2006.
Cartman was still awake that night, he couldn't sleep, He turned in his bed and looked at his clock.
"...Oh God…"
He tried to go back to sleep, But then suddenly, he heard his phone ringing, he got out of bed and answered.
"Hello?" He asked.
There was static and a familiar voice calling out to him. "...Hello…? …Am I there…?"
Cartman was alarmed. "Who is this? He demanded.
"There, There, I have me!" Said the voice. "Now listen."
Back in the Future.
Cartman was in his room with K-10 as he contacted his past self.
"You need to be patient." Cartman said.
"What? Who the hell is this?" Demanded the past Cartman.
"It's me."
2006.
"Me who?"
Future.
"Me you!"
2006.
"...What?!"
Future.
"I'm you in the future! You have to be patient and wait for the Nintendo Wii to come out, Or else you're gonna wake up in the future, and have to deal with a bunch of Cyborgs and Sea Otters!"
2006.
"Oh very funny Kahl."
Future.
"It's not Kyle it's you!"
2006.
"Yeah? Well you can go fuck yourself!"
Future.
"I'm trying to do you a favor, dumbass! Just listen to me!
2006.
"Listen to this!"
And past Cartman fated into the phone and hung up, as he made his way back to his bed, the phone rang again, causing him to go back and hang it up again.
Back in the Future.
Cartman was completely flabbergasted. "What an asshole!"
Meanwhile,
Jacob was the first to scale the walls of the city, followed by Bridgette, E97-:, Athena and Enrica, together they made their way through the city streets, each one adorned with a hood that concealed their faces from the populace.
"Okay, So Cartman should be at the main building of the City, Just like before." Bridgette observed. "All we have to do is get there, Find him in his room and grab him.
"Pfft, should be easy enough." Enrica scoffed.
"Don't get any ideas Acolyte." Jacob sneered. "We've got a job to do."
"Oh perish the thought." Enrica said dryly. "Marsh."
Athena took the lead the rest of the way, with Bridgette and E97-: keeping both Jacob and Enrica separated as they made their way to the Citadel.
Meanwhile, 2006.
The phone rang in Butters house, prompting the boy to come answer it. "Hello?"
"...Butters… Butters!"
Butters was taken aback. "Eric, Is that you?"
Future.
"Butters, Listen to me, Just listen." Cartman said, as he began to explain. "I'm about to come over to your house and ask you to help me freeze myself, Do not, Do it!'
2006.
Butters was surprised. "Eric, are you playing a joke on me again?"
Future.
"No! This is not a Joke!" Cartman protested. "Whatever I say to you Butters, No matter how hard I try, Do Not. Do. What I tell you."
2006.
"But…" Butters cautiously looked to the back room. "But you're here right now."
As if on cue, Cartman came in dressed in his snow gear. "Butters, Come on! We have to go!"
Future.
"No!" Cried Cartman in alarm. "Don't listen to me, Tell me to go screw myself!"
2006.
"Huh?" Butters confused.
"Come on Butters! It's gonna get dark!" Cartman said impatiently.
"But you're telling me not to go with you." Butters said.
Cartman paused. "What?"
He went to the phone and took it from Butters. "Who is this?"
Future.
"Oh god damn it, this guy again." Cartman sighed. "Just listen to me! If you freeze yourself you're going to die!"
2006.
"Suck my balls!"
Future.
"No you suck my balls! Just listen to me for one minute!"
2006.
"...Okay you have one minute."
Future.
"Right before leaving for Butters house, you drank a bunch of ovaltine and put Clyde Frog in the closet so nothing would happen to him right?"
2006.
Cartman was alarmed by this. "ARE YOU SPYING ON ME?!"
Future.
"No I am you stupid asshole!"
2006.
"Fuck you asshole, You can go fuck yourself!" And Cartman hung up, pulled his hood over his head and headed for the door. "Come on Butters, we have to get going!"
"Oh alright then." Butters said.
Future.
Cartman angrily put the phone down. "God I hate that guy!"
Meanwhile,
Two guards stood at the front door, discussing current events among themselves.
"So, Are we really sending all our defense ships to attack the Otters' clam fields?" One asked.
"That's what I heard." The other replied. "Heh, Science, this sounds too good to be true."
"Yeah, almost like this is a trap." The first guard chuckled.
Then suddenly, Something smacked against one guard and sent him to the ground unconscious, before the other guard could react, a surge of electricity shocked him into unconsciousness too.
Jacob and E97-: stood among them, making sure they were out cold before Jacob called up the girls.
"Come on." Said Jacob. "If we're careful, we should make it to Cartman's room undetected."
"I wouldn't get so confident Marsh." Enrica sniffed.
"And what's that supposed to mean?" Asked Athena.
"Nothing." Enrica simply replied. "We should move."
And so they did.
Meanwhile,
"My friends, the time has come." Nauto announced, as he stood in the war room, another large portrait of Richards Dawkins and Garrison at his back. "May Science give us the courage to do what we must! Launch all defense ships to sector J7, Take out the Otters Clam fields!"
The Various men and women punched in the command from their modules and the defense ships took off from the city, While the Affiliated Atheist Union ship was docked with its cloaking shield on, and the occupants inside the ship observed this development.
"They're leaving the capital." Eyewave observed.
"Then it's now beginning Father Squirrel said with growing dread.
"They should have retrieved Cartman by now." Manbear said.
"Um, Sir." Angie piped up. "There's something coming on the Monitors."
"What?" Cedric and Dracksomore went over to the Monitor and their eyes widened at what they saw.
On the screen before them, as a mighty host of Sea Otters, all mounted on Ostriches, and headed for the City.
Blavious rode at the head, waving his spear as he cried out. "Kill the Table Eaters! In the name of almighty science!"
"Oh no…" Jacks breathed.
"How far out are they?" Asked Matilda.
"About 90 klicks away." Said Angie, And they're not alone.
Father Squirrel fiddled with the communications array. "Jacob, JACOB! Where are YOU?!"
Meanwhile,
With the UAL, Shvek stood in front of the Dawkins/Garrison portrait, As an officer came up behind him.
"Sir." He reported. "It's begun, The United Atheist Alliance has sent their ships away, they're capital is now unprotected."
"Then begin the attack." Shvek announced. "Science be praised."
Meanwhile,
2006.
The phone rang in Kyle's house, and said boy went into the kitchen to answer it.
"Hello?" He asked.
There was an echoing static, followed by Cartman's voice. "...Hello…? …Kahl…?"
Kyle was surprised. "Hello?"
Future.
"Um, yes." Cartman said. "Hello, Kahl, It's been a… How are you?"
2006.
Kyle grimmiced. "What do you want, Cartman?"
Future.
"Kahl, You are one of the smartest people I know." Cartman said. "You know how earlier I saw asking you and the guys to help me Freeze myself?"
2006.
"I'm not gonna help you freeze yourself Cartman." Kyle said irritably. "It's a stupid plan."
Future.
"And you're right, It totally was." Cartman explained. "I actually went through with freezing myself, and… Again, you were right, I-It backfired terribly, I was frozen for 500 years, and now I'm calling you from the Future."
2006.
Kyle was completely unconvinced. "Uh Huh."
Future.
"Yeah, and the craziest part." Cartman went on. "I actually met Stan's decendents, they're currently at war with Token's descendant, And it's like… totally edgy and stuff, In fact, I have a robot dog, Wanna talk to my Robot dog?"
He then brought the phone up K-10's face. "Bark Bark, Hello Kyle, Bark Bark."
2006.
"I'm hanging up now." Kyle said.
Future.
"No Kyle, Wait!" Cartman pleaded. "You have to stop me from Freezing myself!"
2006.
"Suck my Balls Fatass!" Kyle retorted.
Future.
"I will." Cartman said. "I will suck your balls Kahl, Just stop me from freezing myself, and I will get down on my knees, and I will suck your balls, I'll suck em dry Kahl."
2006.
Before Kyle could respond, a car noise came from outside, followed by the car taking off.
"Aw! Damn it Cartman." Kyle groaned. "Now you've made me miss my ride, My whole day is screwed up because of you!"
And he angrily hung up the phone.
Meanwhile,
In the Hallways of the UAA Citadel, The retrieval team quietly arrived outside Cartman's door, and prepared to make their move.
"Alright." Jacob said at last. "Once we get Cartman, Bridgette will send a transmission to Eyewave and then we get out of here."
"We don't need any to…" Enrica almost said something, But then something happened, and the next thing anyone knew, There was Enrica, all flesh and blood again. "Wait… What the… I… My body…"
"What the hell?" Asked Bridgette, they all then heard a voice from inside the room.
"Kahl!? Kahl?!" Cartman asked, But the phone went unanswered. "Science Damn it!"
Cartman was now dressed in Yellow clothes with a silver cape, and his hair had been neatly combed, As he obviously wallowed in despair, K-10, now a Silver and Gold Cat Robot walked up to him. "Eric, I really think you should stop calling the past." It said, "You could change the present."
"Well I don't notice anything different, Kit-9, do you?!" Cartman retorted.
"I guess not, Meow Meow." The Robot now named Kit-9 said.
Then, Jacob, Bridgette, Athena, E97-:, and the newly remade Enrica barged into the room. "Cartman!" Jacob snapped.
Cartman turned around to face. "Oh god damn it, What do you want buttwipes?!"
Jacob grabbed Cartman by his collar and brought him to his face. "What the hell have you done?!"
"I'm trying to call the past and get out of this Future!" Cartman retorted.
"You… restored me to my old self." Enrica said, with tears almost coming to her eye's.
"And wasn't your Robot companion a Dog?" Athena asked, eying up Kit-9.
"What are you talking about? That's just Kit-9." Cartman simply answered.
"Whatever, You're coming with us, and going back on the ice you were found in." Jacob said, as he made to drag Cartman away.
"WHAT?!" Cartman exclaimed. "NO!"
He immediately began to resist Jacob tugging him away, then suddenly, the ground shook and everyone in the room swayed violently.
"What was that?!" Bridgette asked.
They all looked out the window and saw Several ships flying around and attacking the Capital,
E97-: beeped as he broadcasted a message from Father Squirrel. "Jacob, Bridgette, You have to get out of there! The Unified Atheist League are attacking!"
As the building shook more, Everyone screamed.
To Be continued.
Happy Memorial Day everybody, I hope you're all doing well and honoring our Veterans, As I bring you one of the Final Chapters of Go God Go (Retelling.).
Yes, after Six years, This story is set to have its last chapter, Will Cartman ever go back to his time? Will the War Finally end? Will Religion Have Its day? Find out in the final update of this story.
And don't forget to look out for the Next Chapter of Mabel's Adventure and other stories.
Stay Tuned For Now. ;)