The events of this chapter culminate in chapter 64 of the Berry-Lopez and Fabray sagas
(Juan)
Sometimes I wish that my time off at home was really time off, that I could devote myself to my home and family. But no, the next day I had to have a high-risk surgery to remove a tumor in a very complicated area. Alicia's resident would take part just to monitor cardiac activity, the patient's oncologist would be my assistant and I would do the heavy job. As it was an unusual surgery, there would be a small audience of doctors in the observation room. I had already gone over the steps a million times, yet there I was again, doing one last review of the case.
At least I was comfortable in my favorite armchair in the basement of my house, along with my records, the very soft carpet, the washing machine was running and Beth was playing with her toys very quietly. Shelby was at OSU in Lima. She went back to teaching in Carmel, but gave up directing Vocal Adrenaline (and a good chunk of her salary) in order to do her master's degree as well. Shelby talked to her supervising professor basically online, she took classes remotely and, once a week, she went to the OSU's Lima campus to study and write. I know very well that this isolation was fundamental. I set aside one day every 15 days just to do research (and required my entire team to do the same), I tried to go to at least two medical congresses a year to keep up to date and see what my colleagues were investigating. I also wrote a scientific article at least once a year.
That's why I understood Shelby's effort. She only had to go to the campus in Columbus a few times a semester to present the progress of her research to the monitoring committee, to take exams and to attend a seminar that was interesting to her. She was researching the parallels between theatrical action and musical directing by Soloman Jordan, who is a theater director from Ohio who worked on Broadway in the 1980s and 1990s. He did some things that Shelby says were as innovative as they were controversial. If she said the guy was relevant, I could only believe it, as I knew absolutely nothing about the subject. What I did know was that this director was retired and living in Dayton. Shelby visited him once to interview him.
On those days when Shelby isolated herself to study, I tried to stay with Beth. And if I couldn't, which was recurrent, Beth would repeat the same routine that Rachel and Santana had done thousands of times: she would stay in the hospital nursery.
"Papi, do doctors build tents?" Beth asked me.
"It depends. Doctors take care of people's health, but some of them also know how to build tents."
"You know how to build tents?"
"It depends on the tent."
"A Legos tent?"
I put my computer aside and sat down on the carpet with Beth. Some of her toys were scattered around. I started to put together a bunch of Legos.
"We can make a small tent out of these legos. We can make a tent for that little doll of yours."
"But I won't be able to get in!"
"For you to get in, we'd have to have a truckload of Legos to build the tent."
Beth picked up a few pieces and was intrigued. She even seemed a little disappointed. Her temperament was very different from her older sisters. Santana would never ask whether or not it was possible to make a tent: she would simply try. Santana's curiosity was solved in practice, and when things didn't work out, she would try to figure out what went wrong. Santana was always the "trial-error" type, so I was a little surprised when she decided to become an economist, when I had sworn she would be an engineer. Rachel was the obsessive type: she would learn everything she could about the subject she was interested in, and she could talk about this one thing all day long! While Santana was more eclectic in this sense, Rachel's specific interests led her to exactly where she is today: a musical theater actress. Beth wasn't fixated on one subject, like Rachel; she wasn't an articulator like Santana either. Beth was curious but also cautious, and even shy when she was in the company of other children.
"Papi, can you buy a truckload of Legos so we can make a tent?"
"No, I can't, sweetie. But we can think of another way to make a tent." At that point, the revision for the surgical procedure went into overdrive.
"What other way?"
"Come on Beth, you need to help me collect some materials from around the house to build our tent."
"Then we'll be able to camp?"
"Of course!"
"With Sophie, Clara and Mr. Boo?" She was referring to the dolls and the stuffed tiger she loved.
"Of course."
"Lassie too?"
"You know Lassie can't come down here in the basement, sweetie... it's not allowed. But we can camp in the pool's house, so Lassie can camp with us."
Beth's eyes lit up. To do something playful, I planned a tent in the best three-year-old style. All with the help of Beth, who carried the lightest things for me, like the sheets and pillows. I moved the furniture away from the small room in the pool house. I took three chairs from our diner room and positioned them in a triangle. I tied the sheets to the chairs so that they formed the ceiling and walls. Beth put the pillows inside the way she wanted and there was a very nice tent while Lassie was guarding everything.
"Do you know what we need to make this camping even cooler? Snacks!"
Beth celebrated. While she went to get the plates and glasses from her toy kitchen, I cut two slices of bread into four, spread jam on them, cut an apple into pieces, added a few drops of lemon so that the apples wouldn't turn dark, and got the fruit juice from the fridge. When it started to get dark and the temperature dropped, Beth didn't want to leave the campsite at all. The pool house was cold, and the heater there needed to be replaced. It was limited to a small living room, a guest bedroom and a bathroom. What's more, the glass door didn't do much to keep the heat in because it had an opening due to shoddy construction that let the wind and cold in. So, I put a cold coat on her and we grabbed some blankets and stayed inside the tent. A good campout wouldn't be complete without a story, so I turned on the lantern, put it in front of the tent, and we pretended that this was our campfire. Beth sat next to me, leaning against me while I read one of her favorite books.
"What the hell is going on here?" Shelby caught us. "Juan and Beth, what mess have you been in?"
"Mom, it's story time in our camp!" Beth said, looking angry.
"Is this a camp?"
"Of course! We're in the fairy forest, don't you see?" I stared at Shelby, as if it were obvious. She wanted to look like she was angry, but the truth was that she barely disguised her desire to laugh.
"Isn't it a bit too cold to be camping in the Fairy Forest, Juan?"
"I was just going to finish the story, and we were going to go indoors."
Shelby then went into the tent, sat on the ground and hugged Beth while I finished the story. It was really getting cold, and our camp had to be shut down. Shelby helped Beth in the shower, while I made a cream soup of peas. Beth didn't like peas, but she loved it when I made the cream soup with a little bit of fried bacon in the center of the dish just for flavor. Go figure? We had dinner while Shelby and Beth talked about the day she'd had at school and that camp in the fairy forest. The only reason Shelby didn't make us organize the mess at the campsite was because it was already dark and cold. She had a system for making Beth put her toys in the box and learn to be organized. She even had a song for it.
When Shelby went to put Beth to bed, I stayed to tidy up the kitchen. There was a drawing on the fridge that Beth had made. It had been there for a week. The teacher asked the children to draw their families and tell the class about it. Beth drew papi and mamma holding hands with little Beth. Next to us were Santy and Rach. And even closer, there was Lassie. The teacher commented to Shelby, who later told me laughingly: Beth said that Rach was her sister who had a girlfriend called Kim, and that she spoke very loudly when she was at home. I think the teacher thought she had misunderstood Beth's perception of her sister, but no, everything was right. That story made me happy. Seeing that drawing made me happy.
"I need a vacation!" Shelby kissed me as we entered our room. "I'm exhausted!"
"Shel..."
"What is it?" She became alert because of my serious tone.
"I'd like to adopt Beth."
"What?"
"I'd like to adopt Beth. I'd like to make official what already exists in practice. I am her father, Shelby. Regardless of DNA or what may happen to us in the future, I am her father. And I was wondering if would you allow me to contact my lawyer about the adoption process?"
"You love Beth the same way..."
"Shel, don't mix things up. Rachel, Santana and Beth are different people and my relationship with each of them will always be different."
Which was true. Rachel was always my little girl, whereas Santana and I used to clash. Our different personalities and the need for me to discipline meant that I was stricter with Santana than I was with Rachel. Sometimes I was unfair and let Rachel get away with things when she should have been corrected. I think it was my fault that Rachel was a bit spoiled. Today I recognize where I went wrong. Beth was different because my relationship with her takes place at a different time in my life, when I'm older and more seasoned with the lessons I've learned. I have an established career, I have financial stability, and I'm able to pay more attention to Beth and be more present in her life than I ever was in the lives of Santana and Rachel at the same age. Anyway, despite all the differences, I love all three of them.
"I want to ensure that Beth has the same rights and the same access to my assets as Santana and Rachel. I want Beth to have my name, and for her to have a father on her record."
"Juan, are you sure what you're asking? This is very serious. There's no going back."
"If I wasn't sure, I wouldn't be asking you."
Shelby stared at me for a moment, as if she wanted to find a trace of hesitation on my part. No, she wouldn't, because I was very sure of what I wanted. Then she sat down on the bed and sighed.
"I don't know how to break this news to Beth. I don't know how to make her understand that she's going to be adopted by you."
"So do you agree?"
"Yes, Juan, I do. I think it's fair, as long as your relationship with her doesn't suffer or change if we have problems."
"I know how to separate things. Besides, I have no intention of having problems with you. Quite the opposite. That ring with the diamond stone is waiting for you."
"One thing at a time, Juan."
Shelby kissed me and we lay down.
"Why would we have problems breaking the news to Beth? She knows she is adopted."
"No, Juan, Beth knows she wasn't born from my belly. I've never actually used the word. Besides, she's three."
I've never paid attention about it, to say the truth. I know that Shelby told Beth that she met her at the storks' house, and when their hearts matched, Shelby picked her up and took her home. Beth has some of those books about the family of bears who adopt a duck and things like that.
"I don't know if we need tell Beth about this document, she's only three and she didn't understand such things. She doesn't see it that way or live it that way, because she's sure that I'm her father. She never met another father. That guy Puckerman was never part off her life… he never visits her. And Beth has no clue what biological parents means, let alone that her biological mother is Quinn. The only thing we'll have to do for now is teach her the full name, you know? Corcoran-Lopez." I rambled.
"But what will happen when she gets older and realizes that she looks like her sister's girlfriend?"
"Have you been thinking about it?"
"I always think about it, Juan. Especially since Quinn is always around. I always think about… the talk." Shelby turns to face me. "How did you and Hiram manage it with Rachel and Santana?"
"Hiram and I told them the truth. Of course, we added information as they grew up, but we essentially told the truth. The only thing we concealed and didn't reveal even under Rachel's most emotional pleas was your identity."
"I have no idea how to tell Beth the truth about Quinn."
"Well, when the time comes, we'll try to have the most sincere and sensitive conversation we can. Together!"
Shelby turned over in bed, lying on her back for a moment. She was still thinking about the possibility.
"Elizabeth Anne Corcoran-Lopez, daughter of Shelby Corcoran and Juan Lopez... sounds good."
"That's it!"
"Juan."
"Huh?"
"What if I adopted Rachel and Santana?"
"What?"
"I don't exist in their documents. That's hurt!"
"Well… We'll have to consult the lawyer to find out what that process would be like. But they're adults and they'll definitely have a say and sign papers."
"Would you check that out for me?"
"Of course. Although tomorrow I'm going to be busy with a monster surgery. But you can get in touch with our lawyer. That's no problem at all."
"I'll do that."
"This is odd... adopting our own children..."
"Yeah, this is odd. At least we still have time to put things right."
...
(Shelby)
"Horse!"
"Donkey!
"Shrek!"
"That's it!
"Hooray!"
"What?"
"You're cheating! How can you guess the name of this movie from that drawing?"
"You're jealous that we're professionals."
We were at Alicia and Ronald's house having a night of games, wine and cheese with some friends. Obviously, the game of guessing movies with drawings and mimes only got funnier after a few glasses of wine.
Alicia and her husband liked to organize these gatherings from time to time. Juan and I didn't attend all of them, but we tried to be there when we could. I only knew one other couple out of the five who were there: Lewis and Sandra. Lewis of whom worked at the hospital with Alicia and Juan. The other two couples were friends of Ronald, who worked as a sector manager for the multinational chemical company located in Lima. Those were Juan's friends, basically, but I didn't care. That was the typical social life of a small town like Lima: meetings between couples, barbecues with the family and friends, maybe a chat in a bar. As I didn't attend church, the social circle formed around religion didn't exist for me. If we wanted to do something different, like going to the theater or a music festival, we had to travel to other bigger cities. As I tried to do whenever I went to New York to visit my daughters, or for some professional commitment.
My good friends from years ago stayed in New York and New Jersey, and I basically talked to them by phone and cell phone messages, which were becoming increasingly scarce. It was the evil of distance, which made these people become social media's friends over time. Since we adapt to everything, at least I was rebuilding my own circle of friends, especially with some of the people I worked with in Carmel.
Alicia and Juan could be called best friends. Alicia was born in a little town called Taos in New Mexico, went to high school in Santa Fe, graduated from the University of Utah in Salt Lake City, and ended up in Cleveland attracted by what was considered the best residency program in the American Midwest. It was in Cleveland that she met Juan. They entered in the same selection and their good performance led them to continue in the program as residents until they were hired by the hospital. When Aaron Parker's foundation bought Lima Memorial Hospital, Juan and Alicia received a good offer to move to another city. At the time, the hospital was being re-equipped and the team was being rebuilt due to the new administration, in addition to the implementation of a career and residency plan along the same lines as Cleveland. All this was also thanks to the money invested by the multinational chemical industry based in Lima.
For Juan, it was the opportunity to return to the American city that had welcomed his family, to be close to his mother and sister, and to raise Rachel and Santana in a small, quiet town where was safer than Cleveland. Alicia accepted the job offer for the money, pure and simple. Anyway, it was in Lima that she met Ronald, her second husband, and the two of them had a son. I think Chris was about 12 years old, and he was one of those hyperactive kids who had to do a lot of activities to give their parents a break.
There on the couples' date party were best friends Juan and Alicia together kicking my ass in a silly game of drawings and mimes. Alicia made this rule that couples couldn't be on the same team together, so I was playing with Ronald and Sandra, as well as Carl and Georgia. They were nice people, but the two couples who were friends with Ronald had a rather provincial mentality.
Juan was all smiles because he was winning, and I think he was even a little drunk, something that was very rare to see. Juan had this rule that he could never get drunk, because he was liable to be called to the hospital for an important emergency at any time of the day. Juan never made it past the second glass, but that night he was on his fourth glass of wine and heading for his fifth. Maybe it was the fact that it was Saturday, or maybe it was the fact that Juan was enjoying three days off that made him relax more.
I wasn't sure if Juan's little drunkenness was acting up enough for him not to mind Laila's presence next to him. Or if it was because Juan had always been a bit of a turn-off in that sense. But that siliconed, fake blonde bitch was insinuating herself to my guy in my face and in the face of her husband... although Carl did seem to be a banana: a banana nerd who earned a lot of money, so he could afford a trophy wife. The first time Laila put her dirty hand on my guy's leg, I thought it was just an adult getting carried away. But the third time I saw it happen, I acted.
"Juan, darling, don't you think it's time we go home? We're running over time with Beth's babysitter."
Juan seemed a little confused by my sudden attitude. He looked at his friends and the others and smiled awkwardly. I think he was in an internal struggle between doing my bidding or playing the spoiled child, asking to stay some more.
"Oh, no, Shel. We haven't even started karaoke yet." Alicia complained. She'd certainly had enough. "You're a Broadway singer... you should humiliate us with your talent."
"I've retired from Broadway, Al."
"I didn't know you worked on Broadway." Laila gave me a cynical look, as if to challenge me. "Any plays I know of?"
"Rent, Les Mis... just to name a few." Laila didn't need to know that I was only a s/b and ensemble in those plays. Anyway, it was on my CV and I certainly got money working on them.
"Shel, you should give us the pleasure!" Alicia was excited. Alicia was thrilled. "Can you believe I've never seen you sing in all the years I've known you?"
"My voice isn't warmed up. I'm sure I'll fall out of tune."
"You know what I think? We should start a karaoke session! I'm tired of kicking your ass in this game."
Alicia went excitedly to connect the karaoke console. Meanwhile, I approached my guy and sat down on the arm of the sofa, right next to him. I crossed my legs, put my hands on Juan's shoulders, and stared at Laila in a way that if she didn't get out of there, I would elegantly knock my glass of wine into her dress.
"Alicia... do you need any help?" Laila stood up. I think she got the message.
Juan looked at me and smiled a little weakly. Yes, he was definitely in a huff. Juan put his hands on my legs without the slightest shame and looked at me like he could take me to the bathroom of that house just to have a quickie. I'm sure that whoever was watching us at that moment was dying of envy.
"Come on guys," Alicia drew attention to herself. "It's time to annoy the neighbors!"
"I think we're going to blow them away, Shelby." Juan took another sip and I took a piece of cheese along with a slice of salami and handed it to him.
"I didn't see you eat anything, love. And this cheese is delicious." I didn't really see Juan eating anything, so he needed to put something in his stomach, or the alcohol would rush to his brain as soon as he got up.
It's not that Juan was exaggerating: everyone there was in a state of stupor. You know, that stage when you're still able to make decisions, but you can't drive anymore? That was the state of most of us. Juan ate his cheese and picked up the list of songs with their codes. I thought those karaoke consoles were just terrible. In New York there were karaoke bars frequented by students, singers and budding actors where the audio quality was pretty decent. Sometimes you could sing along to the piano or guitar that was available.
Ronald was the first to sing. He was awful, but at least Ronald did a funny performance of A-Ha's Take On Me. When they get a lot drunker, men tend to think they're Frank Sinatra and sing My Way, which was pathetic. Alicia took a chance with Everyboddy Wants to Rule the World. When it was Laila's turn, she sang Like a Virgin full of faces and mouths. Juan reacted to her performance basically as he had done in the previous ones. But I didn't smile and stared at her. Bitch, you're nothing playing my game.
Lewis sang Easy, which created a bit of an awkward atmosphere, because the guy had chosen an incredible classic, it's true, but it was a break-up song on a couples' date! At that moment, I looked at Sandra, and she, who worked at the bank branch, looked away. Perhaps something important was going on in their private lives.
Then Juan decided to change the mood a little bit. He typed in the code and turned around as if he was really willing to have fun with the joke. The introduction made my jaw drop, and Juan really got into it, dancing like a stripper and everything, singing nothing less than Out Tonight, by Rent! He sang and performed almost exclusively for me, despite de audience. I didn't know if he was just joking or was actually proposing something hot.
At the end of the anthological performance, Juan came up to me and said in my ear.
"You wanna play?"
"Guys, it was a pleasure... where's my jacket?" I stood up suddenly and the other couples looked at me with envy, because Juan wasn't so subtle, and neither was I.
"Ah, but not before you sing, Shelby." Laila challenged me. "After Juan's performance, we need to hear from the other half of the couple."
If that bitch thinks things are going to cool down, she's dead wrong. I grabbed that bum microphone and didn't bother typing in any code. My voice was powerful enough to fill the room.
"Roxanne, you don't have to put on the red light/ Those days are over/ You don't have to sell your body to the night/ Roxanne, you don't have to wear that dress tonight/ Walk the streets for money/ You don't care if it's wrong or if it's right."
That was bold, but it was also a sequel and a humorous response to the song Juan had sung. Alicia got so excited that she started clapping to set the rhythm. It wasn't a song that required my vocal range, but, well, I did my best to include a few high notes. And when I finished my performance, Juan was even more on fire and the applause was all for me. I just looked at Laila, as if to say "don't mess with me or my guy, bitch".
"Now we really have to go." Juan greeted Alicia with a kiss on the cheek and shook Ronald's hand. "Thanks guys, but I need to take my lady home."
Juan reached for the car keys, but I took them from his hand. If the police stopped us, I certainly wouldn't pass the breathalyzer test, but at least I was in a better condition to drive. Besides, Alicia's house was less than five minutes away from ours. We could have walked if it hadn't been drizzling. Fortunately, nothing bad happened on the way, and when we arrived, the nanny was asleep on the sofa in the TV room, which really was the most comfortable one in the house.
"Hey Emma!"
"Hi, mrs. Corcoran." She stood up sleepily. "You've arrived..."
"A little later than I should have, sorry. I'll pay you a little extra for this inconvenience. Did Beth behave?"
"Yes, we played cards and watched cartoons."
I paid for the service and Emma left on her bike. She was 15, and lived in the next street. Even so, I asked her to text me to say that she'd arrived at her house safely. I checked on Beth, who was asleep in her room. When I got to mine, I found Juan asleep. He'd barely laid his head on the pillow and blacked out. All he did was take off his shoes and belt, as well as his jacket. I, on the other hand, took off my clothes and put on very comfortable pajamas. I looked at Juan and kissed him on the cheek before turning onto my side, wrapping myself in the blankets and going to sleep.
…
When I woke up, Juan was no longer in bed, which was not unusual. He should have gone for a run by now. I was also trying to exercise. I bought a treadmill and was also using Rachel's old elliptical. I put them in the pool house, turning it into a small gym. It was easier for me to exercise at home because of Beth, and because I was in the middle of my master's degree, and working in Carmel. I didn't have time to go to a gym. I put on my robe over my pajamas, my slippers and went to Beth's room. I found my daughter already awake, rubbing her eyes.
"Good morning, sweetie. Did you sleep well?"
Beth nodded and hugged me, still sore from being sleepy.
"Are you hungry?" She nodded. "Well, let's use the bathroom, brush your teeth, then we'll have breakfast, okay?"
Beth still wore her diaper to bed, but she had been waking up dry these last few days, which gave me hope that I could get rid of this feature once and for all. She used the bathroom and I helped her clean herself and brush her teeth. It was Sunday, and it was good that we didn't have to do anything that day. Beth was cranky that morning, so I went downstairs with her on my lap. Lassie slept on her mattress inside the library during the winter, but we had to open the kitchen door in the morning so she could run out into the yard to do her business. Luckily Juan had already done this when he went for a run, so we found Lassie with her paws on the door asking to come in. I put Beth in her chair and opened the fridge to get the milk. At that point, I was acting on automatic.
That's when I saw a note on the counter under a little box that I knew well.
"Do you think I forgot last night? Do you think I've forgotten your attitude? It only made me love you more. Will you marry me?" - Juan.
I opened the box and there was the familiar ring. This time I took it out of the box and put it on my finger. It was just the right size. I analyzed my hand with the ring, and it didn't look bad at all with that diamond stone.
"Look at Mamma's ring." I showed Beth my hand. "Do you think it looks good on me?"
"I do." She said with childlike enthusiasm.
"Papi wants to marry Mamma. What do you think?"
"Are you going to dress up as a bride?"
"Maybe."
I served the morning fruit and unsweetened cereal with milk sweetened it with a little honey. Beth was already learning to eat on her own and when I was patient, I let her be free to make a mess, knowing that I would have to clean up afterwards. While Beth was eating, I took a pen and wrote on the back of the note. I closed the box.
When Juan got home, I tried to act as if nothing had happened. I was in the library having my coffee, with my glasses on, quickly revising my master's manuscript. Beth was playing nearby, with Lassie lying on the floor just watching her.
Then Juan appeared in the library with the note in his hand and a starry smile on his face.
"I love you so much babe." He wrapped his arms around my waist and we kissed. Then Juan took a good look at my hand. "That ring looks so sexy on you."
We kissed again.
What had I said in the note?
"Yeah, whatever!" - Shel
...
You know those couples who accept a marriage proposal and immediately have sex right there on the floor? Well, I couldn't be like that with Juan because we had a small daughter at home, who was watching us at the time. We endured this sexual tension until Beth fell asleep after lunch.
As soon as Beth closed her eyes on her bed, Juan and I rushed to our room, trying to be discreet for our daughter's sake, but I don't know if we succeeded. He fucked me quickly, without foreplay. First like a cowboy, pressing me against the wall, but we finished on top of the bed, in the comfort of our mattress.
"We need to repeat this exercise tonight!" I said, catching my breath after a great orgasm.
"We sure will!" Juan said a little sleepily.
"We need to tell the girls about this... the part that we're getting married... not what we've been doing to celebrate."
"We can make a big announcement!" Juan said almost casually. "We have a lot of news to tell them and we could do it in style, you know?"
"We could do it on your birthday, what do you think?"
"Shel, I'm not a fan of birthday parties."
"But it's the closest date we can do as an excuse to get together with family and friends. Then it'll be great to announce that we're getting married... since Beth's adoption papers should arrive this week, we can announce that too. Only Rachel and Santana's adoption will be pending, that is, if they agree."
"Yes, that might be a good idea."
"Of course it's a good idea! It's my idea."
Juan grinned
"Boy, I'm going to marry Shelby Corcoran... I feel like I'm the popular kid in school!"
"You're very silly."
"It's true!"
"Do we have time for one more round to celebrate this feeling?"
"Mamma!" We heard Beth knock on the door.
"I'm coming, sweetie! One minute, please." I said loud and clear.
Juan and I looked at each other and kissed quickly.
"Tonight."
"Tonight, absolutely."
I quickly put on my clothes and went to attend to my daughter. We had a small child at home, and it wasn't going to be possible to live a newlywed life with two young people. But you know what? I didn't give a damn. I was as happy as I've ever been.