A/N: Angst ahead!

OLYMPIC GOLD MEDALIST PARTIES TOO HARD AT GOLDEN GLOBES

ALL-AROUND BOOZE CHAMPION

AMERICA'S SWEETHEART SEEN CANOODLING WITH MAN WHO IS NOT HER FIANCE

Sandy had never known her house to feel as tense as it did in the days following the fallout in Los Angeles. But the wave of headlines that had rolled out in the wake of the party had only compounded the struggle they were all feeling.

JJ had been released from the hospital the day after she'd been admitted, after a 24 hour evaluation had concluded she wasn't currently a danger to herself. Strict instructions had been given to start attending therapy, and while she knew JJ was resistant to the idea, Sandy was planning on getting her there even if she had to forcibly drag her in and out of the car.

Will had moved his things into Jason's old room, and apart from when he came and went for work, they had hardly seen him. It broke Sandy's heart to see them seemingly irreparably split down the middle. They had been thick as thieves for years… so hopelessly in love… she knew the tension had clearly been building for a while as JJ had tried to navigate her grief, but she had never imagined a fallout so spectacular occurring between the two.

"JJ," Sandy said softly, knocking on JJ's bedroom door as she gently pushed it open. "You need to get up… it's not healthy for you to stay in bed all day"

"I'm tired," JJ mumbled, her face half buried in her pillow.

"I know," Sandy replied, crossing the room and sitting down on the edge of the bed. "I know, JJ, I'm tired too, but… laying with your thoughts all day is just going to make it worse. You heard what the psych at the hospital said, you need to try and maintain a normal routine"

JJ said nothing, staying resolutely on her side as she avoided acknowledging her mother.

"I booked you in with a therapist… your first appointment is this afternoon," Sandy continued, keeping her voice as light as possible. "Her name is Dr Hernandez… when I saw her name, I thought of Laurie, and I thought maybe it's a good sign that she's going to be able to help you. I can take you, if you don't feel like driving?"

JJ shrugged. Sandy heaved a sigh, chewing on her lip as she pondered what to say next.

"Look… I'm going to go downstairs and make myself a cup of coffee. I'm going to come back in twenty minutes, and if you're not up, then I'll just have to get you up myself-"

"Ok, I'm getting up," JJ groaned, pushing herself up. She sat on the edge of the bed for a minute, her back to her mother, before she turned to look over her shoulder, her expression suddenly meek. "Do… do you think it would be ok if I went to the gym for a couple of hours?"

Sandy's eyebrows rose up, her face showing her surprise at JJ's sudden receptiveness. "I… I guess so. Just check with Nick first, but I don't see why it would be a problem"

Nodding, JJ slowly got to her feet. Even though the clothes she was wearing were oversized, Sandy could tell that she had lost weight. In the wake of so much sadness, her strong willed daughter suddenly seemed frail.

How she wished she could just flick a switch and take it all away.

"Ok, I know it's Monday, but you look tired kiddo, did you sleep at all last night?" Nick said teasingly an hour later as he sauntered towards where JJ was standing at the edge of the floor. He had been thrilled to have her back in the gym, even if she wasn't seriously training, and JJ felt bad for not being able to match his level of enthusiasm.

Avoiding looking at him even as he spoke to her, JJ shrugged, trying to ignore the pain radiating from her puffy eyes.

"What's going on?" Nick said gently, reaching out and placing a hand on her shoulder. She pulled away, seeming to withdraw even further into herself.

"Didn't you see it?" she asked, her voice hoarse from lack of use over the last few days.

"See what?"

"LA," JJ whispered. "The Golden Globes"

Nick sighed, running a hand through his hair. "I did, yes"

"How much?"

"Enough to know that you're clearly having a bit of a rough time," Nick said gently.

"And?" JJ said sharply.

"And what?"

"Surely you have an opinion… just like everyone else," JJ said tearfully, her eyes starting to well up with tears again.

"No, JJ, I don't," Nick replied, putting a hand on her back and guiding her over to sit on one of the foam training blocks. "I am your coach, and my job is always to just be your coach. Whatever happens outside of this gym is your business, and I reserve judgement on it unless it directly affects me, or anyone else at this gym"

JJ caved, her face crumpling as she buried it in her hands. Her shoulders heaved with fresh tears, her whole body shaking as Nick gently rubbed her back to try and offer some comfort. "I got ridiculously drunk… took cocaine… and then started fooling around with this random guy. Will broke off our engagement… I don't blame him… I wouldn't want to be with me either," she sobbed, prompting Nick to pull her up and into a tight hug.

"I just hate myself," she choked out through the onslaught of tears. "I don't recognise myself anymore… I've turned into this horrible, disgusting person"

"No, JJ, no," Nick said gently. "You're not a horrible person at all, ok? You're a girl with a heart of gold who has been through hell and back without a chance to breathe. So you've made a mistake… they happen to the best of us. But through everything that's ever happened to you… I have always been so proud to be your coach. That's not going to change, ok?" They sat in silence, Nick trying to swallow back the lump in his throat as JJ cried in his arms. "Why don't you go home?" he suggested quietly.

"I don't want to," JJ sobbed, barely able to breathe between waves of tears. "I don't want to be there"

"Ok," Nick breathed, his voice cracking as he gently pulled away from JJ. It was getting hard for him to keep his composure. Not even when Michael died had he seen JJ this upset. "Why don't you go and sit in my office for a little while?" he choked out, his eyes burning with tears as JJ tried to get a handle on her own. "Calm down, take some time to collect yourself… and then you can help me with the other girls, or you can do some light training"

JJ nodded, hiccuping as Nick stood up and helped her to her feet.

"You'll figure this out, JJ," he said gently, patting her shoulder as they walked back towards the foyer. "I know you will"

"Hi Jennifer, come in"

Hugging herself tightly, JJ crossed the threshold into the office. She'd managed a short workout in the gym that morning, and it had helped lift her spirits up enough to be relatively ok with the idea of facing therapy. And so it was that she found herself in the cozy little office of Dr Rachel Hernandez. It was bright, almost cheery, with whites, blues, and greens projecting warmth from every surface.

"So I have a little note from reception that you prefer to be called JJ, not Jennifer," Dr Hernandez said with a little smile as they came to sit on two little sofas, arranged around a coffee table upon which sat a pitcher of water and two glasses. JJ nodded, still keeping her mouth firmly closed.

"In that case, you can call me Rachel, if you're comfortable with that," Rachel said gently. "So, you've been referred to me to help you deal with some problematic grief, is that your understanding of what's going on?"

JJ shrugged. "I guess so"

"Today we're just going to have a bit of a chat… I'll learn a bit about you, you can decide if you feel comfortable with me, and then we can go from there, does that sound ok?"

JJ nodded, picking at her fingernails as she twisted her hands in her lap. "You have the same name as my teammate," she suddenly blurted out. She cringed, wondering why on earth she had said it.

"Your teammate?" Rachel asked.

"Lauren... Laurie Hernandez... we went to the Olympics together," JJ said softly. Inside, she felt like cringing. She hated being the first to bring up the Olympics. No matter the context, no matter the tone... it just felt so braggy.

"You've been to the Olympics?" Rachel continued, her eyebrows raising slightly. "What sport do you do?"

"Gymnastics... artistic gymnastics," JJ replied, her voice staying soft and level. It was taking so much energy just to speak with this woman.

"That's the one with the bars, right?" Rachel clarified. JJ nodded. "Ah... that's pretty incredible! How did you go in the competition?"

"We... we won gold... as a team... and I won four more medals on my own. Two gold, silver and a bronze," JJ recounted quietly. "I had already won some medals in the London Olympics too... but the feeling never goes away"

"No, I imagine it's a competitive high you just want to keep chasing," Rachel mused, smiling over at JJ. "Do you think you'll compete in the next Olympics?"

JJ shrugged, not really finding the energy to explain the semantics of going to just one Olympic Games, let alone two or three.

"What can you tell me about your teammates?" Rachel asked almost conversationally. JJ shrugged again. Suddenly her energy had completely tanked... she loved the girls like no tomorrow... but she just didn't have the energy she needed to talk about them today.

"What about your fiancé? Will?" Rachel asked gently, after sensing JJ wasn't going to answer her previous question.

At the word 'fiance', JJ's eyes almost immediately filled with tears. Dropping her face, she pressed it into her hands, willing herself to keep her composure for as long as she possibly could.

"It's alright JJ," came Rachel's soft voice. A gentle chink against the top of the glass coffee table drew her attention. Through her tears, she looked up to find Rachel sitting back down in her chair, having placed down the box of tissues now sitting just in front of her. JJ immediately pulled a couple from the box, pressing them to her eyes as she willed herself to breathe. She had to keep it together... this woman was going to think she was mad.

"I don't think he's my fiancé anymore," JJ stammered a few moments later, her voice shaking in the silence of the room.

"Why aren't you sure?" Rachel asked.

"He took back the ring... but... he only said he needed some time... to work things out," JJ choked out through tears. "I don't... know if he officially broke it off... or just needed a break"

"Can you tell me about what happened? What forced such a change in your relationship?" Rachel continued, her voice calm and reassuring as JJ tried to get a hold on her emotions.

But thinking back to that night... that awful, terrifying night in Los Angeles... only served to further pull the tears from deep within her.

"I did so many stupid things," she sobbed, pulling her knees up to her chest and casting her wet eyes down towards the floor. "I got extremely drunk... I took drugs... and then, as if I hadn't already humiliated myself... I started fooling around with this random guy who was just as, if not more drunk than I was... and that was when Will found me"

"How far did you end up going with this guy?" Rachel asked gently.

"I don't know," JJ cried, wiping her nose on her sleeve. "I was so drunk I don't remember half of it... I remember kissing him... but when Will dragged me outside, he was yelling... something about the guy having his hand in my underwear... I don't remember it at all... but I must have been this close to having sex with him"

"Do you think the other guy might have been taking advantage of you?" Rachel queried.

JJ shook her head. "He was at best... just as drunk as I was... I don't think he really knew what was going on even when we were making out"

"Ok," Rachel said gently. "This is really upsetting for you. Do you feel like you're ready to talk about it, or do you want to talk about something else?"

"Something else," JJ sniffed, wiping her eyes again.

"We will be revisiting that in future sessions, ok, we're not avoiding it forever," Rachel reminded her gently. "I've got notes here that your main grief trigger has been your dad passing away… was that recent?"

JJ nodded.

"JJ, I'm so sorry to hear that. Losing a parent at any age really sucks, but especially when you're as young as you are. You're old enough to understand what's happened, but still technically too young to be burying a parent," Rachel said warmly.

Swallowing hard against tears, JJ finally lifted her eyes up to meet the therapist's across the table. "It just feels like it's never going to end," she whispered.

"I know," Rachel said gently. "And that's what we're going to work on"