JENNIE
The next couple of days were a blur, except for the angry meeting with Duvall where I was told not to duck my security detail again. Becca had not been a happy camper either. I'd had to explain that going out to the bookstore hadn't seemed like a thing I would need security for, but they only seemed slightly mollified. The only bright spots were the lunches I had with Ryujin at a small table tucked away in the kitchen. She gave me the gossip about some of the royals and local celebrities. She was also full of information on the upcoming events and charities.
"What about politics? I know Royals don't vote or run for office, but is there anything I need to be on the lookout for?"
"Mainly you want to do the political dance if you're ever on the spot. Vague answers, smiles, and hoping for the best stuff. Anything else can come back to bite you in the arse." Ryujin took a bite of her sandwich.
"So what is our job exactly?" I sipped at the soda I had found in a pantry.
"We host dignitaries, advise parliament, lead charities, and see to our own lands. When something tragic happens in our districts, it's our job to try to help. Sometimes that's with money, other times it can be with connections or a simple friendly hand." She stopped and thought for a minute. "Actually, we're really busy. It probably feels like you're doing a bunch of things that don't matter right now, but you can't think of it that way. Think of it as networking. You're building a base of people who might be able to assist you in the future. "
"And in turn I need to help them in some way." I thought about it. "Oh, man, Ryujin. This is such a bad job for me. I'm terrible at keeping my opinions to myself. I'm likely to piss someone off and not on accident. It's a miracle that I've gotten through this week without doing it."
"Are you kidding me? You're Korean and they expect you to be curt and adorable."
"Uh, that's offensive." I shook my head. "There are a lot of Koreans that would go out of their way to not insult anyone. I'm just not one of them."
"Exactly. And people like it. They think it's refreshing."
I snorted and almost dribbled soda out of my mouth. "Refreshing. Right."
"Seriously. I heard you shot down Jeremy and he still wanted you to do his show." She waved her chip in the air. "He thought it was great that you were so transparent and upfront. No tiptoeing around stuff."
"Jeremy is a weird guy and I'd rather stab myself in the eye with a spork than be the host of a television show."
"A spork?" Her mouth twitched.
"Weird little spoon that thinks it's a fork."
"You're kind of crazy." She smiled. "I can see why Lisa is so smitten."
"Excuse me?" I looked around to see if anyone was listening, but the closest person was washing dishes on the other side of the room.
"C'mon. I'm not blind, Jen."
"We're just friends." I looked down at my food.
"Why?" She pushed my plate with her finger so that I'd look up.
"What?"
"Why are you just friends? You're wearing the necklace she gave you, she hovers around you like a mommy bear, and the chemistry is disgustingly obvious." She narrowed her eyes. "Is it because of Tzuyu? You have to know how much that hurt Lisa."
"No, it's not that." I frowned. "There's just so much going on and I don't think I can handle a relationship on top of it all."
"So, it's because of your father?"
"No. Yes. Partly. It's everything. I'm trying to learn how to do all this." I motioned around the kitchen. "Plus, I'm leaving soon and Dad will be here. He's going to need me."
"Is that all of it?" She leveled her gaze on mine and I squirmed.
"Did you take classes as a child on how to get what you want?"
"Don't change the subject, Jennie. What is this really about?" She leaned forward.
"I just told you!"
"You think your father would want you to miss out on something—someone—that would love you because of him? All this change, it's scary. I get that. But it can be good, too. You don't see it because you're living it, but to those of us watching, it's obvious that you were meant for this job, for this life."
I chewed on my lip while I pondered what she was saying. "That's pretty deep for an eighteen-year-old."
"I might have come from a life of privilege, but that doesn't mean I don't have any perspective." Something in her eyes shifted and I saw a much older girl looking back at me.
"I'm scared." I said the words in a rush. Maybe if I said it out loud it would make it less real.
"Of what, exactly?"
"Lisa—it wouldn't be a fling. It wouldn't be simple or easy. If I let myself, I'd just end up hurt and then it would be in every newspaper and on every gossip site."
"Why do you think Lisa would hurt you?" She sat back in her seat. "No one knows Lisa the way I do. When Daddy died, Lisa stepped up and became the man of the house. She watched out for me and Haru. Haru has classic middle-child syndrome and left for school as quickly as he could, but every decision Lisa has made was based on how it would affect us. And I can see how much she already cares about you. She would never do anything to hurt you."
"Not on purpose." I played with my napkin. "I don't think I could handle the scrutiny, the media attention."
"That'll die down after a while. Or you'll get used to it. It's overwhelming right now, but we do have real lives. We go on vacations and sometimes have lazy Sundays like everyone else in the world."
She didn't understand. She'd been born into something that was so foreign to me I felt as if I'd been dropped on another planet. And Lisa would break my heart—she'd have to when it came time for her to take the throne. I'd read enough in my Idiots Guide to the Monarchy that I knew she had to marry someone of royal blood who would be able to help her rule the country.
"The wheels are turning in your head; I can practically hear the gears squeak." She leaned forward and lowered her voice. "You know what I think? I think you're worried about what it would mean if it all worked out. Lisa comes with some heavy baggage. Crown princess isn't nearly as fun as they make it out to be in the storybooks. Whoever she chooses will be queen."
I groaned. "Exactly. I'm an Korean, for crying out loud. Remember? The adorable little foreigner that says whatever she's thinking? No one would accept me as their queen and God knows I wouldn't blame them. When I think about being with Lisa, I can't just think about how she makes me feel, I have to think about how it would affect an entire country. If they reject me, she would have to leave me. And if they don't reject me, how badly could I screw it all up?"
Ryujin smiled and leaned back in her chair. "She could always abdicate."
"Geez, Ryujin, that wouldn't make me feel like an ass or anything." I glared at her. "Our entire relationship, I would be the reason she wasn't queen."
"The very things that have you worried are the exact things that mean you would make an excellent queen."
"You don't understand. You've been brought up your whole life with that as a possible future. I was brought up in a land with no kings or queens. The very idea makes me nervous."
"You do realize you're from a line of royalty that once held the crown of Lilaria?" She snorted and picked up her plate. "Jen, get it together. Sometimes all our plans for life go to shit. You end up doing something you never dreamed of and you know what you do?"
I stood up and followed her to the sink with my plate. "What's that, oh wise one?"
"You make the best out of it you can. Nothing is ever as good or as bad as you think it will be. It's what you make of it." Lisa had said that exact same thing to me. She tossed her leftovers and handed the plate to the dishwasher. "But I can tell you this: You will never find another person that would love you the way Lisa would."
"Riddle me this. If you're so smart, why are you hanging out with Kai? He's a scumbag." I looked over at her as we walked.
"Oh, I know." She shrugged. "I know exactly what he's after, but when it's just us, we have fun. I might understand how the world works, but that doesn't mean I don't want to just be a little wild."
"Be careful there. The lines become blurry when we're living it."
"I will." Her blithe answer did nothing to make me feel like I had gotten through to her. Kai was dangerous and I'd hate to see some of her sweetness smothered by the scars he would leave on her heart. "You leave tomorrow?"
"Yep. Bright and early. I think we're driving." I shrugged. "Jimin already packed up my clothes and sent them to the house."
"You'll love it out there. Lots of trees and quiet."
"I've seen some pictures online, but I'm really looking forward to being there in person." I stopped near my bedroom door.
"Lisa is going, too?"
"Yes." I took a deep breath. I hadn't seen her since our trip to the bookstore. It felt like ages and I was eager but also nervous to see her again.
"Lighten up, Jen." She pushed my shoulder. "I expect an invitation to dinner soon."
"Pizza party at my place."
"Sounds perfect." She hugged me quickly. "I've got to run."
"See you soon."
I spent the rest of the afternoon going through my e-mails. I was almost through with the list of unread messages when a new one popped in. When I saw the return address I grinned. It was from Bert, probably telling me about something silly Somi had done. I clicked on the icon and almost screamed when I saw the attached pictures.
From: BERT
To: "Jen Kim" PRIVATE
Subject: Important Question!!
Jen,
I was going to ask you to come with me to look, but since you're all the way in Lilaria I'm sending you pictures. She'll kick my ass if I pick the wrong one. What do you think?
Bert
I looked over the picture of rings and chewed on my lip. I was so happy for Somi, but also sad that I wouldn't be there to listen to her squealing. I looked over the choices carefully, trying to pick out what Somi would and wouldn't like. I debated for a minute over a couple of settings before responding.
From: Jen Kim
To: "BERT"
Subject: RE: Important Question!!
Bert,
It has to be the round-cut; they have the most facets so sparkle the most. And we know how much Somi loves to sparkle!
Congrats! Really happy for you guys.
Jen
I hit the send button and sat there staring at my computer monitor. I wasn't there, but I had still been able to help Bert. I sent a quick e-mail to Dad with pictures I had snapped with my phone. Looking through the snapshots made me realize how much of the city I had seen. Ryujin was right. I needed to stop focusing on the parts that made me miserable and enjoy the good things that came with this new life.
I decided to relax the rest of the night. Jimin was so busy he hadn't scheduled me anything after lunch. It was like coming home and having no homework. I made use of the big tub and finished the book I had started on the plane. In fact, I was so engrossed in the book that the water chilled and I had to get out. It was the most peaceful night I had spent in Lilaria and I was grateful for it. I had needed to recharge my batteries. I felt like I had been handing out little pieces of myself to everyone I met and took pictures with. After a while I had begun to feel like a shell of the person I was and having the night off was working wonders.
I fell asleep with the e-reader on my chest and didn't move the entire night.