I do not own Harry Potter, the Wizarding World, or any canon characters.
A Taste of Magic
162nd Course – What One Deserves
"Ah Harry my boy, come in come in," Nicolas said, not looking up from his work.
"I'm not bothering you, am I?" Harry asked as he stepped into Nicolas' work room, looking around at all the things scattered about.
"Not at all," Nicolas said warmly. He looked up briefly and frowned lightly at Harry's pensive expression. "This is about something a bit more serious, yes?"
Harry nodded silently.
"Allow me a moment to finish this then please, and you will have my undivided attention," Nicolas said.
"Take your time," Harry smiled.
It was a few days after the Gala and Harry still could not get what Celine said out of his head. It stuck to him, constantly lurking in the shadows of his mind, needling him. He thought about who to talk to it about, not wanting to keep it bottled up for once. Dumbledore had given him permission to leave the school for a short time and he went through his Floo to arrive at the Flamel estate.
After a long hug with Blinky with promises of more later, Harry found Nicolas in his workroom. He and Perenelle knew Harry was coming of course so it was not a surprise. Harry sat down on a clear chair and waited patiently for Nicolas to finish.
"There! Done, mostly," Nicolas said. He took off a pair of goggles and held up a broach. It was made of gold and had a clear gem embedded into the front of it.
"Looks great, what does it do?" Harry asked.
"This!" Nicolas pinned it to his chest and tapped it before flinging his arms out dramatically. A cloak flew through the air to him, arranging itself artfully around his shoulders while his cane flew to his hand. He struck a pose and the air about him moved, making the cloak billow dramatically and an aura of soft light enveloped him like a spotlight.
"Very cool," Harry smiled.
"Thank you!" Nicolas stood in front of a mirror and inspected himself critically. "I am a very handsome man," he said with deep satisfaction. He waved a hand and Harry joined him. He draped his free arm around Harry and looked into the mirror with even more satisfaction. "We are very handsome men. Look at us. Men weep for they are not us and women weep for they cannot call themselves ours for we have found who we desire. Glorious."
"Not too sure about the men weeping because they're not me," Harry laughed. "Not sure about the women one either."
"Trust me, they do," Nicolas said with deep smugness. He took off the broach and hung his cloak and cane on nothing but air and he turned to Harry. "Now then, thank you for indulging me. My time and attention are all yours. How can I help you, Grandson?"
Harry took a deep breath. "How do you know if you deserve something?" He knew it was a strange question that was either incredibly literal or deeply not. He also knew some would look at him strangely for even asking that.
Nicolas did not. He looked at Harry seriously and approached it with the equanimity that he approached most questions or things to be pondered. "Well, we can go with the literal explanation and say that, for example, if you studied hard for a test and got a good mark, you deserve it for your hard work. Conversely, if you studied hard but did not receive the mark you were hoping, that was perhaps not deserved, but there is some perspective on that."
He shrugged. "Then you have the ones who are talented and do not study at all and yet are able to achieve a mark that you may not deem deserved, but they do. And in that case, who is the correct one? Again, a matter of perspective."
He tapped his chin thoughtfully. "Now if you are asking about it on a more philosophical slant, as in let us say why bad things happen to good people or why villains get away with what they do, then that is more difficult. Which further complicates if say something does end up happening to said villain and they get their deserved punishment, why did the punishment delay in happening?"
"Yeah, pretty much all that," Harry said. "I just realized how…nebulous my question was, sorry."
"Do not be," Nicolas said warmly. "Sometimes the nebulous is the more fun, but more often, more frustrating because the answer to a nebulous question is typically nebulous as well." Nicolas shrugged again. "The short answer I suppose is that the work and the effort will reflect on what is deserved and not, with some caveats for the outliers. The long answer is, it can be frightfully random and no one can know save for Magic, the Powers, God, or it could truly be completely random."
"I've heard you mention God and the Powers a lot before," Harry said. "Do you believe in something like that?"
"I have lived on this Earth for many years," Nicolas said seriously, his countenance without jocularity for a moment. "I have seen too much to completely discount the existence of…something. I have endured much that can only be described that there is something else there. Now what that something actually is can be up to spirited debate." He smiled. "Spirited, get it?" He chuckled at Harry's laugh.
"The way I personally see it," he continued, "there are degrees to everything. There is a candle's flame and then there is a consuming inferno. There is a drop of water and then there is the immense ocean. There is a gentle breeze and then there is a raging hurricane. So, there very well can be degrees of divinity. And therefore, I aim to be the highest level of divinity achieved by a person on this state of existence and so far, I am doing quite well."
He beamed as Harry laughed more. "Why are you asking me this, if I may ask?"
Harry sighed. "I had a conversation with Celine at the gala and she accused me of not deserving of being in the competition."
"Factually erroneous," Nicolas snorted. "Or has she not been paying attention to what the judges say?"
Harry shrugged. "I mean, I knew the cooking world and restaurants aren't easy by any means, and it must be rough trying to find work and being happy with it. I don't know what it's like to go to a cooking school and having to compete for attention and all that."
"I have heard stories from Gabriel," Nicolas said. "Much like many professions, there is a lot to endure and withstand for the chance at prosperity."
"Right," Harry said. "She accused me of being given things because of you and Grandmother?"
"Also factually erroneous," Nicolas sniffed. "I mean, I suppose we would have tried to help you in things should you ever ask, but that is between you and us. And yes, while her words and mine carry weight, that does not mean the words have to be carried or taken into consideration. You have succeeded on your own merits."
He snorted. "While she might have the right to say wrong things, she does not have the ability to make them true. Because they are not." He looked at Harry closely. "I feel there is more to it than that."
"I might have lost my temper at the end," Harry admitted.
"You? Then she must have said something terrible to cause you to do that," Nicolas frowned, crossing his arms.
"She said I don't deserve to be there because I haven't suffered like others have, like she has," Harry sighed. He looked up when he realized Nicolas had walked to him and put a hand on his shoulder.
"Harry, never try to compare your suffering against another person's," Nicolas said seriously. "That is a contest where there is no victor. For the one who won, has lost. Nothing good will ever come from trying to quantify your suffering and pitting it against another. That way lies madness and despair."
He patted Harry's shoulder and stood straight. "Also, while I am not trying to minimize her suffering, she has no idea what you have endured. So I say it thrice now, factually erroneous." He paced a little, walking back and forth. "She never had to watch her parents be murdered and remember it. She has blood kin. She was not a fucking Horcrux!" he thundered.
He calmed down when Harry hugged him, releasing a heated breath but hugging the young man warmly. "She has not endured what you have. I imagine if she knew the truth of it, she would be appalled at her words."
"I asked her if she ever had to depend on her cooking to eat at all," Harry said quietly. "Where failing meant not being able to eat anything, not even the food thrown away." He coughed when Nicolas hugged him all the harder.
"Precisely," Nicolas said sadly. "You have endured more than most will ever, and hope to never even dream of, much less see."
"But none of that has any bearing on what I do or don't deserve now," Harry protested.
"Does it not? Those circumstances have placed you on the path to where you are today," Nicolas countered. "You are who you are because of the events of your life, because of your experiences. Those are coupled with your nature. You are only where you are now because of your inherent sufferings. Do not let others diminish what you have done and have gone through because it inconveniences them. That is unfair to you."
"But according to all that and me doing everything I've done, it's not fair to her," Harry sighed.
Nicolas smiled sadly. "I had to learn this lesson a long time ago and I want to impart it to you. Everyone wishes to be the hero of their own story. However this is life, not fiction. You may be the hero of your own story, but there is a chance that you are a villain of another's, or several others. And you may try to do your best and make amends but unless you did tangible harm, it is not your responsibility to do so."
"That makes sense," Harry said. "I guess I don't like knowing people dislike me or hate me for something, especially if I didn't do anything."
"Perfectly normal," Nicolas said, his arm around Harry's shoulders.
"This is something I have to get used to, right?" Harry asked.
"Yes and no. It is good to come to terms with it and to always try and do your best," Nicolas said kindly. "But that does not mean you have to accept the unwarranted vitriol. It will be up to you on how to respond to it."
"Thank you," Harry said with a small smile. "I really appreciate it and everything you do."
"And I appreciate you," Nicolas said with a warm smile. "And know that all I, and Perenelle of course, do for you, we do so willingly and happily. Because not only you deserve it, but because we love you and know that you love us too."
They sat side by side in the cluttered workshop that felt very open and safe.
"Is the broach or pin done?" Harry asked.
"Almost. It is lacking something. A certain je ne sais quoi or something."
"How about a charm that changes the color of the gem and the lights," Harry suggested. "To match your mood or something?"
Nicolas beamed. "I like that!" He jumped up and dashed to the table and fiddled with the broach a little, murmuring softly and poking it with his wand. He clapped his hands and fixed it to his chest and threw his arms out dramatically again. The gem turned a bright cheery red and the cloak turned into the same color as it swirled around him and the light had a scarlet hue. He touched it again and it turned into a deep rich purple and the cloak and light matched it.
"I am even more handsome than I was before," Nicolas sighed, striking a pose. "Thank you, my boy. Perenelle! Goddess of my Heart! I have need of you!" he shouted.
"You only call me that when you have done something wrong," Perenelle said, walking in and frowning at him. "What have you done? Cheri, what has your grandfather done?"
"Nothing bad," Harry smiled. "He gave me great advice."
"Has he now?" she hummed, raising an eyebrow.
"I do so frequently," Nicolas complained. "Yet am always greeted with suspicion when I do. But that is beside the point. Look! It is finished and Harry gave me the idea on the finishing touch!" He tapped the broach several times and the light and the cloak and the gem changed color each time.
"Such a good idea," she praised Harry, hugging and kissing him.
"Look at us," Nicolas said smugly, putting the broach on Harry and having him use it with an emerald light and cloak and gem. "Such incredibly handsome men."
"You are incredibly something," Perenelle agreed. "And Harry is very handsome." She smiled at Harry. "Will you be staying for dinner? We can get something sent for."
"I'll make us something," Harry smiled.
"How about the steamed fish?" Nicolas asked. "That will be fast and I very much enjoy it. I will go out and purchase what you need." He took a hastily written shopping list from Harry and left with light steps, humming spritely.
"He did help you, yes?" Perenelle asked.
"He did," Harry said stoutly, nodding.
"Very good. Come! Let us get some things started before Blinky holds you captive for some time," she smiled.
-0-
"Oh that smells wonderful," Remus said, his stomach growling. He grinned sheepishly at Harry who laughed without restraint. "I apologize for my rude stomach," he joked.
"Don't be. Sirius casts a loudening charm on his stomach and Dora's been training hers to talk," Harry grinned, walking into Remus' quarters with a well laden tray of food.
Remus chuckled. "I suppose mine is demure in comparison. It always was like this though, especially before and after a full moon." He smiled wryly. "James used to joke about my appetite around the moon, said he knew when to push food closer to me and sit farther away."
"Did he do that?" Harry asked, shocked.
"Never, though he made a show of it," Remus reassured him. He took out plates and filled them from the food that Harry brought and dug in eagerly. They ate in companionable silence for a few moments. "Mm, wonderful," Remus said, wiping his mouth on a napkin. "Now that the edge has been taken off, how can I help you?"
Harry hesitated for a moment. "I, well, uh, how do I ask this…" He looked up when Remus chuckled warmly.
"So much like your mother," Remus said kindly. "You look just like she did when she was about to ask a personal question. She was very polite and sweet and slightly awkward about things like that. James would just blurt out the question if he let it sit and simmer for too long."
Harry smiled at that. "It is personal," he said.
"I promised to do better by you," Remus said. "And since it is you, I know it comes from a place of honest curiosity and I promise I won't be offended."
Harry felt a little better. "How did you become a werewolf?"
Remus smiled sadly. "I was bitten when I was a very small child. The werewolf who bit me did so as an act of revenge against my father for a perceived sleight."
"What?!" Harry gasped, horrified.
Remus sighed; a heavy sound that came from deep within. "Fenrir Greyback, the werewolf that bit me, had a…desire to bite children when he was a wolf, to turn them. He aimed to create a following of werewolves to one day overthrow the Wizarding World. My father had said some things about werewolves and Fenrir thought it would be especially poetic to turn his son into one."
"That's terrible," Harry said, still shocked.
Remus nodded in mute agreement. He snorted darkly. "My father, as you might imagine, took it poorly but I am grateful to say that he still tried to be a good father to me. He passed quite young, the same as my mother," he added softly. "I do not doubt that they loved me, but I have come to terms with the fact that it was not easy, having a child that was a werewolf."
He sat back in his chair, food momentarily forgotten. His eyes unfocused slightly as he peered into the past. "This was before the Wolfsbane potion. So every month, I would lose myself and become a werewolf that operated on instinct instead of reason. In fact, I was the first to attend Hogwarts after certain amenities were made, when Dumbledore became the headmaster."
He smiled a little, coming back to the present. "For so long, it was assumed I wouldn't be able to attend the school. I'm still grateful that it happened."
"Me too," Harry said. "What happened to him? Greyback?"
Remus' smile became cold and predatory. "I happened upon him during my travels abroad and plying my work. He was about to do what he did to me before and I swore I would try to prevent others from suffering as I had. So I stopped him. And he will never have the chance to hurt another person ever again."
"Good," Harry said. "I'm sorry for bringing up bad memories."
"Do not be sorry," Remus said kindly. "The memories hurt, but many memories do, even the good ones." He plied himself back to the food, in equal parts hunger as well as the drive to do something. "Why do you ask?"
"I was thinking that you didn't deserve any of that," Harry said.
Remu snorted. "I should hope not," he said wryly.
Harry grinned sheepishly. Before he could apologize, Remus was already waving his apology away preemptively and was taking a scone off his plate, making him feel better. "I guess I was curious on how you became one, and what happened around it." At Remus' inquiring look, Harry shared the conversation he had with Celine and the one he had later with Nicolas.
"Ahh, I see," Remus said, having sat and listened quietly without interrupting Harry until he was done. "I agree with him. You shouldn't compare your suffering against anyone else's. It's not fair to anyone."
"But you've suffered more than I have," Harry protested.
"Well, one might say that," Remus said slowly. "And while I am not making light of being a werewolf or any other werewolf's life experiences, it's still something incomparable. I had a warm childhood aside from my condition. I grew up with my parents before they died." He smiled sadly at Harry. "You didn't."
He bit into another sandwich and chewed slowly. "And that's something that can be said about a lot of people. James' parents died early into his life as well, they were a bit older and succumbed to an illness. They loved each other dearly and had a very kind homelife with a nearly nonexistent extended family. Sirius' parents died later in his life but they were, well let's just be honest, terrible people. He has some extended family if you count the many different families being loosely related but he barely tolerates a large portion of them and the feeling is mutual."
He frowned slightly and sighed. "Peter lost his father while he was very young and it affected him. His mother died after he went into…hiding. From what I recall, their relationship was warm and seemingly normal enough."
He sipped from his cup of tea. "The point I'm clumsily making is, comparing your suffering to another is an exercise in futility. Proving you have suffered the most is no mark of pride. Nor should it be a mark of shame. It is something that happened and one must try their best to overcome it, live with it, or risk being drowned by it."
Harry nodded thoughtfully, agreeing.
Remus snorted again. "That all said, and there is more than a bit of bias here, but I think Miss Beaufort is hilariously incorrect. You have earned your place in the competition and the finale. She is taking out her past and her present frustration out on you and that is unearned."
"I don't know what she's gone through, and I can't really fully understand it," Harry said slowly.
"Of course you can't," Remus said. "You are you. You are not her. It is unreasonable for you to be expected to. Much like she cannot reasonably understand what you have gone through. If she had any idea, she would be appalled, or at least I hope she would."
He rubbed his face. "One can of course try to imagine walking in a pair of another's shoes to see where they are coming from, but sometimes, you simply cannot. You lack the nature, the circumstances, all the parts to fully appreciate what they have endured. It's a fact of life. We can only try to be open-minded and sympathetic as well as empathetic, but even that has its limits."
He looked at Harry proudly. "You are one of the kindest and most empathetic people I know. You have endured far more than people many times your age and yet, you remain kind. That is honest strength. I admire you for it and am terribly proud of you for it."
"Thanks," Harry said, grateful. He hugged Remus and enjoyed the expression returned warmly.
"Of course, I will not lie to you," Remus said sincerely. "Don't let others detract from your honest achievements."
"It's hard," Harry said, sitting back.
Remus nodded sadly. "It is. But you deserve to be in the finale. No one, not even Miss Beaufort, can say otherwise."
"Thank you," Harry said again.
"How are you feeling about the finale by the way? Ignore the accusations from your competitor," Remus asked.
"I don't know honestly," Harry said. "Each challenge has been really different and I've had to make different things each time, except for the pies of course but I had a reason in doing that again. I'll have a better idea of my chances after I know the theme for the final, or get the clue for it."
"Makes sense."
"I'll just keep trying to do my best," Harry said.
"Good, do that and you will be fine," Remus said. He gave Harry a considering look. "There is a chance she said that to you to get into your head, to distract you and keep you from doing your best."
"I thought about that," Harry conceded. "There's a chance, but she seemed genuinely angry so I didn't know if it was a legit chance or not."
"As long as you're aware. I know it's not in your nature to do things without reason."
"Did Dad do that? Get into people's heads over things?"
Remus laughed. "All the time. He was a Chaser and enjoyed messing with the heads of his competitors before, during, and after games. As well as other moments. Sirius too." His smile grew. "One time, the two of them had put on some rather high stakes over a chess game. They spent a week before, needling each other and trying to distract the other."
"I bet it ended poorly," Harry said eagerly.
"Oh yes, for both of them," Remus said with an extra big smile. "You see, your mother was getting extra tired of them and this was when she was still rather unfond of both of them so she 'convinced' me to trick them independently."
"How?!"
"That it isn't hard to win a game, but rather to lose it convincingly," Remus said, snickering. "That it took a lot more skill and grace to lose in a way that made it seem like you weren't trying to lose at all."
"You didn't," Harry gasped, delighted.
"I did," Remus returned smugly. "I convinced them both and they then proceeded to drag the game out for over two hours with each of them trying to lose to the other in a convincing fashion." He and Harry laughed uproariously together. "The whole time they were getting more and more frustrated with each other while everyone else was enjoying their plight!"
"What did they do when they found out?" Harry asked, hiccoughing from laughing hard.
"One of the few times they were both struck dumb and they just glared at me and Lily before giving us the silent treatment for two days," Remus smiled fondly. "They forgave me first for being tricked by Lily which I told them I had not been tricked at all but they refused to believe it."
"I guess they deserved that," Harry smiled.
"Oh most definitely. They were being gigantic arseholes over it all," Remus laughed.
-0-
"Oof! Not that I'm complaining at all, but where did this come from?" Ariana asked, hugging Harry back. "I want to know for the future so I can make it happen whenever I want."
He hugged her even tighter for a moment before letting go. "I've been thinking a lot lately."
"My condolences," she said sympathetically, smiling as he laughed. "About what if I may ask?"
"About what people go through, about how much they've suffered," Harry said softly.
"Well that's a bit grim," she said, frowning a little. "What brought that about?" Her frown deepened as he explained the circumstances and she hugged him warmly. "Don't listen to that silly little twit," she said. "She doesn't know what she's talking about."
"But you've probably suffered a lot over similar things," Harry said. "Not to mention what you've had to go through."
"Sure," Ariana conceded. "And I'd be lying if I didn't wish before that things were different. But that was when I was little and I haven't come to terms with things. As the years passed, I realized what I have now is only because of what had happened to me. And well, I'd like some things to be different. Almost everyone would probably say the same."
She patted his cheek and smiled. "But I am happy with my life now. And I will continue to live it to the best I can."
"That's good," he said with relief. "I'm glad you're in mine."
"And I'm glad you're in mine," she said, hugging him tightly once more. "Now in my continued attempts to live it to the best that I can, I must say my stomach is empty and I'd like for you to correct it please."
"Of course," Harry smiled.
-0-0-0-
61394 - I was hoping that people would actually kind of sort of see where Celine is coming from. She doesn't know him. She can only compare what her personal past was over what she sees now. It's not entirely unreasonable for her to act this way, in my thinking, but I clearly underestimated the reaction. And haven't we all done that at one point? Judge something without knowing everything and being frustrated? I was hoping for a fairly human moment. Glad you liked the dahlia, I thought it would be a cute Easter egg of sorts.
Wentley - True, frustration and not knowing things do make people say and do the wrong thing.
minerdude - So FFN does not delineate notes of course, so the word count here is a bit conflated based on my notes and review responses. Don't worry, there are at least 12-odd chapters left.
odonnellzoo99 - That's what I was going for, the fact that she clearly knows nothing about him and can only compare the current situation to her past experiences. It doesn't make it right, but I was hoping people would understand where the outburst came form. She is wrong, but at this point, I didn't think she would know everything he had gone through. Lavender getting ready to throw down was one of my favorite bits though.
DOOOOOOM Lord of Waffles - She will understand in time.
Hands Off MY Wolfie - I don't think they insulted Blaise at all in this. Harry said Blaise taught him and shared a funny thing Blaise said. Celine did say some unfair things. Thanks for reading.
DarkRavie - Thank you.
poka - She made an incorrect judgement call for sure. Harry at least reacted how he would to that sort of situation and did his best.
TheSphynx - I tried to show all sorts of personalities in the competition to give it a more realistic feel.
alix33 - Harry and Lavender are very cute together.
Bitterkeit - Sadly, sometimes being in a position and environment for a long time can color a person's judgement and cause them to act a certain way if they feel like they'er still in it. I tried affogato for the first time fairly recently and it was very tasty. Cold and warm and bitter and sweet.