Chapter 69: The Problem
Claude took longer than he needed in town. He felt that he should put some time between that awkward conversation with Esmeralda and whatever awkwardness would come next, so he killed some time by taking Geoffrey for a stroll and talking to him.
"Your master is a fool." Claude complained to the horse. "No matter what I try with Esmeralda, I always seem to upset her in the end."
He wondered if it was even possible to stop upsetting her, since his mere existence was probably an issue in itself. He apparently troubled her even when he wasn't around. That was why she'd returned, because she couldn't stop thinking of him. Because she needed him...
Claude wasn't sure how to best meet Esmeralda's needs right now, but he would have to try.
He finally stopped to buy some strawberries. Claude remembered past times when he'd purchased these, bringing them to Quasimodo as a treat. It occurred to Claude that he could stop by the church while he was out. It was nearby, and he knew that he was no longer in danger of being strangled if he ventured into the belltower.
That in mind, Claude bought a second portion of strawberries.
"I can't believe it..." Elaine said in disbelief.
"Neither could I." Quasimodo sighed.
"But you were right, it all makes sense. Oh my..."
Elaine found herself understanding everything. She saw how insanity-inducing fear could lead one to the sort of deranged worldview that Judge Claude Frollo was previously known for.
"I really wish I knew sooner." Quasimodo said regretfully. "But I'm glad I know now. Everything is better! Maybe... we can actually be friends."
A deep voice could be heard from the other side of the tower.
"I'd certainly like that."
Quasimodo and Elaine quickly noticed an approaching Claude Frollo, an unexpected visitor.
"Oh!" Quasimodo blurted out. "I didn't know you were coming!"
"I was just buying strawberries," Claude explained. "and thought you might like some."
"Oh, great!" Quasimodo said gladly. "I haven't had strawberries in ages!"
Claude handed over the berries.
"I hope you don't mind me dropping in like this."
"Not at all. It's nice to see you."
Claude decided it wouldn't be unreasonable at this point to ask if he and Quasimodo could see more of each other.
"I need to get back to Esmeralda." He informed. "But I was wondering if you'd like me to start coming by here again."
It felt awkward to ask, both because of the reason he'd stopped coming in the first place and because part of him was still getting over the persistent feeling of shame. But despite everything that made him uncomfortable, Claude was eager to start a friendly relationship with Quasimodo. He'd missed out on that for far too long.
Naturally, Quasimodo wanted that too. He was all too happy that the adoptive father he'd always loved had come to love him back.
"I'd love that." The bell ringer replied. "We should really continue my reading lessons!"
Claude smiled.
"Indeed." He agreed. "Enjoy the berries."
"I will. Thank you!"
"And let me know if there is anything else you want."
Quasimodo nodded.
"I'll see you out." Elaine piped up. "I need to go back downstairs. I'll see you tonight, Quasi!"
"See you later!" Quasimodo promised.
He looked at Claude and added, "You too."
Claude nodded and started down the stairs with Elaine.
"I want to thank you." Elaine mentioned in the middle of the staircase.
"For what?" Claude asked.
"For... Letting me hear your story."
Claude frowned. It was uncomfortable to know that yet another person was in on his secrets, but he told himself not to think so much about it. Elaine wouldn't change her view of him that easily. She'd never started to treat him differently, not even after learning about his past reign of terror. Not even after seeing him break down over Esmeralda and cleaning the blood from his scarred body. He shouldn't worry about what Elaine thought of him.
"You deserved it." Claude said honestly. "I was sorry for leaving you so confused."
"That was nothing." Elaine assured. "But I do appreciate being able to understand. So does Quasimodo."
Claude nodded weakly.
Elaine decided to change the subject to make him more comfortable.
"How is Esmeralda doing?" She asked.
"She's recovering, thankfully." Claude replied. "But she's in pain. And... Unfortunately torn over me."
"Torn? Why?"
"I'm afraid she still hasn't forgiven me for everything."
"But how can that be? She loves you so much!"
"Nevertheless, the things I've done to her are not easy to forgive."
Elaine understood as she thought about what she'd been told. A burning city and a coerced marriage... It wasn't surprising that Esmeralda wasn't over it. Still, there must be a way for that to be resolved. There had to be a way when there was love.
"But she wants to forgive you, doesn't she?" Elaine asked. "She must want to if she loves you."
"I know she does." Claude admitted. "But she hasn't been able to."
"Could there be a way for you to make it easier?"
Claude started to ponder that. Maybe there was something he could do to make forgiveness possible.
Esmeralda and Claude shared the strawberries. They were delicious. For Esmeralda, they were nostalgic. She was brought back to times in her childhood when she enjoyed this fruit. And of course, Clopin's surprise was an easy moment to remember. Clopin himself was a bittersweet thought. Esmeralda missed him.
After they finished the strawberries, Claude briefly left the room and came back with Esmeralda's washed and mended clothes, which he laid on the empty side of the bed.
"I'm surprised all that blood came out." Esmeralda remarked.
"This is the Palace of Justice." Claude reminded. "Even the laundry maids are the most skilled at their work!"
"Do you mean to tell me you didn't do this yourself?" Esmeralda joked. "I'm disappointed!"
Claude chuckled.
"I do wish I could have done that for you, given that you did it for me once. Unfortunately, the University of Paris did not teach washing and sewing when I was attending."
"Unbelievable! You should be ashamed!"
They both laughed. It was a relief to enjoy a moment of humor at a time like this. Claude knew Esmeralda was in pain, so he was happy to see her in a good mood, if only for a moment.
Their eyes met as they stopped laughing. Silence quickly overtook them. The mood of that morning's conversation returned, creating another awkward situation.
Claude sighed. He supposed there was no better time than now to bring up the problem at hand.
"I'm concerned about something." He said solemnly.
"What is it?" Esmeralda asked.
"You're troubled because of me." Claude acknowledged. "I've tried to help with that, but I want to know if there is anything else I can do."
Esmeralda stared at Claude blankly. Her struggle was more obvious than she wanted it to be. Of course it was, there was no other explanation for the fact that she and Claude were in love but still not together.
She closed her eyes with a sigh.
"I'm sorry..."
"Don't apologize." Claude begged. "I'm not upset with you. I just want to make things better..."
He laid his hand on Esmeralda's. The touch prompted her to look into his eyes again.
"Has anything changed," Claude asked. "since we last spoke about this?"
Esmeralda thought about it and realized that some things had changed. The events of the last few days had all but erased every thought she had of the monster judge. Claude had saved her life, cared for her, reconciled with Quasimodo, and finished rebuilding the houses he'd burned. It was hard to think badly of him after that. Even when it came to the fact that he'd forced her to marry him, Esmeralda didn't resent him because she knew that this marriage would be over in a moment if she asked. Claude didn't behave as if it was a real marriage, anyway. He'd done everything possible to make things right.
And yet, not everything had changed.
Esmeralda looked at Claude sadly.
"A lot has changed." She informed. "I forgive you for the fires. And for being so awful to Quasimodo. And the marriage. And everything else you put me through..."
The lack of reassurance in those words concerned Claude.
"What hasn't changed?" He asked.
Esmeralda felt tears well in her eyes as she blinked.
"Clopin gave me strawberries when my aunt died." She shared. "Strawberries always make me think of him..."
A tear started to roll out of her eye.
"I miss him." She continued. "I miss my brother. And my friends... You oppressed my people and took me from them. That's what I'm not over. You've made things right in every other way, but not this..."
Claude easily understood. There was one problem he hadn't managed to fix, though he'd tried. Esmeralda was able to forgive him for other things due to his efforts to correct the damage he'd caused. But this was different. This was something that still caused her pain...
"Esmeralda..." Claude started.
"Claude, don't." Esmeralda interrupted. "You don't need to say anything, and you don't need to do anything. I know you're sorry, and I know you're doing what you can. I love you and I wish I was over this. I wish we could be together. But... We just can't..."
Claude eyed her sorrowfully.
"I understand..." He told her.
He did understand. He understood this completely, and it crushed him.
Claude gave Esmeralda space for the rest of the day. She needed it.
It was heartbreaking that one last barrier existed between her and forgiveness. And of them all, this was the hardest to break. Claude was beginning to question if he was even capable of breaking it, but only time would tell.
He struggled to sleep that night. Claude hated unsolvable problems. Hopefully this one was only temporarily unsolvable, but he couldn't count on that right now. He couldn't sleep with this in mind. It was too upsetting.
But Claude's upsetting thoughts were interrupted by something worse: Screams.
From across the palace, he could barely detect the sound of someone screaming. Esmeralda!
Claude quickly got up and raced to her. He found her in a frightening state, tossing and turning in obvious agony, hand clasped over the wounded area of her body.
"Esmeralda!" Claude gasped, rushing to her side.
He touched her shoulder with concern. Esmeralda looked at him through eyes flooded with tears.
"Claude..." She barely managed. "I... It's okay..."
"No, it's not!" Claude disagreed.
"I'm fine..."
"You're in pain!"
"I'm fine... I... AAGH!"
The faded weakness had been replaced with extra pain. The wound was beginning to hurt as much as a stab wound seemingly ought to.
"What can I do?" Claude pleaded desperately. "Tell me!"
His help became irresistible. Esmeralda gave in.
"Hold me..." She begged.
She spent the next hour sitting on Claude's lap, fiercely clinging to him. He was soaked with her tears, but he didn't mind. Claude held her securely, caressing her back through the tunic of his she was clothed in.
Esmeralda couldn't have pictured herself in this position with anyone else. She wouldn't have allowed anyone else to hold her this way while she wore so little. She wouldn't have let most people see her in this vulnerable state at all, being the proud person she was.
It made her feel bad for declining more than friendship with this man. How could she trust someone this much, love someone this much, and make such a choice? Even if it was the right choice, she couldn't help feeling guilt for it.
Claude knew what she was thinking. He'd known it from the moment she claimed to be fine.
"You don't need to earn this, Esmeralda." He whispered as she cried. "I'll always be your friend."
Her sobs spiked after Claude spoke.
"Thank you..." Esmeralda managed.
Claude shed a few tears as he felt hers cover him.