So I found out that FanFiction lets you translate reviews (definitely Google Translate), so I have not only a source of self-confidence boosts and broad smiles, but lots of laughter, too, seeing as the quality of the translations can be pure comedy xD
Also, anyone who read the 100 YQ chapter last week wondering, too, why in the only Jerza panel they stood in the middle of town? I mean, he could've taken a stroll and all but what was she doing there, all tiny and (half) naked...? Stalking him? xD Seeking assistance...? (smirk)
CheesyDelphox, oh how I love your capital screams :D Thank you so much for such a wonderfully kind review; how you just dish praises, even announcing them! I don't remember to ever have gotten one on facial expressions; thank you so much for that! Speaking of self-confidence boosters, you're definitely one for me! (And damn, I'm gay for her, too. I can't believe you managed to put that into words but I'm all with ya there)
Isanien, thank you so much (I cannot say it often enough) for taking the time to review all the chapters as you read them and not just the latest! I really appreciate it a lot! Mentioning so many things, thaaank you! And the tree thing is when she tried to reach the pigeon the other day. You made my day with your last sentence there. Don't overwork yourself (a horny Erza might interrupt...) :D
Yeah, the costume of the cat (and later bunny) are the ones from the cathedral chapter of the 100 YQ. Thank you so much for commenting on so many things; my heart leaps with joy!
Guest (no. 1), haha, I love how you guys just full on shout when finally he seems to be unmasked with his secret fantasies and kinks! I get what you mean and it honestly didn't even cross my mind that it was more of a Siegrain-y trait. Do you mean more of roleplaying (check) or maid outfits or him being more/entirely in control as a request? I'd be happy to try to include more, just let me know ;) Thank you so much for your review btw (almost forgot in all the fangirling)!
Guest (no. 2), hehe it makes me so proud to know! Thank you so much for reviewing and for telling me how you felt reading the last chapter! Thank you so much for such amazing praises, I'm the one blushing here!
Mitzy123, thaanks for so much fangirling enthusiasm! My favourite! Thank you so much for pointing so many things out, it really helps with writing and just plain makes me super duper happy! (upwards pointing 'arrow' things for eyes, you know, the turned over greater-than sign)
foxydame, thank you so much for such a detailed review! To quote my cousin, I love how people (including me) just refer to them as 'Jerza', as if they're one person :D You also found it to have a hint of Siegrain; I can't believe I entirely missed that (in my own writing xD)! Thank you so much for being so nice and for leaving me such a great review!
Let's cut a little deeper...
Jellal awoke with a dry mouth and dry skin surrounding it. He did not have to count the remaining chimes of the grandfather clock to know it to be not-so-early evening anymore. He felt the tiny bruise at the corner of his mouth throb mildly, knowing it would be a lot harder to hide than the trail that went down his throat. He could arrive at work with a scarf; it was cold enough to be believable that he left it on for that reason. And the one at his lips… they would not ask, surely. Hopefully.
Was it treason to lie in front of the Magic Council, even in a matter this irrelevant to state affairs?
His gaze travelled down from where he was sunken into a fort of pillows. He had to bend his neck to see, though not to hear.
Erza was snoring peacefully into his shoulder. She was still wearing one stocking, the other halfway down her calf. With her arm now slackly hanging over his chest, her hand was only within reach and not grasping his belt anymore, being the only article of clothing with them on the bed. That and his tie, the only thing he was still wearing (not remembering the maid headpiece on his head until spotting it later).
Jellal sighed deeply to himself, closing his eyes. No matter what, this was still his favourite. It was a close race – everything with her was a favourite – but lying together after making love just could not top whatever came before or after.
Because it was proof.
Whenever his mind had drifted off into sins – into what Meredy and Ultear had always teased him with and what Erik most likely wanted to strangle him for – it had only selected the juicy part of the process. And perhaps a seduction or oh-so-coincidental encounter beforehand.
This was different. This was better. Because it was real. It made him realise that everything in fact was real, that it really had happened and that it could happen again. That their togetherness did not end there, that she was not the product of a tortured, lovesick mind but that she was willing to stay for the calm and the gentle moments as much as for the rough, passionate ones. That she wanted all sides of him, just like he did of her.
Erza's stomach piped up a moment before her. She answered with a grumble, followed by an unintelligible mutter that sounded like a scold. Jellal smiled. He tried reviving his with the weight of her head prickling arm, reaching her back and trailing a fingertip down the ridge that was her spine. It caused a shiver.
"Jellal…" Erza moaned to herself. Or maybe to him, he did not know. But he knew she was hungry and he would have lied saying he did not to share the feeling.
"Dinner?" He suggested. There was no answer – she was only sleep talking. Deciding to leave it at that for a while, he gave himself more rest, closing his eyes and sinking back into the sheets. His hand travelled up to the back of her head, unable to resist the mess that was her scarlet beauty, stroking through, entangling in it, enjoying the silky feeling beneath his fingers.
Half an hour passed when Erza finally stirred again, this time without her stomach giving instructions. Jellal fished with his free hand for another pillow, stuffing it beneath his head to watch her more comfortably. She champed and then brushed her lips to his skin, finding that she liked it, kissing whatever was in front of her. He had to suck in a breath when the fluttery contact of her swollen lips tickled below his collarbone.
Her limbs stretched and a small squeak escaped her throat when she yawned. Leisurely, her eyes opened. Blinking up at him, she met his loving gaze, a content smile stretching across her lips.
"Good morning, Snoozy," he smiled back at her. Erza did not so much as peek to the side to find out whether the sun was actually up and telling her that she had slumbered through the entire night, which it was not. She did not seem to care either way.
"I dreamed that you combed my hair," she croaked. Her cheeks tinted slightly at the sound of her own voice that he knew to partially be responsible for.
"Then you have a very good perception of things in your sleep. Because I was," he said, enticing a giggle. "How did your dream end?" He could not help but ask. Luckily, she had not moved any further than rotating her eyes to find his.
"Uhm… I don't remember," she admitted, "I may have woken up just then," she pondered out loud.
"Well," Jellal could not help a smirk, "want me to spoil it for you?" He asked in a flirty tone. She raised a brow, adapting the seductive attitude.
"Dish."
"I'm stuck." He plainly admitted. Cawing and all, Erza had to laugh. He chuckled, too, if sheepishly and she helped him untangle without hurting her scalp too much. He scratched it afterwards to release the tension. She purred in response and he could not help but blush when remembering her cat outfit from the other way.
She noticed – however she guessed that – and it was hardly a second later that he found the fluffy ears to sit back on her head.
"Don't look so surprised," she smirked widely at his caught expression. "Since you liked that, I was thinking maybe this one could be right up your sleeve," she said, clothes trading anew, this time into a tightly fitting leather swimsuit of sorts, fishnet tights and bunny ears topping it off. He had to gather every bit of will as not to check whether the outfit came with a fluffy tail.
"I've been wondering – could your pills maybe have some belated side effects? Overdose of hormones or something?" He raised a brow. There had to be something different to make her this oversexed. He hushed the voice in his head, telling him how easily he responded to each and every of her seductions at the same time. Perhaps it was like desserts – once she got used to them, it became a phase. Only the dessert one had not abated yet…
"Oh? You want me to stop taking them?" She looked so eager all of a sudden it scared him.
"That's not what I said," he quickly corrected. Erza sighed. Glowing, the attire exchanged for one of her regular jumper and skirt combinations. Serious now, she remained quiet for another moment. Her eyes flashed to his and away again.
"Jellal… do you… really not want me to?" She looked at him. Longingly. He hesitated. "To stop taking them," she clarified, obviously for him not to be able to weasel out. He gulped, feeling his pulse speed up and his mouth to dry out in nervous panic.
"I… I just don't want to share you yet," he managed.
"Is that the truth?" Erza frowned, not reproachfully but woefully. It was his turn to sigh, this time deeply. He did not look at her, not even caressing her back like he usually would when she was upset. Every movement felt stiff and hypocritical.
"It… mostly is… partially," he became quieter, "to some extent…"
"Okay," she said, hardly more than a whisper. She smiled weakly but he could see the sadness behind it, his chest stinging with guilt until he feared to be suffocating from it. Then she snuggled back in, closing her eyes a moment later. He felt the sigh she had meant to suppress. Even though her features relaxed, the smile fading, he could see the tightness of her lips and the hint of a sorrowful frown of her brows.
Not for the first time, Jellal wished for a manual or a guide or at least a few fool-proof tricks. Was there some unwritten rule of never refusing such a question like there was for when women asked if clothing made them look chubby?
It made him feel even more terrible to catch himself hoping to have eluded the topic altogether. She really wanted this. And she had every right to, only the problem was that it was not a thing she could accomplish by herself. Be responsible for by herself…
A long sigh did escape her after minutes of silence and Jellal felt his heart in the grasp of icily burning claws when she shifted her head. Empty brown eyes met his. There was nothing on her face that gave him a clue of how she felt – what was going on inside her head despite the disappointment and grief he caused her.
Staring at him, Erza was the first to break the quiet that had felt like hours.
"Do you think cauliflower is the winter fur of broccoli?" She asked, tilting her head into him. Jellal blinked in utter bewilderment. Completely stupefied. She glanced back, still raw with hurt but apparently serious about her question. How did that mind of hers work?!
"I…" he managed, unable to turn his attention to her theory, however. Her eyes regained their pitifully dim shine, forehead wrinkling into a frown.
"I'm sorry, was it tactless of me to just change topics?" She apologised, turning her head away. Jellal felt his heart bleed a little stronger again. Finally, his hand reacted and he dared stroking down her back.
"No, no, it's," he averted his gaze as well, "rather tactless of me to be glad about that…"
"It's not," she said, even if only to comfort him. "I know you don't like to talk about it,"
"And I know you do," he added. The corners of her mouth tugged upwards, though not enough to actually make her smile again.
"I'll just… ask again another time," she smiled now, if unconvincingly, reassuring him as best as she could at that moment. Please do, he wanted to say. But he did not, lips pursing, a sickening nausea of guilt spreading anew. "Dinner?" Erza asked and he nodded. She got up. He missed his chance entirely, keeping the words to himself.
He wanted to cut out his own tongue as punishment.
Night had fallen and Jellal was still staring at a blank page. His eyes burnt from the low light, from his lack of sleep and the itching tears he had to wipe and deny every couple of minutes. He could not write. No matter how hard he tried, he could not produce any words of happy times when he was sad, even if the events were in the past. He wondered then whether his words would ever actually be able to stir something joyful in her.
Closing the diary, he stuffed it away into his briefcase. The alibi files from work followed right after, having been his excuse to stay in the office for a while. Not that he needed an excuse, really. She let him be distant, no questions asked.
Still feeling like a bastard and more than ever like needing a hug, Jellal dragged his feet back to the bedroom they slept in. It occurred to him long before arriving that a hug was not what he deserved right now, starting to ponder on whether he should pick another room to sleep in. Checking on her had to come first, though, no matter how ashamed and horrible he felt.
Everything was clad in darkness when he entered. The curtains were not yet drawn, so he overtook the task, announcing himself that way in case she had not heard him come in. With narrowed eyes, Jellal tried to find his beloved, neither hearing regular breathing nor finding the bathroom's light to be on by the gap at the bottom of the closed door. He snuck towards the bed.
The sheets rustled almost unnotably and with his eyes used to the dark now, he could make out the silhouette of a tiny lump beneath the blankets.
"Jellal," Erza lifted her head. Her voice was quiet, careful, but, so he assumed, rather from being a little raw than having slept. Or to address him benevolently, both giving his heart a sting of guilt and a flood of warmth. She was not ignoring him. She was even considering him to be just as confused and upset, something he both appreciated and disliked at the same time – he was the one to have broken her heart; she should not be kind to him.
She should be angry with him. Raging and fuming through the house, maybe pack her bags and get out, even if it was just for a while and even if it was still only back to their house in Magnolia. Or a different room. Kick him out, let him suffer on his own because this – caring and condoning – was by far a heftier torture for his own aching heart.
Her hands appeared from inside the curl of her body, one arm reaching out for him. Drawn in of his own accord, he crawled onto the bed until being near enough for her hand to find his knee. Despite how unworthy he felt, he could not refuse her. And himself, at that moment, unarguably pulled towards any affection he would be granted. Needing to be saved.
"Come here," she whispered, fingers shortly gripping the fabric of his trousers. Obeying, Jellal laid down, staring into the blackness to catch the faint shining of her eyes. How was there so much love left in them? Almost as if nothing had ever changed…
Her hand touched his cheek, cupping it, the other coming up as well, holding his face in a tender manner. It made the itch return to his eyes.
"Jellal," she said softly, and he had to close his eyes to hide the weakness she caused with the sound of his name alone. "Jellal, don't think this changes anything about my feelings for you; it doesn't," she emphasised, knowing he needed the most clear and unmistakable statements there were for him not to tell himself lies. Lies that protected him, that hurt her. That had never gained them anything but separation.
He squeezed his eyes shut, inhaling strongly to overplay the sniffle his nose ran with. She sighed in response, pityingly.
With a tug, Erza pulled him closer. Her arms wound around his head, pushing him into her chest, stroking his hair.
"I won't leave you for this," she whispered and he managed to catch himself before dampening her pyjamas.
"For what would you?" His voice was tiny. He did not know why he asked that. Slightly detaching himself to breathe more comfortably, he found he could not go any further. Both due to her embrace but also his own revolting body, fighting his guilt with desperate starvation for her love.
"This better not be a challenge," Erza drily said, threateningly. He shook his head. It was so warm all of a sudden, his boulder of a heart becoming lighter by her mere presence. Her forgiveness. "But… even if I were to make up some ridiculous scenario, in reality… I don't think I could. Even if I wanted to, I couldn't. I wouldn't," she concluded. An unintended sigh of relief escaped his lips. "I won't."
"I'm sorry…" Jellal swallowed when the lump in his throat built up again. She shook her head above his.
"Don't be," Erza bent her neck to kiss his forehead. He was awfully aware of how it was his usual gesture of comforting her. And the effect it had. The racing of his heart calmed, the storm inside his brain dying down into a quiet breeze. "Would you still be in for an actual dessert?" She asked, still quiet. A smile formed on his lips.
"I'd like that very much," he agreed. She smiled, too, releasing him only after another minute of keeping him close. They walked downstairs without ever letting go completely, fingers entwined. She hugged him from behind, her warm breath comforting his heart while the baking soothed his nerves.
Finally, he hugged her back as they fell asleep, entangled in the other's arms.
Jellal awoke, to his great surprise, after Erza. He found himself in her arms, his ear over her heart and her hands in his hair. She mellowly stroked it. He sighed, knowing it to be his fault that she had not slept properly.
"I've kept you up…" he muttered. The stroking stopped for an instant, then resumed just as affectionately.
"No, I've kept myself,"
"I'm sorry,"
"Listen when people are talking," Erza snapped, though in a lovingly strict manner. His eyes closed again.
"But I am sorry…" Jellal swallowed at the still tiny lump that was building up in his throat again. He wanted to curse at it but his mind was entirely too tired to do so.
"You don't have to be." Erza put a kiss to the crown of his head and it almost made him smile. It felt strange to have traded places but he started to realise that most of the times he had calmed her down that way, it had been her apologising for having messed something up he did not view as gravely. This could surely not be the case, he thought, but it somehow eased his mind anyway.
He tightened his arms around her a little, daring to return the comfort.
"I'm… glad, actually," she said and his ears perked. "That we talked about this," she erased his hopes again, though he was not surprised. It was evident that she was serious about wanting a baby – she had been for a while. "That you told me and I didn't force something onto you that you didn't want,"
"It's not exactly a once-in-a-lifetime thing…" he agreed, uncertain with how serene she was. She must have been up all night, brooding. Which seemed to have helped, he noted, finding himself by far more at unease than her, almost wishing to have had a sleepless night, too.
"More of a for-the-rest-of-your-life thing," she nodded, her chin dabbing his head. "Jellal," Erza took his face in her hands, tilting it up to face her, being too close for his eyes to focus on her. "Thank you for telling me. I'm really very glad we talked about this. That we can talk about these things," she said, stealing his breath by pressing a kiss onto his lips. Then another, gentler one onto his forehead.
"Erza…" he all but breathed. Her nose aligned with his, forehead to forehead when she whispered his name in return.
"I'm just glad to have you," she squished her nose past his and he inhaled deeply, tilting his head up further to meet her lips again. She replied hungrily to his tentative query, building up the confidence for his hands to wander, bringing their bodies closer, moving his lips over hers in an equally frantic distress. A hum escaped her throat as his fingers reached her shoulders, running up her nape to tangle in her hair.
"Erza," Jellal panted slightly when parting. When his eyes fluttered open, they clashed with hers. A smile adorned her mildly chapped lips and she wiped her thumbs beneath his eyes to catch his abating tears. It melted him to an extent that the remorse slowly washed off his throbbing heart. "I want to marry you before starting to think about that," he deeply gazed into her eyes. She could not hold back a light gasp. Then her eyes softened, her widening smile conjuring one onto his lips as well.
She kissed him again and they hugged until there were merely a handful of minutes left for him to prepare and arrive at work.