SO HERE'S WHAT YOU MISSED ON GLEE…
Emma had a crush on Will, but Will was married, then Will had a crush on Emma, so he got a divorce and kissed her, but now she's dating some dude named Carl.
"He's my dentist." Emma tells Will.
It's a total bummer.
Tina told Artie to take a hike.
"You're a terrible boyfriend." Tina tells Artie while they are in line at the cafeteria.
Then she got the hots for Mike Chang. And now, Artie's obsessed with getting her back.
"I want abs." Artie confesses to Coach Beiste when he and Finn are trying to convince her to join the football team.
So much drama.
There is also this new girl, Roxanne, who joined the New Directions after Rachel chased off this girl, Sunshine, to Vocal Adrenaline.
"I'd sit the fuck down if I were you." Roxanne advises, getting up in Rachel's face.
She is very scary.
AND THAT'S WHAT YOU MISSED ON GLEE!
Before her classes can begin, Roxanne is at her first lesson in Glee club. She has her seat on Mercedes' left behind Brittany.
"All right. Who can tell me who Christopher Cross is?" Will asks his students.
"He discovered America." Brittany answers out loud. Roxanne has an endearing smile on her face. She was kind of thinking that as well.
"Close." Will tells Brittany. "He did write an iconic chart topper, 'Sailing'." he later clarifies.
"I have a bad feeling about this lesson." Kurt tells Mercedes and Roxanne, the two just nodding in agreement.
"Never heard of him. Don't wanna hear about him." Tina agrees.
Will, on the other hand, ignores what his students are thinking. "Some people think of the term 'easy listening' as a bad thing, but I'm gonna let this music speak for itself. You guys love Lady Gaga and the Rolling Stones, and you guys are really good about putting it all out there." he continues, passing out the sheet music.
"But really good music can also be controlled and restrained. It doesn't have to attack an audience. It can let them come to you." he concludes.
"How can you get caught between the moon and New York City? They're, like, 100 miles apart." Finn wonders out loud.
"Mr. Schue, if I may, I think I speak for all of us when I say that it's not that we don't love the idea of spending a week on this silky-smooth adult contemporary. It's just that, as teens, this isn't the easiest music for us to relate to." Kurt points out.
Yeah, so far from what Will is doing, Roxanne's first Glee club meeting leaves much to be desired.
"However, there is a burgeoning Facebook campaign that has swelled to over five members. The ardent demand? That this week, at the fall homecoming assembly, the McKinley High School Glee Club perform a number by…wait for it…Ms. Britney Spears." Kurt offers.
Roxanne cracks a smile. "I'm in."
"Yo, Spears is fierce, yo." Artie chimes in.
While everybody seems to be on board with that idea, Will Schuester thinks otherwise, so he refuses. "No. No. I don't think she's a very good role model."
"But Mr. Schue, we kind of grew up with her." Rachel points out.
"She's literally why I wanted to become a performer." Tina tells him.
Brittany looks solemn. "I don't want to do Britney." she says in a sullen tone.
"Why no Britney, Brittany?" Kurt asks.
"Because my name is also Britney Spears." she says.
Roxanne looks over at Santana for clarification, knowing that the two are very close friends.
"What?" Will asks in confusion.
"What the hell is she talking about?" Mercedes asks, just as perplexed as everyone in the room.
"My middle name is Susan. My last name is Pierce. That makes me Brittany S. Pierce. Brittany Spierce." Brittany tells everyone.
Roxanne just nods in realization, getting where Brittany is going with this.
"I've lived my entire life in Britney Spears' shadow. I will never be as talented or as famous. I hope you'll all respect that I want Glee Club to remain a place where I, Brittany S. Pierce, can escape the torment of Britney Spears." Brittany continues.
"Well, there you have it, guys. It's been decided. No Britney. Sorry." Will concludes.
"Thanks, Britt. Thanks a lot." Kurt pointedly says to Brittany.
"Leave Brittany alone." Santana snarls at Kurt, placing a comforting hand on Brittany's back. "Thank you for understanding. It's been a hard road."
"Um, can we move on?" Rachel asks.
"Yes, let's talk about Michael Bolton." Mr. Schuester replies as he continues to drone on about the assignment.
"Welcome to New Directions, Blue." Mercedes lowly says to Roxanne. Now, Roxanne is debating whether she made the right decision.
During the day, Roxanne was traversing her way through the hallways so she could get to her Biology class. It all happened so quickly. She felt two slushies being thrown into her face.
"Welcome to Glee Club, Lady Smurf!" a loud and obnoxious voice jeered right into her ear as she heard another person laughing.
Roxanne was so focused on the stinging in her eyes that she almost didn't notice that someone was helping her into the girl's bathroom
It was only after she was able to get the slushies off that she saw that it was Kurt and Mercedes were the ones helping her out.
"Thanks." Roxanne tells them with a wry smile.
"Looks like you got the inauguration into Glee club." Kurt tells Roxanne, who now becomes perplexed.
"Wait a minute, that's a recurring thing?" she asks him. "It's something that you get used to." Kurt tells her.
"Come on, tell me that you don't deal with this kind of stuff at Vocal Adrenaline." Mercedes goes on, and all Roxanne can do is stay silent and shake her head.
"If it's a consolation prize, I would take being the New Directions over Vocal Adrenaline. I feel like I can trust most of you." Roxanne admits.
There was an emergency Glee club meeting going on and when Roxanne, Kurt, and Mercedes walked into the choir room, everyone was there, Mr. Schuester was there with Ms. Pillsbury, the guidance counselor, and some man. Roxanne can admit that the unknown man who is standing next to Ms. Pillsbury is very attractive.
Roxanne just sat down as the bell rang. "All right. Here's the deal. You chew this little capsule. If there's any plaque you missed, the dye will stick to it and turn your teeth blue." the man, who is now revealed to be a dentist, instructs.
"Can I just say that you are the hottest dentist I've ever seen?" Santana admits out loud. "I second that." Roxanne chimes in, raising her hand.
"I get that all the time." the dentist tells the two Latinas.
"No. Like, seriously, you can totally drill me whenever–" Santana was about to continue but was cut off by Ms. Pillsbury.
"Santana! Okay. Let's stay focused." Ms. Pillsbury chimes in.
"Rock 'n roll, Ems." the dentist says to Ms. Pillsbury. "And besides, this guy," he continues, pointing over at Mr. Schuester. "Now, this guy's pretty easy on the eyes too, huh?" he adds in. "And you know what? No matter how hard I tried, I bet I couldn't sing and dance like him."
"Ah, probably not." Mr. Schuester brushes off. It's obvious to Roxanne that Mr. Schuester is jealous of the mysterious dentist.
"All right. Let's take a look at those chompers, huh?" the dentist moves on as everyone passes the capsule down.
"Before we chew, I would just like to alert Mr. Schue that there has been a new addition to the Britney Spears Facebook campaign." Kurt announces.
"Sorry, the answer's still no." Mr. Schue disregards Kurt's comment. "Capsules, guys."
Everyone pops in the capsules. "Yes, chew away. Chew, chew." Ms. Pillsbury encourages.
Roxanne pops in the capsule and chews it, cautiously. She then smiled upon instruction, and when she got into her phone camera, her teeth were not blue in the slightest.
Roxanne did hear Finn's startled gasp. She turned to see that Rachel's teeth were as blue as Roxanne's hair.
"Oh, my God." Kurt says out loud. Rachel then got out the pocket mirror to see what was going on.
"I don't understand. I floss between classes." Rachel cries out in horror. "Well, sometimes, it's genetics." the dentist tells Rachel.
"I think I might be better at brushing and flossing if I could see myself in the mirror." Artie points out. "There you go, blue tooth." Santana tells him.
"I don't brush my teeth. I rinse my mouth out with soda after I eat. I'm pretty sure that Dr. Pepper was a dentist." Brittany voices out.
"Oh, honey, no." Roxanne shakes her head while Kurt gags.
Within the following days, Santana and Brittany told her about how they visited the dentist that visited Glee club, whose name is Carl Howell, and how they got the visions about Britney Spears.
"...making Christopher Cross a Golden Globe, Oscar, and five-time Grammy award winner." Mr. Schuester drags on. Brittany then raises her hand.
"I would just like to say that from now on, I demand to have every solo in Glee Club." Brittany announces.
Everyone, but Santana and Roxanne, became perplexed. "When I had my teeth cleaned, I had the most Britney Spears fantasy. I sang and danced better than her. Now I realize what a powerful woman I truly am." Brittany explained.
"I went with her, and I had a Britney fantasy, too." Santana adds in.
"Yeah, I'm still a little confused how you two combined fantasies." Roxanne chimes in. "Yeah, now thinking about it, it doesn't make any sense." Santana agrees with Roxanne's suspicion.
"You see, Mr. Schue? I told you. Britney Spears busted our Britt out of her everyday, fragmented haze of confusion and gave her the confidence to step up and perform." Kurt points out to Mr. Schuester.
"I'm more talented than all of you. I see that clearly now." Brittany adds in. "It's Britney. Bitch."
"Guys, we're not doing Britney Spears, and that's that." Mr. Schuester proclaims.
"Mr. Schue, you are letting your own personal issues get in the way of something that we are all telling you we really want to do. This club regularly pays tribute to pop culture, and Britney Spears is pop culture. To suggest otherwise is heretical." Kurt rants.
"Kurt! I'm done talking about this." Mr. Schuester snaps at Kurt.
"Jeez! Let loose a little, would you? Stop being so fricking uptight all the time!" Kurt snaps back at Mr. Schuester.
Roxanne bites back a smirk. She finds it so hypocritical that Mr. Schuester praises how Glee Club is all about the students, yet when a student is telling him what they want to do, he simply doesn't buy into it.
"Kurt, I'll see you in the principal's office." Mr. Schuester says to him, eerily calmly.
"Fucking hypocrite." Roxanne mumbles under her breath as Kurt leaves the choir room.
The following day in Glee Club, Roxanne noticed that Rachel is dressed up like Britney Spears from the Baby One More Time music video.
"Well, Rachel, congratulations. Normally, you dress like the fantasy of a perverted Japanese businessman with a very dark, specific fetish, but I actually dig this look." Santana comments with a little clap. "Yay."
"I think what Santana's trying to say, Rachel, though I risk expulsion by saying so, is that it seems Britney Spears has really helped you blossom." Kurt hypothesizes. "That's all."
"Wait, Rachel, is that true?" Will asks. "You are sort of dressing differently." he further elaborates.
"Bouncy, bouncy…" Artie was going off, but then immediately gets told off by Finn.
"All I know is that I had a very vivid Britney Spears fantasy at the dentist, and since then, it's made me free to get out of my own way." Rachel admits.
"I think I've just always been afraid to dress like a pretty girl because I've never really felt like one before. Now I realize it's okay to feel that way about yourself every now and then." she continues before turning to Will. "Maybe it's a good thing."
"It's such a good thing, I can't believe it." Brittany agrees with a smile on her face.
"William, a word." Sue Sylvester, the coach of the Cheerios, growls out. Will then promptly leaves the choir room to join up with her.
Within the following morning at Glee club, Artie discloses to the group about how he made it onto the Football team.
"I was pretty sure that Artie's legs don't work." Quinn pipes in. "Did you get a leg transplant?" Brittany asks.
"Nope. My teammates can push my chair like a battering ram." Artie tells the two cheerleaders.
"There's no rules against it. We checked." Finn adds in.
"And I have Britney Spears to thank." Artie tells the group. "You're welcome." Brittany tells him with a smile.
"Britney plus nitrous gave me the amazing idea. And it gave me the nerve to tell Coach Beiste that Finn and I both really want to be on the team." Artie further elaborates.
Apparently, Rachel was caught off-guard about Finn being back on the football team. "Wait. You're back on the football team?" she asks in disbelief.
"Yeah." Finn replies to his girlfriend.
"Suddenly, you're way hotter to me. Weird." Santana comments.
"Wait. I don't get it. How come everyone's having Britney Spears fantasies?" Puck asks.
"From how everyone is telling it, high on aneshtesia." Roxanne theorizes.
"Roxanne's slightly right. The nitrous oxide dentists use is a mild hallucinogen. Studies improve that it induces vivid dreams, often the last thing the patient thinks of. The subconscious moves to the forefront." Artie further explains. "Since we've all been thinking about Britney, it only stands to reason."
"Okay, guys. Listen up." Mr. Schuester announces.
"Mr. Schue, if I may…" Kurt asks, raising his hand.
"Kurt, I overheard what you guys were just talking about, and I know what you're gonna say. The answer is no." Mr. Schuester interrupts. "No, I'm not gonna stand in the way anymore. If you guys want to do Britney at this year's homecoming assembly, I'm fine with it."
The students in the choir room were now excited to do a song by Britney Spears.
Amidst their excitement, Mr. Schuester speaks up. "I know. And more than that, I am going to perform with you."
And that was how Roxanne opted to sit on the bleachers. There was an instinct that was telling her that it was wrong in every ethically way possible.
She sat in the front row, her hand on her chin and she felt someone sit next to her.
"Been a while, hasn't it?" a voice asks. She turns to see Johnny, all decked out in his varsity jacket.
"Hi." she greets Johnny with a smile.
"Thought you would be up there." he insinuates. "Just wait. You'll see." Roxanne tells him.
"Quiet, please, children. Quiet, now." Principal Figgins drones on.
"First, students who ate the ravioli today and are not up to date on their tetanus shots should see the nurse immediately." Principal Figgins begins.
Johnny and Roxanne look at each other with perplexed looks when he said that. "Welcome to our Homecoming Pep Assembly. Because of last week's grisly train derailment, the Dulcimer Club is on hiatus until further notice. But do we ever have a treat for you. Fresh off their last-place finish at the regionals, please give it up for the New Directions." Principal Figgins continues, emotionlessly.
There were a few set of people who applauded, one of them being Roxanne.
(SONG: Toxic by Britney Spears
COVER BY: New Directions [Brittany Pierce, Rachel Berry, Will Schuester, Santana Lopez, Tina Cohen-Chang])
"Wait a minute, that's the coach of the New Directions, right?" Johnny asks Roxanne as they saw Mr. Schuester come out and dance with the students.
"Uh-huh." Roxanne confirms. "If this was my previous Glee club, the coach would've been fired effective immediately."
Roxanne couldn't focus on the performance because of how riled up the crowd was getting, so it was a surprise to her when the fire alarm is got pulled. "Come on." Johnny tells her as he has his arm around her as if he was shielding her.
"Sam, come on!" Johnny yells behind him, with his younger brother following him. The three going in the opposite direction of where all of the other students were going.
After the so-called 'sex riot', Carmen was over by Roxanne's locker when Mr. Schuester came up to her.
"Hey Roxanne, I just want to apologize about me performing with you guys. It was highly inappropriate and you were right to opt out of the performance." Mr. Schuester apologizes.
"Uh, it's fine, I guess." Roxanne mumbles out.
"Just get to class, muñeca (doll)." Carmen advises. As soon as Roxanne walked away, Carmen looks over at Will, sternly.
"Look, Carmen…" Will was about to apologize.
"You ever put my daughter in that predicament again, I will pull her out of that club, got it?" Carmen seethes out as she also storms off.
The only reason why she is willing to let Roxanne still be with the New Directions is because in every way possible, it was a lot less demanding than Vocal Adrenaline.
Carmen already saw her daughter destroy herself when she was in Vocal Adrenaline, she'd be damned if she didn't stop it if it were to happen with the New Directions.
REVIEWS
Alex B. Goode: Here's another attempt at a Glee fic :)