Chapter 15

My dearest E,

Has it already been a full day since I last saw you, held you in my arms, kissed your sweet lips? It seems like an eternity has passed. I still have the taste of you on my tongue, the feel of your breasts in my hands, the pleasure of your most sensitive flesh clenched around me.

Do I speak too indelicately? Forgive me if I make you blush. But I have never been in love before, and I hardly know what to do with my feelings, rather than express them to you. I hope you will not mind.

I cannot wait until I can see you again. Can you come two days from now? At 11, like before. I hope C. was not suspicious. You must tell me if you think he suspects anything.

G. wants to call on you soon to invite you to dine with us and the Matlocks. I know my uncle, aunt, and cousins enjoyed meeting you at Vauxhall. I do hope you will join us for luncheon one day soon. I love seeing you in the environs of my home. If only you could remain there!

But I will not speak of what can never be. Instead I shall send you all my love from

Yours,

F.

Elizabeth blushed as she read the letter, not at all displeased by Darcy's passionate words. Instead they made her warm inside, and the place between her legs began to tingle.

She sat down to write back. Vincent had informed her they were to attend a ball tomorrow night, hosted by one of his friends. She was dreading the outing, but hoped that maybe Darcy had had an invitation too. After all, he was part of the ton. That way at least she would have the pleasure of dancing with him, even if she would have to hide her feelings from everyone. She had grown quite adept at hiding her feelings, since learning Vincent's true nature. She wrote back:

My dear F,

I did indeed blush to read your words, but it was with pleasure rather than embarrassment. I cannot help thinking of the same things. I loved the feel of your strong fingers caressing me, your lips on my breasts, your body moving over mine. I have never felt so close to anyone in my life, and I long to be close to you, my dear F.

C. says we have to go to ball tomorrow night hosted by his friend, the Earl of P. Have you by any chance received an invitation? It would make the evening much more enjoyable for me if I knew I could dance with you.

I would love to dine with you and your relations. How does this Saturday sound? C. has no plans for me that evening. Of course, you and G. must come during visiting hours to invite me officially. I would not want to miss seeing her.

I love you, my dear, dear F. I will meet you again in two days at 11. I can hardly wait to feel your arms about me once again.

Your loving,

E.

Elizabeth folded and sealed the letter, then rang for Sarah to have her transport the missive in the manner they had perfected over the last two weeks. Both her maid and Darcy's valet were trustworthy, and would make sure the notes did not fall into the wrong hands.

As she had expected, Darcy and Georgiana called the next day in order to invite Elizabeth to dine at Darcy House with the Matlocks and Colonel Fitzwilliam. Vincent usually absented himself during visiting hours, but unfortunately this morning he was home, and came into the morning room to see who had arrived.

"Darcy," he said lazily, holding out his hand to shake. Elizabeth hoped her husband did not notice the look of revulsion that quickly passed over Darcy's face as he shook hands. "How are you doing?"

"Very well, thank you, Lord Carlisle," he said. "May I present my sister, Miss Georgiana Darcy?"

"Miss Darcy," he said with a shallow bow, barely glancing at Georgiana. He turned back to Darcy. "My wife told me she enjoyed the evening at Vauxhall with your aunt and uncle."

"Yes, they enjoyed meeting her as well," said Darcy stiffly. "In fact, we have come to invite both of you to dine with us Saturday night at Darcy House."

Elizabeth knew that Darcy had had to include Vincent in the invitation since he was there, but that he resented having to do so. She understood; she did not want her husband to come either.

Vincent gave a moue of disappointment. "Unfortunately, I will be busy that evening, but I am certain Lady Carlisle would be happy to go." He gave her a look, daring her to refuse.

"Of course I would," she said, glad that he thought she disliked the Darcys.

"We might see you even sooner. The Earl of Portfrey is holding a ball tonight. Perhaps you were invited?" said Darcy.

"Yes, Lady Carlisle and I plan to attend," replied Vincent.

"Perhaps we will see you tonight, then," said Darcy. He put his hand on his sister's shoulder. "If you will excuse us, we have other call to make." They made their farewells, and with a nod to both of them, Darcy turned to leave. Georgiana looked confused, but followed his lead.

Elizabeth held her breath once she was alone with her husband again, but he seemed to have lost interest in her presence, and left the room without a word to her. She breathed freely once again. And she looked forward to dancing with Darcy that night.

"I am confused, Brother," said Georgiana, as they walked back down the street toward Darcy House. "We have no other engagements today."

Darcy ran his hand through his hair, not sure what to tell his sister. "I simply did not want to stay any longer."

There was a moment's pause, then Georgiana asked, "Was it Lord Carlisle? You do not like him for some reason?"

Georgiana was too perceptive. Darcy had to admit to her that she was right. "It is true. I do not care for him."

"Why not?"

Darcy found that he was walking so rapidly that Georgiana was having trouble keeping up with his long strides. He slowed down and forced himself to calm. "He is not the type of man I wish to associate with. He has unsavoury habits, and his reputation is not the best. I can say no more without being indelicate."

"I see." Georgiana looked thoughtful. "Poor Elizabeth! I hope he is a kind husband to her, at least."

Darcy made no answer to that. He kept thinking back to what Elizabeth had said, about her parents forcing her into the marriage. He felt pity for her such as he had never felt before. He had thought that she had married in order to save her family from destitution. He had not thought less of her for it. But to know that she had not actually made the choice herself, that she had been forced into it, was infinitely worse.

He remembered the finger-shaped bruises on Elizabeth's arms, and impotent rage rose in him again. If only he could do something to free her from that monster! But he had gone over all the options in his mind again and again, and could find no solution. Even if they ran away together to the Continent, as he had often imagined their doing, there was no doubt that Carlisle would follow. If he wanted to take Elizabeth back with him, Darcy would have no recourse to keep her with him, as he was not her legal husband. And even if Carlisle did not come after him, their family name would be ruined. Georgiana would never marry. Besides, he could not leave Georgiana and Pemberley. He had too many responsibilities here in England.

As difficult as it was to admit, he must rely on illicit stolen hours with his beloved. He had been telling Elizabeth the truth when he had said he would never marry. Elizabeth was the wife of his heart, and there could never be another for him. Georgiana's oldest son could inherit Pemberley.

His heart was starting to feel heavy again as he arrived at the ball that night. Usually he loathed these sorts of events; but the opportunity to dance with Elizabeth, to bask in her presence, was enough temptation to attend.

He watched the entry doors eagerly until he saw Lord and Lady Carlisle enter fashionably late. He looked at the clothing that both of them wore, and could tell that they matched. How could a man control a woman so minutely as to decide even what she wore? He felt that impotent anger again.

But then Elizabeth caught his eye from across the room, and gave him that arch smile that always made his heartrate pick up. He smiled back as he waited for Carlisle to leave his wife's side so that he could approach her.

Fortunately, the Bingleys had not been invited; they were not high enough in ton society, and although Darcy enjoyed his friendship with Bingley, he did not want Caroline ruining his night by clinging to his arm and suggesting he dance with her.

Carlisle only stayed long enough to greet his hosts, and then he made his way into the card room, leaving Elizabeth alone. Darcy made his way to her side, and she smiled as he bent over her hand and greeted her.

"Lady Carlisle," he said. "How are you this evening?"

"I am well, Mr. Darcy." She had that soft look in her eyes that he knew was just for him. "And you?"

"Better than ever," he replied, his heart lightening. For a moment they just stood and smiled at each other, then Darcy cleared his throat. It would do no good for anyone to suspect their feelings for each other. "I hope you will set aside a dance for me this evening?" he asked.

"I would be pleased to," she replied. "I suppose you must find some married ladies to dance with in order to avoid the matchmaking mamas," she added impertinently.

He laughed. "As usual, you are correct. I pray you will aid me?"

"Certainly, in whatever way I may."

He felt the heat rise inside him at the lustful thoughts that entered his mind at her words. Her sly smile showed that she knew it, too.

They decided that Darcy would dance the supper dance with her, so that they could enjoy dining together. Otherwise, he unfortunately had to stay mostly away from her, since they were in a roomful of watchful eyes. At least Miss Bingley was not here to bother him. Occasionally he stood next to Elizabeth in between dances, and they exchanged some conversation, but they did not want anyone to think that they were anything but casual acquaintances.

Darcy found a few other married women to stand up with, so that his dance with Elizabeth would not stand out. He hated the lengths they must go to, but at least he knew he would see his beloved tomorrow, when he could make love to her again.

In fact, she looked so flushed and lovely after the third dance, that when he saw her heading for the ladies' retiring room he followed her, pulling her into the library when no one was in view. He locked the door behind him and pushed her up against the wall.

"You look so tempting, my love," he said, placing a kiss to her neck, and caressing her breasts through her gown. "I want to make love to you right against this wall."

"Fitzwilliam!" Elizabeth laughed, half-scandalized. "We can do no such thing! What if someone suspects?"

"I have locked the door," he said, moving his mouth to hers to kiss her.

"That is not good enough," she said, giggling as she pushed him away. "I am serious," she added more earnestly when he showed no signs of stopping.

"Very well," he fairly pouted, stepping back.

"We will see each other tomorrow, and I will make it up to you then," she said, her voice full of promise.

A smile curled the side of his mouth. "I look forward to it, my love. Now, you had better leave first. I will come out when I am more presentable."

She looked down and saw the evidence of his arousal. "Yes, you had better cool down a bit," she said, tilting her head impertinently. "I will see you soon for our dance, sir."

Then she slipped out of the room.

Darcy took a few minutes to cool down the heat in his blood, trying to think of mathematical equations until his arousal had died. Elizabeth affected him as no woman ever had. He could not even wonder at it. She was the most extraordinary woman he had ever met.

Once he was finally himself again, he exited the library, and went to find Elizabeth for their dance. To his pleasure, he found that it was a waltz. He held Elizabeth at the proper distance away from him, despite the temptation to pull her close; but he could still smell her lilac scent, could see the swaying of her gentle curves, could imagine their bodies moving in a different rhythm once they were finally able to reach a bed.

It occurred to him that his mode of thought was so radically removed from what it had been just two months ago. At the end of the house party he had resolved to flee temptation, and leave Elizabeth behind forever. He did not now understand how he ever could have had the will to leave her. It seemed incredible to him.

It was true that he was breaking a moral code he had held all his life; but he did not even care about that any more. Elizabeth was everything he had ever wanted. Elizabeth was all.

After the waltz, he led her into dinner. He served her a plate of lobster salad, roasted chicken, and lemon tarts from the buffet, along with a glass of sherry. She thanked him and they sat to eat, making conversation about the new book that Darcy had been reading, and trying to keep their flirtation to a minimum. It was almost impossible, but Darcy thought with anticipation of the next day, and was able to keep his face and tone serious. Darcy glanced down the length of tables and saw Lord Carlisle flirting openly with Lady Featherstone, one of his many lovers no doubt.

Darcy planned not to stay the rest of the night, for he would be unable to spend any more time with Elizabeth now that they had danced. So he said farewell, with a promise in his eyes for the next day. He felt Elizabeth's eyes following him as he walked across the ballroom and out the door.