"No," Allison muttered tossing and turning in the on-call room bed, "no."
In her dream she was alone, no one stood near her. She squinted at her hand, no rings, the trio of rings she wore any time she wasn't in the OR was gone. She looked around the room, it was a bedroom but it was girly. Too girly.
"Asher," Allison called.
"Your high school boyfriend," the guy next to her asked.
"Who are you," Allison asked.
"Tony," The guy replied, "Al what's gotten into you?"
"What," Allison asked.
"You had a long night in the OR and we had a few drinks when you got home, you called me for sex," Tony replied.
"Where are Asher and Everly and Andy," Allison asked.
"Asher is the guy who knocked you up in highschool," Tony said, "you don't want kids you had your tubes tied in medical school. Everly is your youngest niece."
"No Everly is my daughter," Allison replied, "I gave birth to her my senior year."
"You did but your sister adopted her," Tony explained, "you've had more than booze are you high?"
"But we kept Ev and I married Asher," Allison argued, "we have a three year old son and I'm 28 weeks with our third. I love my kids."
"You spoil Everly," Tony sighed, "but you're auntie Allie."
"Is this a dream or a premonition," Allison asked, "how old am I?"
"It's showing you what might have been," Tony said, "if you had made another choice in highschool. If you had listened to Asher's parents. I'm half guide, half friend with benefits. You're still 31."
"But I'm still a surgeon," Allison asked.
"You are," Tony replied, "you're a trauma surgeon and chief resident. You decided to follow your dad after you watched one of your friends get hit by a drunk driver while out partying."
"Who," Allison asked.
"Oliva," Tony replied, "she just barely made it. Then you finally stopped partying and took school seriously. You're finishing your residency and going to work with the world health organisation providing free surgery in third world countries."
"Why did I not raise my daughter," Allison asked, "does she still have cerebral palsy?"
"She does," Tony replied, "you wanted to be a teenager. You gave her to Annie."
"What about Asher," Allison asked.
"He's a linesman and works on power lines out of town," Tony replied, "you see him once a year for Everly's birthday and you barely talk. He tried to ruin your life. You almost married him in high school but came to your senses."
"But," Allison started.
"No you chose school and your friends and being a college kid," Tony replied, "you take Everly out every other week for something the two of you."
"Can I see her," Allison asked.
"Text Annie," Tony replied.
Allison texted Annie who agreed she could go over in an hour. Allison got out of bed and got dressed. She found a small sports car in the drive way of the town house, very different from her real life van. She drove to Annie's house after figuring out where she was.
Allison got out of the car and met Everly on the porch. Ev was sitting in a power wheelchair reading.
"Hi princess," Allison called.
"Auntie Allie," Everly looked up.
"You call her sweet pea," the now invisible Tony whispered.
"How was your week sweet pea," Allison asked sitting on the bench beside Everly.
"Mom said you were coming but it's not our week," Everly said.
"What do you want to do your mom and I are switching vehicles," Allison smiled.
"Can we go to the art gallery," Everly asked.
"And lunch," Allison assured. She was surprised to see Everly in a power chair.
In Annie's adapted mini van Everly chatted away about school, friends and her swim team. Allison didn't recognize the friends name but was relived Everly was still swimming.
"Uncle Asher hasn't called in weeks," Everly complained, "his wife doesn't like me."
"I'm sorry sweet pea," Allison sighed, "I know him and I don't always get along but I can text him. Your birthday is coming up do you have your eye on anything special?"
"I want to go to the Hailey Swift concert," Everly said, "you like her mom Taylor Swift."
"If I can get us tickets I don't see why not," Allison smiled. She didn't like this world where she wasn't with Everly day today and she was apparently an unmarried, kid less party girl who enjoyed friends with benefits situations. The only part that intrigued her was working for WHO in emergency situations. She still could volunteer with doctors without borders when the kids were grown up.
Allison spent the day with Everly enjoying some aspects of just being the fun aunt.
"How was she," Annie asked when Allison brought Everly home.
"Great," Allison assured.
Annie shook her head, "you need to talk to her soon. Like you promised. That you didn't reject her because of her needs."
"We didn't even know when I was pregnant," Allison replied, "she was under a year but the adoption was in process."
"I know," Annie sighed, "she got it in her head at school that you gave her up because of it."
"I didn't think I was ready and that I could give her the life she deserved," Allison said automatically, she knew this had run through her head for her whole pregnancy with Everly.
"I know," Annie replied, running her hand through her grey hair.
"Her hip," Allison asked trying to sound casual.
"We're trying to find a surgeon who will do it," Annie replied, "it's hard to get people to work on my daughter not with my reputation. People don't want to risk it."
"Leave Grey Sloan," Allison replied, "look else where."
"We have," Annie replied, "we have a possibility at Columbia. I'd rather bring the doctor here then fly with Ev and try to do recovery in a strange city. Or we wait for Theresa when they come home."
"She's ortho it could work," Allison agreed.
"Bean when are you going to forgive yourself and let your self live and love," Annie asked.
Allison looked around seeing that no kids were present she whispered, "I regret it. If I could go back Annie I'd keep her."
"I know," Annie assured, "you love her and always will. She's important to you but you can still love and have another."
"The tubal," Allison replied.
"It's reversible," Annie replied, "you did the reversible one."
"With the right guy," Allison replied.
"Then start dating and stop meeting buddies in on call room," Annie replied, "I'm the chief's wife I know all."
In this world Allison had learned that Owen, Teddy and Megan were happily retired and now she figured out that Josh was chief.
"Everyone does it," Allison replied.
"I don't care," Annie assured, "Josh and I met in on call rooms when we were engaged and first married. Allie why don't you and Tony get serious? You two have a connection, work well together you hang out a lot. And he knows your past."
"Maybe," Allison agreed. The longer she was in this world the more she hated it. She didn't want to see more. She wanted her life back. Her loving husband and kids.
Allison's phone buzzed in her pocket with a call from the hospital. She took the call and dictated directions to the intern assuring that she would be there soon. She hugged Everly and Annie and left.
Allison woke up panting in the on call room. She felt for her necklace and was relieved to find her three rings, then she touched her belly relieved to find it rounded and her baby kicking. Her dream had only assured her that she wanted the life she had. With all its challenges she had made the right choice.
She grabbed her phone and checked the time 5:45am Asher would just be waking up for work. She gave him a quick call.
"Babe," Asher smiled, "it's early did you just get out of surgery?"
"No," Allison cried, "I just woke up I had the worst dream. "
"You've been having some weird dreams," Asher said, "what happened?"
"We gave Ev to Annie and you and I weren't together and didn't even talk and you didn't talk to or see Ev," Allison cried.
"It was a dream babe," Asher soothed, "I'm be at the hospital by 7 your mom is coming at 6:30 for the kids. Are you okay until I get there?"
"Ya," Allison sniffled.
"I'll see you soon babe," Asher assured, "it was a nightmare. You have me, I'm not going anywhere."
"I didn't like seeing a world where we aren't together and don't have our kids," Allison whined.
"It sounds awful," Asher agreed, "I will see you soon."
"Can you bring me food," Allison asked, "I ate everything I packed."
"I'll bring you a breakfast wrap from the freezer and some coffee," Asher promised, "I'll put two burritos in the oven now and wrap yours in foil so it's hot for you."
"Thank you," Allison replied, "I'll see you soon."
"You will," Asher promised, "I love you."
"I love you too," Allison smiled before hanging up.