Re: Zero - Hoo Hoo
A boy named Natsuki Subaru rubbed his pink, puffy eyes.
See, recently, he had been pepper-sprayed.
Unfortunately, they were out of pepper spray, so they to had grind pepper into his eye instead.
"Uah... Uah..."
Subaru slowly opened his eyes, realizing the night sky was now the day sky.
"Uah... What happened?"
All around Subaru were people, but of not human qualities.
"It seems... Shit... I've been summoned... Ugh... To another world... Fuck..."
Chapter 1: The tears that fall, are the tears you don't wipe
With his eyes all better, Subaru took a walk around this mysterious place.
"This place is awesome! I can't read anything, but it's still awesome."
After the author scratched his elbow, Subaru couldn't help but notice a stand. Among stands.
"Hello, how much is this apple?"
"Ah-pull? What the hell are you on about? Even those from Kararagi can pronounce appa. But to answer your question, it's a solid five."
Subaru pulled out his yen, counting them one by one.
"Is this good, sir?"
The man grabbed the coins, counting them one by one.
"What the fuck is this? Get out of here!"
The man threw the coins at Subaru, who then picked up his coins and walked away.
"Man, this place is rough. It's like living in the... Mid-evil era..."
Subaru stepped into the alley, taking off his iconic N jacket and fanning himself.
"Boy, it sure is hot out here. Maybe I'll cool off in this shade."
Suddenly, Subaru saw three people approaching him.
"Well, well, well, what have we here?"
One of them said.
"Well, well, well, what DO we have here?"
One of them said.
"Well, well, well, what have we we have have we have we do do here?"
One of them said.
"Shit, this doesn't look good."
Subaru tied his jacket's sleeves together around his waist, tying his jacket's sleeves together around his waist.
"Look, I don't have a lot, so how about we settle this peacefully, alright?"
The three thugs looked at each other, pondering the teenager's words.
"You know what? Sure."
Subaru punched the fuck out of the big one.
"Woah, what the hell?!"
Subaru then kicked the short one's head, knocking him to the building's wall.
"Alright, that does it, asshole!"
The blue-haired one unsheathed his dual blades, spinning them before gripping them tight.
Subaru then prostrated himself before the last one standing, apologizing profusely.
"Look man, I thought you guys were just trying to trick me, I got scared, plus you guys look scary, so you looked dishonest and it's not really my fault and-"
After not hearing a single apology, the blue-haired one kicked Subaru's noggin', knocking him onto his sides.
"Duahhh! Fuck! That hurt..."
The big one got up from the ground.
"I hope it hurts."
The short one used the wall to bring himself up.
"Yeah, how do you like it? Getting kick hurts, don't it?"
The three thugs gathered around the curled up Subaru and began stomping on him.
"Ohhh fuck!"
Subaru screamed.
"Yeah, take it!"
The big one yelled.
"You like that, bitch?"
The blue-haired one shouted.
"Yeah, take it deep!"
The short one shouted.
"Oh, thank god, it's just someone getting beat up."
A feminine yet girly voice rose amidst the gang beating.
Despite her female appearance, the blonde girl was actually a chick.
"Are you the one who summoned me?"
Despite his black, swollen eyes, Subaru could see the blonde girl clear as day.
"What? I don't know what you're talking about. Sorry about your situation, pal."
The girl ran with great speed, using her momentum to jump on a plank sticking out of window, jumping off the plank to hop over the four people.
"Live strong, okay?"
The blonde girl then ran off, leaving only dust and disappointment.
"Ah... Doesn't seeing something like that just really turn you off?"
Subaru asked a question that would surely soothe boiling milk.
"Actually, all that did was turn me-"
"Stop! Villains! Stop!"
The three thugs looked up at the woman who shouted.
Subaru looked up, seeing the most baffling sight.
Her voice was the most heavenly thing one could think of in terms of voice goodness.
Upon seeing the source, however, was a great mismatch.
Beautiful, silver hair, flowing down behind her and down her shoulders.
Her amethyst eyes more of a gem than a amethyst.
The green crystal was so sexy.
Then you had her dress, an elegant, yet daring outfit that fitted only this one woman across any world.
"I know one of you stole what belongs to me, so hand it over!"
The four looked at each other, confused.
"Uh... We didn't steal anything! As a matter of fact, someone just passed by us! A girl! Blonde hair!"
"Hm... Now that you mention it, none of you look nothing like that young girl who stole what is important to me. Alright."
The silver-haired girl ran past the four, a sigh of relief escaping the three thugs.
"As much as I wanna thank you, I can't overlook what's happening here."
The silver-haired girl then turned around, lifting her palm at the thugs. Around her arms were floating green crystals.
One by one, each crystal hit their mark, knocking the thugs down.
"Ugh...! What the hell...? You bitch, just because you have magic, doesn't mean we won't fight back!"
"Yeah, it's three against one, you... You bitch!"
Emilia dropped her arm to her side, lifting the other arm in front of her.
"Darn... Looks like I owe you five big ones."
"See? I told you they'd call you bitch!"
Suddenly, a grey cat appeared, floating just above the palm of the silver-haired woman.
"What the?! You're a spirits arts user?!"
"That's right, if you leave-"
"RUN!"
The three thugs scattered like cockroaches in the kitchen.
Subaru slowly stood up, his legs wobbling like a sheet of that wobbling sound.
"Ugh... Oh, thank you."
"Hold it right there!"
Subaru froze, her words sharp.
The girl looked at his eyes, making him avert his eyes.
"Aha! So you're the blonde girl who stole what is currently important to me at the present! It was a disguise all along!"
"What? No, I just..."
"I don't think he would pull off a disguise like that, Lia. There's no way he'd dress like a girl."
"I guess you're right, Puck."
"Oh, so your names are Lia and Puck?"
"Actually, Lia's just a nickname for her, her name's-"
"Puck! I can introduce myself!"
The girl inhaled a long breath before exhaling.
"My name is... Wait! I shouldn't be fooling around! I have to find that thief if you're not her!"
The girl began to ran off.
"Wait! I can help!"
The girl looked back at Subaru, his body and clothes covered in dust and dirt, his eyes swollen beyond belief.
"I don't think you can. In fact, I think you need help more than I do. So rest."
"Rest? Where?"
Emilia punched the fuck out of Subaru.
"Puck, catch him!"
Subaru landed face first hard on the cold, dusty ground, making him groan in pain.
"Puck!"
"I'm sorry, Lia, you just caught me off guard. Why did you punch him, anyway?"
"I was trying to knock him out, but..."
Emilia and Puck looked down, a writhing Subaru on the ground.
"Argh... Argh... Argh..."
Next time on Hoo Hoo! Chapter 2: So who do we blame besides the thief who stole what was important?
AN
Hello, I hope you liked reading this. I haven't written for Re: Zero in a long time, except for another story but that's unrelated to Re: Zero. I've been busy, doing nothing of importance really. So why not write some fanfiction? The thing was, I couldn't just get straight into it, so I decided to write Hoo Hoo. Re: Zero - Hoo Hoo is obviously a parody of Re: Zero. Whenever I write, I always seem to write the characters OOC, you know, not like their true selves in the books and anime? I hope to get a better understanding of the characters one day, because I have too many ideas I wanna write for this story in particular. I can't wait for season 3, and I ESPECIALLY can't wait to hear the Sin Archbishops themes from the anime!