Hiya everyone 😊 I'm lauren nice to meet you all. It's so crazy to be back writing fanfiction again as an adult compared to the young teen I was.

I wanted to slowly get back into writing again and thought where else better to start than where my love for fanfiction started.

I hope you all like this first chapter of what I'm hoping to be a multi-chapter story.

The story is rated M for further chapters referencing adult themes such as sexual references, domestic abuse and violence. Despite such dark themes I'm hoping this fic will be able to bring a little brightness as we dive straight back into the 'Reddie' fandom.

Thank you for taking the time to read, I really hope you enjoy this first chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it 😊 please feel free to leave a review I love hearing peoples feedback and will do my best to reply to everyone.

Thankyou

Lauren

it wasn't very often Rachel Mason felt out of control, perhaps when she stood Infront of her whole school as a man who had blackmailed her, ruined her image and years worth of reputation, with one very small sentence.

Possibly when she guided a young, vulnerable 11-year-old child out of her school doors, gun trembling in his hands; forced to carry it by his violent older brother who had arrived at her school less than 6 hours earlier.

And maybe just maybe when her school was being taken over by a bully, who slammed children into filing cabinets and went against her to the whole school board.

However, Rachel Mason always had a way, always made sure that the situation was taken care off, that in those split seconds where she spiralled out of control, she very quickly pulled herself back together again, she regained her composure and went about damage control. Calming and sorting situations wherever she needed to. Holding her head high and smiling in adversity.

So why was it in this one situation, this one position she had secretly prayed to be in for 5 years that she couldn't control herself. Her breath caught in her throat; her eyes made a beeline for the tall figure sitting 6 feet away from her. How was this even possible?! It wasn't like she was anywhere near close to home, she was in Cardiff for goodness' sake!

She'd worked so hard to get back to this point, had spent many long hours getting herself back into the zone, ready to step back into the whirlwind that was secondary school teaching and just as she thought that she was there, her world falls apart all over again.

Pulling her eyes away and forcing her attention back to the front of the room where a monotone man is giving a seminar on keeping children in education. Rachel closed her eyes for a second, it was like she could sense him, her whole body was aware, her nostrils filled with a smell she would recognise anywhere. The soft scent of soap and aftershave gently dancing around each other. Maybe only she could smell it, maybe her body instinctively knew before she even saw him that she would be drawn in his direction.

'For goodness' sake Rachel! Pull yourself together' she thought to herself opening her eyes, trying one last time to gain some type of control. She could feel her palms begin to sweat around the brochure in her hands. 'This is ridiculous, how old are you?'

She couldn't believe it! Of all the times she had been able to keep her composure, to stand tall, manage every situation, this had to be her downfall?! Sitting in an education conference, with the most boring speaker she had ever heard, trying her hardest to ignore the fact that Eddie Lawson was sat just over an arm's length away.

She wasn't too sure what happened in the conference after that or even how long it went on for, she faintly remembers a discussion about providing vocational courses to all students, however Rachel's main focus during the rest of this very expensive, highly rated, extremely dull conference was to keep her eyes forward, to ignore how her body ached to look at him, to reach over and touch his hand that rested on the chair between them.

But she couldn't. She couldn't fight it; it was like her body physically hurt being so close to him yet so far away. Noticing the speaker had finally finished talking and the guests were leaving, Rachel bent down to pick up her bag laying at her feet, tucking the wad of paper that was now crinkled and wet at the edges inside, she slowly raised her eyes to get one last glimpse of him, watching him stuff his papers into his bag and shrug his jacket over his shoulders.

She had to leave, she had to get out, she couldn't do this, it was all too much. Her life had moved on since then, she wasn't the same person she was before; a lot had changed. Standing quickly Rachel turned to take a step out of the row of chairs now not so neatly lined up after numerous people had bumped into them most probably just as happy to leave as she was. If only her biggest worry right now was the same as the others; to get out of this mind-numbing room and into the reception area to drink copious abouts of alcohol before heading up to her bank breaking hotel room to sleep it off before starting all over again the next morning.

She didn't know if she could be there for that long. Spending the next 24 hours in the same hotel, the same conference room, dining room as the man she let go and not feel like her life was being tore apart all over again. It was all too much.

No, she was losing control, she had to go.

"Rachel"

There it was, the one thing she did not want to hear. Her name; his voice. The mixture of the two flooded her ears and for a second it made her stop, made her stand still. Her eyes fluttered shut again as the voice got closer. She didn't want to turn around, didn't want to have to face him, to look him in the eye and exchange pleasantries, tell him she was happy, just for him to know straight away she was not.

But how could she not, how could she not turn back to the man who, even if it was too short lived had made her the happiest she had ever been. Her life with Eddie was perfect, she had everything she wanted, the school she had worked hard for, the man who had so gently and so softly broke down her walls, loving her whole heartedly for the woman she was, the young woman with a rocky past led astray by older men, the terrified teacher willing to leave her job to save the reputation of a place she had poured her heart and soul into, the woman who despite everything came back day after day, fighting for what she believed in, wrestling against everyone who came against her and her dreams for her pupils. She even had her nephew Philip staying with her for a while, a proper makeshift little family, one she not so much as built but fell into. One that was so quickly and so harshly snatched away from her that her breath still caught, and her heart still sank a little every time she was reminded of her bittersweet past with the man she wanted to spend the rest of her life with.

She could feel him now, feel his fingers brush against the sleeve of her jacket as he finally got close to her. Slowly turning around Rachel finally allowed her eyes to meet with the one man she never thought she would see again.

"Eddie". Rachel whispered, so quietly it could barely be heard but loud enough for both to feel the effects their names still have on each other.