Omake 3: Fudge

A/N: The following scene I was trying to work in, but when I got to the point where Fudge tried to justify what he was doing, I really couldn't think of anything that would make sense. Rather than just delete it, I'll include it as part of the "bonus DVD" section. It turns into a crack chapter by the end.

Ron Weasley felt a bit nervous as he walked beside his brother on the top floor of the Ministry of Magic. It wasn't so much that Ron was in the Ministry that unsettled the redhead; after all, he'd been in the building a number of times since his father worked there. The plush purple carpeting and the thick mahogany doors were a lot less intimidating than the appearance of the Department of Mysteries. No, it was the fact that on this visit he was essentially on his own.

His brother, Percy, had been elevated from Bartemius Crouch's assistant to Minister Fudge's Undersecretary's assistant after the Tri-Wizard Tournament. From Percy's letters home, it was clear that his brother had placed his allegiance with his employer above that of his family, and this "friendly" little trip here was clearly being engineered by the Minister, not out of any familial connection his brother wanted to make.

"…The Minister was just telling me the other day," his brother continued with an air of self-importance that he had perfected during his days as Head Boy at Hogwarts, "that appearance is weightier than how things really are. Which, is why I'm so pleased that you've come with me today, Ronald. With the Minister's favor, you could really go far. And you could be a real asset to the Ministry, with the proper guidance, of course."

Ron rolled his eyes at his brother's attempt at subtle manipulation. Ron wasn't so unaware of himself as to think he wasn't at least somewhat interested in fame or power, but if his brother thought that he'd be impressed by a junior assistant position in the Ministry, he was delusional. Actually, Ron thought, he was pretty sure his brother really was delusional. What else would explain his belief that Percy was even half as important as he thought he was?

And then they were in front of the door to the Minister of Magic's office. Percy paused for a second before knocking. "Now, Ronald, Minister Fudge is a very busy man. If he happens to mis-remember your name, don't take it as an insult. You're lucky that he's willing to see you at all. This is a great honor for you, you know."

At Percy's knock, Cornelius Fudge called for them to come in. The Minister rose from his desk with a warm, if not wholly sincere, smile on his face. "Thank you, Whetherby," he said to Percy dismissively, "that will be all." Then he turned to Ron. "Ronald Weasley, it is really a pleasure to see you again, my boy! The last time, I think, was at the Tri-Wizard Tournament ceremony, wasn't it?"

Percy stood there, his mouth slightly agape at the slight he'd just received.

Ron, for his part, struggled to repress a smug smirk. Served the prat right for being so insufferable. But as he watched his brother start to turn to leave in embarrassment, Ron took pity on him.

A year ago, Ron would not likely have been able to pass up the opportunity to gloat. However, since Harry had forgiven Ron for not believing him about the Goblet of Fire incident, and more importantly forgiven him for the whole dragon prophecy, Ron had developed a much deeper sense of sympathy for others. Percy may not have brought him to the Minister's office out of brotherly love, and might have deserved the humiliation for his arrogance, but he was still his brother, and Ron could throw him a bone here.

"Uh, Minister," Ron began, "Would it be alright if my brother, Percy, stayed? I'd feel better with a family member with me for the meeting. If you don't mind."

Fudge's beady eyes widened slightly, a quick glance over at the taller redhead and then back over to Ron a second later, and the Minister's expression suddenly shifted. "Of course, of course," the man said with a broad, beaming smile plastered on his face. "I'm sure Percy is quite busy, but I think he can spare some time to support his brother."

The look of relief on Percy's face and the warm look he turned towards his brother were enough to make Ron sure he'd done the right thing. "Of course, Minister. There's nothing more important than helping out the Minister…and taking care of my little brother."

"Well, now that that's settled," Fudge said, settling down in the plush seat behind his desk as Ron took the one opposite, "is there anything we can get you to make you more comfortable? A butterbeer, perhaps? Or some pumpkin tea?"

Ron declined, after which Fudge spent a couple minutes making casual conversation about schooling and Hogwarts, followed by a number of compliments directed at Ron before the Minister got down to business.

"Ron, my boy, I need to know I can count on you. You see, we at the Ministry are worried that Dumbledore is going to make a bid to take over the government, and your friend, Harry Potter, is at the heart of it."

Ron's brow furrowed. "Wait, you think Dumbledore and Harry are planning to overthrow the government?"

"Of course I don't blame Harry," the Minister reassured. "It's Albus Dumbledore who can't be trusted. Which is why I'm sending my Senior Undersecretary to Hogwarts to keep an eye on things. I want you to watch Mr. Potter and report things back to the Ministry."

At that, the door opened and a pink clad middle aged woman entered the Minister's office. "I'm sure Mr. Weasley, that you and I will be great friends," she simpered.

Danger bells went off in Ron's head. "Ok, something doesn't add up here. I need an adult. No, wait, I need Hermione. Hermione Granger! Emergency!"

To everyone's surprise, a burst of lightning flashed down from the ceiling, and there, standing in the Minister's office, was Hermione.

"Ronald, I was studying. This had better be important!" the bushy haired teen said, fixing Ron with a look.

"It is, Hermione. You see, the Minister of Magic wants me to spy on Harry because he's worried that Dumbledore is trying to take over the government," Ron pleaded.

Hermione frowned then looked over at the Minister of Magic. "Is that true?"

The Minister, absolutely astonished by the sudden arrival of the young witch merely gaped at her.

"So, Voldemort has returned, an event witnessed by literally scores of respected wizards and no less than three Aurors, and you are concerned about Albus Dumbledore trying to take your seat as Minister of Magic? That would only make sense if you were still in denial about Voldemort's return, but since Lucius Malfoy was discredited over this scandal, there's really no reason for you to be thinking like this." Hermione pursed her lips, frowning. "You were right to call for me Ron, something odd is definitely going on here."

"Hem, Hem! Now see here," Dolores Umbridge began, "children like you should not be speaking to the Minister like that! I bet it was that werewolf or that half-breed—"

"Oh," Hermione cut her off, freezing her in place with a wave of her wand. "I get it now. It's a simple case of authorial railroading that's gotten the story off track."

"What do you mean?" Percy Weasley asked from where he sat, mostly ignored ever since the discussion had grown serious.

Ron shook his head. "You really don't want to know, Perce. When things like this happen…it's horrible. And I'm just talking about the explanation!"

Hermione waved away Ron's objection. "What it means is that the author was looking for some reason to send Dolores Umbridge to Hogwarts, but couldn't find a logical reason to do so." Hermione quickly conjured a black board and chalk and began diagramming the situation, drawing a straight line across it. "This is the original timeline, how things went in the original story."

"Timeline?"

"Story?"

Hermione drew a dot about halfway down the line. "In the original timeline Barty Crouch Jr. succeeded in getting Harry to Voldemort alone, well nearly so, and Voldemort's return was not witnessed by anyone other than Harry. Lucius Malfoy managed to convince the Minister that Harry was lying at Dumbledore's suggestion, out of a desire to take the position of Minister for Magic, or some such nonsense," another dot, "and he sent Dolores Umbridge as the DADA professor and later high inquisitor."

"Now see here, I would never—"

Hermione cut Cornelius Fudge's protest off with flick of her wand, silencing the man. Then she drew another dot, this one only one third the way down the timeline, from which she drew another line that split off from the main line for a bit, before turning parallel to it.

"This is our timeline. Or, at least it was," Hermione said with a frown. "At this point, back at the beginning of third year, you became a seer," this Hermione said making air quotes around the word, "and Harry gained important insight into the mechanics of this alternate universe. This radically changed a number of events, but time still flows roughly parallel to the original time line and thus will have parallel events."

Hermione drew several dots at the same spots on the divergent lines, tying them together at various points. "Sirius's escape from Azkaban, the Tri-Wizard Tournament, Voldemort's plan to return. But here, at this point," she says, emphasizing the last event, "things go significantly differently, widening the gap between the two timelines. Because Harry was different, Voldemort did not manage to get his blood and his return was met with massive resistance," here, Hermione drew different colored on the new timeline. "Because of this, there is no Lucius Malfoy interference. There's frankly no reason for the Minister to believe that Dumbledore is trying to take his position or not want Hogwarts students well trained for the upcoming conflict."

"I get the timeline differences," Ron said frowning as he looked over the diagram. "That's why I called you. Something is funny about this whole setup."

Hermione nodded in understanding. "You see, it's about fan service. The fans love to watch certain antagonists get what's coming to them. That's why Draco Malfoy gave birth to a house elf…"

"He what?" Ron said with a wide grin on his face. "I don't remember that!"

"That's because it happened in an omake," Hermione explained. Hermione went back down the divergent line and drew a dot from which she drew a short segment capped with an empty dot. "For us, that didn't actually happen."

"I shouldn't have asked," Ron said, putting his hands to his head. "I never understand this part."

"That's because you are just a seer, not a fourth wall observer like I am," Hermione said with a superior smile. "Anyway, the whole point of this was to arrange for Fudge and Umbridge to enter the narrative, cause a nuisance for Harry, and get an epic comeuppance that would be very cathartic for readers of the series. Umbridge especially is hated and the worse things are that happen to her, the more pleased the audience is."

"That's preposterous!" Percy pompously proclaimed.

Hermione rolled her eyes. "Percy, the whole reason you are even included in this scene is because everyone finds you to be a stuffed shirt prat and they like it when the superiors who you shamelessly brown-nose forget your name. That's even true in the original timeline."

Then Hermione sighed and drew another divergent line, "Unfortunately, the author simply couldn't justify these events and so turned this entire scene into an omake as well."

At this Fudge bristled, the spell silencing him conveniently wearing off. "What a load of poppycock! Even if what you said were somehow true, it would mean that our lives are solely for the amusement of this 'audience' you speak of."

Hermione smirked. "Dear Minister, of course it is. But think of it this way: if not for the audience, we wouldn't exist at all. Which is why I'm turning you into a ferret and Umbridge into a toad."

Two human transformations and a pair of bouncing animals later, the chapter ended.