Prologue
The Raft
Frank Castle was just about ready to rip his ears off, the sound of his cellmate drawing some science shit on the walls was becoming infuriating. "Will you for christ's sake CALL IT A DAY" he shouted at his cell mate Miles Warren.
"The more I do today, the less I have to do tomorrow" Warren spoke in a calm yet arrogant fashion
Castle grabbed him by the throat "You put that chalk away or I'm gonna…"
Their cell door suddenly opened and an old man in a suit appeared "you ready"
"Anything to get behind that border Hayward" Frank said as he tossed Warren away like a piece of paper
Frank Castle now had his padded skull shirt on and was finally ready to get behind Latveria's borderline. Hayward approached him "you know how this works; complete the mission the way we want it, you get a full pardon. You betray us then we blow your head clean off" he said holding up an android phone with a picture of him over a red button, all just to make him look even somewhat powerful. They exited the building to the launchsite "Your commander will be-"
"AHHHHHH" a earsplitting high pitched scream came from down the hall "Franky are you coming too"
"Doreen?" Doreen of all people was his commander, it was bad enough he didn't have the title himself but they gave it to the least qualified hero they could find
"Along with the rest of your team" Hayward said butting in
"So these are the infamous Thunderbolts" Punisher said with a growl
"If all goes well this will be their last mission" Hayward said as eighties rock music started to blast across the field
Several people started marching toward them away from a smoke machine blasting bright red and black smoke. "From Left to right" Hayward started to do a roll call as they all got onto a jet. "Screwball" a woman in a white tracksuit recording everything around her. "Menace" a man in a silver ninja costume carrying several guns. "Lady Stilt Man" a woman in silver metal armor with extendable pant legs. "3D Man" a man in a brightly colored green and red costume with goggles. "Mammomax" a giant mammoth-humanoid being. "Black Womb" a man with a black costume and a mullet. "TigerShark" a guy with a shark fin helmet and an orange and black costume. "The Shiver man" an old shivering man with a terrifying smile. "And of course-"
"Surprise" A guy with two swords, several guns, and a red and black spandex suit came out "just a heads up we're out of toilet paper"
"Wilson" Punisher said in shock, recognizing him in his gear as the antihero Deadpool
"Oh good you guys know each other, that'll make things easier" Squirrel girl said, smiling like a ninny. "Oh I'm sorry I didn't finish" she apologized before looking around the room "you've already met Freak right next to you" she introduced the horrifying demon-like creature, who looked like he was suffering through anorexia, known as Freak, he waved his fiery hand "you guys will get along so well" she said genuinely
"Dor.." The Punisher said growing impatient
"I'm sorry how are we out of toilet paper, we haven't even taken off" Black Womb questioned
"Oh I kinda dropped the whole roll in the toilet" Deadpool confessed
"Wha.. how did you drop… why was it off the rack" Screwball shouted confused by that statement
"I always…." Deadpool started
"Hold on" Screwball said before taking her phone out "ok now tell us" she said starting a livestream
"I always take the whole thing off the rack, I like to make little origami unicorns while I scrub my asscrack clean" Deadpool explained
The whole squad looked at him with dumbfounded expressions "Wow, there is just no way to justify something that stupid" Lady stilt man said
Punisher didn't respond to this, he only glared at them with a hateful look. He needed to put these criminals in their place and let them know who is really in charge. But what was he worried about, none of them were going to last five minutes in Latveria.
"So you're the legendary Punisher aren't you" Menace interrupted, putting his book down "you killed my father you know"
"I suppose you got some kind of vendetta" Castle snarled expecting a fight
"Not really" Menace said getting back his book
"Yeah not gonna lie Castle your kind of underwhelming" 3D man confessed
"Oh 3D man I presume, I also possess the power of being three dimensional" Deadpool insulted causing Black Womb and Lady bullseye to laugh
"Huh so do I, we all have so much in common" Squirrel girl said hugging 3D Man
"(Elephant noises)" Mamonax Screeched as his giant mammoth head hit the ceiling
"HAHAHA" Squirrel girl laughed "that was a joke right? I'm not fluent but I am taking classes" Squirrel girl explained
There was a moment of silence, which Punisher was perfectly fine with. He was finally getting into Latveria and could finally complete the mission he's been dreaming of.
"So can you believe they're actually doing this" 3D man said ruining Punishers allotted time of peace
"Yes, a hundred percent" Black Womb said "they'll never show their true colors, they've done way worse things in the past and will do far worse things in the future" he said with extreme pessimism, warranted or not.
A voice suddenly came from the overhead speakers "attention we will be dropping out in three seconds" the entire floor suddenly let out, drooping everyone out in midair. Punisher positioned himself into the bullet shape to gain momentum. He crashed directly through a layer of ice and into freezing water, he pushed through the cold and kept his cool intact. He swam back to the surface gasping for air, and pulled himself onto the ice.
"AAAHHHHHH" someone screamed right next to him. He turned to see Freak splashing around, steam rising rapidly from the water.
"Stop struggling, stop struggling you demonic freak you're melting the ice" Screwball said through her communicator desperately running toward the shore (as fast as she could without falling through the ice)
Punisher started crawling toward the lakeshore, Freak's screaming stopped and he started to go under. Doreen desperately tried to dive down and pull Freak to shore. "Doreen, give it up it's a monster" he said crawling to shore without bearing a glance
He got to shore and Doreen made it behind him carrying an unconscious Freak "Franky do you know CPR"
"Yeah" he said walking away from them
Spotlights were blasted in the team's direction. Punisher and Squirrel girl dropped to the ground. He didn't have a good view on everyone but he could see Lady stilt man and Menace hiding behind Mamonax condensing his body into a safer position.
Doreen pulled a communicator "Ugh Moni we're in a bit of a conundrum"
"What is it" a feminine voice sounded from the communicator
"Is that Rambeau" Lady Stilt man asked crawling over "put them on speaker"
"EVERYONE CIRCLE AROUND THEM" someone ordered as what looked like hundreds of foot soldiers circled their position. Punisher could get out of this pretty easily, he'd fought off bigger units before.
"What's going on"
Once the soldiers completely concealed them to the lake shore and they… kept their distance, they weren't even pointing their guns at them they were just standing by idly.
"AHHHHHHH" the Shiver man screamed as he charged at the enemy but was gunned down as a barrage of bullets stormed on him from the sky.
"Wha…what's happening" Rambeau asked
Punisher pondered this until he came to a disgusting revelation "Someone sold us out" he said furious that he didn't see it before
"What…. What do you mean someone ... .Oh god, You Gotta get out of there" Rambeau said with pure fear, but why?
Punisher looked up to see a twenty foot metal abomination armed at every square inch, a Doombot. Several more flew down and gracefully landed in front of the soldiers and ….. Retracted their weapons…. And stood there idly….What were they doing? Doom would never just peacefully force someone out, what was going on?
"What's going on, this isn't funny writer" Deadpool said
"GET OUT OF THERE NOW" Rambeau exploded
"HUH" Menace said as he rapidly rushed towards Deadpool
"What?" Deadpool almost drew his sword at him before Menace pushed him down, and a blinding yellow light soared right past where his head was.
The light crashed into the ground sending dirt flying across the lakeshore. The entire squad stared as the light dimmed and a figure rose from the dust, her blonde hair flowing and her red and blue costume striking terror into them.
"Wha?" was all Squirrel girl could get out
"Captain Marvel?" Punisher said in confusion
Lady Bullseye came out of shock first and threw three knives at her, only for Marvel to dodge at a bullet's speed out of the way. "You-" Lady Bullseye said before getting brutally crushed under another flying figure. A massive figure defended by 1.5 tons of black, white, and gray alloy armor
"War Machine too" Screwball said fear
Captain Marvel blasted a beam at Lady Stilt man but Deadpool pushed her out of the way. Warmachine fired a missile towards Screwball but Deadpool leaped over just in time to get her out of the way. Captain Marvel flew over and grabbed Deadpool's head, so fast Punisher swore she teleported. She held Deadpool's head in her hands and began crushing her hands together. Deadpool swung at her with his sword and shot at her all to no avail, not even scratching her costume. He could feel his skull wearing out and did everything, anything to save himself. His efforts were finally cut short when Captain Marvel smashed his head.
The rest of the team watched in terror as Deadpool's headless body fell to the ground. Punisher felt cold all over, what was going on? He ran his hand down his arm to find every strand of hair was standing on its end, he backed off as his heartbeat cut off all other sound. "Eat this" 3D man said as he made ten copies of himself and swarmed War Machine.
Mammomax charged Captain Marvel, without breaking a sweat she repeatedly smashed Mammomax against the ground until he stopped breathing. She took his body and launched it right at Menace.
War Machine finally killed the last of 3D man's copies and with a barrage of bullets killed the original. This entire time the Doombots and soldiers just stood on the sidelines and kept everyone inside. Punisher finally snapped out of it and attacked War Machine, one of the worlds greatest killers threw everything he had and none of it even left a dent in his armor, War Machine shook his head and smashed his armors hand into Punisher's face making his world go blurry, but he kept pushing. He wasn't gonna let himself die here, he couldn't.
Squirrel Girl ordered a thousand European squirrels out of the forest to assist them but the soldiers and Doombots easily wiped them out. Captain Marvel found Black Womb and Screwball cowardly hiding behind a rock and smashed them both individually under her boot.
Squirrel Girl finally gave up on using squirrels and helped Punisher deal with War Machine. Together they were able to hold him down but they were completely unable to do anything else as he did everything in his power to escape. He was stronger and more skilled than both of them combined, all they could do against him was keep him contained for a limited time, limited meaning only like seven seconds.
"NOOOOOOO, AH NOOOOOOO" Lady Stilt Man screamed in agony as Captain Marvel ruthlessly ripped her torso in half
Punisher ripped his knife out in a last ditch effort to get away from this. He charged at Captain Marvel and smashed his knife right in her face, to no avail; the knife broke without making so much as a scratch. Captain Marvel grabbed his face and swung him right in War Machine's torso. Punisher was dropped on the ground dazed from that hit, he couldn't move his eyes much less get up.
Punisher could only watch through his shaking vision as Squirrel Girl leaped at Captain Marvel but she grabbed her in midair and split her tibia clean in half. Squirrel Girl fell to the ground in pain and tears "why? …. WHY?" she cried
She got no response as her final sight in life was one of her idols decapitating her.
Both 'heroes' stood somewhat not proud with their orders fulfilled. Captain Marvel picked up the Punisher's body, and ignited her glowing fist to finish him off. She was stopped by War Machine
"Finish him now" a metallic and cold voice said as he flipped his dark green cape back
"Not him, he's done a lot good" War Machine argued
"A lot is being kinda generous isn't it" Captain Marvel said before knocking him out cold
Meanwhile….
Back in Washington the Thunderbolts handlers had just witnessed the atrocity through an infrared satellite image. "Umm…. most of squad 1… may have been wiped out" Darcy Lewis reluctantly informed her superior "someone sold us out"
Monica Rambeau paced the floor after this setback "I can't believe this" Monica said while cutting off a stress balls oxygen
"Did team 2 make it ashore?" Director Tyler Hayward asked
"Yes, they… they made it" Darcy answered in a terrified voice
"Good" Rambeau said finally calming down "Taskmaster do you copy"
"Repeat Taskmaster do you copy" Rambeau asked through the communicator
"Relax Rambeau we're here and we made it to the ground" Taskmaster said through his mask. He looked around and everything seemed relatively safe. He did a quick mental headcount; U.S. Agent, Killmonger, Moonstone, Sabretooth, Red Guardian, Bullseye, Mystique, Black Cat, and himself.