-I realize that I may of messed with the time line a little, especially regarding Nesta's attitude but honestly she was trying… I wanted to show that. Healing yourself is never an easy, straight line of events.

FOUR

Elain didn't know how she going to do it, but she was determined to convince Lucien to abandon the mating bond.

She stood in front of the tall mirror, Azriel's note clutched tightly in her hand, giving her the courage she needed to endure what was to come. She looked at her own reflection, trying to link the image she saw with the woman she'd always thought she was going to be. She came up short.

She had always been the sweet one. The delicate flower that was to be protected and preserved. Nesta was the hellhound, the fierce protector. And Feyre, she had been the artist's soul trapped in the body of a fighter. Looking at herself now, Elain wasn't sure exactly what she was anymore.

Her long loose hair had been split, half coiled up on her head and the rest lay draped over one shoulder in a loose spiral. She'd refused all jewelry, especially those gifted to her by her mate. She'd chosen a dark violet gown instead of her usual spring palate. She'd refused the offer of cosmetics, not that she needed any, but she simply hadn't felt like they would last. Not when one thought of the silent Shadowsinger's words and tone, that afternoon, brought a blush to her skin that not even Nuala could replicate.

Her eyes lifted once more, and met the gaze of her reflection. You are Elain Acheron. You are not what they think you to be. You are not weak. You can do this.

A knock sounded on the door. Elain turned, just as Feyre opened it and popped her head inside. Her hair was in loose curls, the cosmetics on her face, minimal. She too didn't need them, she positively glowed. Elain heard Rhysand's laugh from down the hall and she suppressed the urge to laugh and roll her eyes at them. They were so in love, she couldn't even be jealous.

"Ready?"

Elain nodded, leaving her reflection to return to her bed, where she slipped the note she held into her notebook. She wanted to keep it with her, but she knew even that might set Lucien off. If he scented Azriel on her so easily, surely he would scent something that had been his. Elain hesitated before closing the book. His. She felt a pull, at the word, but quickly shook off that feeling and turned to Feyre. Who had been watching her carefully.

"Everything ok?"

Elain flashed a smile that she took as genuine and her sister's expression softened.

"You look beautiful." Feyre told her when she came near. Even daring to give one of her curls an affectionate tug. "I know I'm the baby sister but… you look so grown up. So regal."

Elain allowed colour into her cheeks, accepting the compliment with a bob of her head. She slipped her arm through Feyre's and smiled at her sister, swathed in navy blue silk that clung to her every curve. Elain's gaze snagged on her little belly, her thoughts going to the babe inside.

"You look beautiful." Elain told her, quietly, suddenly full of emotion, as she dared to lay a soft touch to her belly. "Father would have been so excited for this little one."

Tears pricked her eyes but Feyre said nothing. She just pulled Elain in a little closer and walked with her down the hall, towards dinner and their awaiting companions.

It was a disaster.

Elain tried but she couldn't keep the frown from her lips. She pushed the food around on her plate, trying not to appear like she was repulsed by their company. By their conversation. The ease in which they talked that she just couldn't match. She couldn't help it. She hadn't noticed it so acutely before but… when she compared this dinner to her afternoon in the garden with Az... she didn't know how she could even fake this. Fake her entire relationship with the Autumn Court son. Thankfully no one really seemed to notice. Lucien only attempted to talk to her a few times, before giving up and allowing Feyre and Rhys to choose the topics. To keep the conversation going. She had been happy to oblige that too... for a time.

As the dinner dragged on, and darkness began to fall, Elain found herself fighting to control her thoughts. To keep them away from the empty seat at the table. Her eyes kept drifting to the shadows outside, her thoughts swirling about cedar scented skin.

"Elain?"

Elain started. Her eyes darting across the table to Feyre. She noticed the quiet concern in her eyes. Noticed the tightness in Rhys' smile, next to her. The withdrawn disappointment on Lucien's. Someone had asked a question and was waiting for an answer. Elain clenched her teeth, unable to help herself from remembering what she'd been told that afternoon, unable to think of anything else. She looked at Lucien, then Feyre... then Rhys. They all waited on her.

"Would you like to go for a walk?" Feyre questioned, or repeated the question for someone else. She was trying to be helpful but it came across weakly. As if, even she, was beginning to loose hope on this union between sister and friend. "We were suggesting giving Lucien a starlit tour of the waterfront."

Elain couldn't think of anything she'd hate less. She looked at her plate. The food she'd pushed around there. Looking for an excuse, as fear and concern wormed its way into her stomach. She knew she should say yes. She knew she should agree and just use that opportunity to pull Lucien away and talk to him. To sort out this bond of theirs. She knew she should do it but she couldn't make herself nod. Couldn't make herself agree. Not yet.

She swallowed. "Can I talk to you first?"

The room was silent. Elain's eyes lifted, hesitantly, and met Rhys's. No one seemed to breathe.

"Of course." Rhys stood fluidly, as if it was the most normal thing in the world. He slipped out of his seat, inclining his head towards his mate and their guest. "Please excuse us a moment."

Elain slid from her chair, eyes cast downward, and refused to look at anyone as she left the table despite how their eyes clung to her. She knew her asking to talk to Rhys in private would not be an overlooked gesture, but she didn't care. She couldn't continue this charade without confronting him. She followed Rhys out of the dining room but hesitated when he lingered by the sitting room door.

"Actually, can we…" Elain gestured weakly to the hall.

Rhys, despite looking a little surprised, understood her request. He gave her a shallow nod and gestured for her to go ahead. Elain swallowed, folding her hands before her, and demurely walked towards his study. Rhys followed silently, obediently.

She entered the office and walked up to his desk, stopping a foot or two from the dark wood as if she'd been summoned by him and not the other way around. Rhys lingered by the door, letting some of his mask slip as his hand lingered upon the doorhandle.

"Do you want me to…" He looked at the door and she nodded. He closed it with a faint click.

"Can you also…?" Elain swallowed, looking around the room, gesturing with her eyes.

Rhys understood. Before she could breathe, he enveloped the room in a shield and sealed all sound within, with the effort of taking a breath. Only then did she allow herself to relax. Certain no one could hear anything outside of this room, Fae hearing or not. Elain exhaled. As she did, she felt her emotions welling to the surface.

Rhysand came around her and leaned against the desk. Waiting. Concern peppered his expression, but he schooled his features much more easily than she did. She supposed it was an easy thing to learn when one had five centuries to master it.

When she managed to lift her eyes, Elain found him still waiting for her to speak. That look made her clench her fists at her sides.

As if he didn't know what she wanted to talk about. As if he didn't say those awful things. Stay away from her.

Elain tried not to, but her lip curled back in a snarl as those words clanged through her mind again. At that command he'd given his brother.

"Why?"

Rhys eyes shuttered, his concern morphing into disappointment immediately. He knew. Astute bastard. He knew she knew. If he didn't casually read her mind, he could read it on her face. Her expression.

"Elain."

Tears pricked her eyes. She didn't want to fall apart but she couldn't bear it any longer. Dinner had been an agony. If it was any clue as to how their marriage would be… Elain would rather throw herself off the mountain house balcony than marry Lucien. She'd rather try looking for one of Feyre's monsters. Beg them to tear her to shreds. If she couldn't break the bond with Azriel without putting the entire Realm in jeopardy, she would remove herself from the situation. By any means necessary.

"How could you?" she breathed.

"Elain." He repeated, making her hate the sound of her own name. "Please trust me when I say this... its not my intention to cause you any pain. I, honestly, don't like this anymore than you do."

"I am not going through with this." She snapped. "It's not right. I don't care for him. Not the way I should."

Rhys took a breath, tilting his head to the side as he closed his violet eyes and exhaled.

Elain remained still. Remained determined.

"Quite a few mate-bonds start out that way. Most coupling takes an adjustment period." Rhys told her then, wanting to be honest. Truly wanting to help. "My own parents were not right for each other but they made it work."

Made it work. Make it work, he was telling her. Elain's heart strained.

"Why do that to someone when you know its not right?"

"The bond is instinctual." Rhys softened his expression. He felt for her, he really did. "There is no ignoring instinct. We are not much different from animals when it comes down to it. To Lucien, you are his mate. His, to protect and nurture. Not anyone else's."

"It's possible though. To break it." She lifted her chin, holding his gaze. She knew it was. "Its been done before, hasn't it?"

A slight dip of his head gave her his answer.

She took a breath. "I wanted to talk to him tonight, ask him to break the bond-"

Rhys' face turned stony. "Elain."

"Stop saying that." She snarled, despite herself. She flushed, realizing just how angry she was with him. With the most powerful High Lord in Prythian. She wanted to slap him.

"Do it. I deserve it." He told her.

Elain met his eyes. There was absolutely no mirth in his expression. He'd read her mind, or she'd screamed it out at him from her own. He looked so sad. So angry with himself, knowing he'd caused her any amount of discomfort. That he'd had to play a part in it. She couldn't even get angry with him for reading her thoughts. For responding to them. Not when she read that on his face.

"How could you tell him to stay away?"

A darkness passed over his eyes as Rhys looked out towards the large window. The brilliant night sky of Velaris soothing his desire to curse his wild brother. His Shadowsinger had blatantly ignored his order. His command. Azriel had seen Elain, talked to her. Rhysand shoved off the desk and walked around it, dropping himself into the chair and sitting forward, leaning his elbows against its surface.

"Because if I didn't leash him, Prythian would already be in smoking ruins."

Elain blinked. The intensity of his words. That look on his face. She found she had no reply to that.

"We cannot afford to loose this chance at peace." He breathed, his eyes pleading with her. "Not after Aramantha... not after Hybern."

Rhys said those names like they were the vilest poison and still the most likely to hear them. He took a breath, holding it. Elain's senses perked. She turned her eyes to him, really looking at him.

She could see the weight of the lives lost, resting upon his shoulders. From both Aramantha and from the war with Hybern. Each and every one, either stacked or nailed to him. Elain blinked and the image was gone, but the feeling remained. Why did he insist on taking on that burden? She frowned. He didn't need to. He wasn't supposed to. And yet she could see the souls that haunted him, their weight, weighing him down.

"Your mate is pregnant." Elain said suddenly, making his eyes snap to hers. Her back was straight, her chin lifted. She was terrified, but never so sure. "My sister. Your mate. She's carrying your child. It will be my nephew or niece. Why can't we just ignore all this and focus on that?"

Rhys smiled softly, emotion melting his exhausted expression. She had no idea how much he wanted just that. How much he would give to be with Feyre every moment of this time. How much he wished they were not running out of time.

"I know that is all you want." She told him then, uncharacteristically sage. Uncharacteristically bold. "You are a good male, but Rhysand, if you continue to take on every burden and care in Prythian... you're going to miss it. All of it."

Rhys' smile turned shallow. "I don't really have the luxury to just step away. Not now."

Yes, she knew about the missing Queen. She knew about Eris.

"You are the most powerful male in Prythian. You have an entire family of near-gods who would do anything for you. Why not take advantage of that and turn your focus onto what really matters… to you."

Their eyes met. Her name passed between them. Neither said a word.

Finally, with an air of resignation, Elain spoke.

"Her happiness means everything to me." She noted the gratitude that appeared in his eyes. She felt the tug at her heart, then the tear in it as she continued. "We did not deserve her. We still don't, Nesta and I. What she did for us... what she did for everyone, on both sides of the wall... there are no words. All I want, is to see her happy. See that baby safely arrive..."

Silver lined his eyes, his smile shifting again and growing even more radiant. Despite the weight he insisted on carrying, despite his worries, she knew he would make a good father. From that look alone, she knew.

"I wont push the mate-bond." She said then, surprising even herself. "To keep things... peaceful."

Rhysand's smile disappeared. He was surprised by that but, she wasn't done.

"I'll be courteous and polite. I'll talk to Lucien and accept his gifts and his company. I will try." She closed her eyes a moment, pausing. When she spoke again, Rhysand could feel her forcing the words out. "... and I'll agree to stay away from him."

She met his eyes. Rhys opened his mouth but wisely closed it again with one look from her.

"I wont talk to Lucien about ending the bond, or breaking it, but I expect not to be counselled about the merits of it or of its importance to all of Prythian. If and when I choose to end it, that is my choice. I will do everything I can to minimize the unpleasantness but… if I prefer someone else…"

When she met his eyes, Rhys had to actually debate why he was hoping for this bond to work out after all. He honestly wanted to smile. He was surprised by the newfound steel he saw in her, this sweetest flower of the Acheron women. She reminded him of Feyre. It was the first time he'd really seen it. She was really crawling out of her shell lately. He liked it. She held his vivid gaze, never faltering.

"And if I prefer someone else... you will not object."

"Even if it destroys the realm?" He questioned with a faint smile.

"Even then."

Rhys flashed a grin. His eyes twinkling as if she'd just passed some test.

Encouraged by that sudden mirth, Elain lifted her chin. "You took that chance once. Do you regret taking it?"

Rhys breathing stopped. His smile was gone. What she was asking…what she was saying…

"Never."

"Good." Elain took a breath, smoothing her skirts as if she'd just selected a new one instead of just bartered the peace and unity of the entire realm with the High Lord of Night. She bobbed her head, a little bow for him, and turned for the door. "Thank you."

Rhy was silent a moment. Pensive. "He doesn't deserve you."

Elain stopped. Her heart lurching into her throat. He didn't-

"Lucien." Rhys clarified, reading her look and offering a smile in apology. "Lucien doesn't deserve you."

Elain's chest swelled. The corners of her lips lifted, only a fraction. "Maybe, after everything, it's me who doesn't deserve him."

"No." Rhys replied, his smile softening the shadows around his eyes. The stress. "He doesn't deserve you... but someone else does."

Her eyes burned but she didn't let them become tears. She just straightened her back and swallowed, Rhys dissolved the shield with a mere thought, allowing her to go but she paused in the doorway and meet Rhys eyes only briefly before she left the room.

"You'd better tell him that."

Rhys stared at the empty doorway, his body refusing to move. He heard voices from afar a few moments later, as Elain rejoined the others. He heard her politeness, her attempt to draw them into small talk like nothing usual had occurred. He closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the chair, both listening and reliving the memory of what had just happened.

Should I even ask what that was about?

Rhys grinned at the question his mate posed from the other room. His heart aching to once more have her in his mind. He gathered himself up with a sigh and stood.

Your sweet little Elain just handed me my ass.

Feyre's laugh down the bond sent shivers down his spine, and sent him off to find the body and mind that laugh had come from. The very mate he'd always wanted. Always needed. It was a shame not everyone had this blessing.

Azriel was supposed to be hunting for news on Briallyn but he let his shadows do that work this evening and instead he lurked in the shadows near the town house. Not standing vigil, just… nearby. The twins kept him informed that there was nothing out of the ordinary, save for Elain and Rhysand locking themselves in the office for a few minutes after dinner. Azriel grew concerned with that, but he'd gotten nothing from Rhys so he let that lay. He'd be told if it was something. By Elain or Rhysand.

The front door opened and his wings flared. He hadn't expected them to leave the house. Hadn't planned for it. He slid further back into the shadows, despite the fact that they'd never see him. Just to be safe, he effortlessly blended himself into smoke and shadow. He watched as Rhsyand and Feyre exited the house. Held his breath until Lucien and Elain stepped out next, her one step behind and looking like she was happy to remain that way. It almost made him smile.

Azriel leaned further back into the shadows, just as Elain's eyes swept the street. He held his breath, her eyes snagging on his direction. He didn't breath… there was no way she could see him. No way she would be able to-

Elain moved on, following her sister and mate. Lucien followed. Azriel watched as Rhys murmured something to Feyre and then drew back to walk alongside their guest. He noted the way Elain noticed it too. Saw her clutch Feyre's arm a little tighter as she tucked herself in next to her sister, deliberately not looking back to the males trailing them.

Azriel waited in the shadows there until they were out of sight and then winnowed out into Velaris. He picked the tallest building, still bearing marks of the attack from Hybern, and settled in atop it. He could see, hear, the entire city here. He could be anywhere he needed to be. At any moment.

He closed his eyes against the light of the moon. Drinking it in. The single beam of soothing light. He loved the night. Silence and darkness had been his companions for his entire life. Those formative years being locked away hadn't made him afraid of it. It had made him befriend them. Tame them. Sing with them.

Here and now, despite his desire to stalk his High Lord and Lady through the city, he waited alone under the night sky. He knew Rhysand wouldn't let anything bad happen to Elain. If she did it, that is. If she talked to him about the bond... if Lucien reacted badly, Rhysand could deal with it. If he wanted support, doing so, Azriel could be there within moments.

Az.

Azriel's eyes opened, not even startled by the sudden voice in his mind. Yes?

I'm sorry.

Azriel stiffened. He was up on his feet and scanning the streets, immediately, searching for them. He spotted them seconds later, briefly. All walking together through the streets, small as insects from this height. Nothing awry.

Rhys? He pressed.

Nothing came in return.

He watched the streets, his eyes not missing a thing. Nothing shifted. None of his senses, his shadows, told him to be wary. Still he watched. Still, he waited.