Jackson talks about Harper's death with April.
If someone had told Jackson Avery a few years ago that he'd be happy that his grandfather was dead, he would probably be offended, because sure, whilst his relationship with his grandfather had always been rather rocky, he'd at least actually been there. (The same couldn't be said for his father, Robert)
He couldn't deny that it had been difficult trying to live up to Harper's expectations over the years. Ever since he was little - it had always felt like he had to do more or be more in order to please his grandfather, and like nothing he ever did was good enough. He'd judged him for his choice to do his internship and residency at Mercy West, his surgical speciality, the fact that he was divorced 'just like his father', and the fact that he had yet to return to Boston and get more involved in the foundation. Despite all of that, there were times when it felt as though Harper had genuinely loved and cared for him, and like that almost made up for Robert not being a present force in his life after leaving. At the end of the day, Harper and his mother had been the only two present people in his life until he'd moved to Seattle and had a family of his own, which was why it was so hard to deal with the mixed emotions that he was feeling now.
Its his ex-wife who notices that he doesn't quite seem himself, because despite everything, April is still one of the few people who knows him the most. She offers him some words of wisdom on his decision to use his own money to pay Harper's victims - something from the bible, of course, but she also offers to sit with him for a while and just listens, which means more than he can put into words.
"He spent so much of my life judging me...picking apart every decision I made...and the entire time, he wasn't even trying to be a good person himself. It makes me so angry. How could he judge my life choices when he was ruining women's lives and careers? It almost makes me get why Robert left - and I hate that. He could've still chosen to be involved in my life without dealing with Harper, but he just...didn't."
She looks at him sympathetically, wishing she could do more for him. She may not be able to relate to his familial situation all that much (she imagines that Harper makes dealing with her sister's teasing feel like a walk in the park), but she knows that Jackson is a great person - even with everything he's been through. She can at least assure him of that. "It's okay to experience mixed emotions. There's no right or wrong way for you to feel here, or to grieve. It doesn't make you a bad person to feel...relieved, or happy, or mad about what he did. No one's going to judge you for that, Jackson."
"What, not even God?" He quips, attempting to lighten the mood. He may not believe in God or see the point in religion in the way that she does, but he knows that it's something that she finds comfort in - despite her recent crisis of faith. Sometimes, he almost wishes he had something like that. Not the religion itself, per say, but something to guide him and give him a sense of hope and community during the dark times, instead of trying to deal with his burdens by himself.
April smiles softly, assuring him, "I think He understands." One of the things she'd had to come to terms with over the past few years was that life wasn't always so black and white, and that following a rulebook to a tee didn't guarantee you a perfect life. It was okay to live within the grey - to make mistakes and to stumble, without beating yourself up and feeling like you're a bad person for it, or that He is going to punish you somehow. There were times when she hadn't understood the way in which her life had turned out, but now she knew that life wasn't always so tidy, and was learning to trust in His timing and plan for her.
There's a long moment of silence, but it doesn't feel awkward or uncomfortable. If anything, they both can't help but think about how nice it is to just spend a short period of time together talking and listening - something that they haven't done since she'd moved out. It reminds them both of old, simpler times, when they could both be one another's person easily, without any obstacles or fear of judgement. He lets out a sigh, his eyes glancing towards the clock hanging on the wall, as he realises that he still has a lot to do. His grandfather being the head of a multi-million dollar foundation can still feel like a pain in the ass sometimes, even in death, "I should probably get back to work."
"Okay. You sure you're going to be okay?" April questions, clasping one of her hands around his for a short moment, "Remember what I said about Job. You're on the right path."
Jackson nods, standing up straighter and appreciating the small gesture before she returns to her job, "Yeah, I will be, and thanks. It means a lot."