I feel I should make a premise: I am in no way trying to get close to Lex and become friends with him. What I'm about to discuss is just something I've been thinking about since yesterday, and since I know Ayla would tell me to drop it, that I didn't do anything wrong, and I don't want to disturb Rae, who continues to be particularly committed to forming a stable relation with those at the top, you are the only one available. Therefore, don't misunderstand my intentions. They are only of knowledge and understanding.

I have the impression that I have made a huge mistake, but I cannot understand what it is.

A couple of months ago, I entered the library with the desire to spend some time alone. It was quite late, and I didn't expect anyone else to be there, but there was Lex and someone I couldn't identify. They were having a fairly quiet conversation and, in those few seconds, as I advanced to head to the back of the room, I happened to hear 'car accident' and 'in the other orphanage' being uttered by Lex. I left immediately afterwards, quietly, and tried to forget the event.

Obviously, I wondered what it meant and arrived at the only possible explanation: his family was in a car accident and since he is here, it means they are dead.

I confirmed that this is the reality, but the way I did it was by asking him why he kept talking about his parents in the present tense, as if they were alive, which revealed that I had known for a long time and, if he didn't tell me, it meant that I was listening to a private conversation of his, which obviously paints me as someone who doesn't respect other people's space and who meddles in matters that don't concern her.

This is certainly not a positive impression.

However, it was not intentional. It is not even eavesdropping in the true sense of the word. I didn't get a chance to tell him, because the conversation died down after I asked him that question, and we were interrupted by L continuing to annoy Ayla.

I had the impulse today to say something to him about it, for example that I was sorry I had heard that and I shouldn't have, even though it wasn't in my control, but it seemed to me that he was avoiding me, because, even when we passed each other, as I was coming out of the bathroom and he was walking in front of it, he gave me a quick look and then immediately lowered it, also quickening his pace.

I did something so... Evil? I don't even think it's one of my most reprehensible behaviours. He doesn't know about the accident and many other things, that's true, but I sprained his ankle. I guess eavesdropping could be considered a lower level on this imaginary scale of all the things I have done that are not good.

The only things that I would consider as aggravating variables are the fact that it concerns his past – information that should only be known in case the person themselves decide to tell me – and his parents, because certainly some people find themselves emotionally attached to such figures in their lives.

I would like to write him a letter, since talking to him seems impossible, in which I apologise and that is why I wonder what I should apologise for. Eavesdropping on something concerning him or just eavesdropping? The problem is that, as already mentioned, this is not actually the case; hence, I would ask forgiveness for something I do not feel remorse for, and it might not be genuine.

You may wonder why I don't apologise for everything and it's because, even if I try to calibrate the number of words for each reason, the extra bit might seem like a way of deflecting attention from the problem at the heart of the matter; therefore, perhaps it would be seen as a way of not taking responsibility for my actions.

I want to get it right and actually understand what I did wrong before I write the letter.

I noticed that Rae was sitting next to Lex on the ninth, and although it doesn't mean they've started the process of creating a friendship, I thought I'd ask her for this favour, as I wouldn't have anyone else that close to him.

I certainly don't want to talk to Faust or L, who would be next on the list, for obvious reasons: Faust is obnoxious, and L would ask me for a favour in return. I have to avoid at all costs entering into such a relationship with L, because he might, first of all, think that I have started to consider him a part of Wammy's House or someone fundamental. Then, it would feed his boundless ego and need to feel essential. And finally, I'm sure L's favours are designed to humiliate me or further restrict my already limited field of action.

This situation makes me realise that I do not have a stable and extensive enough network within the orphanage. I never imagined that it would be bad, but, perhaps, I should cultivate more friendships, even shallower ones, with the people around me. This state of superficial acquaintance doesn't allow me to interact with many and, whilst in this case it's only about figuring out what really hurt Lex, it could become a major weakness of mine. Especially since L has the upper hand in this area. He may not have a close relation with them, but they are in his dependence and, if he were ever caught doing something inappropriate, he could either convince them or simply ask them not to say anything. On the other hand, I would have to threaten them, which only brings benefits in the short run and a long trail of probable liabilities in the long run.

Therefore, I either involve Rae or create this network within Wammy's House, which I can then ask for help. The only problem is that it could take me years, which I don't have, as I need to act fairly quickly so that Lex doesn't think I haven't realised my mistake.

"Found it!" Ayla suddenly exclaimed and I looked at her as she pulled herself up.

She showed me the orange knitted cap with ear flaps and two long strings, which had the appearance of a fox, complete with ears and a tail.

I had hoped in vain that it had been lost. Not forever, since it remained one of her favourite items of clothing, but for the time being, until L's 'problem' was solved, which would have been a couple of weeks.

"Are you sure?" I asked her, putting Mazzaroth away, under my pillow.

"Well, yes. It's my fault after all." She shifted her eyes to me, noticing my expression of total disagreement. "Don't look at me like that! You still don't believe me, but it's true!"

"No. I believe you, because that is something you would do. I just think he deserved it."

Ayla seemed to ponder my words, which revealed a small crack I could have slipped into.

"What's more, that's your favourite hat. What will you do in case he ruins it?"

"I'll ask him to convince Watari to buy me the orange witch dress." She replied, pointing to the piece of magazine she had cut out and glued to the headboard of the bed. "This time I'll have to be happy with the one Deeva wore last year."

"The purple one?"

"The purple one!" She huffed, approaching the door and opening it. "But I don't want to think about now. I have to give this hat to L so he forgives me."

"I'm coming too." I jumped out of bed and followed her.

Not because I intended to stop her, but I wanted to establish whether that cut looked better on me than on him. Ayla had complimented my clean-shaven head but had not uttered a single word about L and the anti-justice had refused to leave his room. I therefore hadn't had a chance to decide, although I was already inclined to believe that Ayla preferred me.

My best friend knocked and, as soon as L opened the door, she bowed, handing him her hat.

"Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry..." She began to say rapidly.

L cast first Ayla and then me a confused look, but I was more so than he was, because he was already wearing something to hide his new and involuntary cut. He was wearing a dark blue cap, which looked strangely familiar.

Had Watari bought it for him from the same shop? It was absurd to think, since it was many kilometres away and he hadn't strayed far from the establishment, as far as I could tell.

"Sorry, I shouldn't have touched the razor." Ayla continued, finally pulling herself upright. "Oh! You've already..." She pointed to his head.

However, L decided to accept the new garment and took it in his hands. "It has a tail?"

"It has a tail!" Ayla repeated enthusiastically, probably happy that L liked it rather than that decoration itself, which she had seen many times before.

I waited for L to take off his cap, so that I could have my answer, but he kept discussing the various details with Ayla and the more I looked at it, the more a strange feeling assailed me, which led me to take a few steps backwards until I returned to the front of my room.

I laid my gaze on the back of my bed which, theoretically, should have had a dark blue cap dangling from the right corner, but, when I hadn't seen it after breakfast, I had thought they must have taken it to be washed. I realised, at that moment, that it had been a hasty assumption on my part since I only wore it on sunny days and there hadn't been any in the last month.

I returned to look at L who, at that moment, was holding the Velcro strap of the cap between his teeth and placing Ayla's hat on his head. From my position and in that inclination, I had confirmation of what I feared.

"That's mine, you larcenist!" I shouted and they both turned to look at me.

L took it out of his teeth as I quickly approached him. "Oh, yeah. I've never seen it on you, so I thought you didn't need it."

"Give it back." I snatched it from his hands.

"I didn't think you'd notice so soon, but never mind." He said, grabbing the strings. "This one is much better. It has a tail. If anyone bothers me..." He took a short pause in which he kept his gaze fixed on me. "I know what to do."

Was he underestimating my ability to hurt him? Did he realise that I could simply attack any other part of his body? I could enact what I had caused Lex no problem, because that tail didn't even go past the middle of his back. Or did he mean that he would take it off and use it as an actual weapon?

I decided not to respond to his provocations, only because Ayla was present and I didn't want her to force me to apologise to him, should I find myself responding appropriately, but considered to be excessive by her.

I glanced down at my cap, and it was at that moment that I noticed the real insult I had suffered.

The letter 'E', which Watari had cared to embroider on the back, had become an 'L' through the use of a black indelible marker.

The gesture did not bother me so much, as it had lost its original meaning, since it was linked to a name that I had incorrectly believed began with the letter 'E', but I had to seize the opportunity and, therefore, went downstairs, ignoring Ayla who was trying to get my attention.

Before entering Watari's office, I took a deep breath and opened the door abruptly, because knocking would have made him think it wasn't important.

I noticed that he was talking on the phone and, as close as that was to stopping me from going ahead with that plan, I decided to continue anyway.

"You said he wouldn't be a problem."

"Sorry, Ime, I have to go... I'll call you back later." He said goodbye and put down the phone handset. "You should knock."

"You said he wouldn't be a problem." I repeated, as he didn't seem to have heard me, and moved closer so he could see the crime he was guilty of. "He sneaked into my room, and he ruined my cap."

I held it out to him, and he examined it closely.

"L told me you sneaked into his room and ruined a floppy disk." He said, taking off his glasses and looking at me.

Had he told him? Was he reporting everything I said and did to the owner? Was he so obsessed with me, to the point of badmouthing me to Watari?

"It fell out of my hands, and it broke itself." I lied uselessly. "I am growing rapidly."

"Ethelinda..." His tone of voice clearly indicated that there was nothing to be done and that he would not indulge me for a single second.

I took my cap back.

"It's true, though..." I whispered.

In the previous two years, I had recovered not only in weight, but also in height. It wasn't something in my control, but it was something I was proud of, even though the doctor had already confirmed that a recovery was likely, since, according to him, I didn't seem to have suffered a growth arrest in the first two years of my life.

His statement had left me perplexed because, even though I did not remember much, it appeared to be far-fetched and I had asked him for real evidence to support it, as well as further tests to ascertain this for myself. He had only shown me the data he had collected on my physical health and told me that to verify it for myself, I would have to wait.

He had not been wrong and, in the first few months at Wammy's, Ayla, Rae and I had been marking our heights on the door frame until the cleaning staff had reported to Watari that we were writing 'on the walls'. Watari had not been angry, but had asked us to stop anyway.

However, our height kept increasing and we had to find a new suitable place, where rarely anyone entered, which turned out to be the room also used as a second storage space on the first floor, next to Watari's bedroom.

"Yes, I can see that." He smiled at me. "I am proud of you, Ethelinda."

At those words, I couldn't stop an expression of happiness from presenting itself on my face, and everything he had been doing for the past month, including bringing L to the orphanage, seemed to crumble and fly away, pushed by a slight breeze.

I said goodbye to him and walked out of his office, where Ayla was waiting for me, still feeling that pleasant, warm sensation in the middle of my chest, which not even the new card on my bed, with the letter 'E' on the front erased with a white permanent marker so that it became an 'L' with a curved base and the words 'eye for an eye' on the back, could not eliminate.