[Craig's house, moments later. A knock on the door is heard, Craig's dad goes over to open it and finds Clyde there with Tweek and Pip]
CLYDE: Hi, uh, it's me, Clyde. Is Craig still here?
THOMAS: Uh, yeah, he is, but he doesn't want to talk to anyone right now.
CLYDE: Please, I really need to show him something! It's important!
THOMAS: Well, alright then. He's upstairs. [He walks back inside]
[Meanwhile, Craig is lying down on his bed in his room. Thomas, his dad, opens the door and walks in]
THOMAS: Uh, Craig? You feeling any better?
CRAIG: No, dad, I'm dying. I've been completely discredited.
THOMAS: Well, your little friend, Clyde wants to talk to you.
[Clyde, Tweek and Pip walk into the room]
CRAIG: Clyde? No, no, no, no, no. Do not let- dad! Do not let Clyde in my- Aw, goddamn it.
[Thomas leaves the room, shutting the door behind him]
CRAIG: What do you guys want?
PIP: Craig, Clyde has an idea that might save our Cred.
CRAIG: Nothing is gonna save our "Cred", you boners.
CLYDE: Will you just listen? My influencer said there's gonna be a big Cred promotion at a CVS in Pueblo.
CRAIG: [uninterested] A promotion, great.
CLYDE: They're gonna sell a very limited quantity of an all-new Cred that nobody's even tried yet.
TWEEK: So we could ditch school, find a way to get to Pueblo and come back with a Cred nobody else can even get.
PIP: We'd have our Cred back.
CRAIG: [hesitates briefly before facing away again] We followed Clyde before, you guys, and it cost us everything.
CLYDE: Look, 50 cases of Cred, [Clyde brings out his phone, and shows Craig the CVS page for Mega Cred] only available tomorrow 200 miles away and then not available for another six months. It's called Mega Cred.
CRAIG: [he hesitates for a few seconds before deciding to go with the plan. He gets off his bed and takes his phone out from his drawers] Alright, you son of a bitch. Maybe our affinity group isn't dead just yet. [he walks out of his room as Clyde follows him]
[Tegridy Farms. Randy is sat down with dozens of Cred drinks around him on shelves and tables]
RANDY: [filming himself] Hey, what up, guys? It's your boy, Randy. In this video, I'm gonna be trying out six different flavors of the newest sports drink. As you can see, I've got lots of Cred. Do you like Cred? If so, leave a comment down below, and maybe smash that like button. Okay, we're gonna start with Summer Popsicle. [Randy grabs a pink and orange bottle of Cred] I guess it's pretty popular. [Randy sniffs the contents of the bottle] Smells okay. Let's see how good it is. [Randy then begins to pour the contents of the drink onto his genitals] Ooh. Oh, okay, yeah. That one's kind of fizzy. K-Kind of fizzy, but more on the penis than it is on them balls. Yeah, this is really nice. Oh. Oh, yeah, it looks good. Yeah, looks delicious. おいしい… Hey, If you're liking the content, be sure to subscribe. Really helps the channel out. Let's move on to another flavor now.
[Randy is at his laptop watching the video]
RANDY: This one's called Purple Snow Globe. Let's see how it tastes. [Randy repeats the same process] Ooh. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's a good one. [Randy pauses the video, and takes note of the increasing view count] Oh? [The view count continues to increase] Oh, my God! Sharon, you got to see this! [Randy goes down to the kitchen] Hey, Sharon!
[Randy goes to the living room, where Sharon has arrived with three unique bags of clothes]
RANDY: Oh, there you are, Sharon. Been out shopping with all the money you made on OnlyFans?
SHARON: I'm ready to stop whenever you are.
RANDY: Oh, ho! Yeah, I don't think so, Sharon. [Randy grabs his phone, Sharon lays out the bags on the coffee table] I just had a video on TikTok with 1,000 views and a video on Meta with 2,000! That's gonna drive all the subscribers to my OnlyFans page. You said my penis wasn't a big deal, and now look!
[Randy shows Sharon his phone screen, which presumably has the view count of his latest video]
SHARON: What are you doing with that Cred bottle?
RANDY: Oh, that's just a little trend jumping.
SHARON: [frantic] Randy, you know who drinks Cred, right? Children!
RANDY: No, it's not even suitable for children.
SHARON: Okay, this has to stop, Randy. The only views you're getting on TikTok and Meta are from kids!
RANDY: That's not what the data shows, Sharon. According to Meta and TikTok, their audience is predominately people over the age of 22. That means it's not kids who care about Cred, it's adults who want to see my dick.
[Randy gestures towards his genitals, before he begins to walk out]
SHARON: Randy, please. Let's just call it a tie, okay?
RANDY: Oh, I bet you'd love that now. Now that my OnlyFans is about to be bigger than yours. [Randy begins to go up the stairs] I'm gonna beat your ass, honey!
SHARON: [sighs] And for a while, I thought he improved his attitude.
[Pueblo, Colorado. The boys get off of the South Park City Transit bus while it is stopped outside of the CVS Pharmacy]
CRAIG: [checking his phone] Oh, Jesus, now it looks like they're doing a 2-bottle max per person.
PIP: Oh, okay, so two bottles each. That means we'll have eight altogether.
CLYDE: Is that enough Cred?
CRAIG: [he looks over in shock] Oh my god.
TWEEK: No!
[Thousands of children are forming a riot outside of the CVS pharmacy, each are wanting the new Mega Cred]
CRED KIDS: [chanting] We want Cred! We want Cred! We want Cred! We want Cred!
CLYDE: Dude, there's like 2,000 kids here!
CRAIG: [he puts his phone away] Don't these losers have anything better to do than fight over a shitty drink? Come on, we gotta make our way to the front!
[The boys make their way over to the CVS, during this a reporter is just outside the building "making a report" on the limited release of Mega Cred]
REPORTER: Tom, I'm standing outside the CVS in Pueblo where thousands of children have shown up to get some Cred. [as the camera pans away, we get to see that the lower half of the reporter is completely naked] The fake sugar hydration drink is considered not suitable for children and yet kids are literally fighting to get their hands on this limited edition. I'll be covering the whole thing live here on my OnlyFans page. Just DM me if there's anything custom you'd like to see.
[Meanwhile, the boys are struggling to get past all the many hyperactive kids]
CLYDE: Dude, this is fucking crazy!
PIP: There's never going to be enough Cred for everybody!
CRAIG: [he stops as notices someone at the front of the crowd] Oh my God. No. No! It's Spencer Hollis!
[Sure enough, Spencer Hollis is at the front of the crowd as he attempts to push several kids out of the way]
SPENCER: Hey, stop pushing, kid!
TWEEK: What's he doing here, that dirty son of a bitch?
CRAIG: He clearly ditched school to come get Cred, and he doesn't even like it! He's a fucking poser!
[The crowd continues to chant "We want Cred", until a boy notices a delivery truck carrying Cred]
KID: THE DELIVERY TRUUUUCK!
[A Cred delivery truck makes its way to the CVS building, children try to climb on to the glass of the vehicle, and some even get run over in the process as the sounds of children screaming can be heard]
TRUCK DRIVER: Ah! Aah! Get away!
KID 2: GIVE ME CRED!
TRUCK DRIVER: You're all a bunch of animals! Ah!
KIDS: CRED! Give me the Cred! I gotta have Cred! GIVE ME CRED!
TWEEK: [becomes freaked out by all the chaos happening] Oh, Jesus, I can't take this! I'm not gonna stay here and risk getting killed, I'm getting out of here!
CLYDE: Hey, Tweek! Wait!
PIP: Tweek is right, we should try to get out of here.
[Tweek tries to escape, but is blocked by several other kids, so do Craig, Clyde and Pip]
CRAIG: Dude, we can't get out! We're all trapped!
PIP: Oh glory, this is terrible!
CLYDE: Guys, we need to get that Mega Cred! My influencer demands it!
CRAIG: Clyde, if I didn't know you any better, I think your influencer just wants to get us all killed.
[The truck parks at the loading dock and signals to an employee]
EMPLOYEE 1: Okay, go, go, go!
EMPLOYEE 2: Okay, okay, it's here, you bastards. Come in and- [the children push the Employee down, and make their way into the building] Ah!
KID 3: I was here first!
CRAIG: Tweek's not gonna make it, you guys!
[Tweek is jammed in the crowd, screaming. The screaming of children continues, as they make their way through the building]
KIDS: WHERE IS IT?! WHERE'S THE CRED?! IT'S OVER THERE!
[The children run over to a cardboard Mega Cred display, climbing to the top to try to get a bottle of Mega Cred, some push others off in the process]
KIDS: GIVE ME CRED! ME FIRST! ME FIRST!
[Children are fighting others with bottles of Mega Cred, the drink is being thrown and squished on the ground]
KID: GIVE ME THE CRED!
[A child holding several bottles of Mega Cred is being pushed off of the display, before falling down. Another child runs to a lone bottle of Mega Cred, while several other children follow in pursuit of the bottle]
KID 4: There's some, right there! [the child is hit with a shopping cart] Ah!
KID 5: IT'S GONE! IT'S ALL GONE!
[Clyde and Pip are already inside, trying to avoid all the rioting kids and flying Cred bottles and the occasional limbs]
PIP: [he screams as he dodges a flying Cred bottle]
CLYDE: How the fuck did it come down to this?! My influencer never told me there's gonna be a bunch of kids rioting for this stuff!
PIP: Well, we can't go back now or else we'll get attacked ourselves!
CLYDE: Yes, but we need to get that Mega Cred!
PIP: Look out! [he pushes Clyde out of the way as a dismembered head of a child flies straight towards them as misses]
CLYDE: Hey, where's Craig?
CRAIG: I'm right here, you guys! [Clyde and Pip look to see Craig near of the shelves away from the chaos] I'm just gonna see if there's any Mega Cred left in here.
PIP: Alright Craig, but please be careful.
[Craig quickly goes behind a shelf and tries looking for any Mega Cred left, but there's none there]
CRAIG: Huh? What the? Surely, they must've been some… [he then realizes who took all of them and looks back to see Spencer running out of the pharmacy with the Mega Cred] Oh, for Christ's sake…
[Spencer's mother is outside in the car on her phone, Spencer runs out of the building with several bottles of Cred]
SPENCER: [panting] MOM!
SPENCER'S MOM: Spencer?
SPENCER: Start the car! START THE CAR!
SPENCER'S MOM: Jesus Christ!
SPENCER: START THE FUCKING CAR, MOM!
CRAIG: [also running out of the building, pushing several kids out of the way. Tweek is still by the entrance and notices Craig running out] Spencer's getting away with the Cred! Get him Tweek!
[Spencer quickly gets in the car and drives off as Craig and Tweek chase after it, but fail]
TWEEK: NO!
[Influencer Talent Agency. Randy is sat down with the receptionist going over his views]
RECEPTIONIST: Well, these are extremely impressive numbers. It looks like your content's getting a lot of views online.
RANDY: Yeah, thanks. But you see, what I'm trying to learn now is how to take all the views I'm getting on like Instagram and stuff and use them to make myself bigger.
RECEPTIONIST: Well, we can help you with that. You know, to really succeed, you gotta ask yourself: What is it that you want to achieve as an influencer?
RANDY: Well, what I really want to do… is beat my wife.
RECEPTIONIST: [confused] You want to beat your wife?
RANDY: I mean, don't we all?
RECEPTIONIST: I-I don't understand, you want to beat your wife on Instagram?
RANDY: I want to beat her on Instagram, I want to beat her on TikTok, but mostly I want to beat the shit out of her on OnlyFans and make a lot of money doing it.
RECEPTIONIST: Hmm. Okay, well, if you can get the kids to watch then we can find you a sponsor. Organizations will do anything to reach kids these days.
RANDY: Oh, yeah, yeah, but, see, my content actually isn't suitable for children.
RECEPTIONIST: Right. I mean, the data shows kids aren't the main audience for any of this stuff, right?
RANDY: Right.
RECEPTIONIST: Right. Mr. Marsh, the thing is, a sponsor not only gets you cash but they also help you push that algorithm so that their message is heard through you.
RANDY: Oh, really?
RECEPTIONIST: Yeah, there's gonna be a lot of companies that want to pay you to show your videos to "not kids."
[Randy pulls out a notepad and pen, and begins writing down notes]
RECEPTIONIST: But what we want to do is get these sponsors to bid against each other for your audience. That's when you become a big influencer. And then you can beat your wife as much as you want.
RANDY: Wow.
[CVS Pharmacy. Clyde is laying face-down on the floor of the building. He wakes up and begins to look around the deserted building, shelves are knocked over and items are scattered around the ground. Some children are seen lying down on the ground with blood, who are presumably dead. Others are jammed in between shelves and objects. Near the Beverages section, we see a makeshift fire made out of cardboard, with Craig toasting a strawberry Pop-Tart on a stick, Pip lying down asleep beneath a set of newspapers, he wakes up when he notices Clyde, and Tweek looking for the lasting bottles of Mega Cred]
TWEEK: There's nothing. Just two more broken Cred bottles. And a couple of cans of SpaghettiO's. [Tweek grabs a can opener, and begins to open a can on SpaghettiOs while on a milk crate]
PIP: [he sits up, forlorn] I don't think I can go back.
CRAIG: Go back to what? Spencer Hollis has all the Cred now. Tomorrow, he's gonna rub it in everyone's faces like the wannabe douchebag he is.
CLYDE: [he hesitates for a bit] Don't you guys think this is all fucked up?
CRAIG: Yeah, fucked up 'cause of you.
CLYDE: No, I mean what they're doing to us! Look at this! My influencer told me to come down here. He knew there wasn't gonna be enough Cred for everyone. It's like- It's like they wanted to create this false scarcity. Give all us kids FOMO.
CRAIG: If anyone's a FOMO, Clyde, it's you.
CLYDE: You guys aren't listening. We've been manipulated. If kids are willing to fight and die over this, then what else would they be willing to fight and die over? Nobody in school cared about hydration drinks three weeks ago. My influencer convinced me to come down here. What else is he convincing me to do?
[Craig's scowl begins to fade when he realizes what Clyde was talking about and begins to think about it]
TWEEK: So, maybe if we find your influencer, then he can give us Cred?
CLYDE: NO!
CRAIG: No, no, no. I like your angle, Clyde. Maybe this whole thing is a sham. If we can make the whole thing look stupid, then we make all those fake Cred drinkers look stupid. Then Spencer Hollis will have nothing to keep us out of.
PIP: We just have to know the meaning to all of this, but how?
CLYDE: I just know there's more to all this than we think. I know what town my influencer lives in. I want some goddamn answers.
CRAIG: [he gets off of the case of water he was previously sitting on] Tweek, Pip, gather up all the Pop-Tarts and SpaghettiO's you can. We move out at oh-92,000.
[Influencer Auction reception room. A receptionist is working at a desk on a clipboard. Randy walks into the room]
RECEPTIONIST: Can I help you?
RANDY: Yeah, hi, I'm a big influencer? My agent sent me here to find a sponsor?
RECEPTIONIST: Name?
RANDY: Uh, Randy Marsh? [the woman begins writing down his name] It's with 5 Rs because there was already a Randy Marsh on TikTok.
RECEPTIONIST: [she grabs a sign with the number "427" and gives it to Randy] Put this around your neck. Through that door and wait with the other influencers.
RANDY: Oh, okay, thanks.
[Randy walks onto a stage with several other influencers, each with a sign around their neck]
STAGE MANAGER: Okay, influencers, follow me, stand in a straight line and step forward when your number is called.
[the influencers are brought out to the front of the stage, the lights are activated, and a bidder in a light blue outfit walks towards a podium, there are several tables with a different sponsor at each table]
AUCTION BARKER: Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. We have some incredible influencers available today. They are all complete freelancers and looking for sponsors. First off, we have influencer number 394 This is BlinkyBlankyGirl. [a woman moves to the front of the stage] She has over 10,000 views on Instagram, 6,800 on TikTok and is up-and-coming on Meta and X. Who would like to own this influencer? We'll start the bidding at 20. 20, do I hear 20? There's 20. Do I hear 25, 25? Let's hear 25, 25, 30. [the bidder begins to babble, although it is utterly gibberish] 25 from Mattel Toys. Mattel Toys now the highest bidder at 25. 25, who's gonna go for 30? 30, 30. [gibberish]30! 30 from Lunchables! Let's go 50. 50 now, who wants the influencer? 50, 50. [gibberish]
CHINESE GOVERNMENT: 100!
AUCTION BARKER: 100! 100 from the Chinese government! Can we go 150? 150? [gibberish] 150, 150, yes! Stoli Vodka at 150. 150, the current bid from Stoli Vodka. What about you, Build-A-Bear? Do we hear from Build-A-Bear? [gibberish] 160! 160 from the NRA, outbidding Stoli Vodka. Who wants to influence the youngins more? [gibberish] 170 from Voices for Ukraine. Don't let them outbid you, Russia. No? Chinese government? No? [the bidder hits a gallet against the podium] Sold to Voices for Ukraine. Thank you.
BLINKYBLANKYGIRL: [the woman is then taken off-stage] I don't understand what happened.
STAGE MANAGER: Just keep making your stupid videos, they'll tell you what to say.
AUCTION BARKER: Okay, next up we have influencer number 226. This is Kevinlovesoranges. [a man moves to the front of the stage] Over 6 million views on TikTok, 4,600 on Instagram and a small following on X and Meta. Who wants Kevinlovesoranges to push their agenda? We'll start at 40, 40. China in at 40, China at 40. Who's gonna go 50? Russia with 50. [gibberish] 55, 60, Big Pharma at 60. [gibberish] Kellogg's Cereal. [gibberish] Ravenclaw Casinos. [gibberish] Influence the children. Can I hear 70? Last call for 70. [brief gibberish, the bidder then hits a gallet against the podium] Sold to the Canadian government, congratulations. [the man is then taken off-stage] Our next influencer, number 427. This is Randy Marrrrrsh. [Randy moves to the front of the stage] We'll start the bidding at 50. 50, do I hear 50? 50? [gibberish, progressively slows down] 50? No? Come on, Mattel Toys. Let's hear from you. How about 40? 40? How about 40, let's do 40? [gibberish, progressively slows down]
FBI Agent 1: Freeze! Nobody move!
[Two sets of FBI personnel burst open the exit doors and in their way into the room, the sponsors make their way out, followed by the bidder, as the agents make their way to Randy]
FBI Agent 2: Up here! He's up here!
FBI Agent 3: Are you Randy Marrrrrsh?
RANDY: Yeah?
FBI Agent 4: Alright, we got him. Hands behind your back.
RANDY: Me? I didn't do anything. I'm just trying to beat my wife. [the agent chokes Randy]
FBI AGENT 4: On your knees! Hands behind your back now!
[Motel 2. Clyde knocks on the door of room 202, the other boys are behind him]
CLYDE: Hello? Logan LeDouche? We know you're in here.
[The lock clicks, Logan partially opens the door with the chain lock attached]
LOGAN: Go away. I'm in enough trouble as it is.
CLYDE: Look, dude, we just want to talk to you, okay?
LOGAN: No, not okay. I'm in hiding. How did you guys find me?
CLYDE: [he takes out his phone and shows Logan a selfie of himself outside of the building] Dude, if you're in hiding, you shouldn't probably post videos of yourself at the motel you're hiding in.
LOGAN: [frantic] Shit. Shit, I just can't help myself.
[The door closes, Craig then knocks on the door]
CRAIG: Hey, asshole! We need to know the truth about Cred.
LOGAN: [he pulls the curtains open] I'm sorry, okay? I didn't mean to cause a riot. [the curtains are pulled]
CLYDE: Did Cred want us all to kill each other?
LOGAN: [he briefly pulls the curtains open, before closing them] If you found me, then so can they. Just go.
TWEEK: Okay. Okay, fine, Mr. Influencer. We'll leave.
[Tweek begins to walk away from the door, before charging into it, opening the door in the process, he lets out a brief growl]
LOGAN: [terrified] What the fuck are you doing?!
TWEEK: WHERE'S THE CRED?! YOU GOT SOME CRED?!
CRAIG: [runs over to Tweek] Tweek, Tweek, calm down.
[Logan shuts the curtains fully, preventing any visibility of the inside of the room, he then briefly pulls a curtain back to check outside]
LOGAN: They're gonna take me out, man. I should just turn myself in. I'll be safer in jail!
CLYDE: Listen, dude, I went to Pueblo 'cause of you. Why did you tell us we could get Mega Cred when you knew there wasn't enough?
LOGAN: Brah, I don't even drink that crap. Don't you get it, man? I'm just this tiny little piece of a very big lie. You guys are all being manipulated.
CLYDE: I trusted you. I've watched all your videos, and you told me to be strong and never give up. That's all just Cred messing with me?
LOGAN: Don't you get it? I don't work for Cred. The Cred is just there to get views, man. 'Cause kids love it so much.
PIP: But if Cred isn't your sponsor, then- then who is?
LOGAN: If you knew, it would make you sick.
[The boys all exchange nervous looks at each other before Tweek walks closer towards Logan]
TWEEK: They just use you and Cred to get to us, and those higher-up people, can get us some limited-edition Cred?! WHO HAS THE CRED?!
CRAIG: Tweek, Jesus!
[Federal Bureau of Investigation. Randy is under arrest and is detained when agents are looking over his OnlyFans account. Sharon arrive]
RANDY: Oh, there- there she is. Hey, Sharon. This is my wife, Sharon. She's an OnlyFans model just like me. We are both legally supplementing our income.
FBI INVESTIGATOR: So you work with your husband, ma'am?
SHARON: No, we have very different OnlyFans accounts. I could never do what he does.
RANDY: Thanks, honey, it's nice for you to finally admit it. Now I'd like to know what I'm being detained for.
FBI INVESTIGATOR: Exposing children to pornography, soliciting nude images to a minor, child endangerment...
RANDY: Oh, come on, like it's just me? Everybody's doing it. There's an entire network where everyone just pretends Internet platforms aren't made for children but they all auction our kids to the highest bidder.
FBI INVESTIGATOR: You seem like some kind of influencer expert. Would you say these things on record?
RANDY: No, 'cause I'm a sovereign citizen, and I don't need to tell you anything. [blows raspberry directed towards the investigator]
SHARON: Randy, you need to cooperate.
RANDY: Why?
FBI INVESTIGATOR: [gets out of his chair, and goes over to Randy] I'll tell you why, scumbag. Your posts drew in a lot of children, and they like to copy what they see. So then kids started creating their own erotic content based on yours.
RANDY: What?
FBI INVESTIGATOR: That's right. We've just found sexuality explicit, pornographic images of minors. I warn you, what you are about to see is extremely disturbing and graphic.
[The investigator plays a slideshow of miners partaking in erotic behavior]
RANDY: [disgusted] Oh, god! Urgh!
FBI INVESTIGATOR: Oh, don't close your eyes now. You think these miners deserved to be treated like this? [the slideshow continues]
RANDY: What have I done? I had no idea.
SHARON: [sighs] Randy, you knew kids were watching your content.
RANDY: Yeah, but I never knew it would lead to... pornographic images of miners. God, it's disgusting. Being an influencer is disgusting. Alright, I'm gonna tell you everything I know about how the system works. This has to stop.
[Motel 2. Logan is recording a video vlogging how he is forced to be on the run due to how he will be either arrested or killed]
LOGAN: Hey, what's up, guys? Just wanted to let you all know that I think maybe I'm gonna get killed or arrested, so I'm hiding out in this motel room. Be sure to like and subscribe. It really helps the channel out.
CLYDE: Dude, will you stop making videos?
LOGAN: I don't know what else to do, okay? [Logan closes his laptop, and begins to walk over to the window] All I've ever done is make fucking videos.
CLYDE: But for who? You said it wasn't for Cred, so then who sponsors you?
LOGAN: I just wanted to be a big influencer. [Logan constantly looks outside his curtains, before walking away from the window] So I got put on this stage and I was auctioned off to the highest bidder. People will pay anything to push their agenda on you guys.
CRAIG: What, you mean, like, the Chinese government or something?
LOGAN: I'm sponsored by people worse than the Chinese government. I can't tell you who they are, because then the companies that run the whole system will have me killed.
CLYDE: We deserve to know who's been manipulating us. Tell us the truth and we'll make sure you're safe, okay?
LOGAN: You promise?
TWEEK: Yes. We promise.
LOGAN: Fine. The truth is, I'm being paid by...
[Logan is then shot, the sound of a gunshot can be heard as his body is thrown against the floor, as he lets out a grunt]
TWEEK: Whoops!
[The assassin reloads their gun, before shooting into the room again, the boys instinctively move away from the window and get down on the ground as they scream]
CRAIG: Okay, okay. We don't care who's trying to influence us!
[The assassin continues to fire into the room as the sound of sirens can be surrounding the building the assassin is shooting from]
INVESTIGATOR: The game is up, scumbag. We know about the whole operation. [the investigator pulls out a megaphone] We know everything. The influencers are being paid by organizations to knowingly influence children.
ASSASSIN: [the assassin pulls out a megaphone] The data shows that consumers of social media platforms are predominately adults over 21.
INVESTIGATOR: Oh, come on. Within tech companies, it's an open secret that millions of users are actually under the age of 13.
ASSASSIN: Tech companies are working diligently to find ways to make the Internet safer for children, but these methods are often criticized for violating free speech.
INVESTIGATOR: Okay, and tech companies use those assertions and their endless cash to keep regulations tied up in court so they can continue to profit off of our kids.
ASSASSIN: Okay, well, you'll never take me alive, copper.
[The assassin reaches for his gun, and begins to shoot towards the officers, however the assassin is then shot which results in them falling from the roof of the building for the sidewalk, the officers make their way towards the assassin]
INVESTIGATOR: He's still alive. Let's get City General out here. [the boys make their way over to the assassin]
CLYDE: Who do you work for? Who's trying to influence me?
[The investigator removes the head mask from the assassin, revealing to be the Auction Barker Announcer]
AUCTION BARKER: [gibberish, the announcer presumably succumbs to his injuries]
INVESTIGATOR: He's just the middleman, kids. Whoever was trying to influence you is still a mystery.
[South Park. The boys get off of the South Park City Transit bus while it is stopped outside of a South Park Transit bus stop. They then begin to walk down the sidewalk]
PIP: Listen chaps, I got an idea. How about we just keep our affinity group, but instead of it being about Cred, it's just about how proud we are of who we are.
CRAIG: No, we can't do that, Pip. We're already screwed enough at it is. [he pauses for a brief period of time until he sighs] Let's face it, we just got to accept the fact that we're all gonna go to school tomorrow and get completely fucked.
CLYDE: Yep.
[The boys overhear Randy and Sharon throwing away bags of Cred into a garbage dumpster]
TWEEK: Hey, look, you guys. It's Cred. [the boys begin to approach Randy]
PIP: Mr. Marsh? What are you doing with all that Cred?
RANDY: I'm putting it where it belongs, in the garbage.
CRAIG: But that's, like, Jelly Roll Midnight Waffle House. Do you know what that's worth?
RANDY: Yeah, I know what it's worth. It's worth gold to all the people in the world who want to use social media to influence children. But there's more to life than making money. And there's more to marriage than just beating your wife. The bottom line is that all this social media influencer garbage is not suitable for children. And if you're a kid on social media, you have to know that someone is always trying to get to you. All you have to do is ask yourself, "Who is it that wants to influence me the most?"
[The boys mull over this for a few seconds, until Clyde realizes in shock]
CLYDE: Holy shit.
[Donovan Residence. Clyde has just arrived back home, he opens the front door]
CLYDE: JANICE! [he steps inside, before slamming the front door shut]
ROGER: Oh, Clyde, where have you been? We've been worried sick.
CLYDE: It was you! This whole time, you've been trying to influence me for months!
JANICE: Clyde, you really should have let your father know where you were...
CLYDE: You've been paying an influencer to try and reach me, and you caused this whole fucking mess!
ROGER: What is this about, Janice?
JANICE: I don't think people understand how hard it is to be a stepmom. You want to try and teach your kids, but they don't listen because you're not their "real parent." I just wanted to be a good influence on you, Clyde. But influencing kids these days requires good lighting and a quality microphone.
CLYDE: [hesitates for a bit] But, why Cred? If you're so against it, then why have it in all those videos?
JANICE: That was just to get your views, Clyde. Your views are so important to me, because we never talk. Maybe what I did was all a bit much, but look at us. Here we are, talking.
CLYDE: [after a brief pause and realizing his behavior towards her since first meeting her] Janice, can I call you mom?
JANICE: Yes, of course!
CLYDE: [He takes a short breathe to say something nice to her, but instead he flips her off] Fuck you, mom!
[Janice gasps, Clyde then makes his way up the stairs, Roger then goes over to Janice and the two wrap their arms around each other]
JANICE: Aww…
[South Park Elementary. Children are scattered around with their own bottles of Cred. The school bell then rings as Spencer walks past the main boys with several bottles of Mega Cred]
STAN: Woah, Spencer! Is that Mega Cred?
SPENCER: Yeah, pretty cool, right?
KYLE: Pretty cool? How'd you get that?
SPENCER: Oh, I just went to this thing in Pueblo. No big deal.
[Just then, Craig walks down the hallway, Tweek and Pip following behind him]
CRAIG: Everyone! Everyone, can I have your attention please? [children begin to surround the boys] We have something really important to tell you guys. Tweek, Pip and I have learned a lot of things recently. We have news that you will all find shocking.
CARTMAN: Oh boy, here we go.
CRAIG: You see, we talked with Mr. Marsh, and… we all realized what Cred has been doing to you guys.
[Everyone looks at the three boys in surprise]
CRAIG: Like, don't you see what's been happening with these drinks? All those online influencers are trying to make you get Cred because they just want your views, never mind drinking the crap themselves. Look, having hydrating sports drinks is fine every once in a while, but why would you suddenly feel the need to start bringing in a ton of these hydration drinks just so people would think you're cool?
[Everyone begins to glare at Spencer, as they now realize his true colors]
CRAIG: Don't do this shit, you guys. It's just not worth it. And believe me, I know what kind of things our parents would do to influence us.
STAN: [he suddenly realizes his parents had been making videos on OnlyFans and Randy used Cred in one of his] W-Wait a minute, what?!
CRAIG: So here's this; how about instead of just drinking Cred for the sake of your popularity, be proud of who you are for what you are. It's not all that hard to do.
BUTTERS: Yeah, you're right, Craig.
[Everyone begins to agree with Butters as they all leave the hallway, including Spencer who walks away in shame]
CARTMAN: Oh, dude! Your dad's been making videos on OnlyFans? Haha, you're such a gaywad, Stan!
STAN: Shut up, Cartman!
KENNY: (What? It's not all that serious.)
TWEEK: So, what should we do with our affinity group now with all that out of the way?
CRAIG: Who cares about it? I don't see any point in continuing a Cred affinity group since no one really cares about Cred anymore. It feels like a waste of time right now.
PIP: I quite agree. You know, I never really saw the appeal of Cred, I just wanted to try one out for myself. Well, we'll see you after class, Craig.
TWEEK: Yeah, see you later!
CRAIG: Yeah, later guys. [he then hesitates for a bit before walking up to Clyde at his locker] Hey, Clyde. So, have you found out who your influencer was?
CLYDE: Huh? Oh, uh, yeah, but… I don't really feel like talking about it right now.
CRAIG: Well, that's understandable. Oh yeah, Clyde, I just forgot. I wanted to give you something. [he takes off his backpack and pulls out a bottle of a limited edition Cred drink]
CLYDE: [stunned] Jelly Roll Midnight Waffle House? But… I thought we were over this.
CRAIG: Yeah, well you've always wanted to try out Cred for yourself and so Mr. Marsh suggested that you should have this for yourself when he was driving me home. So, here you go. [he gives the bottle to Clyde]
CLYDE: [unsure] Uhh, thanks.
CRAIG: It's cool, dude. Just don't let it get to you like that, it's only a sports drink after all. Well, I'd better get going. See you in class, dude.
[As Craig walks away, Clyde looks at the drink for a bit until forming a smug smile]
CLYDE: Heh! Who cares what they say? I finally got my Cred.
[Clyde pauses for a moment, he takes off the cap from the bottle, and drinks the bottle of Cred]
CLYDE: Hey! This actually tastes really good!
CRAIG: [from a distance] Hey, Clyde! Are you coming to class with us or not?
CLYDE: Huh? Oh yeah, coming!
[He puts his Cred bottle inside his backpack, puts it on, closes his locker door and walks off]
[end of story]