"I see you two are speaking again," Josh said.
"We – had a conversation," Jason admitted.
Josh studied him for a moment. "Didn't fix things?"
"I don't know."
"What's bothering you?" Josh put down his pen.
"I'm not sure. Something is wrong."
"Like what?"
"If I knew I probably would be talking to him, not you."
Josh picked up the pen. "You do know, Jason, that not everything can be talked out. Don't you?"
"Short of mind reading, it's the only way I know to gain understanding of someone else's thinking."
Joshua put down the pen again. "Our own little brother?"
"Josh, he was terrified. Just long enough for it to register, and then he just looked sad. But terrified? Why? Why would he look at me like that, for however few fractions of a second? It bothers me. And then that nightmare! !Seems like that happens when I've been –"
"Shouting rage right into his face?" Josh finished dryly. "Yeah, I've noticed that."
"What do you know about it?"
"Not much. He mostly cries and screams. Every now and then he says something about going home, or not going home, or your name, and then he just sobs himself to awakeness."
"I may be the next one having nightmares," Jason said, shaking his head. "I can't get that look out of my mind. And I've seen it before, when I've yelled at him. I've got to fix this, and I don't know how."
"What if it can't be fixed?" Josh asked, slowly twirling his pen.
"Then I'll have to live with it, I suppose. But it would be a lot easier to do if I know why."
"Hmm." Josh looked thoughtfully across the camp to where Jeremy was listening to three or four of the men talking. Looked like they were talking about dancing or something. Looking forward to another Friday night in town maybe?
"Do you have any suggestions?"
"I don't know. I've just thought it was one of those things best forgotten. The sooner the better, so I never asked much about the bad dreams. I guess I could try," he added reluctantly. "It seems like poking into his private places."
"I agree. It does. But not all secrets should be kept. They can cause illness and stunt growth."
Jeremy joined them, running from the man who'd picked him up and spun him around in a dance move. "Mrs. Mack said c-coffee was s-stunting my g-growth. Da told her to m-mind her own, not his. Why?"
"Part of a conversation," Jason replied calmly. "I'd rather not have to have it again. Is that alright with you?"
"Uh-huh. I was just trying to be in the conversation." Jeremy grinned at them, then laughed.
"Nosy britches," Josh teased him. "Hey, Jason said you started the fight Sunday. Really?"
"Yeah. I shouldn't get mad like that." Jeremy darted a glance at Jason, who nodded.
"And we're both going to work on that, aren't we?"
"Uh-huh." Jeremy lost interest in the things on the table and went into their tent to get ready for sleep. He hadn't told his brothers, but he hadn't been sleeping well at all. Probably because he was worrying about telling Jason he'd started the fight, just because.
And somehow that hadn't been as bad as he'd expected. He wondered if he'd ever know what Jason was going to do in any situation. Maybe sometime when he got older and knew more about things. Josh mostly (but not always) got Jason right. Maybe he should have asked Josh? But he never knew when Josh would tease or believe or make fun of him.
Maybe he should figure out Josh before Jason, since Josh was closer to his age and – he groped for the word – experience. Maybe Josh could tell him in easier words. Or he could tell Josh and Josh would know the better more grown up way to say things.
He yawned and pulled the cover over his head. He'd think about it in the tomorrow, if he still wanted to.
Maybe.