The Hobbit and Lord of the Rings belongs to JRR Tolkien and the movies belong to Peter Jackson. I'm just a devoted fan.

You guys spoil me rotten :') I love Bilbo-centric chapters, they're one of my favorites to write! I'm thinking about writing them more often since they do provide insight from both of our lovely main characters~ Would you all like that?

This chapter isn't exactly an exciting 'we're off to places' sort of chapter but more introspective and furthers the development of certain ~feelings~.

Advice from a Thief

The robbed that smiles, steals something from the thief.

- William Shakespeare

Bilbo Baggins always loved the moon. There were nights where he'd sit outside on his little hobbit-hole lawn and puff his pipe and just watch the moon in all its eternal lunar glory. It was a bit cheesy perhaps and there were whispers as to why he'd never sleep during the nights of the full moon but he always held some fascination and wonder towards the bright round circle in the sky. The moon was a subject of his many ditties and poems, a constant source of inspiration.

And he watched with amazement as he saw the moon runes on the map illuminate with the soft beams of the moon. He was honored to be among Gandalf, Balin, Thorin and Elrond to experience the secrets unearthed by the moon. There truly was nothing the moon could not reveal. Well, except maybe Relly Crillynook's true intentions.

"Figures, that you're skulking around."

He could not help but feel a little proud of himself. Bilbo Baggins had completely caught the quarterling off guard, causing her to nearly trip over her feet in the dark as she supported herself on a nearby column, her hands gripping like it her life line. And everyone thought he couldn't possibly be a sneak. He was a Hobbit after all, just like Gandalf said.

He saw Relly adjust herself, a sour frown on her face as her hazel eyes briefly met his brown eyes, seeing her barely flinch. She was not used to confrontation, that he could tell. For a brief second he wondered how she had lived her wayward life without being caught.

"What do you want?" she was suspicious because she'd been caught in the act. Stealing no doubt, he thought with a sigh. We're given refuge by the Elves and she repays them by taking their things.

Bilbo did not realize he had remained quiet because Relly indignantly huffed, a sign that brought him back to the current situation as he took a step forward towards the thief.

"You're always stealing. You stole from my house, from the camp site, from the Elves...it's not right, Relly."

"I was asked to come along because I can steal. You can't even steal a piece of cake," she scoffed. Obviously she did not consider the consequences of her actions. Bilbo felt his stomach stir when she mentioned cake. Oh how long had it been since he had a taste of delicious rum hole cake...he softly shook his head, the thoughts of cake fading away in his head.

"No, Gandalf brought you along because for some reason, he saw something in you. Just like he saw the Took in me," he then added, "for some reason."

Bilbo wasn't very fond of Relly, that was no secret. He did not hate her due to him being a polite gentle-Hobbit but she was very immature, had no regard for other's feelings and she was wearing his favorite green tunic! The nerve! For the life of him he didn't understand how she was able to mingle with the rest of the dwarves so easily, how she was close to Bofur and Ori, how Ori was infatuated with her. Especially that last one, that soared above the Hobbit's head. He could see it too, the way the knit-wearing dwarf looked at her when he sang the tale of the two doomed lovers.

"You didn't even want to go!" Relly raised her voice but quieted herself as to not stir the attention of any wandering elves around the chambers. "You didn't want to leave your cozy little home..." and strangely, she sounded rather sad, going from haughty to sorrowful in minutes flat. Relly made no sense to him whatsoever. Women in general made no sense to him, but that was a different story for a different day.

"I had a home! Who knows what the Sackville-Bagginses are up to now..." he muttered the last part, the name causing Relly to crane her neck towards him then slightly tilting it. Bilbo blinked, seeing the moonlight capture her strange new expression. He took it as that she recognized the name.

Relly's hand let go of the column as she paused, her bare feet shuffling across the marble floor. "I remember them. Lobelia thought I died."

Bilbo's eyebrows went up, surprised she actually knew the covetous Hobbit's name. "She thought you died?" How long had he been gone now? The way he exited the Shire must have seemed out of the ordinary and certainly a death wish. Heavens knows what Lobelia and Otho were doing with his mother's silks and furniture! He cut off his internal train of thought as he returned back to the conversation.

Relly slowly nodded. "I was gone for twenty years," her voice was flat rather than emotional. A simple but true statement.

Silence. She didn't seem so mad anymore, almost like she forgot why Bilbo was even here in the first place. It didn't last very long. He saw Relly shake her head and that neutral glare of hers contorted back into a grimace, an expression that nearly made Bilbo wince.

"If you're trying to tell me to stop stealing, I won't. It's what I'm here for and it's what I do best," and with a whip of her tattered cloak, Relly seemed to slip into the night as Bilbo stood there alone in the rays of moonlight.

That was quite possibly the saddest and yet bothersome conversation Bilbo had with Relly so far on this journey. He didn't even have to tell her that he knew Relly was a quarterling, she already assumed it so. Or at least, he believed she assumed it so. He remembered what Grandpap Baggins had to say about assuming and the last thing he wanted to be was a donkey.

He glanced up at the moon once more. Bilbo was up rather late, even by his own standards. The Hobbit who stayed up far too late. He smiled to himself as phrases of a possible new poem whirled inside his mind.

I ought to get some rest. If she wants to go storm off on her own and leave a bad taste with the elves then it's no fault of mine, he assured himself of Relly's consequences as he headed back down to where the dwarves had made their campsite. Some of them were already loudly snoring as the older dwarves such as Balin and Dwalin were quietly talking around the fire.

"Oh, Master Baggins. I wondered where you scurried off to," Balin noticed the male Hobbit as he broke off his conversation with his brother Dwalin. "Good thing you came back."

Bilbo looked at Dwalin and then back to the white haired dwarf. "Did I miss something?"

"We're leaving first thing in the morning. Gandalf's distracting the elves and wizard so we get a head start."

Bilbo made a slight 'oh' shape with his mouth, shaking his head up and down in complete understanding. He figured the elves, especially Elrond, would not take too kindly to Thorin Oakenshield's desire to continue their quest to reclaim Erebor. If it were him, he probably wouldn't allow it either. "Oh, alright. I'll just...take my rest right here..." as he found his little spot near where Oin and Gloin were sleeping.

Balin smirked. "Master Baggins, I have been meaning to ask you something."

"Yes?" he asked, confused as to what Balin could possibly want to know. Usually the dwarf was trying to discourage him from something.

"The night we were captured by those trolls, you said you had a confession to make towards Miss Relly," and Bilbo's face immediately paled. He did not like the direction in which Balin was taking this conversation.

Bilbo wildly shook his head, holding his hands up as his jaw went slack. "No, it was a ruse! I had to say something so the horrid troll wouldn't eat her. Gandalf was right around the corner so I had to stall just a bit longer so-,"

"Calm down Master Baggins, I wasn't insinuating anything of the sort," Balin weakly chuckled at the over-enthusiasm in which Bilbo said 'no'. "It was merely clever of you to come up with the idea of a 'last confession' or other."

That was too close for my liking, Bilbo breathed a sigh of relief. "Well, I'm off to sleep now Balin, so see you in the morning!"

Bilbo didn't see Balin smirk as the dwarf returned to his dying conversation with his brother Dwalin. Bilbo also was asleep by the time dear Relly Crillynook crept back to the campfire, with all the dwarves asleep as she curled up in her little sleeping bag with new goodies.

I hope I come back to Rivendell someday, Bilbo thought with a faint smile as he grabbed his walking stick and took one last gaze at the shining, ethereal outpost of the elves. He felt the faint touches of sun on his face as one of the dwarves yelled at him for holding up the line. "O-oh, sorry!" and he moved out of Dwalin and Gloin's way, nearly losing his grasp on his stick.

"Come on master burglar," Bombur cheerfully told him as the red haired dwarf walked alongside his companion. "I wish we had some breakfast first though."

Bilbo agreed with Bombur, finding it nice that his fellow dwarf shared the same pain of never having second breakfast or elevensies or lunch. As a well fed Hobbit, he did find it difficult to not constantly be eating throughout the day.

"Be on your guard, we're about to step over into the wild," Thorin informed his company as Bilbo kept up the pace, seeing the back of Relly's cloak as she stopped to talk to Kili. She was probably asking him about how to wield her rapier or something similar, he guessed.

His feet were tough, but even this rocky terrain felt foreign to him. Bumps and pebbles would dig into his leather soled feet and he couldn't help but wonder if Relly was going through the same thing. Her feet were thick too, but she was still half-human and probably not built for extreme weather conditions to her appendages like most Hobbits were.

Days passed and Bilbo kept mainly to himself. Occasionally he would talk to Bombur, Balin, Gloin and even Bifur through an intense game of charades. Relly had not approached him since the night in Rivendell. As expected, she was either conversing with Bofur and Ori or taking lessons from Kili and his brother. At night he could hear the clanging of Fili's sword with Relly's rapier. Sometimes he would watch the practices just out of curiosity, never lingering for long as to not be a total distraction.

"We shall camp here for the night. Fili, Kili, gather firewood. The air is getting colder around here, we must keep ourselves warm," Thorin commanded as the king under the mountain set down his load and started ordering his fellow men around. Bilbo was tasked with making stew since that was the only job Thorin could think of that kept the Hobbit out of his braided hair.

"I caught some rabbits with my slingshot!" Ori held out two dead conies by the ears, looking mighty pleased with himself as Bilbo forced a grin on his face. Ori was so earnest about everything he did that it was hard for Bilbo to turn down the adorable dwarf. "You can use 'em in tonight's supper!"

"I...I suppose I can work with that," he relented as Ori happily dropped the pile of dead rabbits, leaving a much bewildered Bilbo to figure out how to properly cook them. As he stirred the stew, he saw Relly playfully punch Bofur in the arm as Fili laughed at Bofur's reaction.

They're all having fun, he observed them all as he absently stirred the ladle, when was the last time I had fun? The answer was a long, long time ago when he was just a wee Hobbit tyke who proudly declared himself Bilbo the Great. The adventurer, the Took blood pulsing in his veins as he used to wrap himself in white linens and pretend he was a caped adventurer. But those days had long been pushed aside for a life of comfort, ease and stability. Bilbo cast his brown eyes down into the stew pot, seeing the chunks of cony meat and broth bubble as the smell of dinner wafted through his nose. Relegated to be basically a housekeeper for the dwarves, Bilbo hit the metal rod that held the pot above the fire, signifying it was time to sup.

Kili grabbed a bowl and eagerly waited for the master burglar to pour him the stew as his uncle Thorin also grabbed a bowl. When it came for Bilbo to ladle some stew into Thorin's bowl, Bilbo looked up at the dwarf lord, hoping maybe Thorin would notice him aside from providing the night's supper. He didn't.

Bilbo was the last one to eat as he frowned at how little there was left for him. Grabbing his meager bowl of stew, he sat down on a small indent in a boulder and realized he had no spoon. It was absolutely barbaric to not use utensils to eat food. However, he was out in the wild. And judging by how the rest of the dwarves were slurping down their dinner, he might as well go along with it. Tipping the bowl to his lips, he gulped down the broth of the stew.

"It looks like Mr. Well-to-do is losing his manners," and the teasing came from no other than Relly, the cloaked thief finishing off her stew with a long gulp as she chewed her rabbit meat. "Next thing you'll be running around naked in the woods."

Bilbo gave her a flat frown, eyebrows knitted. "At least I don't go off bathing in the woods by myself."

The comment got to her as a faint pink color tinted her cheeks and although the night time prevented Bilbo from seeing her reaction, her stunted silence was more than enough proof. She should not underestimate the sharp wit of Bilbo the Great, he grinned to himself.

Relly tucked the bowl back into her carrying sack as she climbed the giant boulder, the very one Bilbo was sitting on. "I thought about what you said."

His ears perked up. Was she capable of remorse? "You did?"

She nodded, resting her hand under her chin. "You just need some tips."

"Tips?" Bilbo was bewildered. For a brief moment he almost believed Relly had truly thought about what he tried to express to her, that stealing from hosts was a bad idea. "I do not need advice from a thief!"

Relly bent down close, her knees hitting the boulder as her head hovered above his. "Every dwarf here thinks you can steal. I know you can't. If I teach you how to be a true master burglar, then you'll actually be a master burglar."

He waved her off, getting up from the boulder as he walked over to the campfire where his stew-stained pot was in dire need of scrubbing. "Soliciting me for help like I asked for it..." Bilbo grumbled as he grabbed his pot and tried to find a source of running water.

"Ay Master Baggins," Bofur waved his hand, the cheerful toymaker calling his name as Bilbo raised a brow. "Come sit down lad, no use in trying to clean that thing."

"But I have to clean it or else the muk gets dried up at the bottom and the flavors will ruin the next meal..." he frowned as he gave up, dropping the pot to the grass as he walked over to where Bofur and his fellow buds were sitting. He saw Gloin talking to Bombur and Ori was on a stump literally knitting. Bilbo was pleasantly surprised to see the young dwarf knitting; when Thorin meant ' dwarven crafts' he may as well meant arts and crafts.

"Do you like this scarf, Mr. Bilbo?" Ori spoke up, his barely calloused hands working the needles like they were extensions of his fingers. "I made my own scarf and mitts."

Bilbo asked to touch the material of the scarf as he rubbed his fingers between the open knit of the dark brown fabric. Fuzzy. It felt rather warm and cozy. "Is it for me?" He once again assumed that Ori meant to make the accessory for him.

Gloin let out a deep chuckle and Bofur joined in, Ori's face scrunching up from the loud laughter as he looked straight at Bilbo. "No, it's a present for Relly."

Bilbo made an ass of himself, just like Grandpap Baggins would have said. "Oh."

"Oh?" Bofur took his pipe from his mouth and waggled it around, exchanging looks with Gloin. Gloin continued the rest of his chuckle as Bofur grabbed his whittling knife and broke off a twig from the fell log he was sitting on.

"I'm sure she'll like it," he half-heartedly said, not liking the tone of that 'oh'. That is, if she doesn't steal it first.

Ori resumed his shy, earnest smile. "You think so? My brothers suggested other things but they don't know much about women. They can't even get the dwarven ladies to like them."

Bofur nodded. "I remember the time Nori tried to one-up Dori at the marketplace...it did not end well," Bofur recounted the tale of Nori and Dori as Gloin reminded Ori that sensitivity was how he won over his wife. That, and muscles.

The bachelor Hobbit felt a bit out of place in the conversation. There were times before Bilbo hit the Hobbit middle age that he had been crushed on by the other lasses of Hobbiton. But Bilbo was better than the tittering, giggly women and after his mum died when he was younger, Bilbo didn't really have a desire to settle down. He was a Baggins of Bag End, perfectly content to live on his own all alone.

Ori whistled a tune as he continued knitting the scarf meant for Relly. Bilbo sat there in quiet, watching the dwarves carry on as if they forgot he was there. He was aware of the young dwarf's affections towards Relly, obvious to everyone but the quarterling herself. How Ori could possibly see her more than an annoying, thieving person was beyond him. He didn't know if Ori was aware of her heritage and somehow it occurred to him that perhaps Ori could still like her no matter what she was.

"You ought to rest Ori, Thorin's not going to let us stop for any breaks in the morning. The closer we get, the longer the journey becomes," Gloin encouraged the lad to put aside his knitting project and try to rest. Complying with the fatherly dwarf's suggestion, Ori stuffed his needles and fabric back into his bag as he spread out the large blanket on the ground and prepared to go to sleep.

Pretty soon Bilbo was the only one awake as he shuffled back to where he had placed his sleeping mat. He huffed a sharp breath to see Relly sitting cross-legged on it. "Get off my bed."

"I stole it. It's mine now."

He sputtered. She was getting a nice knit scarf for this kind of behavior? "No, you cannot steal something like that," and attempted to yank the sheet under her but to no avail. For someone so slight in stature she weighed a lot more than he expected. "You're just sitting on it to agitate me."

She shook her head. "No. I burgled these sheets. I suppose you're just going to have to take them back," and she flopped down on her side and wrapped her cloak around her body like a blanket, pretending to fall asleep.

This was going to be a long night.

I'm very proud of this chapter. Bilbo's so much fun...and adorable. I want a knit scarf now!