Things I never told her that just make me sad.

Me and Becky did what we could to clean up the house while Gigi had her appointment.

When the nurse walked in, she seemed completely unfazed by what she saw.

Like she has seen this house in even worse shape before.

Meanwhile, I did the heavy lifting and shifted around the furniture while Becky tidied up and swept up the small bits of trash.

By the time the nurse came back down, it at least seemed just a little cluttered compared to a grenade went off.

"How's Gigi Jennie?"

"She's doing alright Rebecca. Her numbers haven't gone up in two weeks."

"Oh thank God."

"But they aren't going down either."

"God dammit, yeah, I figured."

The nurse sat down on the couch.

"Alright little lady. Gigi told me about your little tumble, let's look at that leg of yours."

She started rummaging through her bag while Becky shuffled her way over.

"I'm sorry sir, would you mind giving us some privacy?"

"Oh yeah of course, my bad. I'll take some of this garbage out."

I grabbed a handful of garbage bags and headed out the front door.

As soon as I can see their small garbage bin was full, I took the bags straight to the end of the driveway.

"It's gotta be garbage day someday."

On my way back up the driveway, I took out my phone to the utter shock of it being almost dinner time.

"Fucking hell, have I seriously been here that long?"

I texted Nikki, asking how her day has been.

She responded immediately, saying it was good and she had a good stream.

I hung out outside, waiting for someone to tell me I could come back in.

Nikki texted me again before I could respond, asking how my day has been.

I quickly looked up into the canopy of the trees, then looked back down and stared directly into the forest.

I took a big breath in, before texting back

'Sorry if this seems redundant, but it's been one hell of a day.'

After a handful of minutes of texting with Nikki, the nurse came outside.

"Oh, there you are sir."

"Yup, sorry. Didn't mean to scare you."

"No worries. Oh, and she's all good to go now."

"Awesome, thank you so much for taking care of her."

"Of course, I'm happy to. Well, your little makeshift field dressing there actually wasn't too shabby. Made it a lot easier for me. I just put some disinfectant on it and some better, tighter bandages."

"Cool, cool. It's okay for her to walk on it?"

"As long as she doesn't open that wound up again. No marathon's or anything like that of course, but moving around like she has been is fine."

"Got'cha. Thank you very much ma'am."

"Alright, have a goodnight sir."

"You too."

She got into her car, and left.

I walked back inside, to see Becky still sitting on the couch.

"Hey, how you doing Beck?"

"Better, much better. I almost punched her for spraying me with that disinfectant shit, but other than that my leg feels great."

"Why would you punch her?"

"It stung."

"Oh. Yeah."

"Anyway, what are you up to?"

"Oh…uh…good question."

"Well I'd hate to hold you any longer. Thank you for all the help, I know I didn't make this an easy day for you."

"Hey hey, it's all good Beck. I'm happy to help, I'm happy I'm here."

"Yeah, me too. Umm….well- oh, hold on."

She took the ringing phone out of her pocket.

She put it to her ear and answered it.

"Hey Gigi. Yeah. Yeah. Yup, he's still here. He…yeah…dinner? Uh….hold on."

She lowered the phone.

"Um…Dean?"

"What's up?"

"Any chance you uh….wanna stay for dinner?"

"Dinner?"

"Yeah…you don't have to if-"

"I'd love to."

"Oh…haha…cool…um…"

She put the phone back to her ear.

"Yeah Gigi, he'll have some dinner. What do you want?…Uh-huh….uh-huh….okay, yeah. I'll order it in. Okay, cool, love you. Bye."

"So what's on the menu?"

"You okay with pizza?"

"Hell yeah."

"Gigi is all set, she got her pizza and soda."

"Cool."

"She said thank you Dean, but also fuck you Dean."

"Come on."

"That shit was sneaky Dean. I didn't put the phone down so you can pay for it, I put it down so I could get the right card."

"Sneaky or not, I'd do it again."

"I invited you over, we asked you to dinner, we are supposed to pay for it. You are violating a million rules right now."

"Ah well."

"You gerbil. Thanks. Really."

"My pleasure. It's the least I could do for you guys. No offense, but I'm actually surprised Gigi can even eat pizza right now."

"Well of course she's not supposed to, but 'it's not the calories fucking killing me' is what she says."

"She's badass man. I mean it."

"Preaching to the choir. I don't know what I'd do or where'd I be without her."

"Well hey, here's to Gigi."

"To Gigi. Cheers."

We raised our plastic cups, and clinked them together.

We ate our dinner together on the couch, with whatever was on the TV as background noise.

A slice or two in, it really felt like we were two kids hanging out in middle school on a Friday night.

No homework to worry about or tests to study for.

No horrific fathers or overwhelming bills to loom over us.

It was another rare moment that seemed to erase the rest of the world.

Nothing existed outside of this living room, and no one else was here.

No worries. No threats. No tomorrow. No past.

It's amazing how seemingly more and more I tried fighting for and finding these moments, they never came.

But in the solemn few seconds after a whirlwind, right after everything hits you at once, there they are.

Only to pop up when you aren't looking for them and aren't expecting them either.

When our dinner was done, I brought out the trash to the ever growing pile out in the driveway.

When I got back inside, Becky was skimming through the script.

"This is it here Dean?"

"Yup. Should be all you need. I didn't finish it a hundred percent but it should be enough."

"Got'cha. Man, I really should get going on this."

"My bad for holding you up on it."

"Nah nah, it's good. What's tomorrow?"

"Sat-ur….day? Yeah, Saturday."

"Alright, I got two days. Good enough for me."

"So what happened to your wifi?"

"Eh, the box shit the bed again."

"Shit the bed again?"

"Yeah."

"Does it normally…you couldn't pay the bill could you?"

"…how did you know?"

"Look, let me-"

"Mother fucker, stop it."

"Beck, I don't-"

"I bet Gigi ratted on us, didn't she?"

"Well…"

"Dean, look…all I wanted was this script. I didn't ask for…everything else you did today."

"I know you didn't."

"So don't bother spending more money on us, please. We're thankful, beyond thankful. But I feel like a piece of shit with everything you've done today."

"Why?"

"Wha- why? Because…because…"

"You don't owe me Beck."

"No no, I definitely do. You've-"

"Done what any friend would."

"…yeah but…"

"Plus once you draw the panels how can you print them without the wifi?"

"I can just…oh, yeah, good point. But I can-"

"Printer's don't run on data plans."

"I know that, I didn't-"

"Get em' on the phone. Come on, our bonuses are on the line."

"You…gah you bastard. You suck. I hate you and you suck."

"I know."

"Damn, there it is. There's the green light, the payment went through already."

"WiFi back on?"

"Let me see- yup. Good to go."

"Cool."

"Dean, let me write down a couple notes for everything I owe you, hold on."

"Nope."

"Dean…please?"

"No."

"Don't put me in this situation, I'll never not feel guilty about it."

"We'll work it out."

"Hurr durr 'we'll work it out' he says, Hurr durr."

"We will. I swear."

"Alright, whatever. Umm…I guess…"

"Guess what?"

"I guess I'll let you go."

"Alrighty, anything else you need before I go?"

"Uhh…no no. We should be good."

"Cool."

"Uh…"

"What?"

"Uh…can I…"

"Can you what?"

"Can I….give you a hug?"

"Huh?"

"I don't know, I just wanted to ask first because last time I-"

"Sure."

"I- huh?"

"Sure, come on."

"Oh, cool."

She opened her arms and hugged me above my waist.

I gently placed my arms around her shoulders, barely gripping her back.

"Thank you Dean."

"You're welcome Beck."

"Really. I can't- huh?"

"What, what is it?"

Without letting me go, she shifted her head away and looked towards the front door.

I did the same.

Through the cracks in the windows, beams of bright lights crawled through.

The lights started dim and yellow, but they began to grow brighter and whiter.

The lights casted shadows throughout the house, as the sound of crackling gravel tickled through the walls.

We stood still, as we both realized a car was pulling into the driveway.

Once the lights became stagnant, I could feel Becky squeeze me as tight as she could.

She began stuttering into my shirt

"Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck, he's here. He's here."

She burrowed herself deeper into my stomach, trying to hide herself away.

I didn't look down towards her, instead keeping my attention towards the front door.

I could feel her shake and vibrate my whole body.

We could hear a car door open and close.

"Shit shit shit shit-"

"Shh. Shh. Stay behind me."

"Wha-what? Dean, what are-"

"Just stay behind me."

I shifted her grip to around my back, holding me from behind.

I took a few slow steps towards the front door.

The sounds of crunching footsteps approaching the door from the other side.

I can feel her slightly pull, trying to keep me away.

She whispered into me

"Dean, don't. Please, just-"

"Shh, it's okay Beck. I'm not gonna let him hurt you again."

"Dean…"

She began to whimper, dragging her feet and trying to slow me down.

For a few moments, I began imagining the next few possible seconds.

The door being kicked in.

Throwing a punch.

Taking a punch.

Going for the knees.

Kicking him while he's down.

I know at the start of this insane day, I'd be hiding in a closet and calling the cops.

But now, my hands and fingers felt anxious.

But my heart was calm.

My legs and feet were tense and constricted.

But my head was steady.

I felt no fear.

I felt no worry.

The footsteps stopped at the door, it was about to begin.

The next second lasted a lifetime.

Staring at the door, feeling Becky behind me.

I remembered the promise I made just an hour or two ago.

And if I truly was ready to follow my heart, I know I wasn't going to break it already.

If I was going to take care of her, that means I had to protect her.

And if I had to protect her, it means I had to do what was about to happen.

I balled up my fists, I took a deep breath in, and I took a loud stomp forward.

As the stomp echoed, the door responded.

A quick tender knock.

Followed by a muffled voice leaking through the cracks.

"Sorry guys, it's me. I forgot Gigi's charts."

Becky dropped her arms, her sigh of relief nearly knocking me over.

"Oh for fuck's sake, it's just Jennie. It's just Jennie."

She stepped around me, quickly opening the door.

The nurse was standing there at the front, waving at us.

"Hi, sorry. But I didn't realize I forgot them until I got back to the office."

"Fuck Jennie, you scared the hell out of us."

"Sorry, sorry. I know I should have called but I was driving on two wheels the whole way here."

"It's alright, it's alright. Where did you leave them?"

"I know exactly where, they are in Gigi's room."

"Okay, I'll let you go grab them."

"You got it, thanks Rebecca."

She sprinted up the stairs and we could hear her ram through Gigi's door. Before we could hear the bedroom door close she was already coming back down the stairs. A folder full of paperwork clutched in her arms.

"Thanks! Sorry! Bye!"

She ran right past us, and hopped back into her running car and sped off in the dirt.

Becky closed the front door behind her, and promptly banged her head against it.

She held her forehead against the door for a few seconds before pushing herself off.

She looked at me, her eyes wide and her mouth agape.

"Jesus…fucking…Christ."

"Dean, I just about had a heart attack there."

"Yeah, same here."

"Bullshit you did."

"Bullshit? What bullshit?"

"Dean, you were about to…I've never seen you so…brave before."

"Brave? Really?"

"Yeah. I wanted to just go hide but you…you…Sorry I just didn't think you had that side of you."

"Oh, well…me neither."

"What were you gonna do if it was him?"

"I…was gonna try and kick his ass. I guess."

"…really?"

"Yeah, really. I said I wouldn't let him hurt you again, I meant it."

"…you…I…"

What was now familiar to me, was her whimpers before her cries.

I can hear her struggle.

One hand on her waist, the other covering her eyes.

"Hey hey hey, Beck. What is it?"

"I just…I just…I hate that you feel like you need to fight to-"

"Don't."

"Huh?"

"Stop feeling guilty Becky. Please."

She lowered one hand, showing the single tear she has shed.

"I can't… not feel it Dean. I feel so guilty and…and…and scared and…and I-"

She lowered her head again, and as she did I reached for her.

Cuddling her into my chest, her hands and arms tucked in as well.

"Dammit Dean…"

"It's alright Beck."

"Why…why…"

" 'Why' what?"

After a couple deep breaths, her voice sounded sturdy again.

"Why are you so good at this?"

"Good at what?"

"Just…nothing. Nothing."

Her arms dropped down, making a gap between us.

She quickly closed it herself, gripping me back as we were before.

We stayed there for a few moments, listening to each other breathe.

I started to think about what she said.

Not about me being brave.

I didn't know I was able to act and behave that brave either.

But about what she felt.

Guilty.

And scared.

"Hey. Beck?"

"Yeah?"

"Earlier, you said you felt scared?"

"Uh…yeah."

"Of him?"

"Yeah…yeah."

"Do you think he'd really come back?"

"I…don't know. I really don't know."

"Then why don't I spend the night?"

"Why don't you…huh?"

She looked up at me.

She seemed as shocked as she did when I muffled her for the first time in the cafe.

"How about I spend the night here? Just so you can feel safer."

"D-Dean…"

"I mean it."

"…do you really?"

"Yup."

I could see her expression change one detail at a time.

Her eyes glistened, her cheeks wrinkled, as her shock became a gigantic smile.

"I'd…yes…please stay Dean."

After a couple rounds of different board games, I let out a big yawn.

"Getting tired Dean?"

"Eh."

"It is late, let's call it a night."

"You got it."

The board games and snacks were cleaned up, leaving just me, Becky, the couch, and the TV.

"I think we have a cot or something around here for you."

"Nah don't worry about that Beck, I'll just take the couch."

"You sure?"

"Oh yeah, it's super comfy."

"It is comfy, isn't it?"

She sat down in the middle, bouncing up and down and pressing her palms into the cushions.

I sat down next to her, and started doing the same.

"Here Dean, anything you wanna watch to fall asleep too?"

"Nah, just put on whatever."

"Alright…uh…I don't know, here's a movie I never heard of."

The TV switched to a scene of two young adults drinking at a beachside bar.

We payed attention for all of three seconds, and without waiting for any additional context assumed it was a bland rom-com.

"This is dumb, let's-"

"Leave it, it'll take forever to find something else."

"Fair enough."

Becky tossed the remote onto the coffee table, landing on the script.

"Oh shit, there it is. Fuck, I completely forgot about this."

She grabbed it, and then flipped through the pages quickly.

"You gave me a lot to work with here Dean. I'm looking forward to it."

"Cool."

"Mind if I start it now?"

"Oh yeah, absolutely."

"Sweet."

She adjusted herself deeper into the couch, folding her uninjured leg over her other one.

She flipped open the front page, and started reading it to herself.

"If you got any questions about it let me know."

"Will do."

As she read more and more, I focused on the movie. With nothing else to really do.

Nothing the characters said was relevant to me, and their bad acting made me want to reach for the remote.

But I didn't wanna disturb Becky, since I was pretty sure she was using the light from the screen to read.

I slouched in a little bit, the couch feeling like it was absorbing me more and more.

My eyes felt heavy as I blinked, making it difficult to open them back up.

As I fought them open, the colors and the light from the screen began to blur.

The sounds were muffled and low.

The weight in my eyes began to bring my head down.

Down further and further into my chin.

But the sounds of paper rustling jolted me back up.

In the corner of my eye I could see Becky turning to the next page.

I focused my attention back on the screen, the rom-com coming back into view.

Something about a party, or something about a certain dress.

But as the words began to muffle again, my eyes began to close.

My head began to drift back down.

"Goodnight Dean."

"Guh-huh?"

I sat back up, looking over to Becky.

She was smiling at me, a fresh new page in her hand.

"I was just saying goodnight. I can see you drifting off there."

"Oh, g-goodnight Beck. Goodnight."

I shuffled back up once more, feeling more and more weightless on the couch.

Almost instantly, my eyes locked shut and the sounds faded away.

I was ready to finally bring this day to an end and see what tomorrow could possibly bring.

For a moment, I felt like I was in that black void of unconsciousness.

But then, the sounds broke in.

Muddled and unclear.

But I had no presence to find them.

They sounded like they echoed in reverse, starting as a distant vibration and getting louder and clearer as it approached.

I waited in place, waiting for the sound to approach me.

I couldn't see it, I couldn't feel it, and I couldn't completely make it out either.

But it felt like it was right on top of me, leaning up against me.

One more time, as clear as crystal, the sound came through.

"I love you."

"Gah…huh…wha…huh?"

"D-Dean?"

I was brought back into the living room.

I began to rub my eyes and my ears, trying to shake away what the void felt like.

I looked over, and Becky was still holding the script.

"Hey Be-"

A huge yawn interrupted me.

"Hey Beck. How long was I out? What time is it?"

"It's…only been like three minutes dude."

"Re-"

Another jaw stretching yawn.

"Really?"

"Y-yeah. I…I thought you were out."

"I thought I was too. Man."

"Did-uh….what…did something wake you up?"

"Uh…I don't know. I thought I heard something."

"Wha-what did you hear?"

"I think someone saying 'I love you'?"

"Fuck! Uh-I mean-"

"Whoa Beck, you good?"

"Yeah yeah yeah, it was-uh-it was the movie I think."

"Oh, was it?"

I looked at the screen, and could only see one character on the screen.

"Yeah-Yeah-Yeah, uh…I think he was practicing saying it or something."

However, the character on the screen was the female lead.

"He? You mean she?"

"Huh?"

"That's a girl right?"

"Wha-Fuck! Uh-yeah yeah, that's right. Uh…I just wasn't paying attention really. I don't know, I don't know."

"You uh…you good?"

"Yup! Super duper. I'm just plugging along on this great script here."

"Ooo…Kay?"

"Yes sir, plugging along. Just…uh…yeah. Plugging along."

"Plugging along?"

"Y-yes? That's…the right term…right?"

"I guess."

With every blink the lights and sounds began to become blurry again, a black border closing in like the end of a movie.

"Just…head on back to sleep Dean. There you go."

"I…oka…"

I could feel my body drift away, the last of my vision rotating down.

Right as my eyes closed again, I could feel my head land on something.

I don't think it was the couch or a pillow.

What else could it have been?

What else was there…to…sleep on?

…

…

…

The next time I opened my eyes, the sun was gleaming in through the windows.

The birds outside were chirping.

The TV was off.

The script was on the floor.

And I could see and feel Becky sleeping on my head.

As I was sleeping on top of her shoulder.