Chapter Two - Unfamiliar
I don't remember anything.
Cloud leaned back against the door of Cissnei's guest bedroom, his heart running laps around his ribcage, his arms crossed over his chest in an attempt to calm the erratic thumping. The house was quiet, pale, early strands of dawn's sunlight slowly beginning to leak in through the windows. It was still dark inside, but with his enhanced eyesight, Cloud could see the others where they lay in various positions across the couches and pullout beds in Cissnei's living room, still asleep and oblivious to the peril he found himself in.
He took a deep breath, feeling the sharp lump that had formed in the back of his throat. On the other side of the door, Tifa was inside the guest bedroom, sitting up in the bed where he'd left her. Her wide vermilion eyes were still imprinted in his vision, their dim lack of recognition staring back at him when he approached her, crouching by her side once again.
Cloud didn't know what was seared to his memory more - the look of complete unfamiliarity she'd just given him, or the sweet, soul-crushing kiss she'd pressed to his lips only hours before in the dead of night.
He closed his eyes and tried to center himself, wondering if perhaps that kiss had been a figment of his own fucked-up imagination. There had to be a reasonable explanation for Tifa's sudden memory loss. When she'd awoken in the middle of the night, she'd been fine as far as he could see. A little dizzy and off-kilter, but that was to be expected after a major fall and a likely concussion. But she hadn't looked at him with complete confusion and she hadn't forgotten everything that had come before, things as basic as her name or what had happened hours ago or who he was or who they were to each other.
That was what frightened the hell out of him more than anything, Cloud realized as he puffed out a breath. It was the loss of familiarity that was special between them, the closeness that had grown and developed ever since they'd reconnected in distant Midgar. It seemed as if it were all suddenly gone, evaporated with the banishing tendrils of Tifa's memory.
How could that be?
Clutching his head, Cloud ruminated again that he was the one who was supposed to be all fucked up. He couldn't even imagine how he would manage to survive with Tifa's memory in shambles, too.
A creak in the floorboards alerted him to Cissnei's approach long before she drew near. Begrudgingly, he looked up, straightening his spine.
Her eyebrow immediately raised when she landed eyes on Cloud. "What's going on?"
The redhead placed her hands on her hips, watching Cloud with intense scrutiny. It only took one look at him for her to realize that something was terribly wrong.
He tried to maintain his composure, pushing away from the bedroom door and flexing his hands into tight fists. "She's awake," he replied evenly, narrowing his eyes as she approached. "But… she's… she's…."
Cloud realized that his voice was trembling and that it was barely audible over the wild murmuring of his own heart. He could feel the frenzied rush of his blood swelling in his veins, his entire body pressurizing with fear and anxiety as he thought about the woman who sat on the bed, stilled and stunned, on the other side of that door. His mind briefly flashed back to the moment his awareness returned to him in the reactor, when he stared down into the pool of mako at the pit of the basin and realized that he may have killed her.
He knew now that he hadn't, the memory of Tifa's kiss still light on his lips. But what he may have done instead might have been almost as horrific.
"Cloud," Cissnei interjected softly. Her hand was suddenly on his arm, and she was staring at him with concern in her dark brown eyes. He realized as he looked up at her that his eyes had misted over.
"What happened?" Cissnei asked directly, leveling her gaze at him. "Is Tifa okay, Cloud?"
He blinked back the tears and averted his gaze, stepping away from the door to make room for Cissnei to enter and to deflect from the way that he was crumbling.
"She doesn't remember anything," he replied evenly.
Cissnei narrowed her eyes and entered the bedroom, leaving the door cracked open for him to follow. But Cloud found that he couldn't. The shame and the guilt were beginning to gnaw at him again, and the thought of being faced with Tifa's hollowed expression and empty stare made him feel sick, his stomach lurching and reaching the base of his throat.
He heard the soft confusion of her voice from inside the bedroom when Cissnei greeted her, and the sudden suffocation he felt was almost unbearable, hot waves of an impending panic attack beginning to fan over him. Pushing away from the doorframe, Cloud stalked through the living room, passing the still-sleeping forms of Yuffie, Barret, and Red XIII. Aerith was nowhere to be seen.
Not that it phased Cloud. He didn't even notice. He simply needed to breathe.
He left the house, stepping onto the patchy grass out front and looking around at the slowly awakening village. Dawn was opening up into full daybreak, the sun rising higher and higher over the jungles and casting the heavily shaded village with long shadows. People were beginning to mill about the nearby roads, toiling to start their days as they lugged over-filled carts and roughly worn parcels about, the village slowly stirring to life. Cloud watched as they went, clenching his hands into fists as he breathed in the heavy humidity of the air and tried to ground himself.
Waking up in Midgar had been brutal for Cloud. He had been stumbling through a blurred lack of awareness and a blank slate of memories, and things were only seeming to get worse as time wore on. The only thing that kept him glued together as he continued to degrade and his memories scattered out of reach like the leaves on these tropical trees was Tifa.
And now… not only had the sickness infecting his mind led him to hurt Tifa, but his behavior had damaged her so badly that she had forgotten everything.
A fitting punishment, a clawing voice in his mind reminded him. He didn't deserve her and now he had proved it so thoroughly that he'd inadvertently evaporated himself from her mind along with all of her other memories. It was like everything that he had ever known of himself and who he was had been burned to ash, blown away to be left with nothing but the burnt remains and rubble of her ashen stare as she turned up to him with no recognition whatsoever.
That was perhaps the most painful aspect of all of this. To stand in front of Tifa - the woman who occupied every cell of his body in some way, who propelled his heart to continue beating, who declared to him she would be there to save him when he would inevitably need her - and no longer be seen by her was more crushing a blow than any her fists could have dealt him.
That she had pressed her lips to his just hours ago as she made that vow only worsened the horror and the devastation he now felt, his lips tingling with the sad memory.
His stomach was beginning to churn with bile again when he noticed a familiar figure approaching from over the hill that led to the public memorial for the reactor explosion. He narrowed his eyes against the rising sunlight, Aerith's form emerging from the blinding hue of colors as she stepped into the shade and walked with hands clasped in front of her toward the house.
Cloud felt his heart sink. The last thing he wanted to do was get roped into an awkward and uncomfortable conversation with Aerith that would likely include teasing and unwanted advice. His chest was tight with frustration over Tifa's condition and he didn't think he had the patience to entertain the florist's overly cheerful disposition so early on a miserable morning like this. But there was no avoiding her, not with her green eyes flashing when she made eye contact with him.
"Good morning," she greeted, switching her hands behind her back as she leaned forward. "You're up early. Tifa awake yet?"
"Morning," he replied gruffly. The mention of Tifa's name had pinpricks of fear stabbing through him again, and he glanced back at the house, trying to will the burn out of his eyes. He pointedly ignored her query. "I could say the same of you."
Aerith glanced back the way she came, then turned to him with a shrug. "I just wanted to go for a walk." She leaned in closer, peering up at him in a way that made him feel uncomfortably unmasked. "So… Tifa ?"
Cloud crossed his arms over his chest, deliberately avoiding looking Aerith in the face. "She's awake," he said plainly. "But… she's not doing too well."
This alarmed Aerith, because she straightened her spine and placed her hands on her hips. "What's wrong?" she asked. "I could have sworn she was fine late last night. We could hear you two talking, you know."
Cloud could not stop the mad way that his cheeks brightened at that, and he tightened his jaw, looking down the road and away from Aerith in an effort to avoid reacting to her insinuation. "She's lost her memory," he finally replied. "Doesn't remember anything before she woke up. Cissnei… Cissnei is talking to her now."
Cloud bit his tongue. Just the thought of what was happening to Tifa was beginning to stir the sour feeling in his gut again. He more he spoke on it, the more real it became. Aerith looked at him pensively, not speaking for a long moment before she leaned back and sighed quietly.
"I guess that isn't too surprising, after what happened," she said softly. "But I'm sure she's going to be fine, Cloud! I'll go check on her. I'm a healer, after all. Coming with?"
She started for the front door, heading back inside with a glance over her shoulder. But Cloud stood rooted in place, dropping his hands into his pockets.
"You go ahead," he finally responded, setting his stare blankly on the foreboding reactor in the distance. The place where everything had collapsed and crumbled to dust.
Aerith clicked her tongue, then took a step back towards him, getting entirely too close to his personal space. He leaned back to avoid the starkness of her emerald-green stare.
"I know you're beating yourself up," she told him sagely. "But I wish you wouldn't. It's not your fault. You have to know that Tifa doesn't blame you. Don't you?"
She turned without waiting for a response, disappearing into the house without another word and leaving him alone to brood in the sunlight, watching villagers come and go and watching vultures and aerial fiends circle the reactor in the distance.
Perhaps Aerith was right, he thought. Maybe Tifa didn't blame him and maybe she didn't hate him for what he'd done.
No, it was worse.
She'd forgotten him.
Tifa's head continued to pound as she sat up in bed and looked around the room, trying to orient herself to the new circumstances she found herself in. Her body felt foreign and strange, like she was inhabiting a skin that wasn't hers. At the same time, though, there was a strange familiarity in her limbs as she stretched her hands out in front of her and glanced down at her bare feet.
She stared at the door in silence and mild terror when the handsome stranger named Cloud finally left her alone. She was ceaselessly haunted by his appearance, and not because he had been hovering contemplatively by her bedside for what she could only assume was the entire night. There had been a wild, naked look in his eyes, eyes that were the color of Costan seas and undergirded by an otherworldly and unnatural glow. Even though she couldn't place it, she knew that glow meant something, and for some reason, it filled her with a strange sense of foreboding.
But he was beautiful. His skin was so clear and soft-looking it was almost difficult to believe it belonged to a man, and there was a boyish prettiness in his features that made her feel an unexpected warmth. His hair was messy and golden blonde, his body well-defined and muscular.
She blushed as she ruminated over it, heat pooling in her belly as she thought about how he looked at her, how he nearly leaped across the room to be at her side, such tenderness burning through his stare.
Who was she to him?
Who was he to her?
She pushed that thought away for now because the many ideas that careened into her brain left her feeling flustered and confused. Instead, she focused on herself, rubbing her temples with the pads of her fingers and combing her fingers through her thick hair.
The first thing she did when Cloud left her alone was carefully climb out of bed and cross the room to face the mirror above the dresser. She approached it tentatively, as if afraid of what she might discover. The truth was, she had no idea what to expect and that scared her, her heart thundering as she crept barefoot across the room.
She heaved out a sigh when she encountered her reflection in the mirror. Pale skin and soft, rounded cheeks framed a pleasant face, one that flooded Tifa with the sudden recognition of self that she had been searching for. Wine-colored eyes that were wide and almond-shaped, inky black hair that reached past her hips. A svelte but well-endowed, athletic figure that, as she turned to investigate each curve of it, was as feminine as it was sturdy and strong.
Tifa.
Staring at her reflection helped surge her recollection of herself. For some reason, odd, sensory memories floated to the surface. The sore, tight feeling of muscles after intense training. The soft, supple leather of tennis skirts and fighting gloves. Bloodied knuckles and calloused palms, the sickly sweet smell of spilled alcohol and bleach as she cleaned up floors on her hands and knees.
The sound of men's voices as they cat-called, the lechery in their eyes as they stared.
A little blond boy who watched her from a distance but never approached.
Beautiful.
His voice - as smooth and rich as the red drink he held up in front of her.
She blinked at her reflection and then turned away. That was Tifa - a beautiful girl who trained her body hard and earned a lot of attention for it, nearly all of it unwanted.
But some …
She glanced back at the door, wondering again who Cloud was to her.
She sighed and turned back to stare in the mirror for a little while longer, letting the disjointed memories float around her as she tried to rearrange them back into place. She was falling into further confusion when there was a knock at the door before it slowly crept open.
She turned, watching as a woman with deep red hair entered the room. She was dressed like a warrior, Tifa surmised, eyeing her up and down, and the thought instantly raised her guard. There was a familiar compulsion to lift her fists protectively in front of her body. She turned and leaned against the dresser instead, balling her hands up, waiting and watching carefully as the woman entered the room.
"Tifa?" she entreated.
Tifa stood up a little straighter, glancing back at her. She swallowed carefully.
"Yes..."
The woman eyed her, then stepped into the room, leaving the door ajar. Tifa glanced behind her, looking for Cloud, but saw no sign of him, the corridor beyond empty.
"I spoke to Cloud," the woman continued, keeping a safe distance from across the room. "He's worried. Tifa - do you remember anything? Do you remember me?"
Tifa blinked, staring at her. The woman was unfamiliar to her. She was pretty and pleasant enough, but Tifa couldn't recall ever laying eyes on her.
"I'm sorry, no," she answered truthfully.
The woman was careful not to let her face betray her thoughts, simply nodding in response. "I'm Cissnei," she responded. "This is my house, here in the village of Gongaga."
She paused, watching Tifa carefully to see if her words registered any meaning to her. And while the name Gongaga stirred an awareness in her, she knew nothing of it.
She simply waited for Cissnei to continue.
Seeing her lack of reaction, Cissnei took a step closer. "I met you for the first time yesterday when you came to the village with your friends. There was… an accident at the reactor, and you were hurt. Do you remember any of that?"
Tifa stared at Cissnei, letting her words sink in.
Accident…
Reactor …
Friends …
Cloud. Was he her friend? Or was he something more?
Why did he look at her like she was something more?
"No," she answered, shaking her head again. "I'm sorry. What friends? What accident?"
Cissnei was incredibly patient. "The blond man, Cloud, and the others who came here with you. There's seven of you, including a… dog and a cat."
Tifa blinked. "And… you said there was an accident?"
Cissnei exhaled. "There were some disturbances at the old mako reactor here, and Shinra showed up. Somehow, with everything going on, you fell into the mako basin and had an encounter with a WEAPON."
"A WEAPON?" Tifa repeated, incredulous.
Cissnei nodded. "From what the others shared… it swallowed you. And then brought you back. You don't seem to be suffering from any adverse effects of the mako, but it would seem this accident has impacted your memory."
Tifa stared, digesting this new information. None of it meant much of anything to her, and no real familiarity was stirred. But it frightened her deeply to think that she had fallen into mako and was swallowed by a WEAPON of all things. And even more strange to her was the fact that the concepts of mako and WEAPON and Shinra were familiar to her, although distant and unclear. Thinking about all of this made the ache in her skull begin to pound again, and Tifa sauntered over to the bed, lowering herself to sit.
"Are you alright?" Cissnei asked in a light voice, leaning over to scrutinize her.
Tifa nodded, taking in a deep breath. "I'm okay," she responded. "This is just… a lot to take in. My head hurts, and I'm not sure what I should do next. I don't remember any of these things."
She was surprised by the rise of panic in her voice, and she swallowed thickly. Cissnei took a step forward and bent down, looking her closely in the face and scanning her over.
"It's okay. Memory loss can be disorienting, and I'm sure there's a good reason for what's happening. And… I am sure it won't be permanent. But I do think we need to have the village doctor take a look at you, just to rule out any long-lasting effects of the mako or other injuries. Would that be okay?"
Tifa nodded slowly, the weight of the unknown pressing down on her shoulders. She felt lost in a labyrinth of forgotten moments and unfamiliar faces, desperately grasping for a thread of recognition to guide her way back to herself.
"She doesn't have the most pleasant bedside manner, but she knows her stuff," Cissnei said, straightening up again. "I'll be back in a bit."
The young militawoman backed up, turning to leave. She reached the door, taking the handle in hand before turning back to glance at Tifa. "Cloud is really worried about you," she said softly. "I don't think he slept a wink last night. Maybe if you talk to him, it'll jog your memory some."
Tifa just stared, offering Cissnei a blank look. Her thoughts drifted again to Cloud, to his bright blue eyes and soft, doleful expression that made her think of breezy mountain air and cottages made of wood.
She wasn't sure if she could talk to him.
As Cissnei opened the door, Tifa was surprised to see another woman standing in its frame. She was young and pretty, light brown hair framing her face and tied into a braid trailing her back, a pink linen dress and red military jacket an uncoordinated clash with her muddied combat boots. But it was her eyes that stood out to Tifa - bright green orbs that lit up when she locked sight on her.
"Tifa!" she exclaimed, pushing her way into the room. Cissnei narrowed her eyes, staring at her sharply. The woman paused, realizing her intrusion, then stopped to glance back and forth between them.
"Sorry," she apologized sheepishly. Her voice was bright and high-pitched, almost shrill. "I couldn't help but overhear what was going on. I'm a healer. While you get the doctor, can I take a look?"
Cissnei glanced back at Tifa, giving her a look as if waiting for her consent. Tifa stared back at both women, finally turning back to the green-eyed girl.
"I'm sorry," she said softly. "Who are you?"
The girl giggled, shaking her head back and forth.
"This is Aerith," Cissnei answered for her. "One of your friends who came here with you."
"You really don't remember?" Aerith chided playfully. She stepped closer to the bed, leaning forward over Tifa. "I'm Aerith, silly. Just like, just your best friend."
She moved her face close to Tifa's, blinking as she smiled at her. Nervously, Tifa laughed and slid back on the bed, offering her a smile in return.
"Okay… Aerith."
Aerith sat on the bed uninvited, right beside her. "Is it okay if I take a look while you wait for the medic? I might be able to help."
Her smile was warm and genuine. She reached a slender hand forward, the colorful metallic bangles on her wrists knocking together and sliding down her arm.
Tifa nodded, reaching out her hand and placing it in Aerith's. She wasn't sure why, but there was a geniality that she felt in the girl that told her she could trust her, if even just a little bit.
At that point, Cissnei nodded dutifully and left the room, leaving them alone. Aerith held Tifa's hand in both of hers, closing her eyes and murmuring something quietly between her lips.
Tifa watched her, studying her face. There was something very odd - different - about this Aerith girl. It wasn't just in the way she spoke and her strange mannerisms, but something greater than that. Tifa wasn't quite sure how to read it.
After a moment, Aerith opened her eyes, frowning slightly.
"What is it?" Tifa asked.
Aerith squeezed her hand and then gently laid it down on the bed. "You seem to be just fine, overall," she answered. "Healthy as can be, for someone who just had such an accident. A little concussed. But…"
Aerith frowned, pausing for a moment to ponder her next words. Tifa tipped her head to the side, waiting patiently but also badly wanting answers. The more time went on with her lack of memory, the more confused and desperate she became, feeling as if she were drowning.
"It's nothing," Aerith said hurriedly, looking back into Tifa's eyes. "I'm just really glad you're okay. I'll cast a cure spell to help with the headaches, okay?"
Tifa nodded, not really sure that she believed Aerith's response. But she sat there quietly, closing her eyes as the woman cast her spell. Pleasant waves of warmth washed over her, basking her in a soothing green glow. But as she opened her eyes, she noticed that Aerith didn't seem to have any materia on her.
"How did you do that?" she asked. She blinked, feeling the raw edges of pain around her temples ebb away as the magic wove its way into her blood and sinew. "Don't you need…?"
"Materia?" Aerith shook her head. She leaned close again, and Tifa noted that this was a gesture she seemed fond of. She held her finger up to her lips. "Don't tell anyone, but I'm an Ancient."
Tifa blinked. Strange, distant memories floated in the back of her mind, but like everything else that clung to her, they were disjointed. "An Ancient?"
Aerith waved her hand in the air. "We can talk about that later," she insisted. "Did you talk with Cloud, Tifa?"
The reminder of Cloud had Tifa's heart beginning to race again, and she didn't know why. She suddenly felt very vulnerable and awkward and maybe even shy, and she turned away from Aerith slightly, tucking her hair behind her ear.
"He stopped by for a little while," she answered.
"And?"
Aerith kept staring at her - hard - and Tifa found that she couldn't help but look back up at her.
"Aerith," Tifa began. "What - what is my relationship with Cloud?"
Aerith almost looked taken aback by the forwardness of the question. But then she smiled, almost ruefully, turning away to look at the ceiling.
"He's someone special to you," she answered. "You guys grew up together, go waaayyy back. Like, cradles and diapers back."
Tifa found herself blushing at this information, finding it somewhat unexpected. But it didn't really answer the question. "So… we're just friends?"
Aerith wrinkled her nose, then looked down at her hands in her lap, clasping them together. "It might be a bit more complicated than that. But it really isn't my business, Tifa. I just met you guys a couple of weeks ago, back in Midgar. And Cloud, well…"
She paused, letting the words die on her tongue, the unfinished sentiment hanging in the air between them. Tifa wanted to press her to finish her thought, but found herself too worried and uncertain to push the matter. She wondered if she was always this hesitant and complacent in difficult situations.
Aerith turned back to Tifa, and it seemed that a certain sadness had crept into her stare that Tifa wasn't sure she understood. But she filed it away from now, feeling her own discomfort rise as Aerith shared more information that made Tifa realize just how much she had lost.
Sensing the awkward lapse in the conversation, Aerith sat up straight again. "Tifa, you really should talk to Cloud about it. About everything, I mean. He cares a lot about you, I can tell you that much. And if anyone can help you remember, it's him. He's a little moody, but he'll talk to you."
Tifa gazed at her, trying to figure out what to say or even think. Everything was becoming overwhelming now, and the weight of her circumstances was truly beginning to sink in.
Cloud may have cared about her, but he was unfamiliar to her. Everything was. And she wasn't sure she knew how she could let anyone in to see her broken parts and try to piece them back together, much less him, a boy who seemed to have attached himself to her in a way that the girl sitting in front of her was reluctant to voice.
Before she could respond, the door opened again, Cissnei appearing with a stout, middle-aged woman dressed in a drab healer's frock in tow. The medic, she assumed.
And right behind them stood Cloud, his blue eyes wild, their whites red as if from tears.
"It's post-traumatic amnesia," Dr. Whitaker, the medic, announced, stepping away from the bed where Tifa sat. "There's no blunt-force trauma, and with the equipment I have, I can't detect any significant swelling on the brain. But you are quite concussed. And it would just seem that the fall into mako somehow caused a loss in long-term and short-term memory. I would say that, considering how most people make out when coming into contact with mako, this is a rather mild reaction."
Cloud had stubbornly refused to leave Tifa's room when the medic arrived. His mood had been swinging wildly since Tifa woke up that morning and his lack of sleep certainly wasn't helping things. Aerith's little pep talk had only made him more anxious, and by the time Cissnei arrived with the medic, his nerves were so badly frayed that he couldn't stop himself from storming into the bedroom behind them and slamming the door in Yuffie and Barret's faces.
Cloud glanced at Tifa, finding her staring down at her hands folded in her lap. Her entire body seemed to be caving in on itself. She was meeker and more reserved than he'd ever seen her, and he could feel himself crumbling with desperation at the thought that she might be withdrawing even further away from him.
"Mild reaction?" Cloud repeated. "She doesn't remember anything!"
Dr. Whitaker appeared nonplussed by his harsh reaction. She began to gather her stethoscope and medical supplies, packing them back up into the satchel that she had brought them in.
"I know it seems dire now," she said, leveling her eyes at Tifa and ignoring him. "But the truth is, these things are usually temporary. You seem quite healthy and in good shape, aside from the concussion. Now, you can run and see a fancy Shinra doctor in the city if you want, but in the end, you'll be spending a whole lotta money for them to tell you the same things I just did."
Cloud turned to Tifa, watching the stress and turmoil roil across her face. She kept her gaze downward, shaking her head from side to side gently as she mulled over what the medic was saying.
All of this was fucked, Cloud thought. The entire situation was a disaster, but the fact that he wanted so badly to fall to his knees in front of Tifa and take her into his arms but couldn't was wrecking him.
"I understand," Tifa finally agreed, her voice as soft as Nibelheim's morning breeze. Cloud felt his heart sink.
Dr. Whitaker turned to him, pursing her thin lips so that the crow's feet in her ruddy skin stretched and pulled. "You, or whoever is closest to her, needs to spend some time talking to her about her past. Memories, things about herself she should remember. Could be something that happened ten days ago or ten years ago. The sooner, the better. And I advise you to cool it with any strenuous physical activity for at least a few days and get plenty of rest. After a concussion, the brain and the body both need to decompress for a while, so avoid any unnecessary travel, activities that require too much fine or gross motor skills and concentration, or undue stressors. You may be healthy, but you still had a nasty fall into mako and we don't want you relapsing, especially while you're dealing with so much memory loss."
Tifa nodded, tucking her feet under her on the bed. The medic left, having nothing more to do or say, escorted out by Cissnei.
Cloud turned to her, finding her expression strained as she leaned over the bedside table and began to reach for her gloves and armor. Cloud could see the growing determination and quiet rage underpinning her features, knowing that Tifa - his Tifa - was tapping into her sense of busyness and utility to avoid the difficult situation she was faced with.
His heart shattered at the sight of it.
"Tifa, you don't have to -"
His clumsy words were cut off when Barret thundered into the room, followed in short order by Yuffie, Cait Sith, and Aerith. Red was at the group's heels, squatting on his haunches by the door.
The moderately sized bedroom was now woefully overcrowded, and Cloud resisted the urge to swear, clenching his hands into tight fists and then crossing his arms over his chest as he stared at the group. He badly needed time alone with Tifa, but the others had been patient and he knew how much they all wanted to see her.
"Tifa," Barret was the first to roar. He was employing his best attempt at a whisper - or trying to, anyway - but the sound of his voice managed to bounce off of the tightly insulated walls nonetheless. "You alright, girl?"
Yuffie stepped forward, jumping onto the bed to sit beside her. It had only been days since Yuffie joined their party, but she and Tifa had grown close, a sisterly bond developing between them.
Judging from the look on Tifa's face, she didn't remember any of it at all.
"We were so worried about you!" the young ninja exclaimed. "You're gonna be okay, right?"
Aerith came around the other side of the bed, sitting next to Yuffie. She leaned close to Tifa, placing a hand on her arm. Cloud watched Tifa carefully, noting the uneasy smile she wore that betrayed her confusion yet her unwillingness to voice it. Tifa was always so kind and thoughtful of others, even when it caused her great discomfort.
"You really don't remember anything?" Yuffie continued.
"Hey," Cloud interjected crossly, frowning at Yuffie and shaking his head.
"I'm okay," Tifa answered quietly. "And no, I don't… but the doctor said it's temporary, so, I'm hopeful…"
Conversation erupted and Tifa entertained it as the group gathered around her, everyone lobbying her with their names and who they were and how long they knew her. It was a competition to prove their affections for her, Cloud realized, with Barret ripping off his sunglasses as his eyes pooled with tears and Aerith latching on to Tifa's arm.
Cloud stood by the window, on the outskirts of it all. All he wanted was a moment alone with Tifa so they could figure things out. He didn't understand why this was making him so blindingly vexed, the anger running like white-hot rods of steel in his veins. But he stared out of the window and stayed out of the way with his jaw set, listening as the team chattered and gushed.
Tifa hugged her knees closer to her chest, another sign that she was withdrawing. It tore Cloud to shreds, and standing there watching helplessly as she was further overwhelmed by the intrusion was setting his nerves on fire. When Cait Sith jumped and cartwheeled across the bed in front of her, Cloud finally lost it.
"I think that's enough," he erupted cooly from his place at the window. His voice was a clap of thunder among their jubilant voices, silencing their nattering questions. Tifa blinked, looking up at him in surprise.
"Tifa's been through a lot, and needs to rest, just like the doctor ordered," he went on, looking across the room at every member of the group. They all stared at him, enraptured by the sudden tone of command in his voice. He was their leader, and despite his fractured psyche and the mess things had become in the last week, they still looked to him for guidance. "She hasn't even eaten yet. We need to give her some space."
Red XIII sauntered into the center of the room, nodding up at them. "Cloud's right," he agreed. "We all should give Tifa a chance to ease back into things."
"Sorry, lass," Cait Sith lamented, his ears drooping and pressing against his skull.
Barret nodded. "Gonna have to ease into things on the road, then," he rejoined. "We need to get a move on. The Planet is in danger, and she needs every last one of us. We need to put our lives on the line to save hers! You in?"
Aerith jumped to her feet. "You bet we are."
The others murmured their agreements, but Tifa just held her knees tighter, her fingers picking at the soft fabric of her stockings. Cloud watched her, his mind blurring at what he witnessed there.
He could feel it coming off of Tifa in waves. Her pain, her confusion, her sadness. She wasn't ready to go anywhere, he knew. And this wasn't fair.
Cloud opened his mouth to say something, but Cissnei appeared in the doorway, clearing her throat to get their attention.
"Wow, what've I walked in on?" she asked, eyebrows raised and arms folded under her breasts. "You know, there are other places better suited for these kinds of conversations."
Red got to his feet. "Cosmo Canyon, perhaps."
"The home of Planetology!" Barret declared. "It's right around the corner, isn't it?"
The group began a vigorous discourse on the merits and methods of traveling to Cosmo Canyon, Red sharing that it was his hometown while Yuffie lamented the need to discover whatever materia it may be hiding. All the while Cloud watched Tifa, her silence deafening as she contemplated inwardly.
"I think -" she finally spoke, cutting through their prattling, her voice broken and threatened by unspilled tears. "You all should go on without me. I would just get in the way, and this voyage sounds very important."
"What?" Barret woofed. "We aren't leaving you anywhere, Tifa. Amnesia or not, you're coming with us, even if we have to carry you."
Tifa shook her head and stifled a small sob, smiling ruefully down at her hands. She looked so lost and afraid that Cloud felt his heart shatter like glass under Thor's hammer. His hands were clammy in his gloves, and he could feel his desperation build, the need to protect her suddenly outweighing everything else in the world.
"Barret," Cloud suddenly interrupted, his voice clipped but self-assured. "You guys go on ahead. Tifa needs to rest for a couple of days, anyway. The doctor said she can't travel with the concussion."
There were a few small gasps of surprise, and Barret's eyes widened. "What?" he bellowed. "You mean you're staying here? But -"
"Go on and scout Cosmo Canyon with Red and Aerith," he responded, his voice heavy with finality. "Get as much info as you can. Tifa and I will catch up with you in a day or two."
Tifa lifted her head, staring at him with those wide, carmine eyes, her dark lashes wet with tears. He looked back at her, nodding slightly before turning back to the others.
"A couple of days," he reiterated firmly.
Tifa watched as the strange, ragtag group that she'd come to Gongaga with slowly began to file out of her room, bidding her goodbye and leaving her with well-wishes. The two girls - Aerith and Yuffie - both hugged her, while Cait Sith - the cat plush - jumped up and down in her lap.
They were going to Cosmo Canyon via chocobo and air, and would communicate with their team via PHS when they arrived. She didn't know what to say even as she observed Cloud standing by the door and watching them leave, as he made arrangements with Cissnei to let them stay with her until Tifa was ready to move on.
She sat in Cissnei's kitchen alone, finally out of bed for the first time since she'd woke that morning. She was quietly eating the fruit and yogurt Cissnei left for her before departing on her own business for the rest of the day, finally putting food into her belly since everything that had happened the day before. Cloud was outside, talking to the man named Barret, who had to be the loudest and most animated and passionate person she'd ever met. It seemed Cloud was entrusting him to be the leader in his absence, though Tifa didn't understand the importance and urgency of traveling to Cosmo Canyon or why they were even traveling the world together in the first place.
The constant lack of answers and understanding was sending her into a state of depression that was frightening and suffocating. She tried to tamp the darkness down, but the negative, doubtful thoughts were becoming loud and unrelenting.
She finished her orange juice just as Cloud came back into the house, closing the front door quietly behind him. They were alone now, and the realization made Tifa's heart begin to race. Cloud rounded his way towards the kitchen, standing in the threshold and pinning her with heat in his stark blue eyes.
"Tifa," he breathed.
She inhaled at the sound of her name. Heat rushed between her thighs, her breath catching and her back straightening. The way he said her name… it was soft and gentle, yet pulsing with something she couldn't understand. It was something that touched her deeply, threads of warmth and tenderness lacing their way through the fibers that made up her very soul. It was a feeling she had known forever and yet one that was unfamiliar all at once, and seeing the ardent, mournful blend of regret and desire in this man's aquamarine eyes, she felt a pull she couldn't explain.
Tifa knew she should walk away. She knew that she should leave this house and leave these strange people who called themselves her friends, to separate herself from the suffocating captivity of being around people she didn't know and try to find the answers herself. Maybe in the reactor where she had fallen, or maybe in that city Aerith mentioned called Midgar. And she knew that she should forget about Cloud's captivating eyes and the silent pleas they seemed to hold. But her feet remained rooted to the ground as if they knew something she didn't.
Without a word, Cloud extended a trembling hand towards her, a silent invitation hanging in the air between them.
"Tifa," he whispered her name again, sending shivers of pleasure and uncertainty down her spine. And in that moment, she made a choice - a choice that would perhaps forever alter the course of the life she had forgotten. Taking a deep breath, she reached out and placed her hand in his, feeling an electric jolt run through her as their skin touched, watching as he got to one knee in front of her place at Cissnei's little kitchen table.
"I'm not going anywhere until you remember it all, Tifa," he vowed. "I won't leave your side. I promise."