Chapter 15

Isaac:

"How are you doing over there Isaac?" Derek asked as he drove towards the lake house. We literally just left the house 15 minutes ago and I had been asked by everyone Just minutes prior to us leaving.

"Kind of sick that question, actually." I sighed, he chuckled. "Sorry."

"It's okay. I get it. I bet you have been asked that a million times since everything happened."

"Seems like it. I know everyone is worried about how I'm handling things but I'm really okay. I feel it and its overwhelming but…"

"Yeah, I felt that way when I went through it as well. I think every alpha goes through that when it happens."

"Scott?"

"Scott's was a different transformation, but he still felt it on some level. But like I said before Scott was still fighting his wolf at the time. He was working no things when it happened but since he didn't have to kill anyone to get his status it's a bit different."

"I'm still kind of reeling about that. I think that more than anything it what I'm struggling with. I know I didn't have a choice. It was me or him, but I still can't really wrap my head around it, you know."

"I know. I wish I could tell you I understand what you're feeling but when I killed Peter, which was my intention, it wasn't really a survival thing at that point it was anger and desperation."

"Did you feel any guilt or remorse after you did it?" I asked, curiously.

"Some but not a lot. most of mine came from the fact that I killed the last remaining member of my family. I was angry at him and on some level I hated him for everything he did. But at that point I was truly alone. as much as I pushed Scott away at the time I didn't really want to be alone."

I nodded, understanding what he meant.

"The night I took you up on your offer, I had been contemplating running away for like the umpteenth time." I admitted for the first time aloud.

"You had?"

"Yeah, I just wanted to get away. I… didn't want to be there anymore. I knew I wasn't strong enough to just end it all, you know, but I couldn't take the pain anymore, the torture."

"Did you know where you would go?"

I thought about that and shook my head.

"Not really. For a split second I thought about finding my mom. I thought that maybe if I could just find her, I could beg her to take me in but at that point I hated her as much as I hated my father."

"What stopped you from just doing it before that night?" he asked, and I hesitated before answering.

"I didn't want to be alone." I whispered, pressing my head against the glass, looking at the passing fields. He stayed quiet for a moment.

"Why did you call me the other night Isaac?" he asked again.

"I told you. I had questions."

"Yes, but what questions do you have? Ask me." he said. I looked over at him. he gave me a serious look, waiting.

"Did you just change me out of desperation to build your pack?" I asked, finally.

"Partly." He shrugged. "Part of it was desperation, mine and yours."

"What do you mean?"

He sighed.

"I knew the alpha pack was coming, I had known for a while. I had heard word of them while I was still in New York so I traveled to find Laura, hoping they wouldn't go after her. I didn't expect to find Peter as the new alpha. I don't really think I was thinking clearly when I killed him to take over as alpha, but it was too late by the time I really figure out what it meant. They were still coming and now they were coming for me."

"Okay, I get your desperation, you needed a pack in order to go against them. That's why you wanted Scott with you, right?"

"Right. But I had already screwed that up. I didn't stop trying but I didn't really expect him to agree. I had already pushed him away so many times, I lied to him and used him. I knew he would never trust me."

"So, you found me, a pathetic kid who just wanted to run."

"You were never pathetic, Isaac. Not then and not now. What you were was sacred and you had reasons to be. I didn't know at the time what you were living with. It was until the next morning after I had bitten you and I saw you and your father talking to the police that I realized what was going on. Your father was good at putting on an act of being a good father amused at his goofy teen son. But I could see deeper than that and I could scent more than that. his anger and annoyance, your fear and desperation. You wanted an out, an escape. It's the same thing I scented the night before when I pulled you out of that hole."

I nodded.

"you're a survivor Isaac, you always have been. You survived a whole hell of a lot, more than anyone should ever have to put up with. Even though that night you were still scared, and you remained that way for a while after, I could see how much you wanted to do more than just survive, you wanted to fight. You say you were ready to run away to get out of that situation. Sometimes… running isn't cowardly, its commendable, its admirable. Sometimes it's the only option you have."

I chewed on my bottom lip as I considered what he said. was it really a good thing to want to run instead of fight?

"Offering you the bite was my way of helping you escape. You could have consented and then still ran after you got what you wanted. you could have left. I wouldn't have stopped you. But you didn't. you stayed, and you learned and grew. You fought, even when you didn't have to you fought."

"I didn't think I had a choice."

"There's always a choice. They may not always be the best choices, but there is always a choice. You went from being a runner to a fighter."

I shook my head.

"You did. look at what happened. When Conway showed up you could have run. You may or may not have made it. you already knew I was coming so you could have ran and hid until I got there but you didn't. you stayed and you fought… and you survived."

"Yeah, and look at what happened." I snorted.

"Is it really that bad, being an alpha now?"

"No, I guess not. Something Corey said yesterday made me rethink it all."

"Corey? What did he say?"

"He said that now I am better able to protect everyone, protect Allison. That I can still use this to my advantage."

'I knew I liked that kid." He laughed.

"Me too, mostly because of how he tortures Theo but he's really wiser than he should be for his age."

"Yeah, probably from years living in captivity and being on the run for the last year."

"Yeah."

"What other questions did you have?" he asked. I wasn't really sure I wanted to bring this up but since we were already talking about it, I might as well.

"When you were training us to fight…"

His hands tightened around the steering wheel.

"I am sorry about that. I was training you the best way I knew how. I was brought up to believe that anger and pain it what made you stronger, mostly by Peter. My mother never subscribed to that idea, but she was gone. I didn't realize when I did what I did, how much that had to remind you of what your father did." he said then sighed. "I was trying to make you angry, make you want to fight. But it seemed to have the opposite effect."

"Yeah, kind of. I mean now I get it but then all I could think was that I escaped one hell for another." I admitted. He growled, shaking his head.

"That was never my intention. I really didn't know what I was doing then. Which became glaringly obvious after what happened with Boyd. And of course, the fight in the abandoned mall."

"What about the night you kicked me out?"

"That… was something else. I had gotten a visit from Deucalion and Kali that day and he basically threatened yours and Boyd's life. I had to find a way to get you away from me before he killed you."

"Did you know that throwing that glass would do it?"

"No, not really. That was done in frustration and fear."

"The night my father died, he threw a glass at me, almost blinded me."

"Shit." Derek said, scrubbing a hand down his face. "So again, I reminded you of your father."

"That moment, yes. But as a whole no you didn't. you were, are, nothing like him. after I left you, I went to Scott's. I explained to him what happened and then what happened with my father. He made me see that you were just struggling with everything that was happening. Its why I never blamed you for it, why I never brought it up. I guess I just wanted to know your thought process on it."

"Scott defended me?" he asked, quirking a brow.

"Kind of. He also called you a few choice names but yeah, he explained that you had a lot of stress with the alpha's causing chaos."

"I guess I owe him more than I thought." He chuckled. I laughed nodding.

"For what it's worth, I forgave you for all that a long time ago."

"I appreciate that." he said with a nod.

"And I want to thank you, for giving me the choice and for giving me the bite. That night changed my life. Not always for the better but I don't regret accepting it. I don't regret being a part of your pack. It's because of what you did that I have the family and friends I have now. So, thank you."

He looked over at me, giving me a half smile.

"You're welcome."

The rest of the ride was quiet. At one point I started to shit feeling a sudden surge of power. Derek turned off the air conditioning and opened the windows, instructing me to breathe deeply. It helped. my wolf stopped trying to claw his way out. But I was ever so glad when we pulled up to the house and I could get out of the confined space and be free.

Surprisingly, Scott wasn't surly by the time we pulled up. he was actually laughing at whatever Peter was saying. Derek and I looked at each other then at them in shock. This was a new development between the former alpha and he former beta. We didn't question it though. We all unloaded the cars and went inside. Scott and I claimed our usual rooms and Derek and Peter took the other two on the upstairs floor.

"I guess we should call the girls to let them know we got here and maybe a run?" Scott suggested.

"Good idea. I need to check in anyway." Peter said, pulling out his phone.

"And just who are you checking in with, uncle?" Derek asked, sarcastically, with a smirk.

Peter ignored him and went out the back door. Snickering we each separated to call our girls. The phone rang once before she picked up.

"Isaac?" she greeted.

"Hey Alli." I sighed, feeling something in me calm at hearing her voice.

** Isaac finally got answers to his questions. He and Derek had a heart to heart. And who is it that Peter is checking in with... hmmm **