June 2nd, 2013

Of all the ways Nicola imagined being reintroduced to his little cousins, bailing them out was nowhere on the list.

After counting out the money he'd picked up from the bank to confirm he had enough, he walked into the Roadkill County Jail and waved to the man behind the front desk.

"Morning Officer Logan, how's the wife?"

The officer smiled. "Rae? Same as ever. I'm guessing you're here for your dad?"

Nicola passed over the bank envelope. "Yep. Him and his accomplices."

"I'll bring 'em right out for you."

The brunette leaned against the desk, tapping his foot until the familiar face of his father emerged from the double doors leading back to the holding cells.

"Nicky!" Stan greeted joyfully. "I knew you wouldn't leave your old man hangin'!"

A boy in a trucker cap and a girl in a sweater were trailing behind him, both shivering.

"I take back any complaints I had about sleeping at the shack," the boy mumbled.

Something about the kids seemed vaguely familiar, though Nicola couldn't think of why unless it was from holding them as babies. He pushed the strange feeling aside and kneeled down to shake their hands.

"Sorry we're not meeting under better circumstances. I'm your cousin Nicola. I was there when you were born, but I doubt you'd remember that."

The girl grinned and shook his hand with both of hers. "I'm Mabel! Grunkle Stan hasn't really mentioned you, do you like knitting?"

Nicola chuckled at her enthusiasm. "Thank you, Mabel. I don't like knitting myself, but I like wearing knitted things."

Mabel's pupils seemed to expand to cartoonish proportions. "Can I make you a sweater?"

Nicola ruffled her hair. "Sweaters are my favorite. Just ask my dad, I wore the same purple one until it looked like a crop top on me. Probably would've kept wearing it if he didn't stop me."

Stan elbowed him. "Hey, I know you have no fashion sense, you know you have no fashion sense, the whole town didn't need to!"

The two of them laughed until Officer Logan cleared his throat.

Nicola started towards the door. "Right, we'll just get out of your hair now."

As the quartet walked towards Nicola's van, Dipper finally spoke up.

"So, how come we haven't met you yet? We've been here nearly a week."

Nicola shrugged. "Not all of us are on summer break, and my work tends to eat up my schedule sometimes."

Dipper looked suspicious, his eyes occasionally darting down to Nicola's hands. "What kind of work? Are you a writer?"

"Nope. I'm a pianist. I play for the nicer restaurants in town, a couple fancy hotels in the county, and any rich clients in need of classy entertainment. And special occasions at the Mystery Shack of course." He held up a hand and wiggled his fingers. "My extras make me extra good."

The boy flushed. "I didn't mean to stare, it's just-"

Nicola playfully shoved his shoulder. "Don't worry about it, you were just curious, nothing wrong with that." He pulled his key fob out of his pocket and twirled it around his pointer finger. "Now what do say we pick up some hot chocolate on the drive back? From what Dad tells me, the cells are pretty cold."

The kids cheered.

.

June 5th, 2013

"You're sure it's ready?"

Tate sighed from the other side of the line. "Yes, for the fortieth time, I'm sure. Now get your dad down here so we can get to the part where you stop bugging me about it already!"

Nicola's smile threatened to split his face in two. "Thanks Tate, you're the best!"

"Uh-huh, sure."

Nicola hung up mid-way to his van, then immediately dialed a different number.

"You've reached the Mystery Shack, we put the fun in-"

"No refunds!" Nicola finished. "Hey Dad, want a chance to redo that family fun day?"

"What do you have in mind?"

"Meet me at the lake and prepare to be blindfolded!"

"I will ask no further questions!"

Nicola hopped in the van and drove as fast as he legally could, which meant that Stan beat him there easily. Given the broken guardrail above them, it seemed there were unorthodox shortcuts involved.

Nicola pulled a bandana out of his pocket as he walked over. "I see you got a head start on the blindfolding."

Stan placed his hands on the twins' shoulders, both of whom were indeed blindfolded. "Gotta build suspense for whatever this big surprise of yours is!"

Nicola handed over the bandana, "Alright. Now get your blindfold on and grab my shoulders, I'll lead you over conga style. And don't think I won't be able to tell if you don't tie it right!"

"Can't believe after all these years you'd doubt me," Stan grumbled playfully.

The four of them assembled themselves into a human chain, allowing Nicola to guide them to the dock where Tate was waiting.

"Okay, remove your blindfolds in three, two, NOW!"

Dipper was the first to react. "A boat?"

Tate placed a hand on the side of the red bowrider. "The very first of Gravity Falls Lake's new rental boat service, sponsored by Cynosure Luxury Sailing."

"I named it!" Nicola interjected, gesturing to the painted words on the stern.

"Steamboat Stanley," Stan read, his voice oddly breathy. "You named it after-"

"Yeah. I got the idea when I saw the picture of you with that old boat. Thought about naming it Stan O' War actually, but I think you should save that for when you-" Seeing his dad's eyes were starting to get watery, Nicola changed the subject. "Now who wants to go fishing?"

Mabel groaned. "Fishing? Like sitting on a boat in silence so we don't scare the fish for hours?"

Stan finished wiping the "dust" from his eyes. "Oh, don't worry, it won't be silence." He pulled a brightly colored book from seemingly nowhere. "I brought the joke book!"

The twins shot each other a panicked look.

Before the conversation could continue further the sound of shouting carried over the crowd. "I SEEN IT! I SEEN IT AGAIN!"

Tate sighed. "He's at it again."

Mabel turned in the direction of the voice. "Who?"

"My dad." Tate pulled a spray bottle from his belt. "Hang on, I'll deal with him."

From among the people at the shore, Fiddleford McGucket emerged, scattering people and objects alike. "The Gravity Falls Gobblewonker! Come quick before it scrabdoodles away!"

Tate ran up to him, spraying him in the face using the bottle. "Hey, hey! Now what did I tell you about scaring my customers? This is your last warning, Dad!"

The bearded man protested. "But ah got proof this time, by gummity!" He pointed to a nearby dock, where a rowboat had been splintered in two. "It's the Gobble-dy-wonker what done did it! It had a long neck like a gee-raffe! And wrinkly skin like…" He looked around the beach before gesturing to Stan, "like this gentleman right here!"

Stan crossed his arms. "You're no spring chicken either pal."

The hillbilly hardly even paused in his rambling. "It chawed my boat up to smitheroons, and shim-shammed over to Scuttlebutt Island! YA GOTTA BELIEVE ME!" He gripped Tate by his shirt, only to be shoved off by the lake ranger.

"Seriously dad? You don't even own a boat! I'm gonna have to pay for someone else's damaged property now!"

Nicola stepped forward to stand by his friend. The second Mr. McGucket laid his eyes on him, he backed away.

"Ya keep away from me!" He screeched, nearly tripping over his beard in his scrambling. "I don't wanna see it again! I don't wanna see!"

The tension eased from Tate's posture as the old man ran off. "Thanks, Nic."

Nicola squeezed Tate's shoulder. "Anytime."

When they turned around, that suspicious look was back in Dipper's eyes. "Why was that man so scared of you?"

Nicola shrugged. "I'm not sure exactly why, I guess that I remind him of something he doesn't like."

The boy's attention shifted to Tate. "And the lake monster?"

"If it does exist I don't want to bother it. Most animals'll leave you alone so long as you give them their space."

Stan threw his arms around the twins. "But enough about spooks and monsters huh? We're here for some quality family fishing!" He handed a crumpled dollar bill to Tate. "Your finest cheap bait my good sir!"

Tate took the money. "Sure thing Mr. Mystery."

Stan grinned down at the kids. "See, you've got a brand new boat, 300 pages of hilarity, and a Grunkle with an in with the lake rangers! This is gonna be great!"

Dipper wriggled out from under Stan's arm. "Well, it's just there's this monster photo contest going right now, and that lake monster-"

"Gobblewonker," Mabel corrected.

"Gobblewonker would be the perfect thing to photograph!"

"It's a cash prize," Mabel added, waggling her eyebrows.

Stan stood with a grunt. "Unless we're talkin' millions, I don't wanna hear it. We're not going on some epic monster-finding adventure. We're tyin' knots, skewerin' worms, and tellin' jokes!"

.

Dipper paced the deck of the Steamboat Stanley. "Now the number one problem with monster hunts is camera trouble. That's why.."

Nicola side-eyed Stan as his cousin went on about disposable cameras. "I can't believe you let them talk you into this."

"Her puppy dog eyes reminded me of when you were still tiny."

"Softie."

"I know you are but what am I?"

"Ahem," Dipper cleared his throat, looking disapprovingly at them. "Pay attention guys, this is important."

Stan crossed his arms. "Hey, we agreed to come, we never agreed to like it."

Dipper ignored him. "As I was saying, that's why I bought seventeen disposable cameras! Two on my ankle, two in my jacket, four for each of you, and one under my hat." He handed each of them their four cameras as he spoke. "This way we're practically guaranteed to get a picture and prove that Gobblewonker really does exist."

Stan inspected one of the cameras. "Kid, these things have terrible quality, you could photograph a log and claim it's a sea monster. Trust me, I do it all the time. Let's just fish instead."

Mabel clung to Stan's arm, her puppy dog eyes in full effect. "But you already said we could go on a monster hunt."

Stan sighed. "I did, didn't I?"

Nicola set his cameras by the steering wheel. "Well I didn't, and honestly I don't want to prove McGucket right about anything. I'm driving, but that's it."

Mabel tilted her head in confusion. "What's wrong with McGucket?"

Nicola looked away. "He's made life very difficult for Tate for a long time, he's probably only making a fuss about the lake monster for attention."

Dipper threw up his hands in exasperation. "Fine! Stay on the boat! Mabel and I can find the Gobblewonker by ourselves!"

As if on cue, the boat hit the side of Scuttlebutt Island. The twins quickly leapt over the side, leaving Stan and Nicola on the boat.

"Scream if you need saving!" Stan shouted after them as they vanished into the fog.

"You're a terrible guardian," Nicola voiced.

Stan waved him off. "You turned out fine. Now," he turned to fully face his son. "Since when have you had issues with McGucket?"

Nicola rubbed his arm sheepishly. "I dunno. I mean, I didn't even meet the guy till high school, but I've seen the effect he's had on Tate. All the kids who teased him about going crazy, all the repairs to their house from where a robot damaged it… Tate hasn't wanted anything to do with him since he attacked Emma-May, but the guy refuses to give him space. It's messed up."

Stan leaned against the boat's railing, propping his face in his hands. "Yeah, I get that. Still, Tate's a grown man, and Em's a tough cookie, they don't need you to fight their battles."

Nicola slumped over the steering wheel. "I know. But I like to help."

A rough hand tousled his hair. "And your friends know that about you by now. If they need help, I'm sure they'd ask, just like you would. Just look at how they helped you with the Steamboat Stanley!" Stan slapped the side of the boat to emphasize his point.

Nicola chuckled. "Yeah, you've got a point." He slung an arm around the older man's shoulders. "I never shoulda doubted you, ya geezer."

Stan elbowed him. "Hey, you're not gettin' any younger either pal!"

Their moment was interrupted by the sounds of trees falling and pre-pubescent screaming. Dipper and Mabel burst from the fog, the latter chucking one of the many disposable cameras at a large shape behind them. Stan quickly ran to the bow to help the twins up.

"Go, go, go, go, go!" Dipper shrieked as the shape came into focus. A large bluish-grey creature, with all the features McGucket had described.

Nicola started the boat and raced away, weaving between the vessels of the townsfolk. Glancing around the boat to determine who was closest, his eyes settled on his sweater-clad cousin.

"Mabel! I need you to get on the ship radio and tell the Ranger station we have a code Bubbles!" He instructed as he just barely avoided hitting the Corduroys.

"Okay!" Mabel responded as she dived towards the small radio.

"Then what?!" Dipper shouted.

"Then we hope someone's already on the water!" Nicola shouted back.

Dipper started to reach under his life jacket for something. "Maybe I should-"

Before he could finish, the sharp crack of a harpoon gun firing split the air, followed by a metallic crunch.

The four turned to look at the monster that had been chasing them.

A harpoon was now lodged in its neck, peeling back rubber skin to reveal a metal underbelly. Sparks bled from the tear as the creature flopped down to float like a dead fish.

A silver ranger's boat puttered up to the red bowrider, Tate standing at the helm with the still-smoking harpoon gun.

"I knew it," he muttered. "Come on out Dad!"

A hatch along the machine's back opened, and Old Man McGucket popped up like a whack-a-mole.

"Tater tot!" he cried delightedly.

Tate didn't acknowledge him, instead pulling out a walkie-talkie. "Ranger Backle please alert the police that Fiddleford McGucket requires detainment."

The cheerful expression on McGucket's face never wavered as he pulled a baseball in a mitt from his beard. "Wanna play catch?"

Tate ignored him again, turning to Stan. "Mr. Mystery, if you could please follow me."

With that, he steered the boat back towards shore, the Steamboat Stanley trailing behind him.

Once everyone was ashore and the cops had been sent to the remains of the false monster, Tate handed Stan a voucher.

"The staff of Gravity Falls Lake deeply apologies for this incident. As a token of appreciation, feel free to use this coupon for your next rental."

Nicola patted his friend's back. "Aw, don't feel bad Tate, we still had a fun time. Heck, my cousins were way more interested in finding a monster than fishing anyway!"

"Yeah!" Mabel confirmed. "And being chased is kinda fun, in a sorta scary way!"

Dipper still looked a bit sullen. "So there is no Gobblewonker?"

Tate smiled. "Oh no, there is. But she's awfully skittish, so it makes no sense that she'd be terrorizing lakegoers. She won't even surface if she thinks anyone's there. That's why I figured my Dad was full of it."

Stan rolled his eyes. "Right… there's a real lake monster and I'm really the tooth fairy. Come on kids, a day like that deserves ice cream." He herded the twins to the car, sparing only a moment to wave goodbye to Tate and Nicola.

Once they were out of sight Nicola gripped the lake ranger's arm. "Seriously though man, are you okay?"

Tate sighed. "In all honesty, no. But I will be. That's how it always is."

"Do you need a hug?"

"I'm 33 Nic."

"That wasn't a no…"

"Yes, I'd like one."