, what are you doing?

Harry's heart skipped a beat at the familiar voice inside his head. Turning slowly to his right, Harry looked into the mirror again to see Voldemort. He took a step forward, his head cocking to the side. Voldemort had bright green eyes. Harry's eyes. All of the air left Harry's lungs.

Harry? Voldemort's cold voice echoed in his mind. What have you done?

New chapter is up! Sorry for the late update. I couldn't get the chapter to upload yesterday. Even today, it was giving me difficulties. I post over on AO3 as well and, honestly, I'm considering to just ditch this site. It hasn't been working well at all lately and it's very frustrating to deal with. Don't forget to drop a review! They motivate me to keep on writing! Lately, I've been amazingly busy and just in a funk with my writing. So the motivating is definitely needed more now than ever.

Special thanks to prewettpotter for being fabulous as always. Special thanks to justalittleconfusing for her scene suggestions. She's fabulous as well!