A/N: More to come!
|photo of JJ snuggling against Will's chest. They're both smiling, and JJ's left hand is flat against his chest, her ring on clear display|
9 months ago, my best friend asked me to marry him in an arena filled with hundreds of people. I said yes, knowingly wholeheartedly that that was what I wanted, but at the time, my heart and mind were consumed with sadness and pain. What I didn't realize at the time was that no matter how much I love Will, I was not in the right place to be able to say yes. 2 months later, we came spiralling apart in the wake of a night filled with bad decisions and terrible mistakes, and the engagement was broken off. Weeks later, we broke it off 'for good'. What we needed wasn't to move on and forget… it was to take some time apart and rediscover who we are without the other in the picture. Yesterday, after a lot of therapy, learning about ourselves and each other, and working to get back to the place we used to be, he asked me again. This time, it was just us. Just us, the sunset, and the sounds of the lake at our feet. And this time, I said yes, knowing that this is really it. I'm not going to make the same mistakes I did last time. I'm going to marry my best friend and I'm going to love him for forever.
|jareaumanar|
I'm sobbinggggg. JJ's Instagram post *crying emoji* I obviously knew that that night at the GG's was in no way good, but I didn't realize she and Will actually broke up completely over it.
|olympichampion|
I WANT WHAT THEY HAVE *crying emoji*
|flippyflippy|
What, a partner who cheats? Actually, correction, a partner who does cocaine and cheats?
|henriettasonodi|
You know, this whole thing really just proved the unnecessary standard some of y'all hold these gymnasts to. JJ is a human being, who was grieving, and made a stupid mistake. You know who has the right to be mad at her for that? Will. You know who's clearly forgiven her? WILL. But no, y'all are just mad that JJ beat your fave or isn't a Russian armwaving ballerina, or maybe you're just mad that she's a product of the American machine and is good at gymnastics and wins and *GASP* IS AMERICAN, so you're gonna hang on to this one mistake she made and harp on it forever.
Guarantee that if Aliya Mustafina did the same thing, you would be saying "what a QUEEN"
"Earlier this year, Ragan Smith broke onto the international stage with the first big win of her career, the prestigious American Cup. She's got big dreams this year, and for a little while, maybe she thought she would go uncontested. But as it so happens, that is not the case. For the first time in USA history, the reigning Olympic all-around champion is in attendance tonight, and she is not just competing one event like we've seen in the past, she is here with a full competitive program, and she is ready to win. Rio was over a year ago, and a lot has happened, so we could forgive for you thinking we are talking about Simone Biles. But in actuality, we're talking about her older teammate, Jennifer Jareau, who swept past Simone at the final hour on August eleventh last year to take the coveted all-around title"
"The rest of the Final Five are in attendance tonight, but they are not competing. Tonight, there is no doubt that this crowd will be all for Jennifer Jareau"
"And she's had a really tough year. Obviously last year, it was well publicized that her dad was battling cancer, and even more so when he passed away the night after JJ made it onto the Olympic team"
"She really withdrew after the Olympics. Normally, the all-around champions will take opportunities and live a bit of the high life, but we really didn't see JJ again until January, and then she was on every gossip website in the country-"
"Which wasn't fair for anyone to do to her. She was clearly hurting, and people were more interested in creating drama around what was going on with her. I talked a little bit to JJ earlier today, and while I won't say what we discussed, because that's her story to tell if and when she's ready, I can say that this young lady is such a fighter. She's been through so much since that night in January, and knowing what she told me today, it actually makes me feel a bit emotional watching her tonight, she's got so much to be proud of"
"Well, she's the most decorated gymnast in the country, and one of the most decorated in history… this year is her last season, she says she's planning to retire after the World Championships this year, and I'm sure the world can't wait to see what Jennifer Jareau has in store"
As the first gymnast took to the beam, JJ stayed focused on the sidelines, wordlessly marking her way through her routine. Nick was standing beside her, watching Trinity Thomas start her routine.
"How are you feeling?" he asked softly when she stopped moving. She looked up at him, giving him a small smile and a nod.
"Good"
Nick studied her for a moment, before giving her a reassuring smile. "You look a little nervous, but I'm sure that's not the case. The Olympic all-around champion doesn't get nervous, does she?"
JJ let out a little chuckle. "No, I… I'm not nervous about my routines, I just… I don't know how much of everything that's happened this year is known to the public. I know they know about Los Angeles. There's no avoiding that. But do they know about… everything else. And if they do… what are they all thinking of me? I feel like I'm just some weak shell of a person compared to the mental image everyone has of a gymnast after they win an Olympic title"
"You're not weak," Nick said gently, reaching out and guiding JJ over to sit on one of the vacant chairs nearby. Taking a seat beside her, he leaned forward, resting his elbows on his lap and creating a feeling of privacy around the two of them as they talked. "You're most definitely not weak. You've had a lot happen. Your dad was very sick, and he passed away, and then you went straight to the Olympics, and then a whole heap of other crap happened… JJ, anyone who wouldn't have a meltdown after that is someone I would be concerned about"
JJ heaved a sigh, nodding as she watched Trinity lining up for her dismount.
"People are going to talk about you because they would rather focus on the crazy stuff happening in someone else's life than their own. And people who use what happened as a weapon against you are just jealous that you can still achieve so much even when the shit is well and truly hitting the fan. You feel different this year… that's ok. That's totally fine. Expected even. But don't label it as weak. Because that's the furthest from the truth it can get"
With a defiant thump, Trinity hit the landing mat, straightening up and presenting to the judges as JJ rose from her seat.
"Just go out there and have fun. That's what this season is meant to be about, remember?" Nick said, giving her a pointed look as she headed for the stairs. Breaking into a smile, JJ gave him a thumbs up, before heading up the stairs towards the beam.
"Good job, that landing was so good," she said encouragingly to Trinity as they passed each other. Trinity beamed, wishing JJ luck as she walked down to meet her coach.
She allowed herself to drown out the noise of the arena as she walked alongside the beam, marking it at various points with a piece of chalk. When she was happy, she walked to the end of the mat and cast the chalk to the side, turning to face the judges with a smile. The head judge smiled back at her, lifting the flag to indicate that JJ could begin her routine. Saluting without hesitation, she focused her eyes on the end of the beam, taking a deep breath to settle herself before she began.
"This is obviously JJ's best event. She's held the World and Olympic titles on beam since 2011, as well as the national title since 2010, and I'm sure she's got another one up her sleeve this weekend"
"Yeah, at this point they don't award her the national title, she comes in with it already in her bag and she just does a routine to prove she can still take it home"
With a deep breath, she ran lightly towards the springboard, leaping onto it and punching into her front pike. She hit the beam hard, straightening up as the initial competition nerves began to dissipate. With a flourish, she stepped forward, before swinging her arms up and back into a standing Arabian. Her feet found purchase on the other side, and she only paused for as long as it took her to reset her arms for the next skill, a backflip half twist into front walkover, which she easily connected into two front walkovers.
"You'd think she was on the ground. I've just never seen someone so solid and so confident on this apparatus"
A small string of easier skills allowed her enough time to prepare herself for the skill she had become known for. With steely focus, she flipped back, once, twice, launching up into a flighty full twisting layout.
"Gah, I never get sick of that. Just so good. And she does it so easily that you would never even realize how HARD that is"
"It's hard to do once, let alone every single time you get up on the beam"
A clean leap series, a full turn… before long, she was at the end of the beam, centering herself for her dismount. She lifted her arms, taking a deep breath, and then swung back into her series. Flip… flip…
With a punch so hard it was audible from the other end of the arena, she flipped back off the end of the beam, easily completing her full twisting double tuck and landing it with room to spare.
"Not even a flicker! That's how beam is done!"
Unable to help the smile spreading across her face, she saluted the judges, before turning and making her way off the podium to where Nick was waiting.
"Amazing job kiddo," he said happily, giving her a tight squeeze. "See? You haven't changed a bit"
JJ chuckled. "Pretty sure I've changed a lot"
"I don't know, that layout full looked exactly the same to me," Nick replied with a grin. "Come on, let's get you ready for floor"
|mustafinas-heel-pads|
*screenshot of JJ on the beam, right before her dismount. It has been cropped and zoomed in to her left wrist, the scar clearly visible*
I'm probably being dramatic, but… did anyone notice this tonight?
|layout-stepout|
Yeah. It's probably just a surgery scar, isn't that the same wrist she injured in Rio last year?
|jareaumanar|
Yeah it is, she broke it on beam IIRC.
|beamqueenjareau|
I'm sure she would have posted about it if it was that.
|henriettasonodi|
Lmao, she doesn't, and doesn't have to, post her entire life on social media. Something as non-enthralling as a wrist surgery would most likely not make the cut for the gram hahaha. You guys are too much. Freaking out because she didn't post about something that probs happened super low key in the off season. Chillllllll.
The first night had been a quiet success. After her stellar beam set, she had followed it up with a solid showing of her new floor routine. Vault had followed, with two clean, stuck vaults to have her ahead of Jade Carey in the vault standings. From there, she had finished it with a clean bar routine. Errors were minimal, and despite the long journey to get to where she was, she still felt as strong as the gymnast who had gone to the Olympics only 12 months earlier.
"JJ… you've had a… well, you've had a pretty rough year"
JJ nodded, managing a little smile as she kept her eyes trained on the young man asking her questions. She was sitting on the edge of the podium after night one, reporters and journalists all around her. There were microphones and recorders pointing at her from all directions, but it didn't faze her. At least, not like it used to.
"You stated earlier this year that you had been diagnosed with something called complicated grief disorder. What exactly does that mean, and how has that affected your preparation for this year's season?"
JJ took a deep breath. She knew questions about her struggles were unavoidable. And so, just as she always tried to be, she planned to be open and honest in her responses. "Complicated grief is a bit of an umbrella term for a number of conditions that people can develop after suffering a traumatic loss. It basically means that my brain doesn't process grief normally like everybody else's. Not that grief is normal, or linear… it's different for everybody. But for me in particular, it's extremely intense, severe, and painful. It causes me to have severe depressive episodes, lose the ability to function normally, and basically get stuck in a grief cycle for much longer than would be considered normal"
"You seem to be doing very well now"
"I am," JJ said with a smile. "I mean, I have my days. But right now, I'm considered broken out of the cycle that complicated grief causes. It took a lot of therapy, and support from my friends and family, but I'm here"
"Has it affected your training?"
JJ thought for a moment. "I don't think it's affected the outcome. I'm basically where I want to be at this point of the season. But I would say it definitely affected the process of getting here. I was really all over the place for a while"
"Well you performed beautifully tonight. You came out and proved to everyone why you're the Olympic Champion. Has that sunk in yet?"
JJ grinned, shaking her head. "Not really. I mean… I remember being a kid and coming to nationals to watch the big girls, and I remember watching Nastia in 2009 and just thinking 'wow, she's really the Olympic all-around champion, she's so good', and now that's me and I just don't feel that way at all"
The reporters chuckled. "I'm sure there's more than a few little girls up in those stands watching you with the same admiration, you definitely deserve it"
"JJ, what's the plan after this season? I'm guessing you're hoping to make it to worlds?" another girl asked, stepping forward with a tape recorder.
"Yeah, I'd like to go to worlds this year… I just kind of feel like Rio wasn't the way I want to finish things, I was always so sad, and I'd just like to finish things on a happy note. So… the plan is actually to retire at the end of the world championships," JJ replied with a shrug, a small smile crossing her face. "It'll be nice to have some downtime to spend with my fiance, and then, we haven't set a date yet but I think we'll be getting married sometime next year, so it'll probably be a transition straight from training to wedding planning"
"Is he here watching tonight?"
"Yeah, I actually looked up at one point during beam and I could see him out of the corner of my eye," JJ said with a laugh. "It's a good thing I'm always super focused on beam, otherwise that could've been a bit of a distraction"
"It's lovely to see you so bright and happy, and of course, the gymnastics world is so excited to have you back. Good luck for Sunday night, and hopefully we will see you in Montreal for worlds!"