So raise your glass if you are wrong. In all the right ways, all my underdogs, we will never be, never be anything but loud. And nitty, gritty, dirty, little freaks; won't you come on and come on and Raise your glass! Just come on and come on and Raise your glass!
~ Pink (Raise Your Glass)
The combination of White Snake and Sex Pistols blasted throughout the plush mansion. Accompanied by the shouts and hollering of people doing gods-know-what, and the distinct sound of expensive China and other miscellaneous priceless items that scattered about the whole house falling victim to the chaotic atmosphere.
However, the noise was muted to him, after all having several house parties over the span of his high school life, Steff were immune to the nose.
His posture was upright on his bed, his arms crossed over the other along with his ankles. His expression was completely bare to any emotions or thoughts.
But the internal facade that made his world seem so assured and right was now baring a crake of the most profound nature.
His thoughts were chaotic as the party outside of his door and more disturbing then any feeling he had ever had before.
"I never expect the worst from you…but sometimes I do wonder what you expect from yourself than anything."
Just one simply statement had him in a state of perpetual state of confinement within himself. Repeating the statement over and over again as if forcing himself to believe that she had truly said that or that he had wished her to say such about him.
And the outcome was always the same-she had said the comment; that he didn't have her to coax a statement out of her nor give her clues that he wanted her to say such to him.
He had always wanted that one person to truly see him and not what they saw of him.
His fears and insecurities were tied in a tight package that was kept away from everyone even himself. He wasn't big into the teen angst that his generation seemed to defined their-selves. That everyday life was some epic drama with merciless conclusions to every single one. That was a hoax of shit.
His problems were his own, and not anyone else's, not even Blane (whom he considers one of his best friend) knew the inner demons that he went through on a daily bases. That it was easier to fall into the role of the insensitive rich bastard than falling into the sensitive rich bastard that had no fucking clue of where he was going.
He wouldn't set himself up for failure, to think that anyone could relate with him or have the similar problems like his.
So he came to the belief that no one understood him and for that matter never will, and so left it alone…until today.
Today, his beliefs and masked had suffered a major blow by a girl who didn't even know the power of her words. Kaia, had always proven to him that there was more to her each passed year they known each other. But today she had done something that he thought was the impossible.
She had truly seen him.
"I never expect the worst from you…but sometimes I do wonder what you expect from yourself than anything."
What did he expect from himself? It was a question that he had thought over, but never truly had an answer too.
And even now as he seat here in his room pondering on the question she lay before him. The answer was still unclear to him.
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The RITZ was not a place that a New Waver would even consider stepping inside. The RITZ was like Paris in the twenties and those who were regulars were the next Lost Generation with their share of artistic aspirations expressed their selves openly and freely. This was a place that Kaia spent most of her weekends and some weekdays at.
Each note that Movable Feast played was lost to her. Her mind was lost somewhere else enabling her to comprehend anything surrounding her.
Her mind was still stuck at the record store, were she had so foolishly spoke out her thoughts about him to his face! The sheer embarrassment caused her to dessert the albums she wanted to buy, to swiftly jump in her car and speed off from the pure mortification of the situation she just made.
Kaia wished she could blame Steff, for causing her such embarrassment, or even being in the damn record store in the first place. Never once did she run into him out of school. Yes, they lived in a small city, but they never once bumped into each other on the street or the mall.
Blaming him could be so easy, but the truth she couldn't. He had more right to be in the record store just like her. She had set her own-self up in that embarrassing situation, after all Steff was being typical Steff.
Sarcastic, openly bantering with her in the open, as if they were in school, simply being himself, while she had turned one little comment into something more than it should have been.
And here was her problem, what caused her to even say such to him in the first place.
She had always pondered on what Steff expected of himself.
Did he expect the worst of himself? Wanting everyone to know that he was as snobby and arrogant bastard that he let off.
Did he expect people to believe he was simply lazy with his schoolwork, skipping classes so confidently, knowing with his parent's money was the factor of him graduating high school to go to a prestigious college without working for it?
Did he expect his life to be always just like high school; were everyone followed his lead, so clear without any questions.
What did he expected his-self to be as a whole? Was he so self-assured about himself and his expectations like he played off.
Or was he just like everyone else confused and scared at the expectations set by other that was heavily placed upon them.
"What have you in a state of perpetually confusion," came the suave accent voice that cut her thoughts to pieces.
Looking up, there in front of her was the most interesting sight she saw all night.
"Charles don't you have a orgy to go too?" Kaia smiled at her friend.
Charles Morris was tall and petite, his pale complexion was that to envy, accompany with devil looks, and with his suave accent that made him incredibly handsome and the second most desire creature at Cassidy High next to… of course Steff.
Charles had known Kaia since he was that awkward new rich kid coming into a town that were everyone knew each other since they were in the womb.
Kaia and Lisa, were the only friends he had/could relate too... despite Lisa annoying him in more ways than one.
"Just because I live in Rich Haven doesn't mean I partake in the… primal antics of our generation of the 1%."
She laughed as he took a seat in front of her.
"Now you didn't answer my question, what have you in a state of perpetually confusion?"
"Nothing have me in a state of perpetually confusion Charles," she mimicked him.
"Changing the subject doesn't get anywhere with me," he smirked.
"I find it funny how much you and Lisa can annoy me to the bone," she took a sip of her drink.
"Must you mention her," Kaia laughed knowing how much Charles and Lisa had a strong dislike for each other.
"I swear 27 years from now, when we come back to our class reunion you and Lisa are going to be married with five utter annoying kids," Charles threw an ugly mug at her as he snatch one of her fries from her plate.
"Will I foresee in the near future you and Steff married with four snobby arrogant brats," he smiled.
"Hey!"
"Will that's what you get for matching me with Lisa," he said triumphantly as if matching her with Steff was so appalling to him and Lisa.
"No, stop stealing my fries and buy your own,"
"Yet, you're not objecting to the fact of being marry to Steff?" he smiled.
She rolled her eyes at him as he stole another fry from her plate.
"So are you going to tell me or must I have to find devious ways to get the answer out of you."
She knew he wouldn't let up until she told him, in addition to that he already knew about the whole Steff situation. So it wouldn't be anything new under the sun with him in the first place.
"I kind of…" her bottom lip was placed between her teeth her eyes was downcast at the plate that she didn't even attempt to eat.
"I kind of…bump into Steff today," she looked up to an amused Charles.
"And please tell me how you simply bump into Steff?"
"At the record store…all I know I was reading the cover note on a record than there was Steff."
"So…you bump into Steff at the record store…please tell me there was more than that Kai."
"We got into another banter but…"
"But?"
"I think I said something that was very out of context than usually."
"So…this wasn't the normal banter that both of you partake in this was something else?" he asked as if needing some clarification.
She nodded her head.
"And your worry that he might fire at you at school by what you said?"
"No…I don't think so…it would be better if I tell you everything," she let out a sigh as she begun to an eagerly interest of Charles.
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Steff still in the comfort of his room and in the state of deep thought continue to go over his plan for next Monday. Everything had to go accordingly, he had only one shot and he wasn't going to let anything mess it up for him.
His concentration was stuck on the coming week that he paid little to no attention of his surroundings.
The sound of his bedroom door being open didn't faze him or the noise of the uncontrolled party that was rapidly running throughout the mansion couldn't stir him back to reality.
Nor did the soft clicking of the door being close shutting away the noise being replaced by shuffling feet walking swiftly to the other side of the room. The sound of bags being set down on a table or whispered profanity didn't even make him move and inch.
Hearing the all-familiar sound of beer fuzzing after being open had awaken him from the depth of his thoughts back to the present.
The far left hand sides of the room were he considers a living room was Blane. His jacket was thrown over the loveseat, his shirtsleeves was rolled up to his elbow. His features were unreadable as he went about pulling out aluminum containers from a large brown paper bag onto the coffee table.
Steff seat there unmoving as he watched his friend in complete silence.
"You look like shit," he said.
Blane looked up at Steff then continue to make their plates, "and your full of shit."
Steff raised his eyebrows at his friend something must have gone down between him and his parents. And he could guess the hot topic of discussion that caused his friend to be in this certain foul mood.
It was common for Blane to come over his house to crash after he and his parent's got into an argument. His friend was never the type for confrontation if anything Blane would try to weasel himself out of such situations.
He moved from his spot from the bed towards his friend. He looked down at the food on the table it was Italian.
"I bought your favorite," Blane whispered out as he prepared his food.
"Touching," he said causally as grabbed the Giovanni's special and the can of beer that Blane had open for him and took a seat in one of the chairs.
They seat there eating their food the noise that ran through the house not affecting the silence they shared. Until Blane had placed his food dejectedly back on the table. Elbows resting on his thighs as his hands ran through his hair.
Steff watched Blane as he ate his food.
"Do you think we'll be like our fathers?" asked Blane as he looked at Steff.
Tight-lipped and off guard by the question Steff placed his food on the table wrapping his hand on a napkin he threw down beside his plate as he pushed himself back in his seat.
"Yes," he never known to sugarcoat the truth and he weren't going to do so now.
Blane let out a sigh, "You sound so sure."
Steff didn't answer him, because Blane knew the truth. The more you try not to be like someone you end being that person.
"It's simply the truth," he stood up rumbling in his pockets for his pack of cigarettes.
"Steff do you have to always be cynical about everything?"
Placing a cigarette between his lips and lightening it he than looked back at Blane as he blew smoke.
"Yes, anything else would be pure bullshit I'll be telling you. And if you want to hear bullshit my friend, by all means knock yourself out, but if your looking for me to be that guy than you have the wrong person my friend."
Blane looked at him and then turned in the common manner that was in his friend nature when Steff told him what he didn't want to hear.
Blane had a bad thing into making him feel like the bad guy when he spoke the truth, but he couldn't lie to his friend because that what he wanted him to do.
"I'm going to get something strong from Sean's liquor cabinet, I'll be back," he said walking out of his room and friend.
Failing to hear his friend.
"Yeah…" Blane said dejectedly as he lain himself across the loveseat as the door shut on him.
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"Do you want my honest opinion?" he said in a critical tone, as he looked her over.
Kaia let out a sigh, while moving the fry in her hand back and forth on her plate. She nodded her head dejectedly.
She had told him everything that happen in the record story, and seeing that Charles was the sensible one out of her intimate group of friends. He was going to keep everything as upfront and truthful with her.
"You're over thinking this whole situation Kaia," she looked at him questioningly, "From what you've told me that is not the worse thing you've said about him in front of his face. I mean this is Steff McKee, the empire of insults and sarcasm. I don't think anyone could say anything to get under his skin."
She didn't know about that…there were things that got under his skin. Steff just had a perfect ability to hide it well.
"After all knowing him he might totally forget about it. Disregard as a part of that stupid flirtation that you two enact on a daily bases."
"It's not flirtation, its simply us bantering with each other trying to one up the other," she smiled as she took a bite of her untouched fires.
"Whatever that suits that pretty head of yours, my dear," the strong sound of doubt in his tone as he took another fry from her plate.
"If anything you made a fool of yourself," he said popping another fry in his mouth.
"Excuse me?" she glared at him
"You heard me, you're the one who made a complete fool of yourself by leaving out so suddenly."
"I left because I didn't…"
"You left, because you were embarrassed and you didn't want him to laugh in your face."
She lean back in her chair letting out the pint up frustration she been feeling all night.
"Do you always have to be right?"
"Yes."
He had seen the whole evolution of Kaia-Steff relationship; seeing it evolved from pure hatred for the other, to tolerating each other for the sack of it, and into a playful banter between the once enemies. Finally coming to the conclusion that Kaia and Steff had a crush on each other that they stubbornly didn't acknowledge.
It was the only logical conclusion about two people who went out of their way to enact in such juvenile behavior.
It would take a prayer and miracle for these two to realize that they like each other.
"I did kinda make a fool of myself," she said
"Yes you did," he said popping another fry in his mouth.
"How am I going to face him next week," she slumped in her chair.
"Like you've always done these past three years…strong," he smiled at her.
"You're the best," she smiled at her friend.
This was why Charles was her go too when she needed that extra push of belief in herself.
"I know, now eat I hate seeing perfectly good fries wasted," he took another one of her fries as she took to eating them.
Charles called a waiter and orders another round of fries and two Cokes for the both of them.
They seat their listening to the music of Cries of the People talking here and there until the waiter came back with their order.
"Lets raise our glass for Kaia making a fool of herself in front of Steff McKee," he laughed as she joined in.
"Here here," they toast taking a sip of their pop and went right back to the steady ease of talking and listening to the music till their departure.