Hey, thanks for your patience!
pilikali, thank you so much for your review! I'm glad to know you liked the Crime Sorcière excursion :D
Mikasa-Chan, thank you so much for your long review! I really appreciate it! Hope assignments went well ;) I'm happy about everything you mentioned - the Crime Sorcière in the place of Jerza; good to know :) Thanks again for leaving me a review and don't worry, Jellal and Baby interactions are coming up ;)
PANDA, thanks for leaving me a review! I really appreciate it!
As it turns out (should have known), reviews and writing itself are the biggest motivation. Hope I can keep this up; there's still so much to be written with the baby in and out of the womb :D
Hope you enjoy!
Erza awoke when her hand grasped nothing but fabric, blinking her eyes open. It was still dark; it could not be morning yet. The mattress in front of her was empty. This time – to her surprise – she did not find herself to start panicking immediately.
With a suppressed sigh, she heaved herself up to sit. A heavy chest had gotten her used to backaches, but the additional weight of her stomach was certainly something she had to adapt her movements to.
Jellal was not there, and she tried without success to ban all fright clinging to her heart with sharp claws. He had to be there, he just had to. It was not hope, she told herself, it was a fact. So she crawled out of bed, catching herself to be sneaking across the cool parquet and towards the ajar kitchen door. It never fully closed anyway, creaking upon being opened, but with her deep slumber, it was no wonder she had not heard. She prayed she had simply not heard; prayed for him to be there.
Her sore heart skipped a beat when she saw him. But it lurched almost as quickly, keeping up a sluggish, pained rhythm as she watched him. The tiled floor was cold beneath her feet, but she paid it no mind. He did not even perceive her coming, and she mused on whether he would, should she advance further than the doorway.
Jellal was hunched in his chair, an untouched tea in front of him. Hardly any steam rose from it anymore. He was clutching it nonetheless, his other hand supporting his forehead, fingers desperately grasping tufts of hair. His eyes were open – open and empty and yet so full of anxiety, she felt them burn into nothing at all from where she stood.
His breathing was inaudible up until she saw the first tear drop to the table, a quivering inhale unsettling his shoulders.
She could hardly stand to watch him; to see him tormented by what she so dearly wanted to cherish with all her being. She feared nearing him, feared he would not want to see her so prominently pregnant stomach. With a light smacking, bare feet crossed over anyway, and for a moment, she was glad he did not notice. It felt treacherous to be trying to hide it – and after they had come so far – but Erza remained behind him, carefully placing a hand on his back.
Jellal flinched, nearly knocking over the mug where his second tear had landed a second ago. The tea that must have been cooling for quite a while ran down his hand which would not cease to grasp its container. He released his hair to wipe his eyes as surreptitiously as he could, but her focus drifted when she noted the floatingly descending blue hairs he had apparently raked out in his misery.
He turned away as she knelt down, refusing to let her see his face. Unsure how to offer comfort without rubbing salt into the wound, she slid her arm around him for a somewhat awkward sideway hug, her shoulder pressed to his thigh. His chest trembled under the pressure of not sniffling. It made her eyes itch in return.
Letting go, Erza shuffled forward on her knees, lying her head down on his lap instead. His legs were shaking, stiffening with her weight as not to betray their owner. He was still not looking. With his jaw tight, she thought to have detected a twitch, an attempt to speak when his mouth opened. It ended in a hoarse squawk. She could easily read the curses at himself off his forehead.
She waited. She did not rush. And she told herself to accept silence just as much as words.
His face disappeared as he leant over the table, gulping needily at the tea he had seemed so reluctant to drink in the first place.
"I…" Jellal managed, more of a whisper than a voice. "I keep seeing-" he swallowed, "seeing them cast out… bullied…" he sniffed this time, his abdomen contracting in front of her face. Erza's brows creased into a frown. "Accused for something they didn't do, something they are not to blame for…"
"Neither are you," she softly said. She just did not have it in her to let him harbour self-loathing. Not after everything.
Finally, his eyes met hers, however they were cold and hard. Determinately guilty. She asked herself whether she had truly ever believed him to be cured; to be rid of his demons and to fully accept himself and his atrocious deeds as over and in the past. He quite visibly denied it now, had he ever come to forgive himself.
As much as it stung with churning anguish, it inflamed her ambition to prove him wrong. To chain him to her if needed, and to suffocate his doubts in unbridled love.
"I just…" his voice stumbled, so he aborted, rather keeping his eyes from brimming over than trying anew. His hand was everything but gentle, knuckles pressing into his reddened eyes.
Erza lifted her head, bumping it against the table in her hurry. It scared her that he did not reach out when she rubbed the spot, though the twitch in his arm was still there. Urgently, she took his hand away from his eyes. With exceeding tenderness – one that her guildmates would have never thought the forbidding Titania capable of – she ran her thumbs beneath his eyes, then over them as they closed. She wanted to kiss his lids but she retrained herself, the concern about his gaze falling on her stomach lingering like the taste of rotten food coating her tongue.
"No one would bully them," she attempted to soothe.
"If they recognised me," Jellal breathed when his voice broke. A deep inhale, if a shaky one, then a sigh. He was trying. He was trying his best, she knew. She hoped he was not doing so to ban the topic and force his feelings down though, but that he dealt with them. "Won't we send them to school?" He croaked.
"We will," Erza calmly replied. Her thumbs never ceased their mellow patterns below his eyes and on his cheeks. "And after everything, there is no way anyone in Magnolia would bully them for anything," she emphasised. "They know us – they love the guild,"
"I'm not-" Jellal sighed, gulping down his hasty reply. Closing his eyes for another heartbeat, he summoned his courage. Or so she thought, but when he turned to her, gazed into her eyes and down the shirt she was so fond of stealing, there was not a trace left of the hesitation she had dreaded.
She scooted backwards when the chair's legs scraped across the floor. He joined her there, bare knees to bare knees. Her breath stopped when his hand reached out.
"I'm sorry Baby Scarlet," Jellal whispered. His palm softly cupped her bare belly, thumb tracing up and down. Her breathing continued flowing, heart all over the place. A light blush crowned her cheeks, lips tugging up into a smile of their own accord. "You'll be a Fairy Tail mage before me," he quietly added.
But Erza smiled. She found she could not stop. Bitterness laced itself into her gaze, but at the same time, it shone with gladness.
"You will be, too," she put her hand over his. He did not glance up at her.
"I… wrote you letters," he confessed after a while. Erza tilted her head in puzzlement. It cost her a lot not to ask immediately, but she, too, was trying her best. "When we were in Era and I…"
"I know," she nudged her knee to his.
"I wrote down why I was so upset – about myself," he almost hastily added. She nodded. "And…" a long hesitation stretched between them just like the darkness engulfed them in its shadows. She really wanted to help, to suggest and take over, all to aid of course, but she bit her tongue as not to. If he wanted something, he could say it. He would, she made herself believe.
Jellal's other hand came to take her unoccupied one. The other remained over her stomach, almost as if talking to both her and the baby.
"I think I'm ready to burn them now," he eventually pronounced. His eyes lifted, a dim yet existent gleam of determination in them. "I don't want to see them again – I couldn't forget anyway – but… if you wanted to read them, you can," he dared. She could not help but smile. Not yet proud, but on its way. They were on their way, doing what they could together.
Back in bed, Erza had summoned his bag with the hidden letters only after they had cuddled in closely.
Unworthy. Liar. Murderer. Terrible role model.
Reading his tribulations hurt her almost as much as when he had said them, because they rang with his voice in her head – trembling and loud or quiet, crumbling, fading. She kissed the top of his head many times, pressing her lips more firmly to his hair whenever a particularly painful point had been made. He never looked at the letters again, cuddling into her, accepting the pain he had caused her while at the same time allowing himself the comfort of her embrace.
Once done, Erza let the sheets slide down the bed and blew out the candle on the nightstand. Turning to hug him properly, she savoured the tightening of his arms. A long silence stretched for minutes. Two, three, four, five minutes, not a single tick disturbing their peace. And it was peace, she found; it was a pleasant silence. Her tears had long dried above his head, and so had his, eyes shut loosely, resting against her shirt.
"Erza," Jellal cawed into her cleavage. When he did not show any signs of wanting to be released to speak properly, she merely hummed in response. "Can we… not… call her your mother's name?" He asked. Not opening her eyes, she had to smile.
"Of course," she said without having to think. "We don't want her having to live up to someone she never even met," she confirmed his inducement. Gratefully, he squeezed her once. "We want them to be their own person."
"Same with Ultear?" He rasped, her chin prodding his crown when she nodded.
"And Simon," she risked. This time, it was his turn to nod. Another squeeze, then a sigh, one that spoke of relief. It had not been mentioned in his writing, but she could imagine him to have struggled with the notion of her taking liking in the name while he himself still felt – and might forever do so –conflicted about it.
Perhaps, Erza pondered, honestly was not just waiting for something to happen. It was not just dead-on confrontation, and it was also not abiding until it presented itself. It was a give and take, a constant juggle of trust and venture, no different than his endless tribulations of uttering a wish. There was no rule to be followed, but moment-to-moment decisions that had to be weighed and opted for or against. She was never done learning, either. And that was okay.
They soaked in a hot bath until dawn, and he braided her hair clumsily afterwards. It was getting longer, she noted, but so was his.
Without any fuss whatsoever, Jellal surrendered to her blades.
"Depending on how this turns out, we might have to stay a while longer," he declared just before she passed the first strand between her fingers.
"To grow out my mistakes?"
"Uhuh," he affirmed. Her stomach warmed fuzzily at his sheepish grin through the mirror. Self-evidently, she took great care not to ruin his beautiful hair. And she preferred it long, anyway, so merely the tips had to cop it. When he opened his eyes, she had been done for a while already, simply continuing to enjoy the feeling of his hair between her straddled fingers. It underwent the trial of the ponytail, and when she contently noted to still be able to make one just so, she declared her oeuvre to be completed.
"Hey, Erza,"
"Yes, love?" She pecked his arm on their way out onto the terrace. As much as she savoured him calling her terms of endearment, she liked using them, too.
"What did your mother look like?" He asked. It surprised her so positively how his mind stayed baby-focused, she could not keep from smiling broadly.
"Like me, I suppose," she kept hold of his towel while he spread hers out on a lounger.
"Scarlet hair?" He mused. Erza gave a hum of agreement.
"And brown eyes." She pursed her lips. "I don't know what my father looked like, but this seems to be dominant," she twisted a strand of her own hair between two fingers. There really had been a strong resemblance between her and her mother; anyone who had seen Irene had said so. It almost made her sad to think their baby might not inherit any traits of Jellal's appearance.
"I'm glad," Jellal smiled honestly. And she knew I was not only the dread of his mark to be embedded in his genes – her heart, too, fluttered in delight at the mental image of Jellal and his two scarlet girls. It made her brain attempt conjuring up a scarlet-haired boy for the first time, though all it managed was Jellal with different hair.
She watched him go for a swim while she waited at the shore. Fuelling some sun, exposing her belly to its warmth, she enjoyed the gentle breeze blow over her skin.
"You know," Erza quietly said after a long time. She had only ever sent thoughts or gestures to her baby, now daring to speak up as if it were already sitting atop her stomach. "He might be braver than all of Fairy Tail combined," she speculated. "He has so many things he is afraid of while the rest of us don't much bother asking ourselves whether we mind. His answer is always yes, but he still does it," she explained in a hushed timbre. "He does it despite knowing that he minds," she hardly noticed him advance until the water splashed so close to the shore already.
The hand over her belly pressed down, as if being able to stifle the non-existent voice of the baby as not to betray them – their secret talk. Yet, she felt as if she had to finish.
"I don't know which way I'd prefer you to become…" she whispered. A mixture was hard to imagine, the Fairy Tail intrepidity and Jellal's prudence battling in her thoughts.
Her eyes flashed to the side, head not lifting where she could watch his legs cross over to the other lounger. Gazing at him from below, Erza could not look away anymore when seeing him run a towel through his hair. That hair was certainly something she would miss on the baby should scarlet prove to indeed be dominant.
"Well?" Jellal pulled her out of her pondering. Blinking to focus on his eyes, she tilted her head in puzzlement. "What did you coax Little Nibbles into craving for today's first dessert?" He grinned. Her heart hammered shortly in fondness at his words; his mood, while her cheeks tinted in pink at how he had caught her.
Her lips retracted as not to be bitten and give the playfulness away.
"We're leaving it up to you," she shrugged nonchalantly. "Though he might have mentioned something about having to burn the calories later on…" she trailed, an innocent finger drawing up the arm rest, eyes following. Jellal exhaled strongly in silent laughter.
"So what are we calling it?" He suddenly appeared right in front of her, lids lowered in a dangerously seductive way. This time, she could not help biting her lip. "Dessert after dessert?" He grinned.
Throwing her arms around his neck, attacking his lips right then and there, she made it very difficult for her husband to get them inside before the apparently first dessert. A challenge he gladly took on.
"You know," Jellal said once having caught his breath – something that took her much longer by now. She had to smile. It was such a small detail to start a sentence that way, but it was never insignificant. It was their thing. One of many. "I'm convinced that I'm still our biggest problem," he sighed without the anticipated rue.
Erza opened her mouth to object, but Jellal was faster.
"I'm also still the person I fear most in the world," he went on. A flash of amusement creased his brow. "Right after you, of course," he added. Her own frown wiped off, she had to giggle. It melted into a hum when he propped himself up beside her, pecking her cheek. The sheepishness gave way to seriousness, though it was a soft, amicable one. "I still have to learn this when it comes to myself, but I did learn to love you," he lowered himself to the height of her stomach, eyes falling to her navel, "and you.
"I'm sorry it took me so long," he kissed the supple skin of her belly. Erza felt her blush return, her heart pounding heftily; gladly against her ribs. "But just to let you know," his lowered voice vibrated against her, leaving tiny hairs to stand on end, "I love you very much," Jellal whispered.
He glanced up then, seeing the tears stand in her eyes. She hardly noticed. Her lips wobbled into a smile, a sniffle rippling through her. Affectionately, he returned the smile. He took her hands in his.
"And I love you. More than I can put into words," he kissed her knuckles, "or actions," he pressed his lips to her right palm, followed by the left. The sheets rustled, the mattress wobbling beneath them as he crawled up to her face once more. Moaning rather than sighing with content, Erza welcomed his kiss wholeheartedly.
In recollection of the past days and weeks, she could not have been happier now when one of his hands wandered down her flank once again. No hesitation, no guilt, no fear.
"Even if my issues with myself remain, that last escapade of ours has certainly proven how unsurpassable of a team we are, and that even with my occasional lack of confidence," the grin twitched across his face again, "we can manage anything as long as we do it together," his palm cupped her belly, warmth shining in his eyes. "That includes little Bingo here," he concluded.
Erza broke out into laughter at that. Sputtering slightly with tears still standing in her eyes and a sniffle interrupting her laughter every now and then, she squeezed the hand he still held on to.
"I think I prefer Bingo over Baby Scarlet," she giggled. Wiping one eye, her breathing calmed. "Unless you're going to call it Baby Fernandes, too,"
"You have a point, actually," he propped his elbow up to support his head. "We're going to have to come up with both a first and last name since we both kept ours,"
"You're good at that; just make up a new one," Erza grinned. She yelped, laughing when his finger's poke in her side acted as punishment.
"Hey," he nagged, settling in next to her.
"Don't get too comfortable," she immediately nudged his side. Jellal blinked in puzzlement. "You haven't forgotten my other dessert, have you?"