The Hobbit and Lord of the Rings belongs to JRR Tolkien and the movies belong to Peter Jackson. I'm just a devoted fan.

As always, thanks for the alerts, favorites and reviews. I know people are touchy about OC fanfictions in the LOTR/Hobbit fandom but hopefully Relly's done alright by you all. Also, I'm going to start putting little quotes at the beginning of chapters just to give a hint of what the chapter's about!

This is a good hearty chapter :D

Edited 2/20/13.

A Winding Road

Memory is the diary that we all carry about with us.
- Oscar Wilde

At the very end of a winding road far past Bag End and most of the other Hobbit-holes, there was a fork in the path and the left cobblestone road lead to a small abandoned hill-house. Relly allowed her feet to walk her to Crillynook Corner, the name of the cul-de-sac her old hobbit hole was located on. Relly felt like she was walking backwards into a dream with old memories filtering in her head. Relly had many Hobbits stare at her in a peculiar nature but the glances never lingered for too long; perhaps nobody recognized her. She much preferred it that way. Weeds were growing from the yard and an old half-decomposed wooden bench greeted Relly at the small painted gate with its small flecks of paint chips littering the front yard.

Crillynook Corner looked abandoned. Relly shook her head. No, it was abandoned and no one had bothered to keep up with it. She jumped over the fence, her nimble feet launching her into the front yard. Relly approached the round red door, staring at a faded out stencil painting of the family name 'Crillynook'. Relly gripped the doorknob but it stuck. Rolling her eyes, she took out a small pin and began to pick at the lock.

She was a thief, after all. Womens cosmetics were the best kind of lock picking tools ever created. She had another pin in the crooks of her teeth in case the one she was using failed her. Finally, the door was unlocked and Relly was welcomed with a sudden rush of dust entering her nose.

"Ah-choo!" Her bare feet made contact with the wooden floor of the hobbit hole. The loud creaking under her footsteps echoed into the foyer. Relly shut the door behind her and looked at all the disheveled papers, furniture and old wall hangings.

"This was the living room...the kitchen...and the study..." Relly muttered softly under her breath. She entered each room and corridor of her old home, imaging how much brighter her childhood was then. Finally, she opened the door to her mother's bedroom. The only furniture left in the ransacked room was a vanity and a bed frame. Dust and dirt piled up in the corners and some papers scattered around. Hardly anything left.

She felt a twinge of guilt. Sure Relly stole for a living and for the thrill but it irked her that other Hobbits may have gone through her mother's belongings after she died and when Relly left. An empty dresser stood watch over the bare bed and an empty closet. There was a dainty wooden vanity made from the finest cherry oak and inscribed on the frame of the mirror was Hecaterina Crillynook in a flowery cursive. Her Grandpap had made that for her mother when she was a young Hobbit lass. And now both of them were gone.

Relly sat on the empty bed, taking off her cloak so she could see herself in the vanity mirror and thought about how beautiful her mother had been. Her mother had had bright, curly blonde hair, big blue eyes and pleasantly plump. Obviously, Relly didn't inherit anything from her mother. Relly took after her father due to her dark black hair, hazel eyes and being flat like a carpenter's board. She was 40 odd years old, nearing the Hobbit middle age and she still never "blossomed". She tugged at her ears, not quite like Bilbo's or the other Hobbits but one could tell she definitely had Hobbit blood in her. Her heritage was a never ending source of disappointment and discontent. For sakes, she had never even met her own father!

Crillynook Corner was depressing and despite the fact that Relly was a little happier for visiting her old home, she was also starting to regret coming here. She left because her mother died and from what she remembered, most Hobbits do not like change. When Hecaterina Crillynook arrived back in Hobbiton, she was pregnant and rumors swirled around that she had eloped with a human man only for him to die at a terribly young age. The rumors were right though.

Running her fingers through her floppy but short hair, Relly knew she would have to come to terms with her identity at some point. Just not right now.

"You're trespassing!" a loud voice shouted from outside, Relly quickly pressed herself against the wall and tried to slowly inch her way out of the house, only to be faced with a very plump, very bossy Hobbit woman with her hands on her hips. "Fifth time this week I've had to shoo off vanda...oh."

Relly mentally cursed herself for leaving her cloak inside the Hobbit-hole, wishing she had it to conceal herself. The Hobbit woman glared at her and she approached the thief. "I can't believe my eyes! The prodigal Crillynook returning home after twenty years! Rellanora, isn't it?"

Out all the Hobbits to recognize her, it had to be her.

Groaning at the mention of her full first name, which was a god-awful feminine name and too long for Relly's taste, the half-Hobbit folded her arms across her chest. "Yes, it's me. Relly. I'm back for a short while, I guess," Relly responded half-heartedly. She wished Gandalf were here to rescue her again but he had other things to do. Looks like she was stuck in this one.

Lobelia Sackville-Baggins raised a brow at her and then peered at Crillynook Corner behind the thief. "What brings you back? The vagabond life not working out for you? To be honest, we all thought you were dead or missing years ago."

"Sorry to disappoint," Relly snapped, her curt tone getting through to the nosy Sackville-Baggins woman. Relly then went back inside the house to grab her beloved cloak and was prepared to leave Crillynook Corner until she was rudely interrupted once more by Lobelia.

"There isn't much left for you here, you know. Most of your mother's pieces went...ahem, up for auction."

She knew what Lobelia meant by auction. Even though she was a burglar, something pained her knowing the Hobbits, probably Lobelia and her family, just took what they wanted and left the rest for scrap. Relly allowed the irritation to subside. She raised the hood over her head and side-skirted by Lobelia, ignoring whatever words came out the female Hobbit's mouth.

Night fell and Gandalf still hadn't shown up to find Relly. The thief had run out of places to walk around and she wasn't exactly too happy with the residents remembering Hecaterina Crillynook's daughter. Most Hobbits were distantly polite to her or flat out ignored her. It was fine, she was used to it. A little bit anyway.

Her bare feet touching every pebble on the path, Relly decided to make her way back to Bag End and noticed a faint blue light emanating from the front door of Bilbo Baggins' home. Much too curious for her own good, Relly jumped the fence and tiptoed her way to the front door, observing the strange symbol on the carved wood. It kind of looked like an 'F'. She guessed it must have been the work of Gandalf because it looked magical and she gently traced the symbol with her index finger.

A gruff pant interrupted her nosying around, surprising the thief. Relly spun on her heel and was face to face with a large dwarf with tattoos on his bald head. He looked serious and the usually calm Relly nearly leapt out of her pants. She clung to the wooden door, her eyes wide like dinner plates and her nails digging into the grain of the door.

The dwarf raised a furry eyebrow at her and must have made the connection there and then. "Were you alerted by the symbol as well, lass?" The dwarf was surprisingly well spoken, his rumbling voice slowly making Relly less and less worried and she let go of the door. "Dwalin, at your service."

This is what Gandalf meant? A dwarf? Maybe even more dwarves? Relly had never actually seen a dwarf so up close. She heard they sometimes went through towns but that was more to the east, even farther than Bree. She believed they lived under mountains, mining for precious stones and gems. Then again, it had been a while since she heard any tales about the other races of Middle Earth.

"Gandalf invited me to come along. I could have picked the lock if I wanted to," she tried to impress the dwarf with her skills but Dwalin merely looked down at her. "I'm Relly."

He acknowledged her introduction and he rang the doorbell. Relly could hear a fork clatter against a plate and moments later, Bilbo in his evening robe opened the door. She had to suppress a laugh to see him in an evening shirt and in a patchy robe. He was literally the image of a wealthy, well to do bachelor. Or just a bum. Probably both. Bilbo stared at Relly and Dwalin and it was very obvious the two of them interrupted his dinner and upon realizing his evening shirt was showing, especially in front of Relly, he tied his robe hastily to look a bit more presentable.

"Oh no, not you again. And, who are you?" he asked Dwalin, not sure how to react to such a burly, bearded dwarf on his front step. Smirking, her mischievous nature enabled her to slide past Bilbo and Dwalin. She took her first steps in Bag End, immediately feeling like she was another plane of living.

"Dwalin, at your service," Dwalin stood over Bilbo. Bilbo meekly accepted the greeting, introducing himself as well.

Meanwhile, Relly was smelling all the yummy food Bilbo had cooked for himself. Looking over her shoulder to make sure she was unseen, she then crept towards the dining table. The dinner smelled incredibly good and it reminded Relly of the home cooked meals her mother made for her a long time ago. Smoked fish, warm bread, flavorful potatoes...

"Lad, where's the meal? Is it down here, or there?" Dwalin asked Bilbo until the dwarf came across Relly once more, with some potatoes already in her mouth and learned where the food was. With Gandalf not around, Relly felt a bit more free to snag some food. This did not please Bilbo in the slightest.

"How did you- why are you- what do you think you're doing?" Bilbo approached her with a flustered, angry expression but Relly shrugged and swallowed the potatoes, her stomach now full of warm potato goodness. "That was supposed to be-,"

"My supper," Dwalin interrupted as he sat down at Bilbo's seat and began to dig into dinner. The black haired half-Hobbit internally sighed seeing Dwalin eat the fish, a helpless Bilbo sitting on the corner watching his dinner being gulped down by a hungry dwarf. Bilbo and Relly lost that one.

The doorbell rang again and Bilbo once again ran to the door to meet once again, another dwarf. Relly leaned against one of the columns that framed the dining room. She watched Dwalin eat more of Bilbo's food. She was hungry, yes, but did she really want to interrupt a dwarf's meal? The answer was no, no no no. Her hazel eyes landed on a new dwarf, an old dwarf who said his name was Balin. Maybe he was related to Dwalin?

And she found out two seconds later, the two were in fact brothers. Just how many of this company were there? Relly rubbed the back of her neck and then pulled back her hood, her wavy black hair hitting her neck. She caught Bilbo looking at her as she walked up to the reluctant host of the party.

"Having fun?" she was just baiting him at this point.

Bilbo blankly stared at her, and she could see the eyelid twitching. "I have two dwarves eating all the food in my kitchen, do you really think I am having fun? My night alone is ruined and I know Gandalf is behind this."

Relly shrugged, resting her arms across her chest. "Could be worse. You could have a thief and two dwarves eating your food. Oh, wait," she licked her lips to taste the remaining flavor of potato. "You already got that."

Bilbo did not appreciate that comment. He opened his mouth to speak but was distracted by Dwalin and Balin. She then turned to look at the two dwarf brothers bonk heads, suddenly glad she didn't have to do that to greet others. Relly shifted her weight to her other leg and she uncrossed her arms and stuck her hands back into her cloak pockets, watching Bilbo leave her to confront Dwalin and Balin. It was kind of cute really, how he was still polite to them and actually expected them to listen.

"It's not that I don't like visitors, I'm quite friendly really, but I'd like to know ahead of time when I do receive company," Bilbo explained to two dwarves who weren't really listening to him, "and I'd like to already know them before they come visiting."

"Quite friendly says the Hobbit who dismisses us and tells us good morning. Manners, Bilbo," Relly snarked, her mouth slightly curved at the comment, waiting for Bilbo to respond. "Balin, may you toss me a pear from over there, please?" she sweetly asked, going against her fiber to just snatch one.

Balin perked up when he heard his name being called. He found a pear in the pantry as his brother scoured the small room. His hands finding a pear, Balin tossed the fruit to her. "What a polite, sweet lass."

Once again, the doorbell rang and this time Relly decided to open the door, only to be greeted by semi-attractive dwarves. They did not look anything like Balin or Dwalin in the slightest.

"Fili!" "Kili!" "At your service, miss!" the brothers bowed their heads, both of them genuinely smiling at Relly.

"It's just Relly," she half-smiled, still not really used to being called 'miss' or 'lady'. Bilbo noticed this and pushed Relly out of the way, the half-Hobbit frowning at being so rudely interrupted.

"You must be Mr. Boggins!" Kili grinned, pronouncing his name wrong but he looked so darn adorable and earnest that even Bilbo did not correct him.

"You can't come in, you've come to the wrong house!" Bilbo attempted to close the door on them but Relly snatched the doorknob and swung it back open. Relly heard the disappointment in Kili's voice about showing up to the wrong house and the party being cancelled.

"Manners, Mr. Boggins," she snorted, "even the dwarves behave better than you do. Nothing's been cancelled," she reassured Kili just to spite Bilbo as the worried dwarf lit up again. Bilbo relented, allowing Kili and Fili access to his home. Fili bowed to Relly and thanked her for the kindness.

"My house smells like dirt- hey, don't wipe your boots on that! That is my mother's jewelry box!" he chased after Kili who was removing mud from his shoes on some old trunk. Fili handed Bilbo his swords and knives as Relly finally gave in and started to laugh loudly, her cheerful laugh echoing in the hobbit-hole. It was hilarious really, watching Bilbo deal with all the dwarves in his home.

"Ah, so you might you be?" Balin asked, noticing the similarities between her and Bilbo.

Before Relly could repeat her name again, she heard Bilbo yell "Nobody's home!" and the doorbell rang multiple times, like someone was tugging on the bell or something. Moments later, a pile of dwarves were all writhing on the floor and she giggled at the scene. Relly brushed off Bilbo's yelling as she nudged her way to the pantry, seeing a fat dwarf make off with three blocks of cheese. Relly snagged a plate with some chicken legs and crackers, popping a cracker in her mouth. It wasn't until Gandalf tapped her on the shoulder that she was aware of his presence.

"Oh, hello Gandalf," she looked up at the grey wizard. "I looked for you but it got dark so I met Dwalin over here," she pointed to Dwalin, "and we went into Bilbo's house."

Gandalf nodded, pleased that Relly was here. The dwarves around them startling shuttling in huge dishes of food from Bilbo's pantry, the Hobbit himself trying to navigate through the craziness. Relly learned most of the names of the dwarves in passing: Bombur was fat, Nori's hair was in the shape of a star, Bofur had an interesting hat, Ori was probably the most adorable little dwarf and Bifur had an axe stuck in his head. That last one Relly couldn't begin to comprehend how that even happened.

Meanwhile, Bilbo was struggling with trying to retain order in Bag End, each passing dwarf doing something offensive or shocking that would cause him to reprimand them. Of course, the dwarves didn't really care nor were they paying attention to the gripes of the Hobbit. Relly couldn't help but see just how lost he looked among a crowd of rowdy dwarves. For a split second, she almost felt bad for him.

"Miss Relly, would you like a cup of chamomile tea? Just brewed it," Dori, the older brother of young dwarf Ori, asked Relly if she wanted a drink after Gandalf turned him down and never being one to refuse something free, Relly happily took the hot cup of tea from Dori. She sipped from the fancy cup and for once, she felt like she belonged to something.

Perhaps being the only female in a small square area of loud, obnoxious dwarves wasn't the best idea. Food was being tossed into the air and Bombur was even able to catch the flying food in his mouth. Bofur continued to toss bread, peppers and small pieces of meat towards him, finding it an amusing game. Plates were being shuffled around and the dwarves were just being loud in general. Relly was beginning to like them but even then they were more raucous than she expected. She turned around and saw Bilbo trying to edge his way into the dining room, the poor Hobbit not being able to find a spot.

Fili began to walk on top of the table and handed everyone drinks, graciously extending his arm so Relly could reach. He winked at her as Relly held the large mug, not sure whether to drink it or stare at it. Relly hardly drank mead or alcohol or anything but maybe she deserved a bit of a break. For a few seconds, the table was silent as the men chugged down their drinks. Relly drank a small amount but it didn't taste as good as the tea. Maybe she was just more refined, despite living as a wayward vagabond for most of her life.

And then, the burping began. Gloin burped then Kili and soon enough, there was a chorus of burps, one after the other and all around the table. It was kind of funny but still gross. That is, until Relly felt a swell of air rise up in her throat.

"Urp!" she burped loudly, enough to grab the attention of some of the dwarves.

"Who knew the lass had it in her!" Bofur clapped but the victory was short lived. Ori belted out the longest, deepest burp she had ever heard in her life and everyone gave a rousing cheer of applause.

One did not have to imagine the disgust and embarrassment that Bilbo Baggins must have experienced.

Hah, well, I'm ending the chapter here. Next chapter: singing. Lots of singing. Maybe burping too. And Bilbo, as always.