The Hobbit and Lord of the Rings belongs to JRR Tolkien and the movies belong to Peter Jackson. I'm just a devoted fan.

Every time I get a notification of another review or alert, it makes my writer heart swell. Thanks for being such cool peeps and checking out this story.

This is the longest chapter yet for this fic. Let's see, Relly makes friends with Ori (my favorite dwarf besides Thorin and Bofur, hahaha), Relly stealing stuff, Bilbo and Relly interaction and more. Also, since this chapter introduces Thorin, I thought a classic quote from Thorin himself should set up the chapter :)

Out of House and Home

If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world.
- Thorin Oakenshield (J. R. R. Tolkien)

Well, Gandalf was certainly right that Relly would have more than her fill of food and comfort and the adventure hadn't even started yet. As Relly finished off the jelly on her biscuit, her stomach no longer felt perpetually empty and hungry. True, she and the dwarves were eating Bilbo Baggins out of house and home and generally causing a crazy mess but Relly enjoyed it. Even though many of the dwarves were yelling (namely Bombur, Bofur, Dwalin and Nori), she had managed to talk to some of the quieter ones.

"Are you a Hobbit too, miss?" Ori asked her, his voice a little more quieter than the others. "You're a bit thinner than Mr. Baggins and your ears are a bit, um, stunted."

Relly cleared her throat, narrowing her hazel eyes at Ori. "Of course I am. What, you think all Hobbits are fat and furry?" She did not want to disclose her heritage anytime soon. It was bad enough the whole of Hobbiton already knew which led to the question of why Bilbo hadn't brought it up. Relly hoped he had forgotten, seeing as he didn't even recognize her this morning. She wasn't even sure if Gandalf knew, or if he did he knew better to not announce it anyone.

"Yes. No. Well, I've never actually seen a Hobbit," he admitted and Relly softened her glare and continued to talk to the dwarf. She had learned Ori liked to draw and write in a small journal he carried around. His brothers sometimes teased about it but for the most part, he was always scribbling something down even while drinking. Relly was already fond of the dwarf, the youngest in the whole company. And it seemed he was fond of her as well.

Sadly, the conversation between the two was cut short as Ori got up from the table and clutched his, leaving Relly behind at the table as she observed Bilbo in the midst of all the dwarves congregating in and around the household. She saw Ori walk up to Bilbo and asked him where to put his plate. Fili snatched it and thus began the great plate tossing event of the night.

"Can you not do that?" Bilbo frantically waved in the middle of chaos and plates banging and being tossed in the air. He held a dirty doily in his hands and looked very flustered indeed. Fili and Kili were throwing plates at each other and piling them neatly in stacks. A rhythmic banging and clanging of sharp knives on the table jerked his attention. "You'll blunt them!"

"Oooh," Bofur faked a gasp as he smirked with amusement. "Hear that lads? He says we'll blunt the knives," he grinned over to Relly.

Relly wasn't expecting musical accompaniment this evening but she got one alright as the dwarves at the table began to stomp their boots and pound the supper table with their knives.

"Blunt the knives, bend the forks." Kili began to sing eagerly, making up the opening lyrics on the spot as his brother Fili added in with, "Smash the bottles and burn the corks!" as he elbowed incoming plates and dishes with his elbows. Soon, all the dwarves came up with words on the spot as it went on with

"Chip the glasses and crack the plates! That's what Bilbo Baggins hates!" Gloin sung loudly as Oin and Dori backed him up.

Relly happily clapped along and even mouthed some of the lyrics as the dwarves began to sing loud and proud, much to the embarrassment of Bilbo. "Cut the cloth and tread the fat! Leave the bones on the bedroom mat!" Now the pots and pans were part of the improv orchestra, clashing in time with the tune as Relly joined in as she tossed her plate down the assembly line. Poor Ori was carrying a forever growing stack of plates in his hands, carefully treading past the merriment to put them in the kitchen.

"Pour the milk on the pantry floor! Splash the wine on every door!" More plates were tossed, Bombur eating the leftovers off every plate as he took a slice of cheese here or a morsel of chicken meat left on a leg.

Relly decided she would try to sing along even though she wasn't musically inclined nor a great singer. "Dump the crocks in a boiling bowl! Pound them up with a thumping pole!" she joined in with Bofur and stomped her foot to keep in time with the dwarves as she sung along. "And when you've finished, if any are whole- Send them down the hall to roll!"

She saw Bilbo look directly at her, not particularly happy that she was part of the whirlpool of singing, throwing things and as he just saw, Relly sliding a nice silver fork down her cloak pocket. Well, she couldn't just walk into a nice house and not take a memento, now could she?

The song ended with "That's what Bilbo Baggins hates!" and many cheers and laughs were had afterwards. Bofur enjoyed her singing and Bombur asked if she was finished with her drink as she slid her mug down the table so he could finish it off. Bilbo was finally able to enter the tiny room, Gandalf presenting the Hobbit with a nicely stacked pile of plates. Singing really did make the chores go by faster, perhaps he would at least appreciate that gesture.

The laughter died when a loud, pronounced knock vibrated through the hobbit-hole. Relly was not sure who it could be, considering they already have twelve dwarves, a wizard and two Hobbits in the house. Maybe a late party guest? She looked around the table, eyeing her new friends and trying to see if their facial expressions gave away who the visitor could be. It must be a serious guest because Gandalf only stated "He's here," and left the table to greet the mysterious person at the door.

Who? Relly thought as her question was about to be answered. She peeked around the corner to find it was a dwarf, but not like the ones she had supped with. He looked very serious, with thick black hair and a solemn but mannered expression etched on his face as the dwarf entered the hobbit-hole.

"I lost my way twice," he explained as he entered the foyer, his fellow dwarves all leaving the dinner table to meet their leader. Relly knitted her brows out of intrigue, for one minute the dwarves were quite merry and happy and moments later, they were respectful. "I would not have found this place at all if it weren't for that mark on the door," he spoke as he took off his heavy cloak. Relly admired the cloak and suddenly wished hers wasn't in such tatters.

"Mark? There's no...mark on my door!" Bilbo entered the foyer with the rest of the company as he denied the existence of any "mark". Relly rolled her eyes, because it was plainly obvious there was one.

"Bilbo Baggins, may I introduce you to the leader of our company, Thorin Oakenshield." Gandalf noticed Relly hanging back as he motioned to her to come to front, wanting her to meet Thorin as well.

Thorin studied Bilbo for a few minutes as his ears shifted to the sound of Relly approaching him as well as he eyed both of them. The male Hobbit he had heard about, but this female? Gandalf had never mentioned it to him as Thorin threw a glance at Gandalf, the wizard shrugging. Relly knew she was a last minute addition, choosing to accompany the wizard on a whim so she wouldn't get in trouble back in Rivertown. And judging by the questions Thorin asked to Bilbo, he was rather serious about the members on this adventure.

Which, by the way, Relly still had no idea what they were all doing. Probably should have asked before.

"And the female?" Thorin broke off his line of weapons questioning with Bilbo as he looked to Relly and then to the wizard himself. "Gandalf, I was not aware of another member of the company."

Gandalf smiled as he patted Relly on the head, the half-Hobbit not expecting the touch as she awkwardly smiled towards Thorin, not sure how to look in front of him. True, she was a girl but her gender shouldn't matter, right? She was getting along so well with the other dwarves and felt like a real part of something. "Ah Thorin, she'll be a good addition. She is light on her feet and just what you need: a burglar. Which brings me to Mr. Baggins," he turned to Bilbo, who was not expecting to be dragged into the conversation. "He is a burglar as well, unnoticeable and quick just like dear Relly here."

Relly smiled while Bilbo, well...Bilbo wasn't too happy with the title of 'burglar'. Thorin raised a brow as he muttered loudly, "He looks more like a grocer than a burglar. I wager he could not even harm a toad."

Bilbo frowned. "For what ever reason would I harm a toad?" Relly shook her head; Bilbo was missing the point.

"And your name?" Thorin turned to the female half-Hobbit, studying her as well. Relly pulled the hood of her cloak to her shoulders and was prepared to lift it over her head but decided against it.

"Relly Crillynook," she simply stated, biting the inside of her cheek from habit as Thorin now seemed satisfied with her name as he asked her about any weapons she carried.

"And your weapon of choice?"

Relly reached into her cloak pocket and touched the silver fork she pilfered earlier, before her hand moved to a small, clean dagger as she presented the dagger to him. "Just a dagger. A small girl like me doesn't need an axe, you know," and her response caused a flicker of a smile on Thorin's face.

Thorin was eating a small bowl of soup as his fellow dwarves all crowded around their king, asking him many questions about his journey to Hobbiton and what he discussed at a meeting. Relly wasn't quite following the conversation but leaned against the curve of the entryway to stick around and listen. This Thorin Oakenshield seemed serious and yet such an inspiration to the dwarves. Not to mention, a little handsome too.

Pfft, Relly waved that thought away as she huffed, realizing how strange it would be for a Hobbit and a dwarf to be together. Then again, my mother and father are an exception to that, and a frown crossed her face. She never knew her father. He had died in a tavern brawl not too long after their elopement, causing her mother to return to Hobbiton as a single mother. Relly hadn't faced much prejudice when she was young but many of the other Hobbit women would gossip and whisper behind her mother's back about her promiscuity.

"Relly?" Ori's voice popped Relly's memory bubble as she blinked, wetting her mouth with spit as she prepared to talk to him. From the looks of it, he probably wanted Relly to listen to Thorin and what he was telling the others. She tuned in right when Thorin was about to end his story.

"They say this quest is ours, and ours alone," Thorin explained, causing the guests at the dinner table to grow silent. From what she gathered, perhaps Thorin had expected more to their cause. Relly mentally kicked herself, still not asking what exactly she was invited to do. Bilbo was about to ask what was on her mind.

"You're...going on a quest?" he asked but nobody quite answered yet. Gandalf asked him to turn on more lights and as Relly looked over the wizard's shoulder, she saw him take out an old map by candlelight.

"Yes. Beyond ranges and rivers, beyond woodlands and towns and wastelands...there lies the Lonely Mountain. Come closer, Relly," he added softly to the thief as she nudged her way to stand next to Gandalf, much to the annoyance of Bilbo (now curious about the map as well).

Bilbo said the name of the mountain out loud, earning a quiet snicker from Relly who desperately wished she could say 'Good, you can read' but figured this was a more serious moment and that her snarks would be better off not said. The older dwarves talked of the omens and signs that surrounded this event and claimed this was the opportune time to reclaim the mountain. The wheels in Relly's head slowly turned as she tried to piece together what exactly this quest was about.

"You want to take back the mountain, isn't it?" Relly interrupted, the dwarves looking at her and Balin nodded his head, glad that she understood the importance of recovering their home.

"And... the beast?" Bilbo snuck his way back into the conversation again, asking the very question Relly was about to ask.

"The beast is a dragon," Bofur confirmed the nature of the beast as Relly's eyes nearly popped out of her sockets. "Smaug the Terrible. The greatest calamity of our age," Bofur puffed on his pipe as he answered Relly and Bilbo's question. "Aye lass, dragons do exist, although you've never seen it."

Dragons. A dragon. Relly clutched the side of her head, hardly believing the words she was hearing right now. She honestly thought they were all gone or dead or just not real. And now thirteen dwarves confirmed the existence of one, one so horrible and evil. It didn't help that Bofur was listing all the qualities of Smaug.

"Extremely fond of precious gems and metals, claws like meathooks- trust me lass you don't want to be caught in those-," he raised his eyebrows at the surprised Relly, eyes like blazing pits of light-,"

"Yes, we all get what a dragon is," Bilbo dismissed Bofur's talk before his stomach heaved anymore. Ori looked over to Relly, seeing how concerned she was at the mention of dragons as he bolted out of his seat wanting to impress the half-Hobbit lass.

"I'm not afraid of the dragon!" he exclaimed. "I'll give 'im a taste of our dwarfish iron right up his-," but he was dragged back down to his seat with the cheers and yells of the other manly dwarves. Seeing Ori declare such a statement pushed a small grin on Relly's face, her anxiety subsiding as she rejoined the table, standing next to Gandalf.

"We only number thirteen of the best," Balin spoke, his voice ending any side conversations as everyone listened to the oldest dwarf. Relly could tell he was well-respected just as much as Thorin was. Maybe even a bit more. "Nor the brightest."

Relly pursed her lips as Fili decided to put in his two cents. "We may not be an army but we are fighters, all of us! To the last dwarf!" as he raised his mug high.

"Don't forget, we have a wizard in our company! He's slayed many dragons! We can't possibly lose!" Kili claimed, to which the dwarves excitedly cheered although Gandalf wasn't exactly too happy with Kili's words.

Relly chortled as Gandalf denied any of the rumours, although she still felt uneasy about a dragon skulking around the base of The Lonely Mountain. It was not terribly inviting, now was it? Dori asked how many dragons Gandalf had killed as the grey wizard stuttered on his words. Seems like even the great Gandalf couldn't get a word in edgewise with these hopeful dwarves. Relly exited the room, the raucous noise of dwarves clamoring to hear the amount of dead dragons a bit too much for her. Moments later, she heard Thorin shout and it ended the talking.

"If we have read these signs do you not think others have too?" Thorin rhetorically asked everyone in the room, the forced silence serving as a collective answer. "There are rumors that the dragon Smaug has not been seen for sixty years. Eyes look east to the mountain, wandering, looking...for the wealth of our people are tempting others to claim what is rightfully ours!" and he slammed his fist onto the dinner table, causing Bilbo to wince at the sound. "We cannot wait any longer! We must take back Erebor!"

Relly watched them all roused with fire for adventure, to claim their old home and the treasure...her heart stopped. Did he say wealth? Relly's eyes widened once more to the image of gold, all the buried treasure underneath the mountain and how even a simple gold piece could bring her some material comfort. If she went along with Thorin, Gandalf and the others, she would certainly get her portion of wealth for helping, right?

Relly grinned. Dragon or not, she wanted some treasure and stealing from the dragon's nest would prove to be an excellent heist. Her moment faded as Balin, the most pessimistic dwarf, informed Thorin that the doorway was sealed. Relly's grin curved upside down, annoyed that there was once again another obstacle.

"My dear Balin, that is not entirely true," Gandalf dismissed Balin's warning as a key magically appeared in the wizard's hand. Everyone looked in awe at the strange key and even Relly felt a strong urge to snatch it out from his hand. "It was for safekeeping, Thorin, that I held onto this key. It is yours now," as he handed it to Thorin.

"If there is a key, there must be a door," Fili stated the obvious as Relly restrained herself from laughing. She was quite sure they had just discussed the door at the base of the mountain. Gandalf only looked at Fili like he missed the point as the wizard pointed to strange lettering in the margins of the map. Relly peeked over and saw a hand symbol pointing to what appeared to be directions of some sort. Obviously she had no background in strange words but the language intrigued her, and it intrigued Bilbo too because she saw him look at the lettering next to her.

"There is a hidden passage into Erebor," Gandalf used the end of his pipe to trace a line into the heart of the mountain. "If we can find this doorway, we can get in."

Minutes passed and Thorin finally set his eyes on both Bilbo and Relly, the new recruits to the company. So far Relly believed she was in better favor than Bilbo due to her actual status as a thief. She exchanged looks with him as she kept a determined expression on her face.

"Contracts, please!" and Balin handed Thorin only one contract as the dwarf king then handed Relly and Bilbo a rolled up parchment to share and look over. Relly unwrapped hers quickly and skimmed the lettering as she looked over at Bilbo who was muttering every word.

"Oh, by the way Miss Relly," Balin called to her, "the contract still states a fourteenth of the share. Since I wasn't aware of another member 'til this evening, I suppose you and Mr. Baggins will split your lot when the journey's through."

Relly's jaw nearly dropped from her mouth. Sharing her wealth with already wealthy Bilbo? She uttered a groan as she glowered at Bilbo. He didn't get why she looked so mad at him. It was bad enough she had to sign her name on the same contract as Bilbo, but split her wealth? It was truly aggravating.

"Can't I just come? Bilbo here has been reluctant of you all from the start," she accused, earning another sour expression from Bilbo. "I...I know what it's like to be shooed away from every place, to not have a place to call home. Today was my return to Hobbiton after twenty years!" she tried to make her case. "Do I really need to sign this contract?"

Thorin left his seat as he approached the thief, exhaling a long breath as his eyes stared deep down into hers. "I cannot guarantee your safety nor return, Miss Relly. I am already anxious enough letting a woman join our company and although Gandalf has informed me of your indomitable will and nimble feet, it would suit us best if you signed the contract and agree to sharing with Mr. Baggins for any treasure earned. Both of you have to sign the contract or else neither of you can go."

Relly slumped her shoulders. He didn't need any treasure, the man was already sitting pretty in Bag End! The half-Hobbit drew a deep sigh as shelooked around the home for a quill. After some light 'searching', she snagged one from Bilbo's study and ran back to where he was standing as she crouched down on the floor and grabbed the end of the paper with the 'x_' line.

"W-what are you doing down there? Can't you wait a minute, or better, actually read the fine print?" he lowered his head down to the ground, the girl uncomfortably close to his legs.

"I make you nervous or something?" she winked up at him as she handed Bilbo the quill and happily returned to the table. She was not aware that moments later, Bilbo fainted after learning what evisceration, laceration and incineration were.

"He's not dead, is he?" Kili poked Bilbo, looking a bit sad as the close-eyed Bilbo rested in a comfy chair. "The journey hadn't even started yet."

"Sadly, no. If he were, then his share would be all mine," Relly feigned a glum tone of voice as she watched Gandalf tend to the passed out Hobbit. To be honest, she did feel a little sorry for him. Learning that having the flesh seared off your bones wasn't exactly easy to absorb. The worst dangers Relly had faced were angry drunk men, angry townspeople and the possibility of legal punishment. Nothing like imminent death to really throw you for a loop.

"Can you fetch a cup of warm tea, Kili? I suspect Bilbo will be up any minute now," as Gandalf predicted when Bilbo would snap out of his little faint spell. Dori nodded as Relly sat cross-legged on the floor near Bilbo's chair. Gandalf chuckled at how close she was sitting, earning a strange look from her as he stood up and waited for Bilbo to stir. About five minutes later, the Hobbit awoke as he looked around his living room to find a warm cup of tea in his hands, Gandalf and Relly surrounding him.

"I...just need to sit for a few minutes," he repeated a couple of times, his consciousness coming to. Gandalf wasn't too pleased with what he said as Relly continued to sit on the floor.

"You have been sitting far too long. Tell me, when did doileys become so important to you? More important than friends, seeing the world? I remember a young Hobbit who would beg me to tell stories of my latest travels...he'd stay out late searching for holes and other nooks and crannys to find something interesting and new."

Bilbo stared at his feet in silence, as if he were trying to force those youthful memories away. Relly ran her fingers through her hair, remembering a time back in Hobbiton where she used to crawl into odd spaces and hide from the other children. She would have loved to go on an adventure with dwarves and a wizard. Perhaps that was why she was so eager to accept his invitation. A chance for wealth, discovery and finding her place among others. She listened to Gandalf's speech about how the world was beyond his books and out his front door.

Like Mr. Fancy would ever want give this up, Relly concluded as she stood up from the floor and found the contract lying on the end table. She saw her scrawled out signature on the line, waiting for Bilbo Baggins to sign his. If he didn't, then Relly couldn't go. If she turned in the contract, then Bilbo wouldn't be able to go if he had a change of heart. And for some reason, she had this slim chance of hope that maybe Bilbo would change his mind.

"I can't just go running off into the blue. I am a Baggins of Bag End," he made his case, much to Relly's irritation. And she was a Crillynook, but what point was that? Her house was abandoned and sacked within an inch of its foundation. She had nothing but the cloak and clothes on her back, her dagger and this stolen fork.

"You'll have a tale or two to tell when you come back," Gandalf enticed Bilbo with the promise of having some larger than life stories attached to his name. Gandalf also meant Relly when he said this, wanting to inspire her as well. Not that she needed any convincing.

"And...can you promise that I will come back?" Bilbo asked.

Gandalf hesitated for a moment before answering, "No. And if you do, neither of you will be the same afterwards."

Relly looked at Bilbo, wanting him to come along as her eyes met his. He broke off the stare as his eyes travelled down to the floor again. Sure he was a wealthy bum and not very fun, but Gandalf seemed to have some hope for him. Even though she was the real thief, perhaps some of her talents could rub off on him. Plus, if he didn't go, she couldn't go. So he better make the obvious choice and sign the damn paper so she could come along for real.

"I thought so," Bilbo muttered and then the Hobbit drew in his breath and shook his head. "I can't. I'm sorry but I'm not going," and then he turned towards Relly. "You already have your Hobbit."

"What?!" Relly shouted at him, even though she had been expecting this answer since she walked into the door. "If you don't go, I can't go!"

"That is not my problem. At least I have considered the outcomes of the journey. I have a home and assets to think of and a lifestyle-," he was interrupted by Relly as she let out a loud 'UGH' and stormed off.

Gandalf did not like seeing the conflict between Bilbo and Relly as he excused himself, disappointed that the young Hobbit he once knew had become a bachelor shut in with no dreams of leaving.

"Looks like we just lost our two burglars," Balin stated as he saw the young female thief go into another room of the house. "Perhaps it's for the better. The odds were always against us I suppose. What are we but old warriors, tinkerers, merchants..."

Thorin remained quiet for a few seconds longer. "I will take every single one of these dwarves and turn them into an army. For when I called upon them, they answered. For all I require is loyalty, honor and a willing heart. I can ask no more than that."

Bilbo was fast asleep, curled up on a bench in the living room as he tried to sleep away the strange evening he just had. All the singing, banging, clanging, yelling, snorting and slurping finally at an end. Meanwhile, Relly Crillynook stood in the darkness, not sure of what to do next. She wasn't being creepy, rather, she wanted to watch him wake up and realize he was sorely missing out. Most of all, he was holding her back from going on this adventure.

A grin crossed her face, an idea forming in her head. She tiptoed into Bilbo's bedroom and began to pull shirts from his dresser drawer. She had no qualms about stealing men's clothes; that was what she mainly wore anyway. Plus, Relly could certainly use a new change of clothes. She stole a nice green tunic, tan britches and brown suspenders to keep the pants up. Being thin, she cuffed the ends of the pants so it wouldn't look too baggy on her and finally put on her trusty cloak back on.

"Hope you don't mind the clothes swap, Bilbo," Relly winked at the sleeping Bilbo as she found a blanket and wrapped it around her shoulders. She took one last look at Bilbo, blissfully unaware Relly Crillynook had just stolen his clothes, blanket, a burlap sack and probably a few other things too. He would certainly be in for a surprise in the morning.

Morning came, and Relly had spent the night sleeping on the dusty floor of Crillynook Corner. The dirty sunlight filtered in from the windows, waking the thief up. Noticing how sunny and bright it was outside, Relly jumped to her feet as she realized she could probably still catch up with Gandalf, Thorin and the others. Tightly folding the blanket and putting it in a burlap sack, also stolen from Bilbo's house, she nearly burst out the door as she began to swiftly run on her bare feet, hoping to catch a glimpse of thirteen dwarves and a tall wizard in grey.

After what felt like miles, she saw a long train of ponies in the wooded forest as she picked up the pace and yelled, "Hey! Hey! Wait up!"

The dwarves turned their heads, surprised to see one of the Hobbits racing towards them. Ori was especially pleased, since he did not like saying goodbye to his new friend. Relly smiled at Ori as she let down the hood of the cloak so she could see all the company of dwarves.

"To be frank, I like the lass more," Bofur whispered to Bombur. "Told you she'd come along."

"And the contract?" Balin asked Relly, momentarily stopping his pony as the others followed suit.

"Oh? The contract? Yes, ...Bilbo has it. He should be here any minute," she hastily explained to Balin and Thorin.

Relly lied.

Ha ha, I'm ending it right here. Will Bilbo change his mind? Who knows!

I really wanted to add the Misty Mountains song but this chapter is long as is (at 5k words, wowee!). I don't like it when fics solely rely on copy-pasting dialogue from the book/movie so hopefully my additions or omissions make sense.