The Hobbit and Lord of the Rings belongs to JRR Tolkien and the movies belong to Peter Jackson. I'm just a devoted fan.

Sorry about updating a bit later than I usually do; the internet was down for a couple days and then I got sick :'P So, this chapter is actually a Relly AND Bilbo POV chapter. I usually try to keep different POVs separate but oh well, hopefully you all will enjoy it. As soon as I get my new copy of the The Hobbit, I'll start bringing in more of the book-verse into this fic as well (It's been ages since I read it, blaugh)

Special shout out to Forestwater for leaving such an excellent review/con-crit. And as always, thanks to all you lovely, beautiful readers :)

Hero Kisses the Damsel

Everyone is necessarily the hero of his own life story.
- John Barth

There is the old expression of being situated between a rock and a hard place. However, dear Relly was in a hard place with Thorin Oakenshield, which was equally difficult and hard to wriggle out of. Frankly, she'd rather be crushed by boulders than sitting down on a rotten fell log and hesitating to either lie to Thorin or finally come clean. Her identity, her mixed heritage had always troubled her ever since realized she was different from the other wee Hobbit tykes. She usually buried her problems and focused on her external issues like finding a place to sleep for the night or how to pickpocket someone's money pouch without being seen. For a while, it worked.

Thorin wanted thieves not liars. With Bofur or Ori and even the rest of the dwarves she could easily change the subject, but not with him. It was time to give up the game.

"Certainly you...uh, know what it's like to not really belong anywhere. And even when you do, it never really works out," her hazel eyes glanced to Thorin, a frown on her angular face as she looked more human in the forest light than Hobbit. Maybe if she brought him to her level, he would understand why she didn't exactly reveal her blood. Thorin's expression twitched for a split second but maybe it was just her eyes playing tricks.

"It is true then, that you are half Man and half Hobbit," Thorin merely repeated, his suspicions confirmed. However, he did not sound angry much to the relief of Relly.

"Does it make a difference?" Relly shot back, her scratchy voice attracted the attention of some of their dwarf allies. Kili and Fili looked over to the dwarf lord and the thief, wondering what they were discussing by themselves.

Not appreciating her sudden sharp incline in tone, Thorin exhaled quietly and lowered his chin to get a better look at Relly, their second master burglar. "No. It does not. If you had Elven blood, perhaps...but no, I still have my reservations with Gandalf bringing along the both of you. You still have much to prove for yourself, Relly Crillynook."

Relly shook her head as she rested her hand on the curved hilt of her new rapier, shifting her stance so that perhaps he would change his mind once he saw her body language. Thorin still did not seem to hold her in the same esteem as his nephews and fellow dwarves. Relly respected him the most out of any authority figure she had ever met but that did not mean she liked him as a friend in the same way she liked Bofur and Ori.

However, she was about to follow his orders. Relly stiffened up when she heard low snarling sounds around her and Thorin, her fingers gripping her rapier as she slowly turned her head around to the source of the deep growling in the woods.

"What are those?" she ran over to Fili and Kili, wishing she had more time to practice with her new weapon now that they were once again in danger. "Those don't sound like regular wolves."

"Wargs," Kili's voice dropped, his dark eyes shadowed over. Relly jerked her head to see her friend Bofur about to be pounced on by a Warg, only to have an arrow zip by her cheek when Kili shot at another Warg bounding behind her. Talk about friendly fire, she thought, rubbing her cheek to check if the the arrow sliced it. This was a bad time to be standing still, that was for sure.

"This forest isn't safe," Dwalin drew out his battleaxe from the bloodied skull of the Warg he slew. "We have to get out here."

"Warg scouts, this means the Orcs aren't far behind," Thorin stated as Relly drew out her rapier, wanting to immediately prove her worth to the company. Gandalf return from his little conference with the mushroom wizard. Judging by the perturbed expression on his wizened face and how he was directly looking at Thorin, there was about to be some bad news spilled.

"Who did you tell about your quest?" Gandalf directly asked Thorin, his usually twinkling eyes dark with fear. This surprised Relly; she never thought he had the capability to even sound angry. "Thorin, who knew?"

Thorin raised his chin, offended Gandalf would even insinuate that he told anyone else beyond his kin of the journey to reclaim Erebor. "No one. Do not take me for a loose-lipped fool, Gandalf! I would never risk the lives of my men in such a way!"

"We are being hunted by Orcs, Thorin Oakenshield; they must have caught wind of your quest through word of mouth!" he argued back.

We're all in danger and they're just yelling at each other! Relly exclaimed in her mind, annoyed that the two most powerful members in their company were bickering in the midst of being attacked by these Warg-scouts. Relly huffed, shaking her head. She had to do something.

"We need to GO!" Relly erupted at both Gandalf and Thorin, not caring if her voice would be utterly destroyed by the end of the day with all the talking she had done. Gandalf and Thorin both were taken aback by Relly's interference, the dwarf lord not particularly pleased with her barging in. "Let's get the ponies and run!"

"We don't have the ponies! They bolted!" Ori ruined everything as he announced the abandonment of the ponies from up on the hill. We might as well have let the trolls eat them in the first place, she rolled her eyes as she caught the doomed look on Bilbo's face, a pang of guilt striking her. She knew she had not said a word about Bilbo's rescue of her on purpose. Now wasn't the time to think of it though.

What was even more surprising to everyone was what Radagast said. With a mischievous but well-intended smile on his face he suggested, "I'll throw them off."

Relly raised a brow at the brown wizard, wondering what a backwoods earthy healer could do but considering that he was still one of the big five wizards of Middle Earth, she could not argue with his suggestion. Gandalf however, did. Maybe he's just in an angry wizard mood or something, she wondered.

Ultimately, Radagast the Brown's eager desire to help Thorin and company won over Gandalf's dismissal as the mushroom wizard ran off to his little sled pulled by these Russgerbil Rabbits or whatever they were named, since Relly did not quite understand half the things Radagast spoke of. Not needing another second to go, Relly felt like her feet were on fire; running as fast as she could on her nimble, leather-soled feet. She could hear the Wargs howling not too far from them as she caught up with Bofur and Ori.

"Relly!" Ori's eyes lit up for a split second as he whipped his head forward, keeping his eyes on the path where Thorin and the others were leading them.

Relly opened her mouth, ready to talk but no coherent words were formed. She furrowed her brows as she mentally cursed herself for speaking so much when her throat needed to rest. I blame the dwarf lord, she muttered in her head.

The dwarves, Bilbo, Relly and Gandalf finally ran out of the shady forest and into the bright, open and vast clearing. There was a smattering of large boulders in every which way but Relly was worried it was not enough cover for everyone. As Gandalf told everyone to stay quiet, Bombur's face started turning pink from holding in a burp to the best of his ability. Relly did not want to be on the receiving end of that one.

"Look at those rabbits go!" Ori said in wow, Nori elbowing him to not talk lest Radagast's diversion failed. "Sorry..." he muttered.

Relly felt like she had been running for days, not minutes judging by how pained the muscles in her legs were from constantly running and ducking whenever they came too close to the Orcs. She rested her back on the rough side of the boulder for a second, adjusting the strap that tied her rapier to her hip. Fili was right, it was a smidge big for her but nonetheless she was determined to use it.

Ori had travelled to the front of the dwarf pack, determined to outrun the Orcs that when the others had taken cover behind another boulder, he ran straight out into the open. Relly wished she could have yelled at him but luckily the youngest dwarf was yanked back. Moments later, Gandalf sent everyone off again, Relly catching up to Ori so she could try to gesture to him about how close he was to being seen. Now I'm just like Bifur, all I need is the Orc axe in my forehead, as she remembered that Bifur also could not talk.

She thought too soon.

A hideous Orc on his Warg was right above them, Relly holding in her breath as to not stir and make a sound. She had somehow wound up next to Bilbo as the halfling and quarterling exchanged looks, although she was not sure what she had just expressed to Bilbo other than 'oh, you're right there and there's an Orc above us'. No doubt that he was feeling under-appreciated. Her ears perked up as she saw Kili move a ways away from the boulder and drew back his arrow, aiming it at the Orc above them. The Orc's dying yell would attract others, and Relly knew this. She heard the ground thump with the other members of the Orc pack as she drew out her rapier.

"Where'd you get that?" Bilbo was not aware of Relly's new shiny toy as he gripped his sword. She couldn't help but remember calling his sword a toothpick and a small smirk crossed her face.

She shrugged, managing to curve her lip upwards as if to say 'Guess'. There was no more time to talk or gesture as an Orc approached them from the right side of the boulder and was quickly taken down by Dwalin, Thorin, Bifur and Bofur with many hacks and slices, some of the sounds churning Relly's stomach. Ignoring the turning tide in her stomach, Relly placed her rapier back into its sheath as Gandalf hurried them up.

"Lass, don't fall far behind," Gloin warned her as the fatherly dwarf urged her to pick up the pace. Relly nodded, making sure the tip of her rapier's sheath didn't drag on the ground as she breathed in and out, focusing on just finding some safety from these rampant enemies. Much to her dismay, everyone dispersed despite common sense and the whole idea of staying together. Relly stayed close near to Thorin and most of the other dwarves. She saw Ori attempt to place a sharp rock right between the eyes of the Orc coming towards them but to no avail. Seeing the fear in his eyes, Really drew out her rapier and stood next to her companion, assuring Ori she was right there.

"What do you think you're doing?" Thorin yelled out to her but she didn't care to listen at this point. "Stand down!"

Just stab with the pointy end, she told herself despite the small amount of training Fili had been putting her through. The Orc with pointy armor and a horribly disfigured face jeered at her, his Warg smelling the meat on her bones like she were just a dog treat. Oh, she was hardly a threat to him.

"This way, you fools!" Gandalf's words snapped Relly out of her fierce fighting stance for a moment as she turned her head to where Gandalf was poking out behind a mysterious looking rock formation. Thorin commanded his company to follow the grey wizard into the cave as Relly backed away from the Orc and fled for her life, the gaze of the Orc's eyes still burning into her back.

"Miss Relly, hurry!" Fili noticed she was lagging behind, second only to Kili who was still shooting arrows in the field at every Orc warrior he could kill.

Relly grit her teeth together, exerting all the strength in her slight body to run into the cave. The quarterling slid feet first into the dark, bumpy cave, a horn sounding off into the distance and hearing all the voices of her friends mish-mashed together...

She felt something thunk her on the head and it all went black.

"Relly? Relly, wake up!" Ori tugged at the toggle on her cloak, beyond worry for his dear friend and the object of his one-sided affection. Dori gently took him aside to assure his little brother that Relly wasn't dead and just needed to get to some shelter for rest.

"She isn't dead, is she?" Gloin bent down on his knees near Relly's head.

Thorin stood over the unconscious thief of theirs, shaking his head because he had told her to stand down. "No, she is not dead but she could have got herself killed. Her lack of experience with her weapon may as well have caused this."

Bilbo saw the small crowd around Relly, his hands gripping his walking cane as he approached her unconscious form. She looked so little even though she was only 40 or so years old, hardly near middle age like he was. Bilbo had half a mind to think that whatever Thorin and Relly were discussing in private back in the Greenwood concerned her heritage. He took in a deep breath, feeling rather sorry for the young quarterling. It was not fair that Thorin was scolding her when she wasn't awake.

"We need to get her to a healer, immediately!" Gandalf finally intervened, lifting up the woman like she were just a feather and carrying her like a newborn child. Dwalin announced he found the passage way out as everyone began to follow the strongest dwarf, Bilbo staying near Gandalf and occasionally catching himself looking at the K.O.'d thief.

"Will she be alright?" he forced out to Gandalf, the grey wizard looking down onto his old Hobbit friend with a curious expression. Relly annoyed him a great deal but that did not mean he wished her ill will and definitely not any harm.

"She is out cold and needs care but I do not see her condition being permanent," he answered Bilbo, Relly's head slightly bobbing along as Gandalf walked.

Bilbo chewed the inside of his mouth, biting his cheek as he fought the urge to tell Gandalf what he had found out about Relly. Perhaps Gandalf already knew about her mixed heritage, certainly noticing her flat forehead and upturned nose. He shook his head, wondering what the blazes he was thinking.

"There is something gnawing at you, my dear Bilbo," The lower lids of Gandalf's eyes curved upwards, knowing Bilbo was thinking hard about a particular question that he was too worried to ask.

"Do you notice anything...odd about her?"

"Odd?" Gandalf sounded confused.

Bilbo nodded but his little question was about to be interrupted by a conversation unfolding between Ori, Nori and Bofur. Gandalf smiled to himself as Bilbo listened to what the three dwarves were making fun of.

"Kiss the lass awake? It may be one of our better ideas," Nori half-jokingly suggested to Bofur and Ori, the middle dwarf brother purposely bringing the subject up just to see Ori twitch.

"I've heard in tales where the hero kisses the damsel awake," Bofur exaggerated his voice in his last few words, sounding flighty and batting his eyelashes.

"Like the story of Agnu and Dworin?" Ori perked up, remembering the bedtime stories Dori would tell him about the mighty mountain dwarf Dworin and his ill fated love with the sleeping princess Agnu. Bilbo had never heard of those two particular figures but the theme of waking up a damsel with a kiss was not entirely original to one culture. He was pretty sure he had at least five volumes of legends and ballads of such things. However, Bilbo knew that this conversation was linked to Relly being out cold. This made him uncomfortable.

Bofur puffed on his pipe, raising his bushy brows as he grinned. "Yes, lad."

Ori's face turned a shade of pink before he brushed it off like nothing happened, scrunching up his nose at Bofur. "Relly's not asleep and she's a thief, not a princess."

Nori thundered with laughter; the echo shook the rock walls around them. Bilbo did not like cramped places and this passageway was only making him develop claustrophobia. He also did not like what Bofur was implying. Bilbo knew from day one that Ori showed some signs of affection towards her and Relly was the closest with Ori and Bofur more so than he was with any dwarf in entire party. As his mind began turning, he in fact was not sure how or if Thorin knew Ori liked Relly. Would he even approve?

I have no clue as to why I'm even thinking about this, he concluded as Bofur recalled his days of being a toymaker, Ori would sneak a look at the back of the line where Gandalf was carrying Relly and Bilbo, well, he was just trying to make out of this quest alive. I have other concerns to think about.

Dwalin stopped walking, his eyes amazed at what unfolded from his view. As each dwarf exited the mouth of the cave, Bilbo himself was in awe at the beauty and ethereal Elven outpost. He recognized the refuge of the Elves as a place named Imladris, the old Sindarin word for 'deep valley in the cleft'.

"Rivendell," he muttered, absorbing in all the beautiful architecture and the landscape and basically the otherworldly atmosphere. It was unlike any place he could ever imagine in his wildest yet somewhat limited imagination. He waited for Relly to say something but he realized she was unable to. A few minutes later, Thorin grumpily walked up to Gandalf and accused him of refuge with their enemies.

"You have no enemies here Thorin Oakenshield, just ill will which you have brought with you," Gandalf flat out told Thorin, not having the time for petty Elf-Dwarf hatred as he carried Relly in the crook of his arm.

Bilbo never understood why the elves and the dwarves disliked each other so much. Shire-Hobbits were less likely to meet the human men that the Bree-Hobbits lived with, but Bilbo did not think himself as prejudiced. Sheltered, maybe but not prejudiced for the most part. He was knowledgeable and curious of the world around him; the Took blood in his veins would not be quieted. Their company crossed the stone bridge into Rivendell, the two imposing statues towering above everyone as Bilbo kept his grip on his walking stick, feeling very small, smaller than usual. He craned his head to get a better look around him, hearing the calming echoes of the natural world around them. Absolutely awe-inspiring.

I should like to write a book about this place one day, Bilbo decided with a small close lipped smile on his face as he snapped out of his reverie and caught up with the rest of the dwarven crew and Gandalf, trying to ignore a strange wriggling worm of thought in his brain, a thought which concerned the health of the quarterling who shared his contract.

Relly ought to look where she's going next time, don'tcha think? Also, a couple of the reviewers have named Relly as a quarterling (half-Hobbit, half-man, halfling literally is "half a man") which I find really cute and apt to her heritage so she will be named as such :)