Author's Note: I was browsing through Bungie's online store because I was bored and came across a set of boxer briefs based on weapon foundries. Thus, this idea spawned itself. Also, fair warning, slightly NSFW at the end. Enjoy.
SUROS: For when things get sweatier than the Crucible.
"We recognize that our products are typically used in more competitive activities, so why should our underwear be any different? With loose, lightweight fabric, our boxer shorts will ensure that everything is well ventilated in every gun fight."
Tonitrus-9 says: Even with the right size, they're a bit too loose. Do you know what it's like to lose a gunfight because your underwear slides down your legs while wearing pants? 3/5
VEIST: For when you need that EXTRA sting.
"Here at VEIST, we want you to feel as deadly as a snake. With this in mind, our trunks will make sure EVERYTHING will stay in place in any activity to ensure maximum efficiency. Blade attachments are included."
Jun says: Why would you need to put blades on underwear? Do they seriously expect me to hop into the Crucible with no armor or weapons and attack…like that? 3/5
Omolon: To keep everything down there cooled.
"Incorporating the latest breakthroughs in Omolon liquid systems, our boxer briefs have three layers of fabric. The innermost layer is a smart fabric that conforms to your body, starting at the waist and down to your thighs. The second layer contains Omolon grade liquid plasma to keep everything temperature regulated. Finally, the outermost layer is a tear-resistant fabric that holds the garment together. We're serious about no tearing. (We've tried everything.)"
Indra says: [REVIEW REMOVED- Omolon does not condone performing experiments on these undergarments.]
Daito: The softest thing to hug your junk.
"Made from 100% genuine Awoken Star-silk and a little bit of space magic, these briefs will literally be the softest underwear you can get. The design is intentional so no; we don't make them larger."
Flux-13 says: They're like, REALLY soft. They're also on the smaller side so they're pretty huggy. I can somehow still see the outline even through my armor. I've gotten somany catcalls, it's like they were designed to accent certain uh…assets. 4/5
Tex Mechanica: We go old school.
"Obsessed with the Old West but not the heat? We can fix that, all of our undergarments ensure that everything down there is WELL ventilated while you live out your Old West fantasies. You'll be the talk of the cowgirls (or cowboys).
Vendrick-5 says: It's literally just a leather jockstrap, real subtle guys. Normally I'm a huge fan of Tex Mechanica but this is ridiculous. 2/5