A/N: Everytime I think I'm good to write, I get so far, call it quits for the day, come back and then struggle, struggle, struggle! The torture it is to write this story right now! Not because I don't enjoy writing anymore or even because I don't enjoy the story anymore. It's just...being honest about a toxic friendship brings up a lot of emotions even when you've moved on. Especially when you still care about that person. I may not feel I can ever have that person in my life again cause I can't trust them to be genuine, but that doesn't mean I don't care and wish them well. I had plans to deal with this problem, but I might have to move them up. I either have to have them develop into a better person in story or I have to write where they aren't so present anymore. I'm gonna have to move my plans for doing the one that was chosen up, cause I can't keep reliving the pain every time I write if I want to move forward. And I'm sure others can relate. I'm sure if they still read this until then, they will be happy to stop seeing reminders anytime they read an update as well, especially if they really did become a better person, or even if they didn't. Past can only haunt you so far before you grow tired of it, regardless of which side you are on. I was working on this chapter today and realized I cannot push this out to where I had put it in the timeline to end just because of other things I have written and not posted simply because it's cowritten with someone. I can't prolong my torture if it keeps being torture.

So...it may be another while before the next chapter... because of the same reasons it's been so hard to write or because I need to figure out if I can drastically move it up or if I need to finish this Starscream arc first before handling that. I mean, there's still more to the planning stage. There's still time to implement a solution here to my dilemma. But, if I do that, will it be too fast? I mean, it kinda makes sense for an impulsive character, but it also removes some plans I had for them and I don't know whether it's for the better or for the worse at the moment. It's going to be a lot to think about.

I hope you guys can forgive me for the angst and such...and the massive gaps between updates...Just...besides the emotional labor going into these chapters right now with what they drag up...life is just...hard...

Chapter 19: Conflict

"Are you feeling ok, Shade'?" Ratchet asked one morning a few days after the recon mission.

"I'm fine," I replied as I wiped some imaginary dust off a container. We were doing inventory and getting things properly organized after it had gotten disorganized over time. "Why do you ask?"

"You haven't removed your visor since you went to Cybertron," Ratchet said. "And you've been extra quiet."

I heard him shift behind me and I glanced over my shoulder to see he was watching me from the corner of his optics while he was taking things from a cupboard. I turned back to my own work, writing down the names of what we had in the cupboard I was looking through.

"I was in a Decepticon prison," I replied. "There's a combination of seeing others in pain and the weight of the fact that that could've easily been me not long ago."

"Hm," Ratchet hummed and I could tell he was deciding whether or not to believe that was all. "It doesn't have anything to do with your conflict with Stormbreaker then?"

My wings hitched. "It does not matter," I said, perhaps a little too forced.

"Shade'-"

"It'll be fine, Ratchet," I said quickly. "Once she calms down from her… Once she actually talks with Elita and she understands some things, I'm sure things will be fine. They had been getting better than they used to be... She's just emotional right now. We'll sort things out." I knew my tone wasn't convincing. I wasn't convinced it would go well at all.

"Hmph, if you say so," he replied gruffly.

"We've sorted out stuff before," I told him, leaving out the fact that it was rare that the issue was ever truly resolved. True resolution would see a lasting change. There never was. There never even seemed to be an attempt. I was lying to myself as much as omitting from him. Even when it seemed like there was, time would show it to be an act until I got comfortable again.

Silence reigned for a few moments as I felt his optics watching me. I was thankful when he didn't press me for more. I was sad that her old behaviors were becoming a thing again. It wasn't the first time we'd argued since joining the bots and she'd shown it then as well, but it was more quickly resolved. And she had listened to Arcee when the femme had called her down for her behavior and apologized. It had seemed sincere, though now I wondered if it really was. It's hardly the first, or even the fifth time she'd apologized for something only to do the exact same thing later. I had lost count. Cause I hadn't really concerned myself with keeping score. I had trusted when she'd apologized and said she'd do better. And I overlooked when she broke her word cause protecting our friendship had been too important to me and I'd been worried more about being the forgiving person I thought I needed to be than not being hurt in the same way repeatedly. I'd forgotten the second part of forgiveness—repentance. Or was that supposed to be first? I didn't even know.

It did bother me, though. That she never really changed her behavior. That she continued to do things she knew hurt me. While she had her good aspects, that didn't nullify the effects of the bad and it didn't cancel them out either. And it didn't overshadow what some of those specific things were, like the broken promises littering our friendship for years. I wasn't just thinking about the small ones, like whether she'd actually tell us when she didn't want to play games or not. Bigger ones. Like whether she'd pay me or Shadow' back for things or the promise never to lie again, both of which she broke many times over and once tried to gaslight me on. I was growing tired of pretending these things never happened when they kept happening.

.:Hey sis. Just letting you know I convinced Storm' she needs to talk to you. She should be contacting you shortly to see if you have time.:. Shadowstreaker

I hummed at the message and then sent an acknowledgement. I was not expecting to get the following message immediately.

.:Hey sis…do you have time to talk?:. Stormbreaker

I hummed again, wings making wary movements. I shifted and turned a container around on the counter. Then I glanced back at Ratchet and then looked back at my work. I wasn't going to drop my work for this if she never dropped her play—I'd tried to ask her to talk a couple times, but she was always busy playing games or painting or some such. I had grown tired of being expected to drop everything at the drop of a dime, but never getting the same a very long time ago. I'd always dropped everything whenever she needed us no matter how late or inconvenient the time, but the few times I had asked for support, she'd been too tired or busy. So I never asked again when I needed someone.

.:I am going to finish inventory with Ratchet and then I can talk. We can meet in Shadow's lab.:. I sent back to her.

.:…How long will that be?:. Stormbreaker

"Hmm," I hummed and then looked to my teacher. "Hey Ratch', how long you think we got left?"

Ratchet raised an optic ridge at me.

I shifted my wings. "Shadow' convinced Storm' to talk and she's asking to do so now so I asked her to let me finish, but she asked how long," I told him, only partially expecting her to following whatever timeline he gave me. "I'm not gonna drop my work with you for it. She doesn't drop play for it, so…" There was a firmness in my last sentence that left no room for him to give me an out.

Ratchet's expression softened and then he looked around at what we had left. "The rest shouldn't take anymore than an hour," he said. "I'll need time after that to compile our requisitions request and I don't need you for anything during that time."

.:Sis?:. Stormbreaker.

.:Ratchet said it should be about an hour. So, give or take a few minutes.:. I sent back, while also sending that timeframe to Shadowstreaker for him to meet us. I wasn't going to risk another argument without our brother there to keep it getting too bad.

.:…ok…See you then.:. Stormbreaker

My wings shifted slightly, but I tried to make myself move on and not dwell on the number of dots. She'd claimed many times that was just how she typed and there was no proof of that being a lie other than the absence of it during our early-early days from pre-yahoo chat. Besides, I was being honest about the timeframe of when I could.

.:The other option would be talking over intercom while I work.:. I replied anyways, feeling like I had to say something to assure her I wasn't meaning to put it off. I'd wanted this dealt with sooner.

.:I can wait. I'm talking with Jazz right now, anyways.:. Stormbreaker

.:Ok.:. I replied and refocused on my work.

There was part of me that wanted to talk to Jazz about the struggles I've faced with Stormbreaker over the years of our friendship at the reminder of their budding relationship. Let him know what he was getting into. But if she treated him better, it was just as well that I leave it alone. She'd been doing better until Elita showed up. Or, at least, I had thought she was. Maybe it really was just her emotions acting up. She was a very emotional person. A person's past shouldn't ruin their life forever. Benefit of the doubt was something I was always willing to give my friends. How much I didn't know…

Besides, it would only cause more conflict among us and that was the last thing I wanted. I didn't want to be the cause of the team falling apart. And I wanted my trine to stay together like we'd been for so long. That was the whole reason we'd taken that trip to comic-con together to begin with. To get some positive bonding in and deal with our issues. Not that we'd had much chance to talk about it, cause I made it clear we couldn't do so in the car. The car was the worst place to have arguments when one of us suffered vehicle anxiety to begin with. We never did actually have that conversation. Because of course we didn't when one party hid from it all the time, that's why the car was the place of arguments before…

I sighed slightly, pausing my work to take a moment to push all my emotions aside for the time being. I shoved them in a box and focused my entire attention to my task. Was this healthy? No. But my emotions about it all were too overwhelming to regulate in the middle of needing to focus. So…they got a lid instead. When breathing caused them to boil over instead of regulating…what else was there when there wasn't time to cry?

I was leaving medbay an hour later, walking out the door with a distracted look as I pondered how the conversation might go. Distracted as I was, I didn't realize I was leaving just as someone else was entering until I bumped right into a bot. It was a tall bot, so I bounced back from the force, making a surprised noise. I took a couple steps to prevent myself from falling over at the same time as a delicate hand grabbed my shoulder to do the same. My wings froze slightly. Only one bot's hands on this base could possibly be described as "delicate".

I looked up at Elita, feeling embarrassed and anxious, seeing Chromia was just behind her. I didn't know what to expect from her toward me yet. Between Storm's behavior since she arrived and my father's actions all those years ago, where did that leave me in her optics? Experience with others would say it put me in a hot spot, but I didn't know if Elita, this Elita, was one of those who would hold that stuff against me.

"My apologies, I didn't see you there," Elita said the moment before I'd opened my mouth to say the same thing.

My wings shifted in surprise at this unexpected turn of events. "It- It's ok," I said, trying to regain my bearings from the surprise. "I- wasn't looking myself. I offer my own apologies." Don't boil over emotions. I was thankful for my visor in that moment.

Elita smiled gently. "Forgiven," she said easily. She considered me for a moment. "Are you alright, Shadebreaker?"

"Hmm," I hummed in response, not sure how to respond. I wasn't, but I didn't have time to get into it. "I will be….I think…I'm headed right now to talk with Storm', so…I guess we'll see how that goes." I knew my body language was not carrying much hope in it, but I tried to smile anyways.

Elita sighed sadly. "I am sorry," she said sincerely. "It seems my presence has put a strain on your relationship with her."

I shook my helm. "No," I replied softly. "It's not your fault. You did nothing wrong. It's not your fault my father is too stubborn to take no for an answer. Or was? I'm unclear on where he stands right now, but yeah…" I trailed off as I realized I'd started rambling. I shook my helm slightly. "And it's not your fault Storm' is the way she is. This conflict is nothing new. It's merely been under the surface and your presence merely triggered it to become more apparent to everybot….something I was trying to avoid, but was inevitable. If it wasn't you arriving, something else would have triggered it. It could've simply been me pinning her down to have a conversation we were supposed to have ages ago. Lord knows how long overdue that is."

Elita gave me a sympathetic look. "So, avoiding conversations isn't something she does specifically with me," she said. She almost seemed relieved, but also saddened even further.

I shook my helm with a sigh. "No," I replied quietly. "And I suppose I have avoided it in some ways as well. I could've pushed more, but I was afraid it would just cause a blow up. And I am tired of arguments with her. They are…rough... But now things have gotten to a point a talk has to happen. I don't know if it will help, I don't even know if we'll talk about everything that needs talking about, but at least she's willing to talk right now. That's one step. Maybe she'll finally take the next?" I tried to sound hopeful, but knew she could tell I had little.

"We can hope," Elita said, smiling sadly.

"And maybe I can get her to actually have a conversation with you," I said, a little more hopeful. "Cause that needs to happen, too." My wings pinned back slightly before relaxing. "But anyways, I better go before I'm late."

"Go on, we can talk more later if you'd like," Elita said.

I looked her in the face for a moment. "I…would like that," I told her. "We'll figure out a time we're both free. For now, have a good day, hopefully. I'll see you at the meeting in a while."

Elita smiled gently. "You too," she said. "Good luck with Storm'."

"Thanks," I said and moved past her. "See you later as well, Chromia."

"See you, fembot," Chromia said, watching me go.

I glanced back for a moment as I left to see the two femmes exchange a couple words before looking after me, at which point I tried to pretend I hadn't looked back at them and moved just a touch faster toward Shadowstreaker's lab.

When I reached the door to the lab, I took a deep breath and then entered, half expecting Stormbreaker to be waiting impatiently and expecting her not to be there at all yet. It turned out to be the latter. Shadowstreaker was there, taking inventory of his own stock, but Stormbreaker wasn't present yet. Part of me wondered if she'd even be here for another hour or so.

"Hello," Shadowstreaker said as I entered, looking over from counting his parts.

"'Ello," I said, walking all the way in and making my way to a table with some space on it. I climbed onto it and sat, pedes dangling. "You hear an eta from Storm'?"

"No," Shadowstreaker replied.

"Me neither," I said with a sigh. I pulled out a datapad, expecting a wait. So many times of setting a time to get on the XBox when we lived far apart had taught me never to expect her to be on time to something like this. And with the way it went the other day when I'd tried to talk to her about her behavior, I was half expecting her to not show up. I certainly didn't expect her to take anything I said seriously.

I was only partially able to read the datapad, distracted by anxious thoughts about the conversation. We ended up waiting an hour for her, but I still only got through a few paragraphs and I knew I'd have to reread them later.

"Hey," Stormbreaker said when she finally walked in through the door. "Sorry I'm late. I was busy."

As trine leader, I knew her schedule. I knew it hadn't been with work or anything that couldn't have waited. She didn't appear injured or sick and I'd not gotten any alerts about any of the other bots. I pursed my lips as I looked at her, debating whether it was even worth it. We only had so much time left now before I had a meeting. Not enough time to cover everything that needed talking about.

"I would say something, but you already how I feel about timeliness," I decided to say, tone slightly short.

Stormbreaker rolled her optics. "You said 'give or take'."

"A few minutes," I said. "Not a whole hour. A whole hour is not 'a few minutes'. But we are not here to argue about your skewed sense of time and lack of respect for others' time."

"What are we here to talk about, then? If not how you think my behavior is sooo awful?" Stormbreaker asked.

"Let me make one thing clear, Storm'," I said, resisting the urge to get off the table and get in her face. Her lateness had put me into a sour mood, I had to admit, but I was trying not to let it change the way I handled this. Trying was probably the keyword. "I understand you are angry with Elita—"

Stormbreaker scoffed and I could tell she was about to say something.

"No," I said firmly, holding up a hand. "Do not interrupt me."

I waited for a moment, to make sure she was quiet and wasn't about to walk out of the room.

"I understand you are angry with her," I picked back up when I was relatively sure she'd be quiet, if only cause she knew Shadowstreaker would enforce the not interrupting rule. My tone was still firm, but it was softer now. "...and that's something you have to take up with her. But that does not excuse you treating me like shit again like you used to every time we have an argument, like you said you wouldn't. Like it or not, I am trine leader and it is my job to call you out when you are out of line. Nothing I have said or done warranted the way you completely dismissed me the other day and the way you've returned to finding the thing to say that is most hurtful when we disagree. It is not ok for you to do that to me. You've always done it. It's part of why we nearly completely parted ways before."

"Well, maybe I wouldn't do that if you didn't try to force me into being in the same room as her," Stormbreaker said.

"No," Shadowstreaker said, stepping over so he was closer. "No blame game today." He said firmly. "You know we are supposed to all be debriefed before going on our way after a mission. No one is forcing you to be in the same room as Elita out of spite. Or some form of punishment or whatever you are thinking it is."

"No, just trying to get me to talk to her," Stormbreaker said, sounding bitter.

"Because you need to instead of making assumptions," I said, voice blowing up louder than I'd intended.

Shadowstreaker held his hands up before either of us could say anymore, making calming motions with his hands toward both of us.

I gusted air through my system, regulating some emotion out, but a lot still got shoved into a box cause there were too many of them. "Look, I'm not going to force you to talk with her, but I will not stop saying it is necessary," I said. "You won't take my word for it, fine. I get my father has not painted himself in a trustworthy light, but that should not affect what you think about my opinion. I get you think I'm gullible, which I'm not by the way, but that doesn't make anything you have done or said about the matter to me ok. Instead of listenin—"

"Whatever," Stormbreaker cut me off the moment I started pointing out her behavior. "You are gullible. You're naive. Why the hell should I talk to the femme who abandoned me?"

"Says the femme who abandoned me! And you had a choice! She didn't!" I shot back, loudly as my whole frame shook from anger, the topic being a highly sensitive one. The hypocrisy of her statement also set me off. "Don't be such a hypocrite!"

"When did I abandon you?!" Stormbreaker asked angrily, hands thrown into the air. "I never did that!"

"Tell that to an empty apartment!" I replied, battling tears, ignoring a ping on my comm. The pain and hurt she'd just caused by saying that made everything else fuzz in my perception. "Tell that to my bank account with the bills you promised to help with! Tell that to the mad dash to find an apartment! Tell that to all the times I reached out to try to talk! Tell that…to the mess you left for me to cleanup." I ignored multiple pings while speaking, aware who they were from but unable to look at the messages at the moment. "Tell that to the hurt spark standing in that empty apartment on a day where I needed someone there." My voice was cracking the whole speech.

"I told you, the idea wasn't to abandon you, but I couldn't keep doing that drive." Stormbreaker said.

"So you left without a word," I said, voice revealing my brokenness. "Sooner than you'd said. And found an excuse to stop helping with the bills as soon as it was feasible to believe you didn't just not want to help. I paid over three thousand dollars in one month in rent and moving costs by myself because you couldn't be bothered to hold to your word, despite knowing it would leave me with very little left to work with for survival. Which was just another in a long list of broken promises through the years. An action you promised time and time again to stop doing. Along with lying that you promised never to do and then continued to do again and again and again!"

"Now when have I ever lied to you?" Stormbreaker said.

I threw my hands up in the air. "Again?! Really?! Again with the gaslighting?!"

"Stop!" Shadowstreaker said, finally having enough of our screaming at each other and being ignored when he said something quieter. "Enough! Screaming at each other isn't going to solve this."

"Neither will pretending shit didn't happen to keep the peace," I said, tone angry. "Neither will pretending lies didn't happen just because they were forgiven. Neither is overlooking it every time a lie is made or wrong is done! Forgiveness is not license to repeatedly do something over and over and over! And it's certainly not license to try to gaslight someone you call a sister!"

Stormbreaker stared at me, gaze as smoldering as my own when I looked her in the optics.

"This is the second time you've actively tried to pretend you haven't lied to me at all," I said, getting up from the table and walking toward the door. "You tried to say that when I called you out for lying about the cat. That's also part of why I cut you off the first time. I know I deserve better than to be treated like someone to just walk all over to get what you want, regardless of how it affects me, like someone to manipulate into doing and saying whatever you damn well please, like someone it's ok to purposely hurt every time we don't agree on how to handle something." I paused at the door. "I have a meeting to get to now, that I'm gonna be late to, because you couldn't bother to be on time. I suggest you figure out whether staying out of trouble is more important to you or keeping your so-called sister is."

Stormbreaker didn't say anything as I left the room. The door closed behind me and I took just a moment to gust air through my system before walking off toward the elevator, responding shortly to one of the pings that I was on my way. Despite my best efforts, tears were falling down my face as I made my way down to the war room for the meeting. Once I made it to the door, I wiped the tears away and gusted air heavily through my system. Once I felt as gathered as was possible, I opened the door and walked in, still having to shove some emotions into a box.

I was met by silence and a tentative look around showed some sympathy and sadness in a few of their faces. My wings shifted slightly. "I'm sorry I'm late," I said, tone quiet. "It won't happen again."

I moved toward my seat next to Ironhide, across from the empty seat next to Jazz was. No one was next to me, since there were more chairs than participants in this meeting. I sat carefully in my seat, aware that if I didn't, I might slam myself into the chair and cause it or myself damage. A moment after I sat down, Ironhide's hand was gently on my shoulder.

"Now that we are all here," Prowl said, though I didn't hear any harshness in his voice like I'd expected. He lifted a datapad before he started and I forced my processor to focus on his words. "We have decoded the information gathered from the Decepticon prison. While there are some minor differences, it appears that the information Starscream provided Shadebreaker was mostly accurate."

"Does that mean it isn't a trap?" I asked, curiosity and some caution in my tone. My tone was also quiet due to the emotions still warring in my spark.

"Not exactly, femling," Chromia said. "It just means he gave you as accurate information as he likely could. Or he knew about the differences and didn't provide entirely accurate information in hopes his slightly inaccurate version would lead to a capture."

"But his brothers are there, yes?" I asked, looking at Prowl.

Prowl nodded. "They are," he said. "And based on the information Jazz retrieved from the data-base….they are not there just for validity. There is mention of their purpose as a means to control Starscream."

"What I don't get is, why did Megatron make Starscream second in command if he has to hold his brothers to get him to cooperate?" Chromia asked. "It doesn't make sense."

"Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer," I said, raising my optic ridges. "It sounds like stereo-typical villain behavior to me."

Prowl raised an optic ridge at me. "Shadebreaker is not wrong," he said. "Megatron has a tendency to keep anyone he sees as a threat in high places. It makes them easier to monitor. And he must see a free Starscream as a high threat to keep him at his side constantly the way he does."

"And he must have someone else around to keep him in line," I said. "Otherwise, it doesn't make sense what he was doing when my trine and I first joined when lined up against this. Why continue to act out the Decepticon way when Megatron is far away?"

"I believe that would be Soundwave," Prowl said.

"What makes you so certain that that wasn't just evidence Starscream isn't a traitor to the Decepticons?" Elita asked.

"I spent time among the Decepticons myself, if you would recall," Prowl said, doorwings shifting downward. "Megatron kept me close. Close enough to see that Starscream's position was a farce. Soundwave was the one calling the shots when Megatron was absent. At the time I thought it was just Starscream being too cowardly to stand up for himself and his stupid ideas, but now I believe Soundwave was keeping him in line for Megatron and stopping him from purposely messing up his plans."

"You sound pretty convinced this whole thing isn't a farce," Ironhide said.

"If the goal was to capture me," I said quietly. "Wouldn't it have made sense not to let me go the first time? I mean, why let me go if this isn't real?"

"To drag others down with you," Chromia said darkly.

My wings hitched up and I otherwise went really quiet as I struggled with the emotions that idea caused to well-up. A mix of fear and anger and frustration and sadness.

"I do not believe that is Starscream's goal," Prowl said, watching us. "If what Starscream wanted was to take multiple of us down, he could've easily taken Arcee and Stormbreaker when he captured Shadebreaker the first time. Decepticons aren't known for holding up their end of such sacrificial plays without something forcing them to."

Ironhide grunted. "I think we all know how true that is," he said darkly.

I looked around at them and sighed slightly at the truth of that statement I could read on their faces. "That is…good information to know," I said after a moment, looking a little perturbed.

"Did you seriously expect them to have any honor?" Chromia asked.

"'Mia," Elita said firmly, somewhat rebuking.

"Sorry, I just forgot for a moment this is all new to you," Chromia said, looking at me.

I shrugged. "Eh, I mean, in my helm I knew it was possible that they wouldn't, they're not the only ones to ever be dishonest in my life, but in the moment it felt worth a shot," I said, trying not to notice the flinch from Elita as she possibly knew who I was referring to. "I just hadn't figured out whether to file it as a tactic that could work normally or to file it under 'very specific circumstances that probably won't ever happen again'."

Ironhide chuckled at that. "Femme, you have interesting ways of wording things sometimes." he rubbed the top of my helm fondly.

"It's a past time," I said, halfway grinning.

"Back to the topic at hand, we should discuss our next move in regards to this mission," Prowl said.

Everyone straightened up a bit and Prowl motioned for Optimus to speak.

"This won't be an easy task," Optimus said, looking at everyone around the table. "While this facility doesn't seem to be the most highly secure facility, it's still among the most dangerous Decepticon prisons."

My wings shifted a little. That really put into perspective how lucky we'd been to not be caught the first time sneaking in. "How likely is it they've adjusted things since we broke in?"

"Very," Prowl replied.

My wings shifted and I almost asked something else, but stopped as I processed things. "So we can't rely on what we found remaining accurate." I said in conclusion. "It mostly just serves to confirm it's not likely a trick."

Prowl nodded.

"Still doesn't entirely rule it out," Chromia said.

I sighed, feeling tired from the idea that another person might just be manipulating me to get what they want. My wings drooped low.

"Shade'," Ironhide said, placing a hand on my shoulder again. "Don't let the possibility of it being a trick drive you away from your nature to help."

"It's just tiring," I said and then lost words to expand upon that. "That's all."

Ironhide rubbed my shoulder comfortingly. "I understand," he said. "We all do. But we have a duty to do the right thing."

"Not to mention the opportunity presented to us by removing Starscream from the Decepticons' grasp," Prowl said. "The intelligence he may provide could be invaluable. And if he leaves them, it may trigger other Seekers to rethink their alliance."

My wings shifted uncomfortably. I had thought about that, too, but I couldn't have that be the main reason to help Starscream. It felt too much like the manipulation I have always hated others doing.

"Not that those benefits are the reason we should do this," Elita said, shooting Prowl a look before turning to look at me more gently. "It makes sense strategically if it works out, yes, but the main reason is as Ironhide said. To do the right thing. A bot is suffering and we have a chance to relieve that suffering. And Starscream has a right to make his own choices. He can't do that as is."

I felt encouraged by Elita's words and my wings perked up. I half-way grinned at her, before sighing again, relieved they were still on my side about Starscream and weren't letting me become too discouraged. I nodded my agreement.

The meeting continued as we discussed who might be the best bots to go on this rescue mission. Myself, Chromia and Jazz would be going again. Additionally the twins and Elita would be going. When deciding if my trinemates would come, albeit reluctantly, I felt I had to speak up.

"With her behavior lately, I do not feel safe having Storm' along," I said honestly, tone quiet. "A lot of her old behaviors are cropping up and she's just making excuses for why it's ok like she used to. Even if there wasn't the conflict of her trying to avoid Elita at all costs, I would be worried about her doing something immensely impulsive."

"I agree," Prowl said. "Though she will likely not be happy to be left out. Your trinemates both promised to aid you in this."

I had to take a moment to hold in my scoff. "She can help in other ways, if she really wants to keep that promise," I said, tone carefully controlled.

There was silence around the table aside from the sound of some of the bots shifting. After a few moments of silent contemplation, Ironhide placed a hand on my shoulder.

"I'm sure she does," Ironhide said gently.

"You don't know her like I do," I said. "Her promises to me have rarely mattered before. Out of thirteen years and a million promises, only a very small handful have been kept. But we are not here to discuss my dysfunctional relationship with Storm'."

"No, but we are here if you need to talk," Ironhide told me gently.

I released a gust of air from my vents. "I appreciate that," I said. "Perhaps later, when we are not discussing a mission."

"Do you believe Shadowstreaker should go on the mission?" Prowl asked.

My wings shifted. "I do not foresee a problem with him going on the mission," I said.

"That didn't really answer the question, femling," Chromia said drily, looking mildly amused.

My wings shifted. "I think he should go," I said, more confident after having thought about it. "His promise aside, his skills will be helpful if we run into trouble."

"Very well," Optimus said. "We have our team, let us move on to devising a plan."

And that's how we spent the next several hours. It was late by the time we finished, though the plan wasn't complete yet. We'd have to go over it again and hone in on the details, but it was well in the works. After the meeting was dismissed, Ironhide stopped me as we were leaving the meeting room.

"Before you go back to your quarters, we wanted to make sure you are ok," Ironhide said, tone gentle. Chromia was with him, looking neutral.

"Why would I not be?" I asked, wings shifting.

"It's not like you to be late to a meeting," Ironhide said. He hesitated. "And we may have caught the tail end of your argument with Storm'. I do not pretend to know everything, but it sounds like things are pretty rough between you two these days."

"When are they not?" I asked, shrugging.

"I mean, I know you two argue, but up until now we'd all thought you were close," Ironhide said.

"We were," I replied. "Once." I shifted my wings again and sighed, looking down. "I wish I could tell you something more positive, Ironhide, I really do. I'd been trying to keep it from affecting any relationships between any of us and you all. Storm' and my relationship has been strained since before we joined you. I had hoped you bots would be enough of an influence on her that she'd do better. I know change takes time and that backslides happen, but…I don't know." I sighed, wings and helm both lowering.

"It sounded like there's a lot of pain and hurt there," Chromia said.

"There is," I confirmed quietly, hugging myself. "I won't stand here and pretend I've been the perfect friend either. But I don't see that as a reason to excuse all of what she has done in our friendship. The broken promises, the lies, the manipulation. It's just…" I gestured helplessly. "..I don't know anymore… I don't know what to do… I try to stay calm to talk to her, but there's so much hurt and pain that it's…I am rarely, if ever successful anymore…not that it matters….even back when I was calm about things she never listened then…I doubt it would make a difference now…" My wings shrugged and then twitched angrily a little. "I was calm when trying to talk to her about leaving before the debriefing and it was no different than if I had come in yelling and screaming, so… yeah…"

"I thought you had seemed really subdued in the showers," Chromia said. "Not at all like what I'd been told you were."

"It's hard to be perky and friendly right off from being told I'm just trying too hard to be a leader when I was literally just doing a bare minimum thing," I said, shrugging with a sigh. "And knowing she said that because she knows I'm not super confident in being trineleader, in part due to her constantly saying it should've been her or Shadow' and treating me like dirt through the years."

"Aw, femmling," Ironhide said, likely hearing the broken emotion in my voice despite my efforts to try to keep it in. He pulled me into a hug as a hitched sob made its way out of me.

"I don't know what to do anymore," I admitted through tears. My voice was broken as my wings lowered. I felt Chromia's hand on my shoulder as Ironhide tightened his arms around me.

"For now, why don't we go somewhere out of the hallway?" Ironhide suggested.

I nodded and then shifted away, letting him guide me through the halls until we eventually entered his forge. It wasn't that far from the war room, which was probably why we went there and not anywhere else. It was private and didn't require going through the whole base to get there. We spent the next few hours there, spending time together. We talked a little bit about things that had gone on between Storm' and I, but we shifted focus when I couldn't emotionally handle revisiting everything and worrying about what doing so might do to relationships between bots on the base. It didn't help that I knew if Storm' found out any of the bots knew about our spat then she'd get mad at me for talking shit about her despite that not being what I was doing, I was literally just breaking.

When we shifted gears, though, Ironhide started telling me about weapons and showing me how to properly care for them. I already knew some of it, but I soaked up what I didn't. And I leaned into the snuggles Chromia offered until I fell asleep.