A/N: Trigger warning on this chapter for mentions of CSA.
JJ was still sitting up at the kitchen counter working through one of her online courses when she heard her mom's key turn in the lock. Picking some M&Ms out of the bowl next to her, she popped them in her mouth, turning to look over her shoulder just as her mom walked into the kitchen.
"What are you doing up? It's nearly one in the morning JJ," was the first thing Sandy said as she came into view, dropping her handbag on the table. "And M&Ms, at this time of night?"
"Hello to you too," JJ scoffed through a mouthful of chocolate, making Sandy pause for a moment before sighing and letting out a little laugh. "Speak for yourself by the way, I'm sure I heard Will give you specific instructions to be home by midnight"
Pretending to laugh as JJ giggled in her chair, Sandy moved around to the other side of the counter, grabbing a glass from the cupboard and taking it over to the sink. "Has he gone to bed?"
"Yeah, he's got cadet training in the morning," JJ replied, pushing her laptop to the side and leaning forward, an eager smile on her face as Sandy filled the glass with water. "How was your date?"
Sandy smirked, leaning back against the counter behind her and sipping from the glass. "Anyone would think I was the teenager coming home from her first date"
"Come on, you were so nervous, you've got to tell me how it went," JJ said with a grin. "Where did he take you?"
"Le Mont," Sandy replied. JJ's eyes widened.
"That's so fancy!"
"I know," Sandy said in a hushed voice, setting her glass down and moving forward, leaning on the counter until she and JJ were at eye level with each other. "I kept telling him it was too fancy, but… oh my god, JJ, the food"
JJ grinned. "And the drinks?"
"Flowing"
"Incredible," JJ said, getting a chuckle out of her mom. "Did he kiss you goodnight?"
Sandy paused for a moment, glancing down at the counter before shaking her head. "No. I… I didn't want him to. Not because… not because I'm not… I just-"
"It felt strange," JJ finished softly. Sandy nodded, her shoulders slumping. JJ reached out, closing her hand over her mom's and giving it a gentle squeeze.
"You know, given the circumstances, I think… that might just be ok," she said, a smile spreading across her face. Sandy looked up at her again, her face relaxing ever so slightly. "You've both been married previously… and navigating dating after losing a spouse, that's… hard. And new. And probably strange, and awkward and every other adjective in between"
"You're not wrong," Sandy said quietly, the corners of her lips quirking into a smile.
"I think you should cut yourself some slack. It sounds like you guys had a good night. I mean, you didn't come home until one in the morning, so it must have been fun"
Sandy chuckled. "It was a lot of fun. Although, my favourite part was the look on his face when I told him that you have ten Olympic medals"
"Are you using me as a dating tactic?" JJ teased. Sandy laughed, shaking her head.
"No, because I then proceeded to tell him that you might be an Olympic champion, but you're still a giant pain in the ass"
"Thanks," JJ scoffed as her mom pulled back, still laughing while she turned to grab her glass of water from the counter behind her. "I love you too"
"You know I love you, I'm just teasing," Sandy said with a grin. "Come on, we should both go to bed. You need to rest so you can heal properly"
"Yeah, give me five minutes to submit this and I'll be up"
"Alright. Sleep well. I'll see you in the morning," Sandy said warmly, leaning over and pressing a kiss to JJ's temple as she passed her. As she reached the doorway, JJ turned.
"Hey Mom?"
"Mm?"
JJ paused for a moment, before breaking into a soft smile, her eyes shining in the dull light of the kitchen. "I… I'm really glad you had a good time. Ever since you told me about Paul, you've seemed… really happy. I want it to stay that way"
Sandy bit the inside of her lip, swallowing back a lump of emotion at JJ's words. "Thank you JJ. I hope it stays that way as well"
"I love you"
Smiling, Sandy started to turn towards the stairs again. "I love you too"
It was still early when JJ was woken up by someone leaning over her. Fighting off wakefulness, she cracked her eyes just wide enough to recognise Will's police academy shirt, just moments before he pressed a kiss to her forehead.
"You leaving?" she asked quietly.
"Yeah. Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you," he replied, lifting a hand to brush her hair out of her face. "I should be home around four"
"Ok. Have a good day," she mumbled, still half asleep. She heard Will chuckle, and then the weight on the edge of the bed lifted. There were a few rustles, followed by footsteps and the sound of the bedroom door opening, before it closed and his footsteps began to make their way down the stairs.
It was about fifteen minutes before she realised it was fruitless trying to go back to sleep, and so she inevitably gave in, opening her eyes and reaching out to her bedside table to grab her phone. She opened it up, navigating straight to Twitter and beginning to scroll absently through her timeline as she waited for her brain to fully wake up for the day.
Spying a tweet from McKayla that looked to be a picture of some kind of text, she tapped on the picture, opening it up to full screen so she could read what it said.
Everyone's words over the past few days have been so inspiring to me. I know how hard it is to speak publicly about something so horrible, and so personal, because it's happened to me too.
People should know that this is not just happening in Hollywood. This is happening everywhere. Wherever there is a position of power, there seems to be potential for abuse. I had a dream to go to the Olympics, and the things I had to endure to get there, were unnecessary, and disgusting.
I was molested by Dr Larry Nassar, the team doctor for the US Women's National Gymnastics Team, and Olympic Team. Dr Nassar told me that I was receiving "medically necessary treatment that he had been performing on patients for over 30 years." It started when I was 13 years old, at one of my first National Team training camps, in Texas, and it didn't end until I left the sport. It seemed whenever and wherever this man could find the chance, I was "treated." It happened in London before my team and I won the gold medal, and it happened before I won my Silver. For me, the scariest night of my life happened when I was 15 years old. I had flown all day and night with the team to get to Tokyo. He'd given me a sleeping pill for the flight, and the next thing I know, I was all alone with him in his hotel room getting a "treatment." I thought I was going to die that night.
The Olympics is something that brings people hope, and joy. It inspires people to fight for their dreams, because anything is possible with hard work and dedication. I remember watching the 2004 Olympics. I was 8 years old, and I told myself that one day I would wear that red, white, and blue leotard, and compete for my country. Sure, from the outside looking in, it's an amazing story. I did it. I got there, but not without a price.
Things have to change… but how do we begin? I'm no expert but here are my thoughts;
One: Speaking out and bringing awareness to the abuse that is happening.
Two: People, Institutions, Organizations, especially those in positions of power, etc. need to held accountable for their inappropriate actions and behaviour.
Three: Educate, and prevent, no matter the cost.
Four: Have zero tolerance for abusers and those who protect them.
Is it possible to put an end to this type of abuse? Is it possible for survivors to speak out, without putting careers, and dreams in jeopardy? I hope so.
Our silence has given the wrong people power for too long, and it's time to take our power back.
And remember, it's never too late to speak up.
- McKayla Maroney
By the time she'd finished reading it, she was wide awake, pushing herself up to sitting as her stomach churned, her brain struggling to wrap itself around what she had just read. Something akin to pure shock was coursing through her, but she knew that wasn't entirely it. Somehow, she felt like she had known. Ever since Aly had told her back in Melbourne, McKayla's isolating behaviour had started to make sense. But that didn't mean she hadn't hoped against everything she knew that she was wrong, and that McKayla was pulling away for another completely unrelated reason.
"MAC!" JJ shrieked, her cheeks flushing red as the three girls dissolved into giggles. "Ok I've had enough, why don't we focus on finding you a guy? You've already made innuendos to Usain Bolt"
"He's totally your type Mac, tall and silent," Aly teased. "We'll find you someone to rub your feet at the end of the day, before they take you to bed and have their way with you"
The girls laughed, but surprisingly, McKayla did not. Her expression had fallen, and all of a sudden, she jumped up from her beanbag.
"I have to go to bed," she muttered darkly, before turning and leaving the room without so much as another word.
As the memory washed over her, she immediately was taken back to a year before that, when they had been in Tokyo. She remembered seeing Larry taking McKayla off by himself when they got to the hotel. McKayla had been pretty out of it, but she'd never realised that Larry had drugged her. They were all tired. They'd all struggled. Why hadn't she thought to mention it to anyone? A 15 year old girl should never have been alone with any member of the staff, regardless of who they were.
The reality of what she had feared most becoming the truth was making her physically ill. Even moreso, she couldn't help but now run through every encounter she had ever had with Larry. Had he managed to abuse her too without Nick ever knowing? Aly had admitted to not knowing what had happened was abuse… she'd been groomed, brainwashed into believing he was doing the right thing. JJ couldn't help but think that even though Larry had never put his fingers into her, maybe his weird touches had somehow been some sort of abuse. She didn't know. She didn't know what was real and what wasn't, and it was spinning her brain like a top.
Casting her phone behind her, she lunged off the bed towards her trash can, collapsing in front of it just in time to heave into it, bringing up hardly more than bile and water. She could feel the tears rising in her chest as she retched, and by the time she had stopped heaving, they were rolling vigorously down her cheeks.
"JJ, did I just hear you throw up?" came Sandy's voice as the door opened in front of her. Sandy trailed off as JJ looked up, her face suddenly wrought with fear. "What's wrong?"
"My phone… read it," JJ said tearfully, still clutching the trash can closely as her stomach continued to churn with the truth. She watched, trying to maintain some level of composure as her mom picked up her phone and began to scan the image before her. It felt like the longest couple of minutes of JJ's life, watching the horror spread across Sandy's face as McKayla's words became known to her too.
"Oh my god," Sandy whispered, her eyes flicking up to her dishevelled daughter on the floor. "This man was the team doctor?"
JJ nodded, her chest tightening again as she leaned over and gagged into the trash can.
"JJ, did he have access to you?"
Unable to answer, JJ tried to make herself breathe, her knuckles white as she gripped the rim of the can. There was a thump as her phone was tossed back onto the bed, before her mom dropped down in front of her, tipping her chin up to make her look directly at her.
"Did this man ever touch you?"
"No," JJ said tearfully. "I… no, he didn't, he never-"
"You can tell me if he did," Sandy said in a thick voice.
"He never touched me. Not like… that," JJ sobbed. "Nick was always there. But he… he did it to A-Aly as well. She told me, when we were in M-Melbourne in February, and…-"
"Ok, I need you to lean forward and try to breathe for me, you're hyperventilating," Sandy said firmly, reaching out to steady JJ with both hands. JJ obliged, trying to focus on breathing in through her nose even as she fought off the emotions that had come to the surface with the revelation.
"Part of me knew," she choked out.
"What do you mean?"
"After Aly… after she told me… I… part of me knew that there had to be others, but… I didn't want to be right," JJ stammered, moments before she retched into the trash again. Sandy remained resilient, keeping her hands on JJ's back as a measure of comfort.
"Right now… I want to make sure that you're ok," she said gently. "Your body is having a shock response, and I want to make sure you don't pass out. But I also… are you sure? That he never-"
"I… I don't think so," JJ said in a weak voice, her body suddenly sagging. She was so overwhelmed that she hardly even noticed when Sandy guided her to lay down on the floor. "Nick was always with me. And Aly… she told me what he did to her. He definitely never did that to me, he just… he always made me uncomfortable. He was weird. But everyone said he was weird"
"Ok," Sandy said gently. "Just keep focusing on your breathing"
"How many others are there going to be?"
The question hung like a lead weight in the room, and while Sandy knew JJ wasn't expecting her to answer, that she was just voicing her thoughts, she also found herself inexplicably broken as she thought of all the girls who had passed through that national team over the years.
Because if two girls from the same Olympic team had spoken up about being victims of child sexual abuse… the horrifying reality was that there was almost certainly going to be more.