Whumpay Day Twenty-Seven: Caught in a Net/Survivor's Guilt
Author's Note: Let's just say I watched a Certain Scene a few too many times, and uh. Well. :') Had to do SOMETHING with all the feels.
~ Rivana Rita
He can't move. He's trying. Needs to – stars he has to move Wrecker needs him and Tech's blade is an inch away from his hand and he can't pull back – the weight of his boot is keeping his arm pinned and he can't pull back as hard as he tries.
He rolls onto his stomach, struggling and twisting and squirming and trying desperately to break away but there's nothing.
He can't lose his hand. That's what makes him useful he can't lose that stars Force please –
He can't move. Can't pull away. He tries, but his head is spinning and swimming and he can't Tech's going to hurt him he's going to –
Stars –
He has hurt him, but this is different this is more and this isn't something he can pick himself back up from.
"You should be more careful," Tech says, his voice horribly distorted by his helmet and that's probably a good thing because Crosshair doesn't think he could handle hearing it in his real voice. He tries to pull away, but the weight of his boot is too much to break free from and stars no nononono – "With your shooting hand."
Something in him shatters. He's not supposed to cry. Not supposed to beg but this is Tech this is his brother he can't – please –
I'm sorry I did this to you. I'm sorry I made you this. I know what I did but please don't hurt me don't do this I can't –
Crosshair jerks and tries to wrench away, tears spilling down his face. "Tech, please. Don't do this don't – please –" This isn't him and he knows that but he doesn't care can't care can't – he can't do this –
Something pauses.
He's crying. Sobbing. Shaking. He can't move can't – he can't make it stop no one can make it stop he's back here the one place he never, ever wanted to see again please –
Tech's supposed to be the one who takes care of him but he's not he won't because he's not him anymore, because Crosshair got him killed.
"I'm sorry." He's struggling and trying to get away but he can't move and the pressure's too much. He needs it to stop can't let this happen he can't lose his hand. "Please, Tech. Don't do this."
The weight on him shifts and Crosshair wrenches and rolls away the millisecond he has a chance, scrambling as far back as he can move. His fingers are burning and he's fairly certain Tech's weight probably broke something, but he can deal with a break or fracture or whatever as long as – as –
Crosshair's back slams into the debris pile or wall or whatever he hit earlier. They're still there still coming still –
Stars.
There's no way out. There's nothing –
He curls in on himself, away from Tech away from everything and pressing his hand to his chest and curling around it. His wrist aches from where it was stepped on but it's still there it's still there and that's the genuine most he can ask for.
The blade is pressed to his neck. He leans back from it, pressing against the wall, panting, tears still flowing freely. It's weak but he doesn't care, can't care, even if it means he's useless and a failure and they'll kill him – this is Tech he's his brother he can't – can't –
"Why do you keep calling me that?"
Crosshair can't look at him. He can't look at anything but the blade pressed to his neck and digging into his skin. He's gonna die here, isn't he? At Tech's hand. He wants to get out. Away. Out of here. Hunter and Wrecker are down, and there's no one else coming. He's trapped here. Alone. With Tech. Again. Raw, gutted terror is ripping him apart and he can't move he's still trapped still – there's no way out. Not for him.
"There is no escape."
"That's your name." His voice is broken and strangled but he can still talk even if the blade is pressing into his neck and he feels the warmth of the blood welling and soaking his clothes. "Tech. From – before. When you were my brother."
His body shudders with a strangled sob. The blade slides deeper. It's not stopping it never stops it never gets easier never – stars he needs to get out of here needs –
He can't handle Tech hurting him. Not that it'll matter much longer, anyway – he'll be dead soon enough.
His tears sort of sizzle when they land on the blade. It's too close too close too –
He wants to move to get away to get out of here but there's – he can't move and Tech is too close way too close. He can't get out.
"I'm not your brother," he says, "I never was."
He's not Tech but Crosshair wants his brother back. He doesn't want to accept Tech's gone though he knows it and there's no way out. That's better than believing Tech is doing this to him – he wouldn't he wouldn't he wouldn't –
There's nowhere to go.
If they don't kill him, they'll make it – worse. Much worse. They'll hurt him until he begs for death and beyond. They were keeping him alive for – something. There's no one and nothing and he's alone.
His tears don't stop. He bites his lip, trying to stay quiet and still to keep from being hurt worse but he's as far back as he can get. His helmet is pressed back firmly against the debris pile and his head is throbbing. His neck is burning, and a quiet, strangled whimper slips out.
The blade is ripped back, and Crosshair gasps, panting. He doesn't dare lean forward.
Tech reaches down, grabbing his neck and jerking him upright. The pressure on his throat cuts off his airway and Crosshair jerks, struggling. "You're weak," he snarls.
He knows that.
He is.
Tech's close too close and he needs to get away to move to –
He tries to move, and his brother's knee rams into his side. A surge of raw pain shoots through his side as the ribs Ventress so nicely fractured snap altogether.
He's staring into the lenses of Tech's masks when darkness finally claims him.
**w**
Crosshair knows where he is before he wakes. The dark, depressed emptiness in the air says enough.
The training room.
Or torture room.
He hears the screaming first.
It sounds like a reg. For a moment, Crosshair thinks it is, until his mind catches up.
It's not.
It's Hunter.
Stars.
He's going to throw up, and he's strapped down on his back right now and he'll suffocate and then he'll die and it will be very messy for Tech to clean up, assuming he's nice enough to clean it up at all.
Crosshair's had nightmares about the voices being Hunter. There was nothing he's more afraid of than that. He can envision Hunter's body spasming and him struggling to escape the onslaught of electricity. This is Hunter. Stars.
There's nothing Crosshair can do. This is why he didn't want to come back to Tantiss. He knew this would happen, but Omega didn't give them a choice. He doesn't blame her, really, just –
His ribs are burning. His neck throbs where there's no doubt bruising, but really, it's not like he didn't let Ventress do the same to Wrecker. He's alive. He's – in one piece. Maybe. That's a plus.
What doesn't is how he's already awake, and they'll be moving onto him soon.
The screaming finally dies to a stop, along with the buzzing of electricity.
He slowly pulls an eye open to look around. Closes it again the millisecond he registers Tech standing nearby, watching him.
Stars.
They're under his control now. He's the one hurting them. Torturing them.
Hunter.
He never, ever needs to know who's really doing this to him. It's bad enough Crosshair does. He watched them rip Tech's mind to pieces and make – this instead, and he does not have the strength to endure that again. Either way, they're all screwed. Both literally and figuratively, because all the CX's are part machine.
His heartrate spikes and Crosshair tries not to let it show. He closes his eyes, tries to look semi-relaxed and invisible. To disappear.
They don't try to shield each other from this. That makes them weak. It makes them expendable, breakable – it's easier to get it over with and either die or be gone. Crosshair knows that. He's seen it happen to every single one. Has watched their minds be ripped apart and they lose themselves to nothing.
He can't watch the same happen to Hunter.
Tech's still watching him, or at least Crosshair thinks he is – he can feel the weight of the look at the tension prickling at every inch of his body. At least Hemlock's not here.
Panic is clawing at his chest with an aching desperation, but there's nothing he can do. Echo and Omega are loose inside the facility somewhere, and their only hopes at anything is being found, though after how far things've come, he doesn't find it likely.
His hand is shaking again. He clenches it, fingers digging into his palm even if the movement is agonizing and willing it to stop – trying to shake the ache out usually helps, but this is worse and he can't move or he'll get attention.
He's almost certain Tech's finally turned away when he feels something touch his hand. Crosshair gasps, trying to jerk away but he can't move again. He just wants to get away, to get as far from Tech as he physically can and just – out of here. He wants to cry again. Tries to pull away, but the restraints are metal and too firm, and he can't get out of them. He needs out. All the CX's probably know his hand is shaking. They all saw it. Tech was – oh, stars, he can't think about that at all right now.
He's going to hurt him again and Crosshair will just have to deal with that. He wants to beg him to stop again but that's weak and he can't because it'll mean he's defective and they'll just kill him – he's seen that happen way too many times.
He's seen Tech put down their reg brothers without a millisecond of hesitation, because orders were orders. He still feels sick from it.
His hand is still shaking. It feels worse now.
It's been getting worse since they came to Tantiss. Steadily worse. He doesn't want that rubbed in, thank you very much, Tech.
Crosshair hasn't been touched in ages unless someone was trying to hurt him. Being back home was a jarring change. It was – relieving to not have to be tense and wound up any more, but that calm only lasted a few days before everything blew up, and here they are again.
"It's defective," he says, like Crosshair doesn't already know that.
"It's fine," he argues, breathing hitching. He can hardly breathe at all – this is Tech and he's going to hurt him he's the one doing this it's going to get worse.
Tech pulls back, and if Crosshair could actually look at him, he knows he'd be staring at him disbelievingly, arms crossed with that look he gives him and Wrecker whenever they're being stupid. He tries to scoot away. Wishes he could shove his hand under him and keep it hidden and unseen and just – stars. He's not even going to get to keep it – that much is obvious. Tech's making that way too clear. "There's not room for defects –"
"Leave him alone," Hunter snarls, breathless but furious. He's cut off with another surge of electricity, voice breaking off into a scream.
Crosshair flinches.
He wants to yell at them to stop. He wants to make this stop to make everything stop. This could kill him. They don't often let the electrocution go that far, but Hunter's different. Electricity is his weakness, and it can hurt him so much easier than the others. But telling them that would be showing them one of Hunter's weak points, and Hemlock will just have him killed.
Tech will kill him and that's – that's worse.
"People can change."
"I never gave up on you, did I?"
Shut up, he snarls at Omega's voice in his head. She's naïve. She doesn't – this isn't their brother anymore, and Crosshair knows that. Tech is gone.
Tech died for them. He wouldn't want them to die trying to get him back.
The electricity dies off again, and Hunter's screams fade out into a quiet gasping groan.
Crosshair looks around, finally – Wrecker's in the room, though he tries not to look too closely. Moving hurts. His ribs are burning, but well, they'll be getting a whole lot worse soon enough. Tech is watching him.
Air freezes in his lungs. He tries to force himself to breathe, because this would be such a stupid way to die.
A "You really don't remember us?" slips out almost without meaning to, because he knows the answer, but there was a moment where... where he wondered, but he can't think about it.
Tech shifts slightly closer to him. "I remember a child. Your hair was gray."
"Mm-hmm." Tears prick his eyes again – they're burning and it's not stopping.
"I am not him," Tech says, and his heart skips a beat from the gaze. His helmet is blurred over. "If you want to survive, forget you knew any of them." He nods to the others, and Crosshair's gut flips.
This isn't his brother anymore. Doesn't mean it's not impossible to look at him and not feel gutted alive. Probably, they'll be doing that literally in a day or two. Doesn't want to think about that.
Tech wouldn't tell him that. Maybe. Probably – he would want Crosshair to live. He wouldn't want him to be hurt. He never would.
"You're still their brother, Crosshair."
"They're my brothers," he says, anyway, because he has to try even if he doesn't know why this isn't Tech and it never could be he's not him anymore his brother is dead, "And so are you."
But – that brother is gone.
Tech is gone, and he can't – live with that. They need him. Stars, they need him but that's gone like everything else, and Crosshair's mind shuts off when Hunter's screams fill the room again.
**w**
He keeps watching them. It's his job, but this is more.
He wants to throttle 9903 for reasons entirely unknown, and expects to get hit right back.
He remembers something. Something screeching and breaking. Metal. A voice. Deep and panicked.
"Don't you do it, Tech."
"We're a family, aren't we?" whispers a feather-soft voice from someone else's lifetime.
That's not who he is. They aren't his family.
He's CX-2, not Tech or whoever it is 9904 keeps calling for and talking to. They're soldiers. They don't have room for sentiment if they're going to survive.
"Then, let's get started."
That voice is reg-like. Close, but not the same. He doesn't know why that flash is so Important.
The other clones make it in, and 9903 somehow gets his restraints off and throws half of the machine by him across the room.
Everything erupts into chaos, and CX-2 follows Hemlock and the child outside.
"You're a clone, too," the girl says, looking up at him, though the words are lost and disjointed in his head. They make sense, but they don't. "You don't have to do this." They mean something, though he does not know what, nor understands it. The girl is half turned around as she walks, looking up at him, her blond hair soaked and sticking to her face. The imagery is familiar, too, which is strange. (It reminds him of Crosshair. But this is her own person. A name he can't quite remember. A kid.) "You can come with us, you know. You're our brother, too. We're here to free all our brothers. You deserve a chance."
CX-2 just looks at her. 9904 had tried to talk to him, too. (He understands what she's saying. Crosshair had said the same thing.)
"Your mind's still yours," she continues, "You can make your own choices. It doesn't belong to him."
"Their minds stopped being theirs long ago," Hemlock tells her, and something about that feels important, though he doesn't know why.
"That's not true," she argues fiercely.
There's a shootout back in the training room. He can hear the blaster fire, and genuinely thought it'd be longer before 9901 and 9904 show up, blasters out and shoot down his ship before it can even land.
He turns, drawing his rifle and 9904 shoots it out of his hands again.
He grabs his brothers' arm when he moves to shoot him. He'll never survive if he's so stubbornly sentimental.
Hemlock pulls the blaster on the girl.
CX-2 thought she was supposed to be kept safe. That's what his orders were, and seeing her being held at blaster point feels – wrong.
"We're a family, aren't we?"
"So are you."
The voices in his head are getting increasingly distracting.
The girl stabs Hemlock, and 9904 shoots their binders apart. He throws her over the edge, and for the first time, he doesn't think. He doesn't have to be told.
In his mind, he hears a distant, panicked cry of his name, feels himself giving a hold on and diving forward, and sees her hand missing his by an inch. (He remembers Crosshair reaching for him on Teth, the quiet voice whispering in his mind that he can't kill him they need him alive he can't die.) He sees her fall and hears her scream, and he is not going to let that happen again.
He ducks into a roll and grabs her wrist, yanking her up.
The others have already shot Hemlock over the edge, and even if protecting him was CX-2's primary mission objective, he feels nothing over failing it.
The others are moving closer, blasters still raised and trained on him.
CX-2 pulls the child over the edge. She's panting and a little shaken, but she smiles brightly when she looks at him. He feels like he's seen that face a thousand times before. "Thank you," she says, hands on his arm. He's felt that before, too.
The child pulls back and shifts away from the edge. She isn't a threat. Why was she touching him? (The last touch that didn't hurt was Crosshair's on Teth when he was reaching for him and that is abnormal, too.)
"It's okay," she shrugs, "They're not gonna hurt you."
He looks up at them. They're traitors. Of course, they will.
"Why are you helping us?" 9901 asks, his blaster still raised and steady.
(He sees the way they're standing so close to each other.)
("We're a family.")
He looks at the child again. "The target was not to be harmed," he answers, standing.
She looks up at the other two, biting her lip.
"Is that all?" 9904 asks.
An almost irrational anger swells up inside him, something not fully is but wild and fierce. "Whoever you want me to be, I am not," he snarls, "Just as you weren't who you were made to be. You were brought to Tantiss with a reason."
"I'm not an experiment," 9904 argues. "Neither are you."
"Tech is gone," he retaliates. "I am what remains."
The kid inhales sharply, and 9901 lowers his blaster, his eyes wide. "Crosshair?" he asks.
He flinches but doesn't falter.
"You knew?" He sounds angry. Incredulous.
"It's not him," Crosshair answers shortly. "He doesn't remember us."
The girl is crying and is somehow as uncomfortable by that as when Crosshair was earlier. He thinks he's seen it before, though he doesn't remember. It feels like he should. There was a time when these were all his family, though they didn't choose him.
She throws her arms around his waist, and CX-2 freezes. He does a triple-check over of her for weapons, but she doesn't have a blaster, or a knife or anything sharp. She doesn't have a makeshift weapon whether, so she is probably not attempting to harm him?
"We – we gotta get to the shuttle," 9901 sighs. "Are you coming?"
He looks down at the girl, still clinging to him, and remembers –
"Your mind's still yours."
"You can make your own choices."
"We're a family, aren't we?"
"So are you."
**w**
Wrecker throws himself onto the bench beside Crosshair with a dramatic "wake me next year" groan, though he seconds that so bad. Many of them are injured, but they got out everyone who was alive.
He groans wordlessly, eyes closer, leaning on Wrecker's shoulder. His hand is burning and so are his ribs. He wants to sleep for a lifetime. Hunter's screams are still ringing in his head.
Omega hasn't moved from maybe-not-quite-so-not-not-Tech's side. Exactly as he figured she would.
He was terrified of what would happen if they knew about Tech. Carrying that knowledge alone was so, so hard, but Tech had him promise to – to do what needed to be done if he lost himself, and it'd been hard but he'd been Crosshair's responsibility. He's why he was taken there and why he was hurt and everything. Everything his brothers have been through since he left is on him.
Crosshair was willing to fight him and leave him because he thought he was gone, but Tech proved there's still a little bit of him there. He didn't hurt him when he could've. He was going to, and he probably still would have, but he hesitated.
Crosshair doesn't want to think that means something. He does, but... he also doesn't.
Hunter sits on his other side, wincing, face pale. They're on the way to Pabu now, where AZI will patch them up. Wrecker's basically out of it, and after he sits, he doesn't stir.
"Crosshair?" Hunter asks quietly, taking his usable hand. He sounds hurt. "Why didn't you tell us?"
He sighs. The air is cold. Everything is cold, and he feels so... empty. Tech is here and that's supposed to be a good thing. They're all alive, even if they're hurt, but... "I – I always knew," he mutters, avoiding his gaze, avoiding everything. He hates that he's trying to hide from Hunter, too. "But he's – he's not him, Hunter." He tries not to remember the weight of the boot on his arm and his brother's hands on his neck. "Not anymore."
"He's with us now, Crosshair."
He was going to cut his hand off, and Crosshair can't say that. He can hardly think about it, but he can't stop. He was going to, and it was so close. He could have hurt him. Tech would never do that. To anyone. Not to Crosshair. "What was I supposed to do?" he snaps back, "Let you go after him? He'd kill you."
Hunter squeezes his hand. "It's okay," he says, voice softening though he's definitely still angry. "Just – get some rest."
He leans closer into Wrecker. His twin brother always means safe. Hunter, too, but things are – complicated now. (Or maybe it's just that he's angry and after Tech he can't deal with that anymore.)
**w**
Emerie insists on patching them up. Crosshair doesn't get a say in it – okay. He starts refusing, and she looks like a kicked tooka, and he feels awful enough he gives in and lets her set the dozen-something bones from when Tech tried to mash his hand out of existence.
She looks disgruntled when Wrecker shoves her around a bit, but not annoyed, and Crosshair thinks she likes them. He can't say the same, but well – Omega had said a lot about her. She's not all bad.
"People can change."
He tries not to think about Tech, or about how the shadow of their brother keeps watching him from a distance off. He'll probably have to talk to him – just like he did with Hunter when he first came back, but it's not something he wants to or can handle right now.
AZI does the scans and injections on Hunter – nothing's broken, just bruised and internal electric injuries.
Omega helps patch up Echo until Emerie goes to do that herself, too.
Tech is still watching from a distance off. He's just – watching.
Crosshair can't look at him. He wants to hide. Genuinely – he has no idea if Tech is going to hurt them again. He's so, so scared. He's not supposed to be scared. Tech would never hurt them. He wouldn't. He doesn't quite know how to tell Hunter that he watched Tech as his mind was ripped away into nothing. That isn't something he could talk about.
He couldn't lose them, too.
(He can't believe he actually begged Tech not to hurt him. Yeah, it worked, since it threw him off for a little while, but he still – that was weak. If any of the regs did that in the – training, they were killed. Hemlock had them shot for being weak and defective.)
(He tries not to remember Tech touching his hand, the iciness of his "it's defective" – he was – stars –)
He manages to avoid Tech until late that evening. The other clones are still up and about, taking a little while to just be before they think about leaving, and Crosshair genuinely is not in a rush for Echo or Emerie or maybe even Tech to leave.
Tech is the one who comes to him. He sits nearby, distant and awkward.
Crosshair instinctively draws his right arm a little closer to him. His hand is shaking again.
"I remember this place," Tech says – he sounds like himself again with his helmet off. He looks so similar, but his eyes are different. They're wild. "You were not here when I was, were you?"
Crosshair wordlessly shakes his head. "I'm sorry. I'm why you were captured." He tries to rub the throbbing ache out of his hand. He's on pain meds for it right now, and it shouldn't hurt but it does. He's genuinely expecting to be hit or – he doesn't know and nor does he know why he's saying this. "I let the Empire hurt you." That was never something he could tell Hunter. He has no idea how to express that he got Tech killed for him. That he watched as his brother's mind was ripped apart and he was pieced back together into something he was never meant to be.
"I... cannot be the brother you miss," he replies, though his voice is softer than Crosshair remembers hearing it in months.
Part of him feels awful for wanting it, because Crosshair already knows that, and he knows Tech can't help it. It's not his fault, but he feels so empty. "I know." He doesn't even know how to talk to him anymore. Crosshair never really used to do the talking in their relationship. Tech did it all, and he just listened.
He just wants things to be normal again.
He still vividly remembers the blade digging into his neck.
"Crosshair," Tech says, and he looks up. He hasn't heard him say his name in – forever. It's so, so strange to hear. "That's your name."
His heart skips a beat, flickering and chest clenching. "Yeah."
"We're more than soldiers," Crosshair says finally. "Being defective is in our nature, but that's what makes us useful. We – always used that to our advantage. It's what made us so effective."
"That isn't what it was like on Tantiss."
"It doesn't matter," he says, "We're free now." Neither of them really know what freedom is. Tech did, but this isn't Tech. Not... anymore. Tech wouldn't hurt him. His brother is gone. He – left on Kamino, and Crosshair is never going to get to see him again.
It had hurt so much that Tech let him walk away. At least he wasn't fighting, but he just let him go, and that had hurt, too.
"There is no other life for us."
"I... used to think so too." He remembers that. That was – why he'd left. He couldn't fathom being anything else, and Crosshair knows somewhere inside that's why Echo left, too. He's never quite been able to accept being more. "But I was wrong. I'm more than a number. I'm not going to be forgotten, and neither will you."
He doesn't know what Hemlock turned Tech into. He's not sure he ever could. He doesn't understand how his mind works, or why he... is like this. He doesn't know how much of a mind he even has left anymore.
"Crosshair." His voice has a toughness to it that Tech's never used to have, but he sounds more him-like. "You will have to let him go."
Crosshair looks up, attempting to look him in the eye for the first time. There's still a wildness to him, a – he's not... Tech used to be gentle. He always was. He had a certain wildness to him, but...
He never got to apologize to Tech. He did to Hunter, and Wrecker had gotten it in the way Crosshair knew he would. Omega had come to him. Echo was – different.
He never got that closure with Tech. He never knew, and now he never will.
"I can't." He wants to cry again. His hand throbs dully and Crosshair tries not to think about that. He wishes he could feel something else but – Tech did this to him. He was – "I – I never got to talk to him again. I let him walk away. I got him captured. Everything that happened to you – was because of me." Crosshair looks away from him. He throbs in about a dozen places between the fight with Tech and the others. The fear doesn't go away. It's still twisting and nipping at him, whispering and demanding he move, that he take cover or – go. Just –
He doesn't want to be alone with Tech. Not now. Not – ever, really, actually, but he owes him this. He's hurt all of them. There's not really a way to make it up.
"You were the youngest," Tech says finally, "I had to keep you alive."
Not unhurt. Alive. All the CX's are part machine.
Tech wasn't trying to hurt him. Not only. He thought this was some twisted version of protection, because if Hemlock knew he'd have Crosshair killed.
He's going to throw up. Genuinely. He can't think about this at all.
Crosshair wraps his arms tighter against himself. "I know. Why – did you come with us?"
"I'm not aware of anywhere else I should be."
Hemlock is gone. He doesn't have to worry about Tech turning on them again unless he thinks he has a reason, which – he doesn't. Trying to accept or process and deal with that is going to be hard, though. He doubts it'll ever really go away, and there's still the – the fact that his brother is gone.
An apology burns in the back of his throat, but he doesn't feel like he can quite come out and say it. It's too blunt and pointed.
He knows Tech probably has a million questions about all of this, about why they're just living and what it means, but he would never voice them. Not to Crosshair, at least, because he's his older brother, and that's not the way they are. He can't guess those questions enough to answer them, though.
(He can't stop remembering struggling and the panicked, desperate pleas he still can't believe he voiced. He'd been so scared. It was weak. Tech was right about that. Crosshair wishes he could stop trying to see them as the same.)
He's about at the edge of his conversation ability, and mostly just wants to go find Hunter or Wrecker and pretend nothing else in the galaxy exists. Omega, too, but she'll be fussing and asking and talking, and he doesn't want to talk. To anybody.
He doesn't want to go, because he doesn't want to look like he's running, which he would be. He doesn't want to make his uncomfortableness more obvious than it is already.
"The others," he asks finally, "What are their names?"
His heart clenches. "Hunter, Echo, and Wrecker."
"Hunter, Echo, Tech, Wrecker and Crosshair. You're Clone Force 99."
They're down two. Up one. No. No – they can't be destined to be only four members. That's not a reality Crosshair is willing to accept.
He can't let Tech go.
And maybe that's not so bad. Maybe. He doubts it'll get him anywhere, but Omega had stubbornly sat by his side, no matter what was burning around them, no matter what Crosshair burned to make her go, refusing to leave. She hadn't cared what he did, because all that mattered to her was getting him back.
It's what he needed.
Maybe that's what Tech needs, too.
But Crosshair isn't Omega. He doesn't have her stubbornness, nor her goodness. She's so gentle and kind. Crosshair isn't any of that. He's not worth anything for.
He feels restless on Pabu sometimes. That's why he still practiced with his rifle so much – or, it was part of it. He knew they wouldn't be out of the fight forever.
But Crosshair had been in prison for days, months, doing absolutely nothing, so he's good at the... restlessness. He's used to it.
Tech, though, is different. He did a lot to this planet. Once, Crosshair would've thought he'd take solace in fixing it, but he doesn't know anymore.
This Tech has forgotten that emotions are even important. It was stamped out of the CX's as part of their – reprogramming. He couldn't have survived if he held on.
"I know I – did a lot of things," Crosshair supplies at last, "I... want to make up for them with you, too." He knows Tech is watching him, and Crosshair can't look up. He feels self-consciously invisible and genuinely wants to disappear. He's too tired to be scared, but he can't help it.
The I don't want you to hurt me again is burning way predominantly in the back of his mind.
"I remember when I fell," Tech replies finally. "And I made my choice." He knows Tech is struggling, and he should really talk to Hunter or Echo – maybe even Emerie. Maybe. Crosshair thinks they could find solace in each other. They left the Empire at once, and Emerie is lost, too.
Something in him loosens a little at the admission. Maybe that is what he needed to hear, even if he doesn't believe it, because Crosshair's still the one who dragged their family to where it ended up. No one made him.
"We made a choice, and so did you."
"You chose the wrong side."
He's still too afraid to hope. Maybe he should talk to Hunter and Wrecker. Omega will always cling to the impossible hope of getting their Tech back, but his brothers are more... logical. If Crosshair wants to know the truth instead of what he wants to hear, he'll have to go to them.
Right now, maybe he'll just sit here. Just a little longer.
"What were we like?" Tech asks finally.
He turns it over in his head, trying to find words to describe them. "Quintessential," he mutters dryly. Figures that's what Tech would say. Perfect isn't enough. "Wrecker would blow up about everything he touched. Hunter upgraded from blasters to knifing droids."
"I thought he was the reasonable one."
Crosshair laughs. He can't help it. It's bitter and maybe a little empty, but still there. "Common mistake. He's the stupidest." His heart swells with fond adoration, anyway. More when he finally remembers, realizes something else. This is the first time he's actually talked about his brothers since – since he left, and it's strange. It feels nice, even if it hurts that he's talking to one of them.
"Tech –" His voice breaks a little over the name, but he keeps talking, "Recorded things. I'm sure we have a backup if you want to see."
Maybe showing this to shadow-Tech isn't a good idea, but Tech never gave up on him, either. He came back, even if he knew what it could mean, and Crosshair will do the same for him. Assuming any of the recordings survived the Marauder's destruction. He never looked, but Tech always had multiple back-ups, and it's unlikely nothing's salvageable.
Crosshair stands, ignoring the lingering ache in his ribs. Maybe Tech won't ever remember, but a good half of his memories are down in recordings of some kind or other, likely many even Crosshair doesn't know about. At least they have something of his memories that will never be forgotten.
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