′Cause I wanna touch you, baby
And I wanna feel you too
I wanna see the sun rise on your sins, just me and you
Light it up, on the run
Let's make love tonight
Make it up, fall in love, try
- dusk till dawn by Sia feat. Zayn
In this chapter you will find some smut for the first time. If you don't want to read it, you can just skip it. I put the text in italics. But I warn you, this is my first attempt in this direction as I know some have been waiting for it for a while.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
The house was old and made of white bricks. It lay lonely at the end of a narrow road on a slight hill.
It was already dark, but I recognized a few small beds that had been cultivated.
Gideon cleared his throat.
"You have to excuse. I live here with my younger brother Fabian. It's our old parents' house. We have not invested much time in maintaining the property. At the moment, we are otherwise quite busy.," he explained, glancing sideways at my reaction.
My gaze wandered to the small staircase in front of the front door, where a stone was missing. It all had its own charm - like Gideon himself. So, I looked at him happily and I took his hand in mine making him smile broadly at me and blush.
"It could definitely hit me worse.", I stated and hand in hand we went into the small house. I felt my steps falter a little with joyful excitement. It was the first time that I walked hand in hand with a man alone in his house. Of course, I've had a few dates with wizards and even a muggle. However, it never became anything serious as I was always lacking interest. But this time it felt good. Very good.
Inside, a young man's voice called, "Gideon, you are back already? I thought it was something serious? Did she…" Fabian felt silent when he saw me at his brother's side. His jaw dropped and his ears turned red. Fabian was slightly shorter and stockier than Gideon. But both had auburn hair. Gideon wore his hair longer and there were also some differences between the brothers in the face. Fabian had a longer nose, darker eyes and more freckles. I recognized him from the early days at Hogwarts.
He looked at us confused. Apparently, Gideon didn't bring any visitors at their home.
"Fabian, I told you about Catherine. She must live here for some time. She's probably being pursued by Death Eaters." Gideon explained as if bringing me here was logical for that reason. But Fabian really didn't seem surprised.
"Those bastards! So now they even have our healer in mind?" he snapped angrily, his hands clenching into fists and clenching his jaws.
"It looks like this. I assumed it was ok for-" Gideon began softly, but was immediately cut off again.
"Naturally. It's enough that they caught one of us. How do they know her identity?" Fabian immediately hit the sore spot of the order.
"Dumbledore suspects a spy in our middle. And I'll speak to Alastor at the office tomorrow. We have to find out who is providing the other side with the information." Gideon explained in a serious voice, still gripping my hand tightly as if someone else could snatch me away from him.
Fabian nodded and a strange expression flashed briefly across his face. But when he saw that Gideon was holding my hand with an iron grip, he looked at me happily.
"Hi! Nice to finally meet you. My brother has been talking about you for a long time. But I think I know you - you were at Hogwarts too, a few years below me, right?"
"Yes, I'm happy too, Fabian! You're in the Department of International Magical Cooperation, aren't you?" I asked, surprised that he even remembered me since we didn't overlap.
"I see Gideon has already introduced you to our family. You can take that as a compliment, otherwise he's rather secretive.", said Fabian and gave Gideon a meaningful look, which he returned with a grin. "He's not the type to brag about his status at his Hogwarts years or his skills as an auror, is he Gideon?"
"Shut up, Fabian. I'm not like our sister Molly." Gideon stated with raised eyebrows and mock seriousness. Both giggled in amusement. They looked like schoolboys plotting something. I had to smile.
"Then I'll show you the guest room. It's right next to mine." Gideon said, leading me up a spiral staircase to a bright and cheerful room.
In the cozy room was a bed, a couch with a table, a bookshelf with interesting looking photo albums and a cupboard made of sturdy dark wood.
"Shall we get your things from your apartment tomorrow? However, we must try to take a few detours. But my Disillusionment spells are definitely useful." Gideon said, eyeing me closely. He was certainly trying to find out if I had already gotten over the shock from the forest. But I only heard disillusionment spells and was ecstatic.
"That sounds exciting. Can you teach me? That would definitely be valuable given this strange situation."
"I see you're still learning, aren't you? But the master of the Disillusionment Charm is definitely Alastor. He'll surely bring you some kind of perfection at it if you ask him. But not today." The smile he gave me was gentle and generous and full of affection.
"Would you rather be alone now?" Gideon stated, already turning to go, but my hand hold him back.
I thought for a moment and this time it was me who eyed him. His body was in front of me and I've never been so clear what had to follow now. I took a deep breath and gathered my courage.
"No, honestly, I'd like to pick up where we left off in the woods, Gideon." I gave him a mischievous look and pulled my robes off. Gideon's eyes widened. He was surprised, but I saw a certain twinkle as his gaze travelled over my body tucked into a dress which flattered my figure.
He locked the door with a short wave of his wand before dropping into my arms. And it was the night I knew I wanted Gideon by my side as my steady partner, my lover. And it didn't take words to know that he felt the same way.
His kiss washed away every fear and hesitation in me. His hands found the zipper on my dress while my hands unbuttoned his shirt.
Our breathing was rapid, our hearts pounding with excitement.
I wanted to turn my brain off, stop thinking. To be held without fear of the future.
I wanted everything to stop and this moment to be just the two of us- alone in this room. That should be all that mattered. And in that moment, I felt like it was all he. Breathed in his scent, felt his warm skin.
"You are so beautiful", he said while his eyes suffered along every exposed inch of my body, wide with excitement and desire. I smiled at him because I knew he was aware that I had no previous experience in this area and that he wanted to ease my fears, which I didn't feel. Not with him.
My hands slid over his muscular chest. I shuddered with excitement and saw desire in his amber eyes as well. Gideon held my gaze as he brushed my mouth with his thumb, then planted a kiss on my open lips…
It consumed me completely, letting me feel every inch of it that night, slowly yet passionately. He held me in his strong arms while whispering how much he wanted and valued me.
"Do you think your brother can handle the fact that I moved in here so suddenly?" I asked as I snuggled into the strong arms of Gideon, who gently stroked my back.
"Yes, I don't think it bothers him much. That's what Fabian would have told me. But you feel it too, don't you?" Gideon stated, I turned my head to look into his worried eyes. "He's hiding something from me."
"I've only known him a few weeks, Gideon. But yes, he's holding something back from you. He avoids your direct glances when you ask how his day was or why he goes out again so late when times are so uncertain," I replied, but I was unsure to what extent my observations were true. Because in the end, Fabian was simply uncomfortable that he now had to share his brother's attention.
"You can tell you weren't recruited by Dumbledore for nothing. You can read people well. Maybe you should have been an Auror, too," Gideon said, smiling affectionately at me.
"Maybe, but I don't like to be active in a battle. My struggle is more to heal the damage or prevent it," I said, my eyes running over Gideon's bare chest. He was also physically fit due to his profession, and I noticed how I licked my lips as if I wanted to try him again, which was secretly true. I felt like I couldn't get enough of our physical closeness.
"Mh, it looks like we can't solve my brother's secret tonight, can we? What do you think if we turn to yours instead?" Gideon asked, a mischievous grin playing around his lips. Yes, he seemed to be able to read me just as well.
And already we began to kiss, our hands feverishly running over each other's bodies, heat permeated our bodies in search of release for our tension. And so, we forgot for each other all the horror that surrounded us.
One evening I was alone with Fabian because Gideon had to go back to the office for a meeting with his superior, the department head for magical law enforcement, Bartemius Crouch. I wanted to take the opportunity and speak to Fabian alone. Because I also sensed that Fabian was hiding something.
He was holding a book with the title dark magical unions in the history of magic, his eyes scanning the letters gravely. I knew he was absorbed in it, but I figured it was the perfect time for a private conversation with him and cleared my throat next to him to get his attention.
He frowned up at me before smiling.
"What is it?" he asked kindly.
"Fabian, if you're so withdrawn from Gideon because I've moved here, then I can understand that. I can also go back to my apartment. I haven't seen a Death Eater since the evening in the park. Maybe I won't be followed anymore and-" I began but Fabian raised a hand against me defensively.
"No! Stop! It really isn't. But on the contrary- it's great to see my brother so happy in dangerous times like these. You are incredibly important to him. And therefore also for me. So please don't step outside this door!" he explained vigorously.
"But what is it then, Fabian? I know something is weighing heavily on you. What is it?" I asked and sat down next to him on the couch. He closed his book noisily.
"You are similar in that. My brother and you. You always want to help others, whether you're able to or not." He sighed loudly. "I can't tell. It's not just about me, you know?"
"But whatever it is, I've found that there's never a way to deal with it alone. You have Gideon who is there for you, your friends, me. You are important to all of us. And we sense that you're not doing well." I explained.
I would never make the mistake of abandoning a friend again. And it seemed as if Fabian badly needed a friend. He eyed me, his body tensed for the moment and I held my breath in anticipation of whether he would share his secret with me. Had we already been able to build up this trust in the last few weeks? After all, we had spent a lot of time- here in this house and in the Order, as allies and as friends.
"Good. But under one condition: Nobody must know. Neither does Gideon. He couldn't understand. Ok?" His eyes were almost pleading, his face pale as if all blood had been drained from it at the thought of what he was hiding.
I took a sharp breath and thought about it for a moment. Was I even willing to hide such a seemingly immense secret from Gideon? Was it maybe something that could stand between us? Our connection had become so valuable to me and I didn't want to lose it under any circumstances. But it could be something I would have to keep from Gideon along with my childhood love for a Death Eater.
"I can be silent." I said in a tight voice, my throat suddenly feeling dry.
"Even with Gideon?" insisted Fabian, he certainly sensed my insecurity. But I stood my ground. Fabian desperately needed someone to confide in and I knew Gideon would be grateful that I would be that person.
"If I have to, yes," I said, but trepidation spread through me.
Fabian visibly considered whether he could trust me, but after a few seconds there was a visible jolt through his body.
"I met someone," he said quietly. That was it? He'd met someone he'd fallen in love with? I sighed briefly, but not only out of relief, but also out of amazement.
"And what is it that makes you so broken about it?" I asked, hearing the irritation in my own voice.
"He's a Death Eater." he said bluntly, looking into my eyes to gauge my reaction.
I sucked in the air sharply, but I held his gaze. So that's it. How could something like this happen? Fabian Prewett in love with a Death Eater. On the other hand... love always creates its own space. I finally experienced it myself and still feel it.
"How?" I asked with dry mouth.
"I met him while patrolling a muggle street. We had received a tip that it could be a target. There I met him. He was crying and shaking. He looked familiar to me." His eyes glazed over, and a smile formed on his lips at the thought of his boyfriend. "He… he's Sirius Black's younger brother."
"Regulus?" I asked in horror. I knew him from Hogwarts. Regulus resembled his brother Sirius with his black hair and a haughty look. However, he was slighter and shorter than Sirius. And I wondered at the same time if Sirius knew. Was he aware that his brother, whom he so despised, loved one of us? Maybe that made him more... like us? I nodded for Fabian to continue.
"Yes. Regulus was there and was supposed to kill the muggles, but he couldn't. He was crying because the task was getting too much for him and well... I comforted him. And I said I would hurt him enough that he could go back to Voldemort without losing face. Virtually wounded in combat trying to destroy the muggle house. He was so grateful to me and we talked. Regulus didn't know what he was doing when he joined Voldemort. He's still so young. All this violence has purified him. He was now wondering how he could get out. I offered to take him to Dumbledore and we could find a solution together. But Regulus was too scared. We then often met secretly and talked about his situation. And one night… we kissed and now we have a secret relationship." He looked at me with wide eyes. Ready for my judgement. But I couldn't give that to him. Instead, I looked at him with a blank face while my mind tried to process it all. A Death Eater, unhappy under Voldemort to these, faced with horror and purified? Was that possible? I knew Sirius had told us his brother was lost, inoculated with muggle hatred from the noble House of Black, obsessed with being pureblood. And now in love with a blood traitor and enemy.
"I feel so guilty. Like a traitor. In love with the enemy. But should I just do? Of course, I didn't give him any information about the Order. He hasn't even asked me about it yet…" He buried his face in his hands, his body trembled slightly. "Alright, and now you can attack me."
I thought about what he had told me. His situation could easily have been mine. With the difference that Severus wasn't going to drop out but was happy at his dark lord's side. But somehow this situation gave me hope. Maybe he too could still be convinced of the right thing, not lost forever.
"Why should I do that, Fabian?" I asked him in a soft voice, and I put my hand on his trembling shoulder. Fabian looked at me sceptically and shook his head vigorously.
"I'm a disgrace. How can I fall in love with a Death Eater?" Fabian asked in a tortured voice.
"But do we really have a choice? Isn't love something that just blows you away? With full power? Love doesn't choose friend or foe. It's just there." I stated in a low voice. Fabians eyes found mine and he paused to process my words.
"Yes. But what should I do now?" Fabian asked with a trembling voice. His eyes searched mine, hoping to get the one solution to all his problems from me. But I couldn't offer him that either because they simply didn't exist.
"Are you sure he's not using you to get information?"; I asked.
"Yes. Absolutely. He never asked me about the Order or a member. Instead, we talked about so many other things. He...When I'm with him I'm just so...happy." he stammered, his gaze was fixed firmly on me and I felt that I was the first person he had confided in.
"Then enjoy it and find a way for him to stay away from Voldemort. Go to Dumbledore! He might find a way and he can get him to safety and-" I began, but he shook his head again, his eyes locked on mine. It was the only thing I could advise him at that moment.
"No, Regulus doesn't want that. He wants to harm Voldemort first. He just doesn't know how yet. I told him it is too dangerous, but that doesn't stop him. He says he must do it to make up for his mistake of becoming a Death Eater." he said in a hoarse voice that almost seemed to crack with tension. I took his hand softly and squeezed it to comfort him.
"I understand. He also comes from a very special family, if I am correctly informed." I remembered a few anecdotes Sirius once gave me and Lily. His brotherly blood family is very respectful, fanatical supporters of the pure blood. How would a son fit in who betrayed their principles?
"Yes, his parents are proud that he serves Voldemort. They are purebloods as you imagine them. Disgusting. And if they also knew that their son loves someone like me..."
"What do you mean? A caring and humorous young man?" I asked, putting a smile on his face.
"You really are my brother's wife, aren't you?" laughed Fabian.
"I think he would understand, Fabian. Please tell Gideon all about you and Regulus. He's worried about you."
"Yes, at some point I will find the courage to do it. I thank you. It felt good to tell someone. That finally someone knows about us." he said and looked at me gratefully before we hugged brotherly.
Suddenly we heard the front door and ran towards Gideon, who flopped exhausted onto the couch and right into my arms.
Notes:
Yes, I know- you're waiting for Severus. But it would be impossible if she was having an affair with a Death Eater who has never confessed his feelings to her, right? But he's working on it.
And I know that at that time homosexuality was not treated as a matter of course. Even today it is´nt. But I agree with the main character here. Love is just where love wants to be.